- [grunting]
- AND NOW...
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
[gong rings]
- * HEAR THE LEGENDS
* OF THE KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AH! YA!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS
* AND HE FIGHTS WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE *
* PROTECT THE VALLEY, SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN' *
* SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN', ALIVE *
OOH! AH! UH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET.
- [grunts]
- OH!
- [grunting]
YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT MY FINGERS,
EVIL FINGER-DEFEATERS!
EH! OH!
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. [sighs]
YOU GUYS JUST WAIT TILL IT'S YOUR TURN.
[chuckles] YOU'LL NEVER FIGURE IT OUT.
- ALREADY DID... WHEN I WAS FIVE.
- WHAT?
- YEAH. US, TOO.
- YEAH, I ALREADY DID THAT. - US, TOO.
- [whimpers] AH!
HUH! OH.
AWW, YOU GUYS HAVE DONE EVERYTHING!
YOU HAVE ACTION FIGURES, YOU HAVE TRADING CARDS.
TIGRESS, THEY NAMED A STRAIN OF RICE AFTER YOU...
"ANGRY RICE."
YOU EVEN HAVE FAN CLUBS.
I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT.
- YOU HAVE A FAN CLUB.
- WHA?
- YEAH, I SAW THEM DOWN BY THE NOODLE SHOP.
- OH, I GOTTA MEET 'EM.
WE COULD DRESS ALIKE AND--
AND FIGURE OUT A SECRET HANDSHAKE!
- NOT SO FAST, PANDA.
THERE STILL REMAINS THE MATTER OF THE HERO'S DILEMMA.
- UGH. I'M A HERO.
SO I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS. - WHOA!
- CAREFUL! - WHOA!
WHOA, HEY!
- WATCH IT! - GAH!
OW! OOH! OW. OOH.
MUST--OW! SEE--OW!
FANS--OOH!
OOH. OW. AH!
OW! OW!
OH! HUH!
[grunts]
WAH!
[panting]
WHY ARE THINGS HARD?
AH!
- PO!
YOUR CARELESSNESS ALMOST RELEASED
THE DEADLY MONGOLIAN FIST DEMON.
- [gasps] THAT SOUNDS AWESOME.
- IT IS, IN FACT, THE OPPOSITE OF AWESOME.
THIS DEMON NEARLY DESTROYED THE VALLEY CENTURIES AGO.
- YOU SHOULD PUT SOME SORT OF HUGE FENCE
WITH SPIKES AROUND IT, SO NO IDIOT CAN COME IN
AND KNOCK IT OV--
OH, RIGHT. [chuckles]
YOU ASKED ME TO DO THAT EARLIER, DIDN'T YOU?
[grunting]
- PO, THE REASON THIS IS CALLED "THE HERO'S DILEMMA" IS:
IT SEEMS LIKE BRUTE STRENGTH SHOULD SOLVE THE PROBLEM, BUT--
- YOU LOST ME.
WHOA!
- IT IS WHEN YOU QUIT STRUGGLING THAT YOU--
- I HAVE A FAN CLUB! BYE!
FENCE. RIGHT. [chuckles]
DO IT WHEN I GET BACK. BYE!
[panting]
FAN CLUB. FAN CLUB. FAN CLUB!
[gasps] MY FAN CLUB!
WOW.
THEY NAILED IT.
- WHO DARES APPROACH THE DRAGON'S DEN?
- COOL.
IT IS I, THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- RIGHT. GET LOST, CHAN-GOO!
- IT'S NOT CHAN-GOO.
IT'S REALLY THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
- DON'T MAKE ME COME OUT THERE AND PUNCH YOU, LOSER.
- IT'S REALLY ME.
- YEAH? THEN ANSWER THIS.
WHAT KIND OF BROAD AXE DID THE DRAGON WARRIOR USE
TO RELEASE THE LOG ROLL AT THUNDER HILL?
- UH, IT WASN'T A BROAD AXE.
IT WAS A TWO-HANDED ZHANMADAO SWORD
OF FOLDED BRONZE FORGED IN THE SHANG DYNASTY
BY ZHANG ZU JIN-LI,
THE ONE-ARMED SON OF THE WOODCHOPPER.
- IS THAT TRUE?
- I DON'T KNOW. I COULD LOOK IT UP.
