1 00:00:01,112 --> 00:00:04,181 Oh, come on, Chelsea. Is this about money? 2 00:00:04,248 --> 00:00:05,182 'Cause I'd be happy to pay the lease 3 00:00:05,249 --> 00:00:06,383 on your apartment. 4 00:00:06,450 --> 00:00:08,018 It's not about money, you ass. 5 00:00:08,085 --> 00:00:09,386 I just think it's ridiculous 6 00:00:09,453 --> 00:00:11,188 that we're engaged and not living together. 7 00:00:11,255 --> 00:00:13,524 Well, excuse me for being old-fashioned, 8 00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:16,059 I'm just not comfortable with us living in sin. 9 00:00:16,127 --> 00:00:18,495 So you think we should stop having sex? 10 00:00:18,562 --> 00:00:21,165 No, no, no, it's not the sin I object to, 11 00:00:21,232 --> 00:00:22,599 it's the living in it. 12 00:00:22,666 --> 00:00:24,135 CHELSEA: Charlie, there is no reason 13 00:00:24,201 --> 00:00:25,436 for me to renew the lease on my apartment 14 00:00:25,502 --> 00:00:26,870 when I'm here every night. 15 00:00:26,937 --> 00:00:28,772 CHARLIE: And I love having you here every night... 16 00:00:28,839 --> 00:00:30,341 You going to eat your pickle? 17 00:00:31,308 --> 00:00:33,810 Yes, I'm going to eat my pickle. 18 00:00:33,877 --> 00:00:35,646 But you're almost done with your sandwich, 19 00:00:35,712 --> 00:00:37,114 and your pickle's just sitting there. 20 00:00:37,181 --> 00:00:40,251 I like to eat it last. 21 00:00:40,317 --> 00:00:43,787 How very European of you. 22 00:00:45,222 --> 00:00:46,390 Here's another pickle. 23 00:00:46,457 --> 00:00:47,924 Shut up. 24 00:00:47,991 --> 00:00:49,893 Oh, you are just so full of it! 25 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,629 Give me one good reason why I shouldn't be living here. 26 00:00:52,696 --> 00:00:54,030 I can give you several. 27 00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:55,166 This ought to be good. 28 00:00:55,232 --> 00:00:56,600 CHELSEA: Go ahead. 29 00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:58,034 CHARLIE: Oh, you mean right now? 30 00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,036 Dance, monkey, dance. 31 00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:01,172 Okay. 32 00:01:01,238 --> 00:01:02,539 Well, there's the safety issue. 33 00:01:03,607 --> 00:01:04,775 You should keep your apartment 34 00:01:04,841 --> 00:01:06,210 for the same reason 35 00:01:06,277 --> 00:01:08,212 that airplanes are equipped with oxygen masks, 36 00:01:08,279 --> 00:01:10,013 and cruise ships have life rafts. 37 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,549 You know, if the Titanic had enough life rafts, 38 00:01:12,616 --> 00:01:15,186 Leonardo and Kate would've lived happily ever after. 39 00:01:15,252 --> 00:01:16,753 Oops. 40 00:01:18,822 --> 00:01:20,257 CHELSEA: You're comparing our relationship 41 00:01:20,324 --> 00:01:21,292 to the Titanic?! 42 00:01:21,358 --> 00:01:23,294 Rope-a-dope, rope-a-dope. 43 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,129 CHARLIE: No, no, no, of course not. 44 00:01:26,197 --> 00:01:28,031 But P.S., that was a very romantic movie. 45 00:01:28,098 --> 00:01:29,466 Thanks for making me watch it again. 46 00:01:30,701 --> 00:01:31,635 He's still swinging. 47 00:01:31,702 --> 00:01:32,936 The kid's got heart. 48 00:01:33,003 --> 00:01:34,305 CHARLIE: Where are you going? 49 00:01:34,371 --> 00:01:36,307 CHELSEA: Home! See? 50 00:01:36,373 --> 00:01:37,508 You just proved my point. 51 00:01:37,574 --> 00:01:38,875 Where would you go right now 52 00:01:38,942 --> 00:01:40,811 if you didn't have your own apartment? 53 00:01:47,418 --> 00:01:49,353 I suppose you all enjoyed listening to that. 54 00:01:49,420 --> 00:01:51,054 Huh? Beg pardon? 