[♪ Tchaikovsky playing The Nutcracker, “Trepak”]
-[clacking] -[steam hissing]
[music ends]
-[horn honks] -[vehicle approaches]
[Jack] Finally.
You’re late.
[Geneviève] Forgive me.
There was a bit of traffic coming over the ocean.
[Jack] They wanted us here at 6:30.
I’m aware.
Oh, my God, this suitcase is hideous.
Why do you still have this thing?
I’m waiting for you to buy me a new one.
Well, it worked because I’m getting you a new one pronto.
Good God, woman, spend money on things.
Why spend my money when you’ll spend yours?
[scoffs] How do you show your face at baggage claim?
Proudly. It deters thieves.
That should tell you something.
Listen to the thieves.
Give me my bag.
Happily. This is not my bag.
So, what are we saying up there?
I don’t know, how about “Give us all your money, please, oh, God, please”?
Good evening, everybody,
I’m Jack McMillan, Executive Director of Metropolitan Ballet Theater.
-[audience member] Whoo! -Thank you.
My father didn’t love me, so that helps a lot.
-[laughter] -And I’m Geneviève Lavigne,
General Director of Le Ballet National and L’Opéra Français.
Oh, no whoops for me?
[scattered whooping]
No, no, do not grovel.
I’m French, I respect silence in the cinema.
[laughter]
Now, we won’t take up too much of your time.
We know you’re all here to see these incredible Frederick Wiseman films,
but we just wanted to thank you for coming to tonight’s benefit
and for your generous support of our 2 theaters and our special swapped season.
[Geneviève] These films dive deep into the daily life
of ballet companies in New York and Paris.
We love them, uh, they’re masterpieces, and they’re rarely seen on a big screen.
We hope this inspires you to check out the best of Paris here on New York soil.
They’ll be guesting all season, so come uptown, why don’t you?
Um, better yet, come to Paris.
She’s right, that might be easier. Fewer transfers.
-[laughter] -Okay,
we’re getting out of here.
Enjoy the film, and thanks for supporting ballet
and...Ballet.
[cheering]
[choreographer] And pas de 1, 2.
Pas de 1, 2, 3.
Pas de 1, 2.
Pas de yah-ah-ah.
I love this film.
Me, too.
I could watch it a hundred times.
I have watched it a hundred times.
But you know what I’m noticing for the first time?
-What? -[audience member] Shh!
[woman] The theater, the advertising...
[whispering] That a choreographer who’s supposed to be in Paris
doesn’t suddenly show up and create a brand-new piece in New York.
It wasn’t a brand-new piece.
They were micro-edits, tweaks at most.
[piano playing in movie]
What is this, then?
Christ, you had it cued?
Phone.
[man] Again.
I told you, I had nothing to do with Tobias showing up in New York.
He did that all by himself.
You’re telling me that man got on the right plane
and flew across the world in the right direction all on his own?
Miracles happen every day.
-Oh, fine, but you owe me. -[shushing]
[audience member] Can you two shut the fuck up?
We were hardly the worst behaved in that theater.
There was a woman chewing ice a few rows back.
Another guy was snoring.
Yeah, and then there was that woman who kept going “Hmm” every 5 minutes.
-[Geneviève chuckles] -“Hmm. Hmm.”
That’s disruptive.
You Americans don’t have the same respect for cinema that we have.
Hey, it was a French woman who washed down her Bundt cake with 2 chardonnays.
And they were not bad.
First time I’ve been kicked out of my own event, though.
-[car door opens] -Still a fun night.
[Jack] The Peninsula.
You want a ride?
No, I’ll walk.
I’m like 10 minutes from here.
Wait, really?
I was not expecting this.
I know, that’s what makes it fun.
To be clear, you want to have sex with me?
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Can we leave this here?
Get in the car.
Oui, mademoiselle.
[Geneviève] Change of plans. Corner of Greenwich and Franklin, please.
[Jack] And this is not my bag.
-[♪ Sons of Raphael playing “Nights Are For Love”] -♪ When the setting sun departs ♪
♪ the night begins in lovers’ hearts ♪
♪ Waiting for the moon to rise ♪
♪ towards the stars ♪
♪ they lift their eyes ♪
♪ Nights are ♪
♪ for love ♪
♪ as stars are for the heavens above ♪
♪ In every moon, there is a light ♪
♪ for those who love ♪
♪ Nights are ♪
♪ for love ♪
♪ as stars are for the heavens above ♪
♪ In every moon, there is a light ♪
♪ for those who love ♪♪
Does he have a wife?
I heard there was a wife.
No.
Oh, yes.
If he did, he had her Shelly Miscavige’d, never to be heard from again.
I always thought he was gay.
No, I think he’s, uh, fluid.
Oh, God, please don’t say the word “fluid” about Crispin Shamblee.
[chuckles]
You know...
ever since the gala he’s been weirdly quiet.
So?
Haven’t seen him, heard from him.
That can’t be good.
Enjoy it.
Yeah.
When Cheyenne dropped his name on stage, I swear it was like Christmas morning.
[gasps] That speech.
At least she said “good night” at the end.
[laughs] She did.
-[sets glass down] -He was so mad.
So, what are you going to do?
I handled it with my usual aplomb.
I made Cheyenne write him a very sincere, very heartfelt letter of apology.
-You did? -No.
I wrote it, but I made her sign it.
-You did? -No.
I forged her signature.
Oh, I know it well. Big loops.
And not on the letters you’d think.
What’s he gonna do?
When’s the hammer gonna fall?
I don’t know.
