1 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:22,248 Well, she's-- she's my rock. 2 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,795 What-- What am I supposed to do without her, you know? It... 3 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:30,799 Ow! 4 00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,425 Nut up, man. 5 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:35,762 This is the universe telling you you're not meant to be tied down. 6 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,182 Look, I was living with a chick once, right? 7 00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,892 And she wanted me to put a ring on it. 8 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,393 And I thought I was gonna have to, 9 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,771 because I was living in her place, which was sweet. 10 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:48,733 Then one day she comes home, catches me boning her first cousin, 11 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:53,279 breaks up with me, but more important, thinks the place is tainted and moves out. 12 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,991 Who's got two thumbs and is living in a sweet Huh? 13 00:01:57,075 --> 00:02:00,453 Place has a friggin' gym in the building and she left her Instant Pot. 14 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,872 You gotta look at the bigger picture here. 15 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,541 But she's... 16 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,000 Morning. 17 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:15,760 Oh, ooh. Taystee? Can you give me a hand, please? 18 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,513 Shit. 19 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,270 Did you hear me calling you for help? 20 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:26,855 What? 21 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,440 Do I have any messages? 22 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,654 -Taystee, did you take down-- -Linda's office called. 23 00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:36,281 Great. Just call her back. 24 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:38,783 She said she wants you to come in for a meeting. 25 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,827 -Mmm-hmm. 26 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:44,831 In person? In person is serious. She say what it was about? 27 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,333 Uh... No. 28 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,837 I'm doing everything they told me to. 29 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,882 I've signed my name so many times, I'm spelling my own name wrong. 30 00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:57,260 Um, I bet Hopper told her about my programs. 31 00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:58,761 That's why he wouldn't look at me. 32 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,306 When's this meeting? I need time to prepare. 33 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,185 You okay? 34 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,438 Yeah, sorry, I just got a lot on my mind. 35 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:09,439 Yeah. 36 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:21,117 It was Thursday. Thursday. 37 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,327 Thank you. 38 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,122 Why is there Wite-Out on the signature line? 39 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,625 Did she forget her own damn name? 40 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:33,087 I got shirts older than this new warden. 41 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:36,132 Anyhow, your paperwork is in order, 42 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,427 but I still need the address for where you'll be staying after release. 43 00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:40,887 You got that for me? 44 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:43,348 No. 45 00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:46,851 Well, have you at least reached out to your family? 46 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,187 No, I ain't got around to it yet. 47 00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:51,105 Ms. Hayes, look at me. 48 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:56,194 You have to have some place to go. The halfway houses are at capacity. 49 00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:57,779 Sorry. 50 00:03:58,112 --> 00:04:01,032 Don't apologize to me. Just get me an address. 51 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:03,993 Okay. 52 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:09,791 -I know. I know. I know. 53 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,000 Do you? 54 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:14,963 Do you know how friggin' lucky you are that you just got sent to NA? 55 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:16,589 She could have sent you back here. 56 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,299 What if that's what my subconscious wants? 57 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,759 No. 58 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:23,721 I think I just wanted to feel something. It was stupid and I'm sorry. 59 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:28,351 Well, why don't you find someone other than your brother to hang out with? 60 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:29,394 What about Neri? 61 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,104 I'm not on her good side at the moment. 62 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,564 Cal basically had to promise that we'd be her slaves 63 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:34,774 so she wouldn't kick us out. 64 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,277 How about some girls from work? 65 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,823 I think they know I'm the one that cookie-monstered their cake. 66 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:44,701 Wow, here I was thinking I was the reckless one. 67 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:47,120 I guess we're two fucked up peas in a pod. 68 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:51,416 -I wanna be in your pod. -I know. Me, too. 69 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,254 Too bad we're not even in the same garden. 70 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:07,056 Pipes, do you need to find some other peas to pod with? 71 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,224 What? 72 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:10,727 No. 73 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,564 You're my pea, you're my pod. Why would you even ask me that? 74 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:18,067 Just... hear me out. 75 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,821 You clearly need something more in your life. 76 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,575 You know, someone outside of this glass. 77 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:30,705 Someone who can touch you, and it's legal, and it feels good. 78 00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:33,624 I'm not saying I wanna know details, but, um... 79 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,420 -Dangerous. 80 00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:40,089 This is very, very dangerous. And what you're doing isn't? 81 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:49,891 Look, there's no way you're replacing this golden pussy. I know that. 82 00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,810 But I also know that you feel restricted by all these rules 83 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:57,148 and I don't want you to resent our relationship for, like, confining you. 84 00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,650 I don't resent us. 85 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:05,281 Piper, this is all I can do for you from in here. 86 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,284 Let me do this for you. 87 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:09,994 This is ridiculous. 88 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,374 Besides, I haven't even been in the mood. 89 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:18,378 Well, we have three years to go. So just think about it. 90 00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:23,549 As much as I wanna be with you, I don't want you back in here. 91 00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:29,430 My God, she's climbing the stairs already? 92 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,558 It's going so fast. 93 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:36,229 -Yes. 94 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,647 Told you she's advanced. 