Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries!
Blueberry pie? My, oh my.
Blueberry tart? That's the way
to me heart. Blueberry jam?
We'll take all we can cram.
Had your fill of blueberries?
Then come celebrate the end of summer
at the Blueberry Festival Dance.
Where ya might just see a Blueberry Bulldog.
- Or two. - Or three.
Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!
Next Saturday in downtown Sudbury.
- At the Refettorio. - Come join us for a Puppers.
Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries.
- Hmm. - That was...
You guys have done this so many times.
How's it still that bad?
We've never done one for radio, idiot.
Know how much worse his voice is gonna sound
when you don't have his dumb face to distract you from it?
How do you want us to do it, b'y?
Good. - With energy.
- Excitement. - It's gotta make people
wanna go to the dance. Happy.
Go!
So, yeah, so...
Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries!
Blueberry pie? My, oh my.
- Blueberry tart? - That's the way to me heart.
Blueberry jam?
We'll take all we can cram.
Had your fill-- Stop.
That's embarrassing. Then you do it.
- Really? - No, I'm lying.
We'll just continue to be satisfactory.
You just continue to be twats.
It would speed things up a bit.
Yeah, let's go fuckin' tubing.
Done. Here's a little hint.
Smile all the way through it.
The radio audience might not be able to see it,
but they will hear it in your voice.
Ready, ladies?
Ready.
Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries.
- Blueberry pie? - My, oh my.
- Blueberry tart? - That's the way to my heart.
Blueberry jam?
We'll take all we can cram.
Had your fill of blueberries?
Then come celebrate the end of summer
at the Blueberry Festival Dance,
where you might just see a Blueberry Bulldog.
- Or two! - Or three.
Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!
Next Saturday in downtown Sudbury.
- And the Refettorio. - Come join us for a Puppers.
Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries.
- Are you guys all right? - Try it like that.
- Like what? - Big smiles! Let's see 'em.
Go!
Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries!
More excitement.
Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries!
- That was even worse. - Well, it's hard to fuckin'
talk when I'm smiling so big.
- Let's switch up the lines? - Goody, try it.
Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries.
That was worse than Shoresy's worst one.
- Dolo. - Blueberries,
blueberries, blueberries!
- Hmm, better? - Does not make me
wanna go to the dance. - Hitch?
Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries!
- Much better! - Still bad.
Well then, you fuckin' do it.
We're not the Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs.
Neither am I!
So dumb.
Let's just compile all the bads from the start
to the end and maybe we'll have a good one.
That's an idea. - All right,
say the blueberry part at the start and end together.
Guys! The Blueberry Festival has done a lot for us
over the years. They've given us a ton of dough
and a ton of support.
Hockey players give back.
This is the least we can do for them.
Probably the last thing you'll do for them, Shoresy.
Once more. Last time, everything you've got.
For me?
And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three.
Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries!
- Blueberry pie? - My, oh my!
- Blueberry tart? - That's the way to me heart!
Blueberry jam?
We'll take all we can cram.
Had your fill of blueberries?
Then come celebrate the end of summer
at the Blueberry Festival Dance.
Where you might just see a Blueberry Bulldog.
- Or two. - Or three!
Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!
Next Saturday in downtown Sudbury.
- At the Refettorio. - Come join us for a Puppers.
Blueberries, blueberries, blueberries!
Thank you.
♪ I never knew how complete love could be ♪
♪ 'Til she kissed me and said ♪
♪ Baby, please, go all the way ♪
♪ It feels so right ♪
♪ Feels so right ♪
♪ Being with you here tonight ♪
♪ Please, go all the way ♪
♪ Just hold me close ♪
♪ Hold me close ♪
♪ Don't ever let me go ♪
♪ I couldn't say what I wanted to say ♪
♪ 'Til she whispered, I love you ♪
♪ So, please, go all the way ♪
♪ It feels so right ♪
♪ Feels so right ♪
♪ Being with you here tonight ♪
♪ Please, go all the way ♪
Jim. - No.
