I ate long back.
Did my babykins eat or no?
Ew! Babykins?
Listen, baby and all is fine. Not babykins.
You're not one of those cheesy boyfriends, are you?
No, no, no, I am not at all cheesy!
I am very plain.
Good.
We won't be a 90's style duo of swans, but rather a new age couple,
Like, Virushka.
Or Deepveer.
Baby, what will our couple name be?
If we put Dhruv and Chhavi together
- Dhruvi? - Too feminine.
Chhavi and Dhruv.
- Chhadru? - Too masculine.
We look so cute together.
We should call each other by cute names too, right?
Like, Ponu.
Tunnu. Nonu.
- I like Nonu. - I know, right?
Okay, you're Nonu from today.
You're Noni!
Nonu and Noni!
Saying it together sounds so cute, right?
Okay, now Nonu and Noni will take a nap.
No, no, no! Not now!
It's only been five hours since we got talking.
Nonu, let's sleep early. You know what class is scheduled tomorrow.
I don't care which class it is, I just want to speak to my Noni.
Noni.
F**k, what are you blabbing about since so long?
You asked me.
I asked you which is the next class, rascal!
Do you see the state he is in?
He can't tell you what day it is. How can he tell you what class is scheduled?
Brother, are you okay?
I am fine. What's wrong with you?
I had a bit of a tussle with Mukesh sir after school.
Forget about him. Tell me about you.
You are heartbroken.
Hey, it's not just him.
All three of us!
One of us may break up, but as friends, all of us are heartbroken, right?
But we didn't break up!
- We are on a break. - Wow.
Same difference. Potato, puhtato.
Bro...
It was your first relationship, a long distance one, to boot.
Sooner or later, it was meant to happen. Good it happened soon.
Brother, there are many other fish in the sea.
Why don't you try getting into the water, for once?
Kabir, man! Why are you saying such random stuff to appease him?
Dhrvu, fish can only be found in an aquarium.
Listen, brother, you will have your day.
But only when you can move on from Chhavi.
Can we move on from here for now?
I have to attend today's sex ed class.
Oh, yes! F**k!
I remember now.
We hadn't been having our sex ed class since so many days!
Remember the last class?
Tiwari sir broke out into a sweat about mentioning the word sex.
It was so very difficult for him to say S-E-X and he fainted after he said it.
Let's see what he does today.
It's not going to be him, it's going to be her today.
Tiwari sir is still admitted at the trauma center.
I don't know who but some lady teacher will replace him today.
- Lady teacher! - Lady teacher!
"The world says watch your step."
"It keeps saying watch your step."
"The world keeps saying it. That's what it does."
"We are getting infamous for no reason. That's it."
"The world says watch your step."
'It's very tough to forget your first love.'
'Everybody tells you that.'
'But no one tells you that it's even more'
'difficult to forget your first breakup.'
'To forget about her, I began to think of her as Voldemort.'
'She who must not be named.'
'But still her power kept growing.'
'So much so that I could only see her now.'
'And I could only hear her too.'
If Chhavi Chhavi Chhavi then Chhavi Chhavi Chhavi.
Sir, Chhavi square plus 2 Chhavi equals 2 Chhavi Chhavi.
Very Chhavi, very Chhavi.
Now, Chhavi Chhavi on page Chhavi.
Why doesn't this b***d book end?
'You know that feeling, right?'
'When a paper is totally vile.'
'But you get out of the exam hall and everyone is discussing it.'
For the first time there's a subject that I think I will top in.
I am thinking, is it going to be just theory or practical class too?
'After the breakup I felt the same way about the sex ed class too.'
So, my name is Shilpa. I am your new sex ed teacher.
Everyone will have a new attendance sheet.
This is your new seating arrangement for this class.
Each boy has been paired with the closest girl roll number wise.
And vice versa.
So first of all, please find your new partners and sit close to them.
But not so close that they can smell your horny little hormones.
Just kidding. Because technically those are pheromones.
Go on.
- Hi, Kabir. Sit a little closer. - Hey.
No, I am fine.
Hi, I am Sushmita.
From Commerce.
Hi, I am Susu.
PCM.
Wasn't it PKMKB?
Yeah, exactly.
Same.
PKMC...
Hi.
- I am... - Chhaya!
'Everyone knows you! '
'There is one girl in every class whom all the boys dream of.'
'But you don't even exist for her.'
'Chhaya is that very girl from the 11th grade.'
Hello!
Sorry, please sit.
Alright.
So which three letter word is responsible for life and creation?
G-O-D! God.
S-E-X. Sex.
See? There's still so much stigma attached to this word.
We blush at the mention of it.
But unless we speak about it, how can we drive the confusion away?
Listen, I can understand
that at your age, speaking about sex openly is a bit difficult.
Which is why your principal also told me to just skim through the subject
and not go too deep.
That's what she said.
Yes. See?
You have to just open up to feel more comfortable.
That's what he said!
Ma'am.
Ma'am, how does one move on after a break up?
Asking for a friend.
Shut up.
See, love, break up etc at this age
is not as serious as we think they are.
