1 00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:07,298 [cell door slams] 2 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,051 [theme song playing] 3 00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:58,850 [cell door slams] 4 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:16,576 [cell door slams] 5 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:25,251 [Cathy] Good... morning, Litchfield Max! 6 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,921 And greetings to our new cookies. 7 00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:31,299 We hope you are sweet and not salty. 8 00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,426 Carpe diem, ladies, 9 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:37,806 because today is the first day of the rest of your life. 10 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:39,974 And if you're serving life 11 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,393 and this is the first day of the rest of your sentence, 12 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:45,605 then that's one less day than yesterday. [laughs] 13 00:01:45,688 --> 00:01:50,151 Announcements. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. 14 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:53,071 The kitchen ladies want to remind us 15 00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:56,241 that they have to clean off the trays that we eat off of. 16 00:01:56,324 --> 00:02:00,411 So treat those trays with some respect. 17 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:03,456 And for all of you who have filed complaints against me, 18 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:04,916 I got another announcement. 19 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,710 You're trolls. 20 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:13,133 Go back under your bridge and eat some goats, why don't ya? 21 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:17,387 My voice is my power. 22 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:23,268 On the outside, when I would talk, my husband would say, "Shut up, Cathy." 23 00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:27,188 Well, he's not saying anything anymore, is he? 24 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,733 And I... I will never shut up. 25 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,194 Find your voice, people. 26 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:36,156 -Claim your power. -[camera clicks] 27 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:39,159 That is the lesson for today. 28 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,289 [beeps] 29 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,586 [indistinct chatter] 30 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,301 -Boo! -Okay. 31 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:57,886 [laughs] 32 00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:01,180 -You're an asshole. -[laughing] 33 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,311 [Michelle] Did you sleep okay, Nicky? 34 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,438 Interesting question there. 35 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,691 Uh, my institutional depression and the sweet escape that sleep promises 36 00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:14,485 usually has me down for the count, but weirdly, 37 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:17,697 I have been battling some insomnia lately. 38 00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:20,867 It couldn't be the 24 hour florescent lighting, 39 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,744 lack of windows, constant observation 40 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:27,916 or... or the very real possibility of spending the rest of my life here 41 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,584 that's keeping me up, huh? 42 00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:34,172 Well, as soon as you sign this statement, we'll get you moved to general population. 43 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:36,174 We'll get you a window at least. 44 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,301 Huh. 45 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:40,762 [sighs] 46 00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:43,306 -Okay. -Something not to your liking? 47 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:44,766 It's supposed to be my statement. 48 00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,559 We can still make small tweaks. 49 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,354 Uh, this part here, where it says that 50 00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:53,942 "Reznikov is guilty of kidnapping and false imprisonment." 51 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:58,988 [stutters] So, it's "false imprisonment" as opposed to... 52 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,323 "true imprisonment"? 53 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,909 -Nicky, stop being a smart-ass. -[Nicky] Huh? 54 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,535 Just sign the damn thing. 55 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,538 I don't want you putting words in my mouth. 56 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,916 [Michelle] These are legal terms. 57 00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:15,004 What if, instead of Red, I say it was Frieda? 58 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,799 Look, I'm telling you she is shady as fuck. 59 00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:21,970 Reznikov is the person the feds are building a case against. 60 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,973 You said yourself Reznikov was the one that lured in Piscatella. 61 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,058 Jesus. Will you just call her Red, okay? 62 00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:28,768 -In the statement? -No. No. 63 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:32,063 Just now. You know, she's my friend, so... 64 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:36,401 What if I just talk to her, uh, one more time 65 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:39,445 and see if there's any other options, okay? 66 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,947 You think there's a better deal 67 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,700 than getting 70 years' worth of drug charges dropped? 68 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,244 You want 'em to pay you, too? 69 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,498 Talking to Reznikov is the worst thing that you can do right now, Nicky. 70 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:53,376 If she accepts a plea deal before you sign this, 71 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,253 -then this deal's off the table. -[Les] Yeah. 72 00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:58,506 And you're facing another 70 years in this shithole. 73 00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:01,801 My God, I know. Okay. Just stop telling me what to do. 74 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,429 -I don't have time for this bullshit. -Oh, okay. 75 00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:08,182 Nicky, the deal from the AUSA is on the table until 5:00 p.m. 76 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,726 We're heading back to the city now. 77 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:12,312 I thought we were gonna stay upstate, go for a hike. 78 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:15,982 Babe, I've already got reflux, I am not getting Lyme disease. 79 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:20,320 You, my dear, wanna stay here the rest of your life? I don't know what to tell you. 80 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:24,824 "And it is in the story of Balaam and his talking donkey that--" 81 00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:27,076 [Marka] Don't swallow your words. 82 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:31,956 "What once was to be a curse became a blessing for the Jewish people." 83 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,208 [Marka] This is a six, really? 84 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,210 It runs small. It's French. 85 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,462 Well, then get me a dress 86 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:40,757 from a country that isn't determined to make Americans feel bad. 87 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:45,845 Don't stop, darling. Shoulders down, eye contact. 88 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:49,348 "Speaking of blessings, 89 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,934 I want to thank my mother, who's a role model to everyone--" 90 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:55,438 Don't say role model. It points out I'm not a model-model. 91 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,440 Say I'm an inspiration. 92 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:03,112 "Thanks to my father, Les, to Rabbi Epstein, Pamela Schwaid--" 93 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,281 Why are you thanking Pamela? 94 00:06:05,364 --> 00:06:07,533 For breaking up my marriage to your father? 95 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,535 Technically, that was Genevieve. 96 00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:12,789 I'm thanking Pamela for proofreading my speech, 97 00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:16,000 for picking me up from Hebrew School and for getting the DJ. 98 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,002 Fine, it's your Bat Mitzvah. 