55 00:01:51,121 --> 00:01:52,656 I enjoyed it. 56 00:01:54,325 --> 00:01:57,027 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 57 00:01:57,093 --> 00:02:00,231 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 58 00:02:00,297 --> 00:02:03,434 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 59 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,536 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... * 60 00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:08,104 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 61 00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:11,442 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 62 00:02:11,508 --> 00:02:16,347 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 63 00:02:20,684 --> 00:02:22,219 * Men. 64 00:02:28,359 --> 00:02:30,494 Can't sleep, huh? 65 00:02:30,561 --> 00:02:31,795 No. 66 00:02:31,862 --> 00:02:34,865 This Chelsea-moving-in thing is really bugging me. 67 00:02:34,931 --> 00:02:36,400 Why are you up? 68 00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:38,735 Well, I realized you were out here drinking yourself 69 00:02:38,802 --> 00:02:41,938 into a miserable stupor over this whole situation and... 70 00:02:42,005 --> 00:02:44,575 I just want to be a part of that. 71 00:02:44,641 --> 00:02:46,377 Thanks. 72 00:02:46,443 --> 00:02:48,245 I hate to say it, 73 00:02:48,312 --> 00:02:49,980 but I think Chelsea might be right. 74 00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:52,048 You don't hate to say it. 75 00:02:52,115 --> 00:02:53,917 Oh, did I say I hate to say it? 76 00:02:53,984 --> 00:02:56,753 I meant I can't wait to say it. 77 00:02:58,822 --> 00:02:59,923 But I did admire 78 00:02:59,990 --> 00:03:02,693 how you ferociously defended an unwinnable position 79 00:03:02,759 --> 00:03:05,896 by comparing your relationship to the Titanic. 80 00:03:05,962 --> 00:03:07,364 That was beautiful. 81 00:03:07,431 --> 00:03:09,366 Oh, come on, 82 00:03:09,433 --> 00:03:12,035 who remembers the names of boats that don't sink? 83 00:03:12,102 --> 00:03:13,304 Sure, sure. 84 00:03:13,370 --> 00:03:14,738 I couldn't give you a zeppelinother 85 00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:16,407 than the Hindenburg. 86 00:03:16,473 --> 00:03:18,108 Still, it was not your finest moment. 87 00:03:18,174 --> 00:03:20,644 There was a time it would've worked. 88 00:03:20,711 --> 00:03:21,578 Yeah, back 89 00:03:21,645 --> 00:03:23,847 when you were dating silicone simpletons. 90 00:03:25,282 --> 00:03:27,150 Unfortunately, Chelsea is too smart for your crap. 91 00:03:27,217 --> 00:03:28,785 Yeah. 92 00:03:28,852 --> 00:03:31,988 And there's not an ounce of silicone in those babies. 93 00:03:32,055 --> 00:03:33,824 Shoot. 94 00:03:33,890 --> 00:03:35,826 I owe Berta five bucks. 95 00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:38,829 Uh, b-but more to the point, 96 00:03:38,895 --> 00:03:40,997 why are you so afraid to have her move in? 97 00:03:41,064 --> 00:03:43,467 I'm not afraid of her moving in, that's easy. 98 00:03:43,534 --> 00:03:45,336 Moving her out's the bitch. 99 00:03:45,402 --> 00:03:47,738 So, you're already assuming you're going to break up? 100 00:03:47,804 --> 00:03:49,039 Oh, come on, 101 00:03:49,105 --> 00:03:50,474 what evidence is there to suggest 102 00:03:50,541 --> 00:03:52,509 that it'll end any other way? 103 00:03:52,576 --> 00:03:55,379 Well, I think she's capable of a long-term commitment. 104 00:03:55,446 --> 00:03:57,648 And you, you could... 105 00:03:57,714 --> 00:03:59,182 change. 106 00:03:59,249 --> 00:04:00,384 You don't believe that. 107 00:04:00,451 --> 00:04:02,218 No, I was just trying to be supportive. 