95 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,192 -"Yes." 96 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,486 -Her new word is "yes." -Oh. 97 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:46,864 -And also "duck." 98 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,950 Duck like quack-quack. 99 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,869 -Hmm. -And she makes the quack noise, too. 100 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:53,955 But it's more like "cack." 101 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,790 She's a genius. 102 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,254 Listen, I gotta tell you something. 103 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,216 I'm seeing someone. 104 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,052 We said we weren't gonna talk about those things. 105 00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:09,637 This one is different. 106 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:14,934 -A month. Sergio introduced us. 107 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:18,187 -I don't wanna hear about it. -I gotta be honest with you. 108 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:23,734 Well, you also gotta leave Pepa out of it. A month is a short time. 109 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,362 And I don't want her getting all attached to some rando 110 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,614 that you're gonna drop in another month. 111 00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:34,996 And what the fuck is Sergio doing introducing you to girls? He's my cousin. 112 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,456 Pepa and I are moving in with her. 113 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:37,999 The fuck you are! 114 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:42,712 You won't bring Pepa here 115 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,589 because you don't want her to see her mother in prison, 116 00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:48,676 but you're okay to let her see you screwing some fling? 117 00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:51,804 -No. Nuh-uh. Not happening. -It's not a fling. 118 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:57,768 This is serious, and you don't get to choose what we do. 119 00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:01,481 -Of course I do. I'm Pepa's mother. -But you're in here. 120 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,610 Leave Pepa out of it. 121 00:08:07,069 --> 00:08:10,990 Well, I may be in here, but I know you. 122 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,912 And I know that your fling or whatever ain't gonna work out. 123 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:19,332 I seen you in love. With me. 124 00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:23,044 And this ain't like that. This is sex or whatever. 125 00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:29,175 Well, I guess I love me some Guess. 126 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:35,139 I guess I love wearing Guess. It makes me feel so sexy and rich. 127 00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:51,072 -Stop, stop. 128 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:53,574 Ooh. 129 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:57,453 Princesa, you should only ever be dressed in the finest. 130 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,830 Well, it's coming off. Oh, my God. 131 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:02,625 Orlando would shit himself if he knew I had sex in this dress. 132 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,085 -Shit. 133 00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:06,212 Well, he's off somewhere in Europe. 134 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,132 -You're the boss now. 135 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:15,555 Oh, my God. -There. Now, you own it. 136 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,641 You're so lucky I got a price tag gun. 137 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:22,144 I can't afford that. Plus, I got no place fancy to wear it anyhow. 138 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,899 Well, maybe I have the fix for that. 139 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:40,621 We got a whole table of True Religions. You need a new idea. 140 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:41,664 Mmm-mmm. 141 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,542 These are a third of the price. 142 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,589 -No, don't worry about it. 143 00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,174 -Tell people that it's the new design. 144 00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:55,803 The name's on the label. Hmm? The way they're gonna feel in them is the same. 145 00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:03,060 The only other difference is the extra cash lining your pockets 146 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:06,480 when you sell these full retail. Hmm? 147 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,400 Then we can go to clubs 148 00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:13,613 and fancy restaurants. 149 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,282 Show off this body. 150 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,576 What do you think? 151 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,456 Shit. 152 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,961 Is that the boyfriend? 153 00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:34,342 -I'll be back in 20 minutes. -I'll wait. 154 00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:39,430 I can always wait for you, Princesa. 155 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:50,983 You want to go out to lunch tomorrow? 156 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:53,194 We're out. 157 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:57,031 No, I mean like some place they bring you food to your table. 158 00:10:57,990 --> 00:10:59,033 I like it here. 159 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,879 Stop hoggin' those chips. You wanna look flabby in the ring? 160 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,631 I'm taking a break. 161 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,217 When were you gonna tell me this? 162 00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:19,887 I'm still getting the headaches. And I'm doing good here. 163 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:23,099 I got 30 Pro Access sign ups. 164 00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,351 Thirty more and they make me assistant manager. 165 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:32,608 Sergio called. Luis got picked up selling H last night. 166 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:36,570 He did 167 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:41,659 Everyone's gettin' popped lately. Big Leo, George, Chickie Jr. 168 00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:43,744 All goin' down. 169 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,414 It's good we got out when we did. 170 00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,001 You ever miss it? 171 00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:57,466 We're together. We're safe, we have food. I'm thankful. 172 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,803 I am so thankful for another day 173 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:05,891 in this shit mall with my damp ham and cheese. 174 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,602 Gotta give it a little time. 175 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:13,065 With assistant manager money and what you're making as a manager, 176 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,359 soon we'll be buying Panda Express for lunch. 177 00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,236 Can't wait. 178 00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,032 There. 179 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,829 You are right. This place does make the DMV look cheery. 180 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:30,082 Why don't you have some underpaid laborer knock down that wall 181 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,877 and get yourself some breathing room. You are the warden. 182 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:37,965 ICE has all the power around here. I am just a form-filling figurehead. 183 00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,760 Here, this'll make you feel better. 184 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,261 You can be good 185 00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:45,973 and you can reward yourself for being good. 186 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:47,516 What do you want? 187 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,729 Can we talk without a desk between us? 188 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:57,902 You have as long as it takes me to finish this Tony's Chocolonely. 