- [grunts]
- AND NOW, DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA:
LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- * HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA! *
[imitates dramatic music]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN TOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
HOO! AAH! YA!
* KUNG FU PANDA!
[imitates dramatic music]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME! *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[imitates dramatic music]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS *
* AND HE FIGHTS WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE *
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' *
* SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' ALIVE
OOH! AH! UNH!
* KUNG FU
* PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET.
[traditional Chinese music]
*
- THE VALLEY OF PEACE--
A LAND CRUELLY BESET BY A THOUSAND VILLAINS,
AND YET TRANQUILITY REIGNS,
DUE TO A SINGLE BODACIOUS HERO--
THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
WHO, IN HIS ETERNAL PURSUIT OF JUSTICE,
NEVER RESTS...
[yawns]
YOU SHALL NOT HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME,
DEMON ENCHANTRESS...
[snoring]
[board creaks]
HUH?
HA!
WHOO-AH!
WAH!
- HA!
all: HAPPY DRAGON WARRIOR DAY!
- OH, YEAH.
A WHOLE DAY CELEBRATING THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
WHICH IS GREAT IF YOU ARE THE DRAGON WARRIOR,
WHICH, LAST TIME I CHECKED, I AM!
- WE HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
- OOH, BEAN CAKE.
- AH, AH, AH.
YOU WANT THE BEAN CAKE?
YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH US.
- [gasps] MY TWO FAVORITE THINGS--
FOOD AND KUNG FU!
AH!
- HERE'S MY FIST!
SORRY, DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO WRAP IT.
- IS THIS FUN FOR YOU?
MONKEY SAID YOU WOULD LIKE IT.
- ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S AWESOME.
- UGH!
- HIYAH!
AH. OH! WING CRAMP.
- HA! UGH.
HA!
- GUYS, WATCH THIS.
- OOH...
[all shout]
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- PO, THE IMPERIAL SCULPTOR
IS HERE TO CAPTURE YOUR...MAGNIFICENCE.
- [gasps] COOL.
WOW, IT'S REALLY...
HUH.
UH, WHERE'S THE HEAD?
- I HAVEN'T STARTED.
- AH-HA. OH. [laughs]
SO THE HEAD'S ON THE INSIDE.
I'M SORT OF NEW TO ART.
UH, LOOK, AND I'M JUST SPITBALLING HERE,
BUT, UH, MAYBE WE SHOULD DO ONE
WITH A BIT MORE SIZZLE.
- SIZZLE?
- YEAH, LIKE THIS.
A BIG DRAGON WITH FLAMING WINGS!
OR I COULD DO A WISE, OLD TURTLE
WITH FLAMING WINGS!
OR A TREE...
- WITH FLAMING WINGS?
- DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
- I THINK IT NEEDS TO BE A LITTLE MORE...
WITHOUT FLAMING WINGS.
- OH. OH, RIGHT. OH.
OOH!
OH, WAIT, NO.
THAT ONE HAS FLAMING WINGS.
- [groans]
- OOH, SORRY.
- I GET THE IDEA.
- SWEET.
WELL, I'M GONNA GO HEAD DOWN TO THE VILLAGE, AND, UH...
- WHAT ABOUT YOUR TRAINING, PANDA?
- BUT, MASTER SHIFU,
THEY'RE, LIKE, HANGING STREAMERS AND STUFF
FOR ME.
I HAVE FANS.
- [sighs]
VERY WELL.
BUT BE BACK IN TIME TO TRAIN TONIGHT.
- WHOA.
COOL.
HEY, EVERYBODY.
- HAPPY DRAGON WARRIOR DAY.
- HEY, PO.
THANKS FOR GETTING RID OF TAI LUNG.
- HEY THERE, ZHAO.
DID YOU WEAR THAT FOR ME, MRS. YOON?
- OH, PO. [laughs]
YES.
- OOH, HEY, PO,
YOU WANT TO SEE OUR KUNG FU ROUTINE
FOR THE DRAGON WARRIOR PARADE?
- LAY IT ON ME.
- THAT WAS AWESOME.
IT WAS LIKE MUSIC TO MY EYEBALLS.
- DAD? IT'S ME.
- WHO'S THERE?
- OOH!
- OH, PO, MY BELOVED SON.
WHY DID YOU SCARE ME LIKE THAT?
- OW. DAD.
UGH. WHAT'S GOING ON?
- OH, I'M SORRY, SON.