108 00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:04,220 Well, you're not doing a very good job. 109 00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:06,423 I'm not trying very hard. 110 00:04:08,959 --> 00:04:10,160 Let me ask you a question. 111 00:04:10,226 --> 00:04:11,294 What did you think was gonna happen 112 00:04:11,362 --> 00:04:12,796 when you and Chelsea got married? 113 00:04:12,863 --> 00:04:16,533 Honestly, I never thought that far ahead. 114 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,835 I figured we could stretch the engagement thing out 115 00:04:18,902 --> 00:04:21,372 for a couple of years, and by then, who knows. 116 00:04:21,438 --> 00:04:24,808 Maybe I'd die, maybe she'd get fat. 117 00:04:24,875 --> 00:04:27,478 Well, kudos to you 118 00:04:27,544 --> 00:04:29,813 for not bringing that up in the argument. 119 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,815 It wasn't easy. 120 00:04:34,785 --> 00:04:36,720 You know what you have to do, don't you? 121 00:04:36,787 --> 00:04:39,456 I don't have to do anything, Alan. 122 00:04:39,523 --> 00:04:41,758 If not living together is a deal breaker, 123 00:04:41,825 --> 00:04:44,260 then she's free to break off the engagement 124 00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:45,929 and go on her merry way. 125 00:04:45,996 --> 00:04:48,599 She most certainly is. 126 00:04:48,665 --> 00:04:50,634 So you know what you have to do. 127 00:04:50,701 --> 00:04:53,570 (mockingly): Yes, I know what I have to do. 128 00:04:53,637 --> 00:04:55,806 Are you done torturing me? 129 00:04:55,872 --> 00:04:57,874 Yeah, almost. 130 00:05:00,544 --> 00:05:03,814 I'm the king of the world! 131 00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:09,119 Okay, now I'm done. 132 00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:12,489 * Men. 133 00:05:23,867 --> 00:05:26,069 Here. 134 00:05:26,136 --> 00:05:29,039 What's this? 135 00:05:29,105 --> 00:05:31,041 Alan's house key. 136 00:05:34,411 --> 00:05:36,379 Why? 137 00:05:36,447 --> 00:05:38,615 'Cause I want you to move in, 138 00:05:38,682 --> 00:05:40,884 and I didn't have time to make a new one. 139 00:05:41,985 --> 00:05:45,188 Plus, he kind of pissed me off last night. 140 00:05:45,255 --> 00:05:47,223 You want me to move in? 141 00:05:47,290 --> 00:05:48,559 Yes. 142 00:05:48,625 --> 00:05:50,794 I thought about it, and you were right. 143 00:05:50,861 --> 00:05:51,895 Uh-huh. 144 00:05:51,962 --> 00:05:55,098 Which is not to say I was wrong, 145 00:05:55,165 --> 00:05:57,534 but, uh... 146 00:05:57,601 --> 00:06:00,236 Okay, I was wrong. 147 00:06:00,303 --> 00:06:02,973 You're sure you want me to move in? 148 00:06:03,039 --> 00:06:05,542 Absolutely not. 149 00:06:08,679 --> 00:06:10,914 But I figure what the hell. 150 00:06:10,981 --> 00:06:13,416 I mean, it's gonna happen sooner or later, right? 151 00:06:13,484 --> 00:06:15,418 Oh, shut up. 152 00:06:15,486 --> 00:06:17,488 Come on in, I'll make some coffee. 153 00:06:24,495 --> 00:06:26,897 What's all this? 154 00:06:26,963 --> 00:06:30,033 Let's just say I had faith in you. 155 00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:32,302 Oh. 156 00:06:32,368 --> 00:06:35,839 Oh...! 157 00:06:37,908 --> 00:06:40,176 Ew. 158 00:06:40,243 --> 00:06:42,178 * Men. 159 00:06:43,747 --> 00:06:45,516 Those go upstairs in the master bedroom. 160 00:06:45,582 --> 00:06:47,551 Careful, they're fragile. 161 00:06:49,486 --> 00:06:53,256 Okay, you and me need to talk. 162 00:06:53,323 --> 00:06:54,758 I know. I know. 163 00:06:54,825 --> 00:06:56,226 You didn't sign up for this. 164 00:06:56,292 --> 00:06:57,961 You work for me, not for her, 165 00:06:58,028 --> 00:07:01,231 and it's bad enough you have to put up with Zippy and the chimp. 