1 00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:07,924 [cell door slams] 2 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,051 [theme song playing] 3 00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:58,850 [cell door slams] 4 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:16,951 [cell door slams] 5 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,790 [vocalizing] 6 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:25,043 I'm DIY Fly Flaca. 7 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:28,046 And this your girl, T-T-Tova. 8 00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:29,798 And together we bringin' you... 9 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,967 [both] ♪ Flava to the Max ♪ 10 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:36,262 Reinventin' prison radio, one show at a time. 11 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,597 For us, by us. 12 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:41,059 With peace, love and beauty tips. 13 00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:45,271 Speakin' of the peace and love, I ain't seein' a whole lot of it lately... 14 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,065 -Mmm-mmm. -...DIY Fly Flaca. 15 00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:51,319 -Feelin' all kinds of bad juju up in here. -Mmm-hmm. 16 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,738 You know, girls leavin' dookie on the laundry, 17 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,282 -cloggin' up the drains. -Gross. Nasty! 18 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:59,452 -Drink spikin' with laxatives. -[scoffs] Mmm-mmm. 19 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:03,915 Oh. Oh. And all these newfound painful uses for hot sauce. 20 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:04,999 Ouch! 21 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,335 -And over what? -What? 22 00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:08,545 Some stanky cheese? 23 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,965 Oh, my God, guys, dairy is not good for you. 24 00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:15,009 From what I've seen, cheese withdrawals make you sweat through your shirt... 25 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,679 -Mmm. Mmm! -...scratch your arms and not sleep. 26 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:20,515 -Mmm-mmm. -Plus, all those hormones in milk now. 27 00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:23,393 You notice all these ladies growing beards up in here? 28 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:26,187 So, bottom line, avoid dairy. 29 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:30,066 -Your chin and booty will thank you later. -The chin hair is real, y'all. 30 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,319 And don't be pissin', hittin' and sh... 31 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:36,072 doo-dooin' on each other no more. 32 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,867 Right? Let's keep it low-key lit. 33 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:41,828 What the... fudge does that mean? 34 00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:45,039 Lit, but not too lit to get in trouble. You know? 35 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,958 Lit is the fuckin' opposite of low-key. 36 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:48,418 [Luscheck smacks table] Hey! 37 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:49,752 No cursing! 38 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:53,214 You don't wanna see what happens when you make me open my eyes this early. 39 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:58,803 [Flaca] Next topic: Plucking till you got sperm eyebrows. 40 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:01,264 A no-no? Or a yes-yes? 41 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:03,349 [inhales deeply] Yes! 42 00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:05,101 Idiots. 43 00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:09,314 My super-powered pregnant nose still smells doody in here. 44 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:13,401 My regular nose smells it, too. It's like the stench lives in my nose hairs. 45 00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:18,197 We gotta get those fucking C-Block cumbuckets to pay for this now. 46 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:21,659 I got it. I got it. 47 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,120 We sharpen a toothbrush, stick it in a book, 48 00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:27,415 then shove it into the library cart bitch, Deitland, when she comes collecting. 49 00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:30,209 No, no, no. She's much too small potato fries. 50 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:33,588 That's like stabbing the castle janitor when you hate the king. 51 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:37,217 We should at least be stabbing a knight or a lady-in-waiting. 52 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,510 The way I see it, we go after Creech. 53 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:42,222 We just gotta get through Shruti Chambal first. 54 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:45,558 Now, I have some ground-up rat poops that I've been saving-- 55 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,852 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 56 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,896 Time out, okay? 57 00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:53,650 Listen, you're diving into the gang thing here with both feet. 58 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,278 Which, on one hand, is a sign of loyalty. And, I mean, that is admirable. 59 00:03:57,362 --> 00:04:01,950 But, on the other hand, it's gonna lead to this West Side Story fantasy of yours 60 00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:05,495 becoming a reality. Except, instead of being Maria, 61 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:10,083 you're gonna wind up Tony or Riff or Bernardo. 62 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,252 I don't wanna be any of those Puerto Ricans. 63 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,087 It's just my mama bear instincts 64 00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:18,049 are raging to protect little Julius or Augustine... 65 00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:20,593 I'm still workshopping the names. 66 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,513 Weren't those the rat names? 67 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:25,181 Never forget. 68 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,351 Hey, Daddy. Daddy, kooky cookie over there, 69 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,561 she's got a plan to get back at Cock-Block. 70 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:32,021 Hey, preggo, come here. 71 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:37,986 Look, I don't need to hear plans because I got a huge plan in the works. 72 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:39,904 We're gonna fuck 'em up, get our drugs back. 73 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,907 I'm smoothing out the final deets, but you'll be in on it soon. 74 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,409 Can't we help it go faster? 75 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:48,329 Trust me. I'm very happy with it and you'll be very happy with it. 76 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:55,169 Hey, you got somethin' for your special girl? 77 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,754 [Daddy sighs] 78 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,798 I always got somethin' special for you, girl. 79 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,425 This ain't what I mean. 80 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,637 I've got something I'm moving on. You'll have your other candy soon, baby. 81 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:09,475 Please? This ain't no junkie shit. I'm in a lot of pain. 82 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:13,313 You're lucky you're so damn fine. Wait here. 83 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:26,701 Only one? 84 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:31,122 Right now I know girls in here who'd chop your hand off to get what's in it. 85 00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:35,710 Came from Barb's personal stash. Don't be ungrateful. 86 00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:47,430 -What the fuck?! -Hey, hey! Hey! 87 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,682 Sit the fuck down. 88 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,809 Get the fuck out of here. 89 00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,197 Hey, Hellman, you got a sec? 90 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,617 Tell your girls to knock it off before I start shipping them to the SHU. 91 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:08,993 We're bored. 92 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:12,371 It's like that kid show, Thomas the Tank Engine. 93 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,083 We all wanna be useful engines, right? 94 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,793 You guys gotta find jobs for us. 95 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,795 Your job is not my job. 96 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,422 Funny you should mention that. 97 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:25,551 Have you done your job of finding us a new pipeline? 98 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:28,596 That'd keep a lot of these girls out of your hair. 99 00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:31,349 Or scalp, in your case. 100 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:34,769 Shit came in today via breakfast burrito. 