1 00:00:22,735 --> 00:00:25,071 Look, whoever you're honking for, you got the wrong house. 2 00:00:25,072 --> 00:00:27,739 "Dear Laura, it's me, Shoresy. 3 00:00:27,740 --> 00:00:29,493 I'm speaking to you through this pimple farmer 4 00:00:29,618 --> 00:00:31,994 for two reasons. One, I'm busy doing 5 00:00:32,121 --> 00:00:33,746 what I have to do to get a girl like you. 6 00:00:33,871 --> 00:00:36,457 And two, I wanna show this zit face what it takes 7 00:00:36,582 --> 00:00:38,251 to get a girl like you. 8 00:00:38,252 --> 00:00:40,294 I'm sure you wish it was somebody better looking 9 00:00:40,295 --> 00:00:42,046 reading this, but if you can believe it, 10 00:00:42,171 --> 00:00:43,715 he's the least ugly of the four. 11 00:00:43,841 --> 00:00:46,133 Mason, the guy in the truck, is the most ugly." 12 00:00:46,259 --> 00:00:48,385 - Fuck sakes. - And ugliest of the four, 13 00:00:48,386 --> 00:00:50,597 "four" is spelled "f-o-r." 14 00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:52,764 "You asked me to fuck off for the summer 15 00:00:52,765 --> 00:00:55,476 and figure out if I'm sure about you and about us. 16 00:00:55,601 --> 00:00:58,520 It's been a long summer of reflection and consideration. 17 00:00:58,521 --> 00:01:00,523 But mostly pullin' on it. 18 00:01:00,648 --> 00:01:02,359 More than I want to admit. 19 00:01:02,484 --> 00:01:04,569 Laura, much more of this and I'm gonna pull that thing 20 00:01:04,694 --> 00:01:05,404 right off. 21 00:01:05,529 --> 00:01:06,654 I've also used this time 22 00:01:06,779 --> 00:01:08,739 to finally read "The Five Languages of Love" 23 00:01:08,740 --> 00:01:11,826 and I'll tell ya this, that book is for broads. 24 00:01:11,827 --> 00:01:14,538 The five languages of love are words of affirmation, 25 00:01:14,663 --> 00:01:16,288 quality time, physical touch, 26 00:01:16,289 --> 00:01:18,541 acts of service, and receiving gifts. 27 00:01:18,666 --> 00:01:22,294 224 pages for five things any dumb fuck is doing 28 00:01:22,295 --> 00:01:24,214 for their sweetie, without even thinking about it, 29 00:01:24,381 --> 00:01:25,716 if they're really into them. 30 00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:28,301 That's what I've been doing while you deny my affection. 31 00:01:28,426 --> 00:01:29,635 Puttin' in the work." 32 00:01:29,636 --> 00:01:32,263 "Deny" is spelled "d-e-n-y-e." 33 00:01:38,060 --> 00:01:39,145 What are you doin'? 34 00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:40,521 Timed it almost perfectly, bud. 35 00:01:40,646 --> 00:01:42,565 - Want me to keep reading? - Shut the fuck up, Jack. 36 00:01:42,732 --> 00:01:44,526 - Okay, but I-- - No, just shut the fuck up. 37 00:01:44,693 --> 00:01:46,527 - What are you doing? - What it takes! 38 00:01:46,652 --> 00:01:47,820 What is wrong with you? 39 00:01:47,821 --> 00:01:50,657 I asked you what I had to do to get ya. 40 00:01:50,782 --> 00:01:52,909 And you said... - Run a marathon. 41 00:01:53,034 --> 00:01:55,369 I did? - I fuckin' knew it. 42 00:01:55,536 --> 00:01:57,872 - A whole one? - 42 kilometres, smart ass. 43 00:01:57,873 --> 00:01:59,831 You want a noogie? - You ran a marathon? 44 00:01:59,832 --> 00:02:01,709 Yeah! - You ran a marathon. 45 00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:04,129 - Yeah! - You ran a marathon? 46 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,838 Well, I fuckin' walked a bit, 47 00:02:05,963 --> 00:02:08,592 like up that super steep hill by the water tower. 48 00:02:08,717 --> 00:02:11,176 I'm not fuckin' Terry Fox. - You're crazy. 49 00:02:11,177 --> 00:02:12,720 Yeah, and I had tens cat callin' me 50 00:02:12,845 --> 00:02:14,431 from convertibles the entire time. 51 00:02:14,556 --> 00:02:15,766 You better get your act together. 52 00:02:15,891 --> 00:02:17,307 I don't even remember saying... 53 00:02:17,308 --> 00:02:19,184 Run a marathon. 54 00:02:19,185 --> 00:02:21,271 Well, I remember everything you say. 55 00:02:21,396 --> 00:02:22,688 Do ya? Try me. 56 00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:24,731 - When's my kid's birthday? - April 9. 57 00:02:24,732 --> 00:02:27,151 When's Big Sexy's? - What's my death row meal? 58 00:02:27,152 --> 00:02:29,861 Crinkle cut fries. What's mine? 59 00:02:29,862 --> 00:02:31,907 Box of Timbits. What's my pet peeve? 60 00:02:32,074 --> 00:02:34,741 People who go like this out their car window. 