And Jim. - Come on.
- And Jim. - And Jim?
- All three tattlers. - The Jims are squealers.
- Why'd they rat? - Don't know.
But they went straight to Pam,
Britt, and Melodie, and squealed about the hockey moms.
- They're not their girlfriends. - But bet they don't want
'em bangin' someone else. - Pretty sure they're all
banging someone else. - What do we do?
Nothing. Hockey players have a way of dealing
with this stuff.
Let's everybody listen up here, now.
Today's kangaroo court is now in session.
Judge Michaels will be presiding over today's... presidings.
- Proceedings. - Proceedings.
Order in the kangaroo court.
Michaels, what's that?
- Oh, fuck you, Shoresy. - Order in the court.
Gah!
This is the people versus Jim, Jim, and Jim.
Shoresy, you'll be representing Jim, Jim, and also Jim.
The prosecution will be self-represented.
We'll go to them for opening statements.
Well, the b'ys banged the Blueberry Buddy moms.
Truth be told, we'd probably like to bang 'em again. Eh, b'y?
- Eh, me son? - Moms are unbelievable.
Now, the Jims seen the b'ys bangin' the moms
and tattled to some of the other girls
the b'ys also sometimes bangs.
And Lard Jeezus, I never seen anything so bad as that.
Does the defence have an opening statement?
Well, yeah, you fuckin' idiot.
Okay, well it's formal to ask. Geez.
- Fuckin' idiot. - Okay, last time I ask. Wow.
All right, yeah, the Jims may be tattlers.
Bold move with the admission of guilt off the top, Shoresy.
Well, they might be tattlers,
but they're not fibbers. Eh, Jim?
- Yeah. - Jim?
- Yes. - Jim?
I saw a black bear the other day.
Pretty crazy. - Now, what's really important
here, I think,
is the events that took place on the afternoon of July 9th.
Events that may stay with my clients
for the rest of their lives.
Events that, frankly,
I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy.
- What is it? - The defence rests.
Lawyers, witnesses, testimony.
- The whole bit. - I just can't picture it.
Kangaroo court has been around forever
in the hockey world.
These guys aren't as boring as they appear.
Prosecution may call the first witness.
- Jim. - Yeah.
Objection, speculation.
He already admitted it.
You win this round, Goody.
Yeah.
You big-timed us on the boat.
The prosecution rests.
The defence may cross-examine--
Shut the fuck up, Michaels. Jim...
Would you say getting big-timed on a boat was,
if not the worst thing that's ever happened to you
in your life, top three? - Yeah.
Michaels, as you can see,
my client's too emotional to go on.
- He's fine. - No, he isn't.
- Yes, he is. - No, he isn't.
- Looks fine to me. - Well, he isn't.
Guys, let's not bicker, all right?
Bicker? You're so fuckin' annoying.
- Well, what? - You are so fuckin' irritating.
Shoresy, okay. Thank you, Jim.
Prosecution may call their next witness.
The prosecution calls...
Now Jim, what's say the b'ys don't remember
big-timing ya on the boat. Wah!
Recount the events of that day, please.
Well, lots of people wanted to go on the boat,
which we understood, because boatin's a real hoot.
We waited our turn, which was a big part of the afternoon,
and Jim got sunburnt.
Hey, Jim, did you get sunburnt?
- Yeah. - Overruled. Proceed, Jim.
We were told it was our time to go boatin'
but then a bunch of broads got in the boat
and they boated off with them instead.
They said they'd come back for us but--
- Prosecution rests. - Hey, Jim,
when the boys big-timed ya on a boat,
left ya standin' there on the dock, sunburnt,
took off with broads instead,
they said they'd come back for ya.
Objection. Leading the witness.
- I'm not leading the witness. - Overruled.
What are you talking about? I'm not leading
the witness at all. So dumb.
Now Jim,
the boys said they'd come back for ya.
Did they? - No.
The defence rests.
Prosecution may call their next witness.
Prosecution would like to call that Jim.
