Hey, guys. What do you think would happen if you fell from this height?
You gotta work on your timing, dude.
I'm... I'm just asking, you know.
You think you'd die instantly, right?
You sound like my grandma.
You think this tank could leak?
Fuck, this is high.
It's fine.
Well, boys.
- To never being in high school again. - Yeah.
- Except for Fish.
Fuck off. It's one class.
You couldn't pay me enough to walk back into that place again.
What about a million dollars?
- Yeah, I'd do it for that.
The prison almost looks, like... pretty at night.
-Doesn't it sort of look like school? -Mmm-hmm.
Oh, shit, it totally does. With all the lights.
Looks like the football field.
I can't believe we're, like, actually adults now.
We should start taking vitamins or some shit.
And, like, the swallow kind that smell weird.
Not the gummy bears.
I like the gummy bears.
-Want a hit? -I'm good.
Oh, come on, pussy.
Are you afraid that you're gonna end up down there with all the danger dykes?
You think they're all dyking out right now?
- Like...
Fine, give me that.
I heard one of 'em cut her husband's dick off.
- Man, that's harsh.
Shit.
You're on private property.
Get your punk asses down here.
Fuck.
Go, go, go.
Oh, God. Down is worse.
Mr. Caputo.
Jesus Christ, Bayley!
I'm sorry, sir.
What the hell are you doing?
- I misjudged the approach.
But, uh... I need to talk to you about something.
Is it more important than a federal investigation
into a murder on our property?
Mr. Caputo, it's important.
Fine... out with it.
Uh, Humps, the guard. Humphrey?
He, um, was making the inmates, uh, fight.
Like, forcing them to.
Like a... a gladiator match?
It was really upsetting, and I just... I thought you should know.
What? When?
Last night, during the interrogations.
What interrogations?
The ones Piscatella was conducting.
-I will take care of this. -Yeah.
And thank you, Bayley. You did a good thing by telling me.
Yeah, okay. Thanks. No problem, sir.
Who was it? In the fight?
This isn't your fault.
You hear me?
Everyone saw. Man, he made you fight.
You see? Nobody's mad at you.
Man, I don't know what else to do.
I mean, look, should we call her moms?
Ask her if this happens sometimes?
We can't let nobody see her like this.
Man, they'll take her ass to Psych, and we'll never see her again.
Ain't gotta worry about Psych if the eight-eight get to her first.
-We got a problem. -Yeah, what the fuck do you want?
You get Bald Eagle, and I got Coal Miner's Daughter here.
It's that fucking guard, Humps.
Come again?
We need to take care of that pus hole of a man.
We didn't come here to fight. Enough of that going around.
You had me at pus hole.
You know that psycho locked me in a room?
Made me tell him whether I'd rather eat my mom or my dad?
Wouldn't let me go till I said.
Having to think like that, it changes a person.
She all right?
Not really. The other girl?
Down in medical. Ain't pretty.
That asshole did this to them.
We're aiming to get him out of here by any means necessary.
By any means necessary.
You in?
--Well, hold up, wait.
Ain't y'all the people trying to reinstate slavery?
I guess it's like, uh...
if you were gonna rank our hate, you guys are here...
and Humps is here.
We're in.
- Aw, you thought it was sleepy time.
I believe you're scheduled in the kitchen, inmate.
The girls said they could handle it without me this morning.
The girls aren't in charge of work duty.
I've gotten no rest.
Do you know what inmates with illegal sets of keys don't get to do?
Technically, I don't have the keys anymore.
You took them.
Get up.
Fine.
You want me to stay up?
I'll stay up.
Watch me.
- Hey, baby. - Oh, hi.
Come and take a break with me? Just for a minute?
- Oh, we're going into the...
Pretty lame buttons in this time machine.
Ew.
Dance with me.
We ain't got no music.
Nobody's fact-checking that.
True.
You know, this feels like...
the most normal thing I've done in a while.
You okay?
Suzanne's in rough shape, man.
I heard.
It's like we're in a horror movie.
The kind you'd watch at sleepovers when you were a kid...
and then you'd have to run to your mom at the end...
hug you, tell you it was all made up.