I'VE BEEN ON EDGE EVER SINCE THAT HIDEOUS RHINO
WALKED INTO TOWN.
ALWAYS SITTING ON THE CURB IN FRONT OF THE SHOP.
HE'S SCARING AWAY ALL MY CUSTOMERS, PO.
- [grunts]
- LET THE DRAGON WARRIOR TAKE CARE OF IT.
- [grunts]
- HEY, WHAT'S UP, FRIEND?
- [screams]
- WHOA.
SOMEONE WOKE UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE...
WHATEVER IT IS THAT RHINOS SLEEP ON.
- UGH!
WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING?
ABOUT THE CHARRED, BURNED INSIDES OF MY HURT?
SEARING THE SEARED RUBBLE OF MY SOUL!
- YOU TALK PRETTY.
LOOK, MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU.
AH!
- EVERYTHING THAT I ONCE LOVED
WAS RIPPED AWAY FROM ME BY AN EVIL FIEND!
MY JOB, MY HOME, MY FAMILY
WERE ALL SCATTERED TO THE WIND LIKE DUST AND DIRT,
AND THE WIND IS SCATTERED.
[sniffs]
- WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?
- THE DESPICABLE SNAKE
WHO STOLE MY SOUL LIKE AN ECLIPSED MOON OF PAIN?
THE EVIL MONSTER THAT MADE MY LIFE
A LIVING SPANKING,
WHO I HATE WITH ALL MY BEING IS...
THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- HUH?
- WHOA. WHOA.
YOU HATE THE DRAGON WARRIOR?
- YES. AND AS SOON AS I FIND OUT WHO HE IS,
I'LL TELL HIM TO HIS UGLY FACE.
- YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?
- NO. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
IT'S DRAGON WARRIOR DAY.
HE'S GOT TO SHOW UP.
- WELL, I BET YOU'D LIKE HIM.
- NEVER. AFTER WHAT HE DID.
- WHAT DID HE DO?
I MEAN, HE MAY NOT EVEN KNOW HE "DOOD" IT.
- I WAS A GUARD AT CHOR GHOM PRISON.
RIGHT UP FRONT IN THE FRONT LINE OF DEFENSE
AGAINST TAI LUNG UP FRONT.
[guards shout]
AFTER TAI LUNG ESCAPED,
HE WAS DEFEATED BY THAT IDIOT, THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
BECAUSE OF HIM, WE LOST OUR ONLY PRISONER.
CHOR GUM WAS SHUT DOWN, CLOSED, BOARDED UP.
SHUT DOWN.
- BUT THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT? - CLOSED.
- I MEAN, NO MORE TAI LUNG.
- YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING.
NO PRISONER MEANS NO PRISON.
NO PRISON MEANS NO JOB.
HOW CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?
- SORRY.
- I LOST MY JOB.
THEN MY HOUSE, MY WIFE, MY KIDS,
TWO CLOSE GOAT FRIENDS,
A PAIR OF SLIPPERS FROM THE HAO JAO REGION.
ALL BECAUSE OF ONE GUY'S HUGE EGO.
"OOH, I'M THE DRAGON WARRIOR."
"I'LL DESTROY TAI LUNG.
LOOK AT ME. I'M AWESOME."
- BUT IF THE DRAGON WARRIOR HADN'T DONE SOMETHING,
THE WHOLE VALLEY OF PEACE WOULD HAVE BEEN DESTROYED.
- I DON'T LIVE IN THE VALLEY OF PEACE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT ME. MY NEEDS.
YOU SOUND JUST LIKE MY WIFE.
EXCEPT SHE HAD A DEEPER VOICE.
I USED TO BE A WARRIOR.
NOW I'M JUST A DOUGHY GUY
WITH REALLY SCALY, DRY SKIN.
I HAVE NOTHING.
THE DRAGON WARRIOR TOOK IT ALL AWAY.
- I'M SO SORRY.
- WHY? DRAGON WARRIOR DID IT, NOT YOU.
- I MEAN, LIKE, SORRY SYMPATHETIC,
NOT "SORRY I'M THE GUY WHO RUINED YOUR LIFE,"
WHICH I'M NOT. AND I DIDN'T.
DO. THAT.
- "SORRY" DOESN'T GET ME A JOB.
DOESN'T GET MY LIFE BACK.
[sniffs]
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA HELP YOU GET YOUR LIFE BACK.
LET'S MAKE A LIST.
THEN WE JUST KNOCK THINGS OFF IT AS WE GO.
