What is this, Shef?
At least try not using your phone on a handful of occasions.
This is jogger's park not blogger's park.
I know, Rish... But...
Next week is Yohan's class party.
- Right. - So, 'the list' can be out...
...on the WhatsApp group, any minute now.
And if I am not focused, the lazy mommies are going to take...
...all the easy dishes and we will be left with Chhole Bhature.
- You remember that? - No.
- No Chhole Bhature this time. - Exactly.
Even we have the right to prepare 10 glasses of Lassi.
Of course. "I, you, we all drink Lassi. Yo!"
- Dude. - No, I am sorry.
You focus on your mommies group.
I hate them all. They are all evil.
- They don't deserve you. - Hi.
Good morning. Hi, Shefali.
- Hello, Mrs. Kapoor. Good morning. - Hello
Oh, Rishabh. You are not keeping up
with the Kapoors, are you? I am not Mrs. anymore.
- Call me Kanta. - Oh!
Oh, I am so sorry, ma'am. I didn't know...
- ...that Mr. Kapoor is no more. - Come on, Rishabh.
Don't vocalise your inner thoughts.
Mr. Kapoor is not dead.
I have just left him. For greener, younger pastures.
- Oh. - You know what I mean, right?
I know exactly what you mean.
To remain youthful, you need to be with someone young.
- Exactly. - Yes!
- This is great. - You are kidding me.
Your youth turned 39, six months ago.
I was there. Remember?
[message notifications] Oh! No...
- What happened to Shefali? - She is...
It's a severe case of Chhole Bhature.
You are funny.
[Title Montage]
Rishabh and Shefali, how would you describe your social life?
Oh, very social. Because of me, of course.
And I am sure people think good about us.
Like, our new neighbours.
Shefali has correctile dysfunction.
Erectile... Correc... Excuse me?
I came up with it.
Basically, Shefali has this constant fear...
...of what people might think about her, her mother-in-law...
...her kids, her husband, her husband's shirt.
Shef's a bit affected.
[cookery show on TV]
Zoru, did you see how fast they chop vegetables?
- Yes, sister. - Can't you cook at such a speed?
- No, sister. - Why?
Because I don't want to be a Masterchef.
I am happy here with brother and you.
What say, brother?
[bell rings]
Open the door.
Who could it be at this hour?
Who is it?
Good evening. Mr. Rishabh Malhotra?
- Yes. - Who is it, Zoru?
- Come, meet. - Hi.
- I am Radha.
- This is Shyam, my husband. - Hi.
- We are your new neighbours. - I am Shefali.
- Welcome. - Thank you.
- Please come in. - Thank you. - You must come.
[Shefali clears throat]
- Hi. Rishabh - Welcome. - Hi.
- Welcome to the neighbourhood. - Radha.
- This is Shyam. - Hi. - Hi.
Actually we are still unpacking.
And our fridge is not connected. Shyam loves ice tea.
And there is no ice at home. So I thought...
...why not break the ice as well as borrow some?
- Good one. - Right?
Actually, there is no formality between neighbours.
Thy neighbour is thy best friend.
I get it. Okay, ice is in the fridge.
- Follow me. - Okay.
[awkward silence]
- Smart TV? - Smart TV.
- So beautiful. - You are being kind.
This is such a shabby look. I didn't know...
...you were going to come home. We were just watching TV casually.
- I was talking about the house. - Oh.
No but I really love your hair. You know it falls so nicely.
Actually, that's thanks to Anokhi, my stylist, at BBlunt.
She is fab. Honestly, I decide the style...
...but she is great at execution. I will pass her number to you.
- She will help you out. - Okay.
A 42-inch smart TV? Full HD?
- Full HD. - Smart.
- I will tell you the story later. - In fact...
...we have a couples' poker group.
- Really? - It's great fun.
- Why don't you and Shyam join in? - I love poker.
I-I am pretty good at it. You will see.
Me too. But we never win, because...
...Rishabh is so bad at it.
Believe me, Shyam is no gift to poker either.
- Bloody men. - Seriously.
Where they are supposed to lie they are unable to lie. Stupid...
You are so funny, Shef. You know, I am so glad I met you.
Absolutely, Rads. After meeting you, I feel...
...like I have met a long lost sister. Give me a hug. - Aww.
[clears throat]
You know, even my brother-in-law has a smart TV.
Oh. I don't have a brother-in-law.
Oh, really? Okay.
[Shefali gasps] I can't believe you just said that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is...
...to follow a diet in a Punjabi family?
You know what our family favourites are?
Butter chicken, Aloo Parantha,Gobi ka Parantha with white butter.
- It's brutal, bro. - Oh please, Shef.