Jim. - What's up, Goody?
What's goin' on, buddy? - On the afternoon you avenge
we big-timed you. - Did he just say avenge?
- Allege, me son. - Allege?
Oh, my God. - That's it, old man.
- So dumb. - On the afternoon
you allege we big-timed you,
Jim said we were on a boat with broads.
Without PFD's.
No one was wearing life jackets.
- Objection, relevance. - Okay, no, seriously,
it's stupidity. And you're all guilty.
- Not relevant, old man. - Here just, Goody, continue.
If it were you guys out on a boat with broads,
you think we'd tell the broads you were bangin'?
Objection, those aren't even the broads we're talkin' about.
The Jims tattled about other broads.
Jim, answer the question.
If it was us out on a boat, we wouldn't big-time the boys.
Defence rests.
- You're the prosecution, Goody. - You're a nerd, Michaels.
Jim, tell me somethin'.
Were the broads even good-lookin'?
- Yes. - Oh, yeah?
What about the moms you tattled about?
- Really good-looking. - Okay.
You guys wanna...
you guys wanna pull up some IG's here or...?
- Can we do this later? - No problem.
- Goody. - Jim is on the stand, Shoresy.
- I'll allow it. - How do you like your odds of...
gettin' a couple of 'em in bed together
at the same time? - Okay, this is irrelevant.
Can we continue? - No problem.
There's an impossible amount of good-looking girls
in Sudbury, b'ys. - There is.
Really good-looking.
Really, really good-looking.
Maria Mercier. - Pick of the crop, boys.
Idea for you, Jackie, go ask a rocket 23-year-old
who doesn't even know who you are if she wants
a lick of your cone. - Worst ice breaker ever.
But an ice breaker, no less.
She's as hot as you are ugly, bud.
I find you utterly fetching, old friend.
Or just keep staring at her from across the street.
That's not weird at all. - But you are five years
her junior, Jackson. - Should see if she'll
buy us a six-banger.
Not being legal drinking age,
you'd be breaking the law if you even want
to go sit beside her currently. I think that is--
- That's the dagger. - I was gonna say Shakespearean.
See if she'll buy us some Pink Whitney.
- Who's got a lip dinger? - Just a big lip boomer.
♪ It's more than just a crush ♪
♪ Might even be too much ♪
♪ It's all that I can do ♪
♪ Not to drop it all for you ♪
♪ It's more than just a crush ♪
♪ I long to be enough ♪
♪ To be enough for you ♪
♪ But it never comes across ♪
♪ It's more than just a crush ♪
♪ And it's crushing me ♪
Order in the kangaroo court!
Do you have any further questions--
Michaels, I really gotta piss here, so let's wrap this up.
All right, the Jims tattled 'cause the boys big-timed them
on a boat. What's the plea here, Michaels?
The verdict? - I dunno.
Okay well, before I get to the verdict, guys,
boating without a life jacket, I mean,
it's just actually stupid. - Shut up!
Michaels, get to the point where... - No, it really is.
...you stop talking or I'm going to hold my breath until I die.
Fine. God, man.
Look, as someone who gets big-timed pretty regularly
in life, I understand it doesn't feel good.
- Fuckin' loser. - But tattling to girlfriends?
Objection! They're not our girlfriends.
You can't object me, all right?
- Quit crying, Hitch. - Look, I'm the judge.
I'm just sayin'.
More like fuckin' Ted Bitchcock.
Look, Jims, though I'm sympathetic
to you guys getting big-timed, especially on a boat,
getting big-timed is not grounds to do what you did.
So, the court orders you to make this right.
- How do they do that? Huh? - Shoresy, you said that
in your opening statement, the Jims are tattlers,
but they're not fibbers. - Really gotta piss here,
Michaels. - The court orders you
to go to Pam, Britt, and Melodie
and uh, well, fib a little.
- There ya go. - Yeah.
Ah, fuck! Fuck you, Shoresy!
Fuckin' hell, man.
So, that's one down. What's next?
