1
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:33,176
Let's get
this booty-shakin' contest started!
2
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:38,681
Let's go, y'all. Show some love
for booty number one!
3
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,604
Okay. I like that.
4
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,983
Make some noise for booty number two!
5
00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:57,575
Okay. That look like it hurt.
6
00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:02,080
Make some noise
for b-- b-- booty number three!
7
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:11,131
Looks like we got a winner!
8
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,845
Never stop believing in yourself.
9
00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:26,020
Oh! Oh, my God! Like, every guy in here
is looking at you right now.
10
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,106
You're like the Nelson Mandela
of thirst trapping.
11
00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:30,024
I don't know who that is, but thank you.
12
00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:39,033
-Check it out.
-Ooh.
13
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:40,869
NBA?
14
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:42,495
Small forward and two guard.
15
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,746
Zero minutes between them,
16
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,540
but they both came out
of defensive systems
17
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:47,709
and it takes a while
to get used to run-and-gun.
18
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,962
Interesting, 'cause I didn't hear anything
after I said "NBA,"
19
00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,672
and you didn't say no.
20
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,008
Okay, I'm gonna laugh now.
21
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,889
-Hi.
-Hi back.
22
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,474
Can we offer you ladies some champagne?
23
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,727
-Oh, no. That's fine--
-We'll take two.
24
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,147
I thought you were only doing
soda with lime
25
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,481
'cause of your parole?
26
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:13,276
I'm not supposed to be in a club either,
okay? Fuck a parole.
27
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:15,862
This is the NBA, girl. Thank you.
28
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,415
I find that I photograph best
in the morning,
29
00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:28,917
when the face skin is tightest.
30
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,919
That sounds wonderful.
What am I doing here?
31
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,462
Sorry, but it couldn't wait.
32
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:38,760
This, um, inmate overdose business?
It's terrible for PR.
33
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:42,513
And it is our third inmate death
in as many months,
34
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,974
and I am facilitating a growth period
right now.
35
00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:47,644
It looks bad. It looks bad.
36
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,314
Do you hear what I'm saying?
It just-- It looks bad.
37
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,776
And we can't have that.
So we need to make some changes.
38
00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:57,278
So, what are you thinking
39
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,280
Additional surveillance equipment?
40
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:00,949
We could bring in a security consultant.
I know this--
41
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:04,077
No, we need something bold.
Something distracting.
42
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:08,039
A shiny object.
I'm replacing you as warden.
43
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:19,717
You know, you really should never
be lit from below.
44
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:21,886
Makes you look like a monster.
45
00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:34,107
-I know. Being alive is hard.
46
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:38,194
I really wanna thank you
for the opportunity to earn my keep.
47
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,781
Oh, well, I'm not gonna say
I'm not conflicted about it,
48
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,366
but, um, it's a good arrangement.
49
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,453
Otherwise, my whole haul from
the craft fair would be going to a sitter.
50
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,414
Now, when you warm up the breast milk,
51
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:53,084
make sure to remove the water
from the heat before they steam,
52
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:56,004
otherwise it murders all the antibodies.
53
00:04:56,087 --> 00:05:00,508
"Steam is murder."
54
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:03,386
You know, I'm sorry
I haven't been super helpful lately.
55
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,304
Uh-huh.
56
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,347
It's just that things with Alex are weird.
57
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,224
You know,
I thought it was a temporary bump,
58
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:12,228
like a bad vacation
or an unsolicited body criticism,
59
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,856
but she's missed
our last two scheduled calls.
60
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,858
-Uh...
61
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:20,320
In the sink, warm water,
and, uh, don't drown her.
62
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:24,032
And her socialization group is at 1:00.
I'll text you the address.
63
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:26,200
"Socialization group."
64
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,661
Yeah. It's basically just a support group
for mommies.
65
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:32,999
They know all about you.
And don't let Maia breastfeed Goodall.
66
00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:35,001
She's trying to get everyone
to round-robin nurse
67
00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:37,670
so the babies get more antibodies,
but I think it's peculiar.
68
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,048
They know all about me?
Do they know that I'm a felon?
69
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,676
I don't think so, but to be honest,
70
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,346
I-- I don't really remember anything
from the last six weeks.
71
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:50,308
There you are.
72
00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,852
-Relax. You'll be fine.
73
00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:54,854
Last week was almost entirely
horror stories about episiotomies gone wrong.
74
00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:58,441
Okay.
75
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:02,445
I am gonna miss you so much!
76
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:07,533
You are smart and funny.
You have wisdom and insight.
77
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:11,579
You deserve equal pay.
And strength is beauty. Ooh.
78
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:13,373
We missed her cue. Shit city.
79
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,458
Make sure to change her
before she gets a rash. Okay. Good luck.
80
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:23,674
I am trusting you with
the most important part of my life.
81
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:26,719
-Don't forget to wipe front to back.
-Uh-huh.
82
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,848
Ooh.
83
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,935
I avoided the pig
for some of the obvious connotations...
84
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:41,943
Hey, miss. Eating up all the cereal,
sitting on your butt, watching TV all day.
85
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:44,695
How 'bout doing some dishes or something?
Make yourself useful. There's only ten more minutes
in this episode.
86
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,951
Finish later. Go contribute.
87
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,079
Nobody gets a free ride around here.
88
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:57,750
You get this back when the sink is empty
and the dishwasher's full.
89
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:00,378
You know how lucky you are
to even have a dishwasher?
90
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,171
You believe these damn kids?
91
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,550
Spoiled already! Getting all used
to the good life and shit.
92
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,803
Corky
93
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:10,638
Huh?
94
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,974
Oh. I-- I'm sorry, honey.
95
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,352
I'm a little out of it this morning.
I gotta run.
96
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:18,896
Ain't you forgetting something?
97
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,190
I'm sorry, I don't know
what I was thinking.
98
00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:24,819
-I'm kissing you goodbye.
99
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:29,866
You forgot this.
100
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:34,036
I told you about
Daya's friend Daddy, the OD, right?
101
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,122
Yeah, thanks for the update.
What am I supposed to do with that?
102
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:38,082
And I told you
about all the drug seizures, didn't I?
103
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:41,711
Exactly. That means bitches in there
ain't got drugs now.
104
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:44,797
That's supply and demand. Business shit.
105
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:48,134
Yeah, only the prison is on high alert.
You know what that means?
106
00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:50,970
It means that corporate is havin' us
doing random drug searches every hour.
107
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:54,223
I just got an email that Fig
is getting transferred because of this.
108
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,683
Now is not the time.
109
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:59,979
Fig is getting transferred?
That means they looking for a new warden.
110
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:01,814
So?
111
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,900
So? You need to step up!
112
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,194
You should be running that place.
113
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,905
-Hell yeah!
114
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:12,033
Just sign a few papers, lockdown.
Anybody could do that shit.
115
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:13,993
Plus, you're next in line.
116
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,663
Think about how much easier
smuggling would be, huh?
117
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,291
You better go to corporate
and take what's yours.
118
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:24,003
Warden. I never even
considered that before.
119
00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:29,091
Well, it's a good thing
Corky got a businesswoman by his side.
120
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:34,263
Maybe we can come up
with a different pet name for me?
121
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,183
["Night Games" by Alcatrazz
playing over car speakers]
122
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:42,271
For Artesian?
123
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:46,025
♪ See the man in the busy street
He's almost incomplete ♪
124
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,860
Thanks for the ride.