166 00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:03,233 No. 167 00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:06,469 I like her better than you, so from now on I'm working for her. 168 00:07:06,537 --> 00:07:08,539 What? 169 00:07:08,605 --> 00:07:10,373 You need something, you ask her, 170 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,509 she talks to me, we decide. 171 00:07:12,576 --> 00:07:14,144 I don't get a vote? 172 00:07:14,210 --> 00:07:15,445 Yeah, you get a vote. 173 00:07:15,512 --> 00:07:16,847 One vote out of three. 174 00:07:17,681 --> 00:07:19,683 Good luck with that. 175 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,669 Oh, boy. 176 00:07:38,735 --> 00:07:40,470 CHELSEA: You like it? 177 00:07:40,537 --> 00:07:42,706 Oh, boy! 178 00:07:42,773 --> 00:07:45,876 Don't the colors just liven the place up? 179 00:07:46,977 --> 00:07:49,245 Well... 180 00:07:49,312 --> 00:07:51,247 uh... 181 00:07:51,314 --> 00:07:53,116 Oh, boy! 182 00:07:53,183 --> 00:07:55,786 Come on, I want to show you what I did in the bathroom. 183 00:07:55,852 --> 00:07:58,689 Oh, boy. 184 00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:08,264 What do you think? 185 00:08:08,331 --> 00:08:10,200 I don't know. 186 00:08:10,266 --> 00:08:14,370 I have this sudden urge to pee sitting down. 187 00:08:14,437 --> 00:08:17,273 You like the new towels? 188 00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:18,975 I guess. 189 00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:21,011 What was wrong with the old ones? 190 00:08:21,077 --> 00:08:23,747 They didn't match my shower curtain. 191 00:08:23,814 --> 00:08:26,416 What was wrong with my shower curtain? 192 00:08:26,482 --> 00:08:28,151 Didn't match your towels. 193 00:08:28,218 --> 00:08:30,220 Maybe that's how I tell them apart. 194 00:08:33,523 --> 00:08:36,126 Oh, oh, please tell me 195 00:08:36,192 --> 00:08:39,195 that's one of those Zen sand gardens. 196 00:08:41,097 --> 00:08:44,267 You know very well that's Sir Lancelot's litter box. 197 00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:45,335 You brought the cat? 198 00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:46,703 Of course I brought the cat. 199 00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:48,338 What did you think I was gonna do with him? 200 00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:50,240 I don't know. 201 00:08:50,306 --> 00:08:52,776 Return him to the wild? 202 00:08:52,843 --> 00:08:54,978 You're being ridiculous. 203 00:08:55,045 --> 00:08:56,112 Is it ridiculous 204 00:08:56,179 --> 00:08:59,149 to want the turds in my bathroom to be human? 205 00:08:59,215 --> 00:09:03,286 Fine, we'll put it in the laundry room. 206 00:09:03,353 --> 00:09:04,454 Near my clean clothes? 207 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:05,622 Forget it. 208 00:09:05,689 --> 00:09:07,223 So where am I supposed to put it? 209 00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:09,025 Oh, I don't think you really want me 210 00:09:09,092 --> 00:09:10,961 to tell you where to put it. 211 00:09:12,796 --> 00:09:14,998 CHARLIE: I'm just saying it's too much! 212 00:09:15,065 --> 00:09:18,168 Pillows, towels, shower curtains, cat crap! 213 00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:19,435 I don't like it, 214 00:09:19,502 --> 00:09:20,937 I don't need it, I don't want it! 215 00:09:21,004 --> 00:09:22,305 CHELSEA: What do you want me to do, Charlie?! 216 00:09:22,372 --> 00:09:23,206 You want me to leave?! 217 00:09:23,273 --> 00:09:24,374 CHARLIE: No, no, no! 218 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,376 You just got here! I'll leave! 219 00:09:26,442 --> 00:09:27,878 It'll make more room for you 220 00:09:27,944 --> 00:09:31,281 and Sir Crapsalot! (door slams) 221 00:09:32,783 --> 00:09:34,417 Get a good earful? 