My mom wasn't a big hugger.
My mom was.
She had really long arms, too.
Could almost double around you.
So...
what does this thing do, huh?
You think we can go to the future, or what?
Yeah.
It's... ten years from now.
Mmm-hmm.
We're old... and we're on vacation.
Somewhere amazing.
Let's say, Fiji.
-Not Amsterdam no more? -No, I'm going warmer.
You know, like in one of those, like, overwater bungalows.
With a glass floor, so we can watch the fish.
Shit, man, that's a thing?
Everything's a thing.
I can't believe peeps be cutting holes in the floor just to spy on fish.
That's, like, violation of fish privacy.
We should probably worry about finding an apartment first.
We're gonna need jobs.
We'll just search "jobs for former inmates"
on the Interweb.
You know, piece of cake.
I'll just... shovel shit, and you'll dig graves.
Why don't you tell me more about these fish, yeah?
And their exhibitionist lifestyle.
- My daddy was hot. - Jesus Christ.
Go home.
Hell, I didn't expect the red-carpet treatment,
but at least pink.
No, you ain't got time for jokes, estúpida.
-I'll shut the door. -Okay, okay, chill.
We here 'cause we need your help. Coalition style.
We are the world. Common enemy.
We gotta take down Humps.
Humps?
Who gives a shit about him?
Stratman's the problem.
Stratman's an asshole, but Humps is dangerous.
Uh-huh.
You're just lookin' right in front of you, huh?
Where are we supposed to look?
-Behind us? -Always.
You got another fuckin' guard gettin' ready to search your ass.
-Or kick it. -Or stick his thumb in it.
I think that was his thumb.
You got a problem with someone, you gotta look two feet above his head.
That's your target.
Piscatella.
Exactly.
This ain't a one-man problem. See?
You gotta knock out the top, take down the whole operation.
Okay, so we good now?
Ain't nobody gonna kill each other?
'Cause the enemy of my enemy ain't my enemy, right?
All right... we're in.
Come on.
Hey, good to see you again, Sanka.
All right, um, what color do you want?
How about light pink?
Pipes.
What time is it? What time is it?
Where is everybody?
They're at work.
But they canceled construction and grounds crew
because of the active crime scene.
So, snow day for us?
A murder day.
Yeah, well, that branding never took off in the same way.
How are you?
Last night keeps playing like a loop in my brain.
I should've confessed.
Alex... she was going down for it anyway.
All that would have done is send you down there with her.
And I need you... here.
-Do you think it's over now? -What part?
All of it.
It feels like we've been living in this chaos for a decade.
I think they're gonna want this wrapped up pretty quickly.
So maybe now we're on the other side of it?
If you could go back...
ten years ago, or whatever...
and do it all again...
would you?
Fuck, no.
Then you wouldn't have met me.
Are you kidding?
It didn't matter what choices we made,
we would've ended up right here...
on this fucking bed...
sitting next to each other in prison.
- Doomed to be together. - Exactly.
-You know what I'm ready for? -What?
-Things to be easy. -We can do easy.
I'm not buyin' it.
We could try.
We could be like old people who talk about articles, and eat soup,
and hold hands on the slow stroll to the ass doctor for colonoscopies.
Deal.
--Humphrey, right?
I just call him Humps. It's more fun that way.
What the fuck was that about last night?
The way I understand it, sir, a body was found--
An inmate is in medical because of a fight you instigated.
An inmate's in medical because an ape had a tantrum.
You are suspended for a month, without pay.
Get the fuck out of my sight!
No one is suspended.
That is not your call to make, Captain.
And you are lucky you still have that title,
after the shit you pulled last night.
You suspend him, I pull my entire staff.
We walk.
How'd that work out for you last time?
These inmates are in our custody.
And one of those precious, darling inmates murdered one of your men.
But it's good to know whose side you're on, sir.
It is not about taking sides!
It is about respect!
Respect for the inmates and for the chain of command!
I explicitly told you to wait for the Feds before you questioned anybody.
All due respect, sir,
my men and I apprehended the murderer last night while you were,
I don't know, sleeping?
Jerking off MCC? Who cares?