OKAY. HOUSE. JOB. TWO GOAT FRIENDS.
- THEY NEVER LIKED ME.
- SELF-ESTEEM.
- STUPID SELF-ESTEEM.
I HATE YOU FOR NOT ME HAVING YOU!
AAH! OW!
- ANGER ISSUES.
- YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WORKING HERE.
DAD?
- WHO'S THERE?
- UGH!
- UH, DAD, THIS IS HUNDUN.
HE'S YOUR NEW WAITER.
- OH. TABLE FIVE NEEDS EGG ROLLS!
- OW.
AND YOU CAN STAY HERE UNTIL YOU'RE BACK ON YOUR FEET.
- DID A SMALL CHILD LIVE HERE?
- [laughs] COOL STUFF, RIGHT?
WHOA. UH, LIMITED EDITIONS.
- [sighs] THANKS, PO.
I MISJUDGED YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST SOME DUMB PANDA.
- HA. HE'S NOT JUST A DUMB PANDA.
HE'S THE DRAGON--
- 'KAY, GOOD NIGHT!
UH, DAD... [laughs]
LET'S NOT MENTION ME BEING THE DRAGON WARRIOR TO HUNDUN.
I JUST WANT HIM TO GET TO LIKE ME.
AS PO.
GOT YOU SOMETHING.
- SLIPPERS.
- FROM THE HAO JAO REGION.
ITEM NUMBER SIX. SKADOOSH.
- [groans]
SORRY.
I CAN'T EVEN SIT DOWN RIGHT.
DUMB RHINO!
STUPID, IDIOTIC DUMBNESS!
- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU BEATING YOURSELF UP FOR?
- IT HELPS ME.
IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT RELIEVES MY RAMPANT ANGER.
- YEAH.
LUCKILY, I HAVE JUST THE THING FOR UNBRIDLED RAGE.
IT'S A LITTLE THING I LIKE TO CALL KUNG FU TRAINING.
[gong reverberates]
OKAY, SO IN KUNG FU,
THE GOAL IS TO ADDRESS YOUR WEAKNESS,
WHICH, IN YOUR CASE, HAPPENS TO BE YOUR TEMPER.
- LIAR! I HAVE NO WEAKNESSES!
- HEY, HEY, HEY, EVERYONE HAS WEAKNESSES.
ME, I CAN'T DEFEND AGAINST THE SWIRLING LYNX ROUND KICK.
HA! HUAH!
UGH. SEE WHAT I MEAN?
COMPLETELY DEFENSELESS.
- YEAH, BUT YOU'RE JUST A PANDA.
- EVEN THE MASTERS HAVE WEAKNESSES.
- YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE I'M PATHETIC.
- NO. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE FURIOUS FIVE HAS A WEAKNESS.
MASTER TIGRESS, IT'S THE ARMPIT.
GRAB MONKEY'S TAIL, HE'S A GONER.
MANTIS, BLIND SPOT ON THE RIGHT.
VIPER, FRONTAL ATTACK.
CRANE, SWEEP THE LEG.
- HEY. HOW COME YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THE FURIOUS FIVE?
- UH, JUST A...FAN.
LIKE YOU'RE A FAN OF UNBRIDLED RAGE.
- OH. YEAH.
- [grunts]
- YEAH.
- [groans]
- SEE? YOU GOT MAD THERE.
LET'S GO AGAIN.
AM I MAKING YOU MAD? HUH? HUH? HUH?
- [yells]
[straining]
- DOES THAT HURT?
DOESN'T HURT, BUT IT MAKES YOU MAD, DOESN'T IT?
UH-HUH. YEP. MAKING YOU MAD?
UH-HUH-HUH? AM I? AM I?
- [groans]
- ANGER. YOU'RE TOO ANGRY. DO IT AGAIN.
- [snorts]
[groaning]
- HOW ABOUT THAT? HUH?
AM I MAKING YOU MAD, MR. RAGEY?
HUH? STILL MR. RAGEY?
- [yells, groans]
- YOU FEEL THAT? HMM? DO YOU SEE THAT?
THAT'S--THAT'S JUST LIKE THE RAGE THAT BURNS!
AND IT'S COMING UP!
AND THE BACKGROUND SINGERS LIKE--
* OOH, OOH, AH, AH
* RAGE
- [groans]
[triumphant music]
*
- HA. YEAH.
- I FEEL POWERFUL.
LIKE A GREAT SEA EAGLE
SOARING OVER THE SEA WITH MY WING POWER.