101 00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:38,606 And after I made the drop, my chorizo and egg tasted like plastic wrap. 102 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:41,192 So, fuck you. You're welcome. 103 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:43,736 Today? I just checked the spot. 104 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:47,073 I didn't leave it there. I gave it to Carol. 105 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:49,575 Carol? 106 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,079 She told me to deal with her direct from now on. 107 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,588 Step off. This is a closed game. 108 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:07,510 [chuckles] Carol, tell your goon that we need to speak in private. 109 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:10,012 Teng, sit. Your turn to switch in. 110 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,437 Oh, I see how it is. 111 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,106 [chuckles] I'm the fall girl 112 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:22,525 -but I didn't do nothin'-- -[Carol] Exactly. 113 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:27,613 You did nothin' to keep those D-Block half-wits from sabotaging our jobs. 114 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,657 You've done nothing since. 115 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,868 We should all be ass-deep in commissary candy, 116 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,412 not penny-pinching for deodorant. 117 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:39,083 Listen, I got big ideas to make Douche-Block pay, like you said. 118 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,961 Mad plots. But I'm being strategical-- 119 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,129 Shut it. 120 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:48,342 No matter what you do, you're a joke to Barb and her dipshits now. 121 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,510 A bad joke. 122 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,891 [man] And so, my friends, when you turn on your burners, 123 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:58,769 listen for the hissin' snake sound of the gas escapin'... 124 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,104 Hiss... 125 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:04,442 and wield your lighters carefully over the gas-air mixture, 126 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:06,235 and voilà! 127 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,279 Voilà! 128 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,491 If you need more gas, Mr. Sprang, you could use Fartison. 129 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,493 [all laugh] 130 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,244 Come on. Give us a wicked one, Fartison. 131 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,997 Christ, it was one little fart in the fourth grade. 132 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,708 For the love of Pete! Everybody, let it go already! 133 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:24,712 What? Carolina queefed the other day and nobody's calling her "Queefolina." 134 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,172 [laughs] 135 00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:27,423 We will now. 136 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:31,219 Better watch what you call my friend, Luke, or we'll start callin' ya Luke, 137 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:34,138 -whose mother is fuckin' a garbage man. -[Luke] Fuck you. 138 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:37,433 Sanitation is a good government job. Besides, it doesn't even rhyme. 139 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,977 All right, all right. We've had our fun. 140 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:43,314 -Fartis-- Uh. Madison. -[all laughing] 141 00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:46,567 Madison, come up here and be my assistant. 142 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:47,944 [Luke makes fart sound] 143 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,196 -All right. -[all imitating farting] 144 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:51,948 All right. 145 00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:58,746 [students giggling] 146 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,582 [screams] 147 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,710 Open the door, or you're grounded for three more months. 148 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:08,130 [Badison] Like I got any fuckin' place to go. Fuck you! 149 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,675 What the fuck's the matter with you? 150 00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:15,012 We can't keep leaving work every time you feel like acting like a goddamn baby! 151 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:18,391 -You like eatin' and livin' in a house? -Clearly she likes eatin'. 152 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:23,062 The school's expellin' ya this time. And over what? Name-callin'? 153 00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:24,313 How fuckin' dumb are you? 154 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,358 -Fuck that fuckin' place! -You know what? It's our fault. 155 00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:29,485 We should've disciplined her like her brothers. 156 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,820 Now she's a fuckin' monster! 157 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,322 You touch me with that, I'll throw you out the fuckin' window! 158 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,242 The window you broke two days ago with your last baby tantrum? 159 00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:37,994 I am not a baby! 160 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,412 [grunts] 161 00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:44,125 Christ, Madison! What did we do to you that was so bad? Jesus! 162 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:47,753 [sighs] 163 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,880 This is garbage. 164 00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:53,050 We should do something better with our lives while we're here. 165 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,680 Hmm. You have fun with that. 166 00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,516 I'm gonna take this "When Will You Peak?" quiz. 167 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,021 You'd have a frappuccino over a cappuccino? 168 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,023 What happened to doing better with your life? 169 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,983 It might be practical to know when I'll peak. 170 00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,818 I've always done very well with a deadline. 171 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,570 Okay, these are my first five answers: 172 00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:13,696 C. 173 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:15,615 C. 174 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,199 B. 175 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,286 Uh, D. 176 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,495 A. 177 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,080 Okay. 178 00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:28,836 "How would you best describe your ships, relation-, friend-? 179 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:30,963 A, super awesome. 180 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,798 B, sorta awesome. 181 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,051 C, less awesome. 182 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,178 D, I'm on a ship alone." 183 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,431 Well, I've only got you, but I'm not alone, so A. 184 00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,224 Super awesome. 185 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:47,396 I have an ex-fiancé who ran off with my best friend. 186 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,984 -My parents mildly tolerate me. -[sighs] 187 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,653 C, less awesome. 188 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,864 "How do you describe your performance in your career?" 189 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,951 Does the soap business count? 190 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:03,371 It doesn't matter either way. That's completely over. 191 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:08,751 Well, I was but a simple mule who climbed the ranks to become a top trafficker 192 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,670 in a transnational criminal organization. 193 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:16,509 Plus, I got the girl. So I think that means A, nailed it. [chuckles softly] 194 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,262 -All right, final question. -Mmm-hmm. 195 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,765 "Do you feel like a winner or a loser?" 196 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,478 I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "loser" for you now, 197 00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:29,605 meaning "loser" for me later, 198 00:11:29,688 --> 00:11:32,775 when we're discussing and analyzing this quiz ad nauseam. 199 00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:38,030 All right, according to this... you are peaking right now. 200 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:41,784 What? How? 201 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,537 I've failed at absolutely everything, especially prison. 