[social worker] We have a new member of the group.
She was diagnosed as stage four a month ago.
This is Molly, and I warned her
that the stage four group is kind of a wild bunch.
Is there anything you wanted to discuss with the group?
So, I actually was wondering if anyone had any tips
for how to keep dating and having sex?
I left my husband when I found out I was stage four,
and I've been having sex.
And I actually thought the sex would be better,
but I'm starting to worry it might just be me.
I guess I was wondering if anyone knows
how to tell a stranger you just met on the internet how to make you come?
Um...
Maybe you're with the wrong man.
Come here. You look beautiful.
[Molly] Who's this group? Do they have fun cancer?
Early stagers. Stage one, two and three.
They don't wanna see us. We're scary, like ghosts.
Ooh.
[group leader] Cookies are reserved for amazing women only.
So everyone.
[Molly] They look so happy. Oh, she's getting laid.
Fuck it.
[patient 1] Boom. Instant serotonin.
[group cheering, clapping]
- Hey. - [group leader] Yes!
That mind-body connection is real.
That stress and pain that we carry around from our childhood,
that's what cancer feeds off of.
A positive attitude can help fight cancer.
[patient 2] Yes!
[Molly] Yes. I need to be happier, more positive.
That's how I'm gonna start having really good sex.
I need to be one of those fully realized women who has sex while wearing jewelry.
Long, dangly earrings.
I wanna be so emotionally stable that I make eye contact
every moment a man is inside me.
Like, even during doggy style.
I feel like I'm just gonna surround myself
- with light and joy and positivity. - Mmm. Yes.
- Like, I feel good. - Mm-hmm.
But you lied to a cancer support group.
- No. - Yes.
I just didn't tell them everything.
[phone vibrates]
It's been a good first month. I feel healthy, and I'm having sex,
- which is what I wanted. - Yeah. Yes. But you're not having orgasms.
Oh, no, I am. I just do, like, a little buzz buzz after they leave.
- Uh-huh. - I take my orgasm to go.
Like a come doggie bag. Using a vibrator.
[singsongy] Yes.
But seriously, you never had an orgasm with Steve? For ten years?
- No. No, like, I would get close. - Mm-hmm.
Like, you know when it feels like a little sneeze?
Like... [imitates sneeze]
- I don't... I'm not sure... - [imitates sneeze]
- No? - No, I haven't felt that.
[chitters]
- I'd like to try that. Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.
- No. - Oh, my God. I can't with you.
You can just, like, always come from sex.
I like a good old-fashioned dick in vagina.
- I'm a real Penetration Patty. - [sighs]
[sighs] I just can't. Like, every time I get close,
it's like somebody throws a blanket on my brain and the light goes out.
And then I'm just, like, not there.
[footsteps approaching]
- Okay, Molly. - Here we go.
[Nikki] Are you walking weird?
No. Stop watching me walk.
I know how you walk, and that is not how you walk.
Now I am walking weird because you're watching me.
No, I'm not. I don't care how you walk. Oh, my God. Get over yourself.
- Okay, so-- - She's walking weird.
- [Nikki] Hi. - What? No, I'm... I'm doing great.
Okay. I-I don't know what "walking weird" means.
It means I've seen her walk before, and now she's walking different.
Well, any other symptoms that have come up?
Um, yes. Insomnia, hot flashes
and vaginal dryness during intercourse.
[Molly] I am, yes.
[in Scottish accent] A wee bit dry. [chuckles]
A wee bit dry in my vagina.
Oh, my God. Did I just pretend my vagina has a Scottish accent?
Okay, Sonya, you wanna take this?
- It's a mental health issue. - Yeah.
How is having a dry vagina a mental health issue?
Well, it's be-- You know, women, you know...
Emotional feelings.
It's so common. I have some really fun lube options that I can offer you.
Would you like some? Slick, slick, slick.
Yes, yes, yes.
[Dr. Pankowitz chuckles]
Check, please. Waiter, get me out of here.
Moving on.
Okay, so we're going into full attack mode.
Your numbers are holding on leuprolide and letrozole,
so I'm gonna add Ribociclib.