61 00:02:34,742 --> 00:02:37,078 What's mine? - Commercials that make you cry. 62 00:02:37,079 --> 00:02:40,290 - What superpower would I want? - To breathe underwater. Me? 63 00:02:40,415 --> 00:02:42,083 To heal people. 64 00:02:43,752 --> 00:02:45,253 Jack, finish the fuckin' letter. 65 00:02:45,254 --> 00:02:46,921 "Today I ran a marathon. 66 00:02:47,046 --> 00:02:49,340 Even though you probably don't remember telling me to. 67 00:02:49,341 --> 00:02:51,425 I'll run another one tomorrow if you want. 68 00:02:51,426 --> 00:02:53,260 I'll run another one right now. 69 00:02:53,386 --> 00:02:54,594 Tell me what to do and I'll do it, 70 00:02:54,595 --> 00:02:57,599 'cause this is the summer I close on Laura Mohr." 71 00:03:02,813 --> 00:03:05,648 All right, Shoresy, let's have a sleepover. 72 00:03:09,486 --> 00:03:11,362 That's how ya do it! 73 00:03:11,487 --> 00:03:13,448 That's what it takes! 74 00:03:15,575 --> 00:03:17,702 Sometimes you gotta dance for 'em, Jake! 75 00:03:17,827 --> 00:03:20,664 - Jack. - You want the girl? 76 00:04:35,906 --> 00:04:38,741 Blueberry Festival Dance on Saturday, b'ys. 77 00:04:39,909 --> 00:04:41,452 Big Saturday night on deck here, now! 78 00:04:41,577 --> 00:04:42,660 Think they'll serve blueberries? 79 00:04:42,661 --> 00:04:44,663 Wait 'til they see the boys rippin' it up. 80 00:04:44,664 --> 00:04:46,416 Marcia Mercier won't know what hit her. 81 00:04:46,541 --> 00:04:48,043 - Who? - Marissa Mercier. 82 00:04:48,168 --> 00:04:49,044 - Maria. - What? 83 00:04:49,169 --> 00:04:51,504 - Maria Mercier. - Wait 'til Miriam Mercier 84 00:04:51,505 --> 00:04:52,964 sees the boys on the D-floor. 85 00:04:53,089 --> 00:04:55,967 Hey, can I just say, you know, I really appreciate-- 86 00:04:56,092 --> 00:04:58,428 - Shut up. What are you doing? - Oh, look at you. 87 00:04:58,594 --> 00:04:59,930 Fuck, everything's goin' so great. 88 00:05:00,055 --> 00:05:01,056 Why you gotta be so fuckin' emotional? 89 00:05:01,181 --> 00:05:03,474 - Sorry. Geez. - If you're gonna be soft, 90 00:05:03,599 --> 00:05:05,310 you're not gonna get a girl like Mariana Mercier. 91 00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:06,685 - Maria. - Marina Mercier's gonna be 92 00:05:06,811 --> 00:05:07,979 looking at the Bulldogs anyway. 93 00:05:08,104 --> 00:05:09,687 Well, that's true. Martina's probably 94 00:05:09,688 --> 00:05:11,564 gonna be looking at Dolo. Let's be honest, here. 95 00:05:11,565 --> 00:05:13,484 Should be ready for that. - Maria. 96 00:05:13,609 --> 00:05:15,069 Don't think ya have to worry about her looking 97 00:05:15,070 --> 00:05:16,779 at Michaels, though. - Oh, thanks, Shoresy. 98 00:05:16,904 --> 00:05:18,114 Also, Hitch doesn't really strike me 99 00:05:18,239 --> 00:05:19,657 as Miranda Mercier's type. 100 00:05:19,782 --> 00:05:21,952 The odds aren't good, but the goods are odd. 101 00:05:22,077 --> 00:05:24,077 Dolo's not as good a dancer as me, 102 00:05:24,078 --> 00:05:26,164 but he's much better looking, so don't be surprised 103 00:05:26,289 --> 00:05:28,332 if he's gettin' the eyes from Margarita Mercier. 104 00:05:28,457 --> 00:05:29,749 We're gonna look like idiots. 105 00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:31,460 That's the point! 106 00:05:31,628 --> 00:05:33,003 You wanna look like an idiot. 107 00:05:34,755 --> 00:05:36,882 Don't you wish these were your Blueberry Buddies, hey? 108 00:05:36,883 --> 00:05:38,759 Bet you'd love to be Blueberry Buddies with them. 109 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,427 - Shut up. - We've come to tell you 110 00:05:40,428 --> 00:05:42,347 in person. - Ohh, what's up, Nat? 111 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:43,681 Shut the fuck up, Michaels. 112 00:05:43,806 --> 00:05:46,767 Goody, Dolo, Hitch, you're in. 113 00:05:47,476 --> 00:05:49,186 - You're in. - Fer what? 114 00:05:49,311 --> 00:05:50,772 Weird Sudbury. 115 00:05:51,731 --> 00:05:53,398 - Yes, b'y. - Let's get good and weird, 116 00:05:53,399 --> 00:05:54,442 boys. - When is it? 117 00:05:54,443 --> 00:05:55,943 Saturday. 118 00:06:00,489 --> 00:06:01,366 Fuck you, Shoresy. 