This affects you, too. If I’m in trouble, you’re in trouble.
I can’t worry about your hammer, I’ve got my own hammer.
I could have sworn Cléa was going to fire me.
I even had Raphael pack my entire office in a box.
And it fit. Isn’t that sad?
A little.
But the call never came.
It’s been a week and no word.
You would’ve been fired by now.
Unpack that box.
Are you staying the night?
Do you not want me to?
I didn’t say that.
I just can’t believe I’m beating out the Peninsula.
[chuckles] You’ve got better shampoo.
Are you planning to sleepwalk again?
That happened once.
-I’ll hide the knives. -If I’m going to kill you,
I’m not going to sleep through it.
-[water running] -[crowd cheering on TV]
-[announcer] WonderFile, the ingenious... -[Jack] Are you sure
you can’t come to my party?
-What? -Turn it down.
-[mutes TV] -What?
Oh, do you have one of those for me?
I always do.
Can’t you stay and come to my party?
I told you, I can’t.
There’s gonna be food, famous people, my family who are all suing me.
Who over the age of 16 has a birthday party?
They don’t need you in Chicago.
I’m the keynote speaker.
Keynote-speak and come back when you’re done.
You look very cute in your boxer shorts.
Thank you, but stop trying to distract me.
Come on, this is a big one - 45.
I survived it, so will you.
-I wouldn’t be so sure about that. -[water running]
All the men in my family have died at 45.
If you’re cursed, I’m not sure I can help.
My father, his father, all my uncles - I’m not joking - all dropped dead at 45.
I might not have much time left.
You’re not actually worried about this.
I’m telling you, if you come, I might stand a chance at making it to 46.
You can stop me before I walk under any dangling pianos or fall down a manhole.
[sighs] Sorry.
I’ve got to get back to Paris and face the music.
[man on TV] I’m gonna commit 100% to that...
[Jack] Oh, God, not again.
[Geneviève] We don’t have this in France.
I need my Below Deck.
[French accent] Your “Bee-low” Deck.
[woman] Ben is...
[regular voice] That guy was the chef on the Mediterranean one.
Shh.
I’m just saying, he crosses over from -
Shh!
...and being just, like, such a dick, and 2 minutes later he’ll turn around
and be like, “All right, love, blah, blah, blah.”
[muffled music playing]
[squeaking]
[loud banging]
[speaking French] Good morning, Madame Toussaint.
[grunts]
[faucet squeaking]
[clicks tongue]
[soft, slow gurgling]
-[clank, steam hissing] -Oh.
Huh.
[water running]
[indistinct chatter on radio]
[hammering on tuba]
[distant siren wailing]
[slicing bread]
Excuse me, Madame? I was wondering...
Might it be possible for me to get a key?
...To the apartment?
Why?
Well, I need to get in when you’re not here.
Cheyenne never had a key.
Ah.
Cheyenne never needed a key.
Oh.
There is one key. Outside in the plant.
I thought that was just the emergency key.
In case one of us forgets our key?
It is the key.
[Tobias] And it just sat there.
Staring at me, like a challenge.
I-I’ve never felt so threatened in my life, even though he never moved.
I mean, I’ve seen many rats in New York, but they’re different.
They scurry away because they’re New Yorkers, they’ve got places to be.
But this rat had nowhere to be, except my apartment.
I really should buy a book on Parisian rats
if I can find one that doesn’t have pictures.
[sighs] I’m sorry. You were saying?
[David Byrne] Uh, just that I...
I loved “Piece 1.”
And I-I was kind of thinking maybe we could collaborate or something.
Right. Right, I know you did that thing on Broadway.
I didn’t see it, but I get it.
Broadway is dying, and you want to branch out.
Well, that’s not it, exactly.
Have you done anything else?
Well, yeah, I have.
There was the big one.
Talking Heads.
Right. Right.
And...yeah, I have worked with some choreographers.
I did a piece with Twyla and couple of things with Robert Wilson.
I can send you those if you’d like.
Are you googling “Talking Heads?”
No.
[♪ Talking Heads plays “Once in a Lifetime”]
-Is she in? -She is not. He is.
Damn it.
She has no problem with staples.
She, like most people,
would prefer that a stack of super-important papers
be fastened together securely by a staple.
He does not.
He, unlike most people, would like them paperclipped.
Which, if you ask me, is flirting with disaster.
Okay.
Good luck with that.
Where’s Geneviève?
Lucien, why did you let him in?
-I did not! -I need to talk to her.
She’s not here. What do you need?
Do you know when she’ll be back?
Young man,
anything you were going to say to Geneviève you can say to me.
When Geneviève is gone, I am Geneviève. Okay?
Look at me and see her.
It’s hard - she’s more charming and wears less makeup.
What do you want?
I was told to check in.
I’m back from my week of banishment.
-And you seem very repentant. -What’s there to repent for?
Matthieu’s a dick and he started it. Is he repentant for being a dick?
You’re lucky I wasn’t Geneviève when Geneviève punished you,
because I would’ve crammed you in a box
like in “Bridge on the River Kwai.”
I’m not familiar with that -
is that a silent film from your childhood?
Keep punching people and we’ll keep suspending you,
longer and longer each time,
until finally the only dancing you’ll be doing is around the question,
“Why aren’t I a dancer anymore?”
-Is that all? May I go? -Yes.
I want you to! Go! Go!
It should be higher, by the way.
What?
The chair. It should be higher. You’re too low at the desk.
-Like this? -[inhales sharply]
Now you’re too high.
Nope. Can I see you up high again?