189 00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:03,449 Then I gotta get back to begging petty bureaucrats for Imam visitation. 190 00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:07,745 I swear, I should get them a special stamp that reads "fuck the ragheads" 191 00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:11,791 for them to pound into anything that says the word "Muslim" on it. 192 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,961 -I saw the doctor this morning. 193 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:21,967 Well, he said my guys are sparse and sleepy "swimmers." 194 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,060 I've never heard you laugh before. 195 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:33,687 It is unnerving. 196 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:38,984 So, what are they gonna do to wake your guys up? 197 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,820 They're gonna pour coffee into my dick. 198 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,279 -No! 199 00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:46,033 I'd have to have a surgery on my balls. 200 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:50,412 Well, as long as your beer can still pops its top, cut 'em open. 201 00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:51,747 No, it's just... 202 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:54,124 It just got me thinking. 203 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,920 Your eggs are old, my sperms are tired. 204 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:02,007 Maybe it's a sign we just sit back and enjoy each other's company. 205 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,425 No fucking way. 206 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,719 I've been shooting my ass up with hormones for months. 207 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,596 You can get a tiny ball surgery. 208 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,057 What do you want me to pass along to a kid, anyway? 209 00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,351 More hair in his ears than on his scalp? 210 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:17,189 Our kid will be 100% me. My genes are not recessive. 211 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,691 I don't think science works like that. 212 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:24,446 Fine. It can be one percent you. There are parts of you I like. 213 00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:27,867 -Uh-huh. 214 00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:34,874 -Your puppy dog eyes are tolerable. 215 00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,919 That'll do, Fig. That will do. 216 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,179 You're getting the surgery. 217 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:52,558 I am not getting my balls fucking snipped. 218 00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:56,729 My balls are cut off every day here. Do you see me quitting? 219 00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:59,064 No more cutting balls talk. 220 00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:04,737 Really? 221 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,450 Where's the rest of that chocolate? 222 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:17,666 Oh. Uh... -Mmm. 223 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,793 Please come in. I'm so sorry 224 00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:22,296 about the food-meeting double tasking. 225 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,173 My Gyrotonic teacher was late this morning. 226 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,550 It snowballed my entire day. Please sit. 227 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:44,318 I know you may have heard about the programs. 228 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:45,653 What programs? 229 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:52,451 Oh, the GED and motivational courses for the inmates. 230 00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:55,704 N-- Nothing even worth talking about, really. 231 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,748 How much is this costing me? 232 00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:59,875 Nothing. They're all volunteer led. 233 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,460 -Then, great! -Yeah. 234 00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,879 That's a solid talking point for your Channel 3 News interview. 235 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,007 Although, when you say it to the camera, really sell it. 236 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,509 You know, something like, 237 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:12,471 "We have an array of exciting motivational courses available to all of our inmates." 238 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:13,806 Um, what interview? 239 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,392 Did you not get the press release from this morning? 240 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,228 We are shutting down the Psych Ward 241 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,063 and converting it into more inmate housing. 242 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,858 Wow. Uh... wow. 243 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,819 I know. That's exciting, right? 244 00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:28,988 Uh, we're not concerned about 245 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:32,199 how we're gonna handle Psych inmates with gen pop? 246 00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:33,742 They were in Psych for a reason. 247 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,703 I've already spoken to several federal hospitals 248 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:39,164 and they have room for some of our more challenging patients. 249 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,709 And the rest you can just take care of with medications. 250 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:44,378 It's a buyer's market for lithium now. We should really stock up. 251 00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:48,173 Well, meds aren't all one size fits all. 252 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,884 There's also Thorazine or Prolixin. 253 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,722 You know, you should spend some time with our PolyCon approval manual. 254 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:55,889 It lists all the medications 255 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,683 -that we get special rates on. -Mmm. 256 00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:02,062 Full-priced medications are for suckers, am I right 257 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:05,232 Hurray for corporate discounts. Here are your talking points. 258 00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,316 Whoa. 259 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,945 I'm-- I'm not sure I'm the best person to be talking about this. 260 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,031 I've never even done an interview before. 261 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:16,994 You'll be great! The young, fresh, ethnic face of Litchfield Max. 262 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,620 The camera will love you. 263 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:22,249 And wear your hair just like that. It's wonderful. 264 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,837 This is going to be an important week. 265 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,758 We are going to be writing letters to people from our past who-- 266 00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:34,470 Ooh! I'm gonna write Raleigh Peck, from high school. He played quarterback. 267 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,346 Dibs on Eckhart Tolle. 268 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,057 I am writing to Tolle. 269 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:41,226 His Power of Now calendar is my flashlight cutting through the fog, 270 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,436 so back the fuck off. 271 00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:46,774 Ladies, ladies, ladies. Please, let me clarify. 272 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,234 You'll be writing an apology 273 00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:55,115 to someone who was a victim of something you did in the past. 274 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,992 But what if my crime don't got a victim? 