99 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:21,964 I'm just asking you not to shame me in front of everyone I know. 100 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:26,010 And what was that whole "sometimes you have to trust a talking ass"? 101 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,553 -Dad thought it was funny. -[scoffs] 102 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,263 Ass is another word for donkey. 103 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:32,266 It's also another word for your father. Change it. 104 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:38,189 [sighs] No. Let's go back to the French one. A size up. God damn it. 105 00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:39,941 [woman] Yes, of course. 106 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:43,569 I promise, after this, we'll look for a dress for you. 107 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:48,032 And maybe get that mop on your head flat ironed. 108 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,329 -So who'd you rat out? -Nobody. 109 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:57,250 [scoffs] Every bitch that got out early ratted out somebody else. 110 00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,876 So who did you rat out? 111 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,419 I'm no fuckin' rat. 112 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,505 Took a plea for ten fuckin' years. 113 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:05,967 Them cocksuckers said I was a riot organizer. 114 00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,010 How much time you got? 115 00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:10,179 Six months. 116 00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:14,767 Your skinny ass was on TV, and I'm the fuckin' organizer? Fuck. 117 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,769 That's some white privilege bullshit right there. 118 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:20,231 You seemed pretty organized in the chapel with the hostages. 119 00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:22,733 -Bitch, you rat me out? -No. 120 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:24,652 Jesus. 121 00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:31,117 What do you want? 122 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,663 -You got a quarter? -Of course I don't have a quarter. 123 00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:39,000 Uh-huh. Figured the tooth fairy would've left you something for that 124 00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,751 fucked up mouth. 125 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,378 -Fuck off. -[gasps] 126 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:46,966 Hey, I got you into medical, didn't I? Last time I do you a favor. 127 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:49,760 Keep it down, inmates. Murphy, I'm watching you. 128 00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:52,597 -How much time you getting? -I don't know yet. 129 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,349 You know how I can tell you're lying? 130 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,685 You get this thing right here... 131 00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:59,729 -I'm not lying. -Oh, I see it. 132 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,023 And I'm never gonna forget it, neither. 133 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:05,526 D block. Ruiz, Trejas, this is your stop. 134 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,409 Okay. Let's go. 135 00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,412 [Cathy] Weather today is... 136 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,956 Well, I won't really know till rec time. [chuckles] 137 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,375 It sure feels hot as heck, 138 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:25,505 but I also have an infected toe, so it could just be that I'm running a fever. 139 00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,883 She is straight up disgusting. 140 00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:31,385 I don't wanna think about that bitch's pus toe. 141 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,554 If I was on the radio, 142 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:39,393 I would do something like a Loveline, and call it Flaca-line, 143 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:42,438 and talk about, like, how you can solve what's wrong on the inside 144 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,940 by fixing your outsides. 145 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:48,861 Hey, um, I think you should go to medical. 146 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:52,323 Yeah, I'm gonna ask a guard to take me right after he beats me up again. 147 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:53,533 Shit, that sucks. 148 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:58,621 On the positive side, that janky blonde streak you got 149 00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,081 is growing out kinda cool. 150 00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:01,791 I wish Maritza could see you. 151 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:06,379 She always said... [chuckles] it would grow out shitty and break. 152 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:11,842 [sighs] You know that girl... that's a guy, but she's a girl? 153 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:13,803 Uh, yeah, Papi or something. 154 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,930 She keeps on giving me oxy. 155 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,518 -I haven't taken any. -You better be careful. 156 00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:24,897 Opioid constipation... that shit ain't no joke. 157 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,941 I knew this one kid who was on oxy. 158 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:29,360 He didn't take a shit for, like, two weeks. 159 00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:33,948 Finally he got so desperate, he went into his own ass and took it out. 160 00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:35,032 Ew. 161 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,201 -True story. -Ugh. 162 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,828 No one ever shook his hand again. 163 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:40,705 [sighs] 164 00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,716 [laughs] Bitch, we missed you! 165 00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:53,551 [Creech] I can do your nails if you want. 166 00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:54,927 How's your arm? 167 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,554 How's my arm? 168 00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:59,015 It's okey-fucking-dokey, shitbrains. 169 00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,433 [laughter] 170 00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:03,728 Hey, you two, meet your new family. 171 00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:07,315 These C-block bitches will either save your life, 172 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,233 or make you want to die. 173 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:10,818 Your choice. 174 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:14,864 Family, this is... proof of evolution. 175 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,867 [chuckles] This is Gapman. 176 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,244 Smile, Gapman. 177 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,748 No, no, no, no, no. 178 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,501 Show us your gap, Gapman. 179 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,587 [Eckelcamp laughs] 180 00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:31,672 Eckelcamp, what's so funny? 181 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:37,637 [laughing] Just... you said Gapman, and she has a gap. 182 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,890 [chuckles] What you don't know is that her real name is Chapman. 183 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,684 So it's super funny, but you didn't know that. 184 00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:45,770 Sorry. 185 00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:48,606 You fuck with my timing when you laugh too early like that. 186 00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:54,028 Flores, you are in C203. 187 00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:59,617 Chapman, C107. Hoefler, you're in C210 now. 188 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:04,330 Aw. I don't get to be roomies with the baby killer no more? 189 00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,999 I'm gonna miss you, scary mommy. Mmm. 190 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,793 -[grunts] -[all laugh] 191 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:18,135 Don't do that baby voice. You know I hate it. 192 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,639 Sorry, Carol. 193 00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:34,151 [sighs] 194 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,907 [cell door opens] 195 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,452 [Ward] Come on, inmate. Get dressed. 196 00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:46,205 Time to go to interrogation. 