[cell door slams] [theme song playing]
[cell door slams]
Ms. Jefferson, your presence has been requested
in the attorney visitation room.
Come on, let's go.
♪ I wish somebody ♪
♪ Would come and ease my troublin' mind ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I wish somebody ♪
♪ Would come and ease my troublin' mind ♪
♪ Oh, yes, I do ♪
♪ Why won't somebody ♪
♪ Come and ease my... ♪
Yo, Professor T. Today's the big GED day.
Check this out. My power pose.
Gonna make me feel confident even if I'm not feeling it.
It works on a deeper level.
-[Alvarez] Okay, let's keep it moving. -[Zirconia] Can't.
Read you gotta hold the pose for two minutes for the confidence to sink in.
You should try too, for something you wanna feel more brave on.
♪ Oh, yes, I do ♪
♪ I wish my baby ♪
♪ Would come and tell me ♪
♪ Everything's all right ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
I apologize. Um...
I am scheduled for a hearing in Albany this afternoon,
so I'm a little bit scattered.
I'm truly sorry that it's taken this long to sit down with you,
but we wanted to make sure that we were being as thorough as possible.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's the first steps, right?
I read in the law library
that habeas petitions usually take a while, so...
[sighs]
I reviewed your friend's notebook, and to be 100% honest...
I don't think it meets the evidentiary burden
for a habeas proceeding.
You're welcome to file one pro se, but our organization--
[scoffs] Nah, that ain't possible. Did you read it?
I read it, Tasha. It's not enough.
Okay, then read it again.
Look, I know Suzanne ain't the best witness,
but one thing about her, she don't lie.
Those CERT officers are the ones who killed Piscatella, not me.
You have to believe me.
I do believe you, but that's not enough.
Suzanne was having a psychotic episode when she gave her original statement.
-She's not a credible witness. -Okay, um...
Then what about Cindy Hayes?
We can maybe get her to retract if we show her the book?
We can't locate her.
We reached out to her family, and they've lost contact.
There's no evidence, Tasha.
We've spent an enormous amount of our resources scouring,
but there's nothing. I'm sorry.
"Sorry"?
You know I'm innocent.
And you know...
I'mma spend the rest of my life in here,
and all you got for me is "I'm sorry"?
[scoffs] Man, if that's all you got, get the fuck out of my face.
I'll come by and check on you once you've calmed down.
[scoffs] Nah.
I ain't never seeing you again.
Don't give up.
[Pennsatucky sighs]
-Ah, come on, Tuck, you know this. The-- -[shushes]
-Listen. The Declaration of Independence. -[grunts] Fuck. I knew it.
Fuck me. Can't believe this test is in an hour.
I'm so gonna fail this. Thanks, Travis Kimball, you were right. [chuckles]
Who's Travis Kimball?
He was this fucking guy in tenth grade
that always said, "You're dumb as a Dog-gett."
You're not dumb. You just got a special brain, like me.
I know that this might be hard for you to believe,
but when I was in school, people used to call me names, too.
-Really? -Yeah. I know.
But Mommy said I can't listen to the people
who know the least about me.
I gotta listen to the people who know me the most.
-And I know you pretty well, right? -Yeah.
Better than anyone in this prison?
Yeah, and better than the whole world, maybe?
Yeah.
Then, as the world Tiffany Doggett expert...
-Mmm. -...I say, Travis Kimball doesn't know
what the fucking fuck he is talking about.
Yeah. Fucking married his aunt.
I think you're smart.
And I think you're gonna pass this test.
When I had a big test, Mommy would say
I could have all the pineapple juice that I wanted after.
Why? Pineapple juice tastes like farts.
Disagree.
What was the reward you liked when you were a kid?
If I was really calm, and I was quiet, and my mom had a man friend over,
I would get breakfast for dinner.
-Oh! Breakfast for dinner? -Mmm-hmm.
It's done. [chuckles]
-How are we gonna get-- -No.
It's done.
Now...
-[stutters] "Where was..." -[Pennsatucky clears throat] Shit.
"...the first of the 13 colonies located?"
Um, Virginia. Because America was a virgin before the British entered.
[exclaims]
-[Pennsatucky chuckling] -And the crowd goes wild!
-[imitates crowd roaring] -[chuckles]
Here she comes. Let me do the talking.
-Good morning, Warden. -[Tamika] Mmm-hmm.
You look very interesting today.
Those are very interesting clothes that you're wearing.
You have one minute to say whatever you're stalling to say. Talk fast.
We were hoping for clarification as to whether it's standard protocol
to search or not search the kitchen crew inmates--
One of our kitchen workers smuggled a phone
into the immigration detention center last night,
and ICE is not happy about it.
I will reach out and try and smooth it over
so they don't involve corporate.
Send the inmate to me. We're gonna have to pursue formal charges.
We don't know which inmate is responsible.
Then find out.
Are you giving us authorization to interrogate inmates?
Do whatever you have to do.