275 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,994 Right. I'm innocent, too. 276 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:02,372 Doesn't necessarily have to be the victim of the crimes that got you in here. 277 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:05,209 So you're talking about the crimes we didn't get caught for? 278 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,002 Get off the crime of it. 279 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:12,466 And think about the trauma you might have inflicted on someone, 280 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,470 intentionally or unintentionally. 281 00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:24,686 All right, let's do a visualization exercise, huh? 282 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:26,647 Everyone close your eyes. 283 00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:31,360 Come on, come on. Close your eyes. Yeah? 284 00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:38,408 Imagine you're getting into an elevator with another person 285 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,453 and you can't see their face yet 286 00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:44,081 because they're staring down at their phone. 287 00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:45,791 So fucking rude. 288 00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:49,169 Shh! You're fucking rude for interrupting. 289 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,963 The elevator's going up. 290 00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,925 Seventh floor. Eighth floor. 291 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,094 Ninth floor. 292 00:18:57,177 --> 00:19:00,848 All of a sudden, the elevator shakes and gets stuck. 293 00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,684 You turn to the other person for help 294 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:10,732 only to realize it's someone you did something horrible to. 295 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,027 Who is that person, 296 00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:17,364 hmm, you'd hate to be trapped on that elevator with? 297 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,579 I'm gonna write a letter to Raleigh Peck's girlfriend. 298 00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:26,999 I'm taking the stairs instead. 299 00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:29,626 I'm the real victim here. Where's my fucking letter? 300 00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:35,007 My mom left and didn't write no letter. My dad's an asshole, no letter. 301 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:40,596 I took the fall for the riot. My man's moving in with some bitch. 302 00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:43,015 I mean, I should write myself a letter. 303 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:46,393 "Dear self, sorry everyone in your life's been shit." 304 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,104 Try to dig a little deeper. 305 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,191 All right, come on. Let's get to it. 306 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,783 Give it a shot. 307 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:07,623 Hayes, is there a problem? Let's talk about it. 308 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,376 You were in my imagination elevator. 309 00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,129 My letter is to you. 310 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,465 Didn't you kill your kids? 311 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:20,010 Yeah, but they-- they can't read. 312 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,728 Princesa, when you gonna break up with that guy? 313 00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:32,773 When you gonna leave your wife? 314 00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:34,983 As soon as you leave yours, I'll leave mine. 315 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:37,069 It's complicated. 316 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,073 We got history. He got me out of my dad's house. 317 00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:42,866 Do you love him? 318 00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:44,910 I love you. 319 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,705 -You're fun. -Hmm. Mmm-hmm. 320 00:20:49,122 --> 00:20:51,041 And you talk. 321 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,544 It sure ain't like that with him. But... 322 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:57,965 you gotta give me some time to do it right. 323 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,969 I owe him that much. 324 00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:03,011 Maria? 325 00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:07,849 There's a lady doing weird shit out here. I can't deal. 326 00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,654 What the 327 00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:25,242 What are you, some kinda pervert? Get outta here. 328 00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,159 I need to speak to your manager. 329 00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:28,036 I'm the manager. Out, before I call the cops. 330 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,288 I am the cops. 331 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:32,874 And you're under arrest for trafficking in counterfeit goods. 332 00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:41,466 You two? You-- You looked so good in those jeans I sold you the other day. 333 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:44,136 That's because they are real True Religion jeans. 334 00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:46,221 Right from the factory in Los Angeles. 335 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,432 No, my guess is they came from China. 336 00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:50,142 All fakes have that mildewy smell 337 00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:53,895 because manufacturers stuff 'em in plastic bags before they're even dry. 338 00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:57,941 People like you make my job too easy. Now, move. Move your feet. 339 00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:02,863 Hey. 340 00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:05,407 Hey, who's gonna close up? 341 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:06,825 Thanks for letting me in. Well, normally I couldn't do this, 342 00:22:09,077 --> 00:22:12,581 but our head guard is currently locked in the break room crying, 343 00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,499 so I think I can do anything I want. 344 00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,971 Don't come in here unless you have a death wish. 345 00:22:30,390 --> 00:22:34,144 Jesus Christ! There's something dead in here. 346 00:22:34,978 --> 00:22:38,023 -No, it's my soul. 347 00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:42,694 You feeling okay? You walked out on class. 348 00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:46,365 There's no point in going if I won't finish. 349 00:22:46,990 --> 00:22:48,408 I'm getting out next week. 350 00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:53,622 Congratulations! That is amazing, Hayes. 351 00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:57,250 Come back to class. 352 00:22:58,126 --> 00:23:00,837 Huh? We'll come up with a plan for you to keep it going on the outside. 353 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:05,258 I'm only getting out 'cause I fucked over my best friend. 354 00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:07,386 Ain't no letter gonna fix what I done. 355 00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:09,846 You don't believe that. 356 00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:12,641 You showed up to restorative justice class. 357 00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:14,309 You made that choice for yourself. 358 00:23:14,976 --> 00:23:18,230 'Cause I didn't want to end up like no... 359 00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:22,734 crazy, old, smelly-ass, cockroach-loving hoarder. 360 00:23:25,570 --> 00:23:29,032 But now, I get it. This is my punishment. 361 00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:32,994 I don't know what this is, but you served your time. 362 00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:34,496 You can leave it all behind. 363 00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:36,623 You build whatever life you want out there. 364 00:23:36,706 --> 00:23:38,959 I don't deserve to be released. 365 00:23:39,042 --> 00:23:40,168 Come back to class. 366 00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:43,588 Work on being the person that deserves it. 367 00:23:45,966 --> 00:23:48,176 Don't focus on what you can't fix. 368 00:23:48,802 --> 00:23:50,720 Focus on what you can. 369 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:55,434 Yeah, while you're fixing stuff, maybe get to that toilet. 