119 00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:02,740 Fuck you! 120 00:06:02,741 --> 00:06:03,952 - Shut the door. - Let's everybody 121 00:06:04,077 --> 00:06:05,620 just calm down. - She said shut the door. 122 00:06:05,745 --> 00:06:07,955 She said shut the door. - What're you gonna do? 123 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,291 - When? - Now! 124 00:06:09,416 --> 00:06:10,666 - What? - You told the-- 125 00:06:10,791 --> 00:06:12,084 Huh? - You told 126 00:06:12,085 --> 00:06:13,918 the Blueberry Buddies you'd go to the dance with them. 127 00:06:13,919 --> 00:06:15,671 - Yeah. - As I understand it, 128 00:06:15,796 --> 00:06:16,798 you've prepared a dance with them? 129 00:06:16,964 --> 00:06:18,383 - Yeah. - I'd call it more 130 00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:19,925 of a spectacle. - It's a car crash. 131 00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:22,262 And now we've learned that the dance is the same night 132 00:06:22,387 --> 00:06:24,137 as Weird Sudbury, whatever that is. 133 00:06:24,138 --> 00:06:25,140 Good and weird. 134 00:06:25,931 --> 00:06:27,476 - Yeah, so. - So, what are you gonna do? 135 00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:29,394 - Go to the dance. - All of you? 136 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:30,810 No. Yes. 137 00:06:30,811 --> 00:06:33,355 - No. Just me and Michaels. - No one cares about Michaels. 138 00:06:33,356 --> 00:06:35,273 I know. I'd rather go by myself. 139 00:06:35,274 --> 00:06:36,525 The kids don't look up to him 140 00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:37,861 the same way they look up to you guys. 141 00:06:38,027 --> 00:06:39,778 I know! He's almost like... negative one. 142 00:06:39,779 --> 00:06:41,655 What sort of parting message is this for them? 143 00:06:41,656 --> 00:06:43,324 You spent the summer working with them, 144 00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:45,993 building a relationship. You've planned this big dance. 145 00:06:46,118 --> 00:06:47,828 Spectacle. Multi-car pile up. 146 00:06:47,953 --> 00:06:49,289 You say you'll be there for them, 147 00:06:49,414 --> 00:06:51,247 then three of you bail when something better comes along? 148 00:06:51,248 --> 00:06:54,001 They're your guys. You have to be there for your guys. 149 00:06:54,169 --> 00:06:55,669 The hockey world looks out for each other. 150 00:06:55,794 --> 00:06:57,670 Bulldog hockey, baby. 151 00:06:57,671 --> 00:06:59,758 If this is who the Bulldogs are then-- 152 00:06:59,883 --> 00:07:02,719 Okay, relax! Ho-ly! 153 00:07:02,844 --> 00:07:04,346 Talk to them. 154 00:07:05,096 --> 00:07:06,847 You're good at this, Shoresy. 155 00:07:07,681 --> 00:07:09,433 You should coach. 156 00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:12,186 All right, so everybody listen up here now. 157 00:07:13,313 --> 00:07:15,397 Accountability. - Not a chance, me son. 158 00:07:15,524 --> 00:07:17,108 - Huh? - We're going to the party, bud. 159 00:07:17,234 --> 00:07:19,193 Guys. Shut the fuck up, Michaels. 160 00:07:20,820 --> 00:07:21,779 You have to? 161 00:07:22,197 --> 00:07:24,448 Are they draggin' you there by the short and curlies? 162 00:07:24,741 --> 00:07:26,199 Huh? - Are they supposed to be curly? 163 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,494 I thought the most thrilled I'd ever be to hear me name 164 00:07:28,495 --> 00:07:30,538 called was at the NHL draft. 165 00:07:30,539 --> 00:07:32,331 First round, no less. 166 00:07:32,332 --> 00:07:33,791 How wrong I was. 167 00:07:33,916 --> 00:07:36,000 The most thrilled I ever was to hear me named called was at-- 168 00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:38,712 Weird Sudbury. We get it. What is it anyway? 169 00:07:38,837 --> 00:07:40,423 Good and weird. Well, boys... 170 00:07:42,092 --> 00:07:44,260 Boys'll be boys, boys. Like-- 171 00:07:44,385 --> 00:07:46,220 Are you talkin' about the boys or the b'ys? 172 00:07:46,221 --> 00:07:47,556 The boys. 173 00:07:47,681 --> 00:07:48,974 Look Nat said it herself, you're champions. 174 00:07:49,099 --> 00:07:50,682 He means the b'ys proper. 175 00:07:50,683 --> 00:07:51,726 Now I'm all for enjoying everything 176 00:07:51,851 --> 00:07:52,894 that comes along with that. 177 00:07:54,270 --> 00:07:55,188 But she also said... 178 00:07:55,313 --> 00:07:56,940 There is a reasonable amount of time 179 00:07:57,065 --> 00:07:58,567 to celebrate something like this, 180 00:07:58,692 --> 00:08:00,484 and I think that you've surpassed it. 181 00:08:00,609 --> 00:08:03,445 And at this point, yeah, so, 182 00:08:03,572 --> 00:08:04,906 I agree with her. 183 00:08:05,823 --> 00:08:06,907 Summer's pretty much over. 184 00:08:07,075 --> 00:08:08,533 Say we hit our tubing quota. 