[door closes]
Good morning, I was hoping to speak with Danny Pearson please.
Ah, yes, I've been calling to discuss a microloan project
that I'm working on with a very bright Litchfield inmate.
Uh, Joe Caputo.
Oh, is he?
[sighs] When exactly do you expect him to free up?
Because he's been in meetings the last four times I called, too.
No, I'm not taking a tone with you.
-I just wish he'd stop avoiding me. -[indistinct chatter over phone]
Oh, yes, he is. He--
Yes, he is. Yes, he is. I'm not stupid.
He hung up.
How are those calls coming?
No one will even take my call.
They hear my name, and suddenly, they're busy.
You should try giving up. It's working for me.
You're not going in to work?
I'm calling in sick because, technically, I'm sick of their shit.
Why are you so dressed up, Mr. Belvedere?
Oh, well, Tamika's throwing an end-of-semester party for the programs.
Thought I might go.
You know, hand out the certificates for restorative justice.
You really think that's a good idea?
Everyone probably knows you're a sex offender by now.
I am not a sex offender.
I'm a sexual harasser, and you know the difference.
I mean, what am I supposed to do? Hide in a cave the rest of my life?
I-- I can't make calls, I can't teach.
And-- And Tamika said I can come. A last visit to say goodbye.
I owe those girls at least that.
Women. They're women.
Those women do not deserve to be penalized for my--
[vocalizes] You can't say "penalized" anymore. It's a microaggression.
You're also not allowed to invite anyone out to cocktails
or ask them to take dictation.
You are like a 12-year-old.
Oh, you definitely can't say "12-year-old."
Ah!
-This is a good fucking sandwich. -Mmm.
[door opens]
Thanks for coming.
[sighs]
I'm here because I know you're in pain.
I'm sorry that I'm responsible, I just... I haven't changed my mind.
I know you think we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore,
but it's because you won't let yourself be happy.
You know, you actually make me look forward
to coming to this horrible place.
And I know you feel something, too. I've seen how you look at me.
I have a wife.
Why do you keep punishing yourself over and over again,
when you know you're never gonna be enough for her?
-I can't listen to this. I'm leaving. -She's gonna leave you.
She was always going to, you know that. You know it in your heart.
[breath trembling] She's seeing someone else.
[Alex sighs]
-You don't know that. -Yes, I do.
I saw them at her apartment last night.
I wasn't planning to confront her, but when I saw what she was doing...
-Are you out of your fucking mind? -[sobbing]
You stay away from my wife.
[sighs]
♪ And your baby's hanging on Looking at pictures on the phone ♪
♪ You're back at home While I've gone away ♪
♪ We thought it wouldn't feel long Because aren't we so independent ♪
♪ But the wind out here is strong It blew right through those confidences ♪
-Chilly? -Yeah.
[both laughing]
Thank you.
This view...
Yeah. [chuckles]
Sometimes, I forget to enjoy it.
[cell phone vibrating]
-Oh, shit. Shit. -Oh. Oh.
-Oh, I'm so sorry. -No, it's okay.
-[Piper] I'll pay for dry cleaning. -[laughs]
Actually, how much does that cost?
Don't worry about it.
-[Piper] Um... -[Zelda chuckles]
Shit.
-Excuse me. I'm gonna have to take this. -Yeah.
Hello?
Why didn't you pick up?
Is that really how you would like to start this conversation?
Look, I'm sorry that CO showed up at your place.
If I'd known she was gonna do something like that, I never would've--
You never would've what? You never would've fucked her?
You sat in front of my face and you lied to me.
Told me she was forcing you to sell fucking phone chargers?
What a crock of shit.
What about you? Lie to me much?
What?
She told me that you're seeing someone.
-Do... -Are you with her now?
Is that why you didn't answer your phone?
Is it Zelda?
-This is ridiculous. -What? If you're not with her, just tell me right now.
Say, "No, I am not with Zelda."
Wow, Pipes, even for you.
What is that supposed to mean? [sighs]
We are not doing this over the phone. You need to come here.
What?
[indistinct chatter]
Diaz. Congratulations, you got a new work assignment.
-I didn't ask for no work assignment. -[Vazquez] I ain't askin' if you asked.
Says here you're on the cleaning crew, and you're assigned to SHU.
The fuck I gotta clean SHU for?
The roaches been complaining? That shit's closed down.
Head guard makes the assignments. I just hand them out.
I'm a cog in the prison machine. Don't shoot the cog.
I don't know what you're bitching about.
You just hit the jackpot. SHU's a fucking easy one.
No good bastard. If I ever see Vinnie again,
I'm gonna squeeze his nuts so hard that his nuts come popping out.
Then he's not gonna have no nuts no more, just empty sacks.
Lorna, please. I mean, he's just... You can't keep blaming Vinnie.
Why not? He can't get away with this. He took my baby away.
-No, he didn't. -Yes, he did.
No, he didn't.