370 00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:57,060 It hasn't worked in days. 371 00:24:01,815 --> 00:24:02,899 Get out of this cell. 372 00:24:03,483 --> 00:24:06,528 Fresh air'll give you a new perspective and some sanity. 373 00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,572 See you in class. 374 00:24:10,574 --> 00:24:12,909 Yeah. One day, 375 00:24:12,993 --> 00:24:16,621 some do-gooder'll start a recycling program here, 376 00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:19,416 and I'm gonna be ready. 377 00:24:19,499 --> 00:24:21,001 I'll make a killing. 378 00:24:40,228 --> 00:24:43,648 Hey. How's intel coming along? 379 00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:45,233 Nothing good yet. 380 00:24:45,817 --> 00:24:47,319 Then why you out here? 381 00:24:48,695 --> 00:24:51,114 I got other shit I gotta deal with first. 382 00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:54,618 Oh, yeah? Shit that's more important than our little project? 383 00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,458 Cindy's getting out on early release. 384 00:25:01,958 --> 00:25:05,921 She lied on the stand, she betrayed me, and she gets to go free. 385 00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:11,968 -Fuck. -Yep. 386 00:25:15,013 --> 00:25:19,935 Look at her rubbin' her little freedom Cheetos in your face. 387 00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:22,437 -That's some mad disrespect right there. -I know. 388 00:25:23,271 --> 00:25:24,898 What should we do to her? 389 00:25:24,981 --> 00:25:27,943 "We"? You know I ain't got no money. 390 00:25:29,277 --> 00:25:32,197 Nah. This one's on me. 391 00:25:33,073 --> 00:25:36,326 See, rats, they bring disease. They make everybody sick. 392 00:25:37,702 --> 00:25:40,956 And you my lifer-sister, at least until you pay me to die. 393 00:25:42,582 --> 00:25:43,875 You know what? 394 00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:46,503 I could have Adeola teach her how gravity works. 395 00:25:46,586 --> 00:25:51,341 Nah, man. I don't want to have nobody getting thrown off no balcony. 396 00:25:51,424 --> 00:25:54,302 Or maybe we could plant a shiv? 397 00:25:55,262 --> 00:25:57,639 Hmm? Steal her date. 398 00:25:58,807 --> 00:25:59,766 Hmm. 399 00:26:01,851 --> 00:26:04,729 But I really don't want to see her face around here no more. 400 00:26:05,438 --> 00:26:08,775 What do you care? You're not gonna be here for much longer. 401 00:26:11,152 --> 00:26:12,737 Oh, shit. 402 00:26:13,738 --> 00:26:16,616 Yo, we could rearrange her face like on some Picasso shit. 403 00:26:17,450 --> 00:26:20,412 Yeah, I think this is something I gotta do myself. 404 00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:24,374 Hey, I'm Jason. I'm an addict. 405 00:26:24,457 --> 00:26:26,001 Hi, Jason. 406 00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:30,088 Ten years ago today, I took my last 15 oxys. 407 00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:33,592 And it's because 408 00:26:33,675 --> 00:26:35,093 -all of you kept repeating... 409 00:26:35,176 --> 00:26:38,054 ...this mantra to me until I finally believed it. 410 00:26:38,513 --> 00:26:41,016 "Keep coming back because you're worth it." 411 00:26:42,892 --> 00:26:45,520 Oh, man, I thought it was so corny at first. 412 00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:47,689 But I kept coming back 413 00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:50,942 because people like you kept telling me to come back. 414 00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:57,490 And then one day I finally heard it. I'm worth it. 415 00:26:58,491 --> 00:27:00,368 I had never let myself think that before 416 00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:03,121 because my parents never allowed me to think that. 417 00:27:03,204 --> 00:27:07,000 It wasn't enough to be a great swimmer. I had to be perfect. 418 00:27:07,751 --> 00:27:11,921 This meant no hanging out with friends, definitely no girlfriends. 419 00:27:12,339 --> 00:27:14,591 No TV, no video games. 420 00:27:15,216 --> 00:27:17,052 There were so many rules. 421 00:27:17,135 --> 00:27:20,096 I couldn't even take a bathroom break without being timed. 422 00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:24,017 So when my dad came home with meds from his knee surgery, 423 00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:26,269 I took one. 424 00:27:27,812 --> 00:27:29,439 It was my way of rebelling. 425 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:35,236 I personally put their Imam request on your desk. 426 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,489 It is sitting there right in front of you. 427 00:27:37,572 --> 00:27:41,701 I expect it signed and back on my desk tomorrow morning! 428 00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:48,083 -Yes! 429 00:27:48,875 --> 00:27:50,251 I brought you this. 430 00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:53,296 Mmm. I'm a sucker for a gift bag. 431 00:27:54,798 --> 00:27:56,549 Ta 432 00:27:58,927 --> 00:28:03,556 What about me makes you think I'm a plant person? 433 00:28:04,391 --> 00:28:09,854 I-- I heard that, uh, plants do better with a companion plant. 434 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,316 Even if they hate each other, the hate makes them live longer. 435 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,777 Clearly you've been talking to Joe. 436 00:28:15,860 --> 00:28:19,989 He loves to attribute human emotions to leaves and twigs. 437 00:28:20,073 --> 00:28:23,243 So what have you two merry crusaders hit a wall on? 438 00:28:23,326 --> 00:28:27,872 He said, uh, he's not as good with Linda-related things as you are. 439 00:28:27,956 --> 00:28:30,375 And I've heard how well you've handled her. 440 00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:34,212 Yeah. I handled her so well I ended up here. 441 00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:36,548 So what is the conniving turd up to now? 442 00:28:38,007 --> 00:28:40,719 She is shutting down Psych. 443 00:28:41,094 --> 00:28:43,722 Of course she is. Jesus. 444 00:28:43,805 --> 00:28:46,599 It's probably great for PolyCon's stock projections. 445 00:28:46,683 --> 00:28:50,019 Well, it's dangerous to put Psych inmates with regular inmates. 446 00:28:50,103 --> 00:28:51,604 They need specialized care. 447 00:28:51,688 --> 00:28:53,398 And I've done some research. I've got the numbers-- 448 00:28:53,481 --> 00:28:57,110 Save your energy. That train has left the station. You just have to decide if you wanna get on board, or at least pretend to. 449 00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:06,327 Pretending with Linda is one thing, uh, but she's having me speak to the press. 450 00:29:06,953 --> 00:29:08,830 You're her human shield. I... 451 00:29:09,873 --> 00:29:13,126 I have got to hand it to her. She is outdoing herself. 452 00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:20,133 I'm not a good liar. The press is gonna eat me alive. 453 00:29:24,220 --> 00:29:26,473 No, they won't. 454 00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:31,269 Because I'm going to teach you something. It's called pivot and deflect. 455 00:29:31,853 --> 00:29:33,313 Sounds like a dance move. 456 00:29:33,396 --> 00:29:35,106 It is a dance. 457 00:29:35,190 --> 00:29:39,486 They-- They step forward with a question, you step to the side 458 00:29:39,569 --> 00:29:42,405 and answer the question you wish they'd asked. Got it? 459 00:29:42,489 --> 00:29:45,492 I want to say yes because your face says to, 460 00:29:45,575 --> 00:29:47,076 but I don't got it. 461 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:53,792 Okay, um, pretend you're the interviewer and ask me if I like your present. 462 00:29:53,875 --> 00:29:57,212 Uh... do you like the plant that I gave you? 463 00:29:57,295 --> 00:30:00,799 Uh, that is a great question. 464 00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:04,385 But this isn't about my enjoyment of succulents. 465 00:30:04,469 --> 00:30:09,432 It is about the enjoyment they can bring to everyone. 466 00:30:09,516 --> 00:30:13,686 So I need you to make sure those plants 467 00:30:13,770 --> 00:30:19,025 bring joy to as many people as possible. 468 00:30:20,401 --> 00:30:21,319 Here. 469 00:30:22,403 --> 00:30:26,074 I am so glad that you are doing this. 470 00:30:27,659 --> 00:30:29,410 You are good at this. 471 00:30:32,413 --> 00:30:35,583 "I'm sorry, dear maples of Vermont... 472 00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:40,380 for wasting your sticky sweetness, 473 00:30:41,130 --> 00:30:42,465 your lifeblood, 474 00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:45,093 to drown a man. 475 00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:47,679 I'm sorry, 476 00:30:49,264 --> 00:30:50,682 and I'm thankful." 477 00:30:53,393 --> 00:30:55,395 Some people deserve to die. 478 00:30:57,814 --> 00:30:58,982 All right, then. 479 00:30:59,649 --> 00:31:04,654 I'm not sure that the maples necessarily should be the recipient of your apology, 480 00:31:05,738 --> 00:31:07,240 but it was heartfelt. 481 00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:10,243 I eat pancakes dry as penance. 