- WA-CHA! HIYAH!
male announcer: AND NOW
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA:
LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- [grunts] [gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR *
* BLOSSOM AND MASTER THE SKILLS *
* OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY, SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING, SOMETHING, SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AHH! UH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
[gentle music]
*
- OKAY, SO AFTER I SNEAK UP BEHIND THE GOURD CART,
YOU COME AROUND THIS WAY AND--
- I SUPPOSE I'M THE "X."
- UH, YEAH. - OH, I GET IT, YEAH.
LIKE "X"? LIKE YOU'RE "X"-ING ME OUT?
LIKE I'M NOTHING? HMM?
- UH...
- YEAH, BUT YOU GET TO BE THE CIRCLE:
ROUND AND FULL OF IMPORTANCE.
- I WANT TO BE A CUBE.
- DARN IT, GUYS!
THEY'RE JUST MARKS ON A SCROLL.
THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING!
- I AM AN INDIVIDUAL!
- OH, MY--ARE YOU--
I JUS-- WAA!
I'M NOT GOING BACK TO WORKING FOR MY DAD, OKAY?
SO ONCE--JUST ONCE--
LET'S PULL OFF A SUCCESSFUL JOB.
GAH!
EVERY TIME WE TRY AND ROB SOMEONE,
WE GET GRABBED BY PO.
THAT'S WHY I SPENT THREE WEEKS PERFECTING
THIS FOOLPROOF ESCAPE PLAN.
[wind whooshes]
[growling]
AND THAT--
AAH!
AAH! AAH! [bones cracking]
[stifled scream]
THAT'S IT!
[giggling]
HERE WE GO.
'KAY, IF ANYONE TRIES TO GRAB YOU,
YOU JUST PULL THE STRING, RELEASE THE BALLAST,
AND LET THE WIND WHISK YOU OFF TO SAFETY.
RIGHT? HUH?
- LIKE THIS?
AAH!
- OKAY.
NOBODY PULL OUR STRINGS UNTIL I SAY TO.
GOT IT?
ATTENTION, VICTIMS.
WE HAVE COME FOR YOUR VALUABLES.
- FUNG!
- WHAT? ALREADY?
WE DIDN'T EVEN, LIKE--
DO YOU HAVE, LIKE, SUPER SENSE?
CROCS, PULL YOUR STRINGS!
WRONG STRINGS.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN GONNA FIGHT?
- HE ALWAYS HURTS US.
- SORRY.
- YOU GUYS ARE LOSERS! [helmet clanks]
LOSERS! LOSERS! LOSERS!
YOU ARE WORTHLESS! - FUNG.
- YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A DISAPPOINTMENT
FROM THE BEGINNING!
- YOU COULD BE A LITTLE NICER TO YOUR COWORKERS.
- YEAH!
THE PENGUIN TREATS US BETTER THAN YOU,
AND HE'S, LIKE, OUR ENEMY.
- I MEAN, I JUST THINK THAT--
WAIT. PENGUIN?
- OH. OH, I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
YOU'RE TRYING TO SWIPE MY GANG.
- I'M WHAT?
- SWEET-TALKIN' 'EM AND FILLIN' THEIR HEADS
WITH CRAZY IDEAS.
- I DON'T EVEN KNOW-- I'M NOT--
- PO AT LEAST DOESN'T YELL AT US.
- OH, YEAH?
WELL, IF YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH,
THEN WHY DON'T YOU STAY WITH HIM?
- MAYBE WE WILL!
- FINE! - FINE!
- [sobs]
YOU STOLE MY GANG!
HAPPY NOW?
- I DON'T EVEN--
- FAREWELL!
DRAMATIC EXIT!
[screams]
OW! OW! OW!
AAH! DARN IT!
- MAN, WHERE DOES HE GET ALL THAT ANGER?
- UH, HAVE YOU MET HIS DAD?
- LOSER, LOSER, LOSER, LOSER!
YOU'RE WORTHLESS.
YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A DISAPPOINTMENT
FROM THE BEGINNING!
- THIS IS WHY I DON'T VISIT MORE, DAD!