Look, kid, I understand why you wouldn't wanna accept what happened,
because that makes it real.
And losing your child...
I mean, that's the kind of pain that a lot people never recover from.
I-- I almost admire you for fighting it so hard,
but wh-- when I look at you, I mean, really look at you,
I can see that a part of you knows.
Sterling is gone.
Yeah.
He died in the hospital.
And pretending that he's still alive isn't gonna bring him back.
You just-- You gotta let him go so you can grieve.
[whimpering]
What's wrong with you?
Why would you say something like that to me? That's horrible.
Because it's the truth, all right? You have to start accepting the truth.
You... You are just mad with me because I never wanted to be with you!
All right. Lorna, you gotta calm down or they're gonna send you to Florida.
You always hated that I was happy with Christopher and Vinnie.
And now, you wanna make this stuff up
so I can be miserable and alone forever, just like you!
-Hey. -[Nicky] Lorna, you have to calm down.
I understand you are mad at me right now,
but, please, bring it down. I want you here.
[sighs] You having another episode, Morello?
[Nicky] Uh...
I'm angry, too. You know, I...
I mean, I think it's insane that there's three starches in this meal, all right?
It's really not recommended for someone who is pre-pre-diabetic.
-Take it up with the concierge, Nichols. -[Nicky] Yeah.
-And keep it down. -Aye, aye, captain.
-Remind me. -Hmm.
How does someone as smart and gorgeous as you...
-Mmm-hmm. -...end up working in a dump like this?
Oh. I don't really work here. I just wandered in off the street.
[chuckles]
Found this uniform in a hamper and just never left.
-Yeah? -Mmm-hmm.
So, what drew you in, the stench of death?
Come on, it's gotta be a long way from...
What part of town did you say you lived in?
I never said.
You-- You know what I like most about you?
Uh, my sexy black ass, and the fact that I sneak you extra rice pudding.
Besides those two excellent qualities.
Every other goddamn person in here
wants to ask you about your life or tell you about theirs.
You keep things light, you know? I like that.
Thanks, Sid. Uh...
You better watch your sugars, mister.
Yeah, that's what they tell me, but you only die once.
That's true. That's true. All right, here we are.
[Sid] Mmm.
[man wheezing]
[man groans]
Uh...
-You remember the routine, right? -Yeah.
-I'm gonna need your help. -Mmm. Okay.
[Black Cindy] Come on.
-Okay. Here we go. -Uh-huh.
[Black Cindy] Easy. Okay.
-[Sid] Hang on. Okay. Yeah. -All right.
-You got it? Okay. -Yeah.
-[man grunting] -Uh, you okay with...
Ah, what are you gonna do?
Uh, you like Sam Cooke?
Do I like the greatest soul singer of all time?
-That's what I'm talking about. Here. -[laughs]
Oh.
["It's All Right" playing over earphones] ♪ Whoa, it's all right ♪
Yeah?
♪ It's all right, it's all right ♪
♪ Honey, it's all right ♪
♪ Long as I know Long as I know that you love me ♪
♪ Honey, it's all right ♪
♪ It's all right, it's all right It's all right ♪
♪ Honey, it's all right ♪
♪ Long as I know Long as I know that you love me, baby ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
[Tamika] Taystee?
What's up?
You gonna tell me or do I have to ask?
-Wh-- What are you talking about? -The meeting. How'd it go?
Were you just gonna not tell me? Come on. Girl, you're-- you're killing me here.
There's not much to tell.
I mean, the lawyer wants to talk to a few more experts
before moving forward, so...
But it's moving forward.
All right. Tha-- Tha-- That's the direction we wanna go then.
Keep hope alive, huh? We could celebrate at the party tonight.
Yeah. Uh, I'm not going to the party.
I wasn't really a part of the program, so...
What are you talking about? Your tutoring was the program.
Look, I was trying to keep it a surprise, but I'm bringing in a bunch of donuts.
So, you gotta come. Come on.
I'm not going away till you promise.
All right, yeah. All right.
[scoffs] I promise.
-Yo, Tamika. -Yo.
What if you got Storky's instead? Instead of donuts.
Storky's.
Such a good idea. I'm-- I'm-- I'mma make it happen. Got it.
Good afternoon. My name is Mr. Bibby.
I'll be administering your high school equivalency exam.
Uh, what happened to Luschek?
Your teacher will not be present for the exam,
and in the future, if you have any questions,
-please raise your hand. -[inmates chuckling]
Okay, damn, you don't have to come at me like that.
The test is composed of five sections.
When there's a minute left in each section,
I will give you a one-minute warning.
When your time is up, I will say "time" and you will put your pencil down,
or your test will be invalid, and you will be escorted from the exam room.
[Bibby] Yes?
Hi. Uh, what about for people that get, uh, extra time?
No one's getting extra time.
No, that's not true. I get extra time. I have a learning disability.
No, I don't have anyone approved for extended testing time on this roster.
