1 00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:07,924 [cell door slams] 2 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,051 [theme song playing] 3 00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:58,850 [cell door slams] 4 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:16,618 [cell door slams] 5 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,122 -[indistinct chatter] -I can do it. 6 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:25,376 If I approach with a reasonable and a health-positive offer, 7 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,337 she can't say no. Right? 8 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:31,299 Look, I would talk to her for you, 9 00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:34,010 but I told Badison I'd no longer be her personal phone case, 10 00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:35,595 so I'm trying to avoid owing favors. 11 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:38,640 Other than sexual ones to you, of course. 12 00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,102 [Piper] Maybe her face is so scrunched up 13 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,188 because you can't move around. It's too crowded. 14 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:47,857 Regular physical exercise releases facial muscles. 15 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:52,070 I wouldn't lead with that. But you got this. 16 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:57,408 Ooh, Chapman's a real ringer for me. 17 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,410 Could be a double-digit opportunity for both us. 18 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,830 This game isn't as fun as I thought it would be. 19 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,206 How many points you got? 20 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:05,750 I haven't really been keeping track. 21 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:09,337 What the freight train? You gotta keep track of your points! 22 00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,340 [stutters] I'm losing interest. 23 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:14,300 Unacceptable. Mmm-mmm. 24 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:19,139 Hello. I'm Chapman. I live on your block. 25 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,349 I was wondering if I could have a minute of your time? 26 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:25,687 Look, I don't want to step on anybody's toes, 27 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:31,734 but I recently spoke with the head of Rec, and we're bringing back kickball. 28 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:37,490 And I was wondering if you or your colleagues would like to join. 29 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,075 I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. 30 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,910 We're gonna get extra blacktop time, 31 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:45,165 and I also think it will be an opportunity to get some actual cardio, 32 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,041 because of all of the running bases. 33 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:50,545 -I know what kickball is. -Of course. Would you like to sign up? 34 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,631 I retired my kickball shoes. 35 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:59,929 Would it be okay if I asked some of the other girls? 36 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,057 It's a free country. 37 00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:05,602 Thank you. 38 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:11,608 And if you change your mind, I'm gonna save a spot for you. 39 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:17,488 Oh! 40 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,909 [sighs] Freight train. 41 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,952 [indistinct chatter] 42 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:30,043 On a scale of one to Derek Jeter, how much do you hate that cookie? 43 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,546 I don't like her, with her clipboard. 44 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,174 No one starts things. I'm the starter. 45 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,968 [indistinct chatter] 46 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:41,679 Mmm. 47 00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:44,098 Why is this powder? 48 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,809 I had to get a little creative. 49 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,104 [snorts] Whoa! 50 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,981 [coughing] 51 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,066 Creative how? 52 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,986 I mighta used a riot girl to score from C-Block. 53 00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,823 Wait. You used my money to line the pockets of Carol-Block? 54 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,825 Desperate times. 55 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,745 But a temporary stop-gap, 'cause guess who bagged CO Enders? 56 00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:06,788 [laughs] 57 00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:09,791 Next week this time, be back in the pill business. 58 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,960 [chuckles and sniffles] Enders, huh? 59 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,002 Mmm. 60 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:14,796 How'd you flip her? 61 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:18,132 [chuckling] Shall I hazard a guess? 62 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,094 [exhales heavily] 63 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,680 I get it. I get it. 64 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:27,976 I started this business with a rimjob. [chuckles] 65 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,686 Receiving. 66 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:32,397 I don't kiss ass, with or without tongue. 67 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,985 But I have been known to shove my foot up one. 68 00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:39,821 You wanna bend over for me? What are you not saying? 69 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:42,615 She wants 55%. 70 00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:47,495 Oh. Oh, okay. Well... [chuckles] Could be worse. 71 00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:51,708 [inhales deeply] That extra 20% comes out of your cut. 72 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,585 [sighs] Got it. 73 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,254 [sighs and clears throat] 74 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,007 Come here. Come. Come here. 75 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:03,386 [sniffling] Mmm-hmm. Mmm. Mmm. 76 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,305 Hi. 77 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,767 I don't like it when I have to be the bad fly. 78 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:10,935 [chuckles] 79 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:15,064 Guy. Lady. [chuckles] 80 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,151 What do you say we rewind, huh? 81 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:25,783 This is where you fucking say, "Yes, ma'am." 82 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:27,827 Yes. I got you. 83 00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:31,080 Ma'am! 84 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,123 Jesus! 85 00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:35,501 Oh, my God! What are the flies doing here? 86 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:39,213 I told Tonya to close the lid on the Dumpster. 87 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,424 [inhales deeply] Did she clock out? 88 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,342 [breathing heavily] 89 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,141 What did you take? 90 00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,060 [grunting] 91 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:53,770 Do you have more? 92 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,355 [groaning] 93 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:59,233 -[bone clicks] -My elbow is clicking. You hear that? 94 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:02,945 Wait. Is your elbow emitting a high-pitched ringing 95 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,406 not unlike that of a tuning fork? 96 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:09,702 -'Cause that's the only sound I'm hearing. -It's like The Addams Family theme song. 97 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,370 ♪ Doo-be-doo-bee, click, click ♪ 98 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,873 ♪ Doo-be-doo-bee, click, click ♪ 99 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,709 I guess we are dialed in to different stations. 100 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,836 Thanks to you, those thugs fucked up my hinge joint 101 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,339 and I can't get that fucking song out of my head. 102 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:25,051 Oh, shit! You know what song I'm thinkin' about now? [grunts] 103 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:29,889 ♪ The knee bone's connected to the Leave-me-the-fuck-alone bone ♪ 104 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:32,683 I know your head hurts and all, 105 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,936 but you did get to stare into my cave of wonders. 106 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:36,437 So, you're welcome. 107 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:40,525 Well, I guess the gratitude part of my brain must've been damaged 108 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:44,070 when a bookshelf got slammed onto my head, because I was helping you. 109 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:47,490 On your feet, Flores. Your staycation from gen pop is up. 110 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:48,991 -The fuck? -Oh! 111 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:52,787 The doctor said to ice my ribs and rest for 72 hours. 112 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,205 And I have this click. 113 00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:55,873 A new patient needs the bed, 114 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,875 and you're the least likely to die, so come on. 115 00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,628 Oh, please, God, let the new girl be in a coma. 116 00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,172 I haven't had my after-breakfast pudding. 