I know it's been a while since you took the uniform off,
but surely you remember what it's like to be on the ground in here,
or maybe your fancy suit affects your memory?
Enough is enough.
You hired me to do a job,
and now you're gonna let me do it.
My way.
Oh, and...
the next time you want to interact with my men,
make sure it's to thank them for their tireless work...
instead of threatening them.
We'll discuss this later.
I could use a jelly.
- Oh, we're all out of jellies. - I had the last one.
But there is sugar. Here you go.
Shit, shit, shit! How am I gonna get a job with a record?
How's it going in there, boys?
Hey, sir, are our parents on their way, or--
Don't know what they can do for you, son.
We got your friends, Laurel and Hardy, two cells down.
They told us everything.
Yeah, the underage drinking and the trespassing, we expected.
The prostitutes and the heroin, now that we didn't think was coming.
What? The prostitutes? We didn't--
Sir, I don't know what they told you, but...
I'm... I'm a virgin, so, um--
Wait, so you lied about Jessica then?
Uh... I, um...
She was there, and--
You're gonna have to save it for the judge, son.
Or I hear the, uh, murderers and rapists over in county are great listeners,
especially when it comes to soft young boys.
It's like therapy, but with more sodomy.
Oh, I'm fucked.
- Oh, I'm so fucked.
No, I was just fucking with you guys.
Man, your faces. We should've taken a picture.
You were all like, "Oh, shit!" Which is good.
You should be scared, you idiots.
--What?
Let's go.
And you're out of here.
Your friends are waiting out in reception.
Don't be stupid next time.
There are plenty of places to drink that aren't 100 feet above the ground.
Yes, sir.
We can just go?
I mean... we had pot, too.
- Is this kid serious? - No, sir, he's not.
- Let's go. - We'll give you a ride home.
Sir, who... who are Laurel and Hardy?
So the goal is to get Piscatella fired.
Or we could kill him.
What the hell?
Why, all of a sudden, all you bitches want to murder folk?
Like it's the new fall trend or some shit?
It's not something I'd normally condone,
- but I'm exhausted. - Mmm.
We could sit here for the next week concocting an elaborate plan
with lots of twists and turns, right?
Or I could poison him... today.
No one would know,
and death is more permanent than getting fired.
But ain't no one getting punished if he just drops dead.
Look, I'm all "rah, rah, rah" for this sisterhood thing,
but I do not want more time on my sentence.
That ain't an option for me, neither.
I don't hear anyone else proposing a better idea.
At my last prison, in Honolulu,
a bunch of girls organized a peaceful protest.
Everyone sat in the yard, sweating in the sun,
and refused to move until the prison changed its policies on job hiring.
So, what? They got thrown in the SHU?
Oh, it worked. They got the policies changed.
Well, shit, girl, couldn't you have said something maybe a half hour ago?
You're all really loud.
Especially the brown ones, am I right?
We're not there yet. Totally get it.
-And what are you doing here, anyway? -I'm representing the "others."
Like on Lost?
No, like the brown people who aren't really brown.
Oh, like yellow.
Are you for real?
We would need everyone to participate.
If we're united, they can't single anyone out for punishment.
Between all of us, we should be able to spread the word.
We should do it by dinnertime.
If we wait any longer, someone'll tip off the guards,
and then we're screwed.
- Hot damn, we're doing it.
We need a leader. Someone to call the shots.
- Me. - I'll do it.
The majority is in my corner. The most bodies equals the most power.
Fine, you can be the leader if we get more time in the TV room.
We sure would like our table back in the cafeteria.
This is not a negotiation.
Maybe it should be.
Whose side are you on, husky hula doll?
That was mean.
I assisted you with a specific task.
People will listen better if there's a white person in charge.
Man, what you gotta say about eight years of Obama, you racist Nazi ho?
To be fair, he didn't quite live up to public expectations.
You just wanna be in charge so you can get back at us for Chapman.
And you'd deserve it, if that was my plan.
- We'll deal with that later.
You people, always gotta burn shit, don't you?
You sneaky, white trash piece of shit.
- Girls. - Shut up, you old commie.
I'm too tired.
I'm just too tired.
We tried.
