I was prey for nearly two decades of my life.
A throwaway child. A discard.
Discard.
I had to fend for myself.
Against the elements.
Against other people. Against myself.
My demons.
I'd like to thank our guest today, journalist Poppy Parnell,
host of the smash-hit podcast, Reconsidered.
Poppy, one last question. What's up next for you?
How do you follow up the Warren Cave season?
Well, doing the Warren Cave story came at a huge personal cost for me.
So, I'm just gonna take my time
and be very thoughtful about the next story I choose to take on.
Well, don't pull a Lauryn Hill on us and keep us waiting, Poppy.
We want a new season now.
But you all heard it. A little bit longer. Thanks again for joining us.
Well, thank you for having me.
Hey, Poppy.
-Hey, Herbie. -The usual?
-Always. Hey. -All right.
Surprise!
Yep, we got her.
Hi.
-Hey. -So good to see you.
It's so good to see you.
-You look beautiful. -You look gorgeous.
Beat that.
I almost got you there. Then I really got you there.
Come on.
-That's right. I don't know what to say. -Goddamn.
-Thank you. -Come on.
You still cheating.
Daddy, you can't say that.
-Course I can. -Come on.
She stole from me the first day she came into this bar.
Grimy little hands right in that till and slipped off before I could catch her.
Only got a block until these two cornered me in the alley.
So then y'all jumped her?
We sure did.
But she was feral, so we had to work at it.
We tussled and threw trash at each other
until you couldn't tell one of us from the next.
All three of them came back smelling like fresh hell.
What were y'all? Ten, 11 years old?
Yeah.
World-famous author.
Been a long time since we've seen you.
Well, I spend more time in hotel rooms than my own bed.
Hate that all those years in the streets, you never thought to come here.
To us.
You over here cheating?
Oh, my God! I'm never gonna live that down.
-Nope. -Never. Looking like new money.
Hi, hi.
All right, come on.
Can y'all believe we're back together again?
I'm sorry I wasn't here for you when things got crazy.
You called, and you wrote, and that was all I needed.
And I survived.
That's what we do, hon. We survive.
Makes us stronger.
It's what they sold us.
Ingram? Is he coming tomorrow?
One hopes.
It's still a little tricky, but we're just trying to remember the romance.
Sounds kind of nice, actually.
And Josh? He'll be there?
Of course.
Why wouldn't he?
-See you tomorrow. -See you tomorrow.
I am so happy to see you both.
Together.
-Yay. -I'm gonna get us some drinks.
-Okay. -Yeah. Okay. Hey, come with me.
Wait.
Is that...
This is the very first draft of the Discard manuscript.
Complete with your editing notes.
This wouldn't have happened without you.
It gave me chills the first time I read it.
You've come a long way since you sat next to me on that bus.
Those two little girls are never far enough away, are they?
No, but the world does not need to know that.
Excuse me.
Hey, so some of the scholarship kids are here.
-Would you come meet them? -Okay, yeah-- yeah. But first...
This is Ivy Abbott. She's my second here at Shelter,
and I don't know what I'd do without her.
Ivy, this is Poppy.
Very, very nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Would you mind if I steal Micah away for just one moment?
-Not at all. -Perfect.
-I'll be back. -Okay.
Wow.
Quite the turnout, huh?
Josh. Oh, my God.
Come here.
I missed you.
I missed you too.
Wow.
The two of you have become quite the power couple.
Micah is world-famous
and your documentary about the Sons of Ivar is everywhere.
Who knew it would lead to all this?
Who knew?
What's going on?
You all right?
What does that mean?
Don't mind me. I have Mother Russia coursing through my body.
You know, fatalism and-- and angst. They run in my blood.
You know you can tell me anything.
Come by the studio later. We'll talk then.
This will all end at some point, right?
Micah's memoir, Discard, shared her story in such excruciating detail.
Her pain reached millions, and it inspired just as many.
And now without further delay, the woman of the hour, Micah Keith.
Good evening.
That is a terrified young girl in there.
Thirteen years old. Left to survive on her own.
Forgotten. A discard.
And still survived.
When I first saw this installation, I took to my bed for three days.
I just had such a hard time looking at her. At me.
All these years later.
I stole. I cheated. I fought.
I drank.
I did drugs.
My body was taken. Not always with my permission.
And that made her nothing.
That made me nothing.
And so, I wrote myself into existence.
To keep from disappearing.
The goal here tonight is to make sure
that every discarded young person has a truly safe home
and not just that safe place in their imagination.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
So before I go, I once again want to thank the Ryvlin Gallery,
my publishers, Simon & Schuster,
my incredible staff at Shelter, all over,
and my friend, Poppy Parnell, who set me on this path.
She saw my collection of scribbles and recognized them as something more.