125
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,906
I could buy a new car for what
they're asking to fix my transmission.
126
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:55,451
Hey, no worries.
You can pay me back however you want.
127
00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:00,373
-I'm gonna take the bus tomorrow.
128
00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:03,668
Can't. Doesn't run early enough
to make the morning drug search.
129
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:05,545
This is such horseshit!
130
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,922
Why do I have to come in early
to be searched,
131
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:10,633
without pay, when everyone knows
who's smuggling?
132
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:13,970
They do?
133
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:16,889
You don't bring in three burritos a day
and look like Hellman.
134
00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:19,684
Oh.
135
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,728
So you've been checking out his figure?
136
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:28,651
Ew. No, I fucking hate that guy.
I wish he'd get caught.
137
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:32,738
You're talking about him
going to prison, you know.
138
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,576
You're not thinking about snitching,
are ya?
139
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,078
No.
140
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:41,622
I'm part of the team.
141
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,263
Jesus fuckin' Christ, Pena,
142
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:59,640
are you fuckin' vision impaired?
You didn't even touch it.
143
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,183
I think my scope's fucked up.
144
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,893
Did you check the part
that goes between your legs?
145
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:03,978
Could be there's a rod missing.
146
00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:05,730
Yeah, I'll pull it out
and you can see for yourself.
147
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,523
-Maybe suck it.
Okay.
148
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,524
Calm it down, ladies.
149
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:13,904
I noticed you put a lot of pressure
on your shoulder when you fire--
150
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,698
McCullough, you giving him beauty tips?
151
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:16,699
Mind your own business.
152
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:20,077
You just wanna make sure
that shoulder pressure stays consistent.
153
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,288
That's a good idea. She can teach you
to shoot even more like a pussy.
154
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:23,956
Hit more of my target than you.
155
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,167
PFC McCullough.
156
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,592
You know you're not making any friends
by showing off like that.
157
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,762
I was only trying to help Pena
with his shooting.
158
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:40,598
That's all fine, but you need these boys
to respect you and like you.
159
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:43,601
You gotta show them
you're part of the team.
160
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,561
How do I do that, Sarge?
161
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,938
It's my job to prepare you for combat,
is it not?
162
00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:52,485
So when you're in the combat zone
and one of those boys yells "contact,"
163
00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:54,695
you need to be able
to look at every one of them in the eye
164
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:56,739
and know that if they have to
put their life on the line for you,
165
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,074
there'll be no hesitation.
166
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,036
-So find a way.
-Yes, Sarge.
167
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,087
-Ugh.
168
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:15,216
My ear is moist now.
What the hell is wrong with you?
169
00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:17,009
What's wrong with me
is you haven't fucking paid me yet.
170
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:20,513
Yeah, I need
to talk to you about that.
171
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:29,522
These random drug searches
are making it impossible for me to sell.
172
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:32,900
So you need to hang on to this
until things calm down.
173
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:35,027
It's only a matter of time
before they check in on me,
174
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,405
and I am not swallowing this again.
175
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,198
They're searching our lockers twice a day,
176
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:41,826
so you better Tampax that thing
before I make like I caught you with it.
177
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,494
I can't tuck it in my undies
178
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,705
'cause I got a really big dick.
Ain't enough room.
179
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,165
Yeah, 'cause that's how guys
with really big dicks talk.
180
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,834
You wouldn't believe how big.
181
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,961
So be a good girl
and sell the rest of that package,
182
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,463
or I'll shove my jumbo dick
down your throat, too. Now I know for sure you're a fuckin' dyke.
183
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,761
Most girls would've creamed at that offer.
184
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,895
-It just doesn't make sense.
185
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,939
Are you gonna eat
those little meaty fingers?
186
00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:13,858
How can I think about eating
little meat fingers
187
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,609
when there's so much going on right now?
188
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,486
What's going on right now?
189
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,905
Did Old Man Frieda
finally come out of her cell?
190
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:24,660
No, I am not going to be distracted
by Old Man Frieda and her haunted cell.
191
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,537
This is important.
192
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:30,291
Taystee didn't kill anyone, right?
193
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:34,545
But the court says that she is a murderer.
194
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:37,381
-So--
195
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:42,178
So, the system must have made a mistake!
196
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:46,182
I know, it sounds impossible,
but that has to be what happened.
197
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:49,643
The court system actually made a mistake.
198
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,979
-Oh, shit.
-I know.
199
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,606
Should we call the president?
200
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,233
I'm gonna ask somebody
if they have his number.
201
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:59,278
Hey! Does anybody got
the president's number on them?
202
00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:01,113
No?
-No--
203
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,158
P-Tuck. P-Tuck, stop playing
"call the president." This is serious.
204
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:08,120
The court system actually made a mistake.
205
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,748
Big whoop!
The court system always makes mistakes.
206
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:12,583
Oh, yeah, okay.
207
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:13,876
Oh, yeah, okay.
208
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,253
So you think that everybody here
deserves to be here?
209
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:18,339
Yes.
210
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:23,886
Ethel, she threatened
a school bus full of children
211
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,764
and one kid had an asthma attack and died.
212
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,974
I didn't know he had asthma. Mmm-mmm.
213
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,811
Well, Judith, she threw acid
in a woman's face.
214
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,646
All right. What about you?
215
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:39,443
I deserve to be here. I hurt a boy. Dylan.
216
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,695
Right, but you're... You're crazy.
217
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:45,533
-I'm--
-Special-brained. Whatever.
218
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:49,662
But do you really think
you deserve to be here?
219
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:06,470
I wanna take this time to thank everybody
who came out to pay tribute to our friend,
220
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:10,349
our leader, our protector,
221
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:12,685
Daddy.
222
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:15,980
I know...
223
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,899
I know she would've appreciated it.
224
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,986
And now Swope has a poem
she'd like to share.
225
00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:37,918
"In the twilight of a moon
as full and new as the burning sun
226
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,713
You enter me with your fingers
227
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,758
And when you enter me, slick and smooth
228
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,136
Fingers warm like hot breath
against my neck..."
229
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,013
Where the fuck is Diaz?
230
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:53,100
Would you show up to a memorial service
for somebody you poisoned?
231
00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:57,897
Saw it in her face when she found out.
Fuckin' nothing.
232
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,650
Yeah, that bitch made a move.
233
00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:04,528
We're gonna have
to make a move of our own.
234
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,573
"I explode with the thunderous crack
of a thousand tiny hearts
235
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:12,328
Breaking across
the greater metropolitan areola"
236
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:21,795
What do you want?
-I just...
237
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,965
I just noticed that you wasn't
at the memorial service and, like...
238
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,217
I just wanted to tell you
that you shouldn't be afraid
239
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,845
to acknowledge your grief to people.
240
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,889
It's the first step in moving on.
241
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:35,392
-I read it in a pamphlet.
242
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:40,105
You know, pamphlets really been helping me
take my life in a new direction.
243
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,565
They're free in the rec room.
244
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,817
Well, your pamphlet is wrong
about my situation.
245
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,235
I ain't welcome down there.
246
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:48,864
But why would people not want you to go
to your own girlfriend's memorial service?
247
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,824
Because...
248
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:55,621
She made her own decisions.
You cannot blame yourself for this.
249
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:56,789
Yes, I can.
250
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:59,041
You didn't make her
take those drugs, Daya.
251
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:09,885
Oh.
252
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:13,263
Oh, shit.