In fact we get as easily attracted to someone as we get distracted.
So maybe, your friend just needs a little distraction to get over his break up.
Ma'am! But what if the person who needs to move is a loser?
I mean, not easily distracted?
Asking for a friend.
Everybody takes their own time and you
can't really force these things, right?
'I was wrong.'
'This was the feeling, when one exam is bad and we get scared of the rest.'
'But for the next exam, the school topper sits next to you.'
Anymore questions? Maybe related to sex ed more than love ed?
'I have a question for my heart.'
'You just got wounded.'
'How can you still beat so hard?'
Excuse me?
Can you just turn off your alarm?
Please?
Can you turn off your alarm?
Please?
Okay, class, why isn't anyone asking any questions?
Either you aren't interested in Sex Ed.
Or you know it all.
Either ways, I am getting a feeling I am not needed here.
Ma'am, when do periods end?
Good question! Proud of you.
See, Indian women get their menopause around the age of 45.
- But many times it happens that... - Ma'am.
I wanted to know when the sex ed period end.
It's been quite a long class, right?
Okay, that's it.
Here's what we are gonna do.
I will speak to the principal to put up a drop box outside.
You can put your questions in there anonymously.
And we will take those questions in the next session. Period over.
Bye, see you in the next class.
F**k!
Chhaya Mittal is your partner!
This calls for a party, rascal!
- Have you lost it? - Yes!
'People keep calling love a fever.'
'But I was now beginning to realize'
'that heartbreak is an affliction too!'
Because it makes you lose your sense of taste, too.
Sir, this 'Kaala Khatta' is black, but not tangy like the name.
Like my life.
Will you toss it away just because it's black?
Black gola matters, ya! Hashtag BGM!
Take that.
Mine wasn't even black!
You've been giving me the red one, all the while calling it Kaala Khatta!
Oh, God!
This boy will come to nothing.
'When you lose the one good thing in your life'
'nothing feels right.'
'I mean, nothing at all.'
Dhruv! You should always listen to the teachers.
That ma'am has been telling you don't stop
since so long and you turned the video off, now.
Hey, stop it, okay?
This girl isn't having all that much fun. She is pretending.
All these girls are alike.
- They pretend to be in love and then they leave. - You f**k!
How long will you keep whining like Dev from DevD? Be like Kamadev.
If these videos don't do anything for you don't be scared.
Buddy, we have a Dropbox now.
The next sex education class will resolve this problem of yours.
Are you insane?
I don't have any problem.
One moment, wait.
Sex education class?
You mean, they are teaching you sex education in school
and you are still virgins?
Lucky Bhaiya, I bet you had a lot of sex in school, right?
A lot! I mean a lot.
So much that I am sick of it now.
Even if a girl requests, begs, pleads, falls at my feet, I say no.
No means no. My body, my choice.
By the way, what do they teach you at sex education class?
Sex.
- Yes, sex. - Yes.
- Sometimes, they make us do the hanky panky. - Masturbation.
They don't make us do it!
- No, they don't make us do it, they make us read it. - Notes.
Virgins!
So the tank is filled with water but no one is opening the tap to release it.
What will happen then?
Overflow?
Similarly, nightfall is the overflow of semen in the body.
So if you want, you can take my notes.
No, thank you.
I don't think I need your notes that too on nightfall.
By the way, you don't make friends too easily, do you?
I guess, because I am a Virgo.
Actually I am a virgin too.
Nice to know.
- Is it? - And nightfall is quite common at your age.
And although it's called a dream flaw
but trust me, there is nothing flawed about it.
So you don't have to feel guilty either.
Next question.
'My friend is liar, but hips don't lie.'
'And her hips are growing bigger every day.'
'I feel jealous and even sometimes attracted to her voluptuous body.'
'I hope I am not gay.' Well, technically, you'd be lesbian.
- You know lesbians, right? - Yes ma'am, capital of Portugal.
That's Lisbon.
But thanks. Thanks for answering.
I like your confidence.
That means this can't be you.
Because this girl is under confident
and insecure about her body which she doesn't have to.
Because every body has a different growth rate.
And every body type is beautiful.
'I am habituated to excessive masturbation.'
'I guess that is why I don't put on weight.'
'And I feel weak all day.'
'I hope I won't die.'
Listen, you won't die, but according to a study
excessive masturbation can erase the lines on your palms.
So you're that wicked child!
I think, you are the only one in the class who doesn't enjoy this subject.
Everyone enjoys the sorrow of others.
Chill, buddy. You don't need to take everything so seriously.
You will find that after some years you
will miss these embarrassing memories.
Like you miss her.
You know what?
If you want, you can talk to me.
Or maybe, you just look at me.
Hello! Knock knock.
Chhaya, please.
I admit, you're very hot.
But you're not my distraction.
I just need some time to get over Chhavi.
And when I look at you I only see her.
Both of you have such similar names! Chhavi, Chhaya.
And the meaning of the name? It's exactly the same.
You remind me of her in every way.
Are you done?
Do you think I am speaking to you because I want to...
You know what? I was just trying to be friends with you.