- [growls] [helmet clanks]
both: [growling]
- NO. I JUST--
[sighs]
CAN I HAVE MY OLD JOB BACK?
- [grunts]
- YOU'RE STILL MAD AT ME
OVER WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MUSTACHE, AREN'T YOU?
I SAID I WAS SORRY.
- IT WAS THE ONLY THING KEEPING YOUR MOTHER FROM LEAVING.
- HEY, MR. TANG.
NEW TEETH, MRS. YOON?
- OOH! SO "NISHE" OF YOU TO "NO-TISH," PO.
- HOWDY, MR. WEN.
- [gasps] [pot crashes]
- OH. HEY, UH...
YOU GUYS DIDN'T ACTUALLY STEAL ANYTHING,
SO, UH, YOU CAN GO.
- UH, ACTUALLY, WE'RE YOUR GANG NOW.
- YOU'RE MY--
NO, WAIT.
THAT WAS FOR REALS?
- YEAH, IT'LL BE FUN.
WE FOLLOW YOU AROUND,
YOU TELL US WHAT TO DO.
THEN YOU YELL AT US.
- AND THROW YOUR HELMET DOWN.
- YEAH, YOU THROW YOUR HELMET DOWN AND YELL AT US.
- UH, I'M--I'M KIND OF THE OPPOSITE OF A BANDIT.
- BUT--BUT WE CAN DO OTHER STUFF.
WE COULD BE A GANG OF NON-BANDIT, UM, UH...
[sighs] FUNG WAS RIGHT.
WE ARE LOSERS.
WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT STEAL.
- AND WE DON'T EVEN DO THAT GOOD.
- COME ON, GUYS, YOU'RE NOT LOSERS.
WE'LL FIND SOMETHING YOU'RE GOOD AT.
I'LL HELP YOU.
- I LOVE YOU, MAN!
- OH! - [stifled grunting]
[pots clanking]
- [grunts] YOU WANT YOUR JOB BACK?
- NOT REALLY, BUT-- [crash]
- I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW,
THAT MAKING TERRA COTTA WARRIORS
WAS ONCE THE MOST RESPECTED OF ALL PROFESSIONS.
AW, BUT OF COURSE, BACK THEN,
WE COULD BRING THEM TO LIFE!
YEP.
ONCE, I WAS THE GREATEST OF THE TERRA COTTA CRAFTSMEN.
MOLDED MYSELF AN ARMY.
I TOOK WHAT I WANTED AND MARCHED AROUND
WITH THINGS ON FIRE!
[screaming]
AH, THOSE WERE THE DAYS.
I WAS ON THE VERGE OF CONQUERING CHINA!
UNTIL SHIBAI BLEW IT.
HE WAS ENTRUSTED WITH THE SECRET FORMULA
FOR LIVING CLAY.
THEN HE LOST IT.
IT WAS ALL SHIBAI'S FAULT!
I WOULD HAVE RULED... - [mimicking Bing]
- ALL OF CHINA IF IT HADN'T HAVE BEEN FOR SHIBAI.
IT WAS MY DESTINY!
IF ONLY THAT IDIOT HADN'T LOST THE SECRET FORMULA,
IF ONLY--
AHH, LOSER! LOSER, LOSER, LOSER!
- [sighs] LOOK!
[helmet clanks] [groans]
- ARE YOU TALKING BACK?
- I, UH...
- YOU WANT A JOB, YOU SAY NO.
- NO. - GOOD.
SHOVEL OUT THE CESSPIT.
- HOOH! [splash]
MAN, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE THIS WAS CLEANED?
- SINCE I USED TO MAKE MY TERRA COTTA WARRIORS DO IT.
[chortles]
[splashing]
GAH! JERK! JERK, JERK, J--
[clank]
HUH.
"SECRET FORMULA... FOR LIVING CLAY."
[chuckles]
VERY FUNNY, DAD!
THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT?
IS IT A JOKE?
- OKAY, FORMER BANDITS.
WE ARE GONNA PROVE THAT YOU CAN DO HONEST WORK.
[cheerful drumming]
*
TAKE IT!
