[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[SCREAMING]
Shi Long!
Ooh! I didn't see that coming.
You had your chance to save your people.
Now, all will perish!
[LAUGHS WICKEDLY]
[ALL GASP]
[GRUNTS]
Oh, that's probably not good.
All right. All right. Move along.
You idiots can lead yourselves to safety, right?
Ping! Ping!
[EXCLAIMING]
Speak to me, you old so-and-so!
[CHUCKLES]
Glad you survived, old friend.
Those carts, I couldn't save them.
Their screams will haunt me.
[SOBBING]
Okay, honestly, the cart thing is getting to be a bit much.
[LOW GROWL]
Well, looks like you've got this handled.
Arrivederci,suckers!
I can never tell whether I don't like that guy or hate him.
We have to get you to safety, Empress.
And I'm not just saying that because I want to get to safety.
We can't leave.
Not while that thing is still in my kingdom.
[ALL GRUNTING]
[WHISTLING]
Over here!
Does anybody else's head feel squishy? Mmm.
[GRUNTS, GASPS]
[ROARS]
[SQUEALING]
Follow me, your Empressness.
[YELLING]
Yah! [GRUNTS]
[EXCLAIMING]
Yah! Huh!
[SCREAMING]
[ROARS]
[YELLING]
Oh, man, I'm gonna regret this.
Come on, this way.
[ALL PANTING NERVOUSLY]
[GRUNTING]
I can't stay this ginormous forever.
Get inside!
[EXCLAIMING]
[ALL PANTING]
Ooh!
[STRAINING]
Okay, we should be safe.
[SHAKILY] Uh...
So, I'm just gonna snag this and be on my way.
No! Whoo-hoo!
Ha!
[RUMBLING] [GASPS NERVOUSLY]
[ROARS]
[GRUNTS] Give me back my crown!
We had a deal!
We have completed our agreement.
And I will be on my way!
[LAUGHING]
PO: If you were planning to run, why did you just save us?
[RUMBLING]
You?
Ha! I saved the crown, baby! [RUMBLING]
After everything we did for you?
Everything you did for me? [LAUGHS]
What about everything I did for you?
I've been helping you guys ever since we met in Langaan.
The eyes never lie.
Oh, yeah! [LAUGHS]
[CLAMORING]
[SCREAMING]
[GASPS]
Hmm...
[CHUCKLING]
Um...
None of that actually helped us.
Yeah, you're kinda just a creepy, old stalker, dude.
I was keeping an eye on you!
[RUMBLING] [GASPS]
Like a stalker.
Aah!
Empress, we must get you out of here.
I won't abandon my kingdom while that janky metal statue is wrecking it.
What if I had a way to get the janky metal statue out of the city?
Uh, how are you planning to do that exactly?
I'm not.
Oh, no.
[ROARING]
Son!
Dads, we'll take it from here.
You guys need to get to the catacombs
and help Grandma evacuate the city.
And I'll round up any remaining carts!
Listen, son, I am so proud of you.
My precious seed! [WAILING]
Not as proud as I am of you, Dad. Dads.
[LI WAILING]
Son.
[MOURNFUL WAILING]
[HUMMING]
[LOW ROAR]
Do your thang.
Ha!
Yah!
[GRUNTS]
[ROARS]
[BOTH STRAINING]
We gotta protect Nu Hai.
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTS]
Yah!
[EXCLAIMING]
[GRUNTING]
[PANTS]
Aah!
[GRUNTING]
[EXCLAIMS]
Uh, Nu Hai!
If you're gonna get that thing out of the city, maybe hurry up a little!
Hey, I'm getting to that, Bao, and...
Oh!
[YELLS]
[STRAINING]
[ALL GRUNT]
[EXCLAIMS]
[EXCLAIMING]
[SCREAMING]
[PANTING]
[LAUGHING] Sweet.
Looks like we're gonna need a ride.
FAN TONG: This doesn't feel safe at all.
You have no idea how lucky you are to be controlling this body!
It's a temple!
Well, the temple has a muffin top.
[SCOFFING] Maybe 'cause I haven't been to the gym in over five hundred years!
Ever think of that?
Now remember, the Wellspring is concentrated in that giant hunk of red jade.