That's what I am saying. Diet alone won't help you.
You should totally join my pilates class.
And I am even offering you a discount as your neighbour.
You should be so happy.
It's not like you are some wonder woman.
[Radha gasps] Come on, touch my abs.
Touch them. Now, punch me.
- Punch me as hard as you can. - I am doing it. - Yeah.
- I am doing it. - I'm ready! - Oow!
Saw that? Pilates!
- Bro, if my wrist gets better... - Just a second.
- ...I'll join your pilates classes. - Dip your hands in ice.
- It must be hurting a lot. - Hey, I don't have extra ice.
Do you have the YouTube button on the remote?
Yes. It's a smart TV.
Correct. Sorry.
- Hundred percent. I'll definitely do that workout. - You don't skip.
- I won't. - Okay?
- So good to meet you. - Bye.
- Shall we leave, baby? - Yes, let's leave.
-Bye, Rishabh. Goodnight. - Bye.
-See you. Nice chat. - Bye. - Bye.
[closes door]
Rish, Radha is such a sorted, patient, friendly girl.
I loved meeting her. How was Shyam?
He is smart. You can talk to him about anything.
Yeah? Nice.
Shefali, may I conclude that you form new relationships quickly?
They are our new neighbours. I remember when we had shifted...
...we faced a lot of troubles. I like being nice.
What's wrong with being nice? When you are nice, people like you.
When they like you, they are willing to forgive...
...all the crazy things that your family may do.
Wait. Look at me. Yohan, it's a bad thing to steal.
And we don't do bad deeds in this house.
Do you understand? Regardless of how tasty the chocolate is...
...you should never steal it. Okay?
When people learn about this, what will they think about me?
Do you want people to write My son is a thief on your mom's hand?
And who has taught you to steal?
[Rishabh's mom] Dear God!
As soon as I got to know, I threw away my shawl...
...and came running all the way from the shop.
By God! It's a wrong thing to steal, Yohan.
I have bought this for you. A book on good parenting.
Read and learn something. By God, how good was my grandson.
Mom? Where did you get this book?
[mom scoffs] From the chocolate shop. Where else?
- Did you pay for it? - Umm... Ye-ah...
I paid a lot of money for it. I left in such a huff that I forgot my shawl.
I have to go back.
- Mom? - Then I have to go home.
- I know what is happening, Mom. - It will get late.
- I have to go get my shawl. - I will complain to dad.
I know what is happening here.
Mom is also a shoplifter?
It happened once.
I think it's Yohan's bad influence on mom.
- This has never happened before. - Really?
On our house warming day...
...she got a new nameplate for our new house.
- That's very thoughtful. - Yes.
A house is recognised by its nameplate.
Yes. But the nameplate had Mehrotras written on it.
- While we are Malhotras. - Oh, okay.
Mom hadn't worn her glasses. So, she picked up the wrong nameplate.
What is the big deal?
You remember that day at the Gurudwara?
She had organised a prayer service. As soon as it ended...
...she collected 50 rupees each from the guests...
...to tip the waiter.
A waiter is also a human being.
Doesn't he need money? She is really caring, you know.
She thinks about everyone. You just don't get it, Shef.
It was a Gurudwara, not Punjab Sweets.
There are no waiters at a Gurudwara.
Okay, can we just talk about Yohan?
He is the root cause of everything. Complete disappointment.
- Remember? - Yeah.
Look at this, Rish. Yoyo's report card.
What is this? Forty-four in History...
...forty-three in Geography, forty-two in Geometry.
- There is a 75 over here. - That's the absent day marking.
- We have to speak to him. - Yeah, right.
We definitely have to speak to him. He is going from bad to worse.
I think we need to threaten him.
Get your act together. Because if you carry on like this...
...you will end up as a labourer or a sweeper.
- Correct? - Come on, Rish.
What's wrong with their jobs?
- We need them all. - Okay, I will say bus conductor.
Again? What's shameful...
...in being a bus conductor? In fact...
...you need to be good at Math.
Stop being so classist and patronising.
Wow, I have become classist and patronising now(?)
I thought I couldn't do two things at once(!)
Okay. Alright.
Can I say a hawker. Is that fine?
You might not have heard about dignity of labour.
You need physical strength to wheel around all those wares.
- Tea seller? - If he can be a tea seller...
...then why can't he become the Prime Minister?
Then what should I tell him, Shef?
Yohan, if you don't study, you'll have to run a company...
...that manufactures ball bearings.
And then when you grow up, you'll tell me "Dad, I want to be an actor..."
"...or I want to be a singer." And I'll say, with these results...
...you're only capable of running a ball-bearing company.