And her bone-deep belief in what I could offer the world
was one of the cornerstones of my success.
And then, of course, last but never least, my husband, Josh.
Josh, where are you?
Honey?
Anyway, he knows how much he means to me, and I thank him truly.
And all of you, enjoy.
You know, every state I was in, every place I visited,
people were talking about your podcast.
That's nice to hear.
Because I've been accused of single-handedly destroying journalism.
You know, all I've ever wanted to do was help people,
and I get hate mail all the time.
"Fraud." "Opportunist." "Exploiter."
My personal favorite, "witch."
You made an impact.
And that always makes waves.
Is Josh okay?
He seemed kind of off at the gallery.
Growing pains, you know?
Shelter just took off this past year, and I think that we're just adjusting.
Wow.
All right.
Josh?
Hello?
Maybe he went home.
Well, he's not answering his phone. I'm gonna check the back patio.
-Where's your bathroom? -Over the bridge.
And then you kind of go to the left.
Okay.
If you want anything, get it. Wine, beer.
Thank you.
Whatever you want, okay?
Hey, Josh?
Josh?
-Poppy? -Ingram!
Ingram!
-Poppy! -Oh, my God.
-Poppy. -Oh, my God.
-You okay? -It's Josh.
It's Josh. It's Josh. It's Josh.
Poppy?
-Micah. -What's wrong?
What? What?
-Honey. Stop. -What?
-What is it? -You don't want to see this.
-Don't want to see what? -You don't want to see this.
-Poppy. -Don't--
Oh, my God.
That's pretty much it.
Thank you.
You okay, babe?
-No. -You found the body.
You are?
You got blood on your jacket there.
And you are?
Inspector Aames.
Don't ask me why the SFPD doesn't use detective.
Well, we gave our statement to your colleague. I'm sure he can fill you in.
I prefer to hear a story the second time it's told.
I'm gonna check on Micah.
Yeah.
It's Poppy, right?
You're not recording, are you?
How long did you know Joshua?
Twenty years.
So, what do you think of his latest documentary, Drengir?
What in the world does that have to do with anything?
He made a film that pissed off the Sons of Ivar.
It may be a straight line from point A to point B.
That's your story? That fast?
What's yours?
I'm gonna check on Micah.
Hey, honey.
He was just here.
Then he's gone.
Can we please take her home?
Yeah, we'll let you know if we have any other information.
Can I have a lock of his hair?
I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
I'll walk her to her car.
I'm staying the night.
Thank you.
Who was that boy with Josh?
Was he cheating on Micah?
It's not like him.
If he didn't love her anymore, he'd just leave.
You don't know that, baby.
I know my friends.
We know what our friends want us to know about their marriages,
and that's all.
Ingram.
Thanks.
People have been coming on my property all night.
I don't want them multiplying like roaches.
Can you do anything about it?
Micah's had issues in the past with a stalker.
Wait, what? Since when?
No. It's nothing.
It's just a sad woman who identified too much with my books.
She's not the only one.
And you are?
Ramon. Micah's assistant.
-Anything else? -No.
No.
My fans, they can-- they can be intense,
but I-- I couldn't imagine...
Okay. There's nothing we can do about the road beyond the gate.
It's public property.
But we'll go ahead and leave a car out front for the next 48 hours.
-Okay. Thank you very much. -Yeah.
Look.
You need private security.
I don't want any more strangers around me.
He's not a stranger.
What can I do for you gentlemen?
Let me see some ID.
Listen, my name is Markus Killebrew.
I was OPD up until about three years ago. Area five.
Don't make me repeat myself, son.
Let me see some ID.
Son?
Hey, what's going on?
Look at me. Babe. Baby.
Baby, look-- look at me. Look at me.
Don't you give them a reason. You stay right here with me.
Trini's already on the phone with Yates, all right?
My name is Zarina Killebrew.
I'm a neonatal nurse at Alta Bates, and this is my husband, Markus Killebrew.
He was OPD for 12 years.
Currently, owner of a private security firm.
And this is our home.
Our daughter is inside filming this interaction,
and she's also on the phone with our neighbor, Detective Yates.
Why do we have to give these motherfuckers everything but a blood sample
before they recognize that I'm a goddamn man, huh?
See, this is what I'm talking about. They done fucked off my whole mood.
Come on. Come on.
-I'm good. All right? Yeah. -Yeah? Yeah?
So, don't you have a shift to go to?
Huh?
Well, you better get going.
Because I'm cool. Really.
You sure?
Look, it ain't like I'm not used to this.
You've seen it all before.
You know I love you.
I love your ass too. Come here.
Now go on and save some lives.
-Bye, baby. -Bye.
I'll see you later.
Drive safe.
-So, you'll stay here with her? -Where else would I be?
I have personal business, or I wouldn't leave.
No need to explain.