Get out of here, get out of my sight!
Oh. [clicks tongue]
[Nicholas] Thank you so much
for taking the time to sit with us.
We know your time is precious.
-What, Jack? What? -It’s just,
I’d love to put a towel down to protect the chair.
You’re very sweaty.
Or maybe you could sit in a different chair?
With less porous material?
A cheaper chair?
-No? Okay. -[Nicholas] My dear,
no one understands the importance of tradition more than you.
Now, some traditions I could do without.
Thank you notes? Go fuck yourself.
We’re coming up on a big one here.
This is a very special time of year for us.
[Marie] Totally.
It’s super busy, all hands on deck.
Everybody pitches in and helps out,
and, I don’t know about you guys, but it really does feel to me
-like we’re one big family. -[chuckles]
I’m not walking your dog.
I’m sorry?
You asked me to walk your dog the other day.
-I won’t do it. -Oh. [scoffs]
No, Cheyenne, I was walking my dog, and I asked if you wanted to walk with us.
I’m not an assistant, and your dog is not clean.
I was definitely not asking you to walk my dog.
I was walking my dog, and I asked if you wanted to join us.
Like you’re walking me and your dog?
That’s worse.
-Let’s get past the dog here. -I’ll level with you, ma très chère.
We’re not in the Netherlands.
If we were, we’d be having pannenkoeken
and dancing naked, and we’d be tall.
Very, very tall. But sadly, we’re in the continental U.S.
And even - [coughs]
E-Even in the city
that never sleeps...
[coughs] with the same person twice... [wheezing, laughing]
there are certain realities when running a ballet company. [coughing]
We’ve printed out the annual budget report for you, and the numbers are super clear.
We sacrifice a little originality during the holidays
-to pay for a bigger vision later. -[Nicholas coughing, wheezing]
His body, it’s fighting him.
Look, Cheyenne, we are here for the arts.
But for the arts, we need money, and for money we need...The Nutcracker.
The Nutcracker.
The Nutcracker. Every year.
It’s... [coughing]
It’s a...You see?
-[coughing continues] -I’ve got this.
And for this year’s Nutcracker, we need you.
We need you to dance “The Sugar Plum Fairy.”
We need it sold out, scalped,
-the hottest ticket in town. -[wheezing]
We’ll make it as painless as possible.
You can pick your schedule, you can pick your prince.
We’ll plant a tree every time you piqué.
Sound good? This is not a request. It’s a vital need.
Well, that went better than I thought... [coughing]
It-It’s just... [coughing]
Oh, I can’t take melatonin. It gives me nightmares.
Well, yeah, but at least a nightmare means you’re asleep.
I just take a trazodone every night, and I’m out like a light.
Every night? Is that bad?
I don’t give a shit. I’m too busy sleeping.
I don’t know what all this is.
I do a Benadryl and a glass of white wine. Night-night.
[laughter]
-Julie! -Hey.
-[overlapping chatter] -Julie. How are you doing?
-I’m so sorry. -Are you okay?
I’m okay, just on my way to see Franz.
-How bad’s the sprain? -Ligament’s torn.
-No. -Yikes.
I’m gonna be out of Nutcracker. The whole run.
-Oh, my God, I’m so jealous. -[laughing]
You don’t have to do “Sugar Plum.”
I just got the music out of my head from last season.
That stupid variation with the little bells?
And the pas with the penchés and the chair lifts and the wigs?
Let’s all go dance around in some Louboutins.
-[laughter] -Traitors!
Ungrateful, spoiled children.
-[speaks French] -What?
I said, “How dare you?”
You stand in here and shit on The Nutcracker?
You are lucky to be able to dance the magical Nutcracker every year.
We hardly ever do it in Paris.
Do you know what I was dancing last Christmas?
The Cage. I was a bug, attacking and killing a male intruder.
No snow, no sparkles, only a dance to the death.
-Cheyenne, we’re sorry. -I am ashamed of you.
You spit on the role.
You piss on Anna Pavlova, Suzanne Farrell, Cynthia Gregory.
They are rolling in their graves.
I don’t think they’re all dead.
You don’t want to dance “Sugar Plum?”
Fine. I will dance her every night.
There are 57 shows.
And I will dance every single one of them.
You cannot do all 57 performances of The Nutcracker.
My name is already up on all of the cast lists.
Because you wrote it there and crossed out everybody else’s name.
Do you know what your ballerinas are saying
about The Nutcracker at their lockers?
[sighs] I have a pretty good idea of it, yes.
There are Judases in your ranks, Jack.
They must not take the stage.
Every conversation with you is confounding.
First, we worried we’d have to force you to do The Nutcracker,
and then you didn’t even say anything, you just walked out of the room.
That was me saying “yes.” Not mysterious.
A little mysterious!
It’s not my fault you don’t know what silence is saying.
Whatever. It is done.
I will do every show.
You’ll die if you do all 57 shows.
Ballet will die if I don’t do all 57 shows.
-I heard it’s your birthday today, Jack. -Happy birthday!
Yup. Thanks!
They do not care if your birthday is happy.
-Thank you. -Truth is power.
Excellent T-shirt.
I, however, do hope you have a happy birthday.
If that’s true, then you will promise to actually show up at my party.
There are some bigwigs coming that would really like to meet you.
-You want to parade me around? -[exhales] I do.
So, this will be like I am in a zoo?
Like I am a dolphin in a zoo, jumping, doing tricks?
Or a person at a party eating free expensive food.
Do you have to go to Jack’s party, too?
Hey, don’t. Not everyone is invited.