We destroy the red jade,
then we save China and end the drought.
I hope.
Well, I'm inspired.
[ROARS]
They don't look too happy to see us.
[GRUNTS ANGRILY]
Uh, okay. Everybody might want to hold on extra tight.
FAN TONG: Oh, gosh! I'm so afraid to ask.
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[GROANS]
Deja-whoa!
NU HAI: Master Po, quick, put this on.
You're the Dragon Master.
We're running out of time,
and your kung fu is much stronger than mine.
No. This is your fight.
You got this.
Thank you, Master Po.
Fight now. Thank me later.
[ROARS]
[LOW GROWL]
[EXCLAIMS]
[GRUNTING]
Yah! [EXCLAIMS]
[GRUNTS]
[YELLS]
[ROARS]
[EXCLAIMS] Hmm?
Aah!
[SCREAMS]
[GRUNTING]
[EXCLAIMING]
[GROANS, GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[YELLS]
Yah!
[GRUNTING]
There's too flipping many of them.
How do we get them to stop?
FAN TONG: The Red Jade.
Nu Hai, they're gonna keep coming
until we take out that giant demon's Red Jade!
[NU HAI EXCLAIMS] [GRUNTING] Oh!
Easier said than done, Fan Tong!
[GRUNTING]
[YELLS]
Now, Nu Hai!
Hit her in the Red Jade!
[ROARS]
Aah!
No, no, no!
No shrinking! Stop the shrinkage!
[LAUGHING]
[GASPS]
[GRUNTING]
Are you kidding me?
I'm just gonna say it. Your timing is awful!
I ain't as spry as I used to be.
These things happen as you get older.
Goodbye, old friend.
[LAUGHING WICKEDLY] Aah!
[SCREAMING]
Oh, boy.
[LAUGHING WICKEDLY]
What's the deal? Why isn't she doing anything?
She's just standing there like a weirdo.
Isn't she gonna step on us and smush us?
I always try to hope for the best in these situations,
but there's a very good chance
she has something much worse planned for us.
Way to stay positive, Master Po!
Ugh, forget this crud.
Hey, lady! Yo! What's up with you?
What are you looking at?
Why wouldn't you just squash us right now, Rust Bucket? Huh?
You, and your students are from the humblest of origins.
You're nothing but lowly pandas.
Whoa, some of us less-lowly than others.
Your rise has given the citizens of China hope.
And when I snuff you out,
that hope will be snuffed out as well.
What? What?
[ROARING]
What is this madness?
Don't look at me.
I'm just as confused as you are right now.
Yes, this certainly took a surprising turn.
Once again, I have proved my incredible intellect, cunning and courage!
Is it wrong that I still kinda hate him?
We are warriors!
We dig!
[YELLING]
Whoa!
[SQUEALS IN DELIGHT]
You see, in a remarkable change of heart, I...
[ALL GASP] Oh!
[YELLS]
[ROARS]
Attack!
[YELLING]
[ROARS]
[EXCLAIMING]
[YELLING]
[EXCLAIMING]
Yah! [GRUNTS]
Aah!
These jabronies aren't giving up.
[GRUNTS]
Yah!
Can you guys get me close to that giant icky thing?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[YELLING]
[GRUNTS ANGRILY]
[EXCLAIMING]
Here we go!
[EXCLAIMS]
[BAO YELLS] [ROARS]
BAO: Stupid demon!
[EXCLAIMS]
[GRUNTING]
[EXCLAIMS]
[SCREAMING]
[STRAINING]
You good?
Yeah, I'm good.
[PANTING]
[GASPS]
Oh, thank you, Fan Tong. You are a true hero.
[SOFTLY] My thighs are sweating.
[LAUGHING]
You are seriously the funniest and the bravest.
Huh? [WHIMPERS]
[CLICKING TONGUE]
Mmm.
[CLAMORING]
[EXCLAIMING, YELLS]
Per our deal, here's your crown, guy.
Oh, you're too kind.
And it looks like the folks who sent me
to help you made the right choice.
Who sent you?
Ha! Does it even matter now?
I just go where I'm sent.
Except when I don't.
You do realize you're, like, super annoying, right?
