Beth, you have a minute?
Previously on This Is Us...
We have to let you go.
BETH: This is Beth Pearson.
I was checking to see if you got the résumé.
But I hadn't heard anything, so...
if you could, uh, call me back?
Your last boss, Bill, couldn't rave about you more.
That must have been hard parting ways.
Yeah. (clears throat) Sorry, it's still a little raw.
(chuckles softly, sniffles)
-My mom hurt her damn hip again. -She okay?
Yeah. I just hope she didn't break it again.
Um, I got to head down to D.C.
-Of course. When? -Now.
("I Say a Little Prayer" by Aretha Franklin playing)
* Say a little prayer for you
* The moment I wake up
-* Before I put on my makeup -* Makeup *
-* I say a little -* Prayer for you *
(school bell rings, students murmuring)
* And while combing my hair now and wondering what dress... *
Damon. Damon Henderson.
Mr. Henderson, I know you hear me.
Mrs. Sawicky said you were late for homeroom.
-Again. -I'm sorry, Principal Clarke.
Oh, you don't have to apologize to me.
Apologize to yourself, and don't let it happen again.
Yes, ma'am.
-Oh. -(snaps fingers)
I got a "B" on my history exam today.
Okay.
Last time, I got a "C."
So next time you get an "A." Go on, now.
Don't be late for third period, too.
* Please love me true
* This is my prayer...
No running! There is no run...
-Ow! -Ooh! My bad, Principal Clarke.
Oh, God.
BOY: Are you okay, Mrs. Clarke?
I'm fine, Donald. Keep going.
Go on, go on.
(groaning, wincing)
You okay?
-Yeah, I'm fine. -(TLC's "What About Your Friends" playing)
-Yes! '90s on 9 for life! Ha! -(turns up volume)
Remember when we used to pretend we were in this music video?
* What about your friends?
* Are they gonna be lowdown?
* Will they ever be around? Hey *
* Or will they turn their backs on you? *
* Every now and then
-(both laugh) -* I get a little crazy...
Oh, thanks for coming down to D.C. with me.
Of course. Hey, telling that woman she needs to retire
-is definitely a two-woman job. -Yeah.
She can't be on her feet all day chasing after teenagers.
She's lucky she only bruised it this time.
She keeps this up,
she's gonna break the damn hip all over again.
-Mm, we need to get in there and lay down the law. -* Amen.
You are gonna lay down the law with me, right?
Not just lay down?
Uh... what's that supposed to mean?
Beth, when it comes to standing up to your mom,
you have this... tendency to clam up.
I do-- What?!
-I do not clam up. -You do. You clam.
I get it. She's terrifying.
I bet she's driving you crazy about losing your job, right?
-Nope. Not really. -Seriously?
She's not all over you about finding something new?
(imitates Carol): "Gap in your résumé
is a red flag for any future employer, Bethany."
No. She's been pretty cool, actually.
Oh, my God. You haven't told her you got laid off.
Fine, all right? She doesn't know.
And I wasn't gonna tell you until right before we walked in,
because I didn't want you to give me crap about it
-the whole car ride. -I'm not gonna give you crap.
Thank you.
-You know why you didn't tell her? -Why?
-You clammed up. -I hate you.
(laughs)
CAROL: Bethany?
Bethany. Is this homework time, or is this drawing time?
Homework time.
"Is this homework time, or is this drawing time?"
(giggles)
Miss Zoe, you have something to say?
I know you're new here,
but in this house, we show respect.
Sorry, Mama C.
All right.
(Beth giggles)
-(Jamaican accent): Guess who. -(sighs)
Someone who ate something with mustard on it, that's who.
-(laughter) -ABE: You are a very cruel woman.
But I love you.
Oh! Come on!
-Ew! -(lively chatter)
-Okay, that's enough. -(phone ringing)
That's enough. How was the day?
-ABE (laughing): Good. -Yeah?
-ABE: Yes. -Good.
Hello? Yes, this is her.
What? I got in?
Bethany, who are you speaking to?
I got into the academy!
Child, give me this phone.
What academy?
Hello? Who am I speaking to?
I s... I see.
Well, now, I have to talk to my husband about it.
I shall return your call, yes.
That was Vincent Kelley from the Whitmore Ballet Academy.
He came to my dance class at school,
and Ms. Allen said we should dance our best,
'cause he was gonna pick one of us to join his academy.
-(Abe chuckles) -And you think this is funny?
That our daughter auditioned for a prestigious dance academy
behind our backs and got in?
A little, yes. (chuckles)
Baby, you've seen how good our girl is.