A real break, remember?
Weird Sudbury. A deal's a deal.
Meeting with our contact shortly.
And who is our contact exactly?
The hottest bitch you've ever seen.
Really? - And the second hottest.
Third hottest, fourth, fifth, sixth.
And so on, and so forth.
They'll all be at the prospects party
for Weird Sudbury. - How weird are we talking?
- Good and weird. - People have no idea
how freaky it gets in these Northern Ontario towns.
- Who ya bringin'? - Miig.
- Hmm. Nat? - No.
- Shitty. 'kay. - Dolo.
- Uh-huh. - Goody.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - Hitch.
- Shoresy. - If you must.
- And Michaels. - No.
- No Michaels? - No.
No to any of my exes.
I can't have any fun
if Michaels is there. Well, I mean, I could.
I would. I will.
But I don't wanna look at his stupid, fuckin' face
while I'm having it. - I'll run it up the chain.
Perfect. That's it, babe.
Do well at the prospects party and you are in to Weird Sudbury.
Northern Ontario's "it" party.
Starts at 7pm and you can't leave 'til 7am.
If you're late, you're cut.
Oh, and um... wear something provocative.
What does provocative mean?
Huh?
You don't know what it means?
I'll ask the questions here.
I kinda know what it means.
Yeah, well, this party's gonna be so sick.
It's gonna be so fuckin' sick, dude. It's gonna be so sick.
Fuckin' so sick. Well, it's just like,
when I hear, "wear something provocative"
I don't think of dressing like fuckin' Matrix Revolutions.
Yeah, like when I hear, "wear something provocative"
I don't think of dressing like fuckin' Wesley Snipes,
Vampire Slayer.
No, I think you look great.
I think you look so cool.
It's just that when I hear, "wear something provocative"
I don't think of dressing like fuckin' Morpheus.
What're ya at, b'ys?
- Look at him. - Okay.
You think that's provocative?
I don't know what that looks like.
Well, it looks like fuckin' Spike TV.
- Why you so mad, b'y? - I'm not mad.
Just sayin', I'm listenin' from the other room
and I'm thinkin' someone's mad out here
by the jackal or Jeezus. - I'm not mad.
I'm not mad.
It's just I don't know if that's what they mean
by provocative.
- Maybe it is. - What are you gonna wear? Huh?
I almost don't wanna show ya, b'y.
- Well, fuckin' go put it on. - Well, don't be so critical.
Fuckin', just, give your balls a tug.
Just sayin', don't be so critical.
Whatever. This party's gonna be so sick, dude.
This party's gonna be so fuckin' sick.
What it do, what it mo' fuckin' does.
Where's Goody?
See, now that's provocative. - Right?
- That's provocative. - Come get it.
- What's happenin'? - But it might be,
it's a little... - What?
- It's a bit gay. - Is it?
Yeah. Yeah, like I think that if there was a gay dude
here he'd look at you and say, "That's one of my guys."
And that's fine.
Well, I see you're both wearing leather, big boy.
Well, the difference is that you look like
you're in Resident Evil, and he looks like
he's a fuckin' Village Peop-- Person.
For sure, you're gonna think that about me, too.
What do you think about that, Goody?
- Of what? - What do you think about
him wearing that? - I don't care.
Well, you should.
- They said dress provocative. - Well, what is that? Huh?
This is provocative, me son!
I don't think you know what provocative means.
I don't think you knows what it means.
- I kinda know what it means. - What do it mean?
It means like, daring.
- Daring? - Yeah, like sexy, like daring.
You don't know what provocative means, me son.
What does it mean?
- What does it mean? - It means that.
You dig?
Someone's definitely gonna.
Money, honey.
You have something like that?
Hmm, something like that, yeah.
- Let's get you dressed. - Uh-uh.
Come on!
You want me to take a break,
then you try to drag me out when I take one?
You comin' or goin'? - Well played.
A lot is riding on this.
Do you think that this is provocative enough?
- It's the very definition. - Which is?