But I-- But I can't take the test without it.
You can-- You can ask Luschek. He'll tell you.
It's too late. Your teacher should've made the official request weeks ago.
He did.
My brain is different, all right? This takes me longer!
I'm sorry. We have to move on.
You're not to open your exam booklet until I have instructed you to do so.
Officer Alvarez, she's all yours.
[Alvarez sniffs and clears throat]
I forgot what I was gonna say.
Tell us who smuggled in the phone
or all three of you are getting five extra years.
Yeah, I think it was something about a boiled frog.
I really don't know whose phone it is.
I'm sorry. I know it's not mine. That's all I know.
You better hope your two friends' memories aren't better than yours.
I can't get more time.
Gloria, please, you have to confess.
Look, I know you ain't never gonna forgive me.
I'm okay with that, but don't punish my daughter for my mistakes.
You know Pepa was sick last week?
She had this real bad cough that kept her up all night crying.
And all I wanted was to be there
to rub alcoholado on her chest
and to read to her the book that mi mamá used to read to me.
You know, the one about the sick donkey?
You had that book in Puerto Rico, the one with the song?
[singing in Spanish]
[sniffles]
[in English] I respect what you did.
You put yourself out there for somebody else's kid.
I'm not gonna snitch.
But, please, don't keep me from mine.
Give her the chance to know me while she's still a child.
[indistinct chatter] The fuck is happening to this place?
This is a maximum security prison.
It's like a unicorn diarrhea-blasted the whole fucking room.
I don't know. I find it kind of invigorating.
[scoffs] I'm sorry, what-- what the fuck word did you say to me?
"Invigorating"? This is invigorating?
-[Dixon] Yup. -Mr. Hopper.
It makes you feel good. From Aleida.
Are you trying to say something with that?
You need to have a heart -to understand what I mean. -[Hellman] It's a cute word.
-No, I know what it means. -[Dixon] Oh, do you?
-[Hellman] It's a little cutesy word. -[Dixon] Tell me what it means.
-[Hellman] I know what it means. -[Dixon] What does it mean?
-[Hellman] What are you hiding? -I'm not hiding anything.
-Gentlemen, I got some paperwork to do. -[Hellman] Mr. Invigorating.
-I'll catch you later. -Does it make your butthole tingle?
-Is that what you're trying to say? -Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say.
-Mmm-hmm. Oof. -Makes my butthole tingle. Killjoy.
Hello?
Please don't be anthrax or shit.
-[Aleida] Okay. Okay, you know-- -[Ricky] Can you wait one second?
Stop pushing me forward. This place is fucking disgusting.
I don't wanna touch anything. You... Okay, you know what?
Ow.
-Okay, this is better. -All right. How's that?
-Are you even in? -No, I meant the position.
I'm not... Shit. Yeah, now I'm in.
Okay. Yeah, you don't have to narrate it. I can tell.
Oh, God. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in, in, in.
Oh, God. This is exactly what I needed.
-[chuckles] -[Ricky moans]
Thank you, honey. This was a great idea.
This is actually not that bad. [moans]
-God. -Why did you have to pick the SHU?
Oh, no, no, no. SHU was all you.
Yeah, no. You're the one that told me to come down here.
Oh, I get it. You want me to be the big, bad guard
taking you down to SHU for a little extra punishment, huh?
-All right. Well, you're gonna get a shot. -Okay.
-And another shot. And another. -Okay, yeah. [exclaims]
And another. And another shot. Another shot. Another shot. Another shot.
-Step away from the inmate, CO. -[Ricky] No, no, no.
No, no, no. [stutters] This is a misunderstanding.
I literally caught you with your pants down.
How exactly am I misunderstanding that?
We're in a relationship. Her kids live with me.
We're-- We're basically married. Tell her.
Yeah. He takes care of my kids.
That doesn't change anything.
-CO Hopper... -Please. He's all my kids got.
Inmate.
-Warden. Warden, please. I need this job. -[Aleida exhales heavily]
Finally learned how to call me by my title.
-You're fired, Mr. Hopper. -No, no, no.
Either that, or I can file charges with the court,
see what they think of this arrangement?
CO Blake, please escort Ms. Diaz back to her cell.
CO Young, please escort Mr. Hopper off the premises.
Damn, Hopper, you got set up.
-We good? -Yeah.
They must still be down there.
Shit, shit, shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I got it. I got it, I got it, I got it.
Yes! Yo, Tylenol. Thank you.
Hmm. Let's go.
Yes.
-[laughs] -[Dayanara exclaims]
Shit.
[chickens clucking]
-Isn't this cruel and unusual? -Well, I won't deny that it's unusual.
Chickens are social creatures. They need chicken-on-chicken contact.
No. We need to stop the chicken-on-chicken violence.
What if this isolation is just making them more violent?
-[Suzanne] Ugh. -You got them literally cooped up.
What if the solution is more social interaction, not less?
No.
These chickens are bloodthirsty predators. Superpredators.