185 00:08:08,534 --> 00:08:09,535 Oh, tubing's so sick. 186 00:08:11,537 --> 00:08:14,164 And this cup celebration's been pretty sick, too. 187 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:16,293 Phenomenal. - But like... 188 00:08:19,795 --> 00:08:21,254 - It's selfish now. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 189 00:08:21,255 --> 00:08:23,047 Look, hockey players hold each other accountable. 190 00:08:23,048 --> 00:08:24,383 It's what we do. If you're fuckin' up, 191 00:08:24,384 --> 00:08:26,552 you're gonna hear about it. - Let's hear it, b'y. 192 00:08:26,553 --> 00:08:28,638 You bailed on the Jims, 193 00:08:28,763 --> 00:08:30,972 now you wanna bail on the Blueberry Buddies. 194 00:08:30,973 --> 00:08:32,516 Somewhere along the line, 195 00:08:32,641 --> 00:08:33,934 this stopped being about the team. 196 00:08:34,101 --> 00:08:36,061 - It's not hockey, boys. - It's not about the Bulldogs 197 00:08:36,062 --> 00:08:38,606 anymore. It's only about you. 198 00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:40,942 Is this 'cause we went to the party without Michaels? 199 00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:42,568 - No. - Let's just double click-- 200 00:08:42,693 --> 00:08:44,696 Shut the fuck up, Michaels. That's not what it's about. 201 00:08:44,821 --> 00:08:45,947 Because if it was anybody else, 202 00:08:46,114 --> 00:08:47,866 we woulda sat it out with you. - It's only Michaels. 203 00:08:47,991 --> 00:08:49,408 - Even Fish. - It's only Michaels? 204 00:08:49,409 --> 00:08:51,243 - Don't worry about it. - Hold on, if it's only 205 00:08:51,244 --> 00:08:53,038 Michaels, then why did you sit it out, Shoresy? 206 00:08:53,163 --> 00:08:55,246 I dunno, I'm still wrestling with that a little bit. 207 00:08:55,247 --> 00:08:57,833 - Let's just zoom in on that-- - Michaels, shut the fuck up! 208 00:08:57,958 --> 00:09:00,879 - Maybe we could do both. - 7pm to 7am, old man. 209 00:09:01,795 --> 00:09:03,840 It's a bad look for the team if you bail. 210 00:09:04,798 --> 00:09:06,175 It's a bad look for the Bulldogs. 211 00:09:06,885 --> 00:09:08,427 It's up to you. 212 00:09:08,428 --> 00:09:09,471 What's more important? 213 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:11,972 You or the team? 214 00:09:12,557 --> 00:09:13,850 Nice, Shoresy. 215 00:09:18,063 --> 00:09:21,482 You're good at this, Shoresy. You should coach. 216 00:09:23,068 --> 00:09:24,902 But the b'ys ain't missin' Weird Sudbury. 217 00:09:26,779 --> 00:09:28,279 All right, get on the bench. 218 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:29,991 Take your buckets off. 219 00:09:33,702 --> 00:09:35,329 Anytime now. 220 00:09:35,496 --> 00:09:37,832 All right, first off, little stick tap for Jack 221 00:09:37,957 --> 00:09:39,792 for putting himself out there to get a girl, 222 00:09:39,793 --> 00:09:41,460 and being rewarded with a follow back 223 00:09:41,461 --> 00:09:44,129 on some silly social media site. 224 00:09:47,049 --> 00:09:48,677 All right, it's your last skate with the Bulldogs. 225 00:09:48,802 --> 00:09:51,011 National Champs. - Of senior whale shit hockey. 226 00:09:51,136 --> 00:09:53,514 Let's see your banner in the rafters. 227 00:09:53,515 --> 00:09:55,975 All right, we know you're all off to camp here pretty quick. 228 00:09:56,101 --> 00:09:58,227 They're gonna be all over you with toxic masculinity 229 00:09:58,352 --> 00:09:59,853 and anti-femiminity. 230 00:09:59,978 --> 00:10:01,356 - Anti-femininity. - Boys, let's tell 'em 231 00:10:01,481 --> 00:10:04,358 what's really important. - Make a good first impression 232 00:10:04,525 --> 00:10:06,692 and always leave a lasting one. - Oh, my God. 233 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,029 Hittin' them with the recycled material, 234 00:10:08,196 --> 00:10:09,530 are ya, Goody, b'y? - Yep. 235 00:10:09,655 --> 00:10:11,865 You're real proud of yourself with that one, eh? 236 00:10:11,866 --> 00:10:13,408 - It's a good one. - We know you read it 237 00:10:13,409 --> 00:10:15,577 on the wall at fuckin' IKEA or somethin'. 