117 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,967 This ain't the Best Value Inn. Check out is now. 118 00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:07,635 Come on. You need help gettin' up? 119 00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:09,554 [stutters] Don't touch. 120 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:10,680 [sighs] 121 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,475 Oh, no! No! 122 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,185 I see how it is now. 123 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:20,982 You kick out someone from C-Block so a deplorable can get the bed. 124 00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:24,694 You outsource our jobs and repeal our healthcare? 125 00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,571 [Barbara] Go away! Go away! 126 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,407 No. No! No! 127 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,367 -Should I call Burch for a Psych consult? -Help! 128 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,785 [doctor] No. She's high as a kite. 129 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,745 Let's see how she's doing when she comes down. 130 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,873 Strap her tightly. Let her ride it out. 131 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,042 Please, you cannot put this squawking chicken next to me, man. 132 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,753 I have a migraine. I need sleep. 133 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:43,713 Good luck with that. 134 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,132 -[Barbara] Please help me! No! -Calm down. It's okay! 135 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,551 [groaning continues] 136 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,139 [Fig] Can I get a fucking towel, please? 137 00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:54,307 Give me a sec. 138 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,685 Towels. Towels. Towels. 139 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:01,189 I just gotta remember where I packed them. 140 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:04,358 How about this one? The one with "towels" written on it in Sharpie? 141 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,361 And it's full of books. Of course. 142 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,030 I got the boxes used. 143 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,741 [groans] Joe, you could have fuckin' relabeled. 144 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:12,783 Why? 145 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,161 I'll know it's books because it's heavy. 146 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:18,873 Also, when I open it up, I'll see books. 147 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:26,214 You didn't pull away. 148 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,883 I haven't had my coffee. My reflexes are compromised. 149 00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:30,885 I am soaked. Find me a towel. 150 00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:32,386 You're comfortable here. 151 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,306 Binge-watching Younger. 152 00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,893 Reading Nordic noir in bed. 153 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,479 You take your bra off the second you walk in the door. 154 00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:43,689 -The ladies like to breathe. -You see? 155 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,775 I'm finally getting to see the real Natalie. 156 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,568 It was more convenient to stay here 157 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:50,321 than to commute back and forth to Albany every day. 158 00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:55,785 You've been seen sitting across from me while I eat in public. 159 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,078 Once at a Five Guys. 160 00:08:57,161 --> 00:08:58,496 Relax. 161 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:02,583 It's like the last days of camp where everyone becomes best friends 162 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:06,337 and vows to stay in touch forever. It'll wear off a week after you're gone. 163 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,589 Speaking of, wasn't that supposed to be today? 164 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,175 I have one more thing to do. 165 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:15,096 And I need that shirt. The rest are in one of these boxes. 166 00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:16,556 One more thing? 167 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:22,770 Let's do something special before I leave Monday. 168 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:24,564 Properly mark the occasion. 169 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,400 You are such a delicate flower. 170 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:30,152 I was thinking something like a quickie in the garden 171 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,196 at the FDR Presidential Library? 172 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,073 You so have been saving that up. 173 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,242 Since 11th-grade US history. 174 00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:38,703 [chuckles] It's on my fucket list. 175 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,788 [chuckling] 176 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:43,583 -[indistinct chatter] -Let me ask you something. 177 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:47,336 Does this hair say "wrongfully accused" to you? 178 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:52,174 Mmm. That hair right there be sayin', 179 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:56,679 "Moisturize my ends. Please, Lord! Shea butter my shit." 180 00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,264 [chuckles] 181 00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:01,642 Why aren't you laughing? That's funny, talkin' hair. 182 00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:05,187 Come on. I gotta get loose for my show. 183 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,397 Ey! Ey! 184 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,191 -[sighs] -Your hair is fine. 185 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,526 I don't know why I'm so nervous. 186 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,321 I mean, Sylvia says I'm not even gonna be on camera. 187 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:15,072 'Cause your face would break it. 188 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,866 [laughing] 189 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:18,868 I'm sorry. 190 00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:21,120 That was low-hangin' fruit. You right. My bad. 191 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:23,331 Wait. 192 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,791 I thought you was done with interviews after the last one? 193 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,419 What you tryin' to do? Piss off the guards at every prison? 194 00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:30,004 It ain't an interview. 195 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:33,132 All right? I have a trial deposition tomorrow. 196 00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,761 I thought that wasn't for months? 197 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:42,016 [sighs heavily] No, man. Caputo is moving, so they wanna get his testimony now. 198 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:45,269 And he agreed to be a character witness and say nice things about me. 199 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,190 Like how I am not a murderer. 200 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:50,858 Shit. 201 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:55,196 And how I don't... [sighs] deserve the death penalty. 202 00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:56,489 [groans] 203 00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:57,823 [winces] 204 00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,533 Are you okay? 205 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,912 Yeah. I'm fine. Just... 206 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,082 My back has been hurting lately. 207 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:09,543 Probably 'cause of them concrete beds in Ad Seg. 208 00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,045 Might've pinched a nerve. 209 00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:15,424 Vee used to lay on her back with, like, books under her head. 210 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,510 Said it aligned the spine. 211 00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:21,931 -Yeah. Yeah, I could try that. -[Taystee sighs] 212 00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:24,141 -Yeah. -[sighs] 213 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,569 Can I have one of those? 214 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,281 -I don't know what you're talkin' about. -[sighs] 215 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,283 Yo, I got jumped for you, remember? 216 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,451 [sighs] 217 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,869 I still got pain. 218 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:47,039 Trust me, you don't want this. 219 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,126 These are some bath salts from three years ago. 220 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,671 Sent four girls to Psych before we got it off the market. 221 00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,090 Is that why Barb's in Medical? 222 00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:58,843 You were trying to kill her? 223 00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:00,636 [sighs] Nah. 224 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:04,515 Barb's a genuine addict. She can handle the punch. 225 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,310 [sighs] I'm just trying to buy some time is all. 226 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,522 She gets a little R&R in medical. And I get some time to think. 227 00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,190 That's some Iago shit. 228 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,693 You know, the bird from Aladdin? 229 00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:16,652 You don't get it. 230 00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:18,946 Druggie Barb wants to have me killed. 231 00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:20,364 Sober Barb will do it. 232 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:21,991 You sound paranoid and shit. 233 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:24,785 This morning, I caught my roommate messing with my toothpaste. 