Look, I can see it in their eyes.
-No. -Yes.
Now, I know it is not ideal,
but it is the only solution that we've got.
Look, an egg!
[grunts]
Now, I can make breakfast for dinner.
How lucky is that?
You have one minute left in the math section.
-[alarm chirps] -Time.
Put your pencils down.
Pencils down.
This will conclude your high school equivalency exam.
Please remain seated as I collect your Scantron sheets.
"Yeah, this big house is a fixer-upper.
360 views of gray walls, and the plumbing is a motherfucker."
[inmates laughing]
"Don't you pay no never mind to that soot falling from the ceiling.
That's from all the prayers that turned to ash before they left the building.
Guess that means it got character, right?" [inmates cheer]
Mmm. I dig it.
Do you feel that, huh? Those vibrations.
Take your shirt off!
-[inmates exclaim] -And where's the Storky's at?
-[inmate] Yeah. -Yeah, I'm starving.
Okay, everyone, calm down. The burgers are coming.
We'll be back with more vibrations after a brief intermission.
Mr. Caputo.
These look like you just wrote our names in Magic Marker.
That's what I did.
Then I guess you're the one that really needs forgiveness, huh?
For giving us janky certificates.
Thank you for your feedback, Mx. Tawney.
Mr. Caputo, I wanted to tell you something, if that's okay?
Of course, Beth. What-- What is it?
When I found out I was coming here, I-- I knew it would be difficult.
And I expected I wouldn't have any friends, which is true.
I don't have a single friend in here, but I'm okay with that.
But what I couldn't prepare for was how hard it would be for people to look at me.
I'm sorry.
That's awful.
I-- I try when some of the new girls arrive,
but as soon as they find out what I did, they stop, too. [chuckles softly]
And I-- I understand why. I wouldn't wanna look at me, either.
-Oh, Beth, don't-- -You don't have to do that, Mr. Caputo.
I-- I know what I did. I know what my face makes them think about.
I have to live with that.
But, uh, that's not what I-- I came over to tell you.
I wanted to thank you,
because since your program,
some of the other restorative justice girls
started to look at me again,
and some of them even smile at me when they do.
That's real nice to hear. Thank you.
[Beth] I guess what I'm...
What I'm trying to say is it doesn't last forever.
If it ever seems like people are turning away from you.
You heard?
I'm pretty sure some of the other girls know, too.
I'm sorry to let you guys down like that.
Uh, I guess you understand now why I have to go away.
Mr. Caputo, if-- if anyone has taught us
that people deserve a path to redemption, it's you.
[clicks tongue]
Besides, who are we to judge?
-Hey, good-for-nothing asshole. -Hey.
What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?
I don't know. Too many drugs before my brain fully developed?
You made me fail my test.
Hey, calm it down, kid.
Wait a minute. That's not really my fault. I can only give you the tools--
Oh, really? You were supposed to request more time for my dyslexia!
Do you remember that? Do you?
Do you know how hard I studied for that test?
I studied my fucking ass off! Do you know what you've done to me?
-[Dixon] Okay, Doggett. -Do you?
-Let's calm down over here. -No, 'cause I've known some real
fucking pieces of shit in my life, but you, you're fucking garbage!
Pure fucking shit!
[Dixon] All right. All right. Let's go.
[Pennsatucky sobbing]
[exhales sharply]
Would you look at that?
You look like shit, Nicky. I almost didn't recognize you.
Well, I got a lot on my plate right now.
-[sighs] -How's Morello?
Don't get me started on Morello.
I've been chasing her around all day, trying to keep her out of trouble.
Thank fucking Christ, she finally went down for a nap.
You've always loved her, haven't you?
[Nicky scoffs]
I might have a soft spot for her, but it's platonic.
-Is there someone else? -[chuckles]
Yeah, could've been.
And what happened to her?
She's gone. You know what? Uh, let's not talk about me.
How did you get to be so good at being a prison mom?
-I had a good teacher. -Oh, yeah?
Beautiful, striking woman.
Her name is Galina, but some people call her Red.
Come on. It's a-- It's a serious question.
And I gave you serious answer.
I didn't know what I was doing. I figured it out.
All right, but you ran a whole kitchen.
I mean, you watched over a bunch of degenerate knuckleheads,
not to mention how you got a big-mouthed junkie
from the Upper East clean, you know?
That is some crazy multitasking right there.
Well...
I raised three boys, I ran a business and I just...
did.
I think sometimes you get so busy,
you don't have time to wonder how you're doing it all.
You do it.
And then sometimes you hit a wall, and you say...
"Okay, that's all I can handle."
And you back off and try not to get near the wall again.
Okay, but what if you-- you really don't wanna give up on something?
Even though, I mean, you know that it just might be too much for you to handle,
like, even if you've just slammed into that wall?
There's strength in admitting what you can't do.
Nobody likes it...
but it's self-preservation.