197 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:48,874 [sighs] 198 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,127 How come they took so long to talk to me? 199 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,336 Mmm-mmm. 200 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:02,346 You don't have anything. How could you lose something in here? 201 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,144 [Taystee sighs] 202 00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:21,907 You ever see that video of that guy who gets home 203 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:25,536 and there's garbage all over the place [chuckles] and he's like, 204 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:27,455 "Which dog got in the trash?" 205 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:31,750 And his first dog is just smiling, wagging his tail. 206 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,962 And same thing with the second dog. Then he gets to his third dog-- 207 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:40,009 How many dogs this man have? Let me guess. He's white? 208 00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,594 Yeah, definitely. 209 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,680 So, then he gets to the third dog, [chuckles] 210 00:12:44,763 --> 00:12:50,644 and he's this big guy with the whole top of a garbage lid stuck around his head. 211 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,813 It's... really funny. 212 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,065 [Taystee sighs] 213 00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:01,238 Hey, you remember... [chuckles] Mr. G? 214 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,408 The manager, he used to watch those videos 215 00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:07,161 of soldiers coming home surprising their dogs. 216 00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:10,122 [laughs] Yeah, he used to watch them fuckin' videos and cry 217 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:14,043 instead of countin' out the register. Made closing up take forever. 218 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:18,047 See now, what I don't get is why he never got a dog. 219 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:20,216 He said he was waiting until he retired. 220 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:23,469 He died, by the way. 221 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:28,474 Got hit by a drunk driver in the drive-through. Mmm... 222 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,727 -Shit, that's sad. -[scoffs] Yeah. 223 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,438 He should've got a dog. 224 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,815 You can't put things off. 225 00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,823 [burps] 226 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:47,409 What? 227 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,286 How the hell are you so calm? 228 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:52,164 I dunno, caffeine's mellow for me, man. 229 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:56,043 Kinda like how, uh, Ritalin makes ADD kids sleepy. 230 00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:58,337 I'm not talking about coffee, ding-dong. 231 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:02,758 The last time we were in a prison, we were... you know. 232 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:06,011 Aren't you freaking the fuck out? 233 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:10,266 We have to face our demons. Satan needs to know he's not in charge. 234 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,310 What's your secret? You a weird Mormon, too? 235 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,562 Honestly... 236 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,817 I've been jerkin' it pretty much nonstop since I got home. 237 00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:24,321 It's like meditation, but with your hands. 238 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,115 "Hands"? 239 00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:27,324 "S..."? 240 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,785 Yeah. I mean, you gotta tickle the taint. 241 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,247 Blake, you know what I'm talking about, right, buddy? 242 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,206 [door opens] 243 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:38,168 [Alvarez] ...Friday at noon, though, honestly, by Thursday would be great, 244 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,920 because my algorithms and... 245 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,338 Hello. 246 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:43,215 [sighs] 247 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,633 Anybody care for a pretzel? 248 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,719 Good to see you, Luschek. 249 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:48,721 -[chuckles] -[Luschek chuckles sarcastically] 250 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,848 You must be McCullough and Blake. 251 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:54,101 Guys, these are the guards from the camp. Absolutely should be part of the League. 252 00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:57,396 Hop, this isn't exactly something for public purview here. 253 00:14:57,479 --> 00:15:00,232 Hey, these heroes shit in buckets for three days. 254 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,735 They're not about to go all PC bullshit on us. 255 00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:06,989 They're true blue. 256 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,575 Besides, last time I checked, 257 00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:11,911 more teams in the League, more money in the pot. 258 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,079 And when I'm gambling, I wanna win big. 259 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:19,335 Holy shit. Holy shit. Is this fuckin' Fantasy Inmate? 260 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:23,881 This was legend at camp. I didn't think it was real. 261 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,382 I didn't dare to hope, you know. 262 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,884 Real as rain. 263 00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:31,388 It's 100 bucks to play, and the draft is next Friday. 264 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:32,723 Yeah, I don't gamble. 265 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,141 I fuckin' knew it. 266 00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,602 I'm in. So is he. 267 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,271 Where's the draft party? 268 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,690 There's no party. We do an absentee ballot 269 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,860 that I collect and then I distribute the team lists on Sunday. 270 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:45,778 Well, that sucks. 271 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,405 Well, as League commissioner, 272 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,783 I can assure you that no one's had any complaints before. 273 00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:52,451 Don't get your panties all in a bunch. 274 00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,787 Just get some ballots for the new guys, okay? 275 00:15:57,331 --> 00:16:00,626 I gotta say. I have always wanted to gamble on human lives. 276 00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:03,879 -So this is just a... a dream come true. -[both chuckle] 277 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,509 [Badison] I like to keep it clean around here. 278 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:10,844 So get to cleaning, roomie. 279 00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:16,266 Hey, Snagglepuss? 280 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:22,022 I just got rid of one shit roommate. Really hoping I don't got another one. 281 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,818 [Piper] Look, you're the boss. 282 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,779 I'm not challenging you, okay? I just need a minute. 283 00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:31,240 [Badison] Oh. [chuckles] 284 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,866 I'm so sorry. 285 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:36,412 [chuckles] Is the new cookie crumbling already? 286 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,957 Get the fuck up and clean. 287 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:44,837 I'm not asking you to understand or give me a break. 288 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:48,424 I'm just goin' through some shit, okay? 289 00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:51,301 Like what? 290 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,014 Hey. 291 00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,517 I'm trying to be understanding, 292 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,395 but, uh, you gotta communicate for me to understand. 293 00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,315 [Badison sighs] 294 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:12,740 Is this about that chick that you were looking for in medical? 295 00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:15,325 Was she your girlfriend? 