234 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,371 Damn. That's some messed-up shit. 235 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:28,456 [sighs] 236 00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:34,503 I'll get Barb's habit covered with what CO Enders smuggles in, but... 237 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,255 it's not enough for the whole block. 238 00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:37,673 [sighs] 239 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,092 I got no more ideas. 240 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:43,721 I maybe have an idea. 241 00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:44,763 Hmm? 242 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,974 I already smuggled in jizz. 243 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:48,934 Jizz? 244 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,437 [clicks tongue] 245 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:54,231 [Spanish music playing over speakers] 246 00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,404 All right, we're gonna take it to the left. 247 00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:04,783 -She said left, stupid. -I went left. 248 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,578 This is left. See? "L" for left. 249 00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:09,413 I'm confused. 250 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:13,626 Ladies! Let's control our bodies and remember the dancer's space. 251 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:16,754 Otherwise, accidents happen and you end up dancing from a chair. 252 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,423 I won't apologize for connecting to the music. 253 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:22,218 Which is why it's important to maintain proper form. 254 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:26,472 So that when you are out and the no-touching rule don't apply, 255 00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,516 you can carry on with a partner. 256 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:29,600 [chuckles] 257 00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:32,311 You know what? Hold on. 258 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,355 [chuckles] Oh, okay. 259 00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:36,524 Okay. Put your arms like this. Let's go. 260 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,569 Oh, wow. Okay. See? 261 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:44,073 Nobody wants to see you flapping around like a balloon at a car dealership. 262 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:47,451 But if you take ownership of your personal space... 263 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,495 -Okay, relax. Okay? -Okay. 264 00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,080 Just being a man is half of it. 265 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,874 Okay, tuck those hips in. 266 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,085 In, under, okay? 267 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,169 Let's go. 268 00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,505 That's right. 269 00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,340 Tuck it in. Tuck it in. 270 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:03,968 See the difference? 271 00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:06,804 Very good. 272 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:10,349 Yes, move those hips, too. Move the hips. 273 00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:14,478 -There you go! Luschek! -[chuckling] 274 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,655 Oh, it's, uh... I think the song's skipping. 275 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,324 All right. That's how it goes. 276 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:28,993 Now I'm really confused. 277 00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,078 [Gloria] Oh, my goodness. 278 00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:34,665 Okay. Let's, um... let's see those moves. 279 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,800 It takes some getting used to. The phone and the glass. 280 00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:46,802 Just like the movies, Ma. 281 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:52,266 It's so good to see you. Thank you for coming, Vasya. 282 00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:54,977 -I'm sorry I didn't come earlier. -No, it's fine. 283 00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:57,563 -You're here now. That's what's important. -Hmm. 284 00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:01,317 How is Yuri? And Maxsim? 285 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,445 They didn't want to visit their mamochka in the big house? Hmm? 286 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:06,363 Well, no, Yuri's good. 287 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:09,199 He got a trucking job with Salon du Chocolat. 288 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:13,203 He's gotta drive at night when it's cool or else the nougat melts. 289 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,581 -[chuckles] -So he sleeps during the day. 290 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,583 He got Maxsim a job. They're always on the road. 291 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:20,044 As long as they are working, that is good. 292 00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:20,961 Yeah. 293 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:25,090 [in Russian] Without work, one cannot pull a fish out of a pond. 294 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:28,260 [in English] Once they get on their feet, they'll make time for their mother. 295 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,470 You could all come together. 296 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,348 Maybe bring the grandbabies. 297 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,059 They're old enough to make the drive now, huh? 298 00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:35,976 Mmm. 299 00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:40,105 And your father? He is good, too? 300 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,442 Yeah, Pop's fine. 301 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:47,363 I stay with him every once in a while, but he's barely, uh... 302 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,031 He is also working? 303 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:53,035 [stutters] No. Actually, no, Ma. He doesn't have a job right now. 304 00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:56,872 Why didn't he come with you? Is he sick? 305 00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:01,085 No, he's okay. He's got his colitis, but he's okay. 306 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,422 Did you not tell him I'm ready to see him again? 307 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,801 I told him, Ma. But, um... 308 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,845 I don't think he's ready to see you. 309 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,765 What do you mean? 310 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:21,814 Ma, he's... he's seeing someone. 311 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,608 A woman. 312 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,068 I don't know. I think he's happy. 313 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:28,862 [chuckles] Oh, Jesus. 314 00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:30,656 Fuck. 315 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:36,370 [gasps] Oh, so that's why no one has fucking come to see me. 316 00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:39,373 Because you're all covering for your father's wandering pecker. 317 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,170 [in Russian] Love is not potatoes. You cannot throw it out a window. 318 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:49,842 [in English] But he's still married. I did not raise you to look the other way. 319 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:53,971 Ma, you cut him out. You cut all of us out. 320 00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:54,930 What did you expect? 321 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,808 I expected him to stay true to his marriage vows. 322 00:16:57,891 --> 00:16:59,727 [in Russian] "Endure, and you'll fall in love." 323 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:03,022 [in English] That was the romantic proverb he pledged to me on our wedding day. 324 00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:07,234 You see, this is why no one comes to visit you. Okay? 325 00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:09,945 To be lectured by Old Country maxims. 326 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,906 You put this glass between us, Ma. 327 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,492 You. No one else. You did it. 328 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,582 [crying] 329 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,921 [Dayanara] You look nice. 330 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,006 Who's the sucker? 331 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,841 I don't need no man to look nice. 332 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,343 It's for my self-esteem and shit. 333 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:36,138 You gotta envision the life you want and then manifest it. 334 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,931 So cheetah print is your vision? 335 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,349 [sighs] 336 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,643 You wanna be a rug in some Saudi guy's house? 337 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,520 First of all, it's leopard. 338 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,356 And like a leopard, I'm fucking adaptable. 339 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:50,819 Leopards learn to drag their prey into the trees so that the lions can't get it. 340 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:55,157 Margarita's real into nature documentaries. 341 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:58,160 -Thought you were getting your own place. -I'm working on it. 342 00:17:58,869 --> 00:17:59,870 Shit's expensive. 343 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,330 They want first and last month, 344 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,832 plus a security deposit, plus a fucking broker's fee. 345 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,751 And it gotta be a three-bedroom for the kids. 346 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:12,049 Look, I maybe got an idea that could help you get them back faster. 347 00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:15,677 You got any of Cesar's old connects? 348 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,766 We just gotta get around Lassie. 349 00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:24,520 I heard if you dip your underwear in coyote piss, 350 00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:25,646 you can mask the smell. 