253
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:16,350
Look, I just wanted
to teach her a lesson.
254
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:20,270
I wanted her to stop cheating.
I didn't think she was gonna fuckin' die.
255
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:23,023
Barb just freaked out when she took it.
256
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:25,442
Do the other girls know?
-I think so.
257
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,236
You cannot go down there.
258
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,030
Um...
259
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:34,326
Maybe this is a way out.
260
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:37,705
-No, like, for real.
261
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:41,542
For real. Look, you can leave
this whole gang thing behind.
262
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,585
You could get clean.
You already got a life sentence, right?
263
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:44,795
So you go to the administration
264
00:16:44,878 --> 00:16:48,424
and maybe they can transfer you
for your own protection.
265
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:51,301
Send me where To the SHU?
266
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,095
It's better than getting shanked,
all right?
267
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:57,266
It's worth a shot. You got somebody
in the admin that you trust?
268
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:07,985
Are you sexy?
269
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,738
Are you sexy?
270
00:17:11,488 --> 00:17:13,532
-You're a sexy motherfucker!
-Yeah, I am.
271
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:18,871
-You are a sexy motherfucker! Yes!
-I am a sexy motherfucker.
272
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:21,540
Uh, hello? Uh, hi, this is Rick Hopper.
273
00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:23,292
I'd like to be transferred
to Linda Ferguson, please.
274
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,212
-Mmm-hmm.
275
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,467
-This better be important.
Hi, Linda!
276
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:35,554
Um, you know, I can call back
if it's a bad time, or--
277
00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:40,142
Arms folded or unfolded
278
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:43,312
Because I don't wanna look like
a local news anchor. Or do I?
279
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:44,772
Maybe I do.
280
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,028
-I'm waiting, Mr. Hopper.
-Uh, yeah, I-- I was...
281
00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:53,822
I was wondering
if you had given any thought
282
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:57,034
to, uh, who you were going to pick
to be the next warden.
283
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:59,078
I see. Don't worry, Mr. Hopper,
you're at the top of our list.
284
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:05,042
That's great. I'm at the top of the list.
That's wonderful.
285
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:06,752
Uh, yes!
286
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,962
Speaking of,
do you have any recommendations
287
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,798
for your replacement as head guard?
288
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,133
Uh, I don't know.
289
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:18,597
Officer Hellman. Officer Stefanovic.
Uh, honestly, anybody but Alvarez.
290
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,141
Alvarez, huh?
A Hispanic could be interesting.
291
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,393
There is a big federal incentive
for diversity hires.
292
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,896
Except for he's not really Hispanic, so--
293
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:29,066
Great. So just send me a list of names
by this afternoon,
294
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,901
and we will get on with the interviews.
295
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:32,152
-Okay--
296
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:37,491
You're a sexy motherfucker! Ahhh!
297
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,744
You're not wiping
Kellen's ass for me.
298
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,789
You're doing it so that
your baby isn't marinating in shit.
299
00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:44,706
Exactly.
300
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,333
Kim won't even do it.
301
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,794
Oh, no. No. You can't be serious.
302
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:52,631
Well, she's very triggered by the smell.
It reminds her of her childhood in India.
303
00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:57,219
Bullshit. That is straight-up selfishness.
You have to divorce her today.
304
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:58,846
What about you, Piper?
305
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:02,683
-Yeah.
306
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,518
Why don't you tell us about yourself?
307
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:07,020
All we know about you
is that you're Neri's sister-in-law.
308
00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:09,148
Oh, no. There's not much to tell.
309
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:14,403
Oh, please. We're desperate
to live vicariously, okay?
310
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:18,157
So just tell us about all the sex
that you're having. And the drugs.
311
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,909
Well, I haven't done
very many drugs lately,
312
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:21,994
because I just...
313
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:23,829
I haven't.
314
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:27,666
And I haven't been having
very much sex, because my wife is...
315
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,003
I'm in a long-distance relationship.
316
00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:33,046
-Far away.
317
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,300
I've seen her once in the last two months.
318
00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:38,260
-Oh, that's hard.
It is.
319
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:42,306
It's really hard to be in a relationship
with someone you never see.
320
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:45,309
And then there's all this pressure
when you finally do see each other.
321
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:48,395
Exactly! It's like...
322
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:52,608
I used to hear it if she didn't get
a good night's sleep.
323
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,484
And now I have no idea...
324
00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:57,821
what she's doing or how she's feeling,
325
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,949
and I'm just afraid
she might do something reckless.
326
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:04,912
Well, did you marry someone
who does reckless things?
327
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,874
When I brought Kellen home,
I would not leave Sasha alone with her.
328
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:10,667
Right? 'Cause I was so afraid.
329
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:14,963
I don't know what I was afraid of.
That he'd do something I wouldn't do? But I had to remind myself.
I married someone smart.
330
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,719
And I had to trust his judgment,
331
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,638
even if it wasn't
exactly the way I'd do things.
332
00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:26,850
Who wants a turn nursing Nathan?
333
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,061
-All right, listen up!
334
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:32,064
A few quick things,
then I'll let you get back to goofing off.
335
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:35,317
There've been a lot of rumors going around
about the place the last couple days,
336
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,319
and I wanted to set the record straight.
337
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:40,697
There are gonna be some
administrative changes to the prison.
338
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:43,283
Interim Warden Figueroa
will be leaving us.
339
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:49,206
-I didn't hear what he said.
-Also, I wanted to inform you all
340
00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:51,792
that PolyCon is currently
accepting applications
341
00:20:51,875 --> 00:20:53,168
for the position of head guard.
342
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:56,296
If you'd like to be considered,
there will be a bin in the break room
343
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:59,174
where you can drop off
your application forms.
344
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,927
Are we to understand
that there will be two head guards?
345
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,305
Not quite.
346
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:09,393
Hopper. Hopper.
347
00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:12,145
Warden Hopper! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
348
00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:14,314
-I feel like I can accomplish anything!
349
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,858
Okay, all right. Settle down, all right?
350
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,819
Nothing is official yet.
351
00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:22,155
And lastly, if you have any information
352
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:24,366
regarding the drugs
coming into the prison,
353
00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:26,660
be sure to come directly to me.
354
00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:31,206
I appreciate your assistance
in keeping this place drug-free.
355
00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:33,417
All right? Now back to work
356
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:36,503
before I make it my first official act
to fire the lot of you!
357
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:42,467
I don't know about head guard.
Seems like a headache to me.
358
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:45,679
Comes with a $65K-a-year Aspirin. Not bad.
359
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:47,431
$25K more than we make now?
360
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:49,891
$40,000?
361
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:52,144
Y'all make $8,000 more than me?
362
00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:55,522
Well, it's probably
because I got military experience.
363
00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:56,648
So do I.
364
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:00,777
Guess you gotta pay a titty tax.
365
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:02,404
Titty tax.
366
00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:06,116
Ward, can you believe
those guys make $40,000?
367
00:22:06,199 --> 00:22:08,910
-I'm only pulling in $32,000.
-I make $29,500.
368
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:10,495
Oh.
369
00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:13,498
-That is fucked up.
-Yeah.
370
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:15,459
We should go to Hopper
and demand equal pay.
371
00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:17,461
Hmm. Tried that last year.
372
00:22:17,544 --> 00:22:19,588
He said I needed to bring something else
to the table.
373
00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:22,174
So I started taking night classes.
374
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,803
"Bring something to the table." Hmm.