[cacophonous music]
[booing, jeering]
- OOH! [groans]
[music and jeering continue]
[shrill flute joins music]
[crashing]
[flute shrieks] [booing]
- YOU GUYS ARE HORRIBLE! - GOSH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- AH, IT'S HORRIBLE! - YAH!
- WE'RE NOT GOOD MAGICIANS. [booing continuing]
- MUSICIANS. YOU'RE MUSICIANS!
- I DON'T THINK SO!
- STAY OUT OF THIS, MR. TANG!
[liquid bubbling]
- OKAY, "MIX RED CLAY AND BLACK CLAY..."
[splash]
"GROUND GAN CAO ROOT...
"POWDERED MICA...
AND THREE DROPS OF... BLOOD"?
OH, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
OH.
[click]
HA! OW! OH! AAH!
[groans]
[drip] ONE DROP.
[drip] TWO DROPS.
COME ON, COME ON.
[drip] THREE DROPS.
PHEW!
[splashing]
OKAY, GUY, UH...
"CHUNG TOH LAI SHUN HOA."
[crickets chirping]
[sighs]
[sighing]
YOU KNOW, I KNEW IT WAS A JOKE!
[rumbling]
[gulps]
WHOO-HOO!
I AM BACK IN THE BANDIT GAME, BABY!
I AM BACK IN THE GAME!
[shrill flute tooting]
- ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
SO THE BAND DIDN'T REALLY WORK, SO WE'RE JUST--
WOULD YOU STOP THAT?
- [toot]
- OKAY, SO THE BAND DIDN'T REALLY WORK, GUYS.
SO HERE'S PLAN "B."
SHIFU AND THE FURIOUS FIVE ARE OUT OF TOWN.
- SO WE CAN LOOT THE VALLEY OF PEACE WHILE--
OH, YEAH.
NOT DOING THAT.
- NO.
ESPECIALLY NOT NOW THAT I'M MAKING YOU...
THE EMERGENCY BACKUP FURIOUS FIVE!
- COULD WE BE THE JUNIOR PANDA SQUAD INSTEAD?
- FINE, THAT--GREAT.
- [slurping] - WALL EYE!
- BUT IT'S MORE YUMMIER THIS WAY.
[toot]
- [slurps]
[booming footfall]
[screaming]
- WHAT-- WHAT DO YOU WANT?
[bag of coins jingles]
- [chortles]
- OKAY, STOP RIGHT--
OOH.
- WHA--?
- [screams]
- [grunts]
GAH! OW!
OH! WHAT ARE YOU?
- IT'S ONE OF THOSE TERRA COTTA WARRIORS,
LIKE FUNG USED TO MAKE.
- TERRA COTTA WARRIORS CAN'T MOVE.
[groans]
JUNIOR PANDA SQUAD, ASSEMBLE!
[grunts, groans]
- [grunting] - [grunting, groaning]
[slo-mo groaning, cracking]
[grunts]
OH!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I SAID, "ASSEMBLE"!
- WE ARE ASSEMBLED.
WE'RE ASSEMBLED OVER HERE.
- YOU ASSEMBLED IN THE WRONG SPOT.
- BUT I NEED YOU TO--
[groans]
- [laughs]
AWESOME. [snaps]
[moaning] OW, OW.
WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED?
- YOU JUST GOT YOUR BUTT KICKED BY POTTERY.
- WE SAW.
- HA, HA! WHAT A TEAM, RIGHT?
[laughs] GOOD TIMES, HUH?
'CAUSE WE'RE... [laughs nervously]
ENJOYING OUR VICTORY, RIGHT?
[laughs nervously]
[birds chirping]
[bag of coins jingles]
[birds chirping]
[groans]
I DON'T MISS MY OLD GANG ONE...BIT.
RIGHT?
COME ON. [sighs]
- AH, WHERE YOU BEEN, LOSER?
DID YOU DO THIS? [rumbling]
CAN'T I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR ONE...
WHOA.
- YEAH. KNOW THAT SECRET FORMULA THING?
FOUND IT!
SO WHO'S THE LOSER NOW, HUH, DAD?
WHO'S THE LOSER NOW?
UH, NOT ME, IS WHAT I WAS GETTING AT.
- DO YOU REALIZE WHAT WE CAN DO WITH THIS?