482 00:31:10,326 --> 00:31:14,205 Okay, then. Uh, Ruiz, you're up. 483 00:31:21,629 --> 00:31:23,172 "Fuck you, Yadriel. 484 00:31:24,841 --> 00:31:30,597 I don't give you permission to take my baby to live with some ho." 485 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:32,223 Time out. Time out. 486 00:31:32,307 --> 00:31:34,893 It's the word "ho," isn't it? I went back and forth on that one. 487 00:31:34,976 --> 00:31:36,936 I know we're not supposed to call each other that no more. 488 00:31:37,020 --> 00:31:38,187 Gotta take it back, ho. 489 00:31:38,271 --> 00:31:40,440 Change it to "puta." Gives it more punch with an ethnic flair. 490 00:31:40,815 --> 00:31:42,233 It's not why I stopped you. 491 00:31:42,317 --> 00:31:45,111 I stopped you because it doesn't sound like a letter to your victim. 492 00:31:45,194 --> 00:31:47,071 But I don't got a victim, remember? 493 00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:49,866 All I did was sell some bitches a few fake clothes. 494 00:31:49,949 --> 00:31:52,452 They wanted brand names, I gave them brand names. 495 00:31:52,535 --> 00:31:54,078 So who's the victim there? 496 00:31:54,162 --> 00:31:56,164 -Fuck a Gucci. 497 00:31:56,456 --> 00:32:00,835 I am the victim, so I wrote a letter to one of my victimizers. 498 00:32:00,919 --> 00:32:02,211 That wasn't the assignment. 499 00:32:02,545 --> 00:32:04,297 That one over there apologized to trees. 500 00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:06,382 At least it was an apology. 501 00:32:06,966 --> 00:32:11,179 Uh, my advice, go back and give it another try. 502 00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:13,681 Well, nobody asked you, Dear Abby. 503 00:32:15,433 --> 00:32:16,726 Sorry I'm late. 504 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,398 Letter took longer than I thought. 505 00:32:22,482 --> 00:32:24,192 I'm glad to have you back. 506 00:32:26,110 --> 00:32:27,612 You 507 00:32:27,695 --> 00:32:30,239 Does everything that happens in here stay in here? 508 00:32:31,658 --> 00:32:33,785 Of course. Right, ladies? 509 00:32:33,868 --> 00:32:35,370 I'll keep your secrets like Vegas. 510 00:32:35,453 --> 00:32:38,456 That stuff always ends up on the Instagram. 511 00:32:38,539 --> 00:32:40,792 I'll keep your secrets like we're in Fight Club. 512 00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:50,385 Um... 513 00:32:50,969 --> 00:32:54,597 So I have a lot of victims, 514 00:32:54,681 --> 00:32:57,308 and some of them I can't do anything about right now, 515 00:32:58,351 --> 00:33:02,021 so I decided to start with someone I hope I'm seein' first when I get out. 516 00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:08,444 "Dear Ma, I'm sorry. 517 00:33:11,030 --> 00:33:13,199 I don't think I ever said that to you, 518 00:33:13,783 --> 00:33:16,369 but if you had a dollar for every time I should have said it, 519 00:33:17,078 --> 00:33:20,206 you'd be hanging with those Amazon and Facebook dudes, countin' your money." 520 00:33:20,289 --> 00:33:21,874 "At the top of the list, 521 00:33:24,377 --> 00:33:28,214 I'm sorry I stuck you with raising my baby as your own. 522 00:33:31,592 --> 00:33:37,098 I'm especially sorry if she's anything like me. 523 00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:42,395 I'm also sorry I tried to take her away from you. 524 00:33:44,147 --> 00:33:46,607 I know that I may be her birth mom, 525 00:33:48,192 --> 00:33:50,111 but you are her mom-mom. 526 00:33:52,822 --> 00:33:54,907 You're the person that's been in her face 527 00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:58,494 every day, whether she likes it or not. 528 00:33:59,537 --> 00:34:02,081 The person who makes her egg and bacon smiles, 529 00:34:02,957 --> 00:34:06,127 gives her boob-smother hugs when she's sick, 530 00:34:07,003 --> 00:34:10,298 and knows what Slurpee flavor will get her to smile. 531 00:34:16,095 --> 00:34:19,182 I know how much the truth would hurt both you and Monica, 532 00:34:19,265 --> 00:34:20,641 so this is the last time 533 00:34:21,934 --> 00:34:24,729 I'll talk about giving birth to her. 534 00:34:27,273 --> 00:34:29,442 And it'll be my first step towards being the person 535 00:34:29,525 --> 00:34:30,735 you'd be proud to call your daughter. 536 00:34:33,821 --> 00:34:36,532 I hope we can all live together when I get out, so... 537 00:34:40,244 --> 00:34:42,371 so I can make it up to both of you. 538 00:34:44,415 --> 00:34:47,126 Love, your daughter, Cindy." 539 00:34:55,551 --> 00:34:56,636 That's great. 540 00:35:05,228 --> 00:35:09,524 You have to position the claw over the body, not the head. 541 00:35:12,318 --> 00:35:14,362 Use your common sense. 542 00:35:16,322 --> 00:35:18,324 Yeah? -You picked up! 543 00:35:18,699 --> 00:35:19,909 Stop calling me. 544 00:35:19,992 --> 00:35:21,911 I want to apologize. 545 00:35:22,370 --> 00:35:24,288 Please let me say I'm sorry. 546 00:35:26,457 --> 00:35:30,837 I got greedy and I made the wrong choice. I know that. 547 00:35:31,754 --> 00:35:33,965 -We were done with all that. I know. 548 00:35:34,715 --> 00:35:36,300 And I screwed up our life. 549 00:35:38,094 --> 00:35:41,264 Don't you know how much I wish I was in that food court right now, 550 00:35:41,347 --> 00:35:42,974 eating sandwiches with you? 551 00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:47,937 I can't do this. Please don't call anymore. 552 00:35:48,354 --> 00:35:50,773 Yadriel, wait. I'm pregnant. 553 00:35:54,485 --> 00:35:55,778 Yadriel, you there? 554 00:35:58,072 --> 00:35:59,073 When did that happen? I don't know, 555 00:36:03,202 --> 00:36:05,204 but you're the only one I've been with. 556 00:36:09,834 --> 00:36:11,711 Yadriel 557 00:36:13,546 --> 00:36:14,505 Yadriel. 558 00:36:18,217 --> 00:36:19,343 I'm gonna be a daddy. 559 00:36:23,139 --> 00:36:24,182 Yeah. 560 00:36:25,183 --> 00:36:27,935 Yeah. Yeah, you are. 561 00:36:29,979 --> 00:36:31,105 It's two-ply. 562 00:36:35,067 --> 00:36:36,152 Yeah, you are. 563 00:36:41,574 --> 00:36:42,617 Take a seat. 564 00:36:42,700 --> 00:36:43,826 Good, good. 565 00:36:45,953 --> 00:36:47,288 -Shh. 566 00:36:47,371 --> 00:36:50,416 Niall is cock-blocking Adam from stealing Kendall's pussy away. 567 00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:54,378 Why are we watching a bunch of Brexit voters in bikinis? 568 00:36:54,462 --> 00:36:57,423 -You know they didn't vote. -Which was a vote for Brexit. 569 00:36:57,506 --> 00:36:59,300 But abs. 570 00:36:59,967 --> 00:37:01,052 You gotta stop. 571 00:37:02,470 --> 00:37:05,932 It's already eating your brain. Come on, now, tell me about your day. 572 00:37:06,015 --> 00:37:10,019 No, I want the hot glistening bodies to zap away my brain and my day. 573 00:37:10,102 --> 00:37:11,938 -...you've got to keep your cards-- I can't. 574 00:37:12,021 --> 00:37:13,231 I'm just a bit out there. 575 00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:16,943 Well, I had a real breakthrough in Restorative Justice today. 576 00:37:17,026 --> 00:37:20,738 Yeah, I don't want to hear about your Dangerous Minds bullshit 577 00:37:20,821 --> 00:37:22,573 while I'm stuck making the world worse 578 00:37:22,657 --> 00:37:25,326 at the horror version of Coming to America. 579 00:37:25,409 --> 00:37:27,870 Well, at least we're canceling each other out. 580 00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:29,497 Ha-ha-ha. 581 00:37:29,580 --> 00:37:32,166 Why don't you do good and go make me some dinner? 582 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,794 I did get you a gift at the market. 583 00:37:34,877 --> 00:37:37,004 Better not be another succulent. 584 00:37:37,797 --> 00:37:40,424 "Two can hate each other and still live." 585 00:37:40,508 --> 00:37:42,635 If I learned anything from Love Island, 586 00:37:42,718 --> 00:37:45,179 it's that three will tear each other apart. 587 00:37:51,060 --> 00:37:53,479 Unless you're planning on incorporating this 588 00:37:53,562 --> 00:37:57,358 into a deceptively low-carb carbonara, not interested. 589 00:37:59,402 --> 00:38:00,778 They're not for eating. 590 00:38:01,654 --> 00:38:03,948 -They're for my balls. -Jesus, Joe. 591 00:38:04,031 --> 00:38:06,450 -I am not kinking the way you're kinking. 592 00:38:06,534 --> 00:38:07,994 They're not for that, either. 593 00:38:08,619 --> 00:38:13,165 The doctor said I'm gonna need them to ice my boys after the surgery. 594 00:38:16,252 --> 00:38:19,463 What happened to taking your balls and staying home? 595 00:38:20,631 --> 00:38:22,842 During the class you won't let me talk about, 596 00:38:24,802 --> 00:38:28,264 I had a realization that maybe I do have something 597 00:38:28,347 --> 00:38:30,391 to contribute to the next generation. 598 00:38:33,227 --> 00:38:36,272 I still don't want to hear about your day, but I'm glad. 599 00:38:36,355 --> 00:38:37,732 The appointment's next week. 600 00:38:37,815 --> 00:38:41,402 Doctor said I'd be healed and doing yoga, if I did that kind of thing. 601 00:38:41,485 --> 00:38:42,987 -Yeah. -But I'll need you to drive me. 602 00:38:43,070 --> 00:38:44,155 Shh. Wait. 603 00:38:44,530 --> 00:38:48,326 Oh, my God. Uh, why are none of these women going for the doctor? 604 00:38:48,409 --> 00:38:51,078 ...Alex has seen some pretty nasty injuries. 