202 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,580 Not only have I not been reformed by prison, 203 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:50,751 I think I've actually made prison worse. We are now in a worse prison. 204 00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:53,629 So, now is your time to course correct. 205 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:58,300 -I could write a memoir. -[chuckles softly] 206 00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:02,513 A cautionary tale. Share my experience. 207 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:05,015 Expose the system. 208 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,893 I could get a publishing deal. 209 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:12,398 -What's it say? -I've peaked already. 210 00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:16,777 I'm on the other side of the hill, going down. Fuck. 211 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,070 [Piper] Ugh. 212 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,747 -[exclaiming in Spanish] -[shushing] 213 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:32,918 I've been thinking about your near-death by commode. 214 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:37,715 Now, tell me. Do you have any beef with the Chinese? 215 00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:41,719 No, wait. That's too sloppy for the MSS. 216 00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:45,514 -This just doesn't make any sense. -You think I tried to kill myself, too? 217 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:49,477 Look, I'm telling you. It was someone or something else. 218 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,188 [shushes] Do you want to go back in the suicide chair? 219 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:56,150 No. No, I can't. I can't go back in that thing. 220 00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:59,320 I gotta get out of Psych before they make me commit suicide for real. 221 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:04,116 Now, tell me. Is there somebody or something 222 00:13:04,783 --> 00:13:10,539 that wants to know what you... know. By the way, the manticores are back. 223 00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:14,418 [sighs] Or, wait... 224 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:19,256 What if someone or something is trying to silence you 225 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:24,011 about something that you know, but that you don't know that you know? 226 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:27,097 I don't know nothing. Okay? 227 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:32,269 But I do know people have reason to want to kill me, though. 228 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,563 Like, um... 229 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:39,318 Gloria, that sneaky bitch Gloria, and that snitch bitch Blanca, 230 00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:41,612 that white bitch Chapman, that guard bitch McCullough. 231 00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:46,283 And that pussy bitch Luschek, the guard hostages bitches and bitches from camp. 232 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:51,872 And that girl... guy... Whatever, Daddy bitch and all her D-Block bitches. 233 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:55,626 -Oh! So, we're looking for a bitch! -Yes. 234 00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:03,342 [sighs] No, I... It's not about that. 235 00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:06,554 Okay, look. 236 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:11,392 I was face down in that toilet water, and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't scream. 237 00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:15,145 And I thought, like, "This is really the end." You know, right? 238 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:20,484 And then I just stopped fighting, and, all of a sudden, I felt... 239 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:23,821 like... at peace. 240 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:27,533 Why peace, when I'm about to die? 241 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:28,701 Ruiz! 242 00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:31,620 I'm not goin' back in that chair. I didn't do nothing. 243 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:32,621 Right on! 244 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,373 Time for your psych evaluation. 245 00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:37,543 Do not tell her about the manticores. 246 00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:38,711 Do not. 247 00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:41,463 And I may or may not be going on a very special mission 248 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,216 that may or may not involve the Basque separatist movement. 249 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:48,512 So, if I do not get to see you before then, goodbye! Bye! 250 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,889 [door closes] 251 00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,183 [shower running] 252 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,768 [grunts] 253 00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:57,021 -Fuck. -Son of a bitch. 254 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,190 [sighs] 255 00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:06,697 Gimme. 256 00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,117 In no way do I condone brushing your teeth in the shower, 257 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,578 but I'm doing this so that you help a fellow cripple out. 258 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,460 Just across this and... 259 00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:24,006 Why the fuck can't I brush my teeth in the shower? 260 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,635 There should be a separation between church and state, 261 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,804 so your spit doesn't get in my sandal the next time I step in. 262 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,264 Spit's cleaner than piss. 263 00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:36,810 Actually, it's the other way around, but don't do that in here either. 264 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:49,323 You, uh... You bleach someone to death over at Mighty Maids? 265 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:52,451 -That what you're in for? -You got me. 266 00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:56,538 I have a passion for cleanliness, and I will kill to achieve it. 267 00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,208 Nah, you're too smart for that. 268 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,961 You were on top of something big, 269 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:06,465 calling those shots. I can tell. [spits] 270 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:09,259 Yeah, well, maybe. 271 00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:14,056 But I've peaked, and my glory days are in the rearview. 272 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:18,060 I'm like one of those goddamn gypsy psychics. 273 00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:22,398 Should get me a hotline and go on TV. Thinkin' of switchin' my shit up again. 274 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,565 [both chuckle] 275 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:27,444 Yeah. Maybe this time, I'll change my name to Radison. 276 00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:30,906 Well, that's a hotel chain. So, you might want to rethink that one. 277 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,450 You're good. Real good. 278 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:39,665 Okay, okay. Hey, hey. So, uh, here's a question. 279 00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:44,086 You have the energy and ambition of a younger you, 280 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:47,965 you're looking to find a new pipeline in, 281 00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:51,010 which of your cookie camp guards would you corrupt? 282 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:54,054 I don't think that way anymore. 283 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:57,516 Oh, I get it. You're out to pasture. 284 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:02,312 Never mind. You've probably lost your eye anyway. 285 00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:06,233 [scoffs] Luschek. 286 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:10,279 He's completely spineless and morally bankrupt, but... never mind. 287 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,990 Whoa! Don't get shy now. 288 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:15,617 What? You gonna make me do something X-rated? 289 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:18,078 I can get real kinky. Look... 290 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,415 All right. Stop. Just stop. Stop. Listen. 291 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:25,669 Why are you even messing with drugs? This place is a fucking wasteland. 292 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,963 There's so much stuff that people want. 293 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,841 The more scarce something is, the more profitable. 294 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:35,387 Last night, my bunkie was literally praying for a plate of pasta carbonara. 295 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:40,434 Vause, you're a fuckin' genius. 296 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,271 -[counselor] Get down. -[panting] 297 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,525 No breaks. 