351 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,357 What are you talking, mija? I gotta wear underwear now? 352 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,401 Yeah, 'cause you're gonna be sticking... 353 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,404 up your... 354 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:37,449 And then you're gonna stash it in that visitor's bathroom, and I-- 355 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,202 Are you fucking crazy? 356 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,037 You want me to end up back in there with you? 357 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,039 They're my family, too. 358 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,667 You can't leave them in foster care. You said you needed money. 359 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,460 I'm getting money. 360 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:51,046 I'm killing it with the Nutri Herbal shit. 361 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,424 I'm about to make Captain's Club and get a three-day cruise to St. Thomas. 362 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:57,136 -That's bullshit and you know it. -No. You're bullshit. 363 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,345 [sighs] 364 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:02,307 I'm like a leopard. I learn from my mistakes. 365 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:05,686 And I ain't gonna let no lion take away my second chance. 366 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:13,235 We're back with our new advice segment, Asking for a Friend. 367 00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:17,114 "Dear AFAF, I changed my whole life for this person. 368 00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:22,327 I dyed my hair blonde, became a lesbian and got a tattoo of my lover's name." 369 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,204 Okay, I see the problem. 370 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:28,876 Okay, my advice is never get a tattoo of a lover's name. 371 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:32,838 Also, never use the word "lover." 372 00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:35,966 I mean, have we learned nothing from Angelina Jolie? 373 00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,844 Or Nick Cannon? [chuckling] Or Johnny Depp? 374 00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:42,931 I mean, just because you change your tattoo to say "Wino Forever," 375 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,851 doesn't mean we won't remember it once said "Winona." 376 00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:50,272 [gasps] Johnny Depp was knockin' cowboy boots with Wynonna Judd? 377 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,610 Hmm, love can build a bridge. 378 00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:58,947 Only acceptable name to tattoo on your body is your mother's. 379 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,408 But, like, don't do that. That's weird. 380 00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:05,662 Um, just stick to, like, shooting stars for luck or, like, Bauhaus lyrics. 381 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,289 [groaning softly] 382 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:08,957 [sighs] 383 00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:12,669 BRB with more straight-talk-a from Flaca. 384 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:13,962 And your girl, Tova. 385 00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:18,008 -[groans] -God, can you, like, come up here, please? 386 00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:21,303 My back is jacked. This the only way the pain is less than seven. 387 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,638 You should get that checked out. 388 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:27,100 No. I am done with prison doctors after Gyno Glenn. 389 00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:29,353 Don't be comin' at me with your judgy face, 390 00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:30,729 gripin' 'bout a yeast infection 391 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:33,315 when it ain't my choice to wear polyester panties. 392 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,735 It's like I'm talking to nobody. I can't find any kind of flow. 393 00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:40,530 This segment is a dud anyway. It's killing our comedy. 394 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,742 No. We're helping people. 395 00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:48,455 Writing letters when you got no other option is cathartic and shit. 396 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:53,877 It's like going to confession with a priest, 397 00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:55,545 except no one's gonna molest you. 398 00:20:58,131 --> 00:20:59,925 They're everywhere. 399 00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:02,052 They're fucking everywhere. 400 00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:06,765 Please! Please! Please. 401 00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:08,684 They're gonna eat my face off. 402 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,770 -Oh, my God. Okay. Okay. -[breathing heavily] 403 00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:14,606 -Who are they? -The flies. 404 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,025 Hmm. And how do you know they're gonna eat you? 405 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:20,612 They told me, with their little tiny hand-rubbing. 406 00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:24,157 Excuse me. 407 00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:27,411 I was recently appointed the Lord of the Flies. Okay? 408 00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:30,038 So I happen to know that they're vegetarian. 409 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,332 Exactly. I'm a carrot. 410 00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:36,420 Okay. Well, that's useful information. Thank you. 411 00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:41,466 You see that giant green frog over there? 412 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:42,676 [gasps] Huh. 413 00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:43,927 [Nicky] By the plant? 414 00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:48,265 [gasps] Look! The frog ate him. 415 00:21:48,348 --> 00:21:50,017 -[laughing] -Oh! 416 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,102 Merci beaucoup, Mr. Frog. 417 00:21:53,186 --> 00:21:55,897 May I call you Edward Sutton Weaver III? 418 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:57,190 Oui. 419 00:21:58,442 --> 00:21:59,943 [breathes heavily] 420 00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:02,487 Cool. [sighs] 421 00:22:03,363 --> 00:22:05,824 -[gasps] What if they come back? -Yeah. 422 00:22:05,907 --> 00:22:08,118 [stutters] They can't find you if you're quiet. 423 00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:10,454 They have five eyes. 424 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:15,208 All right. Look, don't worry. I'm gonna guide you out of the swamp. 425 00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:16,335 Okay. 426 00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:20,172 First, let's crouch down, okay? Real low. 427 00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:25,677 [whispering] Lower. Lower. 428 00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:28,889 Thank you so much for helping me. 429 00:22:28,972 --> 00:22:31,933 [shushes] No fly zone. 430 00:22:32,976 --> 00:22:33,977 [mouthing] Thank you. 431 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:38,815 [in Spanish] This weird thing happened with Luschek in class. 432 00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:41,985 Weird? [scoffs] Luschek? 433 00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:44,321 -Go on... -Well... 434 00:22:44,988 --> 00:22:48,366 You know how fear makes Luschek, you know? 435 00:22:49,409 --> 00:22:52,329 [in English] Oh, yeah. I heard about the Chapo. Yeah. 436 00:22:53,371 --> 00:22:57,000 Would you describe me as, um... scary? 437 00:22:58,251 --> 00:23:00,212 No, not really. Like, Mom scary. 438 00:23:00,295 --> 00:23:02,714 Like, I-don't-wanna-disappoint-you scary. 439 00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:05,342 [in Spanish] But I don't think he got hard because of that. 440 00:23:05,425 --> 00:23:07,177 [grunting] 441 00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:10,889 [breathing heavily] 442 00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:15,602 At the time of this boner... 443 00:23:15,685 --> 00:23:17,229 [breathing heavily] 444 00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:19,815 [in English] where was his crotch? 445 00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:24,903 Well, it was, like, grinding into my right thigh. 446 00:23:24,986 --> 00:23:27,989 [in Spanish] But it was a teachable moment for the purpose of dance. 447 00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,199 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 448 00:23:30,033 --> 00:23:32,202 This wasn't a fear boner. 449 00:23:32,285 --> 00:23:35,413 [in English] That was a boner-boner. [chuckles] Luschek is into you. 450 00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:37,582 [scoffs and sighs] 451 00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:40,752 Oh, damn. The food is here. [in Spanish] Let's get you back down. 452 00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:41,837 [in English] No. 453 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,799 [in Spanish] Doc prescribed Midol and not getting my ass beat again. 454 00:23:45,882 --> 00:23:47,717 Better to stay here 455 00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:51,805 till someone else fucks up and those bitches forget about me. 456 00:23:51,888 --> 00:23:52,764 Wait. 457 00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:56,893 [in English] Blues did this to you? 458 00:23:59,354 --> 00:24:00,897 [sighs] All right. 459 00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:03,316 Point those bitches out. I'll-- 460 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:04,693 [in Spanish] For what? 461 00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:07,779 End up with undiagnosed internal bleeding, too? 462 00:24:07,863 --> 00:24:09,781 Nah, that's stupid. 463 00:24:09,865 --> 00:24:13,201 [in English] I can go on six days without eating. That's how I won my first car. 464 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:14,995 You need to tell a guard or something. 465 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:16,705 [in Spanish] Who? 466 00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:19,541 The one that beats Daya or the one that beats Taystee? 467 00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:21,877 [in English] Must be someone 468 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,296 who doesn't buy into this alphabet war bullshit. 