296 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:19,496 -My fiancée. -You still haven't found her? 297 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,878 I think that she might be dead. 298 00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,843 Tell you what. [sighs] 299 00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:34,219 [chuckles softly] 300 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:39,433 You got ten minutes to cry this shit out, and then you get up, 301 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,770 -and you clean this place up nice. -[sighs] 302 00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,482 We've all had fiancés die. 303 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,321 Nut up, buttercup. 304 00:17:58,452 --> 00:17:59,453 [Dixon] Okay. 305 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,415 So Playland opens up in half an hour. I don't wanna miss any rides 306 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,918 'cause you two got caught up in your clothes shopping. 307 00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:10,422 Not like I'm trying to buy a cute top. I'm trying to buy a disguise, remember? 308 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,926 Do you realize there's, like, cameras everywhere at amusement parks? 309 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,595 In lieu of, like, the souvenirs and the childnappings. 310 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,847 Like, I can't go looking like me. 311 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,225 -We'll be quick, I promise. -Okay. 312 00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:23,894 But then we're out the door and in the car in 20 minutes. 313 00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:24,853 Okay, Dad. 314 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:30,442 You gotta be nicer to him. 315 00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:34,363 I'm trying, okay? But he weirds me out. 316 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,532 Like, how do we even know we can trust him? 317 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:39,034 If he wanted to turn us in, he would've done it already. 318 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:43,205 All right? Now, you heard him. He wants to talk about his feelings 319 00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,791 or face our demons together or something, okay? 320 00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:47,876 You just gotta be smooth until we can cut him loose. 321 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,002 -Okay? -Okay. 322 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:52,131 This place has tons of Halloween costumes. What about this one? 323 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:56,218 You know, nurses wear those in pornos, not in real life. 324 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,428 -But still, that's a good eye. -[sighs] 325 00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,222 Really good eye there, buddy. 326 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:02,766 Hold on a second. 327 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:06,395 He doesn't think I'm down for, like, a threesome, right? 328 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,438 -Neither am I. -Okay. 329 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:11,608 -At least not a devil's threesome. -[Dixon chuckles] How about this one? 330 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:15,863 [chuckles] Yeah. 'Cause no one would notice me at an amusement park in that. 331 00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:20,826 But, hey. Good... Good thinking. 332 00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:23,162 You're funny. That is a creative thought. 333 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,831 -You're hilarious, actually. -[laughing] 334 00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:29,710 -This one's a little girl. -That's a little girl? 335 00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:33,338 Uh, you mean a skanky Dorothy from a slutty Wizard of Oz? 336 00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,008 I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you. 337 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:39,261 I'm just pissed because Halloween ain't about candy anymore. 338 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,722 It's just an excuse for girls to get naked. 339 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:45,434 It's okay, though. I have an idea. Be right back. 340 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,352 -Excuse me. -Hurry up, okay? 341 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:51,481 Did you know that when Judy Garland was in The Wizard of Oz, 342 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,942 and she was playing a 10-year-old, she was really 39? 343 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,904 [chuckles] No, she wasn't. She was 17. 344 00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:59,948 That's really weird. I wonder where I got 39 from. 345 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:03,535 Maybe 'cause that's the average number of weeks for human gestation. 346 00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,787 -[clears throat] -Yeah, that could be it. 347 00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:09,750 This is Ad Seg. It's the, uh, lighter side of SHU. 348 00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:13,170 You might actually see some familiar faces in here awaiting trial. 349 00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:16,381 Hey, uh... Hey, um, I've been thinking about this. 350 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:20,260 You need to have a draft party to kick off a fantasy league. 351 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:22,888 Eh, for morale. League unity. 352 00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:25,891 Look, I'd love it, but Alvarez, he already gets overwhelmed, 353 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:27,809 so it's probably better not to. 354 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,729 Totally, totally. Al seems awesome. 355 00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:36,568 Uh, well, let me ask you, what kinda thing should I be looking for in a draft pick? 356 00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:40,739 Well, you get solid points for a concussion, 357 00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:44,534 a fight with scratching, a fight with hair pulling. Gouging. 358 00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:46,119 [laughing] 359 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,413 So it's good to get a fighter? 360 00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:51,291 Sure, or somebody that people like to beat up. 361 00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,960 -[chuckles] -Then there's other things. 362 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:56,088 Like an inmate who's sober then relapses, that's double points. 363 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,800 And you know what? Some of the new inmates might come in handy. 364 00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:06,723 Uh, yeah, I actually don't know 'em all that well, so... 365 00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:09,643 -I try to keep a professional distance. -Hmm. 366 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,844 [indistinct chatter] 367 00:21:55,355 --> 00:22:00,360 Vause, C102. Cabrera, C205, upstairs. 368 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,656 I never lived somewhere that had an upstairs before. 369 00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:07,534 Really moving on up. 370 00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:12,247 I wouldn't even work in your piece of shit grocery store 371 00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,666 if you got on your knees and begged me to! 372 00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:16,835 [sighs] I'm sorry, ma'am. It's not up to me. 373 00:22:16,918 --> 00:22:18,920 The company has a strict policy about-- 374 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:21,173 Don't you tell me shit about shit. 375 00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:26,053 Oh, you'll hire that Down Syndrome motherfucker but not me? 376 00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:28,638 -He's just old. -Get the fuck out my face. 377 00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:31,975 It's just... I don't think that you paid for that bottle of water. 378 00:22:32,809 --> 00:22:34,311 I brought it with me! 379 00:22:34,978 --> 00:22:37,272 Fair enough. Have a good day. 380 00:22:39,274 --> 00:22:43,862 You've got a great voice, very powerful. It matches your whole presence. 381 00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:47,783 Yo, I don't know what you selling, but I ain't buying shit, okay? 382 00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:48,867 'Course not. 383 00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:52,412 These are weight loss supplements, and you clearly have a fantastic body. 384 00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:54,122 You're like a walking after picture. 385 00:22:55,165 --> 00:22:58,126 You know why that idiot store manager wouldn't hire you? 386 00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:03,215 Yeah... 'cause of my record, which I gotta tell them about. 387 00:23:03,298 --> 00:23:06,510 It's because he knew he could never be the boss of you. 388 00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:09,262 Weak leaders hire weak workers. 