298 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:52,446 All the way down, or I'll push you down. 299 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:56,283 [counselor] Rest when you're done. Let's go. 300 00:17:56,366 --> 00:18:00,579 [Nardi] When we tell you to do something, zero seconds before you do it. 301 00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:05,125 No hesitation. No questions asked. You will learn to obey. 302 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,212 Because the world out there will not tolerate 303 00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:12,716 your good-for-nothing, hormonal, teenage insubordination. 304 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,510 Yes, sir, Hitler, sir. 305 00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:15,677 [all laugh] 306 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:18,388 You're now digging our waste pit. 307 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,182 [all grunting and panting] 308 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,268 [counselor] No, no, no. 309 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,398 They're not even fucking looking. I'm gonna stop. 310 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:29,441 [panting] 311 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:32,486 I like your style. What's your deal? 312 00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:36,031 I got caught fucking my mom's boyfriend, Steve. 313 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,533 She went nuts. 314 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:39,159 Huge fight where I may 315 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:42,329 or may not have stabbed her in the stomach with a fish knife. 316 00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:45,290 -I'm Duray. [sniffs] -I'm Patty. 317 00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:47,501 What did you do, Pretty Patty? 318 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,753 I was leasing my pussy out for blow. 319 00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,339 Your turn. 320 00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,844 Oh. [chuckles nervously] Uh... 321 00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:58,595 I'm Madison Murphy. 322 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:02,724 -But my friends call me Badison. -[all laugh] 323 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,853 They don't call you that. That's too "Sadison." 324 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:07,396 They do, too. 325 00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:11,316 And I did some fucked-up shit. You should be fuckin' scared of me. 326 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,234 [grunts] 327 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,281 The only one you could scare around here is Roach. 328 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:18,866 Boo! [chuckles] 329 00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:27,040 "You are a bad beep mother beep. Beep. 330 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,501 If I had beep been there, 331 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:33,172 I would have beep, beep, beep, beep, beep." 332 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:37,801 Dang. Is there one full sentence that the guards did not black out? 333 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,429 -Right here. -"Black Lives Matter." 334 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:41,889 I'll take it. 335 00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:46,518 Damn, man, I wish Poussey could see all this love. 336 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,354 [giggles] 337 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:55,569 "Injustice on the highest level won't be silenced into our labels. 338 00:19:57,654 --> 00:20:01,158 Another sister added to the bodies. 339 00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:04,578 Never gonna stop the Litchfield ladies--" 340 00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:09,041 Okay, now, Suzanne would hate all of these slant rhymes. 341 00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:13,003 Yeah, but the first letter of each line spells out 342 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:17,966 -"I wanna lick yo' pussy." -Oh, my God! 343 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:22,054 Actually, she'd love this, and she would probably frame it. 344 00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:26,099 -Yeah. -Damn! Man, I miss her. 345 00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:28,435 We should try to see her. 346 00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:31,855 Yeah, well, don't see her tryin' to find us. 347 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:34,233 Maybe she don't know how? 348 00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:38,528 How about we invite her to yard time? 349 00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:42,950 And you could tell her tomorrow on your radio show. 350 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,285 Uh... 351 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:50,332 What Flaca and I do is like... [exhales deeply] 352 00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,669 jazz, okay? 353 00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:58,507 We riff. Pre-planned announcement might fuck up the flow. You feel me? 354 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:02,803 Bitch, you are barely finding your way on that show. 355 00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:05,389 Okay, look, all I'm sayin' is... 356 00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:08,850 When we in the flow, can't guarantee a message gonna come up. 357 00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,561 Look, she's our girl, Cindy. 358 00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:14,773 These letters are telling us to look out for our own. 359 00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:16,275 I'll try. 360 00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:19,820 But that Flaca chic, she crazy with her veto power. 361 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,698 Doc, I gotta get out of Psych. 362 00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:26,118 I'm not like these locas out there. 363 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:30,622 This place should be punishing the person that tried to kill me. I was attacked. 364 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:34,293 There's no evidence that anyone else was in there with you. 365 00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:36,837 So you think I pushed my own head into the toilet? 366 00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:41,967 If I was gonna kill myself, I sure as fuck wouldn't do it in people's turd water. 367 00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:46,096 But I didn't try to kill myself. 368 00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:48,807 Prison rules stipulate that I can't release you 369 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,976 until I'm convinced you're not gonna try it again. 370 00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:52,519 Again? But... 371 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:57,024 Okay, fine. Here it is. 372 00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:02,487 I got all screwed up because of the extra time that I got. 373 00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:05,157 Ten years. I mean... 374 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,243 That would be enough to upset anyone, right? 375 00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:13,540 But that was in the moment, and now I see that 376 00:22:13,623 --> 00:22:16,126 hurting myself is not the way out, okay? 377 00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:19,504 I can't tell if you're being sincere 378 00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:22,549 or you're simply just trying to say what you think I want to hear. 379 00:22:22,632 --> 00:22:24,176 Know what? I can see you next week. 380 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:27,596 No, Doc. Look... 381 00:22:29,347 --> 00:22:34,227 I got a baby, a baby girl, and I need to live for her. 382 00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:36,396 I don't want her growing up without a mommy. 383 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,440 I wouldn't do that to her. For real. 384 00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:41,401 And I may be a criminal and a piece of shit and all that, 385 00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:42,944 but I love my baby. 386 00:22:44,112 --> 00:22:49,034 I stay alive for my baby, and that ain't gonna change. 387 00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:53,914 Okay, fine. I'm releasing you. 388 00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:56,249 I'll prescribe Paxil to help with the transition. 389 00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:59,920 Thank you, Doc. I promise you won't need to see me again. 390 00:23:00,003 --> 00:23:01,755 -Okay, get on your way. -Thank you. 391 00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:04,091 Thank you. Thank you. 392 00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:07,803 I know you didn't try to commit suicide. 393 00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:09,471 What'd you say? 394 00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:14,184 That incident you were talking about? That sounded like a baptism to me. 395 00:23:19,314 --> 00:23:22,275 Suddenly, everyone has an opinion about what happened to me. 396 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:27,405 Suicide. Manticore. And now you think God's the one who dunked me in the toilet? 397 00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:29,658 The Lord works in mysterious ways. 398 00:23:30,450 --> 00:23:31,451 Jesus! 399 00:23:32,661 --> 00:23:33,995 His only begotten son. 400 00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:39,626 What are the dimensions of these cells? 401 00:23:39,709 --> 00:23:42,546 Uh, small by even smaller? 