469 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:29,050 [scoffs] If I had your ass, I would ask Luschek. 470 00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:32,345 [in Spanish] But I got my Tia Mirna's. 471 00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:34,681 [in English] Everybody has their superpowers. 472 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:39,227 Ay, you stupid. 473 00:24:40,395 --> 00:24:42,105 [Blanca winces and exhales] 474 00:24:42,189 --> 00:24:43,440 I need 16 signatures 475 00:24:43,523 --> 00:24:46,651 in order for Luschek to open the yard for kickball practice. 476 00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:50,614 I canvassed the block all day and I have three signatures. 477 00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:52,949 Three! 478 00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:56,661 One of which is Beth the Babykiller. 479 00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:58,914 Which is too long of a name to put on a kickball jersey. 480 00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:02,667 I'll sign up. That makes four. Quarter way there. 481 00:25:02,751 --> 00:25:04,586 I already forged your signature. 482 00:25:05,212 --> 00:25:07,756 We're engaged. It's legal. 483 00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:10,884 [chuckles] You seem to forget that I have a busted shoulder. 484 00:25:10,967 --> 00:25:12,594 Might not be much help in the outfield. 485 00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:14,846 I thought that you could be designated kicker, 486 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:18,642 which means I'm actually short 14 spots. 487 00:25:18,725 --> 00:25:22,646 Kickball is classic childhood fun. Why doesn't anybody wanna play? 488 00:25:23,271 --> 00:25:25,482 Guys? I'm asking you. 489 00:25:27,692 --> 00:25:28,693 Come on, Dwight? 490 00:25:29,903 --> 00:25:33,073 You look like you've... seen sports. 491 00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:37,327 It's not really a great time for me to be in the vicinity of flying balls. 492 00:25:37,410 --> 00:25:38,870 [chuckling] 493 00:25:39,579 --> 00:25:40,580 Balls. 494 00:25:41,164 --> 00:25:42,499 And what's your excuse? 495 00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:46,294 Okay. That's fair. 496 00:25:48,755 --> 00:25:51,716 Oh, man, white girl, I would join, 497 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,636 but I am swamped with Salsa Fitness by Gloria. 498 00:25:54,719 --> 00:25:57,806 I gotta make lesson plans, come up with new eight-counts-- 499 00:25:57,889 --> 00:26:01,142 Everybody is complaining about the loss of these cheese jobs 500 00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:02,227 and having nothing to do, 501 00:26:02,310 --> 00:26:05,522 so I offer a little bit of extra time in the open air-- 502 00:26:05,605 --> 00:26:08,817 Well, open air barely visible through a slatted roof. 503 00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:11,111 Organized sports are nature's anti-depressants. 504 00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:13,405 Remind me why you give a shit, Pipes. 505 00:26:14,281 --> 00:26:16,825 Because this place sucks. 506 00:26:17,575 --> 00:26:20,996 At night, we're locked in a box, which is locked in a cage, 507 00:26:21,079 --> 00:26:24,791 which is locked in a windowless compound, and I cannot do anything to change that. 508 00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:32,966 But I can reinstate kickball. 509 00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:39,681 A small, tiny thing that will make this place suck less. 510 00:26:39,764 --> 00:26:42,642 Both while I'm here and for those who come after. 511 00:26:44,894 --> 00:26:46,813 That's actually really nice. 512 00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:49,190 Maybe you could try tetherball? 513 00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:53,361 [chuckles] It doesn't matter what I choose. Nobody's going to sign up. 514 00:26:54,571 --> 00:26:56,740 -I bet Badison's behind this. -[Badison laughs] 515 00:26:57,449 --> 00:26:59,409 She's marking her territory all over my stuff. 516 00:26:59,492 --> 00:27:02,162 Maybe nobody's signing up because of this, uh, gang shit. 517 00:27:02,912 --> 00:27:06,124 This block system is totally insane. 518 00:27:06,207 --> 00:27:09,794 I mean, we're supposed to bow down to those mousey bitches? 519 00:27:09,878 --> 00:27:13,882 Be all C-Block ride or die, no reasons? [tsks] 520 00:27:13,965 --> 00:27:17,635 That's how Max operates. Gangs run this place. 521 00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:19,346 Personally, I like having a team. 522 00:27:20,013 --> 00:27:23,058 -You know what is all about teams? -Please don't say the word "kickball." 523 00:27:23,892 --> 00:27:26,353 It ain't a team if they're attacking their own. 524 00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:27,479 Ask Blanca. 525 00:27:27,562 --> 00:27:30,690 This is like how they tame elephants to stay in a box. 526 00:27:30,774 --> 00:27:32,901 First, they tie them with a rope when they're babies. 527 00:27:32,984 --> 00:27:36,654 And then by the time they're fully grown, you can keep them in there with a string. 528 00:27:41,159 --> 00:27:44,245 They also savagely beat them with bullhooks. 529 00:27:44,829 --> 00:27:47,957 I'm not sure how applicable that is to this situation. 530 00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:50,627 You know what? Busted nose is right. 531 00:27:51,836 --> 00:27:54,422 Gangs trick you into feeling like you got no other option, 532 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:55,882 but we each got our own power. 533 00:27:57,258 --> 00:28:01,930 Chapman, you wanna make kickball happen? Make kickball happen. 534 00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:04,432 These aren't the only bitches in this prison. 535 00:28:05,266 --> 00:28:06,434 Break the string. 536 00:28:11,398 --> 00:28:13,817 [Flaca] Good morning, Maxinistas! 537 00:28:14,818 --> 00:28:17,237 Oh! Whoa! 538 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,781 Got a whole stack of letters to get through. 539 00:28:19,864 --> 00:28:24,244 [scoffs] My girl Flaca was right. Y'all got hella problems. 540 00:28:24,327 --> 00:28:27,080 And, uh, we must be some kind of advice goddesses. 541 00:28:27,163 --> 00:28:28,623 -[Flaca] Mmm-hmm. -Hmm. 542 00:28:29,416 --> 00:28:31,626 This one looks interesting. 543 00:28:32,836 --> 00:28:38,383 "Dear Asking for a Friend, me and my friend got caught up in a thing. 544 00:28:38,466 --> 00:28:43,012 I lied to protect myself and now my friend is going down for it. 545 00:28:45,098 --> 00:28:49,728 The guilt is killing me. It's giving me stomach aches. 546 00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:53,898 I think I might have an ulcer. What should I do?" 547 00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:56,943 -[breathes heavily] -Wow. 548 00:28:57,026 --> 00:29:00,113 That's, like, a real pickle for our poor letter-writer. 549 00:29:00,196 --> 00:29:02,407 [chuckles] I got this one, Tova. 550 00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:05,076 Speak on it, sis. 551 00:29:06,035 --> 00:29:07,704 I got a best friend. 552 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:11,958 She's in a facility 1,500 miles away, 553 00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:15,670 and I think about her every day. [chuckles] 554 00:29:16,463 --> 00:29:19,382 I think about her when I'm putting on my makeup 555 00:29:19,466 --> 00:29:21,634 and when I'm taking off my makeup 556 00:29:21,718 --> 00:29:25,221 and when I'm thinking about what makeup I'm gonna do. 557 00:29:27,098 --> 00:29:28,516 'Cause that's what friends do. 558 00:29:30,268 --> 00:29:31,811 But this letter-writer? 559 00:29:32,729 --> 00:29:34,397 She's a traitor and a hater. 560 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,192 You need to take blame for what you did. 561 00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:40,445 [stutters] Well, no, I really don't think she did something. 562 00:29:40,528 --> 00:29:42,572 She said she lied about something. 563 00:29:42,655 --> 00:29:43,907 Yeah, "lied." [scoffs] 564 00:29:43,990 --> 00:29:47,118 Lied about being a person capable of friendship, 565 00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:51,456 and now her stomach acid is punishing her because... uh, she's a selfish bitch. 566 00:29:51,539 --> 00:29:53,541 Whoa, whoa. Language. 567 00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,293 "Bitch" is fine. 568 00:29:55,376 --> 00:29:57,128 Betty White said it on Hot in Cleveland. 569 00:29:57,212 --> 00:29:58,463 [sighs] 570 00:29:58,546 --> 00:30:00,048 [Flaca] If I met this letter-writer, 571 00:30:00,131 --> 00:30:03,259 I'd say, "There are two things I don't like about you. 572 00:30:04,302 --> 00:30:06,763 -Your face--" -Well, sass it down a notch. 573 00:30:06,846 --> 00:30:12,018 Well, this writer should suffocate herself for making the world a worse place. 574 00:30:12,101 --> 00:30:13,144 Ow! 575 00:30:15,021 --> 00:30:16,272 What the hell? 576 00:30:16,856 --> 00:30:17,941 [sighs] 577 00:30:19,108 --> 00:30:21,110 You understand that everything you say here today 578 00:30:21,194 --> 00:30:25,073 is under oath and will be recorded and may be used during trial? 579 00:30:25,782 --> 00:30:27,242 I do. 580 00:30:27,909 --> 00:30:30,495 Please state your full name for the court record. 581 00:30:30,578 --> 00:30:32,705 Joseph Salvatore Caputo. 582 00:30:32,789 --> 00:30:36,334 Mr. Caputo, can you describe the nature of your relationship 583 00:30:36,417 --> 00:30:38,545 with the defendant, Ms. Tasha Jefferson? 584 00:30:38,628 --> 00:30:41,172 Ms. Jefferson was an inmate under my care 585 00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:42,966 at the Litchfield Correctional Institution. 586 00:30:43,049 --> 00:30:44,759 And you were warden of this facility? 587 00:30:45,385 --> 00:30:49,097 [stutters] Technically, the director of human activity 588 00:30:49,180 --> 00:30:51,224 but that's corporate speak. 589 00:30:51,307 --> 00:30:56,312 Ms. Jefferson was also assigned work duty as my secretarial assistant. 590 00:30:57,313 --> 00:30:59,732 Personally chosen by me, I might add, 591 00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:02,902 due to her placing first in our mock jobs fair. 592 00:31:04,028 --> 00:31:06,906 How would you describe your working relationship? 593 00:31:06,990 --> 00:31:08,575 I'd say she was an excellent assistant. 594 00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:11,286 She was very dedicated to her job. 595 00:31:11,369 --> 00:31:15,832 Easy to motivate, amenable to criticism. [sighs] 596 00:31:15,915 --> 00:31:19,544 Stubborn, but a great attitude. 597 00:31:19,627 --> 00:31:21,754 [chuckling] She dropped her fair share of phone calls, 598 00:31:21,838 --> 00:31:26,342 but, in her defense, the phones could be tricky at Litchfield. 599 00:31:27,176 --> 00:31:28,970 We had a good working relationship. 600 00:31:31,055 --> 00:31:32,974 [upbeat song playing over radio] 601 00:31:36,019 --> 00:31:37,270 You ever been to Farmer Cubana? 602 00:31:37,353 --> 00:31:40,565 They have the most incredible pulled pork sandwich. 