375
00:22:30,557 --> 00:22:32,392
Whoo!
376
00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:37,147
What if I let them know
who's smuggling the drugs in here?
377
00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:39,983
That could be something.
378
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:43,362
It'd make you
a whole lot of enemies, though.
379
00:22:44,738 --> 00:22:47,240
Guys, you don't gotta do this.
380
00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:48,909
No, I read about this in the UCMJ.
381
00:22:49,284 --> 00:22:51,620
When a private first class
has a 21st birthday,
382
00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:54,122
the offending soldier
must submit to be pink-bellied
383
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:55,707
or face an FG Article 15.
384
00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:58,168
-McCullough, get his shirt.
No.
385
00:22:58,251 --> 00:23:00,420
Sorry.
386
00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:01,922
All right. You're in for it.
387
00:23:12,974 --> 00:23:15,018
All right, all right, all right.
388
00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:16,353
You've earned your gifts.
389
00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:21,483
Jacobs, Rios, show pink-bellied Pena
what he has won.
390
00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:26,196
Booze! And more booze!
391
00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:28,031
And a shit ton of booze!
392
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:33,662
I got Pena a present, too.
393
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:38,583
A poem?
394
00:23:40,043 --> 00:23:41,169
Uh, thanks?
395
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:44,464
-Yeah, thanks for the cash, Grandma.
-Hold on. That's not the present.
396
00:23:47,050 --> 00:23:50,554
Jesus, Grandma, Pena's gonna be 22
by the time this party gets started.
397
00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:06,778
Holy shit!
398
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:08,947
You didn't!
399
00:24:10,407 --> 00:24:12,576
Oh, baby!
400
00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:15,787
Oh, yeah.
401
00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:20,542
Holy fuckin' shit, McCullough.
You snuck a hajji stripper into camp?
402
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:22,752
She's actually a Puerto Rican girl
from C Company.
403
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:25,755
Gave up my whole paycheck
to get her to do this.
404
00:24:26,339 --> 00:24:28,133
-Epic.
-Yeah.
405
00:24:29,092 --> 00:24:33,638
Grandma! Grandma! Grandma!
406
00:24:41,521 --> 00:24:43,773
-♪ I'm an outlaw ♪
-♪ I'm an outlaw ♪
407
00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:46,193
-♪ Quick on the draw ♪
-♪ Quick on the draw ♪
408
00:24:46,276 --> 00:24:48,695
-♪ Somethin' you've never seen before ♪
-♪ You've never seen ♪
409
00:24:48,778 --> 00:24:50,906
♪ And I dare a motherfucker
To come in my face ♪
410
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:54,951
♪ It's so real, how I feel ♪
411
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:59,039
♪ 'Cause this society
That makes a nigga want to kill ♪
412
00:24:59,122 --> 00:25:01,374
♪ They sayin' it
But I wanna hear it ♪
413
00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:02,709
♪ Ooh, baby, you want me? ♪
414
00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:04,961
♪ Ooh, baby, you want me? ♪
415
00:25:06,213 --> 00:25:07,589
♪ Ooh, baby, you want me? ♪
416
00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:09,007
♪ Well, you can get
This lap dance here for free ♪
417
00:25:09,090 --> 00:25:10,258
Motorboat her!
418
00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:14,554
Motorboat!
Motorboat! Motorboat!
419
00:25:14,638 --> 00:25:15,472
Okay.
420
00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:19,893
Yes!
421
00:25:32,155 --> 00:25:33,240
McCullough.
422
00:25:37,118 --> 00:25:38,078
McCullough?
423
00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:40,997
McCullough.
424
00:26:05,522 --> 00:26:06,982
What the fuck
425
00:26:07,065 --> 00:26:08,441
What the fuck?
426
00:26:10,652 --> 00:26:12,529
Jesus fucking Christ!
427
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:17,367
What the fuck is wrong with you?
You're such a fucking douchebag!
428
00:26:18,493 --> 00:26:19,744
-Fuck.
429
00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:25,875
"I need you to be clever, Bean.
430
00:26:25,959 --> 00:26:29,462
I need you to think of solutions
to problems we haven't seen yet.
431
00:26:29,546 --> 00:26:31,965
I want you to try things
that no one has ever tried
432
00:26:32,048 --> 00:26:34,009
because they're absolutely stupid."
433
00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:38,138
What do you think of that?
Trying stupid solutions?
434
00:26:38,221 --> 00:26:42,559
Mom, do I deserve to be here?
435
00:26:44,561 --> 00:26:45,979
What makes you ask that, honey? Because I don't know.
436
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:55,989
Do you remember the talk we had
before your trial?
437
00:26:56,531 --> 00:26:58,658
Where we said that you did something
you weren't supposed to,
438
00:26:58,742 --> 00:27:01,870
and Dylan got hurt,
and the judge was going to tell us
439
00:27:01,953 --> 00:27:04,497
how you could make it up
to Dylan's family?
440
00:27:06,207 --> 00:27:08,877
Mmm... But I didn't know.
441
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,341
I-- I didn't know I was kidnapping.
442
00:27:15,342 --> 00:27:17,135
I was just trying to make friends.
443
00:27:18,053 --> 00:27:20,639
And when I reached for him,
444
00:27:21,598 --> 00:27:25,310
I was trying to help him.
I didn't know he was gonna fall.
445
00:27:25,393 --> 00:27:26,811
I know that, Suzanne.
446
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,398
But you think I deserve to be here
for 15 years?
447
00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:33,485
Well, honey, it's complicated.
448
00:27:33,568 --> 00:27:34,861
But it was an accident.
449
00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:38,782
Sometimes, accidents
have legal consequences.
450
00:27:40,075 --> 00:27:42,369
So you do think I deserve to be here.
451
00:27:42,452 --> 00:27:44,371
You deserve to be in a facility
452
00:27:44,454 --> 00:27:46,915
that can help you
with your cognitive difference.
453
00:27:48,958 --> 00:27:50,043
But...
454
00:27:51,211 --> 00:27:53,755
I'm not, Mom.
455
00:27:55,882 --> 00:27:56,925
I'm here.
456
00:28:02,597 --> 00:28:04,516
And I'm asking you,
457
00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:11,106
do you think, if it was an accident
and I didn't mean to do it,
458
00:28:12,023 --> 00:28:15,276
and I'm sorry, was that fair?
459
00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:19,322
Or...
460
00:28:20,949 --> 00:28:23,493
did the judge make a mistake?
461
00:28:26,371 --> 00:28:27,455
No,
462
00:28:28,748 --> 00:28:30,750
you don't deserve to be here.
463
00:28:32,836 --> 00:28:34,337
It's not fair.
464
00:28:40,593 --> 00:28:47,058
And the last theory
is retribuvi...
465
00:28:47,684 --> 00:28:48,768
"Retrivibi..."
466
00:28:50,061 --> 00:28:52,772
"Retribuvitism"?
467
00:28:56,484 --> 00:28:59,195
I was a freakin' warden.
I never said that word.
468
00:29:00,530 --> 00:29:02,282
The retribution,
469
00:29:02,365 --> 00:29:05,076
one basically says
that people who commit crimes
470
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,328
should be punished
because they deserve it.
471
00:29:08,329 --> 00:29:09,414
No other reason.
472
00:29:11,541 --> 00:29:13,668
Uh, theories of...
473
00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:16,796
-All right, I guess you're dismissed.