It couldn't hurt to just check the place out.
She's our little island girl.
She danced before she walked.
Remember?
(sighs)
(whispers): Okay.
I hope she still keeps a spare under one of these plants.
They gave her a walker.
I don't want her to have to drag herself to the front door.
-Please. She's probably already in bed. -(door opens)
CAROL: I thought I heard some rumbling around out here.
Why are you two messing around in my plants?
-Hi, Mom. -(laughs) Hi.
-Hi, Mama C. -Oh.
You two didn't have to drive all the way down here.
-It's just a bruised hip. -No, we know we didn't.
We wanted to. And aren't you supposed to be
staying off your feet? And where's that walker?
-The doctor told me you're... -Lord, please. E.R. doctors.
They are so dramatic.
And that walker thing is for old ladies.
-But you're supposed to be... -Now, listen.
I have already been lectured to
by a doctor who doesn't know me from Adam,
so whatever this "take it easy" nonsense business is
you're about to spout, I don't want to hear that.
You must be starving. Come on in.
I'll warm up dinner.
-She's still scary as hell. -Mm-hmm.
(piano playing mid-tempo, minor-key music)
So, these are my advanced students.
One day this could be Bethany.
How many classes does she have to take?
Three classes every day after school
and then all day on Saturdays.
CAROL: And all of these classes lead to what, exactly?
VINCENT: Good question.
Let's talk in my office, please.
Baby girl. Come.
VINCENT: Every year, we put on
a senior showcase for our oldest dancers,
featuring some of the classics:
Swan Lake, Giselle,
-some of the new works. -CAROL: Mm-hmm.
So all these years of training are for one night of dancing.
It's not one night of dancing.
It's a chance to debut our students
to some of the leading ballet companies in the country.
Our featured soloists go on to have careers
at the New York City Ballet, The Royal Ballet, the Bolshoi.
How many make it?
Professionally.
It varies.
Some years, eight. Others, two.
-CAROL: Two. -Mr. and Mrs. Clarke,
do you know American Ballet Theatre has never had
African American principal dancer
in their 53-year-old history?
Your daughter has a remarkable raw talent.
If Bethany works hard,
I believe she could be the first.
I believe she can do it, too.
You know, she danced before she walked.
That's a true story.
-You know, I... -Um, could we have a moment?
In my, uh...?
Yes, of course.
This is a very expensive program.
If she goes, you... you're gonna have to work overtime.
It's okay. I don't mind.
I'll probably have to teach summer school.
-Abe, you heard the odds. -Baby...
when have we ever listened to the odds?
Come here.
Okay. We're gonna do this.
Your father and I, we're gonna make this happen.
But if you go here, you'll have to give it everything.
You'll have to be the best.
Now, is this what you want,
to work hard at dancing every single day?
Yes, Mama.
BETH: That smells good.
Yeah. "Did you put extra Scotch bonnet pepper,"
just like your father liked it? Yes, I did. (chuckles)
Aw, it's too bad your brother and sisters are not here.
-They love my curry chicken. -Mom.
-We can serve ourselves. -Hmm? Excuse me.
I can ladle this cream, thank you very much. Mm.
(Zoe clears throat)
So, Mom... (clears throat)
...Zoe and I know you don't want us running your life.
-Mm. -And we don't want to.
Mm-mm.
But, um, I feel like we need to talk about your job.
What about it?
Well... it's a lot.
A lot?
It... it takes a toll.
Are there clams in this rice, Mama C?
'Cause it's feeling pretty clammy in here.
(quietly): Shut up.
I...
We were thinking that...
(exhales)
-May... -Look, we think it's time you...
thought about retiring.
Are you kidding me? Are you...
You want me to walk away from my job
because of a bruised hip?
Well, maybe retiring's extreme, but there must be a way
-for you to cut back. -I have told you,
I do not want to hear this, especially from you.
And what's that supposed to mean?
What do you know about a job?
BETH: Wait, Mom, what are you talking about?
-Zoe has a job. -I'm not talking
about a passion project, dear.
-I'm talking about a path. -Mm-hmm.
I'm talking about choosing a real path
and sticking to it, like Bethany did.
Bethany went to college. Bethany got her master's.
And, every morning,
Bethany wakes up with a sense of purpose,
-because Bethany... -Bethany got laid off months ago.
(silverware clinks)
Five, six, seven, eight.
Clarke.
Tendu derrière.
You know, when I was about your age,
I saw Misha perform for the first time in Giselle.
Shoulders.
Do you know who that is?