Just me? I’m to be the only Flipper there?
Like a... [imitates dolphin clicks]
What are you doing?
I’m the dolphin in your birthday zoo. [continues clicking]
Dolphins are not in zoos. They’re in aquariums.
Oh, so you’ve gone to see them? You’ve given money to their captors?
I’ve never set foot in an aquarium.
Oh, that is so sad, to have never been to an aquarium.
I’m walking away now. Bye, Cheyenne.
But not as sad as being the dolphin who is trapped in one!
-8:00! -57 shows!
[chatter in French]
Oh, how nice of her to come to class...
A real woman of the people.
Don’t let them get to you.
You’re a soloist now.
Hey. Head high.
Thanks.
[chatter continues]
Ah.
There he is -
Napoleon back from Elba. The enfant terrible!
Welcome back, Gabin.
We have missed you!
But more importantly, I have forgiven you.
Good man.
Let’s start at the barre with 2nd position.
Music please.
[piano plays classical music]
Strong core. Engage the core.
Press off the floor.
[Gabin exhales]
Excellent. 1, 2, 3.
♪ ♪
Gabin. Stay in formation.
Gabin! You’re ahead. Slow it down.
[dancers gasping]
Okay, okay, okay. Merci.
Thank you everybody.
[dancers murmuring]
[speaking French] You’re sickling on your jeté.
[grunts]
No, you are sickling on your jeté!
-[indistinct chatter] -[phone chimes]
MOM CALL ME!!!
[scoffs]
[Helene speaking French] Look at this.
What does that mean?
I don’t know - ask her.
[Helene speaking French] Mishi - See Alain about new solo.
What new solo?
-I have no idea. -Really?
Really. I’m just now seeing this, too.
Well! Hope you have a good discussion, then.
Maybe he’ll ask if anyone else in her family wants a role.
With enough cousins, they could replace the whole corps.
[speaking quietly]
What are you doing?
You’re back. You look shorter. Did you shrink?
What were you talking to him about?
I was asking for directions to the commissary.
Oh, really? That’s all you were asking my sworn enemy -
how to get to the commissary?
How do you still not know how to get to the commissary?
There are so many hallways here. And they all have the same giant chandeliers.
Wait, did you just say “sworn enemy?”
Yes. That bastard got me suspended.
Really? Who is he?
What do you mean, who is he? That’s Matthieu Rivière.
-He’s a dancer? -Yes, he’s a dancer.
The things you know and don’t know make no sense!
Is he any good?
Of course he’s good! He’s an Étoile! He’s fucking incredible.
[Matthieu] Oh, thank you, Gabin!
No, no! I was being sarcastic!
You could hear it in my voice! I knew you were there!
Tobias? Tobias!
-From the top? -You fell asleep.
While talking to me. Dead asleep.
Well, that’s on you. Be better at conversation.
And now you’re walking away from me. What is wrong with you?
I’m tired.
I just took class. I’m tired.
Well, it’s not a competition.
Everything’s a competition.
[Tobias sighs]
Every time I wake up,
I have to prove myself to some asshole, and -
[snoring softly]
Hey! You’re asleep again.
Gabin, there’s a rat in my apartment, okay?
This is Paris, the rats are everywhere. There’s 3 watching us right now.
You don’t get it, David Byrne doesn’t get it...
-David Byrne...? -I can’t sleep while he’s there.
If I turn out the lights, he’ll come back out.
So, I leave the lights on, but I can’t sleep with the lights on.
I know he’s still there somewhere.
And I hear him rustling and scratching.
Watching. Waiting.
Is this the rat or David Byrne?
I’m not gonna talk to you if you’re not gonna take me seriously.
Go away. I need to rest.
[sighs]
[radio playing quietly]
[speaking French] Madame. The key was not in the plant.
Where are you going?
Inside.
No. It’s Monday.
-What? -It’s Monday. My Monday night man is over.
I don’t understand.
Which part?
You have a Monday night man over.
So you’ve worked it out.
But how long will I have to stay out here?
Until it is done.
-[toilet flushing] -[birds chirping]
[Simi barking]
[speaking French] Don’t worry. The dog saw nothing.
[piano playing classical music]
And we’re pointing our feet,
our smiles are big.
[chuckles] We just got the nutcracker from Uncle Drosselmeyer,
and we love it.
It’s the most beautiful thing we’ve ever seen.
Brittany, your fingers, ugh...
[music ends]
All right, let’s do that again. Back in your lines, from the top.
[music resumes]
[speaking French] Excuse me, Lucien?
He’s changed his mind.
He no longer wants paper clips. He wants to go back to staples.
Do you know what I want to go back to?
Geneviève.
Go to the Windy City and bring her back.
Tell her we have wind here, too.
Please?
I...
[speaking French] Oh, hello.
Is Geneviève around?
I am so tired of repeating myself.
I’m sorry.
I have to explain again, to yet another person who has no idea what is going on,
just how things function when Geneviève is “out of office.”
-I can come back? -No,
you can’t come back.
She is not just “out of office.” She is “out of France.”
-For how long? -It doesn’t matter.
-It doesn’t? -No,
because there is no need to wait for her to come back for your problem to be solved.
Because I am Geneviève.
You don’t see Raphaël right now. You are seeing Geneviève.
There is no difference, understand?
-I do. -Now,
how can I, aka Geneviève, help you?
-It’s about Cheyenne’s mother. -Bruna?
I am not Geneviève! Call her directly. Here. Use her phone.
This is her cell. On this Post-it.
Leave a voicemail. She’ll call right back. Bye-bye!