"Provocative." "Arousing sexual desire
or interest, especially deliberately."
Could you use it in a sentence, old man?
"He gave her a provocative side long glance."
What do you think that looks like, Goody?
Oh yeah, that'll get 'em fired up.
You'll have broads from fuckin' Algonquin
to Ipperwash come runnin'.
Broads from fuckin' Anishinabek to Attawapiskat.
- But what's all this, old man? Read. - What? Huh?
Read, the definition right below it, provocative.
"Causing annoyance, anger, or another strong reaction,
especially deliberately." There's two definitions.
- Oh... - There's two definitions
of provocative. That clears things up.
That's the definition I read, b'ys.
Okay, so that's why you're dressed like
a Indigenous Canadian. - Attaboy.
It's the first definition I seen
when I looked it up on the internet.
All right, whereas it's the second definition
on this website. - I thinks I only kinda
looks like an Indigenous Canadian.
Whatever the case,
I think we're a bit of a dog's breakfast
with our outfits currently. - Just a wee bit.
We're all over the place, b'ys.
Yeah, if maybe we just try to maybe coordinate?
What are you wearing?
That.
You think?
Money, honey.
I almost wish I was going now.
- You can. - Shut up.
Hot fire. Hot, hot, hot.
- Who is going? - Well, us, Shoresy,
Dolo, Hitch, and Goody. - Michaels?
- Mm-mm. - Why?
Mercedes said she can't have fun with her ex there.
- What? - I know.
Didn't stop her from having fun
when they were together. - These are her terms.
He know that? No way!
- Way! - Sharp.
I know.
Fuckin' put on this suit,
just start gettin' DM's from tens.
I'd buy that for a buck.
Had to MeToo like 20 broads
since I put it on, they're so inappropriate
with their advances.
D'you get that at Reg Wilkinson's
Men's Wear? - Got it from BROdude.
Something good came outta that.
- Yep. - This is the look for the b'ys.
- That's the ticket. - Hell yeah. Fuck yeah.
We can get 'em down at Reg Wilkinson's.
All right, well go grab Michaels and get it done.
Mass casualty event tonight, boys.
Gettin' all the puss in Sudbury in this bitch.
Tit fucker!
Yeah, Michaels is not comin' to the party, old man.
It's just the b'ys. - Michaels is goin'
to the party. - Nah, bro.
What do you mean, Michaels can't go to the party?
- He can't go. - Huh?
He ain't comin' to the party, old man.
Michaels can go to the party.
Michaels can't go to the party.
What do you mean, Michaels can't go
to the party? Huh? - He's not, he's not invited.
Mercedes is our hook-up here, and she doesn't want him there.
- Who's Mercedes? - His ex.
- What a-- - Cunty move, for sure,
but we said we'd get you into Weird Sudbury,
and a deal's a deal.
These are her terms.
What do you care if he's not going with you guys?
You hate Michaels. - Hate's a strong word,
but it's the right one.
Well, he drives you mental at the very least.
He's driving me the most mental of all time
right now, I think. - So, what's going on?
I dunno.
I do.
This is life after being a hockey player.
You're figuring out who you are.
Oh, I know, Nat. I'm just feeling so lost
in this world. I'm just feeling so wayward.
Make fun all you want.
It is very out of character for you to care.
Just 'cause I don't know if I wanna go?
When you don't know where to go, go where you're needed.
That's a good one.
It's Weird Sudbury.
This is what it's all for. This party is the whole point.
And yet, here you are, unable to move forward
because one of your soldiers is left behind?
You're shifting.
- To what? - To--
Huh?
To a different kind of leader.
Put it on the ground.
I'm, I'm touched, Shoresy. I mean...
You're a good teammate. - All right.
- Like, great teammate. - Okay.
No, you're a good human being, man.
I'm not skipping the party because of you.
- What? - Not just because of you.
There's other reasons, too. - Oh man, I know, I know.
If it was just because of you, I'd still be going.
I understand.
What's the reason? - It doesn't matter.