- GAH! YEAH!
WE CAN STEAL--
- AT LAST, I CAN CONQUER CHINA!
GET AWAY FROM MY SOLDIER! [crash]
- GET AWAY? YOUR?
WAIT. WHAT?
[pottery shatters] I DON'T WANT TO CONQUER CHINA.
I JUST WANT TO BE A BANDIT LEADER.
- HMM?
AHH, DARN IT, FUNG! [helmet clanks]
I'VE BEEN WAITING 30 YEARS FOR THIS CHANCE.
NOW ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME,
OR ARE YOU GONNA BE A BIGGER DISAPPOINTMENT THAN EVER?
- I'M GONNA HELP YOU, DAD.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW COME ON!
- [sighs] GUYS-- - WE LET YOU DOWN.
- NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.
[chuckles] ALL RIGHT, KINDA.
- WE DON'T FIGHT GOOD.
- THAT'S IT.
YOU GUYS NEED A KUNG FU CRASH COURSE!
- FANTASTIC! - [groaning]
- LOOK AT THESE BABIES, HUH?
NOTHING CAN STOP US NOW!
- [groans]
HOW COME WE GOT TO KEEP USING MY BLOOD?
- I'M AN OLD MAN.
I NEED ALL THE BLOOD I CAN GET.
NOW SAY THE MAGIC WORDS,
AND LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.
- "CHUNG TOH LAI SHUN HOA."
- HA!
NOW WE CAN TAKE OVER CHINA!
- UGH, DO WE GOTTA?
- YES, AND WE'LL START
WITH THE VALLEY OF PEACE!
- SO SAY WE'RE WALKING ALONG, JUST LIKE THIS,
NICE DAY, EVERYTHING'S QUIET, THEN--
ENEMY ATTACK! PO NEEDS BACKUP!
all: YAH!
- AWESOME!
MAN, YOU GUYS ARE GETTING REALLY GOOD.
GREAT POSES.
- [laughs] THANKS.
I'M A FIERCE TIGER.
- I'M A ROCK.
- OKAY, LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.
WE'RE WALKING ALONG, NICE DAY,
NOTHING GOING ON, THEN--
[crash]
[screaming]
- RUN AWAY!
- [screams]
- ENEMY ATTACK!
PO NEEDS BACKUP!
[screaming]
[sighs]
[screaming]
[sighs]
OKAY. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
OOH! [groans]
OH, I SEE.
- [panting]
HUH?
[screams]
YA-HA-HOO!
WHOA! [grunting]
[crashing]
- SHOULDN'T WE DO SOME, LIKE, THING?
[crashing] - [groaning]
- YES!
PO BELIEVED IN US
WHEN WE DIDN'T EVEN BELIEVE IN OURSELVES.
IF WE DON'T HELP HIM NOW, WE REALLY ARE USELESS,
AND HE NEEDS US TO BELIEVE IN OURSELVES,
THE WAY HE BELIEVED IN US
WHEN WE DIDN'T EVEN BELIEVE IN OURSELVES
LIKE HE DID.
- WAH! - SO WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?
[crash]
- [groaning]
all: YAH!
- LET GO! LET GO!
- YAH! - [chomping]
- GOOD EFFORT, GUYS!
[grunts] OOF!
GOOD EFFORT!
[kung fu shouts]
- PO!
YOU HAVING FUN WITH MY STOLEN GANG, PANDA?
- FUNG! YOU'RE BEHIND THIS?
[kung fu shouts]
- IMPRESSED? - UH, KINDA, YEAH.
[screaming]
- SO YOU'RE, LIKE, WITH PO NOW, HUH?
THAT'S COOL. IT'S, LIKE, OKAY.
REALLY, THOUGH? NO, FINE.
OBVIOUSLY, I'VE GOT A TOTALLY WAY BETTER GANG NOW
OF GIANT CLAY THINGS.
SO, YOU KNOW...
WHATEVS.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
ATTACK THEM.
ATTACK! ATTACK! ATTACK!
- [chomp]
- BUT THE GUYS--
- I SAID, "ATTACK."
- YES, DAD.
WARRIORS... - HMM?
- ATTACK. - AHH!