[dial tone]
[speaking French] So...
you snitched on me?
The big scary lady was mean to you, so you had to call your Mommy?
-I’m sorry, Madame, I just didn’t - -What are you,
5 years old? Huh?
Speak, girl!
I didn’t know what else to do!
I had to sleep in a hallway on a hard floor,
your neighbors are very mean,
none of the bathroom knobs work right...
So what?
I feed you, I make coffee, and I didn’t sell your dog,
even though I got 4 different offers.
You’re welcome.
What?
Who offered to buy my dog?
You’re an ingrate. A spoiled little ingrate.
An ingrate?
Madame, I don’t know why you’re so mad. All I wanted was a key.
What is it with you and keys?
Most people have keys!
There was a time when no one had keys at all.
When people lived in caves.
And it was better back then.
Less complaining. And people died younger. Good for the planet.
I don’t know how to relate to you, Madame.
Why do you need to relate to me?
Because we’re living in the same space!
[woman speaking French] Hey, Bruna! You have a minute?
No!
My dog is not for sale!
Girl! Up!
What?
You wanted to relate to me. Up! Up!
[♪ Pink Martini plays “Ou Est Ma Tete?”]
[singing in French]
[bicycle bell dings]
[speaking French] This is the girl.
[singing continues in French]
[speaking French] This is the girl.
[singing continues in French]
Bonbon!
What!
This is the girl!
Oh!
Thank you.
This is the girl.
Why does he have a donkey?
You need to know everybody’s business?
[quiet chatter]
I can’t take Zolpidem.
Why not?
I could barely open my eyes the next day.
Yes, but you slept.
Have you tried Donormyl?
Donormyl makes my legs twitch.
Maybe I have someone hold a pillow over your head. Push hard.
Long sleep.
I have to take a leak.
Can you hold this for me?
Yes, sir.
Ah! They clean the river for the Olympics,
there’s less fish.
The fish like dirty water.
Bruna.
This is the boy!
Oh.
Is that a fish?
-Am I catching a fish? -Hope so.
Hey, hey. My pole, my fish!
[muttering]
[♪ Tchaikovsky plays The Nutcracker, “Pas de Deux”]
[Ronald] That’s better.
Much better.
Nice.
Yes.
To the side.
Ribs in.
Now stay, stay, stay, stay, stay.
-I think you can fit 3 in. -[piano stops]
Let’s try it again with 3.
The beat is for 2.
Oh, boy.
Let’s just try 3.
I don’t need to show off.
The beat is for 2, boom, boom.
Uh, maybe let’s keep it to 2?
Just try it for me?
[Cheyenne] Ronald,
I want to tell you a little story about me.
Buckle up, pal.
[Cheyenne] When I was going up for the Concours de Promotion,
my big day, I was sick, very, very sick.
43-degree fever.
Celsius to Fahrenheit, that’s like 110 degrees.
You did not have a 110-degree fever, that’s impossible.
-It was actually a 111-degree fever. -You’d be dead.
Don’t interrupt.
I was shaking, sweating, wheezing.
I danced far below my standards.
Better than the others, of course, but still below my standards.
I left and I was furious.
So I came back in and insisted that they let me dance again.
They said to me, “You don’t have to do it again.
You are great, and we are already going to make you première danseuse,”
and I said, “What you do does not matter.
What I do does.
I did not dance up to my standards.
I insist that you let me dance this again.”
They said, “Cheyenne, it is not necessary.”
I said, “Was the Sistine Chapel necessary?”
They said, “Cheyenne, we really think you should go to the hospital.”
“I will not go to the hospital.”
“Cheyenne, please leave.”
“I will not leave,
not until you let me dance this one more time,
up to my standards.”
They relented, and I danced it again.
I danced it the way I knew I could dance it.
I was made première danseuse the right way,
and I was only unconscious for 2, 3 days, tops.
I don’t - Wh-What?
Just say “Okay,” man. She’s got a million of these stories.
I’m sorry, I’m still learning how to communicate with Americans.
You are wrong.
Okay, from the top.
[♪ Tchaikovsky plays The Nutcracker, “Pas de Deux”]
[playing classical music]
♪ ♪
[♪ Alaska Reid plays “She Wonders”]
♪ And driving the point of his gas station knife into the walls ♪♪
-Oh. -[gasps] What? What?
Oh, my God, enough of this.
-What are you gonna do to it? -Unlock the door.
[sighs]
Oh, you might want to cover your ears.
How long do you think this will ta -
-Is it in there? -Go in, get some sleep.
What?
It’s just...
No one’s ever done something like this for me before.
Well, I’m sure I’ll be doing it again.
See you tomorrow.
Gabin?
-Yes? -It’s definitely dead, right?
-Yes, Tobias. -Okay, great. See you tomorrow.
[piano playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[Julian] All right, phones? Phones, please. Have them out.
Phones? Phones, please. Thank you, enjoy the party.
Phones? Thank you.
I mean, I never took it seriously.
I heard the stories as a kid.
Every man, one right after the other, dead at 45.
Heart failure, liver failure, failures out the wazoo.
But also, a lot of choking deaths,
and, really, a staggering amount of murders.
Gloria, hello, good to see you.
We are not well-liked.
All when they were 45. Men I’d never even heard of.
Where were all these men coming from?
I feel like my mother made half of them up.
And I was too young, it didn’t scare me.
45 was a lifetime away.
I thought, “Well, yeah, by then, I’ll be ready to go,
because I’ll be 45, and eating Jell-O will hurt.” [chuckles]
And now I’m here.