The greatest of our time, Mikhail Baryshnikov.
When he leaped,
I thought to myself, "If gravity does exist,
it takes a vacation when he's onstage."
He simply... soared.
So, you, young lady, you've got that flying part down.
Now you need to master the technique.
And you will.
Again.
Mind the tempo, Clarke.
Pull up. Don't lose your center.
Come talk to me after class.
Nice work, girls.
Bethany, it's been four years.
We've talked about this before.
You know other forms of dance can be more forgiving.
Vincent, I know I'm not built like the perfect ballerina,
but neither was Lauren Anderson.
And now she's principal dancer for the Houston Ballet.
The exception, not the rule.
I can be the exception, too.
I've wanted this since I was a little girl.
I'm going to get the solo. I'm going to get scouted.
And, in a few years, I'm gonna be living in London,
working as the principal ballerina with The Royal Ballet.
If you really want this, I'm still with you.
But you're gonna have to work ten times harder.
You up for it?
(whispers): Yeah.
Hi. Sorry I missed dinner.
Stayed late to practice.
I'm gonna have to do that from now on. (sighs)
You're home early.
CAROL: Okay.
She's home.
Let's tell them.
Uh, tell us what?
What's up?
You both know I've been, uh...
coughing a lot lately.
Your mama convinced me to see a doctor.
And it turns out...
(sighs)
...I might be a little bit sicker than I thought.
He has lung cancer.
But you don't smoke.
I know.
So unfair, right?
(chuckles softly)
I might as well start.
CAROL: We told your brother and your sisters this afternoon.
The doctor wants your father to start chemotherapy,
so that's what we're going to do.
Wipe those tears.
We have to be strong.
Come on.
This table isn't gonna clear itself.
Can you give us a minute?
We just found out the man has cancer.
And your auntie told you what we're going to do about it.
Go now. Help her clean up.
(sniffles)
BETH: Mom,
can you please talk to me?
You've barely said a word in 20 minutes.
Okay.
Let's start with how you've been lying to me for months.
I was always planning on telling you.
I just needed to figure things out first.
-Have you? -No, not yet.
I've been interviewing, figuring out my options.
Okay.
Okay, we will sort all this out.
Tomorrow morning, I will brew a pot of coffee,
and we will make a list of all the great firms in your city.
Then, together, we will proof your résumé,
go to Staples, get some fancy paper,
and begin mailing them out.
Mailing it out?
I'm sorry, did we step through a portal to 1998?
Don't be smart.
(dishes clinking quietly)
I'm going to quit dance.
What are you talking about?
It's my fault.
He's... He worked too hard.
-And now it might... -Bethany, stop.
It is not your fault that your father is sick.
And you are not gonna give up years of training.
You're gonna stick to the path you chose,
and you will be the best.
VINCENT: I trust you're warm?
We're gonna learn a new combination.
Sonya here will demonstrate.
(sportscast playing over TV, door opens)
ANNOUNCER: There was an appeal, but that...
Hi, Mom. Dad. Zo.
Mm, this is late, even for you.
CAROL: When will you hear about the solo?
I need time to make your costume.
Eight weeks.
Okay.
(clicks tongue) Time for bed, young lady.
You've been watching TV for hours now.
(sighs) It's not even that late. Chill.
I know you did not just tell me to chill, child.
(laughing)
That girl is giving your mother a run for her money.
ANNOUNCER: ...outside the penalty area.
He can do it all.
So, tell me, what is it you all are working on?
Pigeon Lake?
(chuckles)
It's Swan Lake, Dad.
(chuckles) There it is, that smile I missed.
We got a new girl in class today.
Oh? She any good?
Better than good.
I work hard, but... it just comes easier to her.
I can tell.
(chuckles softly)
My baby girl.
18 months old before you started walking.
Yeah, I know, Dad.
And your mother was scared to death.
She took you to all kind of doctors.
Wanted to find out what was wrong with you.
But nobody could tell her anything.
And then, one day, we were all in Kingston.
Uncle Clem put on some Burning Spear.
-You know the song? -"Dread River."
(chuckles)
That song started playing, and it seem like
it just pick you right up off the ground,
because you stood and you danced straight over to me.
Your mama would never admit it now, but she sobbed.
We were so happy.
Our little island girl,
who dance before she walked.
That's who you are.
Never forget, baby girl.
I won't.
(both chuckle)
(sighs)
Okay.
(Abe coughs)
-Dad? -Yes, my love?
Nothing.
-Good night. -Good night.
(quiet knock on door)
Come in.
-You up? -Hell yeah.