And I am supposed to have a licensed clinical social worker check in
to see if you are mentally fit,
because palliative care is just such an important part of our team. Huh?
And I... I believe that.
Okay, but just so that you have all the information,
this combination of medicine can really cause your mood to change.
Feelings can become amplified.
[Molly] This is it. It's gonna happen tonight.
You know, I almost never take elevators 'cause I'm trying to bulk up my calves.
[groans] This fucking guy.
[elevator dings, doors open]
Stay positive. Focus on your date.
He's 25, he smells like bar soap.
You're both wearing cool jackets.
What is that taco? Why does it smell so bad?
Hi, I'm Molly. I moved in across from you last month.
I wrote you a note about eating food in the elevator. Did you get it?
I did.
'Cause I would just really love to keep our shared spaces clean.
It just really helps me to... Mentally.
Joy and light. Joy and light.
Fucking joy and fucking--
[console chimes]
[loud TV sounds]
I'm sorry. My neighbor plays video games.
It's cool. It's like we're making out in a battlefield.
Uh, sort of.
I like to keep my bra on.
You're amazing.
I am amazing and you're amazing,
and I'm a fully-realized, emotionally-stable woman.
And you don't have any hair on your balls, and let's fuck.
Can I touch you?
Okay, it doesn't have to be weird. Make it sexy.
Is that hand sanitizer?
Oh, no, it's lube. Okay. It's a lot. Do we need all that?
- Yes. - Okay.
Talk to me. Tell me what you like. Tell me what you want.
Stay connected. Eye contact. Like a normal--
[high-pitched ringing]
[ringing fades]
I don't know. What do-- What do you like?
Um, clasp my balls?
I can clasp your balls.
Uh, um, clasp.
Am I tugging down, or, like, a loose handshake with your balls?
Clasp.
- Clasp. - No.
- Clasp? - Clasp?
[shower running]
[running stops]
[gasps] Oh.
I'm sorry, I know you, right? I know you, right?
Yeah. You live here? I shower here.
- I knew you from the shower. - That's right. That's how we met.
I'm sorry we haven't been having a lot of sex.
I just... I feel like I always smell like the hospital.
I'm just worried about you.
That's all. Like, are you really okay?
I can't actually talk about it. Let's just have sex.
- Oh. Oh. Oh, wow. Oh, gosh. - I know, babe.
[Nikki] You're just...
- You're dressed so slutty. Sorry. - Okay, I'm--
- Hold on. I actually wanna talk about it. - No.
- Like, we don't have to have sex. - Yes. Mm-hmm. Yes, we do.
- Okay. Okay. - Yes, we do.
Hello. This is Patricia. Thank you for holding.
Please provide your case number.
- What the fuck? - I'm...
I'm on hold with Molly's insurance company.
- Hello? Can I help you? - This whole time?
It usually takes 45 minutes. Wait. Hold on.
- Is someone there? - I'm here, ma'am.
Can you just rub your dick until I'm done? It won't take that long. Or I can rub it.
I can rub it while I do this.
Excuse me? Is this a prank call? Are you a prankster?
I'm not a prankster, okay? I'm talking to my boyfriend. Just grow up.
Ma'am.
- I'll finish in the bathroom. It's okay. - Please don't--
I love you. Okay. Bye.
- Hello. Case number "J8329390YM." - Hello.
- Do you mind clasping... - Fuck.
No, that's the taint. Come on, get your shit together.
Uh, clasp.
- No. Clasp. - Do you mean cup?
No, clasp.
What if I push them inside you and move you around like a puppet?
Why don't we get the vacuum cleaner and suck your balls up into it?
Why don't I sit on them or kick them?
That's hot. I'd kick you in the fucking balls.
- Clasp. - My shoulder hurts.
- Can you stop saying "clasp"? - Well...
you're not saying anything. Tell me what you want.
Tell me what feels good.
I told you, I don't know.
How do you not know what feels good?
I'm sorry. It's just, the people I have sex with,
they tell me what they like and what feels good.
Especially older women, and that's one of the reasons why I--
Leave.
[sighs] I'm sorry. I just wanted you to cla...