Mmm, there is not enough water in the world to quench this thirst.
--Mmm.
I'm a monster.
Oh, honey, here. Drink your seltzer and be quiet.
I betrayed everything I believed in
for water with bubbles and soft sheets.
How am I gonna live with myself?
Everything is terrible!
Listen. Just listen up.
Molly burned through your serotonin.
Give it a month, and things will be rosy again.
A month?
Mmm.
--Hey, there.
-I don't want to interrupt. -Hi!
Um, you guys okay? You both look a little sick.
I could... use some air.
Yeah, it is a little funky in here.
Come on in.
- Rough night, right?
You're telling me.
I hope this isn't overstepping professional boundaries, but--
Oh, shit, is it that obvious?
What... Oh, well, I have nothing to hide.
No shame here.
Yes, we did drugs, and we had ourselves a threesome, right there.
Wow. Um, that's, um...
I wish I didn't know that.
Well, you know, people are always trying to desexualize women my age,
and I... I just won't allow it.
Good for you.
But actually, I came to ask about...
Look, I still got some time left here, but I'm getting out eventually.
And it feels like it's time to start focusing on that.
Make sure I have a plan.
And I really liked helping you in class, Mrs. King.
You've taught me a lot, and I...
I was wondering, do you think I could do this?
Like, for real?
Like, uh...
You know, I'm not above anything.
Like, I could start washing dishes, in the kitchen...
-I thought maybe you might have a friend-- -Hey, look, look.
You call me when you get out, I'm gonna find you a job.
Now, I know a lot of chefs, and they would be lucky to have you.
-For real? -Mmm.
Now, this here is my office number.
This is the real one, not the bullshit one that I give out,
and it goes to the PR people.
There you go. You give that a call, ask for Galen, my assistant,
and we will, as the kids say, "hook you up."
Sorry, forgot my seltzer.
You know... all that yoga she supposedly does,
she is not all that flexible.
Couldn't get her foot behind her head.
You're here.
Am I?
I guess you could be a ghost,
but in that case, I hope you look a little better than you do now.
Well... welcome back.
You need anything?
Don't make the mistake of thinking just 'cause I look weak, I am.
Get the fuck out of my face.
Oh, what the fuck is she doing here?
Ladies, I would like you to meet my new shadow, Pennsatucky.
Oh.
Gave her my basket to puke in.
Yeah. See, loyalty, counts for something.
Ain't that the truth.
Tell me, is it more important than self-respect?
Ah, man, look at us. Bickering like a real family.
I mean, it's comforting, actually.
You all right, Red? You wanna take my seat?
Yeah, your color doesn't look so good.
Don't treat me like an old lady. I'm fine.
You all right, inmate?
You're looking a little weak.
Fucking cock sucking motherfucker.
Mouth, Chapman.
No, what she said, it's right on.
You guys know there's a movement afoot?
Oh!
Well, I'm very into detective work.
Like Sherlock Holmes?
Especially when the detective looks like Benedict Cumberbatch.
I know some people think he looks part Mongoloid,
but I think he's the hottest Holmes since John.
Have you even seen the Sherlock Holmes that he's in?
Oh, he's in all the magazines.
You know, Sherlock's brother Mycroft has a brain like a computer.
Oh, cute. I think you mean Microsoft.
No, I don't.
What is the movement?
Uh, just a bunch of girls trying to get him fired.
It'll never work. He's too big a fish.
Now, a guard we can make happen.
You know who we could lose?
Donuts.
Really? I mean, he seems like one of the good ones.
You wanna tell the girls why he doesn't deserve to eat the shit out of my asshole?
You know, I realize it's all in the English,
but I'm pretty sure nobody deserves that.
Yeah, just drop it.
I'd help get Piscatella fired.
We could do that.
Remember this morning, when we decided to keep things quiet for a while,
and focus on colon health and soup?
This is important.
It doesn't matter.
It fell apart before it even started.
A peaceful protest is a great idea.
I'm in.
Ain't nothing to be in on, girl.
Them ladies is crazy.
Suzanne, you want a bite of food?
What about your bread?
I did a bad thing.
Bad, bad, bad...