Then you will get married, you will have three kids.
And they will make fun of you. And everything you do...
...will never be good enough and you'll fail.
Yohan, would you let that happen to your mom?
- Again? - She is right, Yohan.
Think about your mom. Concentrate on your studies.
Now go. [throws ball]
[wicked laugh]
You know, we all dream about an ideal life.
And we get stuck in the scrimmage of pushing our kids...
...in the direction of that dream.
- Yes. - Scrim what?
I understood. I completely get it.
In fact, "wish" is my favourite word.
[weird smile]
[watching TV]
They won the lottery, Rish.
I wish even we had won a lottery.
We are not amongst the ones who win.
Don't get overexcited.
I know. But just imagine.
That we win a lottery of Rs. 5 crores.
What would you do?
We'll have to pay taxes as well.
Yeah... We'll pay taxes. So, there will be approximately Rs. 4 crores.
You have Rs. 4 crores. What would you do?
I would go to Rujuta Diwekar and say Here is your cash.
Who's Rujuta Diwekar?
Rujuta Diwekar is Bandra's No.1 dietician. Show some respect.
She's really expensive. As of today I can't afford her.
You know, Shef, I'm very disappointed in you.
You've Rs. 4 crores, approximately, after tax.
and you're going to Rujuta Diwekar, a dietician.
If I become size zero, then I can go to Palladium Mall...
...and buy Gucci's white sequin dress from their autumn-winter collection.
Girl, you're so rich, okay?
Think big. Yeah think slim too. But think big.
Let your imagination run wild. Have fun.
- Okay, point taken. - Yes.
- So, I'll hire a private jet. - Yes.
- I'll jet off straight to the Maldives. - Wow.
- And book a private suite at the St. Regis. - Okay.
- I like Maldives. - You do?
- I like Maldives. - Have you seen the pictures? - Yes. - Okay.
Then, I'll hire Michael Jackson for a private performance.
Okay, this is going to be a bit of a shock.
- So, Michael... - Dude! I know.
I'm not stupid, Rish. I know he's no more.
But there's nobody like him. I really miss him.
- Greatest of all time. - I miss him too.
- Okay - Yes. - My private jet. - Done.
Fly to Maldives. In Maldives, at St. Regis, a suite and a pool.
- And of course, I want a pet tiger. - Yes. - I want a pet tiger. - Done.
So, I'm in my pool, champagne in hand, Michael in front of me.
VJ Tommy in my arms and my white Gucci dress in the closet.
Who's VJ Tommy?
When did I say VJ Tommy? Tommy, my pet tiger. I've a pet tiger, right?
What is the pet tiger doing with you in the pool?
Man, it's a huge pool. And tiger... Tommy likes to swim.
- Now if you don't have any problem, can I go back to my pool? - Okay.
You know, not once did you mention my name...
...like I'm with you.
- I didn't? - You've got Rs. 4 crores approximately, right?
The money has changed you.
Some people should never get rich.
Shefali, you said when you moved into this building...
...you found things difficult.
Now it's been a while. Do you still feel you don't fit in?
Now we like it. We even have some friends in the building.
Surya and Vaishali.
I don't know. People in my building are so judgemental.
There's constant scrutiny. There's a lot of gossip.
But I guess now I like it. Yeah.
- And what do you like? - The gossip.
Okay, guys. By the way, have you heard about Kanta?
Did you hear exactly what I did?
Obviously you must've heard what I told you, silly.
I heard that after leaving Kanti bhai, Kanta has been sleeping...
According to the sources...
...Kanta and Junaid bhai have been playing Kho kho(!)
But Kho kho is a multi-player game, right?
I had heard about their mixed doubles. But Kho kho?
Junaid bhai must have a great stamina.
Oh, by the way. I met Kanta on the jogging track.
And she called me and she asked me...
- ...if I would like to play golf with her someday. - What? - Yeah.
Actually golf is a low energy game, right? So, correct.
It could also be for men who like to take their time?
It's also a game of small balls, Rish.
Yes, but I'm rich. I have membership.
Forget about all that. I've heard that Junaid bhai...
...also enjoys playing water sports.
Stop it! Yuck!
Yeah, stop it. Yuck.
Wait a minute. What did you say to Kanta, by the way?
I said, I'll ask Shefali and we can play together.
Aha!
That means you'll be getting an invite to play Kho kho as well(!)
No.
What if you both actually get an invitation like that...
- ...what would you say? - Shut up, Surya.
I'm just curious.
- Yeah? - No. - No.
- One is good! - Yeah.
I knew this.
Baby, they are of that kind of flavour.
The boring kind.
- Vanila. - Yeah, Vanila.