238 00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:17,078 - No, I didn't. - Saw it on a pillow 239 00:10:17,079 --> 00:10:18,789 at a fuckin' bed and breakfast. No, I didn't. 240 00:10:18,914 --> 00:10:20,706 Hitch. - Boys, when you're on the ice, 241 00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,208 there's no room for chit-chattin' with 242 00:10:22,209 --> 00:10:24,087 the other team. Don't be smilin' at each other off the draws, 243 00:10:24,212 --> 00:10:26,129 and all that. Say hello after the game if you wants, 244 00:10:26,130 --> 00:10:27,881 but it's all business on the ice. 245 00:10:28,006 --> 00:10:30,552 Your loyalty is to your team. - Jo-Dolo. 246 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,563 - Michaels. - Look out for each other 247 00:10:42,688 --> 00:10:44,523 in the wild, boys. Check in. 248 00:10:44,524 --> 00:10:46,483 Make sure the boys are doing okay. Have a FaceTime, 249 00:10:46,608 --> 00:10:48,485 if you can. You never know when someone needs it. 250 00:10:48,486 --> 00:10:51,614 And for fuck's sake, protect yourselves out there. 251 00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:54,951 As a hockey player, you've got your stick and your elbow. 252 00:10:55,117 --> 00:10:57,201 Your opponent has their neck and their nuts. 253 00:10:57,202 --> 00:10:58,912 If they come anywhere near ya, 254 00:10:58,913 --> 00:11:01,081 they get your stick and your elbow in their neck 255 00:11:01,082 --> 00:11:03,418 or their nuts. Yeah, I know what you're thinkin'. 256 00:11:03,543 --> 00:11:05,502 I've never been elbowed in the nuts before. 257 00:11:05,627 --> 00:11:08,337 Neither had the no less than 500 dudes I've done it to. 258 00:11:08,338 --> 00:11:09,380 Let's fuckin' go. 259 00:11:09,381 --> 00:11:11,425 I think we'll all have a Jim or two on our team. 260 00:11:11,550 --> 00:11:13,303 - Three, if we're lucky. - Oh, did you guys 261 00:11:13,428 --> 00:11:15,138 square up with Jim? - Yes, b'y? 262 00:11:15,263 --> 00:11:18,475 - And Jim? - The Jims are unbelievable. 263 00:11:26,607 --> 00:11:29,736 All right, you're all off to camp real quick here now. 264 00:11:29,861 --> 00:11:31,696 When you get there, what are you gonna be? 265 00:11:31,821 --> 00:11:33,614 - The best player on the ice. - You? 266 00:11:33,615 --> 00:11:35,115 - Yeah. - No, you won't be, 267 00:11:35,116 --> 00:11:36,576 you can't skate. - I can skate. 268 00:11:36,701 --> 00:11:38,951 Yeah, like you got 'em on the wrong fuckin' feet. 269 00:11:38,952 --> 00:11:40,412 - No, I don't. - You know what, 270 00:11:40,413 --> 00:11:42,164 you're supposed to stay low to the ground when you skate, 271 00:11:42,332 --> 00:11:44,500 eh? You fuckin' bob up and down like a figure skater. 272 00:11:44,625 --> 00:11:46,376 Skate good enough to get drafted to the O. 273 00:11:46,502 --> 00:11:48,045 - Fuckin' skates like a bird. - What? 274 00:11:48,170 --> 00:11:49,671 Yeah, you skate like one of those birds that fuckin' 275 00:11:49,672 --> 00:11:51,923 bobs when they walk. That's fuckin' walkin' around 276 00:11:51,924 --> 00:11:53,926 like, peckin' shit. What are those called? Emus? 277 00:11:53,927 --> 00:11:55,384 I don't know. I don't know what the fuck 278 00:11:55,385 --> 00:11:56,928 you're talking about. - Alpacas? 279 00:11:56,929 --> 00:11:58,389 - Alpacas are more like camels. - Well, I know 280 00:11:58,515 --> 00:12:00,765 they're fuckin' mammals, idiot. - I said camels. 281 00:12:00,766 --> 00:12:02,768 All right, raise your hand 282 00:12:02,769 --> 00:12:04,353 if you think Carter's an ugly skater? 283 00:12:04,478 --> 00:12:05,604 Fuck you, Shoresy. 284 00:12:05,605 --> 00:12:07,940 Now let's point to the guy that's a fuckin' liar. 285 00:12:07,941 --> 00:12:09,483 - What was the question? - All right, you're all 286 00:12:09,608 --> 00:12:11,610 going off to camp here. When you get there, 287 00:12:11,611 --> 00:12:13,695 what are you going to be? 288 00:12:13,696 --> 00:12:14,947 The highest scoring defenceman. 289 00:12:14,948 --> 00:12:16,197 - Come on. - What? 290 00:12:16,198 --> 00:12:17,490 You? Yeah. 291 00:12:17,491 --> 00:12:19,033 Well, you better hope there isn't an egg 292 00:12:19,034 --> 00:12:20,826 between you and the net. - Why would there be-- 293 00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,371 He means your shot couldn't break an egg. 294 00:12:22,496 --> 00:12:24,288 Better hope there isn't a house of cards in the way 295 00:12:24,289 --> 00:12:25,541 or the puck's not gettin' through. 296 00:12:25,542 --> 00:12:27,124 - Fuck you, Shoresy. - Better hope there isn't 297 00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:28,627 a little popsicle stick fence 298 00:12:28,752 --> 00:12:30,255 held together by fuckin' paste. 