605 00:38:51,162 --> 00:38:53,331 But every doctor knows nothing hurts more... 606 00:38:53,414 --> 00:38:54,540 It's important to note 607 00:38:54,623 --> 00:38:57,918 that while the inmates with the most complex mental health needs 608 00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:03,007 will be in great hands at a few select federal psychiatric facilities, 609 00:39:03,090 --> 00:39:06,093 it will also give our inmates with less severe issues 610 00:39:06,177 --> 00:39:10,598 a chance to integrate into gen pop and, hopefully, society. 611 00:39:11,140 --> 00:39:12,516 So you're their advocate? 612 00:39:13,351 --> 00:39:14,977 I am trying to be. 613 00:39:15,061 --> 00:39:19,482 I'm trying to help these women regain a sense of dignity. 614 00:39:19,857 --> 00:39:22,818 It's very important they see themselves as more than inmates. 615 00:39:22,902 --> 00:39:28,407 They're someone's mother, someone's daughter, sister, friend. 616 00:39:28,908 --> 00:39:31,952 And-- And people are interested in hearing what is going to happen to them. 617 00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:34,413 Can you tell me more about your integration plan? 618 00:39:34,997 --> 00:39:36,957 Right. Uh... 619 00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:42,630 You know, I'm glad you brought this up. 620 00:39:42,713 --> 00:39:46,759 This isn't about hypothetical future plans, 621 00:39:46,842 --> 00:39:52,139 it's about the plans we have put in place for our inmates currently. 622 00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:54,683 And I would love to talk to you more 623 00:39:54,767 --> 00:39:59,105 about the new rehabilitative programs we've started. 624 00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:02,733 Studies have shown that these give our inmates 625 00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:05,486 the best chance of success on the outside. 626 00:40:06,195 --> 00:40:09,907 Now, are these programs something Psych inmates can integrate into? 627 00:40:10,449 --> 00:40:14,995 They should really have their own programs specifically tailored to their needs. 628 00:40:15,287 --> 00:40:16,831 Which are? 629 00:40:18,457 --> 00:40:23,045 Uh, we're still looking into those, 630 00:40:23,462 --> 00:40:26,674 uh, dis-- discussing what's possible. 631 00:40:26,757 --> 00:40:29,427 Well, I'm sure whatever you come up with will be amazing. 632 00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:32,388 Especially since you'll have $2.5 million to spend a year. 633 00:40:34,056 --> 00:40:36,183 That's a specific number. 634 00:40:36,267 --> 00:40:39,937 It's what PolyCon is saving a year by closing down the Psychiatric wing. 635 00:40:42,189 --> 00:40:44,942 Right, of course. 636 00:40:45,025 --> 00:40:47,445 Is that not what PolyCon is doing with the money? 637 00:40:49,655 --> 00:40:50,781 It is. 638 00:40:52,575 --> 00:40:54,827 We're putting it back into the prison, 639 00:40:54,910 --> 00:40:58,372 and it will allow us to have 640 00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:04,378 an array of exciting motivational courses available to all our inmates. 641 00:41:04,837 --> 00:41:08,007 And it will include the new programs 642 00:41:08,591 --> 00:41:14,013 and more guards specifically trained for our neurodiverse inmates. 643 00:41:16,390 --> 00:41:18,017 An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison 644 00:41:18,100 --> 00:41:19,852 is attempting to contact you. 645 00:41:19,935 --> 00:41:21,896 Accept. What up? 646 00:41:21,979 --> 00:41:25,858 Hey, girl! Ooh, I was hoping you'd pick up first. 647 00:41:26,275 --> 00:41:27,193 How's school? 648 00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:29,653 -Yeah, girl. 649 00:41:30,112 --> 00:41:32,031 You girl Well, all right, girl... 650 00:41:34,116 --> 00:41:35,993 -Her. 651 00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:39,205 Give me the phone. 652 00:41:39,288 --> 00:41:42,041 You know he married an African princess when he did the peace corps? 653 00:41:42,374 --> 00:41:46,253 Mr. Viktora died last year. I think it was E. coli or something. 654 00:41:46,670 --> 00:41:49,340 -Or maybe he was old. I don't know. -Give me the phone. 655 00:41:49,423 --> 00:41:51,008 -One second. Hmm. 656 00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:54,762 Okay. But you still liking math? 657 00:41:54,845 --> 00:41:56,639 Since when are you interested in math? 658 00:41:56,722 --> 00:41:59,558 Since now. School's important. 659 00:41:59,642 --> 00:42:03,646 Boring. Look, I got some GloZell to catch up on. Bye, girl. 660 00:42:03,729 --> 00:42:05,940 Wait. You still like watching Suite Life with Zack and Cody? 661 00:42:06,232 --> 00:42:08,776 She stopped watching that a while ago. 662 00:42:10,444 --> 00:42:12,613 Hey, Ma. Um... 663 00:42:13,781 --> 00:42:15,491 You got time for me to read you something? 664 00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,160 I'm on my way out. Can you read it to me next week? 665 00:42:18,244 --> 00:42:19,954 I won't be so crazy then. 666 00:42:20,037 --> 00:42:22,831 Well, next week I'm getting out. 667 00:42:29,255 --> 00:42:33,050 I'm sorry for everything I've done to you, Ma. 668 00:42:33,551 --> 00:42:37,137 And-- And I know I got a long way to go to get you to trust me again, 669 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,227 but can I stay with you guys? 670 00:42:49,066 --> 00:42:52,903 If you were to live with us, there'd have to be some rules. 671 00:42:53,487 --> 00:42:57,199 This is a sensitive time in Monica's life 672 00:42:57,283 --> 00:43:01,412 and I don't want you coming in here all Hurricane Cindy like you do. 673 00:43:01,495 --> 00:43:04,373 Yes, of course. Of course, Ma. 674 00:43:04,456 --> 00:43:08,085 I will live by whatever rules you need me to. 675 00:43:08,168 --> 00:43:10,921 -You won't get a pass this time. -Understood. 676 00:43:13,048 --> 00:43:15,050 I'm trying to change, Ma. 677 00:43:16,385 --> 00:43:18,304 I want you to be proud of me. 678 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,894 Well, we'll see how things go, then. 679 00:43:27,938 --> 00:43:30,816 Now, how do we come and get you? 680 00:43:36,905 --> 00:43:38,574 Come on! Come on! Come on! 681 00:44:03,432 --> 00:44:04,850 Don't make me laugh! 682 00:44:57,736 --> 00:44:59,363 You move like a snail. 683 00:44:59,446 --> 00:45:01,699 It is a miracle we haven't been caught yet. 684 00:45:04,910 --> 00:45:06,537 I tried something new today. 685 00:45:08,747 --> 00:45:12,710 Is that mine? Are you fucking single white female 686 00:45:13,127 --> 00:45:15,796 No, uh... Here. Touch. 687 00:45:21,510 --> 00:45:24,596 You have abs. Good for you. Now, put that back where you found it. 688 00:45:24,972 --> 00:45:26,181 I wish I had abs. 689 00:45:26,265 --> 00:45:29,351 If I did, I'd enter a bikini contest and win the prize money. 690 00:45:29,435 --> 00:45:33,480 These are chargers. We can smuggle so many more in this way. 691 00:45:36,316 --> 00:45:37,443 Impressive. 692 00:45:39,111 --> 00:45:40,571 Will you help me take it off? 693 00:45:41,864 --> 00:45:42,823 I can't... 694 00:45:58,922 --> 00:46:00,382 Where in Texas are you from? 695 00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:03,051 Oh, that? No, um... 696 00:46:03,135 --> 00:46:05,846 When I was little, we were studying Native Americans, 697 00:46:05,929 --> 00:46:10,350 and I learned that the Hasinai tribal word "texas" means "Hello, friend." 698 00:46:10,434 --> 00:46:12,519 It just stuck with me. 699 00:46:12,853 --> 00:46:14,313 Couldn't have gone with "aloha"? 700 00:46:15,397 --> 00:46:16,356 Your turn. 701 00:46:17,232 --> 00:46:19,860 I think I can manage my own bustier. 702 00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:23,489 It's tricky with the chargers. It'll be faster if I do it. 703 00:46:35,292 --> 00:46:37,336 At least my tattoo isn't a cliché. 704 00:46:37,419 --> 00:46:40,672 Fuck you. That's my lucky star. 705 00:46:41,006 --> 00:46:42,174 I'm sure it is. 706 00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:55,813 There. 707 00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:00,108 You're like a suicide bomber. 708 00:47:02,319 --> 00:47:03,612 I should get back. 709 00:47:07,115 --> 00:47:08,116 Bye. 710 00:47:19,461 --> 00:47:21,839 What's so important you needed to tell me in person? 711 00:47:25,050 --> 00:47:26,134 I want to read you a letter. 712 00:47:26,718 --> 00:47:28,846 You know how hard it is to find somebody on short notice 713 00:47:28,929 --> 00:47:30,180 to take care of Pepa? Next time, mail it to me. 714 00:47:33,016 --> 00:47:34,351 This isn't easy for me, all right? 715 00:47:34,434 --> 00:47:36,812 So just let me read it before I change my mind. 716 00:47:49,533 --> 00:47:51,869 "I want to apologize for a lot of things. 717 00:47:54,246 --> 00:47:56,874 I'm sorry I didn't trust how you were raising Pepa. 718 00:47:58,667 --> 00:48:01,128 You're the one out there with her every day. 719 00:48:02,337 --> 00:48:05,090 The one who picked up the pieces when I fucked up. 720 00:48:07,426 --> 00:48:10,596 I made a lot of bad choices the past few years, 721 00:48:10,679 --> 00:48:15,267 but the one thing I did right was choosing you to be Pepa's daddy. 722 00:48:21,815 --> 00:48:24,526 I understand you got to move on with your life. 723 00:48:26,278 --> 00:48:27,988 I've held you back long enough. 