- JUST OPEN THE DOOR!
[panting]
- YEAH! TAKE THAT, THOSE WHO MOCKED US!
[laughs] THE DRAGON WARRIOR IS AT OUR CLUBHOUSE!
all: PO IS THE DRAGON. HE NEVER WILL BE BEAT.
PO IS THE WARRIOR. HE'S REALLY GOOD...
AT WHAT HE...DOES.
- [gasps] I JUST TINKLED A LITTLE.
- REALLY? AGAIN?
- THAT CHEER IS REALLY AWESOME!
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA RHYME "NEAT" WITH "MASSIVE PECTORALS,"
BUT YOUR WAY IS MUCH COOLER.
- ENTER, OH, MOST REVERED DRAGON WARRIOR,
KUNG FU LEGEND,
PUNCHER OF EVIL. - WHOA!
[gasps] ALL RIGHT!
AWESOME!
- I'M LAM.
- I'M CHEN. - I'M YANG.
- COOL. LAM, CHEN, YANG.
- HE SAID MY NAME! [gasps]
- SHE JUST FAINTED BECAUSE SHE'S MY FAN!
I HAVE A FAN! [sighs]
I'M TOO EXCITED TO STAY PASSED OUT.
- THIS IS YOUR CLUBHOUSE!
IS IT WHAT YOU IMAGINED?
- NO.
- [gasps]
- IT'S A HUNDRED TIMES MORE AWESOME!
[cheering]
[gasps] OW!
THIS PAINTING LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME!
[cheering]
WHOA!
- [giggles]
- COOL THINGIES.
MY OWN ACTION FIGURE...
WITH AUTHENTIC BURLAP PANTS!
[excited yelling]
WHAT ELSE HAVE YA GOT?
OW!
- LEGEND HAS IT...
THAT THE GREAT AND MIGHTY DRAGON WARRIOR HIMSELF
ONCE DROPPED A NOODLE ON THIS VERY BRICK.
- [laughs nervously] WE HAD THE NOODLE,
BUT I GOT EXCITED AND I ATE IT.
[giggles]
- LET ME SEE THAT.
- TECHNICALLY, IT'S A REPRODUCTION.
BUT IT'S AN OFFICIAL REPRODUCTION
OF A COPY.
- YOU CAN'T TELL!
THIS LOOKS JUST LIKE THE REAL BRICK
I ACTUALLY DROPPED A NOODLE ON!
- I KNEW IT!
I TOLD YOU GUYS.
IT WAS WORTH THE 200 YUAN.
- YOU GUYS HANG ONTO THAT.
IT'S GONNA BE WORTH A LOT MORE SOMEDAY.
- [giggles] IT'S SO GENEROUS OF YOU,
DRAGON WARRIOR.
- AH, CALL ME PO...
THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
I HAVE A FAN CLUB!
WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT TO DO FIRST?
- WASH DISHES!
- TELL US THE STORY OF HOW YOU BEAT TAI LUNG.
- [gasps] YEAH! - YEAH!
- IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT.
THEN THE NEXT NIGHT WAS CLOUDLESS.
AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW TAI LUNG FOR THE FIRST TIME.
- OH! - THAT'S PRETTY AWESOME.
- MONKEY. MONKEY!
MONKEY, YOU GOT ANYTHING COOL
THAT MAYBE I COULD SHOW MY FANS DOWN AT THE FAN CLUB?
- SURE, PO.
HOW ABOUT THIS TEACUP?
- COOL.
- HEY, ARE THESE SHIFU'S CEREMONIAL NUNCHUCKS?
YOU CAN'T TAKE THOSE.
- WELL, HE'S NOT USIN' THEM.
- OR THESE ANCIENT BRASS FIGHT BELLS?
- WELL, THEY'RE JUST, LIKE, SITTING THERE.
- OR...MANTIS?
- NOT COOL, MAN.
- I'LL JUST, UH-- OKAY, BYE.
[door slams]
LOOK WHAT I GOT YOU GUYS!
- YEAH!
- IT'S MY OLD THROWING STAR.
- WHOA.
- [grunts] - IT'S SLIPPERY.
- I USED IT TO BUTTER MY TOAST.