474
00:29:17,630 --> 00:29:19,799
Don't forget, your paragraphs
on what prison means to you
475
00:29:19,883 --> 00:29:21,551
are due Friday.
476
00:29:21,634 --> 00:29:26,556
Uh, and I want real paragraphs this time.
More than three sentences.
477
00:29:27,474 --> 00:29:28,558
Would you?
478
00:29:28,975 --> 00:29:32,520
He's, like, an older man
who's teaching me things, so obviously.
479
00:29:33,813 --> 00:29:36,608
Mr. Caputo, can we talk for a sec?
480
00:29:36,691 --> 00:29:39,319
I gotta go cook dinner,
feed the beast that is my girlfriend.
481
00:29:39,402 --> 00:29:40,904
But walk with me.
482
00:29:42,989 --> 00:29:44,199
How am I doing?
483
00:29:45,575 --> 00:29:46,451
Be honest.
484
00:29:46,534 --> 00:29:48,286
Uh, it's--
it's getting better, definitely.
485
00:29:48,369 --> 00:29:51,706
I'm not sure the overhead projector thing
is connecting, though.
486
00:29:52,665 --> 00:29:55,418
Right. No, that's good.
That's good feedback.
487
00:29:55,502 --> 00:29:58,713
I'll check with a few other students,
see if they feel the same way
488
00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:00,340
before I start messing with the formula.
489
00:30:00,423 --> 00:30:01,674
I wanted to talk to you
490
00:30:01,758 --> 00:30:04,052
because the head guard position
is opening up,
491
00:30:04,135 --> 00:30:06,387
and I'm thinking of going for it.
492
00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:08,306
I think it's a great idea.
493
00:30:09,182 --> 00:30:12,977
Um, they're getting one of the higher-ups
from corporate to do interviews.
494
00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:17,524
Yeah, got any tips?
495
00:30:17,899 --> 00:30:21,069
Yeah, don't say her name three times
in a dark bathroom.
496
00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:25,782
-She's what you'd call a soulless bitch.
-Hmm.
497
00:30:25,865 --> 00:30:26,991
And she wears a wig.
498
00:30:27,075 --> 00:30:28,535
Anything useful?
499
00:30:28,618 --> 00:30:30,995
Sorry.
500
00:30:31,079 --> 00:30:34,457
Uh, Linda only cares
about the bottom line.
501
00:30:34,541 --> 00:30:36,793
Her favorite phrase is "status quo."
502
00:30:36,876 --> 00:30:39,629
So long as you tell her
you'll maintain the status quo
503
00:30:39,712 --> 00:30:42,382
while cutting costs, you're golden.
504
00:30:43,508 --> 00:30:45,760
Toe the company line.
Don't make any waves.
505
00:30:46,135 --> 00:30:47,512
You're gonna do great. Thanks. For the advice.
506
00:30:50,348 --> 00:30:52,141
And it's "retributivism!"
507
00:30:52,725 --> 00:30:54,602
"Tivism," not "vitism."
508
00:30:54,978 --> 00:30:56,020
Huh.
509
00:31:02,110 --> 00:31:06,739
Where the fuck did you come from?
510
00:31:06,823 --> 00:31:08,741
-I just ruined you for life.
-Mmm.
511
00:31:09,325 --> 00:31:12,203
I think you might be right. I'm sprung.
512
00:31:12,287 --> 00:31:15,790
I can tell. The way you were cumming
like a junior high schooler and shit.
513
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,671
How is it possible I never saw you
at that club before?
514
00:31:21,754 --> 00:31:23,464
You wasn't looking hard enough.
515
00:31:23,548 --> 00:31:26,885
No way. I come to New York a lot
during the off-season.
516
00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:28,553
It's weird I never saw you.
517
00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:31,055
Well, I-- I been in Ohio.
518
00:31:33,474 --> 00:31:35,268
What part? I got cousins there.
519
00:31:35,351 --> 00:31:38,521
-I've been traveling, too. So...
-Hmm.
520
00:31:38,605 --> 00:31:40,440
-Yep.
-Shit!
521
00:31:43,526 --> 00:31:45,445
Oh, shit. I'm late for a meeting.
522
00:31:46,195 --> 00:31:48,281
As soon as I get back,
we'll plan some traveling, too.
523
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,200
Buying you a ticket to visit me in LA.
524
00:32:00,793 --> 00:32:02,545
Uh, can I think about it?
525
00:32:05,256 --> 00:32:06,132
For real?
526
00:32:09,135 --> 00:32:11,095
Wow.
527
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:16,643
Wow. Oh, wow.
528
00:32:17,518 --> 00:32:18,561
Man.
529
00:32:21,814 --> 00:32:23,316
You saw him again, didn't you?
530
00:32:23,399 --> 00:32:24,609
Bitch, I never left.
531
00:32:24,692 --> 00:32:30,531
Oh, my God! You have to tell him
to focus on his midrange game.
532
00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:31,950
An explosive first step
533
00:32:32,033 --> 00:32:34,035
with a decent pull-up
could really help us out--
534
00:32:34,118 --> 00:32:36,412
Daisy! Stop talking about boring things.
535
00:32:37,163 --> 00:32:40,083
Okay, I need you to tell me that it's okay
for me to go visit him in LA.
536
00:32:40,166 --> 00:32:42,126
But you can't leave the state.
537
00:32:42,502 --> 00:32:44,295
But I like him so much.
538
00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:47,131
I'm having feelings
I haven't had in a long time.
539
00:32:47,215 --> 00:32:49,801
This is the first time I've felt
like a real person since I got out.
540
00:32:49,884 --> 00:32:51,594
Parole, Zaza!
541
00:32:51,678 --> 00:32:53,638
They randomly check up on you, right?
542
00:32:53,721 --> 00:32:57,141
If you're not where you're supposed to be,
they could send you back, right?
543
00:32:57,225 --> 00:33:00,937
I-- I know. I know that.
But can't I have a weekend where I just...
544
00:33:01,020 --> 00:33:02,730
Where I don't feel like
a fucking criminal?
545
00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:05,650
Like, I already did my time, okay?
I deserve a weekend away with him.
546
00:33:05,733 --> 00:33:07,151
Look, I gotta go.
547
00:33:07,235 --> 00:33:10,613
If I'm not in the office before
Dr. Maslov, he asks for a hug.
548
00:33:10,697 --> 00:33:12,365
And he's handsy.
549
00:33:12,824 --> 00:33:14,534
Don't do anything stupid, girl.
550
00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:24,919
So, I heard you went to
this Tony Robbins seminar.
551
00:33:25,003 --> 00:33:26,129
Fuckin' yeah, I did.
552
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:29,924
Still not used to
that whole swearing thing.
553
00:33:30,008 --> 00:33:33,928
All right. Well, I'll tell you
what I like about that Tony,
554
00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:39,308
since we agree that he is definitely not
a huckster snake-oil salesman.
555
00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:42,687
I like when he calls the people
in the audience pussies.
556
00:33:42,770 --> 00:33:44,981
It's like he's seen their pussies before.
557
00:33:57,243 --> 00:33:59,746
There's no fucking names on any of these.
558
00:34:14,218 --> 00:34:15,470
Come on.
559
00:34:22,268 --> 00:34:24,604
Drop the knife and the baggie now, inmate.
560
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,068
-It's just a butter knife.
-Down on the floor.
561
00:34:32,779 --> 00:34:35,031
Hellman, he's trying to force me
to sell drugs for him.