[screaming]
- SHAKABOOEY! WAH!
THERE'S TOO MANY.
YOU GUYS GET OUT OF HERE.
I'LL HOLD 'EM OFF AS LONG AS I CAN.
- EVEN THE DRAGON WARRIOR CAN'T STOP US!
WE'RE GONNA DO IT, SON. WE'RE GONNA RULE CHINA!
WE CAN'T LOSE!
[crashing]
[groaning]
[glass shattering]
[punching]
[glass shattering]
- WARRIORS, STOP!
- WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU--
- CAN'T DO IT, DAD. THESE GUYS ARE MY FRIENDS.
- BUT WE WERE GONNA CONQUER-- - I DON'T WANNA CONQUER CHINA!
SERIOUSLY, HOW MUCH WORK IS IT TO RUN A COUNTRY?
IT'S, LIKE, A TON, I BET.
I JUST WENT ALONG BECAUSE...
I WANTED YOU TO BE PROUD OF ME.
- YOU WANT ME TO BE PROUD OF YOU, SON?
THEN GET OUT OF MY WAY! - [groans]
- WARRIORS, ATTACK!
- WARRIORS, STOP!
- [grunts]
- WARRIORS, ATTACK.
- WARRIORS, STOP!
- ATTACK! - STOP!
- ATTACK! - ST--
- LOSER, LOSER, LOSER! YOU ARE NOT GONNA STOP ME.
I'VE BEEN WAITING 30 YEARS FOR THIS.
30 YEARS SINCE I LOST THAT SECRET FORMULA!
- [gasps]
YOU LOST THE FORMULA?
BUT I THOUGHT THAT SHIBAI GUY--
- I MADE SHIBAI UP.
[crashing]
- WHAT?
- UH, FUNG?
AREN'T YOU GONNA SAY "STOP" AGAIN?
- IT WAS ME.
I LOST THE FORMULA.
I RUINED EVERYTHING.
I'M THE BIGGEST LOSER OF ALL TIME.
AND I'VE BEEN TAKING IT OUT ON YOU.
- [grunting]
THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME WAY I CAN STOP THESE--
[screams]
[groaning]
- GET IT OFF ME.
GET IT OFF ME!
- [gasps] THAT'S IT!
- I GUESS CALLING YOU A LOSER
MADE ME FEEL LIKE LESS OF A LOSER MYSELF.
[crashing]
BUT I'M PROUD OF YOU, SON.
I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.
I'VE JUST BEEN TOO PIGHEADED TO SAY IT.
- HEH.
- [screams]
- [grunting] AHA!
HEY, STATUE GUYS!
TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC.
[shrill flute note]
[stops playing]
[higher note plays]
GYA!
[different shrill note]
[laughs nervously]
[higher note plays]
UH-OH.
- LIKE THAT.
[shrieking flute note]
[rumbling]
[flute note stops]
AND THAT'S THE NAME OF THAT TUNE.
- YOU HELPED THE PANDA?
- YEAH.
HE WAS NICE TO US.
ALL YOU EVER DID WAS YELL AT US
AND CALL US LOSERS.
- OH, IT'S LIKE CALLING YOU GUYS LOSERS
MADE ME FEEL LIKE LESS OF A LOSER MYSELF.
EXCEPT NOT.
- SEE HOW THAT HAPPENS?
- GAH! - GAH!
- GUYS, I-I'M SORRY.
I TREATED YOU LOUSY.
I WAS A ROTTEN BANDIT LEADER.
CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?
- [scoffs]
- [whimpers]
[helmet clanks]
- OKAY. [overlapping chatter]
- I MISSED YOU GUYS.
[overlapping chatter]
- OH, WOW.
UM, PO...
WE WERE WONDERING IF IT'D BE OKAY
IF WE KIND OF, UH...
- WENT BACK TO BEING FUNG'S GANG?
- I GUESS.
BUT YOU KNOW HE'S GOT TO GO TO PRISON, RIGHT?
- YEAH, WE'LL GO WITH HIM.
I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT,
WE LIVE THERE, LIKE, 90% OF THE TIME.
[laughter]
[indistinct chatter]
- YOU TOO, FELLA.
- DANG.