299 00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:32,090 Shut up. 300 00:12:32,215 --> 00:12:35,009 You can't skate. You can't shoot. You're ugly. 301 00:12:35,134 --> 00:12:37,469 And he's so fuckin' awkward. Oh, my God. 302 00:12:37,470 --> 00:12:40,932 But you're lucky, 'cause none of that really matters. 303 00:12:41,057 --> 00:12:44,183 What matters is effort. Work ethic. 304 00:12:44,184 --> 00:12:47,938 So, when you get to camp, what are you going to be? 305 00:12:48,063 --> 00:12:49,523 The hardest worker out there. 306 00:12:49,524 --> 00:12:51,860 That's right, the hardest worker out there. Say it again. 307 00:12:51,985 --> 00:12:53,236 The hardest worker out there. 308 00:12:53,361 --> 00:12:54,861 That's right. Say it again. 309 00:12:54,987 --> 00:12:56,447 The hardest worker out there. 310 00:12:56,573 --> 00:12:57,531 Hell yeah, fuck yeah. 311 00:12:57,656 --> 00:12:58,990 Hell yeah, fuck yeah. 312 00:12:58,991 --> 00:13:00,491 That's what matters. 313 00:13:00,492 --> 00:13:02,661 That's what gets you remembered. You understand? 314 00:13:02,662 --> 00:13:05,039 You think anyone's gonna be thinking about Jack's 315 00:13:05,206 --> 00:13:06,498 big forehead when they see a guy 316 00:13:06,499 --> 00:13:09,126 who will play an entire period if you need him to? 317 00:13:09,251 --> 00:13:11,378 You think anyone's gonna be thinking about Mason's back zits 318 00:13:11,379 --> 00:13:13,590 when they see a guy who's willing to push through 319 00:13:13,755 --> 00:13:15,923 the pain? And hey! 320 00:13:15,924 --> 00:13:18,552 Don't forget where you come from. 321 00:13:18,553 --> 00:13:22,179 You're from the North. You're from Sudbury. 322 00:13:22,180 --> 00:13:24,308 We ain't pretty, and we get dirty. 323 00:13:24,433 --> 00:13:27,395 Make fuckin' sure when they see your number out there, 324 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,898 they see your hometown in the program and they say, 325 00:13:30,063 --> 00:13:32,398 "Bingo. Of course." 326 00:13:32,399 --> 00:13:34,986 You're from the home of the smokestacks. 327 00:13:35,111 --> 00:13:37,322 You're from the home of the mines. 328 00:13:37,447 --> 00:13:39,115 And you're from the home of the Sudbury 329 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,908 Blueberry Bulldogs, bitch. 330 00:13:40,909 --> 00:13:43,452 Represent! Are you ready? 331 00:13:43,577 --> 00:13:45,454 Yeah. - Don't sound like it, b'ys. 332 00:13:45,579 --> 00:13:47,289 Yeah! - Ready to do what it takes? 333 00:13:47,414 --> 00:13:48,750 Yeah! - To be unforgettable? 334 00:13:48,875 --> 00:13:51,084 Yeah! - Yeah? 335 00:13:51,209 --> 00:13:52,878 Yeah! - Get dirty. 336 00:13:52,879 --> 00:13:56,089 Get ugly. Get the job done! 337 00:13:59,135 --> 00:14:01,471 - Here we go. - You're good at this, Shoresy. 338 00:14:01,596 --> 00:14:02,304 You should coach. 339 00:14:02,429 --> 00:14:04,097 Yeah, what are you gonna do, man? 340 00:14:08,226 --> 00:14:09,769 When you don't know where to go... 341 00:14:09,770 --> 00:14:10,938 Go where you're needed. 342 00:14:11,063 --> 00:14:13,398 Go where you're needed. 343 00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:48,351 Right here. Let's go. 344 00:14:48,476 --> 00:14:49,851 Knock, slut. What if I was-- 345 00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:52,354 You never do anything but hockey. It's fine. Shut up. 346 00:14:52,355 --> 00:14:54,899 - Then leave me alone about it. - I'm putting it here. 347 00:14:55,357 --> 00:14:57,526 - Putting what here? - My love. 348 00:15:00,362 --> 00:15:01,446 Why is this so awkward? 349 00:15:01,447 --> 00:15:03,573 You told me to find a place to put my love. 350 00:15:03,699 --> 00:15:05,325 - Yeah. - And so, I'm putting it here. 351 00:15:05,326 --> 00:15:07,284 With the Bulldogs. - Shoresy, I told you, 352 00:15:07,285 --> 00:15:09,496 you're too hurt to play. I-- - To coach! 353 00:15:11,915 --> 00:15:13,000 I think? 354 00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:14,043 Honestly, this is going so bad, 355 00:15:14,168 --> 00:15:15,461 I don't even know anymore. 