603 00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:42,400 It's 9:00 a.m. 604 00:31:42,942 --> 00:31:46,070 [scoffs] That's the beauty of brunch. If you can have French toast at 2:00, 605 00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:48,990 you can have barbeque in the morning, you know. 606 00:31:49,073 --> 00:31:50,158 Not a brunch person, or... 607 00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:53,953 I read you should only eat fruit before 11:00 for the digestion. 608 00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:55,413 Hmm. 609 00:31:55,496 --> 00:31:58,666 [gasps] Uh, I know this other place. It's called Urban Soul. 610 00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:04,005 They have this live bluegrass trio, they're amazing, and bottomless mimosas. 611 00:32:04,088 --> 00:32:05,632 That don't sound fun to me. 612 00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:11,387 [stutters] Uh, we could go to Costco. We get a rotisserie chicken 613 00:32:11,471 --> 00:32:13,681 and check out the free Eagles cover band in the park. 614 00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:16,059 I don't like none of those things. 615 00:32:17,644 --> 00:32:21,272 Come on, I mean, it's... I have the whole day off. 616 00:32:21,356 --> 00:32:25,568 What do you normally do on the weekends? You know, with your boyfriends? 617 00:32:25,652 --> 00:32:30,114 Ain't no weekends when you're in sales. Saturday is my biggest day. 618 00:32:30,198 --> 00:32:32,700 People finally home to open their doors. 619 00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:36,037 What if I bought what you make on a typical Saturday? 620 00:32:38,915 --> 00:32:41,417 -Four cases. -[scoffs] Deal. 621 00:32:41,501 --> 00:32:44,921 I meant five. And you gotta pay for Sunday, too, 'cause of the commute. 622 00:32:46,881 --> 00:32:47,882 All right. 623 00:32:50,009 --> 00:32:53,554 If you're hungry, I know a place that makes amazing mofongo. 624 00:32:54,514 --> 00:32:56,933 -Mofongo? [laughs] -Mofongo. You're gonna love it. 625 00:33:00,019 --> 00:33:01,896 [indistinct yelling] 626 00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:06,234 [indistinct chatter] 627 00:33:06,317 --> 00:33:08,444 Pendejo, you couldn't give me another minute? 628 00:33:08,528 --> 00:33:09,988 Yeah, you're a real gentleman, huh? 629 00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:12,323 Yo, be careful with my shit, bro. 630 00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:13,616 Where the hell you been? 631 00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:15,660 I've been callin' you all night. 632 00:33:15,743 --> 00:33:16,828 Is that my shirt? 633 00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:19,414 You pissed it's not on the sidewalk with all your other shit? 634 00:33:19,497 --> 00:33:21,374 If you'd paid your half, it wouldn't be. 635 00:33:21,457 --> 00:33:24,752 The landlord sent his wife this time, so I couldn't jerk him off. 636 00:33:25,420 --> 00:33:26,796 My mom's on her way with a U-Haul, 637 00:33:26,879 --> 00:33:29,424 but she got wedged under a bridge, she gotta wait for a tow truck. 638 00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:30,967 I don't wanna live with your mother. 639 00:33:31,050 --> 00:33:33,177 [chuckles] Good, 'cause you're not invited. 640 00:33:34,220 --> 00:33:38,016 My moms don't trust women. You gotta find somewhere else. 641 00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:41,811 Yo, be careful with my shit. 642 00:33:43,396 --> 00:33:45,023 Don't just stand there. 643 00:33:45,106 --> 00:33:48,026 Ain't you never seen somebody be evicted before? 644 00:33:48,109 --> 00:33:50,737 Go get boxes and donuts. 645 00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:54,907 [sighs] 646 00:34:02,957 --> 00:34:05,001 I'm so happy you decided to come. 647 00:34:05,084 --> 00:34:09,422 I'm telling you, it's lovely to be around people who don't judge you. 648 00:34:09,505 --> 00:34:12,300 And you're sure some D-Blockers will be in here? 649 00:34:12,383 --> 00:34:14,761 Non-hostile, athletically-inclined ones? 650 00:34:14,844 --> 00:34:16,429 This is a safe space. 651 00:34:16,512 --> 00:34:20,016 [Maria] "...be thrown into the sea, with a millstone tied around their neck 652 00:34:20,099 --> 00:34:23,478 than to cause one of these little ones to stumble." 653 00:34:23,561 --> 00:34:25,396 "So watch yourselves. 654 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:30,026 If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them, 655 00:34:30,109 --> 00:34:32,737 and if they repent, forgive them." 656 00:34:32,820 --> 00:34:35,948 Religious people are a peaceful people. 657 00:34:36,032 --> 00:34:38,534 -"And even if they sin against you..." -Not historically. 658 00:34:38,618 --> 00:34:40,912 "...seven times in one day 659 00:34:40,995 --> 00:34:46,793 and come back to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive them." 660 00:34:47,585 --> 00:34:49,796 And what does this mean to you? 661 00:34:54,675 --> 00:34:57,804 [stutters] I don't know. I read and re-read this so many times. 662 00:34:57,887 --> 00:34:59,514 I don't know. I think it's kinda bullshit. 663 00:34:59,597 --> 00:35:01,390 I know I'm not supposed to say that in here, 664 00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,601 but it just doesn't make sense. 665 00:35:03,684 --> 00:35:05,603 What about, "Fool me once, shame on you. 666 00:35:05,686 --> 00:35:08,106 Fool me twice, shame on me. But fool me seven times, 667 00:35:08,189 --> 00:35:10,525 then you deserve what's coming to you?" 668 00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:19,075 And maybe that's the kind of thinking that got me in here in the first place. 669 00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:22,453 Maybe if somebody messes up that many times, 670 00:35:22,537 --> 00:35:24,580 it's more about them hurting or something. 671 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:29,836 And that me retaliating isn't gonna fix that problem, 672 00:35:29,919 --> 00:35:31,587 only make a new one. 673 00:35:33,756 --> 00:35:35,716 Thank you for sharing, Maria. 674 00:35:40,346 --> 00:35:43,015 Now, would anyone else like to share their insights... 675 00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:46,310 [whispering] I have always been partial to that Maya Angelou quote, 676 00:35:47,019 --> 00:35:51,232 "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." 677 00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:54,235 I don't hate that. 678 00:35:56,112 --> 00:35:58,030 [Piper whispering] When I first got here, 679 00:35:58,114 --> 00:36:01,409 you were really pregnant and you were kind of nice. 680 00:36:03,327 --> 00:36:06,497 Yeah? Okay, look, we were never friends. 681 00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:09,125 But you didn't hate me at first. 682 00:36:09,208 --> 00:36:13,212 I know I'm supposed to talk about "The Judgment of Solomon," 683 00:36:13,296 --> 00:36:16,966 but today, I want to talk about the Cult of the Holy Virgin. 684 00:36:17,049 --> 00:36:19,886 I told you I googled that. It's not a real thing. 685 00:36:19,969 --> 00:36:22,722 That is because the Internet is controlled by men, 686 00:36:22,805 --> 00:36:25,683 -and the Cult is for women only. -[chuckling] 687 00:36:25,766 --> 00:36:29,103 The Internet does not want the world to know. 688 00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:31,147 But the man will not keep us down. 689 00:36:31,939 --> 00:36:33,900 We have been cast out for too long. 690 00:36:33,983 --> 00:36:38,362 I'm doing this thing. It's kind of stupid. I'm starting a kickball league. 691 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,575 Um, I need 16 signatures. We get extra yard time. 692 00:36:42,658 --> 00:36:45,077 [whispering] If you wanna, uh, sign up... 693 00:36:47,038 --> 00:36:49,207 [Adeola] It cannot be contained. 694 00:36:49,290 --> 00:36:54,253 It has been too long that our power and our flower has been ignored. 695 00:36:54,337 --> 00:36:58,049 But what if we took all of the flowers and combined them, 696 00:36:58,132 --> 00:37:00,968 and the smell would be overpowering, 697 00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:03,930 and it would be a different world, it would be a smarter world, 698 00:37:04,013 --> 00:37:07,558 it would be the world of gardens? 699 00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:11,520 You were also present for the riot negotiations, 700 00:37:11,604 --> 00:37:13,689 spearheaded by Ms. Jefferson, were you not? 701 00:37:13,773 --> 00:37:18,819 Not from the start, but I was brought in about halfway, yes. 702 00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:21,030 What was your impression of my client during that time? 703 00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:25,326 She took her role as lead negotiator very seriously. 704 00:37:25,409 --> 00:37:28,746 She was articulate. She was prepared with statistics. 705 00:37:29,830 --> 00:37:35,002 It is not easy to go toe-to-toe with Natalie Figueroa, let me tell you, 706 00:37:35,711 --> 00:37:36,963 but she did. 707 00:37:37,046 --> 00:37:40,216 She was focused on improving the conditions of the prison, 708 00:37:40,299 --> 00:37:42,843 which is more than I can say for most of her fellow inmates, 709 00:37:42,927 --> 00:37:46,430 who were just reveling in the... "the Purge." 710 00:37:47,890 --> 00:37:50,268 Thank you, Mr. Caputo. 711 00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:52,228 I have no more questions. 712 00:37:55,356 --> 00:37:56,774 Mr. Caputo. 713 00:37:57,733 --> 00:38:00,444 It seems you had a very close relationship with the defendant. 714 00:38:01,028 --> 00:38:04,073 I take my role as rehabilitator very seriously. 715 00:38:04,657 --> 00:38:07,493 During the defendant's incitement of the riot, 716 00:38:07,576 --> 00:38:10,705 a crime to which she has already pleaded guilty, 717 00:38:10,788 --> 00:38:12,999 was there ever a point where you feared for your life? 718 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,501 No. Never. 719 00:38:15,584 --> 00:38:21,424 Really? Not once during three days of kidnapping and false imprisonment? 720 00:38:23,884 --> 00:38:25,136 No. 721 00:38:25,219 --> 00:38:28,014 Were you scared when Ms. Jefferson physically assaulted you? 722 00:38:28,097 --> 00:38:29,932 -I wouldn't say she assaulted me. -I barely-- 723 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:32,935 My client apologizes. 724 00:38:33,894 --> 00:38:36,856 The former head of public relations at MCC 725 00:38:36,939 --> 00:38:41,235 has testified that he witnessed Ms. Jefferson punch you in the face, 726 00:38:41,902 --> 00:38:46,407 resulting in blood, quote, "pouring from your nose." 727 00:38:46,490 --> 00:38:47,867 Did that not happen? 728 00:38:51,662 --> 00:38:53,122 Yes, it did, but-- 729 00:38:53,205 --> 00:38:56,667 This was after the defendant, along with three other inmates, 730 00:38:56,751 --> 00:38:58,919 trapped you in your office and threatened you 731 00:38:59,003 --> 00:39:01,213 with various homemade prison weapons, 732 00:39:01,297 --> 00:39:05,092 including "a board lined with rusty nails"? 733 00:39:10,264 --> 00:39:13,642 Could you answer out loud, please, for the court reporter? 734 00:39:15,394 --> 00:39:16,228 Yes. 735 00:39:18,731 --> 00:39:20,191 [sighs] 736 00:39:20,274 --> 00:39:22,151 [indistinct chatter] 737 00:39:24,111 --> 00:39:24,987 [clears throat] 738 00:39:26,113 --> 00:39:27,490 Nice try with Enders. 739 00:39:28,491 --> 00:39:30,910 It's too bad she got busted coming in this morning. 740 00:39:30,993 --> 00:39:33,037 Turns out tucking shit in your undertit 741 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,956 doesn't work so well after a breast reduction. 