222 00:09:34,484 --> 00:09:35,852 No. I did. 223 00:09:35,919 --> 00:09:39,122 And I don't appreciate being called Sir Crapsalot. 224 00:09:42,693 --> 00:09:43,927 Oh, good. 225 00:09:43,994 --> 00:09:45,796 For some reason, I can't find my house key. 226 00:09:45,862 --> 00:09:49,299 I hope you're happy with yourself. 227 00:09:50,266 --> 00:09:52,068 Why would I start now? 228 00:09:52,135 --> 00:09:53,169 * Men. 229 00:10:04,214 --> 00:10:06,216 Hey. 230 00:10:06,282 --> 00:10:08,384 How'd you find me? 231 00:10:08,451 --> 00:10:10,053 Wasn't hard. 232 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,723 When you're not volunteering to read stories to the elderly 233 00:10:12,789 --> 00:10:14,891 or feed the homeless, you're usually here. 234 00:10:14,958 --> 00:10:17,928 Sea breeze, extra pineapple. 235 00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:24,434 I'm not cut out for this living together stuff, Alan. 236 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,636 I mean, I tried, I really tried. 237 00:10:26,703 --> 00:10:27,838 That's true. 238 00:10:27,904 --> 00:10:29,840 You gave it a whole, uh... 239 00:10:29,906 --> 00:10:31,241 hour and 20 minutes. 240 00:10:31,307 --> 00:10:33,944 Hey, now Berta owes me five bucks. 241 00:10:35,712 --> 00:10:39,182 Charlie, it's not really that difficult to live with a woman. 242 00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:42,118 Says the man who's been thrown out twice. 243 00:10:42,185 --> 00:10:45,355 I didn't say it wasn't hard for them. 244 00:10:45,421 --> 00:10:48,024 Did you see the salt and pepper shakers 245 00:10:48,091 --> 00:10:49,625 Chelsea put in the kitchen? 246 00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:50,994 No. 247 00:10:51,061 --> 00:10:53,596 They're like these foot-high ceramic roosters 248 00:10:53,663 --> 00:10:55,999 with little S and P holes in their beaks. 249 00:10:56,066 --> 00:10:59,335 Cute. I think I saw those in the Williams-Sonoma catalog. 250 00:10:59,402 --> 00:11:01,304 What am I freaking out about? 251 00:11:01,371 --> 00:11:04,040 A woman's been living with me for six years. 252 00:11:06,176 --> 00:11:07,778 Cheap shot. 253 00:11:07,844 --> 00:11:09,212 Canned pineapple? 254 00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:10,380 (sighs) 255 00:11:10,446 --> 00:11:12,448 (clicks tongue) 256 00:11:12,515 --> 00:11:14,785 It's not just the salt shakers. 257 00:11:14,851 --> 00:11:16,987 It's the fancy pillows on the bed, 258 00:11:17,053 --> 00:11:18,889 the fruity towels in the bathroom, 259 00:11:18,955 --> 00:11:20,991 and then there's the clothes and the shoes. 260 00:11:21,057 --> 00:11:22,826 Oh, my God, the shoes. 261 00:11:22,893 --> 00:11:25,161 She's got almost as many as I do! 262 00:11:25,228 --> 00:11:27,263 And lest we forget, 263 00:11:27,330 --> 00:11:31,001 she brought her big, fat, pooping cat to live with us. 264 00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:33,603 As opposed to what, having it put to sleep? 265 00:11:33,669 --> 00:11:35,772 I suggested letting it go. 266 00:11:35,839 --> 00:11:37,808 I didn't even think of that. 267 00:11:37,874 --> 00:11:40,777 The cat aside, you do know it was wrong 268 00:11:40,844 --> 00:11:42,879 to storm out the way you did. 269 00:11:42,946 --> 00:11:43,947 Of course I know. 270 00:11:44,014 --> 00:11:45,681 I'm an ass, not an idiot. 271 00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,851 One does not preclude the other. 272 00:11:48,885 --> 00:11:51,021 You realize this has nothing to do 273 00:11:51,087 --> 00:11:54,357 with the cat or the towels or the pillows, don't you? 274 00:11:54,424 --> 00:11:56,993 Tell you what. 275 00:11:58,594 --> 00:11:59,963 Here's 20 bucks. 