Shit, they really fucked her up.
If there were a thing, I'd be there.
Mmm, me too.
Y'all for real?
Even I'd do it.
Comes a time, people.
Fight the power.
You gotta fight the powers that be.
What'd I try to tell you?
If your skin is any darker than a pair of white sneakers,
there ain't no work ethic.
Lazy fucks.
So, it's like my nanna used to say, "Fuckin' darkies."
Actually, some of the ladies seem pretty nice.
I mean, for a bunch of mud bunnies and spics.
Yeah.
So? It's a no go?
Are you crazy?
Those hillbillies aren't trustworthy.
No way are we working with them.
We don't need them.
Hey!
We got enough people,
let's do it ourselves.
You want to put your ass on the line?
Fine. Be my guest.
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
You saw what they did to me.
Shit, forget about me, what about you?
The Bureau will need a full review of your hiring practices.
That's necessary?
The deceased officer had four different social security numbers
attributed to his name...
We have no idea who this guy really was.
What a nightmare, huh?
For you? Absolutely.
I'm gonna step out for a bit.
Mr. Caputo, did you hear about last night?
The white girl is all kind of messed up and Crazy is even crazier!
-I did. -Then what you gonna do about it?
There are things that happen on an administrative level, Jefferson...
that are complicated.
One of the guards did this.
It still works, but it ain't pretty.
And don't make my ass point out the metaphor.
I am working on it. These things take time, okay?
Mmm-hmm.
Hey, uh, let me get that for you.
- Thank you. - No problem.
Bayley. A word.
Sir, you didn't tell anyone it was me who told you, right?
Why are you here?
Uh, it's my shift, sir.
No, I mean, why do you work here?
I don't know, it's a job until I figure out the next thing, I guess.
Listen to me.
This... isn't for someone like you.
This... this place crushes anything good.
It's like a...
monster that's grown too big for its stubby little legs,
and now it's...
stumbling around, crushing whole cities.
You can't survive it, Bayley.
Are you the city or the monster, sir?
Neither.
Both, I...
Even if you're the city now... one day you'll be the monster.
Working here... changes who you are.
You understand me?
I think so?
I'm stuck here, you're young.
Get outta here.
Go travel.
Go back to school.
Go work in Home Depot.
Anything...
but here.
-You're leaving? -I need some air.
Here you go.
Yeah, we have a cute-girl-free-cone promotion going on right now.
Thank you.
Hey, you wanna come sit with us?
Uh... No, I'm good, thanks.
You're hot!
-"You're hot"? -I'm trying.
My mom says it's all that matters.
Hey, guys, I'm practically setting them up for you.
Yeah, well, look at what I'm working with here, so...
I'm trying to respect women.
What are we doing tonight?
Lisa Przyborski's having that party.
-So, pregame at the water tower? -Fuck, yeah!
Baxter, can I talk to you?
Ah, somebody's in trouble.
"Someone's in trouble."
What up, boss-man?
You're fired.
What? Why?
Because, you've been stealing. We caught you on the cameras.
You've been giving away more than $30 worth of free ice cream every day.
Anytime a cute girl walks up, she doesn't pay.
I mean, that's not technically stealing, is it?
Tom's been struggling to keep this place open for years.
So, yeah, dumbass, 30 bucks a day in losses is stealing.
But, since it doesn't seem to matter to you,
we'll go ahead and keep this week's pay.
I didn't know there were cameras.
Not even a fucking apology from you.
Jesus!
You millennials really are the worst.
Get the hell outta here.
Sorry.
Hey, guys?
Uh, so I just got fired.
Oh, shoot.
So I guess pregaming starts early!
Yeah, it does. Let's go.
Is this like that thing that anorexics do,
where they get jealous that other people are skinny,
and they try to make 'em fat?
You know, my whole life, people said, "Penns, you're so fucked up."
--But I'm starting to think
that you're winning this race.
If this is supposed to be a peace accord, you're off to a fucking terrible start.
Oh, and now you're eating my gift.
-I miss you. -So?
- So, I've been reading.
Yeah, I read. Ever since you've been putting all that shit in my brain.
Do you know the difference between pain and suffering?