- I wanna know. - Never mind.
- Shoresy! - It doesn't matter, Michaels.
It does matter, because if the guys are walkin'
into some shit, I wanna fuckin' know.
Everyone's gay.
- At the party? - Yeah, yeah.
I heard it's all gay stuff. - Everyone?
Yes. Fuckin' walk in, the door guy's bangin' a dude.
- No. - Fuckin' bouncer gives you
a pat down, he's got a hard on.
Well, it's a sex party. I mean, I'm sure that there's
gays, bisexuals, and otherwise.
But I mean, it doesn't mean that everyone is gay.
Yeah, the coat-check girl gives you a ticket
with one hand. She's blastin' some chick with the other.
How have we never heard of this before?
I'm not saying don't go to a sex party
where everyone's gay, I just don't think I'm gonna.
And you got this from a reliable source?
Don't make a big deal of it. All the gay sex everywhere.
I just think I'm gonna do something else.
It's not that I don't trust your source, per se,
it just doesn't pass the smell test.
Fuck, did the boys look good.
- Yeah? - Just handsome as all hell.
Well, good for the boys.
But that's as gay as I'm getting.
It's just strange that we haven't heard
of any of this before. - It's to each his or her own.
And more power to ya. I just...
think I'm gonna do something else, and that's fine.
Huh. Still, it's the party of the summer.
You sure that's what goes down?
Let's fuckin' go! Forty with the humidex, boys.
Into the rink for a skate.
The coach is gonna hear your grumbling, Mason.
- What an idiot. - Such a loser.
What lake is Maria Mercier bombin' around on
in a bikini today, Jackie? Ramsay? Nepahwin?
- Wahnapitei. - Didn't get the invite, eh?
Probably just forgot to press send on the text.
I do it all the time. - Almost every day, big Jack.
Then tell your moms to quit complaining when I do it.
Probably bombin' around with seven or eight nines
while you're getting bag skated, Jackie boy.
- Should give her a FaceTime. - Oh, okay.
- Got her number, right? - Get her to FaceTime
from the boat. See what goes down.
Here's what goes down.
The mission of the prospects party is to establish
who can hang out with the weird and who can look
fuckin' hot doing it. So, get involved.
Weird Sudbury is not for the passive.
You will see a couple people in gowns and masks.
They are the jury. Everybody else is a prospect.
If you wanna come to Weird Sudbury,
then show the jury what you've got tonight.
7pm to 7am, and if you can't make it
to the finish line then, bye.
by Art d'Ecco)
♪ Backwards thinking, forward speaking ♪
♪ Tongue-tied afternoon ♪
♪ Send a letter to a girl ♪
♪ you met in the USA ♪
♪ Time is a trip you watch the wick burn ♪
♪ closer to the bottom ♪
♪ Crash through a window swallowing mosquitoes ♪
♪ Touch and go, it never ends ♪
♪ Dark days, revisit, go back ♪
♪ Blonde, tall, single, dressed up to mingle ♪
♪ Stutter talk, laissez faire ♪
♪ Darkness days on open display ♪
♪ Catch a movie and go for a ride ♪
♪ Your driving's crazy, you're just crazy ♪
♪ No, no, no, no thanks, man ♪
♪ Hopeless phase, unopened malaise ♪
♪ Circle back, stay for a while ♪
♪ Dark days, revisit, go back ♪
♪ Dark days, revisit, take a look ♪
♪ Everyone's breaking up ♪
♪ The darkest days comfort you ♪
♪ Everyone's breaking up ♪
♪ Saturday, Monday too ♪
♪ Everyone's breaking up ♪
♪ The darkest days comfort you ♪
♪ Everyone's breaking up ♪
♪ The darkest days comfort you ♪
We'd like to apologize.
- Really? - Yeah.
- We made it up. - Why?
Sometimes in life, we feel the need to tear down others
in order to build ourselves up.
That's both selfish and wrong.
And we're sorry we did it.
Why are you trying to build yourselves up?
difuze