724 00:48:28,989 --> 00:48:31,199 What I'm trying to say is, 725 00:48:31,283 --> 00:48:34,453 I want what's good for you, 'cause that's what's good for Pepa." 726 00:48:39,708 --> 00:48:40,918 Thank you. I'm not done. 727 00:48:44,922 --> 00:48:46,757 I'm trusting you out there with her. 728 00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:51,386 So I need you to trust me in here with her. 729 00:48:52,471 --> 00:48:54,431 I want you to start bringing her again. 730 00:48:55,474 --> 00:48:57,017 She should know who her mommy is. 731 00:48:57,100 --> 00:48:59,686 You know I don't want her thinking this place is an option for her. 732 00:48:59,770 --> 00:49:01,688 Believe me, you bring her here 733 00:49:01,772 --> 00:49:03,941 and I'll show her how this is not an option. 734 00:49:05,484 --> 00:49:07,027 She's gonna ask about me. 735 00:49:08,946 --> 00:49:10,405 So it's better to be ahead of it. 736 00:49:11,823 --> 00:49:12,824 Okay. 737 00:49:14,201 --> 00:49:17,579 But if she starts going down the wrong road, we stop coming. 738 00:49:18,497 --> 00:49:20,457 We'll make those decisions together. 739 00:49:24,127 --> 00:49:25,379 I can do that. 740 00:49:31,385 --> 00:49:32,427 One more thing. 741 00:49:33,261 --> 00:49:36,640 I want to meet this new woman that Pepa's spending her time with. 742 00:49:40,018 --> 00:49:41,019 What's her name? 743 00:49:43,522 --> 00:49:44,898 Her name's Maria. Are you fuckin' kidding me? 744 00:49:47,442 --> 00:49:50,654 Oh, fuck you, you fucking pussy. 745 00:49:50,737 --> 00:49:52,322 Who got voted off the island? 746 00:49:53,657 --> 00:49:58,495 Litvack denied my Imam request in an email while I'm out of the office. 747 00:49:58,578 --> 00:49:59,579 Fucking coward. 748 00:49:59,663 --> 00:50:02,374 He says, and I quote, "We can't have women congregating 749 00:50:02,457 --> 00:50:04,751 and speaking in foreign languages." 750 00:50:05,127 --> 00:50:07,504 Those guys keep things as hellish as possible 751 00:50:07,587 --> 00:50:10,549 so those women beg to be deported. 752 00:50:10,632 --> 00:50:13,969 I'm just another cog in their shit machine. 753 00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:17,597 Well, maybe it's time to take a step back. 754 00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:19,391 Reassess what you want. 755 00:50:20,892 --> 00:50:23,854 I've been much happier since someone very wise 756 00:50:23,937 --> 00:50:27,190 told me I could make more of a difference outside the system. 757 00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:29,818 Refer to me as sexy, not wise. 758 00:50:29,901 --> 00:50:32,446 And, unlike you, I have no illusions of making a difference. 759 00:50:32,529 --> 00:50:35,323 Now, be quiet, so I can start watching episode 38. 760 00:50:35,699 --> 00:50:36,825 Time to go! 761 00:50:38,243 --> 00:50:40,871 All right. Let's wake up the troops! 762 00:50:44,207 --> 00:50:48,754 Did you post something about my surgery on Facebook? 763 00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:52,257 According to Facebook, I'm still happily married, so, no. 764 00:50:52,340 --> 00:50:56,094 Also, I haven't logged in since the Russians took over. 765 00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:59,347 I'm getting a lot of love and support. 766 00:50:59,431 --> 00:51:00,265 Excuse me. 767 00:51:01,975 --> 00:51:03,977 -That's weird. 768 00:51:35,634 --> 00:51:37,511 Mrs. Caputo, this is where we leave you. 769 00:51:37,594 --> 00:51:39,888 As if I would ever take your name. Come. 770 00:51:40,889 --> 00:51:43,892 -Give me a second. Just a minute. -Stop stalling! Come on! The sooner we do this, the sooner we get to babymaking. 771 00:51:55,362 --> 00:51:57,239 Be nice to the nice nurse. 772 00:52:02,327 --> 00:52:05,038 Hayes... Ugh. You ready? 773 00:52:09,334 --> 00:52:12,587 Well, it's been interesting living with you. 774 00:52:13,421 --> 00:52:14,840 You leaving your stuff here? 775 00:52:15,215 --> 00:52:18,593 Yeah. I don't want to take this place with me. 776 00:52:19,344 --> 00:52:22,180 Well, what am I supposed to do with all that junk? 777 00:52:23,890 --> 00:52:27,853 Well, good luck to you. Hope I never see you again. 778 00:52:33,859 --> 00:52:35,569 Hold up. Can you give me a minute? 779 00:52:36,403 --> 00:52:39,322 You wanna stay in prison longer? Knock yourself out. 780 00:52:42,367 --> 00:52:43,368 Oh! 781 00:52:46,163 --> 00:52:49,416 "Slams the body down." 782 00:52:57,757 --> 00:53:02,095 Uh... this is like Christmas gifts and hide-and-seek 783 00:53:02,179 --> 00:53:05,182 and cooking soufflés and bathroom stalls. No peeking. 784 00:53:08,518 --> 00:53:10,687 I'm gonna miss you, Suzanne. Oh. 785 00:53:15,358 --> 00:53:17,402 I'm gonna miss you, too. 786 00:53:18,945 --> 00:53:19,946 Mmm. 787 00:53:21,656 --> 00:53:22,574 Wait. 788 00:53:24,784 --> 00:53:28,914 -I'm leaving. Like leaving-leaving. 789 00:53:30,624 --> 00:53:31,666 No. 790 00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:35,712 No, no, no. 791 00:53:35,795 --> 00:53:39,257 You-- You-- You can't go. You can't go. 792 00:53:39,341 --> 00:53:41,968 I'm not done writing. 793 00:53:42,052 --> 00:53:48,350 I mean, does canceled have one "L" or two? And is it "affect" or "effect"? 794 00:53:48,433 --> 00:53:52,187 There's so many questions and so little time to fix you and Taystee! 795 00:53:52,270 --> 00:53:53,521 You can't... 796 00:54:02,155 --> 00:54:03,406 Thank you. 797 00:54:08,161 --> 00:54:12,040 Thank you for always trying to make things better. 798 00:54:13,583 --> 00:54:15,794 I got a lot to learn from you. 799 00:54:20,674 --> 00:54:22,592 I'm gonna write you letters. 800 00:54:27,264 --> 00:54:30,934 I'mma call you to see how you're doing. 801 00:54:36,064 --> 00:54:37,107 "See"? 802 00:54:39,901 --> 00:54:41,820 But I won't see what you're doing. 803 00:54:43,238 --> 00:54:45,865 'Cause it's a phone. 804 00:54:52,372 --> 00:54:54,374 Oh. Oh. 805 00:54:59,421 --> 00:55:01,881 Will you send me pictures of you doing fun stuff? 806 00:55:01,965 --> 00:55:06,136 Like riding a bicycle, or... Do you ride bicycles? 807 00:55:06,219 --> 00:55:07,137 Yes. 808 00:55:08,638 --> 00:55:10,557 Or ice-skating when it's cold. 809 00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:14,811 Or roller-skating when it's hot. General movement with wheels. 810 00:55:15,270 --> 00:55:16,563 Oh, except for scooters. 811 00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:20,233 'Cause my dad says adults on scooters look like idiots. 812 00:55:21,943 --> 00:55:26,156 But secretly, I think they look kind of fun. 813 00:55:41,921 --> 00:55:44,799 -I heard Cindy got out today. -I know. 814 00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:48,595 And you're okay with her walking out there free like that? 815 00:55:50,055 --> 00:55:52,682 You shoulda let me messed up her face when we had the chance. 816 00:55:52,766 --> 00:55:56,436 I thought about that. But I'm pretty confident her life 817 00:55:56,519 --> 00:55:59,397 is gonna be what she deserves on the outside. 818 00:56:05,153 --> 00:56:07,405 'Cause life likes to test you like that. 819 00:56:08,073 --> 00:56:14,245 ♪ Inside you lives Every song you never sung ♪ 820 00:56:16,373 --> 00:56:21,211 ♪ Waiting for the preachers Find a prayer ♪ 821 00:56:24,130 --> 00:56:29,844 ♪ We have a way Of trying to pray forever ♪ 822 00:56:34,724 --> 00:56:36,893 You can choose to do what's right, 823 00:56:36,976 --> 00:56:39,979 or you can choose to do what you know is wrong. 824 00:56:40,063 --> 00:56:46,069 ♪ I can't help but wonder Why I listen to you... ♪ 825 00:56:50,448 --> 00:56:52,659 And when you make a bad choice, 826 00:56:52,742 --> 00:56:56,496 living with what you've done can be its own punishment. 827 00:56:56,579 --> 00:57:02,544 ♪ But every person that I ever knew ♪ 828 00:57:03,128 --> 00:57:05,296 'Cause you can be sure as shit 829 00:57:05,380 --> 00:57:08,049 those skeletons will come back to haunt you. 830 00:57:10,885 --> 00:57:11,970 Cindy! 831 00:57:13,513 --> 00:57:16,724 Yo! 832 00:57:16,808 --> 00:57:18,726 Sayonara, suckers! 833 00:57:18,810 --> 00:57:21,354 Y'all can kiss my black ass. 834 00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:23,440 Kiss it, kiss it, kiss it, kiss it! 835 00:57:23,523 --> 00:57:28,027 Really, Cindy? You have to scream profanity? 836 00:57:28,486 --> 00:57:29,696 Oh, my baby. 837 00:57:31,823 --> 00:57:33,366 Oh! 838 00:57:34,659 --> 00:57:36,035 Hey, girl. 839 00:57:36,119 --> 00:57:38,788 Come on, bring it in, Monica. Look at you, girl. 840 00:57:41,416 --> 00:57:42,917 So big. 841 00:57:44,544 --> 00:57:46,838 Yo, is that what I think it is? 842 00:57:46,921 --> 00:57:48,882 Half orange, half Coke. 843 00:57:48,965 --> 00:57:53,052 -Orange Coke! Thank you, Ma! 844 00:58:01,102 --> 00:58:05,315 ♪ Oh, I wanna forgive it all ♪ 845 00:58:09,277 --> 00:58:14,115 ♪ Oh, I wanna live forever ♪ 846 00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:22,207 ♪ Oh, I wanna forgive it all ♪ 847 00:58:23,875 --> 00:58:30,840 ♪ Oh, I wanna live forever ♪ 848 00:58:35,553 --> 00:58:39,766 ♪ I wanna sing forever ♪ 849 00:58:41,976 --> 00:58:46,731 ♪ I'm throwing stones at my home ♪ 850 00:58:50,235 --> 00:58:55,865 ♪ I'm throwing stones at my home ♪ 851 00:58:58,910 --> 00:59:04,165 ♪ I'm throwing stones at my home ♪