YOU GUYS READY FOR THE DRAGON WARRIOR
TO TAKE YOU ON YOUR EXCLUSIVE DRAGON TOUR-IER?
all: YEAH! - COOL.
I'LL EVEN TELL YOU THE TAI LUNG STORY AGAIN ON THE WAY.
- YA! [laughs]
- OKAY. WHAT DO WE GOT?
OH!
- [excited laughter]
- RIGHT HERE.
THIS VERY SPOT.
I WAGED BATTLE AGAINST THE MIGHTY RHINO, HUNDUN!
I WAS STANDING RIGHT HERE, AND HE WAS LIKE,
"YOU BETTER NOT--"
- YOU THINK YOU MIGHT FIGHT HIM HERE AGAIN?
- YEAH, DO IT! - RIGHT NOW!
- [chuckles] WELL, I CAN'T,
'CAUSE HE'S KIND OF IN JAIL.
- OH.
- OH, OH, OH!
THIS IS AWESOME.
SEE THAT DENT IN THE STREET?
MY HEAD MADE THAT
AFTER THE BARBARIAN HORDE THREW ME OFF A ROOF!
[excited screams]
SEE, MY HEAD STILL FITS.
- THAT'S SO COOL.
MAKE ANOTHER DENT!
- YEAH, DO IT!
- RIGHT NOW!
- [chuckles] NO, I CAN'T JUST HIT MY HEAD.
- THAT'S DISAPPOINTING.
- OH, OH, OH! OVER THERE!
THIS IS WHERE I CRUSHED
THE FAMOUS TERRACOTTA WARLORDS INTO POWDER.
- [screams] - WE WANNA SEE THAT!
- YEAH, DO IT! - RIGHT NOW!
- WELL, I-I CAN'T.
THEY'RE--THEY'RE POWDER.
- FIGHT SOMETHING! - YEAH, FIGHT THAT GUY!
all: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
- I-I-I-I CAN'T JUST START A FIGHT WITH SOME POOR GUY.
- OH, THAT'S A BUMMER.
- I'LL TELL YOU THE STORY AGAIN!
AND THEN HE WAS LIKE,
"YOU CAN'T BEAT ME. I'M TAI LUNG."
AND THEN-- AND THEN, I SAID--
Lam, Chen, and Yang: "SKIDDOOSH."
- CLOSE, BUT THE ACCENT IS ON THE "SKID," NOT THE "OOSH."
- UM, YEAH.
ARE YOU ACTUALLY EVER GONNA DO ANYTHING,
LIKE, EXCITING DRAGON-WARRIOR STUFF?
- UH, YEAH.
I MEAN, I'VE GOT TRAINING AND LAUNDRY,
AND I GOT SOME STUFF I GOTTA MEMORIZE.
- NO, COOL STUFF.
LIKE-- LIKE FIGHTING SOMEONE.
- YEAH, DO THAT!
- ONLY, THINGS HAVE BEEN KINDA LOW-KEY LATELY.
- OH...MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST PACK IT IN FOR TODAY.
- COOL. SAME TIME TOMORROW?
- UH, I THINK I'M BUSY TOMORROW. UH--
- UH, YEAH. I-I-I'M BUSY.
- YEAH, I'M GONNA BE BUSY WITH, UM, SOME--
SOME STUFF AND THINGS.
- NOT A PROBLEM!
HEY, THE WEEKEND IT IS.
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS BRIGHT AND EARLY.
- SEE YA. - SURE.
- [laughs nervously] SOUNDS GOOD.
- HA! I ALMOST FORGOT MY DRAGON-WARRIOR EARS!
CAN'T DISAPPOINT MY FANS.
[chuckles] NO.
- [mocking] "LOOK, I'M PO, THE DRAGON WARRIOR,
AND I'M SCARED OF DUCKS." [laughs]
[laughter]
- WHAT A LAME HERO!
HE NEVER HITS ANYTHING.
- YEAH, I MEAN, EVEN I WOULD PUNCH A DUCK.
- [giggles]
[somber music]
*
- OW.
- [sighs]
- HEY, PO.
WHY THE ROUND FACE?
[chuckles] GET IT?
I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY "LONG FACE," BUT I--
- I LOST MY FAN CLUB!
- WHAT? HOW?
- BECAUSE I'M LAME.