I’m 45, and I’m taking tiny bites, I’m chewing real slow.
I want to try and save my life.
Obviously, I’m not old, but I’m not young.
I’m only young to an old person, you know?
I’m sorry I looked at you when I said that, Stanley,
but admit it, you are older.
You’re one of the lucky ones, man.
At 90, you’ve lived the equivalent of 2 McMillan men.
Now think about that.
[Nicholas] My ankles were broken, I’d say,
for most of the early to mid-’80s, which was news to me.
I woke up in rehab screaming.
-This is a lot to hear. -But that was nothing
compared to when I was a guest artist at Stuttgart in ’94.
Let me tell you, those Germans knew how to party.
They gave me so many petrochemicals,
I was technically a car for most of that season.
Yeah, another Rob Roy, my good man.
Are you supposed to be drinking on your medication, Nicholas?
This is why you’re single, Marie.
But the women in my family live forever, uh, some into their hundreds, even.
Except for a couple who were murdered by their husbands.
But again, those husbands did that before they turned 45.
Will you excuse me a moment?
Okay, in the 15 minutes
I’m guessing that I have you here before you bust out of a window
and parkour your way into the night, here’s what I need you to do.
Do you remember the 1-to-5 glad-hand scale
I told you the last time you were here?
I have a feeling even if I did, you’d remind me.
I’ll remind you. If someone’s a 5, they get a pleasant greeting
and a couple questions, to show you’re interested.
If they’re a 4, they get a pleasant greeting and one question.
3 and 2, just a greeting, the pleasant is optional.
And 1, a nod in passing on your way to a 4. Got it?
-14 minutes. -Great.
5, 4, 5, 3,
1, 1, 2, 4.
Ignore the rest.
Hmm.
Hello, my name is Cheyenne Toussaint.
Do you work in finance or politics, or do you have any children?
I would love to hear about any or all of those things.
Hey there, kiddo. Bellying up to the bar?
-Yes, sir. -Who do you belong to?
-Ruthie. -Ruthie, huh?
-[bartender] There you go. -[inhales sharply] Love Ruthie.
Love your mom.
[low] Get rid of the kid, get rid of the kid,
-get rid of the kid. -Got it.
Mother. Uncle John.
-I didn’t think you’d come. -Oh, Johnny, I hope you don’t mind,
I made that young man who took our phones cry.
I didn’t know how else to respond to that request.
Happy birthday, Johnny.
-Welcome to the cursed year. -Thank you.
I don’t know how to feel about it.
Scared. You should feel scared.
Don’t let your guard down.
It really is eerie.
I don’t like to discuss it, usually.
I appreciate that.
[Clara] Reginald was particularly gruesome.
He was serving in Burma.
Patrick - pieces everywhere.
William almost made it, he was a week away from his 46th
when that scaffolding collapsed on him.
But, Uncle John, you made it. You’re 72.
Technically, I didn’t.
I had that boogie-boarding accident off Amagansett when I was 45.
I was clinically dead for 2 minutes
before the lifeguard revived me.
So I’m something of a fluke.
Just hang on, Johnny,
for 365 days.
Maybe you’ll break the curse.
I’ll try.
Hello. My name is Cheyenne.
[vocalizing]
[laughs]
You guys are always on your phones.
We used to talk to people.
Face-to-face, we’d share a smile, a laugh, a kiss or 2.
You spend your lives just pounding on these devices,
looking for answers.
What you should be pounding is each other.
[others exclaim]
I read in the Times that young people aren’t even having sex anymore.
So, will the world just cease to exist?
My God, in my day, we fucked everybody.
And it didn’t matter how many followers you had
or what you looked like.
Ugly? Beautiful? Who cares? It didn’t matter!
We didn’t sweat the small stuff.
I’m sad for you.
Oh, I’m-I’m sad for you all.
So, so sad.
[mumbling, crying]
-What do we do? -He’ll get tired eventually.
Sorry. Thanks.
Life of the party, I see.
-Why are you here? -I’m Cheyenne’s plus-one.
Cheyenne wasn’t given a plus-one. So you’re a party crasher.
Cool, I’m a party crasher. Can I talk to you real quick?
You can talk to me during office hours. In my office.
You’re familiar with my office, no?
-It’s about Cheyenne. -What?
She’s doing all 57 performances of The Nutcracker.
-I’m aware. -Which means I’m doing
all 57 performances of The Nutcracker.
-That’s right. -57 performances.
-Talk to her. -You can’t talk to her.
She loves the fucking Nutcracker.
The whole first act of people just walking around? Loves it.
“How else would you set up such a complex, magical story?”
Are you doing Cheyenne?
She cried about the cardboard tree. Have you ever seen her cry?
It’s scary. You got to get me out of it.
-Oh, so you need something from me. -I figured you’d love this.
Oh, I do. And of course I can help you get out of it,
I run the whole damn company, but I won’t help you get out of it
because this isn’t about the company.
This is about you and Cheyenne.
You’re a big boy, Gael.
I’d say you know very well how to get yourself out of something.
Look, no matter what you think I did,
nobody deserves 57 performances of The Nutcracker.
Hey, you made your bed - oh, excuse me - my couch.
Now lie in it.
Actually, don’t.
[humming melody from The Nutcracker]
[vocalizing]
[indistinct chatter]
♪ ♪
Okay. I jumped, I flipped, I caught a ball on my nose.
-Your dolphin is leaving. -Thank you, Cheyenne.
-This is a terrible party. -Thank you, again.
-Who are all these people? -What do you mean? They’re my friends.