402 00:23:43,171 --> 00:23:46,174 So is there any way we could fit four in each of them? 403 00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:47,175 [knock at door] 404 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,760 Hey, Boo's bitch. 405 00:23:50,762 --> 00:23:52,973 -Shall we head to the next block? -[Pennsatucky] No, no! 406 00:23:53,056 --> 00:23:55,392 I see you seein' me, Von Barlow. 407 00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:58,270 Except, why are you out there and I'm in here? 408 00:23:58,854 --> 00:24:00,438 Hey, quiet down, inmate. 409 00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:02,732 I am so sorry. 410 00:24:02,816 --> 00:24:04,609 They get like this sometimes. 411 00:24:05,193 --> 00:24:08,155 [Pennsatucky] Is this because I hit you? 'Cause I was having a bad day. 412 00:24:08,238 --> 00:24:13,076 It does happen. So, like, I'm sorry! Come on! Don't be a bitch! 413 00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:15,120 Do you know her? 414 00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:17,330 Can you get me a tape measure? 415 00:24:17,414 --> 00:24:20,584 -I'd do it myself, but I'm wearing heels. -Got it. 416 00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:24,129 You've internalized the oppression of women's fashion. 417 00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:27,215 You may own those shoes, but they're in charge. 418 00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:31,261 Think about it. I'll be back in a jiff. 419 00:24:35,473 --> 00:24:38,185 So, what's up, pretty skirt lady? 420 00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:41,688 Is it some kind of a training program here at Max? 421 00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:45,942 They turn out inmates into escorts? I mean, I don't care. Look, I don't care. 422 00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:50,238 I just kinda want in on it. Anything to get the fuck out of this box. 423 00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:54,701 -You think that I look like a prostitute? -A whore, all right? 424 00:24:54,784 --> 00:24:58,288 But then we get into some tomato-potato territory, 425 00:24:58,371 --> 00:24:59,956 eh, and they both rhyme to me. 426 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,459 Just take me with you. Come on. 427 00:25:03,251 --> 00:25:04,669 [Linda clears throat] 428 00:25:05,712 --> 00:25:07,714 So, funny thing... 429 00:25:07,797 --> 00:25:09,799 I've actually worked for MCC this whole time. 430 00:25:09,883 --> 00:25:14,471 You mean, like, some under the covers 21 Jump Street? 431 00:25:14,554 --> 00:25:16,973 No. No, I just... I got caught up in there. 432 00:25:17,057 --> 00:25:20,852 [scoffs] Yeah, you did, you sly dog. 433 00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:24,814 You got caught up in between a pair of pasty, fluffy thighs. 434 00:25:24,898 --> 00:25:29,861 I don't know a more clever way to say, but you ate out Boo and she ate you, too. 435 00:25:29,945 --> 00:25:32,155 -Now, there's a rhyme for ya. -[shushes] 436 00:25:36,034 --> 00:25:40,080 Um, technically, she ate and my turn was more manual, 437 00:25:40,163 --> 00:25:43,166 but regardless, we don't need to mention that to anyone. 438 00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:47,087 I hear ya. And I don't normally get into the subtle types of things, 439 00:25:47,170 --> 00:25:50,298 but, man, that's a funny one. And the thing is... 440 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:53,385 I don't know how I'm not gonna be able to say anything, 441 00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:56,638 unless if you have a magic key to keep my mouth shut. 442 00:26:02,727 --> 00:26:04,854 I'd like to take a whack at that VCR. 443 00:26:04,938 --> 00:26:07,274 I'd feel better if I could take a whack out of Luschek. 444 00:26:07,357 --> 00:26:11,278 [scoffs] Nobody's ever taken a whack at Luschek, except Luschek. 445 00:26:11,361 --> 00:26:12,237 [Gloria chuckles] 446 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:13,697 [blowing sharply] 447 00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:15,573 Uh, this is a joke. 448 00:26:15,657 --> 00:26:20,078 Watching you beat up a beat-up VCR does not count as exercise. 449 00:26:20,161 --> 00:26:23,248 -We deserve better. -You don't need a tape. 450 00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:26,418 All right? Do 400 jumping jacks. 451 00:26:28,044 --> 00:26:29,212 Go! 452 00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:37,304 You wanted to see my ladies bounce in your face, didn't you? 453 00:26:37,387 --> 00:26:38,597 [scoffs] 454 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,057 God damn it. How are you doing that? Isn't your leg broken? 455 00:26:41,141 --> 00:26:44,185 This is my physical therapy. It hurts a lot. [grunting] 456 00:26:47,605 --> 00:26:49,232 [blows whistle] 457 00:26:50,608 --> 00:26:52,068 Class dismissed. 458 00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:54,946 God damn it. 459 00:27:02,537 --> 00:27:06,541 I knew a guy like you, tryin' to do his best at his job. 460 00:27:06,624 --> 00:27:08,501 Nobody givin' him the credit he was due. 461 00:27:08,585 --> 00:27:10,503 He damn near snapped. 462 00:27:10,587 --> 00:27:12,380 I'm not gonna snap. 463 00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:15,508 Of course not. [chuckles] 464 00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:17,677 You've got everything under control. 465 00:27:18,261 --> 00:27:20,305 My guy didn't snap either. 466 00:27:20,388 --> 00:27:24,309 He found another way to make his job more rewarding. 467 00:27:24,392 --> 00:27:28,855 You think you're the first inmate to talk to me about my job being rewarding? 468 00:27:29,773 --> 00:27:36,196 My job will only be rewarding if I get... 60% of whatever you got in mind. 469 00:27:36,279 --> 00:27:38,656 Twenty. Thirty, tops. 470 00:27:38,740 --> 00:27:42,452 This is all gonna depend on how hard I have to work. 471 00:27:43,286 --> 00:27:44,996 What are you looking to get your hands on? 472 00:27:51,294 --> 00:27:55,423 -Can I have some of your water? I'm out. -You were supposed to be rationing 473 00:27:57,384 --> 00:27:58,760 One sip. 474 00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:01,179 [horse whinnies] 475 00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:04,099 [Patty chuckles] Ooh! 476 00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:07,060 God damn it! That was my fucking water! 477 00:28:07,143 --> 00:28:08,728 Here, have some of mine. 478 00:28:14,734 --> 00:28:17,028 -[chokes] -[Duray and Patty chuckle] 479 00:28:18,822 --> 00:28:22,325 Maybe Roach'll let you drink her buckets of sweat, Sandison. 480 00:28:22,409 --> 00:28:23,743 [Nardi] Murphy! 481 00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:26,454 -Up here with me, now. -[spits] 482 00:28:26,538 --> 00:28:27,622 [Duray chuckles] 483 00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:32,043 Oh, you in trouble now, Fatison. 484 00:28:32,127 --> 00:28:35,088 -I was tryin' to be nice. -Enough of your excuses, Murphy. 485 00:28:35,672 --> 00:28:39,551 Listen, I see how they're messing with you. I'm not blind. 486 00:28:39,634 --> 00:28:41,886 But you gotta stop taking the bait. 487 00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:44,055 You wanna be garbage all your life? 488 00:28:44,139 --> 00:28:46,057 Don't let those girls keep you in the gutter. 489 00:28:46,141 --> 00:28:47,600 You decide who you wanna be. 490 00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:51,354 And wash your face. It'll help with the zits. 491 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,736 -So, in conclusion... -[Black Cindy] Mmm-hmm. 492 00:28:57,819 --> 00:29:02,782 ...if you wanna heal those nasty scabs, all you need is... 493 00:29:02,866 --> 00:29:04,617 -lotion. -Oxy. 494 00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:08,413 -Right. Lotion. -Mmm-hmm. 495 00:29:08,496 --> 00:29:11,166 Anything kick a cheese habit, it's lotion. 496 00:29:11,249 --> 00:29:13,001 -[both] Mmm-hmm. -[Luschek snaps fingers] 497 00:29:14,669 --> 00:29:17,964 We're getting the signal from our producer that we need to wrap up, 498 00:29:18,047 --> 00:29:20,842 and you know we run a tight-ass ship. 499 00:29:20,925 --> 00:29:24,429 -So, any last thoughts, Black Cindy? -[mimics sad fanfare] 500 00:29:24,512 --> 00:29:26,806 -I'm Tova. -Tova. 501 00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:29,267 Let's set that record straight right here, right now. 502 00:29:29,350 --> 00:29:30,185 Okay. 503 00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:36,024 -Yeah, um... So, before I sign off-- -Come on! I gotta take a leak. 504 00:29:36,107 --> 00:29:42,113 [sighs] I wanna give a shout-out to my girl, who's also your girl, 505 00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:44,240 -Suzanne. -Hi! 506 00:29:44,324 --> 00:29:46,910 Miss you, boo. Um... 507 00:29:46,993 --> 00:29:50,121 T's back. Come and play with us in the yard sometime. 508 00:29:50,205 --> 00:29:54,459 [Flaca] Thanks for keepin' it cute with DIY Fly Flaca... 509 00:29:54,542 --> 00:29:58,463 [Black Cindy] And your girl, T-T-Tova, bringing you... 510 00:29:58,546 --> 00:30:01,216 [both] ♪ Flava to the Max ♪ 511 00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:04,093 [sighs] 512 00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:11,226 Where the fuck is Daddy with our plan? She's had the whole day. 513 00:30:24,739 --> 00:30:25,740 What we looking for? 514 00:30:25,824 --> 00:30:28,952 Something to stick in the electrical socket to shock myself with. 515 00:30:29,035 --> 00:30:31,955 A wire hanger, a tuning fork... 516 00:30:32,038 --> 00:30:34,123 We in prison. How you gonna get all that stuff? 517 00:30:34,207 --> 00:30:37,126 I need adrenalin. Choke me till I pass out. 518 00:30:37,210 --> 00:30:38,461 I'm good. 519 00:30:38,545 --> 00:30:41,005 Come on, Swope. You're up. 520 00:30:52,851 --> 00:30:54,561 [Swope] Sorry, I have carpal tunnel. 521 00:30:55,854 --> 00:30:57,397 Lazy cunts. 522 00:31:02,819 --> 00:31:06,114 I'm amending my previous statement. You're a lazy and clumsy cunt. 523 00:31:06,197 --> 00:31:07,699 -I'll clean it up. -[Vazquez chuckles] 524 00:31:53,411 --> 00:31:54,829 Did you go in there to jerk off? 525 00:31:55,663 --> 00:31:56,664 No. 526 00:31:56,748 --> 00:31:58,207 Mmm-hmm. Then where's the mop? 527 00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:14,974 -["I'm On Fire" playing on car stereo] -Hey, Chief. 