276 00:12:00,030 --> 00:12:01,597 Don't tell me what it's really about. 277 00:12:01,664 --> 00:12:04,100 Boy, 278 00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:06,937 you're putting me in a tough spot here, Charlie. 279 00:12:07,003 --> 00:12:08,171 40. 280 00:12:08,238 --> 00:12:09,973 Good night. 281 00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:13,743 Nah, I care too much about you two kids. 282 00:12:13,810 --> 00:12:15,078 Here. 283 00:12:15,145 --> 00:12:17,180 Now, the reason you panicked is that... 284 00:12:17,247 --> 00:12:18,381 This is just 20. 285 00:12:18,448 --> 00:12:19,916 Is it? 286 00:12:19,983 --> 00:12:23,153 Oh. My mistake. 287 00:12:27,090 --> 00:12:30,260 The reason you panicked and ran away 288 00:12:30,326 --> 00:12:33,129 is that you recognize that the old Charlie is dying. 289 00:12:33,196 --> 00:12:34,664 But what you have to understand is, 290 00:12:34,730 --> 00:12:38,334 he has to die in order for a new Charlie to be born. 291 00:12:38,401 --> 00:12:40,236 Well, that makes sense. Mm-hmm. 292 00:12:40,303 --> 00:12:42,939 Let me ask you a question. Of course. 293 00:12:43,006 --> 00:12:45,909 Does the new Charlie still have the old brother? 294 00:12:45,976 --> 00:12:49,579 Absolutely, and he's here for you. 295 00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:51,147 Man, I can't catch a break. 296 00:12:54,150 --> 00:12:57,954 So, how pissed off was Chelsea when I left? 297 00:12:58,021 --> 00:12:59,355 It was pretty bad at first. 298 00:12:59,422 --> 00:13:00,523 Did you really suggest 299 00:13:00,590 --> 00:13:02,425 that she do something anatomically impossible 300 00:13:02,492 --> 00:13:03,726 with the kitty litter box? 301 00:13:03,793 --> 00:13:05,561 I didn't suggest anything. 302 00:13:05,628 --> 00:13:07,063 She may have inferred. 303 00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:09,365 Oh. Well, regardless, I think I may have been able 304 00:13:09,432 --> 00:13:11,734 to smooth it over for you a little bit. 305 00:13:11,801 --> 00:13:13,369 Really? What'd you say? Mm-hmm. 306 00:13:13,436 --> 00:13:15,238 Uh, I said you had the emotional maturity 307 00:13:15,305 --> 00:13:18,041 of a nine year-old, and that she had to make allowances. 308 00:13:18,108 --> 00:13:19,109 That's good. Mm-hmm. 309 00:13:19,175 --> 00:13:21,077 That's good. Make it her fault. 310 00:13:21,144 --> 00:13:24,547 So now all you have to do is go home, 311 00:13:24,614 --> 00:13:26,616 admit that you're a frightened little man 312 00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:29,252 who doesn't deserve her love, and beg for her forgiveness. 313 00:13:29,319 --> 00:13:32,755 Groveling comes easy for you, doesn't it? 314 00:13:32,822 --> 00:13:34,024 Not at first. I didn't really hit my stride 315 00:13:34,090 --> 00:13:35,391 till my second marriage. 316 00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:40,263 Oh, by the way, have you seen my house key anywhere? 317 00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:42,298 Nope. 318 00:13:42,365 --> 00:13:45,001 * Men. 319 00:13:45,068 --> 00:13:48,871 ALAN'S VOICE: Oh, Chelsea, I was such a fool. 320 00:13:51,107 --> 00:13:53,476 Thank God my brother talked some sense into me. 321 00:13:55,111 --> 00:13:58,081 (as Chelsea): Oh, Charlie, I love your brother. 322 00:13:58,148 --> 00:14:00,383 ALAN'S VOICE: He's so smart and masculine, 323 00:14:00,450 --> 00:14:02,919 and yet, his feminine side makes him sensitive 324 00:14:02,986 --> 00:14:05,455 and intuitive. 325 00:14:05,521 --> 00:14:06,822 You're right. 326 00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:08,591 I only tease him 'cause I'm jealous. 327 00:14:08,658 --> 00:14:12,362 And secretly gay. 328 00:14:12,428 --> 00:14:14,330 (Berta laughs) 329 00:14:16,532 --> 00:14:18,601 Oh, hello. 