[vibrator vibrating]
[panting, grunting]
[neighbor moaning]
[moaning continues]
[vibrator stops]
What's happening? He's jerking off 'cause I'm jerking off?
That's basically a crime.
[neighbor, moaning continues]
[vibrator starts]
Oh, no.
He hates me. He hates himself.
And he's probably got guacamole on his hands.
[Molly, moaning intensifies]
[console chimes]
[videogame sounds]
[vibrator stops]
It was a mistake.
A mistake orgasm?
What is a mistake orgasm?
He's disgusting. He wanted me to hear him jerking off.
Totally. And you were also jerking off.
I came so hard I think I pulled a stomach muscle.
That's... That's beside the point.
How did it make you feel afterwards? That's the main question.
Did you feel good?
It was like a full marching band in my pants.
It was a mistake.
Okay, I'm ready.
Let's take intense mood-altering drugs that may or may not turn my poop black.
Let's enjoy it.
Yeah.
Find your joy!
Yeah!
Fuck, yeah!
We're literally not even on step one.
[crying] I hate it.
It's not even a coffee table.
It doesn't bring the space together.
Course you're awake too, you sad fuck.
What are you wearing? Your little basketball shorts.
I can see the hair poking out from the hole in your T-shirt.
Bet you shed like a dog. I hate everything about you.
There's trash on the floor.
Look!
You think you can just make a mess and expect that other people will clean it up?
Yeah.
Pick it up.
Oh, my God. You're doing what I say.
Now say, "I'm disgusting."
I'm disgusting.
Say it again.
I'm disgusting.
[door opens]
[door closes]
- [neighbor moaning] - [vibrator starts]
- Oh, stop it! - [vibrator stops]
[moaning stops]
Stop it.
[neighbor] Please. Please can I come?
No!
You were strong.
I know. I know, I know. Listen, my friend has cancer and I'm taking care of her.
I swear, like, when I don't have anywhere to be, the appointment does start on time,
and when I do have somewhere to be, it takes hours.
And I can't complain to her because she is terminally ill,
which is worse than being late for rehearsal, I feel like. Right?
Your performance today is...
Is that... Would that be a dead bird?
Yeah. I get it.
Please don't fire me.
[chuckles]
Oh, I'm feeling these drugs.
I don't think anyone can tell. I think I look normal.
I thought we could all talk a little about our cancer journeys.
- When I started my cancer journey... - [Molly chuckling]
Sorry.
I just...
When you say "cancer journey" it just... I'm sorry.
It just makes it sound like it's a really fun trip.
No.
Why don't you speak to your journey?
I got cancer, and then it was gone for two years.
And then it came back as stage four.
Shit.
Sorry. I didn't tell you guys I'm stage four
'cause I wanted to be in this group.
Anyway, the whole time that I thought that I was healthy, my body was just like...
like, waiting to give me more cancer. [chuckles]
Uh, that's my cancer journey.
Molly, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the group.
- What? - What's happening to you
is their worst fear.
Mine too.
What if we've gone through all this, and the cancer comes back?
Hey.
Joy and light. Fucking joy and fucking light.
[Molly groans]
Pick up your fucking trash!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Are you gonna go back inside and jerk off to this?
Yeah.
Let me watch.
- [door closes] - Take off your clothes.
- Why do you have this? - I work in city government for 311.
Touch your dick.
- Can I get some lotion? - You do what I say.
Okay.
Yeah, you should get some lotion.
What else should I do?
You like this?
- Yeah. I like it. - Did I say you can fucking talk?
Is this your dad?
How did such an attractive man produce such a sack of shit like you?
That's not my dad. That's Bill de Blasio.
Is his dick as boring as yours?
More.
You like it when I talk about your little medium-sized dick?
Look at the way you're jerking off. Your pinky is out.
You think your dick is fancy? That sucks.
I hate that. I want to hit you and kick you in the dick and destroy you.
Do it. Do it. Kick me.
Do it. Kick me in the dick.
Please.
[screams] Shit!
[neighbor] Oh, God. [groans]
[Molly groans]
What... Are you okay?
Is that part of this?
[Molly screams]
She's on her first line of treatment with leuprolide, letrozole,
- and she just started Ribociclib-- - We gave her morphine.