528 00:32:15,058 --> 00:32:16,434 They get you back, too? 529 00:32:16,517 --> 00:32:19,479 No, I'm just waiting on somebody. 530 00:32:20,313 --> 00:32:21,981 I'm never coming back to this dump. 531 00:32:22,899 --> 00:32:25,944 I get it. You got PTSD, too. 532 00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:28,029 Take your time. 533 00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:32,033 It took me a few extra weeks to come back to this place myself. 534 00:32:32,116 --> 00:32:36,120 And listen... Sorry about that mutiny thing on my part. 535 00:32:37,455 --> 00:32:39,540 Anyway, water under the bridge? 536 00:32:41,250 --> 00:32:43,002 I gotta get going. 537 00:32:43,086 --> 00:32:45,505 You better get in there. You don't wanna be late. 538 00:32:52,845 --> 00:32:54,305 -Officer. -Mmm-hmm. 539 00:33:02,981 --> 00:33:05,233 I've been looking for love in all the wrong places. 540 00:33:06,484 --> 00:33:10,363 So, where are you taking me on this first and final date? 541 00:33:10,446 --> 00:33:12,448 Please tell me you made a reservation. 542 00:33:12,532 --> 00:33:13,741 I called in a favor. 543 00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:16,828 I got us in at that new French place across town, 544 00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:19,497 Château Abruti. 545 00:33:19,580 --> 00:33:23,292 Ew. No, no, no. French is a no-go. 546 00:33:23,376 --> 00:33:26,045 They put beurre on everything. 547 00:33:26,129 --> 00:33:28,631 And "abruti" means "jerk" in French. 548 00:33:28,715 --> 00:33:32,635 You booked us into the house of jerks, which makes so much sense. 549 00:33:34,762 --> 00:33:39,142 Fig, being this is our one and only date, 550 00:33:40,435 --> 00:33:43,271 you think we can drop the tough acts for once? 551 00:33:44,605 --> 00:33:48,860 I wanna try and get a glimpse of the real Natalie before I go. 552 00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:51,946 Just a glimpse. 553 00:33:52,780 --> 00:33:55,283 Glimpse is one of those words that's English, 554 00:33:55,366 --> 00:33:57,076 but it sounds Yiddish, you know? 555 00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,828 -Like it's something Jews eat. -[sighs] 556 00:33:58,911 --> 00:34:01,414 Like, "I'll have a glimpse with a side of sour cream." 557 00:34:01,497 --> 00:34:04,584 Oh, come on, Joe. This is what we do. 558 00:34:06,669 --> 00:34:11,090 Fine. I will go along with your... 559 00:34:11,174 --> 00:34:15,178 weird role-playing-by-not-playing-a-role fantasy game. 560 00:34:16,471 --> 00:34:19,474 But it better make you hard as a steel beam, 561 00:34:19,557 --> 00:34:23,019 and turn off that noise. I hate Bruce. He's not the boss of me. 562 00:34:24,353 --> 00:34:26,189 Uh.... how can you hate Bruce? 563 00:34:26,272 --> 00:34:27,273 [switches off stereo] 564 00:34:27,356 --> 00:34:29,192 I don't wanna talk about it. 565 00:34:30,276 --> 00:34:33,488 Nat, I'm leaving town. What have we got to lose? 566 00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:37,533 [sighs] 567 00:34:40,244 --> 00:34:44,957 I was at the concert at the St. Paul Civic Center 568 00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:47,835 the night the "Dancing in the Dark" video was shot. 569 00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:48,753 [chuckles] 570 00:34:48,836 --> 00:34:54,300 Courteney Cox was two away from me when she got pulled up from the crowd. 571 00:34:54,801 --> 00:34:57,386 If I hadn't been too fat to haul up onto the stage, 572 00:34:57,470 --> 00:35:00,014 it could've been me in that video with him. 573 00:35:00,973 --> 00:35:03,226 It haunts me. [scoffs] 574 00:35:03,309 --> 00:35:06,229 All that Friends money. Jesus, she's so fucking rich. 575 00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:10,566 You were fat? 576 00:35:11,150 --> 00:35:13,444 Not for long after that. [scoffs] 577 00:35:13,528 --> 00:35:16,989 The BS incident made me stop diddling with bulimia 578 00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:19,200 and get serious about my anorexia. 579 00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:25,957 You know... Courteney Cox was planted in the audience, right? 580 00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:27,875 That's a conspiracy theory. 581 00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:30,628 You weren't there. You don't know how real it was. 582 00:35:30,711 --> 00:35:34,632 He picked that tiny-assed, pixie-cutted waif. 583 00:35:35,258 --> 00:35:38,177 And she had this amazing career because of it, but... 584 00:35:39,095 --> 00:35:40,847 it doesn't matter. 585 00:35:42,056 --> 00:35:46,769 It made me practical and pragmatic, hardworking... 586 00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:48,813 How's that going for you? 587 00:35:50,982 --> 00:35:52,275 [scoffs] 588 00:35:52,358 --> 00:35:54,861 Slow death by fluorescent lighting. 589 00:35:55,736 --> 00:35:58,990 -Mmm. I hear you. -[chuckles softly] 590 00:35:59,073 --> 00:36:00,449 All right, let's get out of here. 591 00:36:00,533 --> 00:36:03,369 We'll go find a place with some real light bulbs. 592 00:36:09,750 --> 00:36:11,294 -[giggles] -[Nicky] Nuh-uh. 593 00:36:11,878 --> 00:36:13,546 Nah, he's not talking. 594 00:36:13,629 --> 00:36:15,214 -No. -No. 595 00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:17,175 [sighs] 596 00:36:17,758 --> 00:36:20,553 How about we go talk to Eyebrows over there instead? 597 00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:24,307 My mother told me to stay away from Cunt-Block trash like that. 598 00:36:24,390 --> 00:36:25,474 Mmm-hmm. 599 00:36:25,558 --> 00:36:29,896 One, your mom does not know about gangs in prison. 600 00:36:29,979 --> 00:36:32,273 And, two, Red is a Cunt-Block. 601 00:36:32,356 --> 00:36:34,984 I haven't heard from her since she got transferred to gen pop. 602 00:36:35,067 --> 00:36:37,153 Come across enemy lines with me. 603 00:36:37,236 --> 00:36:39,614 It'll be a natural high. 604 00:36:39,697 --> 00:36:43,576 No, no. I'll be staying here, teaching my son about loyalties. 605 00:36:43,659 --> 00:36:47,163 Well, your baby told me he's with C-Block. 606 00:36:47,747 --> 00:36:49,332 -Please. -Mmm-hmm. 607 00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:50,958 [Lorna exhales deeply] 608 00:36:51,667 --> 00:36:53,377 -[Blanca sighs] -Hey. 609 00:36:54,003 --> 00:36:55,129 Hey. 610 00:36:58,424 --> 00:37:00,176 You know how Red's doing? 611 00:37:00,259 --> 00:37:03,512 She's not talking to me. She's not talking to no one. 612 00:37:04,555 --> 00:37:06,098 Think you can get her a message from me? 613 00:37:06,182 --> 00:37:08,893 Don't you listen? Roja's not talking to us. 614 00:37:08,976 --> 00:37:10,728 What's crawling up your snatch? 615 00:37:10,811 --> 00:37:13,397 You still jonesing? I thought you quit after the riot. 616 00:37:13,481 --> 00:37:17,318 [scoffs] Fuck you. I'm not a junkie. Purely recreational. 617 00:37:17,860 --> 00:37:20,529 I'm jonesing for some semen going up my toto. 618 00:37:20,613 --> 00:37:22,907 Oh, wait a minute. You comin' on to me? 619 00:37:22,990 --> 00:37:26,452 [scoffs] Strictly hot dogs over seafood, thank you very much. 620 00:37:26,535 --> 00:37:29,830 Okay, so why don't you grab a cucumber and bang one out? 621 00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:32,208 There's no fresh produce over here. 622 00:37:32,708 --> 00:37:33,918 What I want is a baby. 623 00:37:34,001 --> 00:37:37,338 But by the time I get out of here, it might be too late. 624 00:37:37,421 --> 00:37:39,298 Doctor says it's probably already too late. 625 00:37:40,007 --> 00:37:42,635 Now, my pops and his new wifey 626 00:37:42,718 --> 00:37:45,054 recently made a fresh batch of white privilege, 627 00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:47,765 and they are way older. 628 00:37:47,848 --> 00:37:51,352 Two words: artificial insemination. 629 00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:54,855 Right. I'm sure it's covered by the prison HMO. 630 00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:58,943 Uh, I suppose it would be more of a DIY project, 631 00:37:59,026 --> 00:38:02,780 but scrappy is good. It'd be like an Etsy pregnancy. 632 00:38:02,863 --> 00:38:04,365 You know, totally doable. 633 00:38:04,448 --> 00:38:08,119 I know because I used to inseminate cows at rehab number four. 634 00:38:08,202 --> 00:38:09,287 Check it out. All right. 635 00:38:09,370 --> 00:38:12,873 All you need is to smuggle in some warm spunk from your boyfriend. 636 00:38:12,957 --> 00:38:15,626 Then, you shoot it up your baby maker with a turkey baster, 637 00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:18,671 hang out with your legs in the air for... a half an hour... 638 00:38:18,754 --> 00:38:21,173 Ding. Easy-Bake Baby. 639 00:38:21,257 --> 00:38:23,759 Where the fuck am I supposed to get a turkey baster? 640 00:38:24,343 --> 00:38:27,013 We use the dropper from the commissary eye drops. 641 00:38:27,096 --> 00:38:30,224 You know, clean out that bottle real good, and... 642 00:38:36,689 --> 00:38:40,443 How in the hell did you manage to get into Florida, Doggett? 643 00:38:41,861 --> 00:38:44,905 -I got my ways. -Well, I bet you do. 644 00:38:44,989 --> 00:38:49,577 You must've put on one hell of a show, 'cause you ain't a granny or a tranny, 645 00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:51,454 and that just leaves looney tooney. 646 00:38:52,788 --> 00:38:55,124 Hey, why am I in here? 647 00:38:56,125 --> 00:38:58,127 No. I'm an old soul. 648 00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:04,050 They're not relaxin' the rules, are they? 649 00:39:04,133 --> 00:39:08,471 No, they wouldn't do that. This is supposed to be a safe space. 650 00:39:08,554 --> 00:39:13,809 It better be. I made a deal with the devil to have my ass in here. 651 00:39:13,893 --> 00:39:14,935 What kind of deal? 652 00:39:15,519 --> 00:39:17,021 It's a secret deal. 653 00:39:17,605 --> 00:39:20,232 If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret. Now, would it? 654 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,778 Wouldn't telling a secret feel so much better? 