You don't seem overly concerned about Josh's death.
I couldn't stand him.
So, why are you here?
I travel the world. I make a ton of money,
and I have an apartment provided by Shelter.
In Nob Hill.
That's like asking me why I need water and air.
Our daughter is inside filming this interaction,
and she's also on the phone with our neighbor, Detective Yates.
Hey, do you ever miss being police?
Yeah. Especially when shit like that happens.
Did it ever bother you to arrest Black people?
Yeah, all the time.
No, wait, that's...
That's not entirely true.
You know, I didn't have a problem arresting people
who deserved to be locked up.
In my mind, a criminal is a criminal. That's it.
Did you ever see people you knew?
Yeah, way too many times.
I grew up with a lot of knuckleheads.
So, is that why you left the force?
Well...
Why I left the force is... complicated.
Did you know the officers that were pimping those girls?
You know about that?
No. I didn't, but let me tell you something.
Those men,
they don't deserve to call themselves police.
Or men, for that matter. Hear what I'm saying?
-Yeah. -They're just basic criminals and thugs.
That's all.
Somebody's here.
It's been a long time.
Since I left you without a dope beat to step to.
How you doing, Markus?
I'm good, Pops.
This is my daughter. Trini.
Trini, this is Poppy Parnell.
Nice to meet you, Trini.
Yeah, it's nice to meet you too, Miss Parnell.
Hey, you helped my father get that man out of jail, right?
I helped your father.
Yes. Yes, I did.
I did.
Hey, sweetheart, could you, I don't know, get us something to drink?
-Yeah, of course. Be right back. -Thank you.
What can I do for you?
You know about the Joshua Keith murder.
-Shit, here we go. -No, not like that.
You remember Mikey from when we were kids?
Yeah, you're talking about that...
that grimy little white girl who used to hang around Bushrod Park.
Joshua was her husband.
And I know you have a private security firm now.
-Desiree-- -Desiree told you. You're right.
I just want someone around her that can be trusted.
Don't look at me like that.
Your very own inner sanctum.
Devon with security will be by shortly to give you access to everything.
-Cool. -Any questions?
Yeah. What exactly is Shelter?
A women's lifestyle brand and company.
Fans think we're about women's actualization.
Seminars, workshops, therapy, wellness products.
And haters?
Haters think we're a coven.
This is for you.
-All right. -A mourning band for Josh.
We sell them online.
Micah believes it's a ritual that should have never gone away.
It both honors the dead
and forces the world to treat you with grace.
Let me ask you a question.
Was Josh close to the people,
or as you would say, "guests" that work here?
Sometimes.
When he wanted to make use of our amenities. Or the assistants.
My extension is 1637 if you need anything from me.
-Hey. -Hey.
You know, we don't have to do this today. I know you're dealing with Micah.
Sorry about Joshua. He was a good man.
How's she holding up?
Terribly.
I would've skipped the appointment, but I pulled every string I could
to get you into this clinical trial, and we certainly can't miss the first day.
I'm scared.
I know, Daddy.
We have to tell Lillian and the girls.
You need the support, and we all need to be able to help you.
-No. -Daddy.
I said no.
Well, how do you think you're gonna be able to keep it from 'em?
Especially Lillian?
The second I tell her, I'll become an old man to her.
I'm not ready for her to look at me like I'm losing my mind.
Daddy.
I have a beautiful young wife.
I am not gonna be ridiculous to her.
What does that mean?
It means what it means.
My terms.
I don't even wanna hear it.
-We're Catholic. -And I'm a criminal.
A man can be a contradiction.
Lukather Shreveport Scoville?
Right this way.
So, we don't tell her about all of this,
but maybe you could find something useful.
What is it?
Hate mail.
Addressed to Micah.
Black Jesus.
Wow.
Just don't hug me.
And don't speak to me in a soft voice.
I'll just shatter if you do.
I'm here for whatever you need.
How am I supposed to face everybody?
Don't worry about that.
Just step by step until we know.
Know what? That my husband died in the arms of another man?
I mean, I'm sad, and then I'm humiliated.
I'm sad, and then I'm furious.
What kind of fool have I been?
Did the police contact you today?
Ingram told me not to talk with them unless I had a lawyer.
So I'm meeting with a couple this afternoon.
Poppy, what did Joshua want to talk to you about?
I mean, did he say anything?
What?
-We'll talk about it later. -Don't treat me like glass, Poppy.
I swear to God.
Why didn't he show up at dinner? Were you guys fighting?
I mean, just...
Just-- Just marriage sniping. Nothing major.
He was dealing with the fallout of his doc.
I was focused on the launch.
We were busy.
Ramon!
Get rid of that phone.
Of course.
I canceled the rest of your week.
Lachlan gave me some pushback, but I handled it.
Okay.