356 00:15:15,586 --> 00:15:17,129 Came in here with real momentum 357 00:15:17,130 --> 00:15:18,840 and you just kinda squashed it. 358 00:15:18,965 --> 00:15:20,048 It's supposed to be a great moment 359 00:15:20,173 --> 00:15:22,552 and you ruined it. So dumb. 360 00:15:26,472 --> 00:15:27,848 Wait. 361 00:15:29,266 --> 00:15:30,975 Are you sure? - Yeah. 362 00:15:30,976 --> 00:15:32,394 - You're sure? - Yes. 363 00:15:32,395 --> 00:15:34,230 - We're doing this? - Look, I know you're a woman 364 00:15:34,396 --> 00:15:35,564 and everything, but I'm not gonna be 365 00:15:35,689 --> 00:15:38,233 constantly reassuring you. - Shut up! 366 00:15:39,986 --> 00:15:42,864 If you're in, prove it. 367 00:15:44,698 --> 00:15:46,658 I'm Jory Jordan with the Sudbury Kids Sport Report 368 00:15:46,659 --> 00:15:48,201 and we are back with breaking news. 369 00:15:48,202 --> 00:15:49,911 After failing on TV, like everyone knew he would, 370 00:15:49,912 --> 00:15:52,372 number 69 Shore crawls back to the armpit of Ontario 371 00:15:52,497 --> 00:15:54,666 to try the only thing left when you can't do, teach. 372 00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:56,752 Shoresy, with nowhere to go but down, I guess I'm wondering, 373 00:15:56,877 --> 00:15:57,836 what's up? 374 00:15:57,837 --> 00:15:59,504 Was it love of the game that brought you back 375 00:15:59,505 --> 00:16:01,298 or the fact that you have nothing else going for you 376 00:16:01,423 --> 00:16:02,717 personally or professionally? 377 00:16:02,842 --> 00:16:04,509 With the Bulldogs' recent success, many say a coaching 378 00:16:04,510 --> 00:16:06,553 shake-up's as welcome as hemorrhoids at a pool party. 379 00:16:06,678 --> 00:16:08,053 Your thoughts? 380 00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,640 Shifting gears, here, as far as vices go, 381 00:16:09,765 --> 00:16:11,225 what most drew you to chewing tobacco, 382 00:16:11,391 --> 00:16:12,725 the sucking or the spitting? 383 00:16:12,726 --> 00:16:14,436 Many have questioned Nat's decision to hand the team 384 00:16:14,437 --> 00:16:16,563 over to a man with the emotional intelligence of a poopy baby, 385 00:16:16,688 --> 00:16:18,190 and the common sense of a modern liberal. 386 00:16:18,191 --> 00:16:19,942 I'm curious, are you sleeping with her? And if so, 387 00:16:20,068 --> 00:16:21,234 what's that like? 388 00:16:21,235 --> 00:16:22,653 I'm quite serious as it's the only 389 00:16:22,779 --> 00:16:24,572 logical explanation here. Is the sex ten outta ten 390 00:16:24,739 --> 00:16:26,573 as most would assume, or does it eclipse total perfection 391 00:16:26,698 --> 00:16:28,200 like I've been speculating on, for years, 392 00:16:28,201 --> 00:16:30,201 both publicly and privately? 393 00:16:30,202 --> 00:16:32,077 Do you take a full Cialis for something like that, 394 00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:34,206 or can you get by with just a half? 395 00:16:34,207 --> 00:16:35,874 Would you say it was more awkward or disappointing 396 00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:37,959 when she screamed out my name instead of yours? 397 00:16:38,752 --> 00:16:40,211 Some final thoughts here, Shoresy. You've always been 398 00:16:40,212 --> 00:16:41,837 dumb and ugly. At your age, it won't be long until 399 00:16:41,838 --> 00:16:43,673 you're dumb, ugly, and fat. Care to comment? 400 00:16:43,799 --> 00:16:45,258 With sea levels constantly rising, 401 00:16:45,259 --> 00:16:46,468 is it comforting to watch your hairline 402 00:16:46,635 --> 00:16:47,969 constantly receding? Last one here, Shoresy, 403 00:16:47,970 --> 00:16:50,264 and we'll get you on your way. As a man lacking any sort 404 00:16:50,389 --> 00:16:51,849 of real relationship in his life, most would assume 405 00:16:51,974 --> 00:16:53,351 it's because you're stupid. I think it's because 406 00:16:53,476 --> 00:16:55,436 you're boring. Who's right here? 407 00:17:03,151 --> 00:17:04,821 Hey, go Bulldogs! 408 00:17:04,986 --> 00:17:08,783 Where are we goin' drinkin' with the cup tonight, boys? Woo! 409 00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:13,662 So, how does it feel? 410 00:17:15,456 --> 00:17:17,291 Like the itch has been scratched. 411 00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:19,877 It ain't the Bulldogs without you, man. 412 00:17:20,002 --> 00:17:22,419 Can you imagine us playing this season without you being there? 413 00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:24,340 - I'da been there. - In what capacity? 414 00:17:24,465 --> 00:17:25,842 Just pop-in shower with the boys. 415 00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:27,634 When I said find a place to put your love, 416 00:17:27,759 --> 00:17:29,219 I didn't mean literally. - Just have a couple 417 00:17:29,344 --> 00:17:30,928 giggles and go. - Don't fight me so much 418 00:17:30,929 --> 00:17:32,014 next time. 419 00:17:33,265 --> 00:17:35,810 Thanks for helping me get there. 