655 00:39:23,861 --> 00:39:24,779 No. 656 00:39:25,654 --> 00:39:27,656 [Suzanne] Not hiding anything? 657 00:39:28,240 --> 00:39:31,285 Not having to figure out whether or not to go to the yard 658 00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:33,704 to see your friends because you don't know what to say 659 00:39:33,788 --> 00:39:36,665 because you're scared you don't deserve to be their friend anymore, 660 00:39:36,749 --> 00:39:39,960 but also scared you're going to spill the secret? 661 00:39:40,669 --> 00:39:42,880 You know? And one friend would be mad at you, 662 00:39:42,963 --> 00:39:44,840 and the first friend would be mad at the other, 663 00:39:44,924 --> 00:39:46,801 and then you're hitting yourself and screaming 664 00:39:46,884 --> 00:39:49,387 and you're just wishing you get back to where you were before, 665 00:39:49,470 --> 00:39:51,430 because you miss them. 666 00:39:51,514 --> 00:39:54,058 Now, would that or would that not be better? 667 00:39:54,141 --> 00:39:55,393 You got a secret, Warren? 668 00:39:55,476 --> 00:39:59,772 -No. Nope. Why would you think that? -Oh. 669 00:39:59,855 --> 00:40:01,232 No reason. 670 00:40:02,149 --> 00:40:05,069 But if you ask me, friends are a liability. 671 00:40:05,152 --> 00:40:09,156 And that dung hole they call a yard ain't even a real yard. 672 00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:13,244 Just a bunch of bricks on a roof with some slats over it, 673 00:40:13,327 --> 00:40:16,414 where big, scary bullies hang out. 674 00:40:18,582 --> 00:40:19,708 Thanks, brother. 675 00:40:19,792 --> 00:40:21,710 -[indistinct chatter] -[music playing] 676 00:40:28,717 --> 00:40:31,929 Here's to seeing Beer Can with an actual beer can. 677 00:40:32,012 --> 00:40:36,142 Here's to watching Hell Bitch suck on one for longer than a minute and a half. 678 00:40:37,059 --> 00:40:38,394 -[Fig chuckles] -No. 679 00:40:43,149 --> 00:40:44,859 I saw Dixon was back. 680 00:40:44,942 --> 00:40:47,027 Yes. Yes, you did. 681 00:40:47,111 --> 00:40:50,030 You sure you wanna bring back old guards? 682 00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:54,535 I mean, they weren't the sharpest tools in the box to begin with. 683 00:40:54,618 --> 00:40:58,122 And the riot couldn't have helped with their PTSD. 684 00:40:58,706 --> 00:41:01,709 They're bringing you back to prison, albeit in Missouri. 685 00:41:02,626 --> 00:41:06,464 You're probably right. They'll be fine. They're tough. 686 00:41:07,923 --> 00:41:10,050 -Like me. -[both chuckle] 687 00:41:10,134 --> 00:41:13,596 And the camp girls... Are they adjusting to Max? 688 00:41:13,679 --> 00:41:15,431 Taystee's in gen pop now, right? 689 00:41:16,515 --> 00:41:17,600 For someone who's leaving, 690 00:41:17,683 --> 00:41:20,811 you're annoyingly curious about the minutiae of my prison. 691 00:41:21,395 --> 00:41:25,191 I'm just trying to make conversation. I don't give a fuck. 692 00:41:25,774 --> 00:41:29,737 Oh, come on. If we play this truth-telling game, you gotta play by the rules. 693 00:41:29,820 --> 00:41:32,198 You do give a fuck. That's who you are. 694 00:41:33,282 --> 00:41:34,575 That's the old me. 695 00:41:35,409 --> 00:41:39,622 Missouri me will not get bogged down by others, 696 00:41:39,705 --> 00:41:42,541 and I'm gonna take care of me from now on. 697 00:41:42,625 --> 00:41:45,294 What you did for them was for you. 698 00:41:46,795 --> 00:41:49,632 Those girls mean something to you, and... 699 00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:54,595 You helped them, sort of, in your own way. 700 00:41:54,678 --> 00:41:56,764 [sighs] Yeah, yeah. 701 00:41:58,182 --> 00:41:59,558 That's what you hate about me. 702 00:42:00,142 --> 00:42:01,685 I don't hate you. 703 00:42:02,394 --> 00:42:05,189 [karaoke host] And we are back from break, folks. 704 00:42:05,272 --> 00:42:08,484 Next up, we have Joseph C. 705 00:42:08,567 --> 00:42:10,194 -Joseph C, come on up. -[Caputo chuckles] 706 00:42:10,277 --> 00:42:13,489 No. No, you... You didn't. No, Joe. Don't... 707 00:42:13,572 --> 00:42:14,990 ["I'm On Fire" playing] 708 00:42:22,039 --> 00:42:23,332 [laughs] 709 00:42:24,291 --> 00:42:26,627 ♪ Hey, little girl, is your daddy home? ♪ 710 00:42:26,710 --> 00:42:29,964 ♪ Did he go away And leave you all alone? ♪ 711 00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:31,131 [giggles] 712 00:42:31,215 --> 00:42:34,051 -♪ I got a bad desire ♪ -Oh... 713 00:42:35,052 --> 00:42:38,931 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪ 714 00:42:40,432 --> 00:42:42,726 ♪ Tell me now, baby, is he good to you? ♪ 715 00:42:42,810 --> 00:42:45,396 ♪ Can he do to you the things that I do? ♪ 716 00:42:45,479 --> 00:42:49,275 ♪ Oh, no, I can take you higher ♪ 717 00:42:51,151 --> 00:42:55,197 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪ 718 00:42:56,532 --> 00:43:00,035 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪ 719 00:43:01,829 --> 00:43:05,874 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪ 720 00:43:10,588 --> 00:43:11,797 No, no, no. 721 00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:15,301 Go and get him, or I will. 722 00:43:29,690 --> 00:43:31,108 [giggling] 723 00:43:59,595 --> 00:44:01,013 I can't believe you're leaving. 724 00:44:05,934 --> 00:44:07,686 Uh... 725 00:44:10,522 --> 00:44:11,982 Excuse me. 726 00:44:12,066 --> 00:44:13,692 Do you know where the memoirs are? 727 00:44:13,776 --> 00:44:16,111 Figure it out yourself, Caca-Block. 728 00:44:16,195 --> 00:44:18,530 Just so you know, I didn't have anything to do with that. 729 00:44:18,614 --> 00:44:21,158 In fact, when they asked me, I defied them. 730 00:44:21,784 --> 00:44:24,495 -I'm on your side on this one. -You wanna defect? 731 00:44:24,578 --> 00:44:27,956 I wanna stay neutral. I'm writing a memoir. 732 00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:30,042 About prison. 733 00:44:31,001 --> 00:44:32,670 About my experience in prison. 734 00:44:33,587 --> 00:44:36,423 I think I have a fresh perspective, but I wanna make sure. 735 00:44:36,507 --> 00:44:38,008 Can you help, please? 736 00:44:38,092 --> 00:44:40,678 No memoirs here. Only law books. 737 00:44:40,761 --> 00:44:43,472 That's the aisle on assault, and that's the aisle on murder. 738 00:44:43,555 --> 00:44:46,684 -I didn't murder anybody. -Charlize Theron. 739 00:44:47,184 --> 00:44:50,020 I think she's still alive. I think. 740 00:44:50,104 --> 00:44:52,731 -Celebrity news travels slowly here. -No. 741 00:44:52,815 --> 00:44:55,109 To each, their own. Charlize Theron. 742 00:44:55,192 --> 00:44:58,904 I like to replace phrases with celebrity names that rhyme with them. 743 00:44:58,987 --> 00:45:01,824 -You mind if I peruse? -Charlize Theron. 744 00:45:02,533 --> 00:45:04,451 Oh. I get it. Clever. 745 00:45:05,119 --> 00:45:07,079 I can CeeLo Green how that works. 746 00:45:07,162 --> 00:45:08,539 No, not for you. 747 00:45:43,866 --> 00:45:46,243 -Do you know what these are? -Oh. 748 00:45:46,326 --> 00:45:49,913 Used to be a photo man came and take pictures the inmates could pay for. 749 00:45:49,997 --> 00:45:51,748 These are the ones that didn't get paid for. 750 00:45:51,832 --> 00:45:55,502 I wouldn't waste my time, though. All the good ones for masturbation are gone. 751 00:45:55,586 --> 00:45:58,338 Why are there photos of C- and D-Block together? 752 00:45:58,422 --> 00:46:01,675 It's a fairy tale only the old biddies go on about. 753 00:46:01,758 --> 00:46:04,595 Khakis and blues, having fun in the sun. [sucks teeth] 754 00:46:04,678 --> 00:46:07,973 -But there's photo evidence. -What does it matter now? 755 00:46:08,056 --> 00:46:12,060 Crap-Block, with its dung and piss everywhere, actin' like animals. 756 00:46:12,144 --> 00:46:16,315 You know what happens to animals? They get shot. Gutted. 757 00:46:16,398 --> 00:46:19,860 Their skin flayed off and tanned for leather. 758 00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:25,866 Their meat cooked for food. Blood drained. Bones cracked. 759 00:46:25,949 --> 00:46:29,328 Well, I have everything I need. Thank you for your help. 760 00:46:29,411 --> 00:46:31,580 I'll let you get back to your riveting tales of... 761 00:46:36,126 --> 00:46:37,669 Thank you for your help. 762 00:46:40,088 --> 00:46:41,965 [upbeat music playing over cell phone] 763 00:46:42,049 --> 00:46:43,383 Now headbang. 764 00:46:48,347 --> 00:46:50,974 It's like EDM, but with vocal textures. 765 00:46:51,058 --> 00:46:53,477 -That's the genius of Sssen. -Who? 766 00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:55,020 The band, Sssen, 767 00:46:55,103 --> 00:46:58,732 like the name the witch gives the girl in Miyazaki's Spirited Away, 768 00:46:58,815 --> 00:47:01,401 but with extra silent S's at the beginning. 769 00:47:01,985 --> 00:47:03,529 You're sexy when you talk smart. 770 00:47:04,112 --> 00:47:05,614 Now pretend you have glow sticks. 771 00:47:05,697 --> 00:47:09,284 Oh. The head swing was bad, but fuck the glow stick. Uh-uh. 772 00:47:09,368 --> 00:47:12,329 [in Spanish] So salsa with me. It's workin' out. 773 00:47:12,412 --> 00:47:16,083 Feelin' like I'm 15 again. 774 00:47:16,166 --> 00:47:17,125 Whoo! 775 00:47:17,209 --> 00:47:19,878 [in English] Feeling like I could dry hump the first dick I see. 776 00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:22,464 Ew. That would be Luschek. 777 00:47:22,548 --> 00:47:23,632 Ay , no, Flo. 778 00:47:23,715 --> 00:47:26,885 Hey, he's the poor man's Chris Pratt. 779 00:47:26,969 --> 00:47:28,762 -[Blanca scoffs] -[Gloria laughs] 780 00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:29,888 I accept that. 781 00:47:30,597 --> 00:47:31,598 [music stops] 782 00:47:32,349 --> 00:47:34,768 Aw! Turn it back on. 783 00:47:34,851 --> 00:47:37,688 Ladies, ladies, you flatter me. 784 00:47:37,771 --> 00:47:41,733 That's about all my heart could take for today. Be sure to come back Friday. 785 00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:45,654 Working on getting some LED headbands through security, so... [clicks tongue] 786 00:47:45,737 --> 00:47:47,155 Huh? 787 00:47:49,241 --> 00:47:51,660 Thanks for the rave, Luschek. 788 00:47:51,743 --> 00:47:55,247 Haven't been to one in years. I especially liked this move. 789 00:47:56,164 --> 00:47:57,833 Ooh... 790 00:47:57,916 --> 00:47:59,751 -[chuckles] -Oh, yeah. 791 00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:04,089 I'll have all new songs on Friday. 