742 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,751 And why do women do that, huh? 743 00:39:38,834 --> 00:39:43,839 I mean, outside of cancer, why would a woman ever make her tits smaller? 744 00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:47,134 Fucking serves her right. 745 00:39:53,682 --> 00:39:55,059 We should start a club. 746 00:39:57,978 --> 00:39:59,188 We're injury buddies. 747 00:39:59,271 --> 00:40:01,857 [chuckles] We were never buddy-buddies. 748 00:40:02,441 --> 00:40:03,984 Not too late to start. 749 00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:08,823 Did you want something, gimpy? 750 00:40:09,824 --> 00:40:13,953 Thought you should know, your girls are falling down on their job. 751 00:40:14,036 --> 00:40:15,579 Not watching your back like they should. 752 00:40:17,540 --> 00:40:19,125 Why do I need to watch my back? 753 00:40:19,959 --> 00:40:21,794 Heard some inmates talking about a coup. 754 00:40:22,753 --> 00:40:26,465 Trying to undermine your position. Like Gloria, for one. 755 00:40:27,049 --> 00:40:29,301 Gloria? Which one is Gloria? 756 00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:35,224 [scoffs and laughs] 757 00:40:35,307 --> 00:40:38,144 What, is she gonna lead a Dance Dance Revolution? 758 00:40:38,227 --> 00:40:40,062 She gettin' all up on Luschek. 759 00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:43,315 And not because of his undeniable sexual magnetism. 760 00:40:43,399 --> 00:40:45,651 What's that? You got an eye thing? 761 00:40:45,734 --> 00:40:49,488 I'm saying, she getting close to him for the wrong reasons. 762 00:40:49,989 --> 00:40:51,073 Your reasons. 763 00:40:55,119 --> 00:40:56,495 What do you think you know? 764 00:40:57,496 --> 00:40:59,415 I'm an appreciator of beauty. 765 00:41:00,499 --> 00:41:06,172 I watch Luschek and when I watch him, I see what I see. 766 00:41:06,255 --> 00:41:09,633 Like, how every day he got a different phone. 767 00:41:10,634 --> 00:41:11,844 Understand me? 768 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:14,388 Oh, I'm starting to overstand. 769 00:41:16,182 --> 00:41:17,600 It's Zirconia, right? 770 00:41:19,351 --> 00:41:23,814 If your intel shakes out, I might start calling you Diamond. 771 00:41:23,898 --> 00:41:25,232 [Badison chuckles] 772 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:27,735 Actually, cubic zirconia are optically flawless, 773 00:41:27,818 --> 00:41:30,529 so, you should probably stick with the "Z" word. 774 00:41:30,613 --> 00:41:33,199 Lady, your real name is Irene. 775 00:41:33,282 --> 00:41:35,493 I call you Diamond, be grateful. 776 00:41:36,869 --> 00:41:39,538 So she's the one who OD'ed, but it's my fault? 777 00:41:39,622 --> 00:41:42,833 Christ. Firstborn's supposed to be the responsible one, 778 00:41:42,917 --> 00:41:46,003 so how come I had enough sense not to get hooked on my own product? 779 00:41:46,086 --> 00:41:48,631 Classic junkie. It's always somebody else's fault. 780 00:41:48,714 --> 00:41:50,424 Junkie's got nothing to do with it. 781 00:41:50,508 --> 00:41:52,510 Family always blames family. 782 00:41:52,593 --> 00:41:55,179 Yesterday, my son told me that I'm the reason 783 00:41:55,262 --> 00:42:00,059 my husband is prematurely ejaculating into a divorcee from Sheepshead Bay. 784 00:42:00,142 --> 00:42:04,271 [scoffs] The problem with family is expectations. 785 00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:06,815 Unconditional love, my ass-crack. 786 00:42:06,899 --> 00:42:08,734 Gotta earn my affections. They're not a right. 787 00:42:08,817 --> 00:42:13,405 Exactly. I spent weeks apologizing to my son, begging him to visit, 788 00:42:13,489 --> 00:42:16,700 when I was the one who grew him from a speck of nothing. 789 00:42:16,784 --> 00:42:19,745 Fed him milk from my breast for three fucking years 790 00:42:19,828 --> 00:42:22,039 and now my tits hang like shriveled figs. 791 00:42:22,122 --> 00:42:23,082 [laughs] 792 00:42:23,165 --> 00:42:28,754 "Aw, Mommy, please come visit me. I'm so sad you only visit Barbie." 793 00:42:28,837 --> 00:42:33,467 Fuck unconditional love. Hate keeps me warm at night. 794 00:42:34,718 --> 00:42:37,304 -In Russia, we have a saying. -Hmm. 795 00:42:37,388 --> 00:42:40,558 [in Russian] "Those who love you will make you weep. 796 00:42:40,641 --> 00:42:43,394 Those who hate you will make you laugh." 797 00:42:44,103 --> 00:42:47,356 You don't even have to translate that. I hear you loud and clear. 798 00:42:50,317 --> 00:42:52,152 Sit there. Across from me. 799 00:42:52,903 --> 00:42:54,154 She's my partner now. 800 00:43:13,382 --> 00:43:15,593 Thinking you're a runaway carrot is nothing. 801 00:43:15,676 --> 00:43:17,595 I remember this one time I was so fucked up, 802 00:43:17,678 --> 00:43:20,681 I go and I knock on the elevator door and nobody answers, 803 00:43:20,764 --> 00:43:22,516 -I took a shit in the hallway. -[laughing] 804 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:23,934 Yeah. Reasonable. 805 00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:25,352 [stutters] And the next morning, 806 00:43:25,436 --> 00:43:28,772 I wake up in bed next to Katie Buhrmaster's super hairy brother 807 00:43:28,856 --> 00:43:31,317 and I found out that I had sold him 808 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:35,112 my entire Beanie Baby collection for one bump. 809 00:43:35,863 --> 00:43:36,947 That doesn't sound so bad. 810 00:43:37,031 --> 00:43:39,491 I had Humphrey the Camel, okay? 811 00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:41,910 And Garcia the Tie-Dyed Bear. 812 00:43:41,994 --> 00:43:43,746 Also, I am gay. 813 00:43:45,456 --> 00:43:48,125 The next morning was the first time I tried to get sober. 814 00:43:48,959 --> 00:43:54,590 Last time I was sober was, God... 30 years ago. 815 00:43:55,966 --> 00:43:57,635 I was the good daughter. 816 00:43:58,552 --> 00:44:01,722 When I first got here, man, I had ethics. 817 00:44:01,805 --> 00:44:04,141 Strictly sell. 818 00:44:04,224 --> 00:44:08,562 I didn't even touch my own supply until that rat, Frieda, fucked everything up. 819 00:44:09,563 --> 00:44:13,484 I got added years. I could've been out by now. 820 00:44:13,567 --> 00:44:17,529 Not dodging assassination attempts by my own sister. 821 00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:21,241 [chuckles] Well, this place will bring out your dark side. 822 00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:23,661 Yeah. I learned that the last time I was here. 823 00:44:24,495 --> 00:44:25,412 You were here? 824 00:44:26,038 --> 00:44:30,167 Fuck. Maybe it really is time to get sober. 825 00:44:30,250 --> 00:44:33,545 There is too much going on around here that is getting by me. 826 00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:38,342 Eighth time's the charm. That's what I'm hoping. 827 00:44:39,635 --> 00:44:42,012 What's the point of being sober in here, huh? 828 00:44:42,096 --> 00:44:43,847 I mean, nobody wants to feel this. 829 00:44:44,848 --> 00:44:49,978 My guru, Jolene, says that I am resting up for my next life. 830 00:44:51,063 --> 00:44:52,940 Hopefully as an only child. 831 00:44:53,023 --> 00:44:58,112 I have found that it's a lot easier to just be present for your current life 832 00:44:58,195 --> 00:45:00,572 rather than constantly trying to score to shut it out. 833 00:45:01,281 --> 00:45:04,118 Like, uh, saying, there is no shutting it out. 834 00:45:04,201 --> 00:45:07,579 Also sometimes you gotta do some really ugly shit to score. 835 00:45:08,247 --> 00:45:10,958 Denning, you've been cleared for meds. 836 00:45:14,545 --> 00:45:15,587 Yeah, I don't need it. 837 00:45:19,007 --> 00:45:20,300 That was colossally bone-headed. 838 00:45:21,468 --> 00:45:24,012 You could've sold that shit. This is the seller's market. 839 00:45:24,096 --> 00:45:25,597 [chuckles] 840 00:45:26,140 --> 00:45:27,349 [Nicky clicks tongue] 841 00:45:31,854 --> 00:45:33,355 I brought your favorite. 842 00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:36,400 Simple, but classic. 843 00:45:37,651 --> 00:45:38,777 Here. 844 00:45:42,990 --> 00:45:44,199 They're my apology chips. 845 00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:47,035 My mom said no. 846 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,124 I tried, I swear. 847 00:45:52,207 --> 00:45:55,377 She picked right now to be this good, lawful person 848 00:45:55,461 --> 00:45:57,337 for the first time in her life. 849 00:45:59,756 --> 00:46:02,676 Maybe we could find somebody else. You got family or a brother? 850 00:46:02,759 --> 00:46:04,178 I got no one. 851 00:46:05,304 --> 00:46:07,264 Without product, I got nothing to offer in here, 852 00:46:07,347 --> 00:46:11,059 so it's best to walk away before you're a target by association. 853 00:46:11,143 --> 00:46:14,229 At camp, I heard that they trained a chicken to come through the fence. 854 00:46:14,313 --> 00:46:15,856 We don't go outside. 855 00:46:15,939 --> 00:46:20,152 No. But the girls were saying that they're gonna bring back kickball. 856 00:46:20,235 --> 00:46:21,612 Don't you get it? 857 00:46:21,695 --> 00:46:24,615 If there was a way to bring shit in, I would've thought of it. 858 00:46:24,698 --> 00:46:27,075 Sometimes you gotta say dumb ideas to get to a good one. 859 00:46:27,159 --> 00:46:28,952 You want drugs that bad? 860 00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,288 Are you that fucking desperate? 861 00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,082 It's not about the drugs. 862 00:46:40,380 --> 00:46:42,382 Are you gonna make me say it? 863 00:46:45,677 --> 00:46:47,721 You've been nice to me. 864 00:46:48,555 --> 00:46:49,681 [sighs] 865 00:46:52,267 --> 00:46:53,977 I don't wanna be alone. 866 00:46:54,811 --> 00:46:56,021 [sniffles] 867 00:47:23,757 --> 00:47:26,343 [both breathing heavily] 868 00:47:29,471 --> 00:47:30,472 Shit. 869 00:47:31,348 --> 00:47:33,267 [grunting] 870 00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:36,853 [sighs] 871 00:47:40,148 --> 00:47:41,441 [clears throat] 872 00:47:43,777 --> 00:47:46,905 Is it better if I say sorry or just not address it? 873 00:47:46,989 --> 00:47:50,826 Oh, it's cool. I came, like, a bunch of times, too. 874 00:47:51,743 --> 00:47:52,619 Really? 875 00:47:52,703 --> 00:47:55,163 No, stupid. That took, like, three seconds. 876 00:47:55,247 --> 00:47:56,456 Hmm. 877 00:47:58,083 --> 00:47:59,543 I made you breakfast. 878 00:48:04,631 --> 00:48:07,092 -It's a chocolate one, not spinach. -Oh. [chuckles] 879 00:48:07,676 --> 00:48:08,677 [slurps] 880 00:48:09,386 --> 00:48:10,345 Mmm! 881 00:48:10,429 --> 00:48:12,431 Maybe you could take a container to work. 882 00:48:12,514 --> 00:48:13,807 The other guards might like it. 883 00:48:13,890 --> 00:48:15,183 [sighs and sniffles] 884 00:48:15,267 --> 00:48:17,853 You know what? I bet the guys would go nuts for it. 885 00:48:17,936 --> 00:48:20,939 You know, you might even get, like, three new customers. 886 00:48:21,023 --> 00:48:23,400 Yeah. Great. Three. Hmm. 887 00:48:24,651 --> 00:48:26,153 I'll have my own place in no time. 888 00:48:26,236 --> 00:48:29,740 Hey, I told you, you can stay here as long as you need. 889 00:48:29,823 --> 00:48:30,657 [sighs] 890 00:48:30,741 --> 00:48:35,120 This ain't big enough for me and my kids. Plus, your grandmother lives here. 891 00:48:35,203 --> 00:48:36,830 Yeah, but she never comes out. 892 00:48:36,913 --> 00:48:38,165 [sighs] 893 00:48:42,044 --> 00:48:45,756 [chuckles] Listen, I'm gonna be back around 7:00. 