Past 20 years have not been kind to this mattress.
Come with me. I got something to show you.
(Beth chuckles)
(quietly): What are you doing?
(gasps, mouths)
Zoe Marie Baker,
did you hide drugs behind Big Mama?
It's the only sacred place in the house.
(whispering): Lower your voice. She might hear us.
Is it still good? (sniffs)
-Yeah, she's still good. -(giggles)
I will never let you tweeze my eyebrows again.
(laughs): I was a kid.
So was I.
-With no eyebrows. -(both laugh)
I am sorry that my mom laid into you like that.
-About your documentaries. -Mm. It's fine.
It really is fine with you, isn't it?
Man, I would carry that crap around inside of me
-for, like, a year. -Mm.
But you, you just explode, and it's all over for you.
Mm.
Well, I think it's always been different for me.
I mean, by the time I came to live in this house...
(exhales)
Well, it was safe here.
And, uh, well, the rest of you, you looked at your mom
like she was this strict, domineering woman, and...
I just saw this...
this person that couldn't hurt me like I'd been hurt before.
You know what?
We don't talk enough about how incredible you turned out
despite all the crap you were put through.
No. (chuckles)
We really don't.
But, uh, but your mom, she...
she went easier on me, too.
But the rest of you? She... she was tough.
Sister-cousin, I know you inside and out,
and something bigger is going on with you.
And you need to find a way to talk about it
before all that pressure...
(imitates explosion)
What was that?
Uh, was supposed to be an explosion.
I'm pretty high.
(both laughing)
(both chuckle)
(whispering): I'll be up in a minute.
-(whispering): Okay. -All right.
-Good night, cuz. -Night, cuz.
ABE: Never forget, baby girl.
(Abe coughs)
-Dad? -Yes, my love?
BETH: I'm gonna forget.
I'm gonna forget that part of me.
Dad, I want you to know that I'll...
be happy.
I'll find love. Great love, oh.
With a man who reminds me so much of you it's scary.
(crying softly)
But I can't be me without you.
How could I be?
Nothing. Good night.
-(quiet chatter) -I know. I'm really excited, though.
-Yeah, I know. -Oh, hey, Bethany.
Hey.
(chatter continues)
We were all real sorry to hear about your dad passing.
Mr. Kelley said you were gonna at least take a couple days off.
-Did you... -I'd rather be here with you guys.
Plus, I already broke two lamps
-trying to rehearse at home. -(chuckles)
The list is up. Come on. (chuckles)
(excited chatter)
I didn't expect to see you back so soon.
Yeah, but my dad would have wanted me to be here.
Believe me, Bethany, I wish it could've been you.
I want you ready in five minutes.
Hi.
Mom?
-Mom, are you okay? -I'm fine.
I picked up some Chinese food
after dropping your brother and sisters off
at the train station.
Are you hungry?
Mom, if you're sad, we can talk.
-We can... -Of course I'm sad, Bethany.
What else could I be?
How was dance today?
Uh, they announced the cast for the senior showcase.
I didn't get the solo.
(voice breaking): I worked really hard.
I'm sorry if I disappointed you.
You did your best.
That's all I ever asked.
Don't worry, Mom. I'm not gonna give up.
(sniffles)
(classical music playing)
Oh.
-(music stops) -Sorry. Is the music bothering you?
I just wanted to practice a little bit before bed.
Bethany, come sit here. I have something for you.
I gave this to your sisters and your brother.
It helped them choose their colleges.
But you know I'm not...
I mean, the plan is for me to get into a company.
That was the plan.
But now we have to choose a different path for you.
A different path?
I'm sorry. I-I really am.
But I just don't see dance as a path for you.
And I cannot watch you move to New York
and struggle to make ends meet while you audition for companies
that you're never going to get into.
I won't continue to pay for this school.
It's setting you up to fail.
Mom? What are you doing?
-(exhales) -It's 3:00 a.m.
Oh, I couldn't sleep,
so I thought I'd get a head start on listing firms.
I really don't need you to help me find me a job, Mom.
It's okay. I'm happy to help.
Well, I'm not happy to have your help.
I know you're embarrassed.
But you don't have to be rude to... (groans)
to me.
Yeah. Just keep on going like you always do, right, Mom?
Even in pain.
That's what Clarke women do, right?
No room for weakness.
Dad dies, we just wipe our tears and keep on marching, right?
And what would you have had us do?
Wallow in our grief?
No.
But we could've taken some time.
Mom, I remember feeling so free when I was a little girl.
Do you remember that?
I always had my head in the clouds,
and I was always... doodling and...