I thought, you don't make friends with boys from this school.
Yes, but you are...
Wait.
Hey, you. Look here.
Half the boy in their school are gutless.
They don't even dare to look at me.
And the rest?
They are clingy. They won't leave even if you ask them to.
But you are different from all of them.
Nneither loser nor stud.
You are just... so average.
I mean, you are so average that even if you come and tell me
that you created the law of averages not Bernoli, I would believe you.
You are this average, ordinary guy who treated me like an ordinary girl.
Not this out of league diva.
And it felt so different!
So normal!
You know what?
I gave my pals a treat, only because I got a seat next to you!
Okay?
I may make you feel any which way
but you are always going to be extra ordinary for me at least.
Just like Chhavi.
I have learnt from her experience
that an ordinary boy and extraordinary girl
can never be friends.
Brother!
You've spoken so much today, you're treating us to two ice slushies today.
Yes.
If you want a liquor filled slushy, tell me.
- Getting involved with girls! - Hey, no man.
If I go home drunk again, dad will say we have a huge
house, why must you drink outside like a rickshaw driver?
Let's do one thing. Let's go to my place.
Papa said we've a huge house. Why drink outside. Drink in here.
I didn't know papa is being sarcastic.
A***e never trust Chinese products and Indian fathers.
Isn't it, Dhruv?
Well there are a few good products in China.
Leave it. You're heart broken, so your mind must not be working.
You tell us, Lucky.
About what? China?
No. About fathers.
Don't get me started.
I was thrown out of college for the rebellion against fathers.
- What? - Yes.
I said until the fathers of our country don't change, this country won't change.
The principal's understood my point. But not the principal.
He threw me out.
I think I heard this.
Leave it. If I had to stop drinking because of my father
then I would've stayed at home.
Why did you call me?
Actually Chhavi cheated on Dhruv and broke his heart.
You rascal! Chhavi didn't cheat me or anything.
- We are just on a break. - Heck you.
Break and break up is only about directions.
Chhavi's chapter is over now, bro.
- Now read a new chapter. - So what if the chapter is over?
The test is coming up.
Dhruv, you should revise. Yes. But...
It's true love! Why should he give her up?
Susu is right.
Why is he whining about a breakup?
I used to write letters to my girl with my own blood!
Oh, brave. I like your idea.
I love those letters written in blue.
Do one thing.
Write a letter to Chhavi with your blood as soon as possible.
Why should I waste my blood on his girl?
I used to write letters to my girl with the
blood of a rat I stole from the bio lab.
God.
The animal rights people don't allow rats in the lab.
But wait a second. I've noticed a couple of rats in the basement.
I'll go find them.
I'm not sending Chhavi any letter written in blood.
And definitely not in fake blood.
Dhruv, love won't fall in your lap like Newton's apple.
You got to grab it.
I don't want to grab anything.
If Chhavi forgets me, then I will forget her too.
Dhruv, you can forget Chhavi but not me.
Rejecting your love she will face my wrath.
What wrath?
Have you lost your mind? What can you do, anyway?
- What can I do? - Yes.
I will go to Kota.
I will go to Kota and hold her hand in public
and cry so much that... she will patch up with him.
Let's go to Kota then.
I will take you.
Let's go.
- Okay, let's go. - Let's go.
Come on. Let's go.
Wait a minute.
How can the four of us go to Kota?
How do we bring Chhavi back even if she agrees?
Haven't you ever watched the 26th January parade?
Dhruv. Listen to me.
So what if we can't make it to Chhavi?
Forget about her, okay?
I was saying...
That new partner of yours in sex education, right?
- Chhaya. - Yes Chhaya.
Let's think of a way to hook you up with her.
Lucky Bhaiya, she won't make friends with boys from our school.
And on top of that she thinks he is just average, ordinary.
So what, loser? I am ordinary.
- Yes, stay that way. - Yes, so I am!
So stay that way. And call yourself ordinary too.
I will do it. I'm proud to be an ordinary boy.
Wait.
Watch this.
These Instagram folks are losers.
Why are you telling me Chhavi put up a story?
Isn't there anything apart from her in my life?
I am going to delete Insta today.
Dhruv, what are you doing? Don't do it.
Where will the poor influencers go to then?
- What? - Chhaya Mittal is following me on Insta.
You mean, she followed you back?
She followed me.
What?
Which means, you're the first boy in the
entire school she wants to get to know.
Bro!
- Should I DM? - Yes, of course.
Forget about the DM.
I'm telling you let's go to her place.
Stand below her balcony and scream hard.
She sent a message.
What?
Hey, ordinary boy.
Nice name.
That is great.
Check the username.
- F**k - Bro
An ordinary boy and girl can be friends, right?
We finally got sister-in-law.
Bravo.
- It's finaly done. - Superb.
Shastri.
It's been five days.
You can't solve one problem!
- Sorry, Mukesh sir. - Give it.
- No, Mukesh sir. - Give it to me.
Please, sorry, sir.
Drama! Drama!
Sir!
Put it out! Hold it out.
You hit me! Hold it out.