894 00:48:45,839 --> 00:48:48,550 In case maybe you wanna make dinner. 895 00:48:48,634 --> 00:48:50,260 [stutters] Not in a blender. 896 00:48:50,344 --> 00:48:53,263 And nothing too spicy. That aggravates Nana's night reflux. 897 00:48:56,141 --> 00:48:58,810 Okay. [sniffles and sighs] 898 00:49:07,027 --> 00:49:08,153 [door closes] 899 00:49:08,236 --> 00:49:09,655 [sighs] 900 00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:14,201 [Spanish music playing over speakers] 901 00:49:26,129 --> 00:49:27,130 Again. 902 00:49:33,845 --> 00:49:36,598 [laughs] That was so good. 903 00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:42,020 Wow. You're in the groove. I think that was the best class yet. 904 00:49:42,104 --> 00:49:44,606 It was maybe top three. At most. 905 00:49:46,358 --> 00:49:47,442 [Gloria] Um... 906 00:49:48,652 --> 00:49:49,903 We gotta talk. 907 00:49:51,405 --> 00:49:52,781 I know. I'm sorry. 908 00:49:52,864 --> 00:49:55,742 I didn't know if it was better to apologize to you after the fact 909 00:49:55,826 --> 00:49:57,285 or pretend like it didn't happen. 910 00:49:57,369 --> 00:49:59,121 Uh, I wasn't talking about that. 911 00:50:00,038 --> 00:50:04,251 No? I mean, me, neither. [stutters] What are we talking about? 912 00:50:04,334 --> 00:50:05,293 [sighs] 913 00:50:06,086 --> 00:50:08,797 It's this gang shit. It's out of control. 914 00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,591 And no offense, but the COs are doing nothing 915 00:50:11,675 --> 00:50:13,343 and people are getting really hurt in here. 916 00:50:14,428 --> 00:50:16,263 I wouldn't say we're not doing nothing. 917 00:50:16,346 --> 00:50:19,558 I mean, we canceled mixed yard and put Swope in the SHU. 918 00:50:19,641 --> 00:50:23,562 That don't matter when C's attacking C. It's gone intra-block now. 919 00:50:24,980 --> 00:50:26,606 I will definitely look into that. 920 00:50:28,817 --> 00:50:31,611 And I will talk to the interim warden, 921 00:50:31,695 --> 00:50:35,198 even though I'm pretty sure she doesn't give a flying fuck. 922 00:50:35,907 --> 00:50:36,908 Well... 923 00:50:38,744 --> 00:50:39,745 you got charm. 924 00:50:41,830 --> 00:50:42,914 Use it. 925 00:50:50,422 --> 00:50:55,427 [sighs] You know, you're at least 15 years too old for him. 926 00:50:55,510 --> 00:50:57,512 I don't know what you're talking about. 927 00:50:57,596 --> 00:50:59,347 If you ever go into that class again, 928 00:50:59,431 --> 00:51:02,601 I'll have Shruti cut out your thyroid in your sleep. 929 00:51:04,186 --> 00:51:07,647 She was one test away from being an ENT surgeon. 930 00:51:08,607 --> 00:51:09,441 Feel me? 931 00:51:21,286 --> 00:51:22,454 You need all these books? 932 00:51:22,537 --> 00:51:24,873 I didn't know half the words those lawyers were saying. 933 00:51:24,956 --> 00:51:27,751 It was like a scene out of Boston Legal. 934 00:51:27,834 --> 00:51:30,337 And then this prosecutor lady was coming for me. 935 00:51:30,420 --> 00:51:35,383 She tried to paint me as some... revenge monster. 936 00:51:36,092 --> 00:51:38,595 Broken by the system, my ass. 937 00:51:39,346 --> 00:51:40,180 [sighs] 938 00:51:40,263 --> 00:51:42,307 You got good people on your side, too. 939 00:51:43,183 --> 00:51:45,602 You said your lawyer was hella smart. 940 00:51:46,853 --> 00:51:48,355 I don't know if that's enough. 941 00:51:50,190 --> 00:51:55,153 It was nice to hear all those things that Mr. Caputo was saying about me. 942 00:51:55,237 --> 00:51:58,615 After all that him and I had been through, 943 00:51:58,698 --> 00:52:02,786 for him to step up like that, man... 944 00:52:04,246 --> 00:52:06,706 [sighs] He's a good egg. 945 00:52:08,834 --> 00:52:11,920 -[groans] -Hey! Are you okay? 946 00:52:12,003 --> 00:52:13,338 [breathing heavily] 947 00:52:21,930 --> 00:52:23,598 I gotta tell you something. 948 00:52:26,601 --> 00:52:28,061 It's real bad, T. 949 00:52:28,144 --> 00:52:30,480 Come on, now. You know you can tell me. 950 00:52:30,564 --> 00:52:32,315 [breathing heavily] 951 00:52:34,359 --> 00:52:35,193 I... 952 00:52:42,450 --> 00:52:43,660 [cries] 953 00:52:45,579 --> 00:52:46,830 [Black Cindy sighs] 954 00:52:49,583 --> 00:52:50,917 I got a daughter. 955 00:52:52,168 --> 00:52:54,004 -Oh. -[cries] 956 00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:58,091 [sighs] Look, that's cool. 957 00:52:59,050 --> 00:53:00,594 I mean, how old is she? 958 00:53:03,889 --> 00:53:05,223 Thirteen. 959 00:53:07,601 --> 00:53:09,686 She doesn't even know she's my kid. 960 00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:12,230 She thinks she's my sister. 961 00:53:13,315 --> 00:53:15,984 Look, that happens. All right? 962 00:53:16,067 --> 00:53:19,279 Some people think that Solange is Beyoncé's daughter. 963 00:53:19,362 --> 00:53:21,615 I didn't even tell the dad, neither. 964 00:53:24,826 --> 00:53:26,953 Instead, I lied to protect myself. 965 00:53:29,831 --> 00:53:34,336 He out there walking around, no clue what could hit him. 966 00:53:37,339 --> 00:53:40,091 I'm in here pretending like it didn't even happen. 967 00:53:40,759 --> 00:53:44,054 Going on in life like... like... 968 00:53:45,472 --> 00:53:46,681 Like nothing. 969 00:53:50,977 --> 00:53:53,313 I'm sorry, T. I'm sorry I lied to you. 970 00:53:53,396 --> 00:53:56,024 [inhales sharply] I'm not a good person. 971 00:53:56,107 --> 00:53:57,067 No. 972 00:53:57,150 --> 00:54:00,070 -I'm not a good person. -I know you. All right? 973 00:54:00,153 --> 00:54:04,074 There is so much good in you. You had your reasons. 974 00:54:05,825 --> 00:54:07,661 I'm not a good person, T. 975 00:54:09,287 --> 00:54:12,582 No. All right? No. No. 976 00:54:13,625 --> 00:54:16,252 You are a good egg, too. 977 00:54:16,336 --> 00:54:18,338 [crying] I'm not a good person, T. 978 00:54:20,924 --> 00:54:23,051 -[pounding at door] -[exhales] 979 00:54:24,970 --> 00:54:26,054 [scoffs] What do you want? 980 00:54:26,137 --> 00:54:28,515 If you'd answer your fucking phone, I would tell you. 981 00:54:28,598 --> 00:54:32,143 I can't fucking find it. It's probably in a box with my towels. 982 00:54:32,227 --> 00:54:35,605 I'm moving, remember? You banished me to Missouri. 983 00:54:35,689 --> 00:54:37,983 [scoffs] I should've banished you from opening your mouth, 984 00:54:38,066 --> 00:54:39,734 I didn't think I needed to tape that shut. 985 00:54:39,818 --> 00:54:41,152 What are you talking about? 986 00:54:41,236 --> 00:54:44,155 I am talking about being a good employee, Joe! 987 00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:45,365 Toeing the company line 988 00:54:45,448 --> 00:54:47,742 and not fucking the people who pay your checks. 989 00:54:47,826 --> 00:54:51,204 How is taking a bottom-feeding job not toeing the company line? 990 00:54:51,287 --> 00:54:53,623 Jack Pearson personally called me to ask me 991 00:54:53,707 --> 00:54:58,503 why you were on the defense witness list for Tasha Jefferson. 992 00:54:58,586 --> 00:55:02,382 You are making me look like a fucking idiot for not firing you. 993 00:55:02,465 --> 00:55:03,675 Are you trying to get me fired? 994 00:55:05,343 --> 00:55:07,887 Linda, it's not about you. 995 00:55:09,222 --> 00:55:11,307 I am trying to do the right thing by that girl. 996 00:55:11,391 --> 00:55:14,394 Well, this isn't about the right thing, Joe. 997 00:55:14,477 --> 00:55:17,480 And stop acting like you're above all this. 998 00:55:17,564 --> 00:55:22,944 Stop acting like you can just do... whatever you want without consequences. 999 00:55:23,862 --> 00:55:26,656 MCC's dirt is your dirt. 1000 00:55:27,449 --> 00:55:28,575 You're MCC. 1001 00:55:31,119 --> 00:55:32,120 Yeah. 1002 00:55:34,873 --> 00:55:36,666 No. Not anymore. 1003 00:55:37,667 --> 00:55:39,085 I quit. 1004 00:55:39,169 --> 00:55:40,170 [scoffs] 1005 00:55:44,299 --> 00:55:45,341 [exhales] 1006 00:55:45,925 --> 00:55:47,135 [indistinct chatter] 1007 00:55:48,303 --> 00:55:50,430 -[Alex laughs] -Oh, that's right. 1008 00:55:53,266 --> 00:55:55,143 Oh, no, I didn't order this. 1009 00:55:55,226 --> 00:55:57,228 Open the book, JonBenét. 1010 00:56:03,610 --> 00:56:04,652 [gasps and laughs] 1011 00:56:06,196 --> 00:56:08,364 Yes! Yay! [laughs] 1012 00:56:10,533 --> 00:56:12,035 Look who got kickball going. 1013 00:56:12,118 --> 00:56:13,828 There must've been divine intervention. 1014 00:56:13,912 --> 00:56:16,748 Your D-Block friend got all the church ladies to sign up. 1015 00:56:16,831 --> 00:56:18,541 I told you God is real. 1016 00:56:19,292 --> 00:56:20,543 Like in that movie they made 1017 00:56:20,627 --> 00:56:23,046 based on the kid's memoir that turned out to be a hoax. 1018 00:56:23,129 --> 00:56:24,339 [sighs] 1019 00:56:24,422 --> 00:56:27,509 I feel like I should warn you that I am not a graceful loser. 1020 00:56:32,931 --> 00:56:35,725 [scoffs] You didn't get kickball. You got D-Block kickball. 1021 00:56:35,809 --> 00:56:37,769 I just offered it to anybody who wanted to play. 1022 00:56:37,852 --> 00:56:39,354 You said I could ask the other girls. 1023 00:56:40,688 --> 00:56:43,817 If Barb's bitches are playing, we gotta have our own team. 1024 00:56:43,900 --> 00:56:47,487 Akers, Creech, Chambal, both Amys, you're joining kickball. 1025 00:56:47,570 --> 00:56:49,114 -Yeah, I call pitcher. -Damn it! 1026 00:56:49,197 --> 00:56:50,365 Can we change it to dodgeball? 1027 00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:53,743 Badison, you're in charge. 1028 00:56:53,827 --> 00:56:56,913 We can call it Badison News Bears. [laughs] 1029 00:56:56,996 --> 00:56:57,872 That's stupid. 1030 00:56:57,956 --> 00:56:58,998 Oh. 1031 00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:03,461 Great. 1032 00:57:03,545 --> 00:57:06,214 Diamond! Yo, you can be base coach. 1033 00:57:06,297 --> 00:57:07,590 For real? 1034 00:57:11,177 --> 00:57:13,930 -[indistinct chatter] -[imitates airplane roaring] 1035 00:57:38,663 --> 00:57:39,998 [inhales deeply] 1036 00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:42,709 If we're gonna do this, 1037 00:57:43,668 --> 00:57:45,462 we gotta be smarter this time. 1038 00:57:45,545 --> 00:57:48,006 ["The Lion Sleeps Tonight" playing] 1039 00:57:53,178 --> 00:57:57,015 ♪ Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh ♪ 1040 00:57:57,098 --> 00:57:59,976 ♪ Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh ♪ 1041 00:58:00,059 --> 00:58:06,941 ♪ In the jungle, the mighty jungle The lion sleeps tonight ♪ 1042 00:58:08,067 --> 00:58:15,033 ♪ In the jungle, the quiet jungle The lion sleeps tonight ♪ 1043 00:58:15,909 --> 00:58:19,621 ♪ Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh ♪ 1044 00:58:19,704 --> 00:58:23,625 ♪ Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh ♪ 1045 00:58:23,708 --> 00:58:27,587 ♪ Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh ♪ 1046 00:58:27,670 --> 00:58:31,549 ♪ Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh ♪ 1047 00:58:31,633 --> 00:58:38,598 ♪ Near the village, the peaceful village The lion sleeps tonight ♪ 1048 00:58:39,349 --> 00:58:46,314 ♪ Near the village, the quiet village The lion sleeps tonight ♪ 1049 00:58:47,190 --> 00:58:51,027 ♪ Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh ♪ 1050 00:58:51,110 --> 00:58:54,948 ♪ Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh ♪ 1051 00:58:55,031 --> 00:58:58,826 ♪ Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh ♪ 1052 00:58:58,910 --> 00:59:02,872 ♪ Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh ♪ 1053 00:59:02,956 --> 00:59:04,707 [vocalizing]