It's not fucking working!
- I don't think it's working. - The hormones she's on
- can amplify what she's already feeling. - Oh, really? That's so interesting!
Fucking bastard! Get me a fucking doctor!
- I am a doctor. - Then why are you so young?
I don't want this virgin on my cancer journey!
- She doesn't mean that. - I do! I really do!
- She does mean that. - I'm gonna page palliative care.
Excuse... I'm...
I don't know what to do right now. I don't know how to help you.
- Help me! - Okay.
Can I get another doctor? Do you... Who else do you have?
Like, I need, like, a doctor, like an older doctor-doctor.
- You can't choose your own doctor. - [groans] Yeah. I can.
- You can't choose your own fucking doctor. - What are you doing?
- Hey. Can you see my friend? - Of course.
Oh, thank you so much. Why don't you take some fucking notes?
Here.
Hi, is there anything I can do to make your day better?
Please, please help me.
Okay.
- Are you a clown? - Oh, my God. You're the hospital clown.
- Yeah. It's on my jacket. - Get out. Get out.
Why does it hurt this much? Did I kick his dick off?
Hey, hey. Look at me. Take a breath.
The best thing you can do for Molly is to breathe. Yeah.
I'm fine. This is not about me. I just-- I got... I fucked it up.
I fucked up and I got the fucking clown doctor.
Have you been drinking?
I got fired from my job, and I went and I drank a whole lot,
but don't worry about me. Can you just please help her?
- Please, please, please, please. - Okay. Drink that.
Molly?
I told them that she was in pain, and it was like they did not even hear me.
And you're white.
Black women say they're in pain and they give them some red Jell-O.
That's why I do this.
Pain is political. Pleasure is political.
You know, don't get me started.
[Nikki] I want to get you started, and I want you to never stop.
[Sonya chuckles]
Hi.
Are you in any pain?
No.
Okay, the doctor came in while you were sleeping.
And you have a fracture in your femur,
and they think that it's probably because the cancer in your hip
has spread a little bit.
You said I was walking weird.
Yeah, I know how baby walks.
I also want you to know that they are gonna put a rod in your leg
to prophylactically stabilize the femur bone.
They're gonna come in and go over all of this with you.
They're going to put a rod in my leg?
Yeah, I know. I know.
Oh, Molly.
It's my fault.
You know, I tried so hard to be positive
but I'm just like a naturally fucked-up, negative person, and it's my fault.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No.
Cancer doesn't care if you're a positive person.
Positive, wonderful, beautiful people die all the time.
It's my stupid, fucked-up, broken body. I hate it.
I got cancer twice.
I can't even have normal orgasms from normal sex.
Normal sex? Who decides what that means?
Just tell them.
I made my neighbor jerk off in front of me
while I said truly horrible things about his penis
and then I kicked him in the dick.
And I loved it.
Yes. Amazing. Yes! Yes. Yes.
Why is that amazing?
Because you figured out something that you want.
No. I don't want to have to hurt people to have orgasms.
I...
What is wrong with me?
Nothing.
Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.
Nothing the fuck is wrong with you.
You early millennials are so tragic.
You know, you think sex is just penetration and orgasms. Why?
Because that's what Samantha said.
Sex...
Sex is a wave.
You know, sex... Sex is a mindset.
Sex is the nonlinear emergent phenomenon
that arises when two or more beings...
they touch energy fields.
Here's the thing about your body:
you have to listen to it.
Yes, maybe it's saying something that you don't want
and you don't understand,
but give it a chance and listen to it. Both of you.
Here. Here's my card.
I want you to call me whenever.
Thanks.
Sleep well.
You kicked him in the dick?
[♪ The Earth Won't Hold Me plays]
♪ I get so tall on being me ♪
♪ Oh, I am joy, I am a song There is no place I don't belong ♪
♪ And now the earth can't hold me The earth will never hold me ♪
♪ I know the earth won't hold me While I want to live ♪
♪ I follow walls that lead to space ♪
♪ I tumble into what I say I track the dark and find the day ♪
♪ And now the earth can't hold me The earth will never hold me ♪
♪ I leap into the moving sun ♪