Help! Someone help!
It's okay, Shi Long.
This is fine.
We're gonna fix you.
I don't deserve to be fixed.
Deserve it or not, you're my sister.
I'll always be here for you.
I got this.
How stupid can you be?
You would save this vile blaggard after all her tomfoolery!
It's what I do, bubba. I heal people.
[YELLS]
[GROANING WEAKLY]
[GROANS]
[EXCLAIMS]
[LAUGHING]
Thank you for forgiving and exonerating me.
"Exonerate"?
[LAUGHS] Oh, no, you are so going to jail.
I mean, you're my sister.
But you're still in, literally, a ton of trouble.
[STRAINING]
Okay, everybody, you should be safe now.
Don't everyone thank me at once.
I told you we'd all get there when we got there, haters.
Oh! Ah!
Wow, what a mess.
Grandma! Grandma, you're okay!
So good to see you, too. I mean, I was more worried about myself.
Yep, I'm still living. But still, you're okay!
They ain't got me yet!
[LOW GROWL]
[MOLES CHANTING] All hail Glorious Bao! All hail Glorious Bao!
[SIGHS] He's gonna be a nightmare to deal with now.
Well, more of a nightmare.
Just be happy you don't share a room with him.
Uh, guys?
Sorry to interrupt, but this is concerning, right?
Remember what I said about Red Jade being
highly unstable and very explosive?
Well, I'll be in touch.
If there's anything left of you. Good luck!
Holy underpants.
NU HAI: Okay, we just need to...
[EXCLAIMING]
Boys! I still need to be moistened!
[SQUEALS IN DELIGHT]
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, hey, you're not a mirror!
Nope. I'm your best friend.
[SIGHING]
[LAUGHING] Yeah!
Yes!
[ALL CHEERING]
ZHIZHU: Well, I suppose I'm out of a job.
The chi of the planet is no longer concentrated in the Wellspring.
It's exploded all over the place.
Chi belongs to everyone now,
not just pandas and kung fu masters.
So, what's next for you, Zhizhu?
I'm finally free.
All that's left for me to do now is to find
a freakishly huge immortal spider,
who's single and down to clown.
[CHEERING]
As a token of our gratitude,
as well as our world-famous Panda Village civic pride,
we present these medals to you.
You know what? I can wait.
Let Fan Tong go first.
Hey, I taught you that.
I taught him that!
That's our son.
You will all be expected to help me rear him.
BAO: "Bravery, it can't be taught, you know.
"Sure, every band needs a charismatic lead singer.
"But the drummer and the tambourine player deserve a little credit, too."
[ALL CHEERING]
"No one can do it alone.
"We all need a little help sometimes.
"Nobody is perfect."
Don't worry, Shi Long,
in another couple of years when I trust you again,
we can probably lose the cage and switch to shackles.
Yay, sisters! [GIGGLING]
BAO: "And even the biggest screw-ups can redeem themselves
"to become the heroes they were meant to be."
My life as a criminal mastermind is over.
This dashing scoundrel is going legit!
We can't break up the gang, boss!
Oh! We got an extra mouth to feed.
One of us is pregnant.
Sorry, boys, your alpha dog is turning over a new leaf
and I'm going...
Ohh! Look at all that beautiful corn!
Boss, you talking about a corn heist
after everything you just said about going clean?
You ignominious dunces!
We are not going to steal the corn.
We are just going to eat as much of it
as we can get before we are caught.
Yah!
Yep, the logic checks out.
[ALL EXCLAIM]
We give thanks to the mighty god
of the Wasteland who saved our land.
All hail glorious Bao!
ALL: All hail glorious Bao!
BAO: "Which, I guess, means bravery actually can be taught.
[LAUGHS] "Who knew?
"Especially when you have a great teacher.
"He also taught me how to be humble.
"Which is hard for someone as awesome as I am.
"The end."
[CHEERING]
Bao and Friends will return in "The Tao of Bao Three, Apocalypse Bao."
[GASPS] [SIGHS]
Really, Bao? Really?
I don't know why I expected anything different.
You guys ready?
[GRUNTS]
PO: There's still a ton of adventures out there.
And I can't wait to see what comes next.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]