-Show me. Who here is your friend? -Literally everybody here.
That man,
the President of the Hotel & Gaming Counsel,
with the dyed hair, he is your friend?
Sure. Great guy. He’s vegan, you wouldn’t think it.
And the hostess from the Polo Bar is your friend?
A dear one, every third Friday.
And the priest over there?
[Jack] He’s more of a family friend.
That man thought your name was Jason.
That woman and her husband, they didn’t even know
that this was a birthday party and that you turned 45 years old.
You didn’t have to tell them that.
I give up.
What do I care if you don’t have friends at your advanced age?
It’s your life. Happy birthday.
-I put cheese in my pockets. -Take some crackers. And him.
[Cheyenne] I will. He needs his rest.
He has 57 shows ahead of him.
[piano playing classical music]
[indistinct chatter]
[plays dramatic chord]
[singing Russian dirge]
Make that stop.
[continues singing in Russian]
You’re here.
Well, I figured I’d better come say the Kaddish in case you’d died.
-I’m Catholic. -Is that why the priest is here?
-Last rites? -He’s a family friend.
What happened to Chicago?
I keynote spoke really fast and got back on a plane.
And I’m on the last flight out to Paris, so I can’t stay for long.
This is a strange party.
[Jack] Thanks for coming.
It’s fine, I’ll sleep next year.
What can I get you, a drink? Something to eat?
They’re passing out stuff, mushroom caps and...
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
-Crispin, what the hell? -Somewhere private. Now.
[others murmuring]
[food sizzling]
Give us the room.
Jesus, man. What the hell happened to you?
I was taken.
-Taken? -I don’t understand.
I was taken. Kidnapped. What else does “taken” mean?
-Bloody hell. -Holy shit.
Don’t look so alarmed.
Forgive me, I’m famished.
But I’ve been taken many times.
Usually it’s by a rival wanting to spook me
or some trigger-happy faction making a cash grab.
And that’s all well and good. I understand the transaction.
And by now it’s old hat.
They put a bag over my head,
I call my ransom insurance company - the real criminals -
and I’m home in time for Seth Meyers and a light supper.
But this time was, if I may be frank, a shit show.
These people were amateurs,
clearly a new operation.
The food was inedible, the clothes ill-fitting,
the threats unconvincing.
You see that? That’s Snoopy.
These were not serious men.
Oh, my God, Crispin, why are you here? Shouldn’t you be at a hospital?
Oh, I’m fine. Plus, I RSVP’d “yes” to Jack’s party.
I take that very seriously.
I know it said cocktail attire, but you work with what you have.
Oh! [chuckles]
Happy birthday, Jack.
I whittled you this in my cell, with a piece of metal
I was able to pry off my bathroom bucket.
It’s a tiny man. You’ll forgive the crudeness.
The room had no light or window.
Only a tiny television
and a DVD box set of Charmed season 3.
You really do need seasons 1 and 2.
It took me forever to realize they were witches.
Is Cheyenne here?
-No, she left. -That’s all right.
I’ll find her. We have a lot to discuss.
Well, I’m off.
Oh. Uh, what time is it?
-9:15. -Excellent. They’re all dead now.
-[guest 1] Jack! -[guest 2] Jack!
-[guest 1] Hey, Jack! -[guest 3] Get out here!
[guest 2] Where’s the birthday boy?
-[guest 1] Jack! -[guest 2] Come on, Jack.
-[guest 1] Jack! -[guest 3] There he is!
[Marie] There you are.
-What’s all this? -We have a little surprise for you.
A special cameo. Hit it.
Hitting!
-Oh, Johnny, it’s the boys! -Yeah, there they are.
[Geneviève] Where are they?
Their mother’s has them at Lyceum Alpinum Zuoz. Great school.
Hey, Dad. Happy birthday.
Yeah, happy birthday, Dad.
[chuckling]
-[Lukas] You go. -[Jack Jr.] This was your idea...
So...
we hope you’re not working too late tonight
and that you’re, um...
We hope you’re enjoying your birthday and getting lots of presents.
The snow here is sick. We’ve been skiing, like, every day.
[smacks lips] But also going to class every day.
-[laughs] -[Jack Jr.] Okay, so...
-I think that’s, uh... -I think that’s it from us. Yeah.
-Happy birthday, Dad. -Bye, Dad. See you.
Well, maybe I should put them into film school.
[guests laugh]
It was nice to see my boys.
And my...friends.
You know, there’s an old saying
that a friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.
And I’d like to amend that slightly and say that a friend is someone
who leaves their house for you on a Wednesday night.
-[laughter] -It’s not lost on me.
Cheers to you all.
-Thanks for coming. -[applause]
Jack, we are saying good night.
-The boys looked well. -Yeah. I miss them.
They’re men now.
I remember every Christmas when you’d come back from St. George’s.
You’d grown into a whole new person in just one year.
It’s amazing how that works.
I sometimes feel bad for parents who see their kids every day.
You can’t notice how much they’ve grown if they’re around you all the time.
And yet, you remained the same my entire life.
Isn’t that funny?
Well, we really have to go.
I’m up past my bedtime and the Klonopin is kicking in.
Ah, see you at the deposition.
Can’t wait.
[piano playing lush intro]
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Jack ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪
[whooping and applause]
[cheering]
-[gentle piano music playing] -[snoring]
♪ ♪
[mouths]
[whispers] I’m sorry. Sorry.
-[distant horns honking] -[siren wailing]
[lighter flicking]
Can I bum one of those?