You have to let yourself grieve.
It's what I tell my girls at the seminar, but...
Right now, it means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing.
All I feel is insane.
Poppy, I need you to help me find out what happened to Joshua.
-You just need to get some rest. -No. Listen.
When I was in the back of that ambulance,
the officers were joking that rent boys in the Castro were...
Like...
Like, playing Russian roulette.
We cannot depend on them to tell us the truth.
I put myself in a lot of danger last year.
Ingram, my father too, and you know what happened with Cydie.
Joshua would do it if it were you.
It's not that simple.
Poppy, please.
Please.
Seeking answers is never a straight line.
I won't only find out what you want me to know.
-I don't care about that. -But I do.
I do. I-I-I...
I will help you by supporting you, but I-- I can't add to your pain. I...
I'm gonna go lie down.
Hey, you, what's going on?
Hey.
Micah asked me to look into Josh's murder.
You sure you wanna do that?
Well, I don't wanna hurt her.
Real talk?
Between this and Daddy, I don't have anything left.
Well, I could look into it, just for peace of mind,
and you could concentrate on being a friend.
Okay.
But look quietly.
Okay.
Hey.
Talked to Micah?
No. What's going on, Ingram?
A friend of mine at SFPD gave me a heads-up.
Police are closing the case, classifying it as a murder-suicide.
Well, who do they think did the murdering?
They think Joshua did it.
Shit.
Twelve phone calls? Really?
Murder-suicide?
If that's not the laziest shit I've ever heard.
What could possibly be Josh's motive?
Well, who's asking? Micah's over-involved friend or the nosy journalist?
Is the answer different for one and not the other?
Step light.
I'll say the same to you.
-I'm not the story. -Could be.
-Now, what does that mean? -It means do your fucking job.
And we're done.
I'll give you one more chance.
Or what?
Or I'll investigate this.
Then you and your whole department will come out looking like fools.
You saw the same thing I did. You just don't wanna face it.
He was shirtless in the arms of a much younger man.
There's evidence that was not their first encounter.
No forced entry, nothing missing. Should I go on?
Yes, you should.
What about Micah's stalker?
What about all the hate mail in her office?
What about the Sons of-- of-- of Ivar, or whatever the hell their name is?
From what I've read, they're dangerous.
Well, then you should wanna stay away.
You don't want them turning their sights on you.
If you know this, how can you rule them out?
How the hell do you even keep your job?
You know I trained under Owen Cave?
So?
-So you've ruined him. -He ruined himself.
Poppy Parnell. Judge, jury, executioner, right?
Whoever you're gunning to destroy this time, it won't be me.
You'll destroy yourself if you don't dig a little deeper.
Hey.
They closed the case.
I know.
Where are you?
Just my old stomping grounds.
That's not the answer. You know that.
What did my daddy say to you? "You can always come to us."
Come to me, honey. Just come to me.
You need anything?
No, I'm just doing the work.
Affirmations.
How about taking a little break?
Grief doesn't settle. Neither should we.
Now, look...
You know you don't have to do that with me.
Hey, it's Joshua, leave a message.
And if it's you, honey, send me a text.
You know I don't listen to these things.
Come with me.
You're safe here.
Take as long as you need.
Will you pray with me?
Hey.
I...
Gonna do the podcast about Josh.
But we have to be honest with each other. You have to be honest with me.
-Okay. -The risk is too high if we're not.
But you were right.
Josh would've risked it all for me.
You save me once again.
No. We save each other.
We have to do it publicly.
On the podcast.
Force the police to look deeper into the case.
Okay?
Okay.
Thank you.
Get some rest.
"Other people's tears are only water."
My friend, Joshua Keith, said that to me the night he died.
I didn't know what he meant. Why he said it.
But now it feels as if he's... speaking to me from the grave.
Today, when I heard that the case was closed,
that his widow would never have the answer she deserved,
his words became prophetic.
To the people who didn't know him, Josh's death is a story.
A headline.
A case file number.
But for those of us who loved him,
it's a heartbreaking loss.
A loss that deserves answers.
Joshua wasn't religious.
Not in the churchgoing sense of the word, but he was...
He was spiritual.
A man of the world that made curiosity his lodestar.
As young cubs at The New York Times,
he was endlessly amused by my devotion to Sunday mass.
It tickled him, and...
until I explained it the way I felt it.
And it came from a blessing I heard at my first communion.
"Teach your children scriptures early
and they'll be able to access armor they didn't even know they had."
That was one of mine.
The other, we shared.
It was the tether of our 20-year friendship.
What tethered us together was the pursuit of truth.
I will continue that pursuit on his path,
and I will not give up until I have all the answers.
The truth will be the light that shines us through.
So... here we go.
Once again, my name is Poppy Parnell.
And I'd like you to reconsider.