389 00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:13,558 Yeah, well, I better find a strong-ass leader soon, 'cause I need a J-O-B. 390 00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:14,768 Oh, I've been there. 391 00:23:14,851 --> 00:23:16,728 When I first started working for Nutri Herbal, 392 00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:19,606 it was just while my kids were at school to make some extra cash. 393 00:23:19,689 --> 00:23:23,235 But then, I started making six grand a month, part-time. 394 00:23:24,569 --> 00:23:25,612 Six grand? 395 00:23:26,446 --> 00:23:27,948 To start off with, sure. 396 00:23:28,031 --> 00:23:30,367 But there's no telling how high it could go. 397 00:23:30,450 --> 00:23:32,327 You wanna try a shake? It's delicious. 398 00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:38,667 Your earrings are fabulous. 399 00:23:39,292 --> 00:23:40,293 Thank you. 400 00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:45,423 You got this in a cookies and cream flavor? 401 00:23:56,476 --> 00:23:58,520 Excuse me, can you help me find my cell? 402 00:24:00,438 --> 00:24:01,773 Ow! Fuck! 403 00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:04,776 Alex. 404 00:24:05,986 --> 00:24:07,279 I'm sorry, do I know you? 405 00:24:07,362 --> 00:24:09,823 I suffered a head injury. Things are a little fuzzy. 406 00:24:09,906 --> 00:24:11,908 It's me. 407 00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:14,286 I'm your fiancée. 408 00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:15,537 I'm gay? 409 00:24:17,497 --> 00:24:18,748 [laughs] 410 00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:21,042 -Fuck you, you fucking bitch! -Stop. 411 00:24:21,668 --> 00:24:23,378 I thought that you were dead. 412 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,132 I thought they killed you. 413 00:24:29,467 --> 00:24:30,969 Yeah, I'm definitely gay. 414 00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:33,805 [Ginger] Hey. 415 00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:37,601 No kissy-facey, no touchy-touchy. This is not prom, ladies. 416 00:24:51,573 --> 00:24:53,783 -Tasha Jefferson? -Yes? 417 00:24:53,867 --> 00:24:57,120 Hi, how are ya? I'm Sue Gillan, public defender. 418 00:24:58,246 --> 00:25:02,125 Uh, let's review your options here, shall we? 419 00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:05,253 Uh, I thought I was supposed to be talkin' to the investigators. 420 00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:07,964 Nobody asked me anything about what happened, 421 00:25:08,048 --> 00:25:09,674 or what I was doing or nothin'. 422 00:25:09,758 --> 00:25:11,134 They don't need to. 423 00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:17,098 The US Attorney has gathered enough information to charge you with... [sighs] 424 00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:20,352 organizing the riot at Litchfield camp, 425 00:25:20,435 --> 00:25:24,731 and the second degree murder of CO Desi Piscatella. 426 00:25:25,732 --> 00:25:26,858 What? 427 00:25:29,319 --> 00:25:30,695 I didn't kill him. 428 00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:33,615 [stutters] I didn't even know he was dead. 429 00:25:33,698 --> 00:25:36,910 That's how much I didn't kill him. That's crazy! 430 00:25:36,993 --> 00:25:40,538 They have evidence and witness testimony saying that you did. 431 00:25:42,582 --> 00:25:44,501 I understand that you're upset. 432 00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:47,420 But I didn't do anything. 433 00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:50,799 [stutters] I wanted to, I could have, but I didn't. 434 00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:52,092 It doesn't matter. 435 00:25:53,051 --> 00:25:55,887 It probably feels like it should, but I'm telling you that it doesn't. 436 00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:58,765 All that really matters is that this whole riot 437 00:25:58,848 --> 00:26:01,101 has been an embarrassment for the governor, 438 00:26:01,184 --> 00:26:03,812 and the US Attorney is looking at this to make a name for himself. 439 00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:07,607 Okay. [stutters] So what are you saying? 440 00:26:07,691 --> 00:26:11,736 As your attorney, I am strongly advising that you do not take this to trial. 441 00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:14,948 [stutters] I don't know what kind of plea deal I can get for you, 442 00:26:15,031 --> 00:26:18,410 but the one thing you have going for you is their desire to contain this. 443 00:26:18,493 --> 00:26:22,247 The fuck, yo? I didn't murder anyone! 444 00:26:22,330 --> 00:26:25,083 Tasha, this is so much bigger than you. 445 00:26:25,166 --> 00:26:28,253 A lot of eyes are watching to see how this plays out. 446 00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:29,170 Look. 447 00:26:31,047 --> 00:26:33,591 -[sighs] -This came out today. 448 00:26:33,675 --> 00:26:36,094 And the more press this gets, 449 00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:39,889 the more pressure they're under to bury you. 450 00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:43,184 The only thing worse than being the scapegoat 451 00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:45,603 is being a scapegoat with a crowd watching. 452 00:26:49,441 --> 00:26:52,277 Hi, Mom. I need to talk to you about something important. 453 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:55,113 Oh, what's that, Yuri? You saw a terrible movie? 454 00:26:55,196 --> 00:26:57,449 Oh, yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 455 00:26:57,532 --> 00:27:03,288 The one where Blondie and Octopus Tattoo and Bubble Butt and the feral Dominicana 456 00:27:03,371 --> 00:27:05,332 were all traitorous pizdas! 457 00:27:05,415 --> 00:27:08,335 That's "cunt" in Russian, Yuri. In case you didn't know. 458 00:27:08,418 --> 00:27:12,630 Wait, mom, mom. Hey, slow down, all right? I only get one call in here, 459 00:27:12,714 --> 00:27:17,093 so I need you to listen and focus beyond your rage. 460 00:27:17,177 --> 00:27:20,638 Movie could have been so much better if the daughter had only spoken up, 461 00:27:20,722 --> 00:27:23,558 said the shit monster giant had showed up on his own. 462 00:27:23,641 --> 00:27:26,561 Because this script is filled with contradictions. 463 00:27:26,644 --> 00:27:29,731 And with the daughter doing the right and true thing, 464 00:27:29,814 --> 00:27:34,486 the traitorous pizda cunts would all look like liars! In the movie. 465 00:27:34,569 --> 00:27:39,657 Hey, could you keep down the spoilers? I may want to see this movie someday. 466 00:27:39,741 --> 00:27:40,658 I don't know. 467 00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:44,913 Perhaps Mr. Terry Gilliam. Has he made a new movie? 468 00:27:44,996 --> 00:27:48,458 Mom, it is more complicated than that. 469 00:27:48,541 --> 00:27:51,169 But Yuri, why are you defending them? 470 00:27:51,252 --> 00:27:53,630 To me, now they are dead. 471 00:27:53,713 --> 00:27:57,926 They're ghosts. Ghosts that should die again with pain. 472 00:27:58,009 --> 00:27:59,344 Damn it, Mom. 473 00:27:59,427 --> 00:28:03,973 I am looking at 70 years on trumped-up drug charges. 474 00:28:04,057 --> 00:28:06,267 -What? -Yeah. 475 00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:10,021 Unless I tell them about you bringing him there. 476 00:28:10,105 --> 00:28:13,233 Keeping him hostage. You know, the truth. 477 00:28:15,944 --> 00:28:16,945 Mom? 478 00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:19,864 Come on. Please. 479 00:28:24,285 --> 00:28:27,163 Okay, so what? So I guess I'm a ghost now, too? 480 00:28:29,916 --> 00:28:32,627 "...from so far. The Torah portion..." 481 00:28:36,589 --> 00:28:39,509 What's up with the shiksa hair? 482 00:28:40,218 --> 00:28:41,553 I thought this was a Bat Mitzvah, 483 00:28:41,636 --> 00:28:44,222 not a country club assimilation rally. Let me see. 484 00:28:44,305 --> 00:28:47,142 I think it looks great. Very Gwyneth Paltrow. 485 00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:52,105 Why'd you take out the talking ass bit? You know, it's literally in the Bible. 486 00:28:54,274 --> 00:28:58,111 Oh, Jesus. I can smell your mother all over this speech. 487 00:28:58,194 --> 00:28:59,195 This may look horrifying, 488 00:28:59,279 --> 00:29:01,448 but you should know that he control freaks from love. 489 00:29:01,531 --> 00:29:05,493 Yeah, I'm the control freak. Look what that woman did to her head. 490 00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,245 I wish my hair looked like yours. 491 00:29:08,872 --> 00:29:10,665 You didn't even thank Pamela. 492 00:29:15,044 --> 00:29:18,131 [praying in Hebrew] 493 00:29:33,146 --> 00:29:35,648 [all] Amen. 494 00:29:59,339 --> 00:30:02,967 "Welcome to those of you who have traveled from so far. 495 00:30:03,051 --> 00:30:05,136 Even from below 14th Street. 496 00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:06,471 [all laugh] 497 00:30:06,554 --> 00:30:10,558 The Torah portion I read told the story of Balaam, the pagan prophet, 498 00:30:10,642 --> 00:30:13,186 and teaches us..." 499 00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,650 [indistinct murmurs] 500 00:30:23,571 --> 00:30:25,990 Basically, he was supposed to curse the Jews 501 00:30:26,074 --> 00:30:29,536 because surprise, surprise, everyone always hates the Jews. 502 00:30:29,619 --> 00:30:30,912 [all chuckle] 503 00:30:31,871 --> 00:30:36,125 That's how I know I'm definitely Jewish. Even my own parents hate me. 504 00:30:36,918 --> 00:30:42,131 I mean, they love me. They'd just love me more if I wasn't me. 505 00:30:43,550 --> 00:30:45,677 So Balaam's riding an ass... 506 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,095 [all laugh] 507 00:30:48,388 --> 00:30:51,683 ...and God sends down an angel, but only the donkey sees it, 508 00:30:51,766 --> 00:30:55,270 which makes Balaam whip him a bunch until he finally says, 509 00:30:55,353 --> 00:30:57,689 "Knock it off. There's an angel there." 