330 00:14:18,668 --> 00:14:20,003 Don't worry. 331 00:14:20,070 --> 00:14:22,072 This ain't the most embarrassing thing 332 00:14:22,138 --> 00:14:24,174 I ever walked in on you doing. 333 00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:28,711 Oh, yeah. Thanks for not making a big thing about that. 334 00:14:28,778 --> 00:14:30,947 Right back at ya. 335 00:14:33,816 --> 00:14:35,885 You know, I really should cut down 336 00:14:35,952 --> 00:14:37,820 on the talking to myself. 337 00:14:37,887 --> 00:14:39,189 (in funny voice): Yes, you should. 338 00:14:39,255 --> 00:14:41,357 It's getting a little weird. 339 00:14:47,397 --> 00:14:50,200 Son of a bitch! 340 00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:54,270 Can I say I'm sorry again, or are you sick of it? 341 00:14:54,337 --> 00:14:56,806 Mm. Say it again. Let's see. 342 00:14:56,872 --> 00:14:58,508 I'm sorry. 343 00:14:58,574 --> 00:15:01,144 Nope. Still fun. 344 00:15:02,312 --> 00:15:04,047 And? 345 00:15:04,114 --> 00:15:07,317 And... I'm a big, stupid jerk. 346 00:15:07,383 --> 00:15:08,551 And? 347 00:15:08,618 --> 00:15:11,187 And I'd really like to go upstairs 348 00:15:11,254 --> 00:15:14,557 and finish this apology with my mouth. 349 00:15:14,624 --> 00:15:16,692 (rattling on French doors) 350 00:15:18,528 --> 00:15:20,530 Charlie, a moment? 351 00:15:21,631 --> 00:15:23,166 Not now, Alan. 352 00:15:23,233 --> 00:15:25,568 Uh, yeah, well, there's a bit of a situation, 353 00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:27,903 and I'm afraid I'm gonna have to insist. 354 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,705 I'd better talk to him. 355 00:15:29,772 --> 00:15:31,341 He's about to go full fruit fly. 356 00:15:34,677 --> 00:15:37,080 What is your problem? 357 00:15:37,147 --> 00:15:38,748 Well, I noticed you put a lot of stuff in my room, 358 00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:40,783 and I was wondering how long it was gonna stay there. 359 00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:43,753 I've been wondering the same thing about you. 360 00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:44,954 Come on, Charlie. 361 00:15:45,021 --> 00:15:46,456 How am I supposed to live in that room 362 00:15:46,522 --> 00:15:48,491 if you and Chelsea are gonna use it as a walk-in closet? 363 00:15:48,558 --> 00:15:50,060 Tell you what. 364 00:15:50,126 --> 00:15:51,394 I'll give you a break on the rent. 365 00:15:51,461 --> 00:15:55,065 I haven't been paying rent. There it is! 366 00:15:55,131 --> 00:15:57,967 Fine. I'll manage somehow. 367 00:15:58,034 --> 00:15:59,869 Alan, wait. What? 368 00:15:59,935 --> 00:16:03,306 I need you to pull your car out of the garage. Why? 369 00:16:03,373 --> 00:16:06,209 You don't expect Chelsea to park on the street, do you? 370 00:16:06,276 --> 00:16:07,977 So, I have to park on the street? 371 00:16:08,044 --> 00:16:09,179 You don't have to. 372 00:16:09,245 --> 00:16:10,480 You can park it at your place. 373 00:16:10,546 --> 00:16:13,749 I don't have a place. There it is! 374 00:16:16,519 --> 00:16:18,521 You can leave your clicker on the coffee table. 375 00:16:18,588 --> 00:16:20,456 Wait, wait, Charlie, if I don't have a clicker, 376 00:16:20,523 --> 00:16:23,059 and I don't have a house key, how am I supposed to get in? 377 00:16:23,126 --> 00:16:25,261 There it is! 378 00:16:27,497 --> 00:16:29,699 * Men. 379 00:16:32,768 --> 00:16:35,105 I don't have to pee. 380 00:16:40,843 --> 00:16:43,146 I don't have to pee. 381 00:16:45,181 --> 00:16:47,383 Damn it, I have to pee. 382 00:16:51,487 --> 00:16:53,556 (sighs) 383 00:16:57,193 --> 00:16:59,395 (thudding) 384 00:17:00,663 --> 00:17:02,565 (sighs) 385 00:17:05,101 --> 00:17:07,002 Ow. 386 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,572 Son of a bitch. 