OW! PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT.
[groans] I STINK AS A HERO.
[sighs] EVER SINCE I WAS A KID,
I WOULD READ THE ANCIENT ART OF KUNG FU
AND DREAM ABOUT BEING LIKE ONE OF THOSE HEROES.
MASTER FLYING RHINO,
MASTER LI LING OF THE THOUSAND FISTS!
- A LOT OF THOSE GUYS MAINLY JUST KEPT THE PEACE, SO--
- I DON'T CARE.
MY FAN CLUB HATES ME
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HIT ANYTHING ALL WEEK.
- I GET IT.
YOUR FIRST FAN CLUB!
YOU WANNA SHOW OFF.
THERE'S NO BAD GUYS TO FIGHT RIGHT NOW.
- YEAH. OR PEOPLE TO SAVE,
OR DISASTERS TO PREVENT,
OR A--
- PO?
ARE YOU GETTING ONE OF THOSE IDEAS
THAT SHIFU TELLS YOU TO IGNORE?
- WHAT? PFFT! NO.
WHAT? PFFT! RIDICULOUS.
YES.
[chuckles]
HELLO, MONGOLIAN FIST DEMON JAR.
FRIENDLY, HARMLESS DEMON JAR.
[chuckles] HOW 'BOUT I LET YOU OUT,
AND WE FIGHT A LITTLE BIT?
YOU KNOW, NO BIG DEAL.
WHAT IF YOU'VE GOT FANGS?
YOU COULD HAVE FANGS.
I COULD DO A LOOK-SEE REAL QUICK,
JUST TO DO A FANG-CHECK.
RIGHT?
NAH.
BUT-- OKAY.
PRO: I NEED TO FIGHT SOMETHING.
CON: INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS AND COULD WRECK THE VALLEY.
PRO: I WANNA?
EH, HOW BAD COULD IT BE?
[screaming]
- IT'S A DEMON! - [growls]
[screaming]
- IT'S A DEMON!
- HELP US, PO!
- YA!
- THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
- LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE NEEDS TO LEARN SOME TABLE MANNERS!
[blows landing]
- [growls]
[heroic music]
[cheering]
- [growls] - [screams]
EH, CON. CON WINS.
AH!
[indistinct whispering]
[gasps]
OH, NO! OH, NO.
GO BACK IN! GO BACK IN!
NO!
- [high-pitched snarl]
[growls]
- YOU'RE TINY!
- [growls]
- AND CUTE! [chuckles]
- [growling]
- H-H-HEY, THAT'S MY STUFF!
- [growling]
- BAD DEMON! SHOO! SHOO!
- [growling]
- SHOO!
OH, NO!
- [growling]
- MAYBE THAT WASN'T THE BEST IDEA.
- [growls]
- HEY, GET OUTTA HERE!
- [growling]
- [screams]
[screams]
- HUH? - WHAT?
[suspenseful music]
- [growls]
[screaming]
[roars]
[screaming]
- [yelling]
- WAH! - [grunts]
- YOU'RE SAFE NOW.
- [growls]
- HERE, DEMON, DEMON, DEMON.
HERE, MONGOLIAN FIST DEMONY-WEMONY.
COME OUT, DEMON.
I HAVE A DUMPLING FOR YOU!
[chewing] I HAVE A DUMPLING FOR YOU.
I HAVE A-- [gulps]
JUST COME OUT!
- [growls] - OH, THAT'S NOT GOOD.
- AH!
- OH, NO! MONKEY!
- [grunts]
- [growls]
- WHOA! HOW'D HE GET SO HUGE?
- [growling]
- [grunts]
OOF!
- [growling]
- [gasps]
OOF! - [grunts]
- [roars]
- [yelling] - IT'S A DEMON!
- [gasps]
- IT'S A DEMON!
- [growls] - WHOA!
- [snarls] - [screaming]
- [growling]
Lam, Chen, and Yang: COOL!
- YOU GUYS WAIT HERE.
WATCH CLOSE. YOU'LL SEE SOME HITTING.
- GO GET HIM! - YEAH, DO IT!
- RIGHT NOW!
- ANYTHING FOR MY FANS.
NOW LET'S FIND OUT WHAT YOU GOT DEMON, HUH?
WHAT YOU GOT?