510 00:30:58,648 --> 00:31:02,193 So I guess the lesson is God can make a donkey talk? 511 00:31:03,236 --> 00:31:05,363 But what I wanna know is 512 00:31:05,446 --> 00:31:08,116 why did God let the donkey get whipped a bunch 513 00:31:08,199 --> 00:31:10,910 until he finally gave him the power of speech? 514 00:31:11,786 --> 00:31:13,288 [scoffs] I mean, whatever. 515 00:31:13,371 --> 00:31:16,666 God also let six million Jews die in the Holocaust. 516 00:31:16,749 --> 00:31:19,252 So he might just be phoning things in at this point. 517 00:31:20,461 --> 00:31:22,714 You know about phoning things in, right, Dad? 518 00:31:22,797 --> 00:31:26,259 I mean, not with your whole career, of course. 519 00:31:26,342 --> 00:31:30,555 This is the first Saturday my dad hasn't had to go to work in six years. 520 00:31:32,223 --> 00:31:35,518 And the custody agreement is that he has me on Saturdays. 521 00:31:35,602 --> 00:31:37,395 [people gasping] 522 00:31:37,478 --> 00:31:40,064 You know what I'm saying, right, Mom? 523 00:31:41,232 --> 00:31:45,069 Oh, you don't? Because you never listen to me? 524 00:31:47,155 --> 00:31:51,409 The thing is, I actually like this Torah portion. 525 00:31:51,492 --> 00:31:54,704 Because I'm the ass, and I can finally talk. 526 00:31:55,455 --> 00:31:57,248 So here's what I want to know. 527 00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:02,587 Why is it so important to God that you honor your mother and father... 528 00:32:03,796 --> 00:32:06,424 when they really don't give a shit about you? 529 00:32:07,425 --> 00:32:09,135 [indistinct murmurs] 530 00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:17,894 [man over stereo] The key to selling Nutri Herbal isn't selling, it's seeing. 531 00:32:17,977 --> 00:32:21,606 What do you think most people think when they see a potential customer? 532 00:32:21,689 --> 00:32:22,607 Dummy. 533 00:32:22,690 --> 00:32:24,275 Right, customer. 534 00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:26,653 But at Nutri Herbal, we see potential. 535 00:32:26,736 --> 00:32:31,491 No matter what their circumstance, people have the potential for greatness. 536 00:32:31,574 --> 00:32:33,409 -Do you believe that? -Hell, no. 537 00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:34,327 Good! 538 00:32:34,410 --> 00:32:37,789 Now let's get your potential customer to believe it, too. 539 00:32:37,872 --> 00:32:39,707 Believe it, achieve it. 540 00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:42,293 And they can achieve it with Nutri Herbal. 541 00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:43,962 Start with a compliment. 542 00:32:44,045 --> 00:32:47,924 If you don't know what else to say, try, "You have a great voice." 543 00:32:48,007 --> 00:32:51,302 "You have a powerful presence." "Great earrings." 544 00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:53,429 Fucking cabrona. 545 00:32:53,513 --> 00:32:56,516 Remember, it's about seeing, so be in tune with their body. 546 00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:02,063 [in Spanish] Baby, I've been so worried. 547 00:33:02,146 --> 00:33:04,899 I stood outside during the riot, 548 00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:06,776 they wouldn't tell us anything. 549 00:33:07,652 --> 00:33:08,861 I love you so much. 550 00:33:10,530 --> 00:33:11,948 Diablo. 551 00:33:14,742 --> 00:33:17,495 If I could fuck you right now, I would. 552 00:33:18,454 --> 00:33:20,790 First, I would take you in my mouth, 553 00:33:20,873 --> 00:33:25,753 every bit of you, suck you dry. 554 00:33:26,587 --> 00:33:28,715 [sighs] I want more. 555 00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:30,758 I'm getting there. 556 00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:33,970 After I suck you off, I start to rub my wet pussy all over your chest. 557 00:33:34,053 --> 00:33:39,017 No, no. I mean I want more, like marriage, kids, everything. 558 00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:41,477 [in English] I want it with you. 559 00:33:41,561 --> 00:33:47,150 [in Spanish] Give me a second to change gears here, okay? 560 00:33:48,317 --> 00:33:51,362 [sighs] You know this is how I deal with stress. 561 00:33:51,446 --> 00:33:57,952 I know it's fucked up in here for you, but it's getting real fucked up outside. 562 00:33:58,036 --> 00:34:01,039 [in English] Immigration is doing raids all the fucking time. 563 00:34:01,122 --> 00:34:04,417 [in Spanish] Guys I've been doing yard work with are getting deported. 564 00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:06,586 Like, one day they're here, then they're gone. 565 00:34:06,669 --> 00:34:08,546 But you have a green card. 566 00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:12,133 Yes, but that shit expired and it's taking forever to renew. 567 00:34:12,216 --> 00:34:14,594 [in English] I don't give a fuck about no red tape. 568 00:34:14,677 --> 00:34:17,597 [in Spanish] What if you get out and I'm not here? 569 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,474 That's not gonna happen. 570 00:34:19,557 --> 00:34:23,394 [in English] I didn't even get any extra time added. That's a sign. 571 00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:26,773 [in Spanish] I'm going to get out, and we're going to be together. 572 00:34:27,732 --> 00:34:30,902 I want you to have my baby. 573 00:34:33,237 --> 00:34:34,405 I want to suck you off, 574 00:34:34,489 --> 00:34:37,325 but then leave that tip a little wet so I can get me a baby. 575 00:34:37,408 --> 00:34:38,993 [chuckles softly] 576 00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:41,412 You're going to be such a wonderful mother. 577 00:35:00,723 --> 00:35:03,726 [in English] Oh, my God. What the fuck happened to you? 578 00:35:05,144 --> 00:35:07,230 I fell down some stairs. 579 00:35:07,313 --> 00:35:08,147 Yo. 580 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,859 If some bitch tries to step up, you can't back down. 581 00:35:11,943 --> 00:35:14,821 Would you please stop telling me what to do, okay? 582 00:35:15,446 --> 00:35:16,447 Fine. 583 00:35:19,575 --> 00:35:23,204 Can I at least ask what's happening with the trial? 584 00:35:24,038 --> 00:35:26,874 I took a plea. Second degree murder. 585 00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:27,959 What? 586 00:35:28,584 --> 00:35:29,919 Why would you do that? 587 00:35:30,628 --> 00:35:32,296 You can't give up like that. 588 00:35:33,297 --> 00:35:35,174 You were provoked. 589 00:35:35,258 --> 00:35:36,968 You got that postpartum shit. 590 00:35:37,051 --> 00:35:40,179 If I went to trial, I could've gotten the death penalty. 591 00:35:40,263 --> 00:35:41,180 So I took life. 592 00:35:41,264 --> 00:35:44,517 And I figured if I was in gen pop, the guards would stop beating on me. 593 00:35:46,435 --> 00:35:47,436 Have they? 594 00:35:48,521 --> 00:35:50,940 No. But it's less. 595 00:35:51,732 --> 00:35:53,943 More people around to keep them busy. 596 00:35:59,866 --> 00:36:01,367 You're never getting out. 597 00:36:05,788 --> 00:36:07,331 Outside sucks anyway. 598 00:36:10,418 --> 00:36:13,921 Your hair looks great. Like, real thick. 599 00:36:15,006 --> 00:36:16,841 My Little Pony thick. 600 00:36:20,011 --> 00:36:21,679 You're so beautiful. 601 00:36:22,930 --> 00:36:25,433 [sniffs] And you have potential. 602 00:36:25,516 --> 00:36:28,102 You can be the greatest you that you can be. 603 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:29,896 -Believe it, achieve it. -All right. 604 00:36:29,979 --> 00:36:32,440 No, that's bullshit. We hardly talked! 605 00:36:33,649 --> 00:36:34,650 Don't touch her! 606 00:36:34,734 --> 00:36:35,902 Hey, shut up! Let's go. 607 00:36:35,985 --> 00:36:37,320 [panting] 608 00:36:37,403 --> 00:36:39,947 You think you're a big fucking man now? Beating up on girls? 609 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:41,240 I said shut up! 610 00:36:41,324 --> 00:36:45,244 Oh, you gonna put hands on me? I'm not an inmate. I got rights now. 611 00:36:45,328 --> 00:36:48,039 Plus, I just had a spirulina smoothie, so let's go. 612 00:36:48,122 --> 00:36:51,667 -Yeah? -Hellman, step down. Look, I got this. 613 00:36:52,251 --> 00:36:54,545 Yeah, step down. Gato pendejo! 614 00:36:54,629 --> 00:36:58,132 -What'd you say, bitch? -Hey, hey, hey. Hey! Back off! 615 00:37:01,677 --> 00:37:05,389 I am so sorry for his behavior. That's... That's no way to talk to a lady. 616 00:37:05,473 --> 00:37:07,642 It's Aleida, stupid. 617 00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:09,560 Well, that is a beautiful name. 618 00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:11,812 Uh, I'm Rick Hopper. [chuckles softly] 619 00:37:11,896 --> 00:37:16,025 Uh, can I get you a cold beverage? Maybe walk you to your car? 620 00:37:21,489 --> 00:37:22,782 [Aleida sighs] 621 00:37:23,449 --> 00:37:24,659 [coin clatters] 622 00:37:34,627 --> 00:37:37,838 -You look like you work out. -Oh. [chuckles] 623 00:37:37,922 --> 00:37:39,340 I dabble in CrossFit. 624 00:37:40,049 --> 00:37:41,550 You try supplements? 625 00:37:41,634 --> 00:37:43,719 It would really help you with your potential. 626 00:37:43,803 --> 00:37:45,137 Get to the next level. 627 00:37:46,305 --> 00:37:47,890 [pellets popping] 628 00:37:52,228 --> 00:37:55,356 Hell, yeah! Eat shit, ducks! 629 00:37:55,439 --> 00:37:56,816 [grunting] 630 00:37:57,525 --> 00:37:58,734 Ah-ha! 631 00:37:59,902 --> 00:38:01,362 So what was she in for, anyway? 632 00:38:03,531 --> 00:38:04,991 I don't know exactly. 633 00:38:06,284 --> 00:38:08,786 Sounds like you two have a real soul connection. 634 00:38:10,204 --> 00:38:11,914 We talk about other stuff. 