...always dancing.
-Bethany. -You didn't have to take it from me.
You had gone as far as you could go, Bethany.
It wasn't working out for you.
You had gone as far as you could go.
You ever wonder why Lisa, Isaiah and Renee don't come around?
It's because of how you are.
There's no air around you.
There's no air to breathe.
No air to be sad. No air to fail.
That's your big complaint?
No air?
Well, I can live with that.
I promised my mother I'd push my kids as hard as she pushed me.
My kids may not come around,
but that's okay with me because I know you're all good.
But I'm not good, Mom.
I am not good.
I haven't had my head in the clouds for years.
My husband, he dreams.
Oh, he dreams these big ideas,
and he is never ashamed to do it,
because nobody ever made him feel like he should be.
But me?
I can't even look at him.
I can't even look at the person
closest to me in the whole world.
I cannot look him in the eye...
...tell him I want to be that little girl who dances again.
(grunts)
This sweater looks good on you, Bethany.
And I like the braids.
A freshman college mixer.
This is a fresh start filled with great opportunities.
-Oh. I-I'm sorry. -Oh.
No problem.
(birds chirping outside)
-Mom. -No. Let me speak.
My mother was the smartest person I ever knew.
Her little restaurant on 129th Street in Harlem
helped put me and my brothers through school.
My father thought education was worthless for a girl,
but she stood up to him.
Told him I would have every opportunity my brothers had.
She worked hard for me.
And I worked hard to make her proud.
We hardly ever fought.
Except, of course, when I met your father.
Oh, sh-she warned me,
"Girl, bad company will lead you astray."
But Abe wasn't bad company.
He just didn't take life so seriously.
I had so many worries.
Sometimes those worries suffocated me.
But when I was with him,
I felt like I could finally breathe.
(chuckles softly)
I guess he gave me that air that you said I don't have on my own.
Which is why I fell in love with him.
And your grandmother came around.
She came home one night; Abe was over visiting me.
He had brought me dinner while I was cramming for exams.
And he was feeding me.
Literally, feeding me one forkful at a time,
because I wouldn't stop studying to pick up a fork.
And she saw that he was exactly what I needed.
I was too serious; he wasn't serious enough.
But together we made the perfect balance.
Bethany, I don't know if I made the right decision for you.
But I didn't have time to question myself.
Your father was gone.
My air was gone.
And...
I just had me and my worries,
wanting my last child to be okay.
Our little island girl,
who danced before she could walk.
(chuckles)
(whispers): Mom.
You didn't fail me, Mom.
I'm strong because of you.
I don't regret the path you put me on.
It brought me to Randall.
And my girls.
And a job that I loved for 12 years.
Still...
I shouldn't have taken dance away so quickly.
I'm sorry.
(quietly): Thank you.
* The moment I wake up
* Before I put on my makeup
Hey. There she is.
* I say a little prayer for you *
-Mwah. -(sighs)
* While combing my hair now...
How's your mom doing?
She'll be fine. She's always fine.
And what about you?
I will be.
I'm ready to tell you what I want to do next.
Okay.
* You stay in my heart and I will love you *
* Forever and ever...
(exhales) Should I come in with you?
I could be, like, your hype man. What?
-What? (humming) -(laughs)
-Thanks, babe, but I got this. -All right.
* To live without you...
-Hey, Beth... -I know. It's crazy.
People are gonna think it's crazy.
Child, please. When have we ever listened to people?
What? I say something wrong?
No.
* I run for the bus, dear
* And while riding, I think of us, dear *
* I say a little prayer for you *
* At work, I just take time
* And all through my coffee...
Mr. Marcus, get your head out of that phone.
There's a whole world out here that you're missing.
Sorry, Principal Clarke.
* And ever, you stay in my heart *
* And I will love you
* Forever and ever, we never will part *
* Oh, how I love you
* Together, together, is how it must be *
* To live without you
* Would only mean heartbreak
* For me...
* My darling, believe me
* For me, there is no one
* No one, no one but you
* Answer my prayers now, baby
* Forever and ever
* You stay in my heart and I will love you *
* Forever and ever
* We never will part, oh, how I love you *
* Together, together, is how it must be *
* To live without you
* Would only mean heartbreak
* For me...
-You really know your stuff. -(chuckles): Sorry.
It's been a while. I was just... (panting)
um, getting a feel for things again. (chuckles)
Our beginner's class starts in 20 minutes,
but I think you're gonna be bored to tears.
You really belong in an advanced class.
Actually, I have something else in mind.
(panting)
I want to teach.