420 00:17:38,353 --> 00:17:41,022 Big night. Blueberry Festival Dance. 421 00:17:41,023 --> 00:17:43,650 Don't worry, we'll behave for ya. 422 00:17:43,775 --> 00:17:46,070 You know, I realized something. 423 00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:47,780 I have been down your throats 424 00:17:47,905 --> 00:17:49,907 all summer about this team's reputation. 425 00:17:50,032 --> 00:17:51,199 - Down our throats? - I know. 426 00:17:51,324 --> 00:17:52,449 - Huh? - I know! 427 00:17:52,450 --> 00:17:54,119 You've been straight up our dumpers. 428 00:17:55,621 --> 00:17:57,997 I thought you were acting like idiots. 429 00:17:57,998 --> 00:17:59,374 Hurting our reputation. 430 00:17:59,499 --> 00:18:01,668 Drinking from the Cup all over Greater Sudbury. 431 00:18:01,669 --> 00:18:04,088 I'm sad I missed the Splash N Go. 432 00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:05,922 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, Bulldogs ♪ 433 00:18:06,047 --> 00:18:07,674 The Beef 'N Bird must've been a highlight. 434 00:18:07,675 --> 00:18:09,633 Porketta Bingo woulda been my first stop. 435 00:18:09,634 --> 00:18:11,636 Looked like good times at Sudbury Kartways. 436 00:18:11,637 --> 00:18:13,848 And right in the middle of Bridge of Nations. 437 00:18:13,973 --> 00:18:15,682 ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ 438 00:18:15,807 --> 00:18:18,852 And you were acting like idiots. 439 00:18:21,272 --> 00:18:23,608 But you were doing what you should be doing. 440 00:18:23,733 --> 00:18:26,026 Sharing it with the community. 441 00:18:27,069 --> 00:18:28,571 That's my Bulldogs. 442 00:18:30,031 --> 00:18:31,448 That's my guys. 443 00:18:34,493 --> 00:18:36,871 I hope they have fun tonight. 444 00:22:45,953 --> 00:22:48,830 So Shoresy, you're gonna coach, eh? 445 00:22:48,831 --> 00:22:50,999 Think you'll be as bad as a coach as you are a ref? 446 00:22:51,124 --> 00:22:53,043 - Time will tell, Cor. - How you gonna motivate 'em? 447 00:22:53,169 --> 00:22:54,836 - Communication is the key. - Oh yeah? 448 00:22:54,961 --> 00:22:57,130 Yeah, it's how I got your mom to start grooming her front bum. 449 00:22:57,255 --> 00:22:59,175 - Fuck you, Shoresy. - Need to get her bathing 450 00:22:59,300 --> 00:23:01,009 routinely. We'll be cookin' with peanut oil. 451 00:23:01,134 --> 00:23:03,970 Oh, my God, Cory, I just love how your mom keeps me guessing. 452 00:23:04,138 --> 00:23:06,598 I never know if it's coke on her nose or donut powder. 453 00:23:06,599 --> 00:23:09,351 - Fuck you, Shoresy. - Hey Cor, just a heads up, 454 00:23:09,476 --> 00:23:11,811 if your mom's pissy, it's 'cause I'm withholding sex 455 00:23:11,812 --> 00:23:14,689 'til she apologizes for ashing her dart in my Gatorade. 456 00:23:14,814 --> 00:23:17,066 Tell your mom to leave me out of her relationship drama, 457 00:23:17,192 --> 00:23:19,152 Liam, it's none of my business your dad's gay 458 00:23:19,277 --> 00:23:20,695 as three dudes on a Sea-Doo. 459 00:23:20,696 --> 00:23:22,614 Fuckin' wish she was more like your mom, Cor. 460 00:23:22,739 --> 00:23:24,948 She makes me feel young again when I'm shoes on, 461 00:23:24,949 --> 00:23:27,159 rabbit fuckin' her in an unfinished basement. 462 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,205 Your mom says I nag too much. I just want her to brush 463 00:23:29,330 --> 00:23:31,457 her teeth before bed. Like, is that too much to ask? 464 00:23:31,582 --> 00:23:34,709 Fuck you, Liam, every time your mom's dog smells my crotch 465 00:23:34,834 --> 00:23:37,794 I'm like, "Oh, you must smell Cory's mom." 466 00:23:37,795 --> 00:23:40,216 - Fuck you, Shoresy. - Your mom's no better, Cor. 467 00:23:40,341 --> 00:23:41,549 Her underwear is so poopy, 468 00:23:41,550 --> 00:23:42,927 she could grow mushrooms in there. 469 00:23:43,052 --> 00:23:44,844 - Fuck you, Shoresy. - Fuck you, Cory. 470 00:23:44,969 --> 00:23:47,014 I know your mom has separation anxiety, 471 00:23:47,139 --> 00:23:49,806 but she's gotta stop FaceTiming me from the toilet. 472 00:23:49,807 --> 00:23:51,810 - Fuck you, Shoresy. - Fuck you, Liam. 473 00:23:51,936 --> 00:23:54,772 Your mom sent me video of her ripping a three-octave fart. 474 00:23:54,897 --> 00:23:57,358 I laughed so hard I almost fell outta Cory's mom's bed. 475 00:23:57,483 --> 00:23:59,609 Fuck you! 476 00:25:12,474 --> 00:25:14,267 difuze