[chuckles]
It's getting late. Can you get Norma, Gina and Tricia for me?
It's time to start preparing dinner soon.
Uh...
Can we just stay here a little longer?
-Okay, dochenka, a little longer. -[chuckles]
[indistinct chatter]
[inmates cheering]
All right. One at a time.
Hey, you know if Suzanne is coming?
Mmm.
Listen, I really wish I could stay and kick it,
but today has been straight bullshit, so...
I wanted to tell you that--
Uh, yeah. What's up?
Nothing...
I just wanted to say that I appreciate you trying...
with the programs.
Look, I hope... I hope you keep it up.
Damn straight, we're gonna keep it up.
Now, what are you waiting for, woman?
Hurry up, get in line. This is your idea.
Taystee.
Oh.
-I'm glad I caught you. -Hi, Mr. Caputo.
I wanted to apologize in person
for not making any progress on the loans for ex-felons thing.
-Nah, it's all right. -Uh...
Truth is, I'm probably doing more harm than good just being associated with it.
But you should reach out to people on your own.
It might be good for them to hear from somebody who's been there.
Yeah, maybe I'll do that.
I really am sorry, Taystee, I couldn't do more.
Nah. You did everything you could.
I won't be around the prison much 'cause I'm not doing
restorative justice anymore. So, I might not see you for a while.
I'd give you a big hug goodbye, but...
I'll see you, Taystee.
You're a good man, Mr. Caputo.
You take care.
[Ginger] Look, we know you didn't do it.
[scoffs] You've been working all this time with zero incidents.
Just tell us it was Ruiz.
If you don't tell us, then you're all getting added time.
Officer Alvarez, can you tell me what that file says?
I'm sorry, I don't... What am I supposed to be referencing?
The release date. Obviously, I'm asking about her release date.
My release date is nine days away.
-Your kids coming to pick you up? -[Alvarez sighs]
Officer Alvarez, tell her what happens to that release date
if she gets another five years added to her sentence.
Seriously? [scoffs]
[clears throat]
I apologize, okay? I shouldn't have yelled.
You couldn't have known I was asking about the release date,
because I didn't ask for that specifically.
-I'm sorry. -[Alvarez] Thank you.
If you get another five years,
that's five more years away from your kids.
Can you live with yourself keeping children from their mother?
I love my kids.
We know.
So, you gonna tell us who smuggled the phone?
I'm so sorry.
[breath trembles]
I did.
Hey, any of y'all seen Suzanne?
Professor T!
Yo, this Storky's is bomb as fuck.
I'm gonna pretend that they use sustainable farmers and ranches and shit.
-I hope I'm right. -Yeah, man.
Respect to whoever made this shit happen.
[Zirconia] Yeah.
The gravy bundle really brings it together.
Yo, teach, I killed my test today. Finished early and everything.
With the rise of automation, a GED is little more than symbolic.
A damp newspaper to shield you from the coming monsoon. Damn right. Fuck the GED.
Ladies, I think it's time we take this party up a notch, right?
Come on.
Yo.
-I'll catch up with you in the laundry. -All right.
Finally got your last meal, huh?
Guess I shouldn't say "I'll see you later" then.
Well, at least you found your way out this place.
What happened to you?
I fuckin' failed.
They didn't give her her extra time.
Well, then you can just take it again in a few months.
Why? What's the point?
I don't need some fuckin' test to tell me how stupid I am.
I'm so sorry that I'm late. The bus... This is a disaster.
The bus I usually catch wasn't running on time and it...
How much time do we have?
They're gonna cut these off any minute now.
[Piper sighs]
How many times did you fuck her?
Just once. After I found out about you and the guard.
How many times did you and her...
You know what? Don't answer that. I don't wanna know.
Was any of the stuff about the phone chargers true?
Yes. She made me sell them. But we stopped after...
Don't even... don't. No more lies.
I can't handle any more lies. We have to be honest with each other.
Okay, ask me anything you want, and I'll tell you the truth.
Do you have feelings for her?
Then why did you do it?
I think I was trying to protect myself,
because your life is out there now, and I was scared that you would leave me.
Why would you think that?
A part of me always knew it was a possibility,
because when things get hard, it's easier for you to leave.
-That's not fair. -It wouldn't be the first time, Pipes.
I don't believe that about myself.
So, how do we solve it?
I can't spend the next three years like this.
How do I show you you don't need to be afraid?
You tell me you don't have feelings for Zelda.
I can't lie to you.
So, what are we supposed to do now?
Is this something that...
is this something that we can survive?
I don't know.
[sobs] No matter what happens, Alex, I want you--
[continues inaudibly]
[officer] Okay, it's time to go, ladies.
I could never stop loving you.
-[knock at door] -Door's open!
Unless you want something.
Door's open even if you want something.
You gonna sit down? I'm up to date on all my cootie shots.
That's funny. I thought you might be at your party.
Well, not with all this riveting corporate paperwork calling me.
I take it you heard about Hopper?