562
00:34:35,114 --> 00:34:36,699
I was just trying to put it in his locker
563
00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:38,743
-so I didn't get caught with it.
-Down.
564
00:34:38,826 --> 00:34:40,369
Please. You have to help me.
565
00:34:41,204 --> 00:34:43,289
What do you think I'm doing in here?
I don't want this.
566
00:34:43,372 --> 00:34:44,415
I was gonna bring it to administration,
567
00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:47,752
but I knew that nobody would listen.
Please. Please.
568
00:34:50,254 --> 00:34:51,672
I can't get more time.
569
00:34:51,756 --> 00:34:53,341
I'm not going to ask you again.
570
00:35:11,192 --> 00:35:12,527
It's not for me to decide.
571
00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:35,591
Looking for someone?
572
00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:42,640
-Better view.
573
00:35:42,723 --> 00:35:45,852
You'd be surprised what you can get
in return for good hooch in here.
574
00:35:46,185 --> 00:35:48,146
Try some while I bend your ear.
575
00:35:55,486 --> 00:35:56,904
My father's recipe.
576
00:35:59,157 --> 00:36:00,741
-Nah, I'm good.
577
00:36:03,452 --> 00:36:05,037
It will help with your nerves.
578
00:36:09,125 --> 00:36:12,170
I tell people I'm from Lagos,
but I'm really from Ibadan,
579
00:36:12,253 --> 00:36:14,672
which is a transportation hub
a few hours north.
580
00:36:14,755 --> 00:36:18,176
It's a bit like saying you're from Chicago
when you're really from Peoria.
581
00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:20,136
I got a cousin who do that.
582
00:36:20,219 --> 00:36:22,722
You can't say you from the Bronx
when you from Mount Vernon.
583
00:36:22,805 --> 00:36:25,850
My father was a leader of
the Transport Road Workers Union there,
584
00:36:25,933 --> 00:36:27,351
and in a place like Ibadan,
585
00:36:27,435 --> 00:36:29,520
where politicians bring weapons
to the assembly,
586
00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:31,814
a union leader must be clever.
587
00:36:31,898 --> 00:36:35,318
He must know whose hand to shake
and whose to chop off at the wrist.
588
00:36:35,651 --> 00:36:37,153
Sounds like your pops was a G.
589
00:36:37,236 --> 00:36:39,197
He taught me to see things clearly.
590
00:36:39,989 --> 00:36:41,949
But he would be disappointed in me.
591
00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:44,410
Because it took me too long
to see you clearly.
592
00:36:45,786 --> 00:36:46,913
What is that supposed to mean?
593
00:36:46,996 --> 00:36:49,123
Taking out your girlfriend
was a dangerous move.
594
00:36:50,625 --> 00:36:51,792
It was also smart.
595
00:36:52,585 --> 00:36:56,547
Daddy took all the credit,
but you were bringing the powder in.
596
00:36:57,256 --> 00:36:59,217
So what
597
00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:01,844
I'm saying that if you're now gonna go
after the crown,
598
00:37:01,928 --> 00:37:04,805
Annalisa and the others,
they aren't simply gonna let you take it.
599
00:37:05,431 --> 00:37:06,807
You're gonna need help.
600
00:37:07,975 --> 00:37:09,727
We could run this place.
601
00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:14,273
Maybe. But I don't know you like that.
602
00:37:14,357 --> 00:37:18,694
Well, sometimes you have to take
the leap and see if a net will appear.
603
00:37:23,449 --> 00:37:25,117
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
604
00:37:27,119 --> 00:37:28,120
Mmm-hmm.
605
00:37:30,039 --> 00:37:33,209
So tell me,
why should we hire you as head guard?
606
00:37:39,715 --> 00:37:40,925
Can you rephrase the question?
607
00:37:47,056 --> 00:37:51,477
Um, I'm not sure how to do that.
608
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,271
You're afraid, aren't you?
609
00:37:54,397 --> 00:37:57,942
Afraid to meet your own greatness.
610
00:37:58,025 --> 00:38:03,030
Well, everyone's afraid, Linda.
It's what you do with that fear--
611
00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:05,366
I ask it to leave my office.
612
00:38:05,866 --> 00:38:08,786
I find you unsettling. Please leave.
613
00:38:08,869 --> 00:38:12,748
Obviously
setting aside the M490 Maglock,
614
00:38:12,832 --> 00:38:16,168
which we can talk about if you want,
but setting that aside,
615
00:38:16,252 --> 00:38:18,087
I'll say I've noticed a slight difference
616
00:38:18,170 --> 00:38:21,632
between the delayed relock of the RCI 8310
617
00:38:21,716 --> 00:38:25,261
-and the 3101C series.
-Mmm-hmm.
618
00:38:25,344 --> 00:38:28,764
Now don't get me wrong,
sometimes you gotta be a little forceful.
619
00:38:29,390 --> 00:38:33,394
But you start from a place
of caring, respect, dignity.
620
00:38:33,894 --> 00:38:35,938
That "do unto others" type of stuff.
621
00:38:36,022 --> 00:38:37,773
-That sounds very thoughtful.
-Hmm.
622
00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,822
You know, it might be nice
623
00:38:44,905 --> 00:38:49,702
to fill the position
with someone of your background.
624
00:38:49,785 --> 00:38:52,538
-Sure. Mmm-hmm.
625
00:38:52,621 --> 00:38:56,042
That's great, 'cause I'd really like
to overhaul the whole system.
626
00:38:56,667 --> 00:38:59,253
Scorched-earth.
Sweeping personnel changes.
627
00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:00,629
It won't be cheap, but--
628
00:39:00,713 --> 00:39:04,008
I've heard enough.
You can find your way out.
629
00:39:08,054 --> 00:39:11,974
I've been taking night classes in
corrections management for the past year,
630
00:39:12,058 --> 00:39:14,894
and I'm confident
that I can run a tight ship,
631
00:39:14,977 --> 00:39:18,522
keeping costs down while making sure
that the prison remains safe
632
00:39:18,814 --> 00:39:21,025
in a way that honors the PolyCon brand.
633
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:23,444
That sounds very status quo.
634
00:39:24,612 --> 00:39:26,739
Now, I understand why you think
we should hire you,
635
00:39:26,822 --> 00:39:30,409
but I'm curious, why do you want this job?
636
00:39:31,243 --> 00:39:32,203
Uh...
637
00:39:36,207 --> 00:39:38,209
One of my teachers
asked me to write a paper
638
00:39:38,292 --> 00:39:40,169
about what prison means to me.
639
00:39:41,128 --> 00:39:44,965
And at first I thought it was
kind of a stupid topic, but...
640
00:39:46,342 --> 00:39:51,764
when I really thought about it,
I realized that prison is an opportunity.
641
00:39:53,516 --> 00:39:55,768
We get people when they're
at their lowest point,
642
00:39:55,851 --> 00:39:58,771
which means maybe they'd be
willing to try something new.
643
00:39:59,313 --> 00:40:04,360
To change. And I wanna be part
of what helps them change for the better.
644
00:40:07,446 --> 00:40:10,783
You can look at some of these girls
and see they're hungry for it.
645
00:40:12,326 --> 00:40:15,621
The majority of them are decent people.
They just want a chance to show it to you.
646
00:40:16,747 --> 00:40:20,459
In the classes,
they call what we do a "public good."
647
00:40:21,627 --> 00:40:25,047
Then I figure we owe it to the public
to do something good. It's in the name.