[chuckles] I would say, “These things kill you,”
but you may be on your way out anyways.
There’s a very old, very naked woman
standing in that window across the way.
Oh. Why, yes there is.
She’s meeting my eye.
She wants me to see.
That does seem to be her goal, yes.
[laughs softly]
Did I mention I’m really glad you came?
Did I mention I’m glad as well?
Do you ever think...
-I don’t know. -What?
Do you ever think this thing with us could be more than the thing that it is?
-I’m not following. -I mean, I...
I don’t know what the next thing up from a thing is.
Uh, Jack, I’ve been on 3 planes in 3 days.
Please be more clear.
You slept over the other night.
You flew out of your way to show up here for 2 hours.
You got me a carrot cake.
I mean, maybe we’ve been dancing around this too long.
What if we stepped things up?
Went to the next level, the thing above a thing.
Oh.
[chuckles] Oh.
Forget it. I’m drunk and might die soon.
No, it’s just, uh, you caught me a bit by surprise -
-Sure. -It’s just... [stammers]
We live so far apart and, uh...
I see you, what, 5 times a year?
And we’re usually in other relationships, uh,
-marriages - -Yep.
Totally get it, enough said.
Oh, look, New York.
So beautiful. Twinkly lights.
I just, I’m just...
I’ve got a lot on my mind.
-Uh... -I do, too.
I could be out of a job.
Completely understood. Let’s stare down now.
Oh, look, cars.
Goddamn it.
-Now it’s in my head. -I’m sorry.
Goddamn it!
[laughs]
[laughs] I hate you, I hate you.
[piano playing “Grandfather Dance”]
[song ends]
Excellent. Very nice.
Thank you, Stella.
[Deena] Susu Li?
-[clears throat] -Ready?
[piano playing “Grandfather Dance”]
[song ends]
Well done.
Thank you very much.
[Deena clears throat] Next up,
Brittany Spartacus.
How was Jack’s party last night?
Jack had a party?
[Deena] Hello, Brittany.
-[door closes] -You ready?
-Yes, ma’am. -[piano playing “Grandfather Dance”]
[door closes]
[music stops]
I want to dance again.
[Nicholas] Oh, so do I, darling.
-So do I. -[chuckles]
You danced fine, Susu. Be happy.
Fine isn’t good enough.
Susu, this is Brittany’s turn.
I will not leave until you let me dance this one more time.
Up to my standards.
[indistinct whispering]
You may go one more time, Susu.
But that’s it.
One more time.
[piano playing “Grandfather Dance”]
[song ends]
Well, you were right.
That was better. Much better.
However, Susu,
the Metropolitan Ballet Theater is a company.
We work together as an ensemble, a team.
We support each other.
We do not storm in and disrupt another dancer’s audition.
You need to remember that if you ever become part of this company.
-Do you understand? -Yes.
I’m so mad at Jack.
He’s invited me to every one of his parties.
[Deena] Okay, Brittany. Thank you for waiting.
Let’s try it again.
[piano playing “Grandfather Dance”]
Susu.
Miss Toussaint.
Very good.
The second one. Not the first.
-Thank you. -Come on.
I’ll get you an orange.
Did I ruin it for Brittany?
She never had a chance. Too tall.
They’ll make her a soldier.
[♪ Talking Heads playing “Once in a Lifetime”]
♪ ♪
♪ And you may find yourself ♪
♪ living in a shotgun shack ♪
♪ And you may find yourself ♪
♪ in another part of the world ♪
♪ And you may find yourself ♪
♪ behind the wheel of a large automobile ♪
♪ And you may find yourself in a beautiful house ♪
♪ with a beautiful wife ♪
♪ And you may ask yourself ♪
♪ “Well, how did I get here?” ♪
♪ Letting the days go by ♪
♪ Let the water hold me down ♪
♪ Letting the days go by ♪
♪ Water flowing underground ♪
♪ Into the blue again ♪
♪ After the money’s gone ♪
♪ Once in a lifetime ♪
♪ Water flowing underground ♪
♪ And you may ask yourself ♪
♪ “How do I work this?” ♪
♪ And you may ask yourself ♪
♪ “Where is that large automobile?” ♪
♪ And you may tell yourself ♪
♪ “This is not my beautiful house” ♪
♪ And you may tell yourself ♪
♪ “This is not my beautiful wife” ♪
♪ Letting the days go by ♪
♪ Let the water hold me down ♪
♪ Letting the days go by ♪
♪ Water flowing underground ♪
♪ Into the blue again ♪
♪ After the money’s gone ♪
♪ Once in a lifetime ♪
♪ Water flowing underground ♪
♪ Same as it ever was, same as it ever was ♪
♪ Same as it ever was ♪
♪ Same as it ever was, same as it ever was ♪
♪ Same as it ever was ♪
♪ Same as it ever was, same as it ever was ♪
♪ Water dissolving and water removing ♪
♪ There is water at the bottom of the ocean ♪
♪ Under the water, carry the water ♪
♪ Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean ♪
♪ Water dissolving and water removing ♪
♪ Letting the days go by ♪
♪ Let the water hold me down ♪
♪ Letting the days go by ♪
♪ Water flowing underground ♪
♪ Into the blue again ♪
♪ Into the silent water ♪
♪ Under the rocks and stones ♪
♪ There is water underground ♪
♪ Letting the days go by ♪
♪ Let the water hold me down ♪
♪ Letting the days go by ♪
♪ Water flowing underground ♪
♪ Into the blue again ♪
♪ After the money’s gone ♪
♪ Once in a lifetime ♪♪