792 00:48:04,673 --> 00:48:06,925 Hope you bring more electricity next time. 793 00:48:07,009 --> 00:48:11,888 Right. Next time, I'm gonna really show 'em how to charge it up. 794 00:48:11,972 --> 00:48:13,599 Enough with the cutesy code bullshit. 795 00:48:13,682 --> 00:48:16,768 Maybe there'll even be a little somethin' extra in it for ya 796 00:48:16,852 --> 00:48:18,687 if you bring the phones in faster. 797 00:48:18,770 --> 00:48:20,814 -Bitches love 'em some Snapchat. -[chuckles] 798 00:48:26,403 --> 00:48:28,822 I think somebody stole a piece. 799 00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:33,201 Fuckin' bitches. I got a plan to take 'em down. You in? 800 00:48:33,285 --> 00:48:38,123 Nah, I wanna lay low. Can't risk getting any extra time in this circle of hell. 801 00:48:38,206 --> 00:48:39,708 If we don't do something now, 802 00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:43,920 there will be more fuckin' Durays and Pattys waiting for us on the outside. 803 00:48:44,004 --> 00:48:46,465 We gotta write our own stories. 804 00:48:48,508 --> 00:48:51,053 -What you got in mind? -Follow my lead. 805 00:48:57,809 --> 00:48:58,727 [Roach grunts] 806 00:48:58,810 --> 00:49:00,228 Hey, everybody. 807 00:49:00,312 --> 00:49:01,938 Watch me spray a roach. 808 00:49:03,023 --> 00:49:04,232 [Roach screams] 809 00:49:04,316 --> 00:49:05,192 [Nardi] On the ground! 810 00:49:05,275 --> 00:49:06,902 Stop! Hey! Get her down! 811 00:49:06,985 --> 00:49:08,820 -Get her down! -[counselor] On the ground! 812 00:49:08,904 --> 00:49:10,364 What happened? What'd I miss? 813 00:49:11,198 --> 00:49:12,032 [Roach screams] 814 00:49:12,115 --> 00:49:14,618 Badison burned herself a roach. 815 00:49:14,701 --> 00:49:17,954 -[Roach cries] -[counselor] Call 911! 816 00:49:44,481 --> 00:49:48,193 Somebody put you up to this or what? Why you sittin' here? 817 00:49:50,529 --> 00:49:51,780 'Cause it's a chair. 818 00:49:53,782 --> 00:49:55,117 They call me guard goat. 819 00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:58,286 This ain't gonna get you popular with the pendejas around here, so... 820 00:50:00,997 --> 00:50:02,374 I don't give a fuck. 821 00:50:03,291 --> 00:50:06,044 I could sit next to anybody in this motherfucker 822 00:50:06,128 --> 00:50:08,046 and not give a fuck about nothing. 823 00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:12,759 [Maria sighs] Right. 824 00:50:15,178 --> 00:50:17,222 This how you dealing with your extra time? 825 00:50:20,350 --> 00:50:22,310 I don't know what you talkin' about. 826 00:50:22,936 --> 00:50:28,233 I'm walking on fuckin' air. Like Jesus. But with air. 827 00:50:31,236 --> 00:50:33,030 [Taystee speaking indistinctly] 828 00:50:35,574 --> 00:50:37,659 [Black Cindy speaking indistinctly] 829 00:50:39,578 --> 00:50:40,662 Suzanne! 830 00:50:45,167 --> 00:50:49,880 [shrieks excitedly] What's up? What's up? Oh, man. 831 00:50:50,464 --> 00:50:52,716 -Not mine. -Me, neither. 832 00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:56,136 Doesn't look like it's gonna get stabby or sexy anyway. 833 00:50:56,219 --> 00:50:58,305 All right. Simmer down, inmates. 834 00:50:59,848 --> 00:51:02,726 Yo, it's good to see you. 835 00:51:03,310 --> 00:51:04,978 How you been? 836 00:51:05,061 --> 00:51:06,897 Ain't it good to see Taystee? 837 00:51:07,564 --> 00:51:10,233 Sure. It's good to see you. 838 00:51:10,859 --> 00:51:14,112 I got somethin' that will put a smile on that face. Let me tell you. 839 00:51:14,196 --> 00:51:17,908 Look, people been talkin' about Poussey, even the papers. 840 00:51:17,991 --> 00:51:20,869 I mean, we got copycat riots going on. 841 00:51:20,952 --> 00:51:23,455 We are making the change. 842 00:51:23,538 --> 00:51:26,291 We are being the change. 843 00:51:27,209 --> 00:51:29,961 Everything's goin' our way. 844 00:51:31,755 --> 00:51:32,964 [Taystee] Hey. 845 00:51:34,216 --> 00:51:35,801 They treatin' you okay in here? 846 00:51:37,636 --> 00:51:39,513 You got your meds all straight? 847 00:51:41,098 --> 00:51:43,558 -Your mama come to visit you yet? -Stop! 848 00:51:43,642 --> 00:51:46,520 Stop smothering me. 849 00:51:47,103 --> 00:51:49,523 I'm not a child. I can take care of myself. 850 00:51:49,606 --> 00:51:52,984 I don't need the two of you always all over me all the time. 851 00:51:54,611 --> 00:51:55,737 Okay. 852 00:51:56,822 --> 00:52:01,284 Uh, my bad. I hear you. I'll back up. I wanted to be sure you was okay. 853 00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:05,831 I'm fine. Or, at least, I was fine until you two made me come up here. 854 00:52:05,914 --> 00:52:07,582 This dung hole. 855 00:52:07,666 --> 00:52:13,755 It's not even a real yard. It's just... a bunch of bricks with... big bullies. 856 00:52:16,424 --> 00:52:19,386 -What makes her feel that way? -Mmm-mmm. 857 00:52:20,303 --> 00:52:21,888 Where you keepin' 'em? 858 00:52:24,015 --> 00:52:25,100 What? 859 00:52:26,434 --> 00:52:28,562 -What are you talkin' about? -Holy shit. 860 00:52:28,645 --> 00:52:32,691 Did you swallow all Barb's stash? You idiot. What the fuck? 861 00:52:32,774 --> 00:52:34,693 Relax. I got a couple left. Barb'll never know. 862 00:52:34,776 --> 00:52:37,153 -You have any idea how fucked I am now? -[sighs] 863 00:52:37,237 --> 00:52:38,405 I thought you had a huge plan. 864 00:52:38,488 --> 00:52:40,532 I had a fuckin' plan, but he pussied out, 865 00:52:40,615 --> 00:52:43,159 and no other guards will touch our damaged D-Block asses. 866 00:52:43,243 --> 00:52:44,828 That was all I had left. 867 00:52:45,704 --> 00:52:48,707 I'm unleashing my girls on you. They're gonna fuck you up. 868 00:52:48,790 --> 00:52:52,919 -Yeah? Come on. -I know how to really fuckin' hurt you. 869 00:53:10,896 --> 00:53:13,523 Okay. I've got the answer to all of our problems. 870 00:53:14,190 --> 00:53:17,527 -A time machine? -Kinda. Sorta. 871 00:53:17,611 --> 00:53:19,029 We're gonna bring back kickball. 872 00:53:19,112 --> 00:53:20,739 Oh, Christ. 873 00:53:20,822 --> 00:53:25,660 It was a time of peace and fun. Inmates of all blocks would play together. 874 00:53:25,744 --> 00:53:28,580 People need something nice here, and I think we could give it to them. 875 00:53:28,663 --> 00:53:31,082 "We"? I thought we were writing a memoir. 876 00:53:31,166 --> 00:53:35,378 Exactly. This would be a more hopeful note to send the reader off on. 877 00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:39,132 As of now, the takeaway is that I've made prison worse. 878 00:53:39,215 --> 00:53:42,594 But if I do a good deed, all's well that Denzel. 879 00:53:42,677 --> 00:53:43,887 -What? -It's a thing. 880 00:53:43,970 --> 00:53:45,347 It's tricky, but I can teach you. 881 00:53:45,430 --> 00:53:46,723 No. 882 00:53:47,682 --> 00:53:52,979 Yo, Gapman, I need a second private with your missus-to-be. 883 00:53:54,522 --> 00:53:57,400 Anything you wanna say to her, you can say to me. 884 00:53:57,484 --> 00:53:59,694 That's why we're gonna be Mrs. and Mrs. 885 00:54:00,695 --> 00:54:02,197 Enemies close, remember? 886 00:54:03,531 --> 00:54:05,575 -Charlize Theron. -What? 887 00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:15,252 Our plan fuckin' worked. 888 00:54:16,169 --> 00:54:17,212 And it turns out, 889 00:54:17,295 --> 00:54:20,632 a phone is worth ten times more than a gram of coke. 890 00:54:20,715 --> 00:54:22,968 Carol's gonna beg for me to come back. 891 00:54:23,051 --> 00:54:27,138 And best of all, everyone's gonna know how badass I am. 892 00:54:27,222 --> 00:54:30,892 Well, I'm glad it worked out for you. You might wanna keep a low profile. 893 00:54:30,976 --> 00:54:34,354 Hey... you're my right-hand gal. 894 00:54:35,313 --> 00:54:37,065 We gotta game plan the bigger picture. 895 00:54:37,649 --> 00:54:39,442 I'm not gonna be a player in your game. 896 00:54:39,526 --> 00:54:43,071 I did you a solid, laying off Gapman and all. 897 00:54:43,154 --> 00:54:46,199 This is me, collectin' on the fuckin' favor. 898 00:54:47,659 --> 00:54:51,621 I'm not fucking waiting on Daddy anymore. I need drugs now. 899 00:54:53,248 --> 00:54:56,084 -One of those is mine. -Mother-forgetter, the other two are mine. 900 00:54:57,335 --> 00:54:59,004 -Give me drugs, bitch. -What drugs? 901 00:54:59,087 --> 00:55:00,463 [Annalisa] Don't play dumb. 902 00:55:00,547 --> 00:55:02,465 You guys been keeping all the drugs for yourself. 903 00:55:02,549 --> 00:55:05,719 Fuckin' junkie. I don't deal drugs no more. That's Carol's thing now. 904 00:55:05,802 --> 00:55:09,848 You hiding them in that smelly-ass thing? Bet your arm's not even broken. 905 00:55:10,473 --> 00:55:11,349 [grunts] 906 00:55:12,183 --> 00:55:14,394 -Fuckin' bitch. -[Annalisa grunts] 907 00:55:15,603 --> 00:55:16,479 I swear. 908 00:55:17,313 --> 00:55:18,523 [gasps] 909 00:55:18,606 --> 00:55:20,442 -Don't fucking mess with D-Block! -Fuck. 910 00:55:20,525 --> 00:55:21,985 Shit! 911 00:55:22,068 --> 00:55:23,862 -Oh, fuck. -[groaning] 912 00:55:23,945 --> 00:55:25,739 -Are you okay? -Take it. Take it. 913 00:55:25,822 --> 00:55:28,908 -I'm not fucking with that. -Take the fuckin' thing. 914 00:55:28,992 --> 00:55:29,951 [screams] 915 00:55:30,035 --> 00:55:32,078 -[Piper] Hey, are you hurt? -[Alex] Let's go. 916 00:55:32,162 --> 00:55:33,246 [groans] 917 00:55:33,329 --> 00:55:35,331 [inmate] That's right, that's right! 918 00:55:35,415 --> 00:55:36,958 [all clamoring and yelling] 919 00:55:44,340 --> 00:55:47,552 ♪ I'm gonna fuck you up, gonna cut you up Gonna fuck you up ♪ 920 00:55:47,635 --> 00:55:51,431 ♪ And then I'm gonna fuck you up Gonna cut you up, gonna fuck you up ♪ 921 00:55:51,514 --> 00:55:55,518 ♪ And then I'm gonna fuck you up Gonna cut you up, gonna fuck you up ♪ 922 00:55:55,602 --> 00:55:59,314 ♪ And then I'm gonna fuck you up Gonna cut you up, gonna fuck you up ♪ 923 00:55:59,397 --> 00:56:02,233 ♪ I'm gonna cut your hair ♪ 924 00:56:03,276 --> 00:56:06,196 ♪ Now, won't you stare? ♪ 925 00:56:06,988 --> 00:56:09,407 ♪ I'm gonna cut your hair ♪ 926 00:56:11,117 --> 00:56:13,453 ♪ And then I want you to stare ♪ 927 00:56:14,496 --> 00:56:15,789 ♪ Once... ♪ 928 00:56:31,513 --> 00:56:37,018 ♪ I spy with my little eye ♪ 929 00:56:39,521 --> 00:56:44,776 ♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad bitches ♪ 930 00:56:47,529 --> 00:56:50,448 ♪ Bitches, bitches, bitches ♪