648
00:40:26,132 --> 00:40:28,092
And it doesn't have to cost
a lot of money.
649
00:40:29,468 --> 00:40:32,721
Then let's do the public best!
At a low price point.
650
00:40:32,805 --> 00:40:33,639
Sure.
651
00:40:34,306 --> 00:40:37,893
Gosh, you are so well-spoken
but not strident.
652
00:40:37,977 --> 00:40:39,186
Did you grow up in the church?
653
00:40:40,604 --> 00:40:42,815
-Yeah, I went to church sometimes.
-It shows.
654
00:40:43,899 --> 00:40:49,488
And I just love the way your hair looks.
It's so...
655
00:40:51,157 --> 00:40:55,828
Don't poop, just sleep.
Just sleep.
656
00:41:02,460 --> 00:41:03,419
Hello?
657
00:41:03,502 --> 00:41:04,670
An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison
658
00:41:04,753 --> 00:41:05,588
is attempting to contact you.
659
00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:08,174
-Accept, accept, accept!
-To accept the--
660
00:41:10,551 --> 00:41:12,261
Hi. Alex?
661
00:41:12,344 --> 00:41:16,182
Piper? I'm sorry I didn't...
I'm sorry I didn't call.
662
00:41:16,265 --> 00:41:18,476
Uh, can you speak up?
I'm having trouble hearing you.
663
00:41:18,809 --> 00:41:22,521
I'm sorry I didn't call. It's, um...
664
00:41:24,398 --> 00:41:25,316
Hello?
665
00:41:25,399 --> 00:41:30,446
It's just been, like,
a rough couple of days.
666
00:41:30,529 --> 00:41:32,114
What's going on
667
00:41:32,198 --> 00:41:34,533
I wanna tell you, but it's just-- It's...
668
00:41:34,617 --> 00:41:37,536
It's hard with all these
fucking people around.
669
00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:40,498
Alex, you have to tell me what's going on.
670
00:41:40,581 --> 00:41:43,375
It's gonna be impossible to do this
if you won't talk to me.
671
00:41:43,459 --> 00:41:45,878
I am all alone out here and...
672
00:41:51,425 --> 00:41:53,928
You know what? Actually...
673
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:57,806
don't tell me. I trust you.
674
00:42:02,102 --> 00:42:08,651
I know I married a smart woman
who is capable of handling herself.
675
00:42:08,734 --> 00:42:13,405
And if you don't wanna tell me, I'm sure
that you have a very good reason for it.
676
00:42:13,489 --> 00:42:16,951
I love you, Alex.
677
00:42:21,497 --> 00:42:23,040
I love you, too.
678
00:42:24,917 --> 00:42:27,044
And I promise
I'll tell you everything soon.
679
00:42:27,419 --> 00:42:31,048
But can you just tell me
about things with you?
680
00:42:31,131 --> 00:42:33,342
'Cause I could really use a distraction.
681
00:42:33,425 --> 00:42:38,097
Well, um, I started babysitting.
682
00:42:38,180 --> 00:42:39,014
Yeah?
683
00:42:39,098 --> 00:42:42,142
Yeah, and it's making me think
I don't want children.
684
00:42:43,352 --> 00:42:45,104
Does that make me a bad person?
685
00:42:45,187 --> 00:42:48,274
No, it doesn't make you a bad person.
686
00:42:48,357 --> 00:42:51,068
But who's going to take care of us
in our old age?
687
00:42:51,819 --> 00:42:55,364
A dog? A very capable dog. A robot dog.
688
00:42:55,447 --> 00:42:58,492
-A robot dog. That could be the answer.
689
00:43:00,369 --> 00:43:02,913
And that top she was wearing, that was...
690
00:43:04,832 --> 00:43:05,666
fitted.
691
00:43:05,749 --> 00:43:08,460
But I made it the whole interview
without looking at her jagungas.
692
00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:09,837
Rookie move.
693
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,007
Always make a point of looking
at the tatas once, but only once,
694
00:43:13,090 --> 00:43:16,176
so she knows you respect her,
but you would still definitely bang her.
695
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,262
Well, I hope you boys didn't disappoint,
696
00:43:18,345 --> 00:43:21,849
'cause I told corporate that you two
were my top picks for the job.
697
00:43:23,559 --> 00:43:25,978
-You three.
-I fucking owned that interview.
698
00:43:26,061 --> 00:43:30,065
Yeah, you mighta owned it,
but I fucked it in the donk like...
699
00:43:33,944 --> 00:43:36,363
Well, I was in
the interview's guts, like...
700
00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:40,326
"You don't get to cum yet.
I tell you when you get to cum."
701
00:43:40,409 --> 00:43:43,746
No, no, but I had to back off a little bit
because of how big my dick is.
702
00:43:43,829 --> 00:43:45,706
-It just fuckin'...
-Yeah, you gotta back off! -I also had sex with the interview.
703
00:43:49,877 --> 00:43:53,339
Stop it.
-It's the interview.
704
00:43:54,423 --> 00:43:56,425
It looks like
he's humping a cantaloupe.
705
00:44:52,106 --> 00:44:53,565
Come on, McCullough.
706
00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:03,659
Whoa, whoa!
707
00:45:03,742 --> 00:45:06,912
McCullough! Is there anything
I can help you with? Or...
708
00:45:17,423 --> 00:45:19,133
You guys
sleep it off all right?
709
00:45:21,927 --> 00:45:23,303
Great party, huh?
710
00:45:29,184 --> 00:45:32,020
Hey, Pena. What the fuck is wrong
with Rios and Jacobs?
711
00:45:32,104 --> 00:45:34,523
Maybe they think you'll accuse them
of some bullshit.
712
00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:38,694
All right, load up!
713
00:45:42,990 --> 00:45:45,492
Hey, tell them the truth
about what happened.
714
00:45:45,576 --> 00:45:46,869
Don't fucking talk to me.
715
00:45:46,952 --> 00:45:49,371
I just spent an hour in the lieutenant's
office 'cause of your shit.
716
00:45:49,913 --> 00:45:51,290
You're lucky he understood.
717
00:45:51,915 --> 00:45:54,626
Tell them what you really did,
or I will tell them.
718
00:45:54,710 --> 00:45:56,712
Say whatever you want.
They won't believe you.
719
00:46:15,939 --> 00:46:17,274
Let's move!
720
00:46:26,241 --> 00:46:27,534
What the fuck?
721
00:46:27,618 --> 00:46:29,369
Contact! Right!
722
00:46:29,453 --> 00:46:30,454
Take cover!
What the fuck?
723
00:46:41,507 --> 00:46:43,217
Let's go, Warren. Keep it moving.
724
00:46:55,354 --> 00:46:56,939
I don't deserve to be here, you know.
725
00:46:57,022 --> 00:46:58,190
Neither do I.
726
00:47:02,402 --> 00:47:05,447
Wait. This one doesn't have a dessert.
727
00:47:11,453 --> 00:47:13,247
This one doesn't have a dessert either.
728
00:47:17,751 --> 00:47:21,630
-And this one doesn't have one either!
-Calm down. They must have run out.
729
00:47:23,131 --> 00:47:28,095
But everyone else got a dessert.
So they should all have dessert.
730
00:47:28,178 --> 00:47:29,388
It's not fair.
731
00:47:29,471 --> 00:47:34,476
I mean, why would you only have
some of them that do not have a dessert?