635 00:38:12,999 --> 00:38:14,083 I get it. 636 00:38:16,210 --> 00:38:17,378 So where'd you do it? 637 00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:23,676 The laundry room? Showers? One of them van rides? 638 00:38:23,759 --> 00:38:27,555 Look, man, that's, uh... That's... That's really personal. 639 00:38:28,347 --> 00:38:29,807 My bad. 640 00:38:30,599 --> 00:38:34,270 No, it's just the power dynamics between me and her 641 00:38:34,353 --> 00:38:37,106 were really messed up in the beginning, that's all. 642 00:38:37,898 --> 00:38:40,735 -I get it. Power stuff. -Mmm-hmm. 643 00:38:40,818 --> 00:38:42,695 -She tie you up? -What? 644 00:38:42,778 --> 00:38:45,990 Are you kidding? No. Fuck, man. 645 00:38:46,073 --> 00:38:50,661 When you say shit like that... [stutters] it's disrespectful. 646 00:38:51,370 --> 00:38:52,538 Sorry. 647 00:38:53,664 --> 00:38:54,832 Sorry. 648 00:38:54,915 --> 00:38:56,375 For what it's worth, I... 649 00:38:56,459 --> 00:38:59,628 I like to be blindfolded every once in a while. That's all I was sayin'. 650 00:39:01,589 --> 00:39:02,548 Look what I won! 651 00:39:02,631 --> 00:39:04,592 -Nice job! -[Pennsatucky chuckles] 652 00:39:04,675 --> 00:39:06,552 Nailed it. [chuckles] 653 00:39:07,511 --> 00:39:10,139 It kinda looks like Dixon. Look. 654 00:39:11,057 --> 00:39:12,266 Make that face. 655 00:39:14,477 --> 00:39:16,103 -Twins! -Yeah. 656 00:39:16,187 --> 00:39:17,730 I'm gonna call him Baby Dix. 657 00:39:17,813 --> 00:39:21,067 -All right. -[all chuckle] 658 00:40:09,448 --> 00:40:12,076 -What's wrong? -I need you to do me a favor. 659 00:40:12,159 --> 00:40:14,286 I can't do anything for you. You know that. 660 00:40:14,370 --> 00:40:17,123 I just need you to get a message to a person. All right? 661 00:40:17,206 --> 00:40:19,083 -[sighs] -Come on, Tamika. 662 00:40:19,166 --> 00:40:24,422 If you was ever my friend, please do this for me. 663 00:40:26,590 --> 00:40:27,758 [sighs] 664 00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:41,480 [Zirconia laughing] 665 00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:46,902 Your mouth is so jacked up. You gonna get caps? 666 00:40:46,986 --> 00:40:49,321 No, I haven't actually been able to make an appointment 667 00:40:49,405 --> 00:40:50,573 with my prosthodontist, so... 668 00:40:50,656 --> 00:40:51,532 Your what? 669 00:40:51,615 --> 00:40:52,700 I think it's cute. 670 00:40:53,367 --> 00:40:55,661 I've always wanted a girlfriend in a jug band. 671 00:40:56,996 --> 00:40:59,540 Sorry, fiancée in a jug band. 672 00:41:00,624 --> 00:41:03,502 So where did they take you guys, anyway? 673 00:41:03,586 --> 00:41:06,881 All of us that were too injured for basic prison duct-tape doctoring 674 00:41:06,964 --> 00:41:08,966 were brought to a real hospital. 675 00:41:09,049 --> 00:41:11,552 Also, really handcuffed to our beds. 676 00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:14,221 But at least we didn't get extra time. 677 00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:17,308 Except for Rocky Face. She got eternal time in the afterlife. 678 00:41:17,892 --> 00:41:19,268 Yeah, Kukudio died. 679 00:41:20,352 --> 00:41:22,021 That was the inmate who died. 680 00:41:22,104 --> 00:41:24,148 Bet they went closed casket on that funeral. 681 00:41:24,231 --> 00:41:28,736 Then I got surgery on my shoulder, and then a surgery to fix that surgery... 682 00:41:28,819 --> 00:41:31,447 -Mmm-hmm. -All thanks to that prick, Piscatella. 683 00:41:32,406 --> 00:41:35,409 Well, Piscatella's dead, so you win, I guess. 684 00:41:36,035 --> 00:41:38,787 Maybe the afterlife is this amazing place, 685 00:41:38,871 --> 00:41:41,457 and we're all idiots for trying so hard to stay alive. 686 00:41:41,540 --> 00:41:44,585 -What? -What? Nobody knows what really happens. 687 00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:46,086 Who killed Piscatella? 688 00:41:47,171 --> 00:41:49,673 One of the ladies still stuck in Ad Seg, I guess. 689 00:41:55,137 --> 00:41:56,263 You okay? 690 00:41:58,766 --> 00:42:01,352 His dick was huge. 691 00:42:01,435 --> 00:42:04,271 I said, "Hey, I wanted to fuck a pipe like that, 692 00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:07,358 I would've gone over to my stepdad's." [chuckles] 693 00:42:07,441 --> 00:42:08,817 Ugh. That's gross. 694 00:42:08,901 --> 00:42:11,362 My stepdad's a plumber. Get it? 695 00:42:11,445 --> 00:42:14,698 Second you made us think of incest, your funny was dead. 696 00:42:23,666 --> 00:42:24,959 I said stepdad. 697 00:42:25,042 --> 00:42:26,961 It's a fail. Let it go. 698 00:42:27,044 --> 00:42:28,712 Now, what do you got for me? 699 00:42:30,339 --> 00:42:34,051 [sighs] I found Frieda. She just got out of Ad Seg. 700 00:42:34,134 --> 00:42:35,678 Not sure where she got assigned yet. 701 00:42:35,761 --> 00:42:37,680 Bitch skated into Florida. 702 00:42:38,764 --> 00:42:40,224 Got any info I don't already know? 703 00:42:42,268 --> 00:42:44,061 Then you still got jack shit. 704 00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:46,689 Guess you broke that arm for nothing, huh? 705 00:42:47,940 --> 00:42:49,108 Now, that's funny. 706 00:42:50,401 --> 00:42:51,402 Ladies? 707 00:42:53,070 --> 00:42:54,488 That's it? 708 00:42:54,572 --> 00:42:58,450 Unless you magically learned how to play bridge well, then yeah, that's it. 709 00:43:11,088 --> 00:43:14,466 I thought that you were dead, I thought that it was Red's fault. 710 00:43:14,550 --> 00:43:17,928 I didn't know. You were gone. Oh, my God, poor Red. 711 00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:21,932 Listen, Red is a big, tough girl. [chuckles softly] 712 00:43:22,016 --> 00:43:23,392 She's gonna be fine. 713 00:43:23,475 --> 00:43:25,519 Twinsies! [laughs] 714 00:43:26,645 --> 00:43:30,107 Looks like you either got over your fiancée real fast, 715 00:43:30,190 --> 00:43:33,819 or she has risen. [exclaims] 716 00:43:33,902 --> 00:43:36,572 -[chuckles] -Thank you for your concern. 717 00:43:36,655 --> 00:43:37,781 I love love. 718 00:43:38,490 --> 00:43:44,204 Hey, hey, uh, considering you two have been separated for so long, 719 00:43:44,288 --> 00:43:47,416 maybe you want to be in the cell right next to me and Gapman? 720 00:43:47,499 --> 00:43:48,334 Please don't. 721 00:43:48,417 --> 00:43:51,003 -You don't have to do that. -No. No problemo. Akers! 722 00:43:51,837 --> 00:43:53,839 I got mad juice around here. 723 00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:59,136 Baby girl, I need you to apply for a cell swap with Glasses over here. 724 00:43:59,219 --> 00:44:01,639 What, for real? Badison, that's bullshit. 725 00:44:02,264 --> 00:44:03,891 Are you saying no? 726 00:44:04,767 --> 00:44:06,769 It's just, I like living right next to you. 727 00:44:06,852 --> 00:44:08,103 Come on, don't be like that. 728 00:44:10,773 --> 00:44:14,568 [scoffs] Fine. I'll go make the request. 729 00:44:16,028 --> 00:44:17,071 [Badison] Good girl. 730 00:44:21,283 --> 00:44:23,661 I'm like fuckin' Oprah around here. 731 00:44:23,744 --> 00:44:26,413 Jesus fuck! That looks really painful. 732 00:44:27,206 --> 00:44:29,541 You been pickin' at the scabs up there? 733 00:44:30,125 --> 00:44:32,503 -I have not. They need to heal. -[sighs] 734 00:44:32,586 --> 00:44:35,964 Oh, I'd just be pickin', pickin' at 'em all the time. 735 00:44:36,674 --> 00:44:39,468 That's not who you are though, is it, Ms. Reznikov? 736 00:44:39,551 --> 00:44:40,678 Not impulsive. 737 00:44:41,762 --> 00:44:46,225 CO Piscatella on the other hand, he lost control. 738 00:44:47,309 --> 00:44:50,562 Why did he scalp you? What did you do to him? 739 00:44:52,106 --> 00:44:55,901 Do you always ask the victim what their attacker was thinking? 740 00:44:55,984 --> 00:44:58,612 When he's been shot dead, sure. 741 00:44:59,488 --> 00:45:01,115 Check the gun for fingerprints. 742 00:45:01,198 --> 00:45:04,034 -I never touched any gun. -[Nguyen] No, that's not your style. 743 00:45:04,118 --> 00:45:06,870 You tell other people what to do. You're a natural leader. 744 00:45:07,663 --> 00:45:10,624 You lured CO Piscatella into your bunker, held him hostage 745 00:45:10,707 --> 00:45:12,459 and ordered your followers to kill him. 746 00:45:12,543 --> 00:45:14,294 No, I did not. No. 747 00:45:14,378 --> 00:45:17,631 What? No to the kidnapping? Or no to ordering the hit? 748 00:45:18,465 --> 00:45:20,801 You didn't kill him directly, fine. Give us some names then. 749 00:45:20,884 --> 00:45:23,345 What? Jefferson? That old killer, Berlin? 750 00:45:24,263 --> 00:45:26,557 I have no names for you. 751 00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:29,643 They were there. They followed you down there, didn't they? 752 00:45:29,726 --> 00:45:31,478 They'd follow you anywhere. 753 00:45:34,398 --> 00:45:36,442 You need to help us so we can help you. 754 00:45:37,568 --> 00:45:41,029 Do you really wanna die in prison, Ms. Reznikov? 755 00:45:48,871 --> 00:45:51,832 Now I see what you do to people. 756 00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:56,128 [all screaming] 757 00:46:04,094 --> 00:46:08,223 ♪ If you show me how ♪ 758 00:46:10,851 --> 00:46:15,189 -♪ When you are around ♪ -[laughing] 759 00:46:17,024 --> 00:46:20,360 -[Coates] Whoo! -♪ I don't know what to do ♪ 760 00:46:21,069 --> 00:46:24,823 ♪ I don't know what to do When I'm with you ♪ 761 00:46:27,910 --> 00:46:31,997 ♪ You rant and rattle on ♪ 762 00:46:34,750 --> 00:46:37,336 ♪ I don't know what to do ♪ 763 00:46:38,086 --> 00:46:42,299 ♪ I don't know what to do When I'm with you ♪ 764 00:46:43,926 --> 00:46:45,803 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 765 00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:48,972 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 766 00:46:50,724 --> 00:46:52,684 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 767 00:46:54,102 --> 00:46:55,938 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 768 00:46:56,980 --> 00:47:00,108 Apparently, it was like three out of five. 769 00:47:00,192 --> 00:47:01,443 [both chuckle] 770 00:47:03,946 --> 00:47:05,656 -Faggots! -[Dixon] Whoa! 771 00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,158 -What'd you just say? -It's cool. 772 00:47:08,242 --> 00:47:10,869 I said faggots. Rhymes with maggots. 