Hmm. If it wasn't another incident for PolyCon to hold against me,
I would be jumping for joy for sending his potato-white butt packing.
That's kind of what I came here to talk about.
You wanna talk about Hopper's white butt?
Sorry, no. I have a favor to ask.
What's goin' on?
Remember how you said you wanted me to be your girl on the inside?
I was hoping to help you avoid another potential incident, because...
I'm in love with an inmate.
What the hell is wrong with you?
-I could fire you just for saying that! -I haven't acted on it.
And you're not going to.
I don't want to, but it's getting harder to manage.
Then take an exercise class. Make a dating profile.
What do you expect me to do about it?
I want you to transfer her out of the prison.
I can't take seeing her face every day.
[Tamika sighs]
And that way, you can guarantee there's no incident.
[Tamika] Hmm.
You know, another way to guarantee there's no incident is to fire your ass.
Yeah, you could fire me.
But you can't really afford to lose another guard right now, can you?
[door closes]
Oh, he is so handsome with his two cute little eyes,
and his cute little eyeballs,
and his cute little black things in the middle of his eyes.
Morello, could you shut your fucking mouth?
[chuckles] His cute little eye color, and his cute little lashes.
Didn't you hear me? I said shut the fuck up.
Hey. Don't get mad at Morello just 'cause you picked a shitty time
to drop out of your program, huh? Why don't you eat your pot-pie compote?
First, it's not pie, because it doesn't have a crust. Second, if I have to hear another thing about her baby's little--
-Teeny-tiny, itty-bitty wiener. -[snaps fingers] Hey. Morello.
Listen closely to what I'm gonna say next because it's very important.
Fuck your baby.
Lorna, calm down, yeah?
What did you just say to me? [inhales sharply]
I said, "Fuck your baby."
Right on that soft spot on his head.
Stick a dick right in there and brain-fuck your baby.
[grunting]
Lorna. Hey, I love you, kid. I'm gonna miss you like hell. [kisses]
All right, you.
When I look at you, I see a piece of shit, disgusting, horrible person.
Officer, I need some help.
And I am gonna fuck up your face.
[yelling]
[inmates clamoring]
What are you doing? She is the sick one!
Did you hear what she said to me? She should die. You should die!
Somebody should fuck you right in the fontanel, you fucking bitch!
-Where are you taking me? -You're lucky Psych's closed down.
[screaming]
Fuck you, you prison bitch!
[scoffs]
I told you to leave me alone. I thought I was pretty clear about that.
Yeah, you were. So, I did you a favor.
You're being transferred to another prison.
You can't do that.
Are you crazy? You can't do that!
I have to stay in New York. I have to be near my wife.
Back in your bunk!
I think you might've forgotten where you are, inmate.
[sobbing]
Hey, you all right?
You lost? You know which route to take?
I'm okay. I'm okay. I'll be okay.
[indistinct chatter on TV]
-Hey. -[Caputo] Hey.
How'd it go?
[Caputo] Ah...
It was okay.
I made dinner.
[Caputo groans]
One of the women said a few things that really touched me.
I hope you didn't touch her back.
Sorry, I couldn't help it.
Who was it?
Um, Beth.
-Beth who? -I don't know, Hoefler, or...
Beth Hoefler. She new? It's not ringing a bell for some reason.
Not new. Brown hair, yea high.
Still nothing.
-She killed her kids. -Oh. Beth the Baby Killer.
Hmm. What'd she say?
She said she thought I deserved a path to redemption.
Hmm. Not a great source, but solid sentiment.
I decided I'm gonna go back to work tomorrow.
-Fight the good fight and all that. -Good for you.
-At least one of us should be employed. -Yeah? You think?
I guess we should have some income, huh?
I hope there's a path to redemption for me.
Me, too.
-Me... -I get it. You're such a bitch.
[both laughing]
[sirens wailing in distance]
[men yelling indistinctly]
[man 1] Fuck you!
-[man 2] Fuck you, man! -[man 1] I'm tired of you giving me shit. [sirens wailing in distance]
["It's All Right" playing over earphones] ♪ Whoa, it's all right ♪
♪ It's all right, it's all right ♪
♪ Honey, it's all right ♪
♪ Long as I know ♪
♪ Long as I know that you love me, honey ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
[sniffs]
Fuck, y'all. Oh, shit.
Yo, you know what I'mma get?
I'mma get "Thug Life" tattooed on my back.
[inmates laughing]
You sure you don't want a taste, A?
There's a history of addiction on my father's side,
-so it's best to steer clear. -Supersize me.
Yo, chill, Me Want Honeycomb. [laughs]
-Yo, one bump'll do ya. -[clears throat]
What do you want? Are you a narc? Legally, you have to tell us if you are one.
Nope. No, I ain't a fuckin' narc.
-Just seeing what you gals are doin'. -Nah, she's just a tryhard.
You think she's a tryhard now, you should've seen her at camp.