732
00:47:35,352 --> 00:47:36,186
Huh?
733
00:47:36,854 --> 00:47:42,109
It doesn't make sense.
They should all have a fucking dessert!
734
00:47:45,571 --> 00:47:46,446
Fuck!
735
00:47:47,072 --> 00:47:50,450
-Oh, man--
-No, you shut up, Ethel!
736
00:47:51,034 --> 00:47:55,581
Warren, you can't take
everybody's pudding cup like that.
737
00:47:55,664 --> 00:47:56,957
Why not?
738
00:47:59,293 --> 00:48:01,086
What are you gonna do about it?
739
00:48:02,629 --> 00:48:04,590
Well, I'm gonna give you a shot.
740
00:48:10,929 --> 00:48:11,847
Go ahead.
741
00:48:22,608 --> 00:48:25,444
Hey, you medium cocks
still up for drinks tonight?
742
00:48:25,527 --> 00:48:26,987
-Fuck yes.
-Yes, sir.
743
00:48:27,070 --> 00:48:28,488
You guys getting drinks tonight?
744
00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:30,115
Sort of.
745
00:48:30,824 --> 00:48:33,201
Don't forget to invite Dixon.
746
00:48:35,787 --> 00:48:38,290
Yo. Just got an email from corporate.
747
00:48:38,373 --> 00:48:39,291
Hello?
748
00:48:39,374 --> 00:48:43,003
Uh, "We thank you for your interest,
but we regret to inform you that..."
749
00:48:43,086 --> 00:48:44,504
Motherfuck!
750
00:48:45,839 --> 00:48:46,673
Hellman?
751
00:48:47,257 --> 00:48:50,177
Same fucking email.
Even though I did the tit check.
752
00:48:51,094 --> 00:48:52,387
It seems...
753
00:48:57,809 --> 00:48:59,603
I was rejected as well.
754
00:49:02,022 --> 00:49:04,775
Let me guess, Ward.
You're the new head guard.
755
00:49:04,858 --> 00:49:09,112
No, I'm the new warden.
756
00:49:23,418 --> 00:49:24,878
That's weird.
757
00:49:25,462 --> 00:49:31,385
Because, remember, you said that you were
gonna be the new warden, Hopper.
758
00:49:33,595 --> 00:49:36,139
Remember? You called a meeting...
759
00:49:37,599 --> 00:49:39,893
and then you said it
in front of everybody.
760
00:49:42,688 --> 00:49:43,855
We were all there.
761
00:49:51,238 --> 00:49:53,907
I believe you.
What you said about Hellman.
762
00:49:54,950 --> 00:49:58,662
So I'm giving you two options for
what I can do with this incident report.
763
00:49:59,371 --> 00:50:02,332
I can turn it in,
you blame Hellman, no one cares.
764
00:50:02,916 --> 00:50:06,128
You get five more years
where he makes your life a nightmare.
765
00:50:06,211 --> 00:50:09,715
Or I can rip it up,
you start selling for me.
766
00:50:10,465 --> 00:50:12,759
And you get five percent more
than he was giving you.
767
00:50:15,137 --> 00:50:16,221
What about Hellman?
768
00:50:16,304 --> 00:50:18,432
You're smart. You'll figure something out.
769
00:50:20,058 --> 00:50:21,643
That's what the five percent is for.
770
00:50:39,786 --> 00:50:42,998
You see, white women,
they always stick together.
771
00:50:44,166 --> 00:50:49,379
They only respect who they fear.
So let's make them fear you.
772
00:50:52,424 --> 00:50:56,678
Eeny, meeny, miny...
773
00:50:56,762 --> 00:51:00,724
Oh, shit! Fuckin' Diaz crawled out
of her hole. Better watch yourself.
774
00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:05,604
...moe?
775
00:51:09,066 --> 00:51:11,234
Hey, can I ask you something?
776
00:51:11,860 --> 00:51:18,241
Ward "Warden Ward."
It even sounds ridiculous.
777
00:51:18,325 --> 00:51:20,869
You don't think they gave it to her
because she's a black?
778
00:51:20,952 --> 00:51:22,954
Oh, definitely. No question at all.
779
00:51:23,747 --> 00:51:25,499
If they were gonna go most qualified,
780
00:51:25,582 --> 00:51:28,877
no one knows what's happening
in this prison better than--
781
00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:31,713
What?
What the fuck?
782
00:51:43,016 --> 00:51:45,227
Inmate down in cell block D!
783
00:51:49,022 --> 00:51:50,649
What the fuck y'all looking at?
784
00:52:02,953 --> 00:52:04,204
Oh, my God.
785
00:52:15,090 --> 00:52:17,300
It's almost like we went to LA, right?
786
00:52:17,843 --> 00:52:20,887
-No, it's like I went to Bushwick.
787
00:52:20,971 --> 00:52:23,640
Cheer up, girl. You did the right thing.
788
00:52:23,723 --> 00:52:26,643
Better than ending up back in prison.
He'll be back.
789
00:52:26,726 --> 00:52:30,063
No, he won't. He's an NBA player in LA.
790
00:52:30,147 --> 00:52:31,940
And you're the ass-shaking queen.
791
00:52:32,023 --> 00:52:36,194
He'll be back, Zaza. I know it.
And you'll be just as in love then.
792
00:52:36,778 --> 00:52:37,821
What's up with the bouncer?
793
00:52:37,904 --> 00:52:39,656
Ew. That's not
the kind of cheering up I need.
794
00:52:39,739 --> 00:52:41,158
No, look.
795
00:52:41,241 --> 00:52:43,118
Up against the wall,
right now!
796
00:52:44,494 --> 00:52:45,412
Identification!
797
00:52:48,248 --> 00:52:50,000
I want to see identification.
798
00:52:50,083 --> 00:52:51,376
-Shit. I don't have my ID.
Up against the wall.
799
00:52:54,087 --> 00:52:55,755
Hands on the wall.
Hands on the wall.
800
00:52:58,383 --> 00:53:00,302
No, no, no! I'm American!
801
00:53:02,429 --> 00:53:05,223
No. I'm a-- I'm a--
I'm an American. I'm a US citizen.
802
00:53:06,057 --> 00:53:08,059
Identification! Get it out!
803
00:53:13,982 --> 00:53:15,483
I'm an American. Please.
804
00:53:15,567 --> 00:53:18,570
You have to believe me.
This is a mistake. Sir?
805
00:53:18,653 --> 00:53:20,530
Come on now. Not up to me.
806
00:53:27,954 --> 00:53:33,084
♪ A moment's march ♪
807
00:53:33,501 --> 00:53:37,214
♪ From the beach ♪
808
00:53:41,593 --> 00:53:46,973
♪ My day is ♪
809
00:53:47,390 --> 00:53:49,935
♪ Growing near ♪
810
00:53:56,733 --> 00:54:00,237
♪ And here I find ♪
811
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:04,824
♪ No peace at all ♪
812
00:54:11,081 --> 00:54:14,709
♪ And here I find ♪
813
00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:18,630
♪ No peace at all ♪
814
00:54:25,262 --> 00:54:30,475
♪ I hear ♪
815
00:54:30,558 --> 00:54:34,187
♪ The summer sounds ♪
816
00:54:40,652 --> 00:54:47,617
♪ Silent only we keep on ♪
817
00:54:54,874 --> 00:54:59,129
♪ And here I find ♪
818
00:54:59,671 --> 00:55:04,342
♪ No peace at all ♪