You mean 'Vanilla'. Like it's vanilla.
- Vanilla? - Correct, exactly.
And at least we got an invitation, you didn't even get any.
What? Really? No way.
- What did you say? - The thing is...
...we like to try new things.
Yes. You know, variety is the spice of life. Isn't it?
What're you trying to say here? We don't like to try new things? Huh?
Guys... FYI.
- We've tried snails. That too in Paris. - Correct.
In fact, Shefali puked everything out. But I didn't. She was like...
- Isn't that too much information? - Yeah.
And we can climb down an escalator which's going up. Beat that.
Very good. That means you can also climb up the one which is going up.
- Obviously. - Forget it, dear.
Our Shef and Rish are that 'Yo' type of couple.
Very very cool. Not like us.
- Yo. - Oh really?
Do you have this? A remote of a smart TV?
There's a button for YouTube.
No need to browse the web. Just press it, boom, it's on.
Enough. This conversation is getting sillier.
Surya, let's go. You need to soak the kidney beans...
...and take the clothes out from the dryer. Hmm?
Oh, you need to soak the kidney beans?
You don't have to blanch the asparagus tonight?
- Goodnight, guys. - Goodnight.
Nice. I like asparagus.
That's weird.
Today we discussed about you and your social circle...
Sorry, can I say something?
Please.
After today's discussion, I feel...
...that you're taking me for a crazy person...
...who's trying to present an ideal image of her family...
...and in doing that she's been putting crazy pressure on her family.
And it's not like that?
It's just like that. But I'm equally hard on myself.
I'm a perfectionist. It's not easy being me.
And sometimes, I keep my ego aside and apologise on Rish's behalf too.
- It's true. - It is true.
Hey, I am really sorry about the other day.
Rishabh shouldn't have spoken about our smart TV.
We aren't money-minded people, are we?
Here... Have a cookie. Danish. From Denmark.
You know, friendship is a connection between hearts.
TV, kidney beans and asparagus have nothing to do with it.
Rishabh's cupboard may be messy but his heart is clean.
Please don't feel bad.
Just have a chocolate. Mackintosh. From England.
It's okay, Shef. Even we shouldn't have made fun of you.
Okay, tell me something. You have not discussed this matter with anyone, right?
Which matter? That you guys are vanilla?
Of course not. Why would I discuss it with anyone?
It's just that I couldn't come for the morning walks last week.
Maybe then, you mentioned it to someone?
No no, not at all. Why would they talk about you?
No, like... I wasn't there. So, it's possible that you spoke about me to someone there.
No! We didn't have the time.
Didn't have the time? You mean, my absence didn't make any difference to any of you guys?
Of course not, Shef. So, Mrs. Verma's dog, Jujups...
...had a 103 degree fever.
Tick fever. We're just distracted. Poor thing.
Hmm. Jujups.
There could be another reason for your distraction.
No, Shef. Just Jujups. Don't worry, nobody spoke about you.
I swear. Nobody said anything.
By the way, this mackintoast is very tasty.
- Mackintosh. - Can I take one? - Of course.
Some cookies too? Daanish, right?
Danish.
Okay. Our session today ends here at an interesting point.
We'll continue this next week.
Before we go, I want to say that...
...I never ignore an opportunity to correct my mistakes.
Is it? As in?
As in, recently at a party, I cracked a joke...
...and people laughed.
Really?
Yes! Even I was shocked. Like, people weren't smiling.
They were laughing out loud.
And they were all saying,Rish, you're the man...
Doc, up until then, people had either told me...
...Rish, you are a man.
Or Rish, be a man.
But this was the first time when people said Rish, you're the man.
How amazing is that(!)
But then I got to know that...
...Son of Abish is going to perform at Mishra theatre on Hill Road.
So what?
That joke was Son of Abish's. I had just copied it.
If my friends had seen that show...
...then I wouldn't have been able to face them like a man.
Then, how did you make up for your mistake?
With just a phone call.
Hello, Mishra theatre?
Yes, sir, is Son of Abish going to perform at this theatre?
So, how many seats do you have in your theatre?
Oh! 45 seats.
Very good! I would like to book all the seats.
Yes, yes. I'm sure. Yes, I will send someone. Thank You.
Unbelievable.
Wait wait, that's not it. There's more.
Hello, Globus theatre? I heard that Son of Abish is going to perform in your theatre as well?
Oh, how many seats do you have?
150? What's the ticket price?
Okay, book all the seats.
Hello, St. Andrew's theatre?
Yes, 800 seats.
Yes, demand and supply is a fact.
Yes, I know he isn't that funny.
Yes, credit card please. Thank You.
[Theme music playing]