773 00:47:10,953 --> 00:47:12,079 Come on, man. Let's just go. 774 00:47:12,162 --> 00:47:15,457 You want me to say it louder so your faggy bear can hear it, too? 775 00:47:16,124 --> 00:47:17,459 What the fuck did you just say? 776 00:47:17,543 --> 00:47:19,503 Look, we weren't even talking to you. 777 00:47:19,586 --> 00:47:22,464 You were talking to my friends, which means you were talking to me. 778 00:47:22,548 --> 00:47:24,758 And those faggots over there... 779 00:47:24,842 --> 00:47:25,968 Their whole relationship, 780 00:47:26,051 --> 00:47:28,595 they've had to put up with people from the outside judging it. 781 00:47:28,679 --> 00:47:29,638 Or hiding it. 782 00:47:29,721 --> 00:47:31,181 Like getting through the complexities 783 00:47:31,265 --> 00:47:33,183 of maintaining a relationship ain't hard enough. 784 00:47:33,267 --> 00:47:36,103 Then they finally get a chance to get away from everything 785 00:47:36,478 --> 00:47:37,771 and have some fuckin' fun, 786 00:47:37,854 --> 00:47:40,816 and you gotta ruin it for 'em, you hate criminal. 787 00:47:40,899 --> 00:47:42,317 Whatever, man. 788 00:47:42,401 --> 00:47:43,986 No! Not whatever! 789 00:47:44,861 --> 00:47:46,655 Those faggots are my friends! 790 00:47:47,322 --> 00:47:48,490 Because when I told them, 791 00:47:48,574 --> 00:47:50,576 "Hey! I know we don't know each other that well..." 792 00:47:50,659 --> 00:47:52,786 Because how well can we ever really know one another 793 00:47:52,869 --> 00:47:56,832 when we're all just a collection of skin masks covering up our fears? 794 00:47:57,541 --> 00:47:58,542 I said to them, 795 00:47:59,209 --> 00:48:02,462 "Would it be cool if I came on your vacation getaway?" 796 00:48:04,423 --> 00:48:05,674 And they said, "Yes." 797 00:48:06,383 --> 00:48:08,135 So... So y'all can fuck? 798 00:48:08,218 --> 00:48:09,636 [chuckles] 799 00:48:10,345 --> 00:48:11,930 [grunts] 800 00:48:17,978 --> 00:48:18,979 Nice. 801 00:48:29,156 --> 00:48:30,699 Thank you so much, Tamika. 802 00:48:30,782 --> 00:48:32,200 It's CO Ward. 803 00:48:33,910 --> 00:48:36,705 And this is the only favor you ever get from me. 804 00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:59,436 I gotta say, I miss the lip sweater, but, uh, it's good to see that face. 805 00:49:00,145 --> 00:49:02,397 Taystee, what am I doing here? 806 00:49:07,110 --> 00:49:10,822 [sighs] They're trying to make me the scapegoat for the riot. 807 00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:14,409 They're sayin' that I killed Piscatella. 808 00:49:15,077 --> 00:49:16,078 Did you? 809 00:49:17,496 --> 00:49:18,872 How could you say that? 810 00:49:19,498 --> 00:49:23,001 You was with me for most of the riot. I was trying to make real change. 811 00:49:23,085 --> 00:49:24,670 We could have had real change. 812 00:49:25,253 --> 00:49:26,713 You wanted revenge more. 813 00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:31,301 I wanted justice. That is not the same thing as revenge. 814 00:49:32,636 --> 00:49:37,140 I saw this article about that other riot, and they put Poussey's name in the paper. 815 00:49:37,224 --> 00:49:39,142 Maybe we did make real change. 816 00:49:39,226 --> 00:49:43,522 Okay. Look, Taystee, what do you want me to do? 817 00:49:44,439 --> 00:49:45,982 I'm on suspension. 818 00:49:46,066 --> 00:49:50,612 Nobody wants to hear shit from the pissant warden who let a riot start. 819 00:49:50,696 --> 00:49:53,407 My public defender is saying 820 00:49:53,490 --> 00:49:58,286 that I am going to be locked up for the rest of my life. 821 00:49:59,579 --> 00:50:02,624 I'm scared, Mr. Caputo. 822 00:50:03,417 --> 00:50:06,837 -And I need your help. Please. -[sighs] 823 00:50:07,754 --> 00:50:10,340 You know I ain't got nobody else. 824 00:50:15,721 --> 00:50:17,055 [sighs] 825 00:50:17,806 --> 00:50:20,851 [Luschek] Hey, uh, so I'm gonna head to Costco, 826 00:50:20,934 --> 00:50:22,894 stock up for the draft party next Friday. 827 00:50:22,978 --> 00:50:26,148 Did you know you can buy an African safari at Costco? 828 00:50:26,231 --> 00:50:29,651 I fuckin' love that place, man. You guys wanna come? 829 00:50:29,735 --> 00:50:31,653 [Blake] I thought Alvarez said no party. 830 00:50:32,362 --> 00:50:36,032 [stutters] I basically got the okay from Hopper, huh? 831 00:50:36,116 --> 00:50:39,202 And it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission, right? 832 00:50:39,286 --> 00:50:41,538 Pretty sure that's the opposite lesson in prison. 833 00:50:41,621 --> 00:50:42,831 -[cell phone chimes] -Oh. 834 00:50:42,914 --> 00:50:44,458 I gotta go pick up a ride. 835 00:50:44,541 --> 00:50:46,543 You're driving Lyft now? 836 00:50:46,626 --> 00:50:49,796 It's just for a few hours. Can't really fall asleep anyway. 837 00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:51,798 And if I do, I get nightmares. 838 00:50:51,882 --> 00:50:53,216 And I need the money. 839 00:50:53,300 --> 00:50:57,554 And I've kinda been isolating myself lately, so it gets me around people. 840 00:50:58,263 --> 00:51:01,683 People who aren't criminals. At least not yet. 841 00:51:01,767 --> 00:51:04,519 Plus, if I know I have to drive, I drink less. 842 00:51:04,603 --> 00:51:06,480 And like I said, I need the money, so... 843 00:51:08,315 --> 00:51:10,442 Hey, you wanna chip in or anything for party snacks? 844 00:51:13,612 --> 00:51:16,907 Woof. McCullough's not doin' so well. 845 00:51:17,866 --> 00:51:19,326 She seem sexier to you? 846 00:51:19,993 --> 00:51:24,122 You know, like, suddenly she seems... like, sexier. 847 00:51:26,249 --> 00:51:27,793 Thank you for coming. 848 00:51:29,878 --> 00:51:31,379 The fuck was that speech? 849 00:51:31,463 --> 00:51:34,132 You humiliated me in front of everyone I know. 850 00:51:34,216 --> 00:51:36,343 Some people thought it was funny. 851 00:51:36,426 --> 00:51:39,721 I moved heaven and earth to get Elaine Lerner to plan your party. 852 00:51:39,805 --> 00:51:41,097 This is the thanks I get? 853 00:51:41,181 --> 00:51:43,058 I'm only glad your grandparents are dead 854 00:51:43,141 --> 00:51:46,186 so they didn't hear you disrespect your parents in shul. 855 00:51:46,269 --> 00:51:47,312 It would've killed them. 856 00:51:47,395 --> 00:51:50,482 I can't even look at you right now. You are grounded. 857 00:51:50,565 --> 00:51:51,983 From my own Bat Mitzvah? 858 00:51:52,067 --> 00:51:55,111 Right after the party. You go straight home. 859 00:51:55,195 --> 00:51:57,864 In fact, you go straight to your father's house. 860 00:51:57,948 --> 00:51:59,157 No, no. I'm not taking her. 861 00:51:59,241 --> 00:52:00,992 Oh, of course. So I'm stuck with her? 862 00:52:01,076 --> 00:52:02,828 -What else is new? -I don't want her. 863 00:52:02,911 --> 00:52:05,288 I'm really, really sorry. 864 00:52:05,372 --> 00:52:08,416 [Marka] Some things are not forgivable. 865 00:52:14,673 --> 00:52:16,633 Nichols, you're going to gen pop. 866 00:52:28,186 --> 00:52:29,396 [pounding] 867 00:52:31,606 --> 00:52:33,316 -[pounding] -Shut the fuck up! 868 00:52:40,574 --> 00:52:41,825 [mouths] It's okay. 869 00:52:44,119 --> 00:52:45,203 Come on. 870 00:52:46,246 --> 00:52:47,330 Come on. 871 00:52:51,501 --> 00:52:57,507 [Cathy] When you finally find your voice, it can be scary. 872 00:52:58,300 --> 00:53:01,219 You think no one will love the real you. 873 00:53:01,845 --> 00:53:07,267 But actually, it is the only way that you will find someone who will. 874 00:53:09,519 --> 00:53:14,900 Otherwise, you're just stuck listening to the voices in your head 875 00:53:15,567 --> 00:53:17,485 giving you bad advice. 876 00:53:19,946 --> 00:53:21,531 You like that, Diaz? 877 00:53:21,615 --> 00:53:23,742 I think I'm gonna say that tomorrow. 878 00:53:23,825 --> 00:53:26,620 Or maybe I should work on my rap song some more? 879 00:53:32,500 --> 00:53:33,501 [gasps] 880 00:53:33,585 --> 00:53:34,920 [gagging] 881 00:53:36,588 --> 00:53:39,883 [breathing heavily] Every second feels like forever, right? 882 00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:43,553 So the next time Badison asks you to do something, 883 00:53:43,637 --> 00:53:45,764 zero seconds before you say yes. 884 00:53:48,808 --> 00:53:50,852 [coughing and breathing heavily] 885 00:53:53,438 --> 00:53:56,274 Also, I like to shit naked. 886 00:53:57,692 --> 00:53:59,736 Welcome to your new normal, bitch. 887 00:54:00,403 --> 00:54:03,114 -♪ Oh, you're bad enough to me ♪ -[panting] 888 00:54:03,198 --> 00:54:05,325 ♪ Bad enough that we ♪ 889 00:54:05,408 --> 00:54:08,703 ♪ Always have something to get over ♪ 890 00:54:08,787 --> 00:54:13,416 ♪ Oh, you dress up so happy Lookin' so fancy ♪ 891 00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:16,836 ♪ I got that salty chip on my shoulder ♪ 892 00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:20,298 ♪ Batshit, batshit ♪ 893 00:54:21,216 --> 00:54:22,550 ♪ Batshit ♪ 894 00:54:24,010 --> 00:54:25,345 ♪ I'm batshit crazy ♪ 895 00:54:25,428 --> 00:54:28,807 ♪ Batshit, batshit ♪ 896 00:54:29,432 --> 00:54:30,767 ♪ Batshit ♪ 897 00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:33,645 ♪ I'm batshit crazy ♪ 898 00:54:33,728 --> 00:54:37,107 ♪ Batshit, batshit ♪ 899 00:54:37,774 --> 00:54:39,109 ♪ Batshit ♪ 900 00:54:42,195 --> 00:54:46,866 ♪ Oh, but when the night is deep You find me in the streets ♪ 901 00:54:47,409 --> 00:54:50,203 ♪ Asking me to come over ♪ 902 00:54:57,669 --> 00:54:59,254 ♪ I'm batshit crazy ♪ 903 00:55:07,303 --> 00:55:11,391 ♪ Batshit, batshit, batshit Batshit crazy ♪ 904 00:55:11,474 --> 00:55:15,562 ♪ Batshit, batshit, batshit Batshit crazy ♪ 905 00:55:15,645 --> 00:55:18,523 ♪ Batshit, batshit, batshit, batshit ♪ 906 00:55:18,606 --> 00:55:20,025 ♪ I'm batshit crazy ♪ 907 00:55:23,945 --> 00:55:25,155 ♪ Oh ♪