She smoked her teeth off.
[chuckles]
I'm not a tryhard, okay?
I just was sick of this fucking party and sick of these fucking programs.
Everyone just sittin' around pretending that they ain't in prison.
It's not like I gave a shit about that dumbass test. [chuckles]
-What you got there? -What, this? [chuckles]
"This is Your Brain on Drugs." Any questions?
[inmates laughing]
-I don't get it. -Of course you don't.
You fucking millennials don't respect history, yo.
[sniffs]
[grunts] Yo, you know what I'm in the mood for? A soda from Storky's.
-Oh! -[inmate] Yeah.
Yo, let's do it. You in, Tali?
[Tali] You know I would,
but I'd really like to see this project through to the end, boss.
-Okay. -Thank you.
-Do you think they got Dr Pepper? -[squeals] Thank you.
Nobody gives a shit about Dr Pepper.
[sniffs]
What?
-What? -Nothing.
I was just wonderin' how a girl your size is gonna handle that big bag alone.
Or would you need some help with that?
♪ The house I live in ♪
♪ A plot of earth, a street ♪ ♪ The grocer and the butcher ♪
♪ And the people that I meet ♪
♪ The children in the playground ♪
♪ The faces that I see ♪
♪ All races, all religions ♪
♪ That's America to me ♪
[indistinct chatter]
♪ The place I work in ♪
♪ The worker at my side ♪
♪ The little town or city ♪
♪ Where my people lived and died ♪
♪ The howdy and the handshake ♪
♪ The air of feeling free ♪
♪ The right to speak my mind out ♪
♪ That's America to me ♪
[electricity buzzing]
-[Taystee humming] -[electricity buzzing] [vocalizing]
[Laniece] Doreen, you know this ain't right.
We did everything you asked us to do.
You can't do this! Where are we supposed to go?
That ain't my problem, Laniece. Now, you need to pack up.
This is some bullshit!
[Doreen] Girl, bye. Just get your stuff and go.
-What's going on, girl? What happened? -Yo.
Building super found out she got people sleepin' here.
Say she evicted if everybody not out by tonight.
Girl, you got somewhere you can go?
Antoine got a cousin in East New York say he can take us in.
But we gotta earn our keep.
I ain't selling drugs no more. If I get popped, they gonna send me back.
It's that or the street.
[phone ringing]
Shit. Hello?
[woman] Hello, an inmate from Litchfield Correctional Facility
-is trying to contact you. Do you accept? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. I accept.
You got your mansion yet?
[Taystee] Girl, you know that's the first thing I did.
[exclaims] That's what I'm talkin' about. Yo, how many rooms it got?
-Twenty-seven. -Twenty-seven rooms?
Yeah, I wanna make sure there's enough space for everybody.
You know, you, Cindy, Suzanne, Janae.
Shit, even Miss Claudette can stay if she act right.
[laughs] Look at you, gettin' all soft and shit now that you out.
But, look, how-- how you been for real, girl?
I'm all right, you know. I got a job offer.
-That sounds good, right? -Yeah...
I'm just, uh, tired, P.
Tired of fuckin' struggling.
This world ain't built for people like me. Maybe I should go back to where you at.
At least that way, we can be together.
-You don't know the future, T. -[scoffs] I gotta go.
[Poussey] Hey, no. Hey, hold up. Hold up, T.
Look, I know I told you about when my moms passed, right?
Yeah.
I know I told you it hurt, but I never told you how much.
It was like this...
It was like this sharp pain in my chest that wouldn't go away.
I didn't wanna live without her. You understand what I'm sayin'?
I think so.
Look, I was tired, too.
But that sharp pain, it didn't last forever.
It got dull, and... and then it went away.
Or-- Or it was still there, but I-- I couldn't feel it as much,
'cause I had these other feelings.
'Cause of all the good things I never expected.
What good things? You in prison, P. What are you talking about?
I'm talkin' about you.
You know, wh-- what kinda life would that've been if I never met you?
You just-- You gotta hold on a little longer than you think you can,
'cause there's good shit working its way to you that you don't even know about.
Yeah. There's good stuff headed my way.
-Look, I gotta go. -Yeah, all right, girl. Stay up.
And, um... Look, when I get out,
we gonna throw a big-ass party in your mansion.
Different DJs in all 27 rooms. [chuckles]
I love you, T.
I love you too, P.
You goin' with them or us?
I'm goin' with y'all.
[electrical buzzing]
♪ The wedding and the churchyard ♪
♪ The laughter and the tears ♪
♪ The dream that's been a-growin' ♪
♪ For 150 years ♪
You should get the fuck out of here!
♪ The town I live in ♪
♪ The street, the house, the room ♪
♪ The pavement of the city ♪
♪ Are a garden all in bloom ♪
♪ The church, the school, the clubhouse ♪
♪ The million lights I see ♪
♪ But especially the people... ♪
Help!
[sobs] Help!
Somebody! Help!