- [growling]
- HWAH! KI-GA!
- [roars]
- YA!
[thud]
WHOO!
EXTRA POINT!
- [cheering]
- PO IS THE DRAGON! HE WILL NEVER BE BEAT.
PO IS THE WARRIOR!
CHEE--
- [growls]
- DID YOU JUST GET BIGGER, OR DID MY EYES GET SMALLER?
- HIT HIM, DRAGON WARRIOR!
- POUND HIM, KUNG FU LEGEND, PUNCHER OF EVIL!
- [growling]
- YA!
HIYA!
YEAH!
all: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
- HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT HITTING?
Lam, Chen, and Yang: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
- [growling]
- I DON'T LIKE THIS GETTING-BIGGER THINGY.
all: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
- WAIT A MINUTE.
IF HITTING IT MAKES IT BIGGER,
THEN NOT HITTING IT--
BRING IT, DEMON!
- [growling]
- THAT'S IT!
- [growls]
- TELL ME YOU'VE GOT MORE THAN THAT!
- WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM HIM, DRAGON WARRIOR?
- AH...I'M NOT RUNNING AWAY!
SEE HOW I'M AWESOMELY AVOIDING CONFLICT?
- WHAT A RIP-OFF!
HE'S SCARED OF HIM.
- NO, I'M NOT SCARED OF HIM.
WHOA!
NO!
OOF!
- BOO!
- HE NEVER HITS ANYTHING.
- USE YOUR FIST!
USE IT FOR PUNCHING, PUNCHER OF EVIL!
- OKAY, I WILL! AH!
- [growling]
Lam, Chen, and Yang: HIT! HIT! HIT!
HIT! HIT! HIT!
- NO.
- [snarls]
- [yells]
[grunts]
- BOO! GET OFF THE STAGE.
- COME ON. LET'S GO.
[solemn music]
*
- [grunts] - [snarls]
- I MAY HAVE LOST MY FANS, BUT I'M NOT LOSING TO YOU.
- [roars]
[growling]
- HUH! - [growling]
[thud]
[crash]
[smack]
[growling]
- [grunts] - GUYS!
A LITTLE HELP TRAPPING HIM?
I NEED A DEMON JAR!
UH...IS THAT A THING?
DO WE HAVE THOSE LYING AROUND?
- NO.
FORTUNATELY, THEY CAN BE REPAIRED FAIRLY EASILY.
NOW, PANDA.
- [growls]
- [laughs nervously]
- THAT WAS AN AWFUL LOT OF TROUBLE
JUST TO IMPRESS YOUR FANS.
I HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT.
[knock at door]
- WHOEVER ENTERS THE DRAGON'S--
UH, FORGET IT.
- HEY.
[sighs] LOOK, OUT THERE--
- WHY DIDN'T YOU FIGHT HIM?
- AW, YOU BARELY HIT HIM AT ALL!
- YOU LET HIM BEAT YOU!
- OH, DID I?
all: WHOA!
- THE MONGOLIAN FIST DEMON.
all: COOL!
- [gasps]
- YOU BEAT IT? INCREDIBLE! HOW?
Y-YOU DIDN'T EVEN HIT IT!
- BEING A HERO IS NOT ALL ABOUT HITTING.
MAYBE 10%.
AND IT'S 90% ABOUT NOT GETTING HIT.
[belches]
AND ABOUT 5% GAS.
- CAN WE KEEP THIS?
- THE MONGOLIAN FIST DEMON IS ONE THING,
BUT, AS DEFEATED BY THE DRAGON WARRIOR, WHOA!
- UH, IT'D BE, LIKE, THE CENTERPIECE
OF OUR DRAGON WARRIOR FAN CLUB.
- OH, YOU HAVE A FAN CLUB?
- YEAH.
WE'RE SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU, PO.
GUESS WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT TAKES
TO BE SO BODACIOUSLY AWESOME.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
AND IN THE COMING WEEKS,
I'LL SHOW YOU A FEW MORE KUNG FU SKILLS.
all: YEAH!
- STRENGTH! HIYA!
STAMINA! KEE!
AND CONTROL! GAH!
[jar shattering]
- [snarls] - OOPS.
[screaming]
- BAD DEMON! DOWN, BOY! AH! NO! AH!