387 00:17:09,639 --> 00:17:11,574 Oh, ski poles! Oh! 388 00:17:12,675 --> 00:17:14,610 (thudding) 389 00:17:20,483 --> 00:17:22,352 Ow. 390 00:17:34,130 --> 00:17:36,332 (cat yowling, Alan shouts) 391 00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:43,906 Oh, good. 392 00:17:43,973 --> 00:17:45,908 A litter box. 393 00:17:45,975 --> 00:17:47,843 * Men. 394 00:17:49,279 --> 00:17:51,747 This is delicious. 395 00:17:51,814 --> 00:17:53,082 Sure is. 396 00:17:53,149 --> 00:17:54,284 Glad you like it. 397 00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:56,286 There's plenty more. 398 00:17:59,289 --> 00:18:02,192 Jake, would you pass me the chicken? 399 00:18:03,693 --> 00:18:04,927 It's fish, Dad. 400 00:18:04,994 --> 00:18:07,563 Hope you're not allergic to Sir Lancelot. 401 00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:08,898 I'll be fine 402 00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:12,502 as long as he doesn't sleep on my face again. 403 00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:14,570 He is a snuggler, isn't he? 404 00:18:14,637 --> 00:18:15,771 Yeah. 405 00:18:15,838 --> 00:18:17,173 By the way, do you know 406 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,708 if anybody rented your old apartment yet? 407 00:18:18,774 --> 00:18:20,910 Actually, somebody just scooped it up. 408 00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:23,413 Oh. Why? Are you thinking of moving out? 409 00:18:23,479 --> 00:18:26,115 Well, obviously, there's not a lot of room for me here. 410 00:18:26,182 --> 00:18:27,750 What's a place like that go for? 411 00:18:27,817 --> 00:18:28,751 $1,800 a month. 412 00:18:28,818 --> 00:18:29,985 On the other hand, 413 00:18:30,052 --> 00:18:32,087 it's nice to be close to family. 414 00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,457 Well, you got no shame at all, do you? 415 00:18:34,524 --> 00:18:37,760 I assume that's a rhetorical question. 416 00:18:39,094 --> 00:18:40,463 Where's Uncle Charlie? 417 00:18:40,530 --> 00:18:42,198 Said he had some sort of meeting. 418 00:18:42,265 --> 00:18:44,267 That means poker or strip club. 419 00:18:48,838 --> 00:18:50,340 I'm sure it's poker. 420 00:18:53,276 --> 00:18:55,711 * Men. 421 00:19:01,284 --> 00:19:03,719 (doorbell rings) 422 00:19:03,786 --> 00:19:05,555 Ooh, pizza. 423 00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:15,064 Hey, Gordon, small world. 424 00:19:15,130 --> 00:19:16,966 Hey, Mr. Harper. What are you doing here? 425 00:19:17,032 --> 00:19:19,168 Oh, I just rented this place. 426 00:19:19,235 --> 00:19:21,504 Decided I needed a weekend getaway. 427 00:19:21,571 --> 00:19:23,506 From Malibu? 428 00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,876 You'd be surprised. 429 00:19:26,942 --> 00:19:28,378 It gets crowded sometimes. 430 00:19:28,444 --> 00:19:30,980 Okay. What happened to that beautiful woman 431 00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:32,014 that used to lived here? 432 00:19:32,081 --> 00:19:34,950 She lives with me in Malibu. 433 00:19:35,017 --> 00:19:36,218 We're engaged. 434 00:19:36,286 --> 00:19:38,087 And you're hanging out here all alone? 435 00:19:38,153 --> 00:19:39,422 Yup. 436 00:19:40,390 --> 00:19:42,925 You know what you are, Mr. Harper? 437 00:19:42,992 --> 00:19:43,693 What? 438 00:19:43,759 --> 00:19:46,396 A genius. 439 00:19:46,462 --> 00:19:47,997 Thanks, Gordon. 440 00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:52,134 Good night. Good night. 441 00:19:52,201 --> 00:19:58,574 It's nice when someone gets you. 442 00:19:58,641 --> 00:20:00,510 * Men.