LIKE I COULD FINALLY ACHIEVE MY DREAMS.
YOU ARE A TRUE FRIEND, PO.
I OWE YOU EVERYTHING. COME HERE, YOU.
- THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO.
THEY--THEY HELP EACH OTHER,
AND THEY TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING.
THAT'S WHY THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU.
- THAT'S GREAT, BECAUSE I HAVE A SECRET
THAT I COULD ONLY TELL YOU NOW, BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
IT'S MY SPECIAL DREAM,
AND YOU MADE IT POSSIBLE, FRIEND.
- THAT'S SWEET. YOU GO FIRST.
- OKAY. MY SPECIAL DREAM IS...
I'M GOING TO DESTROY THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
NOW YOU GO.
- OH. UH...
MY SPECIAL DREAM WAS TO HAVE YOU MEET THE DRAGON WARRIOR
AND BE FRIENDS.
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. I COULD BEFRIEND HIM.
- EXACTLY.
- AND THEN KILL HIM.
- THE DRAGON WARRIOR FESTIVAL STARTS IN AN HOUR,
AND PO IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN.
I NEED YOU TO FIND HIM.
START WITH THE DUMPLING CARTS!
- I'M NOT SURE KILLING THE DRAGON WARRIOR'S A GOOD IDEA.
[laughs] IF YOU EVER FIND OUT WHO HE IS.
AAH! DRAGON WARRIOR DAY.
- WHY NOT?
MY RAGE USED TO BE LIKE A ROTTING FISH.
THEN YOU TURNED IT INTO A BLOSSOM.
LIKE A BEAUTIFUL, DEATH-DEALING AZALEA.
- ME? UH, NAH.
- YOU SURE DID.
I USED TO JUST FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF.
NOW I CAN ACTUALLY KILL SOMEONE.
THANKS TO YOU.
- IT WAS NOTHING.
- HEY, PO.
- YES, IT WAS.
- NO, IT WASN'T.
- HEY.
ARE YOU TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING FROM ME?
- WHAT? [laughs] NO.
WHAT--WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY BE HIDING FROM YOU?
- HUH?
- I MEAN, I'M AN OPEN BOOK.
- HUH? - UH, NOTHING TO HIDE.
JUST A REGULAR GUY WHO HELPS HIS FRIENDS.
- HUH?
- I'M STANDING RIGHT BEHIND ME, AREN'T I?
- YOU ARE THE DRAGON WARRIOR?
YOU LIED TO ME!
- BUT FOR GOOD REASON,
BECAUSE YOU HATED THE DRAGON WARRIOR,
BUT HE'S NICE AND I'M HIM,
SO I WAS NICE AND YOU LIKE ME,
AND I'M THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
IT'S LESS COMPLICATED THAN IT SOUNDS.
- YOU LIED TO MAKE ME YOUR FRIEND,
BUT INSTEAD YOU TRAINED YOUR ASSASSIN.
- UH, INTERESTING PERSPECTIVE.
- NOW WE FIGHT.
- NO WAY, HUNDUN.
I DON'T FIGHT FRIENDS.
WE ARE FRIENDS, RIGHT?
- YAH!
YOU CAN'T RUN, DRAGON WARRIOR!
I WILL FIND A WAY TO MAKE YOU FIGHT ME!
IN A FIGHT!
- SO WE'RE GOOD?
AND THEN HE THREATENED A KILL ME.
- THERE'S A RHINO WHO WANTS YOU DEAD,
SO YOU GOT HIM A JOB, A PLACE TO LIVE,
AND TAUGHT HIM HOW TO KILL YOU?
- YEAH.
I MEAN...YEAH.
- WHERE IS HUNDUN NOW?
- I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, HE SAID HE WAS GONNA MAKE ME FIGHT HIM,
WHICH--HOW COULD HE DO THAT?
- PO! HELP ME!
- DAD!
- HA HA HA!
- LET HIM GO, HUNDUN.
- PO! PO, HELP ME!
EAT AT MR. PING'S NOODLE SHOP.
SAVE ME FROM CERTAIN DEMISE!
EVERYTHING HALF OFF BEFORE 5:00.
- SO WILLING TO FIGHT ME NOW, DRAGON WARRIOR?
- THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
- THE ONLY THING BETWEEN YOU AND ME
WILL BE MY FIST, COMING FROM ME, PUNCHING YOU!
- PUT MY DAD DOWN, HUNDUN.
I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU.
- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WILL FEEL THE HURT
FROM MY HURTING YOU.
- NO, PO.
YOU TAUGHT HIM YOUR WEAKNESS.
WE'LL HANDLE THIS.
- NO.
UH, GUYS!
I FORGOT.
I ACCIDENTALLY TOLD HIM YOUR WEAKNESSES TOO.
- HUH! AAH!
- BLIND SPOT. FRONT. TAIL. ANKLE.
[gong reverberates]
OH.
- NO.
- [laughs]
ONLY A COWARD WOULD HIDE BEHIND HIS FRIENDS.
BUT THERE'S NOWHERE TO HIDE NOW.
- YOU WANT ME, NOT MY DAD!
- AAH!
- HIYAH!
- AH!
I DON'T WANT THIS, HUNDUN.
I STILL THINK OF YOU AS MY FRIEND.
SO LET'S JUST STOP NOW AND CALL IT EVEN.
- [laughs]
YOU CAN'T BEAT ME.
I KNOW YOUR WEAKNESS, AND YOU CURED ME OF MINE.
- OH, DID I?
- YES, YOU DID.
- OH! YEAH. PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT.
I, UH...
- [grunts]
- OOH!
THEY'RE REENACTING THE BATTLE
BETWEEN PO AND TAI LUNG FOR DRAGON WARRIOR DAY.
*
- OH.
- ADMIT IT.
YOU ARE DEFEATED.
- THERE'S TWO SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT ON THAT.
ONE, AND TWO!
HA! DRAGON WARRIOR DAY!
- UGH.
[crowd cheering]
- STOP. STOP.
YOU--YOU-- YOU'RE RIGHT, PO.
IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME.
I'VE BEEN SO SELFISH.
I'M SORRY.
- YOU ARE?
- YES. FORGIVE ME.
FRIENDS?
I EVEN GOT YOU SOMETHING FOR DRAGON WARRIOR DAY.
I THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT.
A SWIRLING LYNX ROUND KICK!
- OOH!
[crowd gasps]
[both grunting]
- OOH.
- HA HA.
YOUR REAL WEAKNESS, PO, IS NOT THE KICK.
IT'S YOUR HEART.
IT'S AS BIG AND SAPPY AS AN OLD SAPPY PLUM TREE
FILLED WITH PLUM SAP.
- AT LEAST I HAVE A HEART.
- HUH?
- BUT ALL I'VE DONE IS BEEN KIND,
AND ALL YOU'VE DONE IS BLAME ME FOR YOUR ROTTEN LIFE.
AND GUESS WHAT. I LOVE PLUM SAP.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
[gasps] I DODGED THE KICK.
I DODGED THE KICK!
[triumphant music]
SWEET.
NOT SURE IF YOU REALIZE THIS,
BUT I JUST DODGED ALL YOUR SWIRLING LYNX ROUND KICKS.
HA HA.
- [groans]
- YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR WEAKNESS IS, HUNDUN?
YOU STINK AT FRIENDSHIP.
[cheers and applause]
FLAMING WINGS!
- OH! [laughs]
- [grunts]
HUH?
MY HORN!
- HA. IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING WITH THIS GUY.
- PO, LOOK, THE STATUE.
- YOU SAVED ME.
WHY?
- THAT'S WHAT... THE DRAGON WARRIOR...
DOES. OH, THIS IS HEAVY.
- I DON'T NEED YOUR...HELP.
- SO, PO, DID YOU ENJOY DRAGON WARRIOR DAY?
- YEAH.
- HEY, NOT FEELING BAD THAT YOU EXPOSED OUR WEAKNESSES
TO HUNDUN AND PUT US IN MORTAL DANGER?
- UH...
OF COURSE.
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT THAT.
I'M SORRY I PUT YOU GUYS IN DANGER.
- IT'S OKAY.
- AH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'S OKAY.
- BUT, HEY, WASN'T IT THE BEST DRAGON WARRIOR DAY EVER
IN THE HISTORY OF ALL TIME?
PLUS THEY REOPENED CHOR GHOM PRISON, RIGHT?
HUNDUN GOT HIS WISH.
- HOME AGAIN.
FINALLY HOME.
MY REVENGE WILL BE LIKE A POISON RIVER
OF MOLTEN IRON WHICH DRIPS AND BURNS
LIKE IRON THAT HAS BEEN MELTED AND NOW DRIPS.
AND BURNS.
[laughs]
AW...
YOU'RE GONNA PAY, PO.
YOU'RE GONNA PAY!