Oh, I can't wait to hear this.
Yeah, well, you should hear it, because pain is something that...
Pain is always there, because life is freaking painful, okay?
But suffering is a choice.
And, you, my friend...
It's not my right to say, but you're suffering.
Suffering Sam, that's you.
Exactly what self-help bullshit have you been reading?
Hey, I'm here to say that I've been brushing up on the Holy Bible.
Oh, Jesus... Literally.
But it's not even like that.
Like, there's so much useful stuff in the Bible.
There really is.
Especially about forgiveness.
Forgiveness.
You need to move on, Boo.
Oh, I need to move on?
Yes.
Yes, ma'am, you do.
'Cause...
I forgave him.
And you know what?
It ain't about him. I forgave him for me.
And I think that you're capable of doing something like that.
Especially seeing that nothing happened to you, you big turd!
- Ow!
So, come on.
Freaking move on.
Let's just be friends again.
We can eat candy, we could teach each other stuff about stuff, like we did.
I miss you.
You hitting on me?
No!
But you wish.
You know, the problem with the hunger strike
was that we weren't focused.
But that's why this is so great and could totally be successful.
We just have to, like, clearly state to the administration
what it is we want--
Judy King offered me a job.
She did?
Yeah, she said to call her when I get out of here,
and she'll hook me up.
She said any chef would be lucky to have me.
Baby, I'm so proud of you.
One step closer to that apartment.
Then Fiji.
We'll just have to take down the prison administration first,
and then we'll be able to take over the world.
Wait, you don't think that protest is going to work, do you?
Of course, I do. Why wouldn't I?
I don't know, you're excited to have a project.
A project? This isn't knitting.
This is social change and justice. It's important.
Absolutely, it just ain't gonna happen in this place.
Well, I'm not willing to not try.
Brook, this isn't important, okay?
Over there, outside all of this. That's what's important.
Why waste your energy trying to get some dude who don't even matter fired,
when they're gonna hire some other guy tomorrow who'll probably be worse?
You're telling me what I care about doesn't matter.
I'm telling you... your privilege makes you naive, babe.
I'd rather be naive than a selfish, jaded asshole.
Baby.
-Hey. -Leave me alone.
You said it would be last Friday, all right?
I sat around here waiting all day,
practicing my surprise face for when the CO finally showed up,
and then... nothing!
I did closure things.
"What do I expect"? Oh, look. What I expect...
is that my lawyer, when he tells me that I am...
getting out of this hellhole on a certain day,
that it is a done deal.
I cannot imagine that is too much to ask from someone that I pay $1,800 an hour.
Well... try harder then, sugar!
Baby, is everything okay with us?
Well, I don't know, it seems like you've been very busy lately.
Look, I'm so sorry I missed visitation, my bride.
But it was Paulie's birthday, and he really wanted me there,
and I had to go, 'cause it was the big 3-0, you know.
And we ain't kids no more, Lorna.
Thirty is, like, serious.
We even drank bourbon instead of beer.
Well, I missed you... a lot.
A lot, a lot.
Who is this, uh, Paulie, then?
Oh, you know Paulie.
Paulie, my, uh, buddy I grew up with from down the street.
Oh! Oh, the one whose eye goes left instead of right?
No, no, no, that's Greggy. Paulie is the dental hygienist.
His eyes are normal.
-I don't think I know him. -You'd love him.
Except sometimes, you know, he can get a little, uh, uptight,
uh, when he sees you chewing something tough
like a caramel, like a taffy...
A caramel?
You like caramels now?
Yeah, sure. Not any more than before, though.
I think my favorites are still candy corn pumpkins.
But, caramels?
I... I don't think I understand the question.
You know who else loves caramels?
Francine.
Okay, well, I guess I will jot that down in my "Facts about Francine" notebook.
--Um, anyway, my love,
you remember that, um, homeless guy I was telling you about
who sucks on cotton balls? We all call him Hobo Marshmallows--
I'm not stupid, you know.
I've known for weeks.
You're not pulling any wool over these eyes. No, sir.
I have no fucking idea what you're talking about.
I'm talking about you pulling your dick out of your pants
and sticking it in my sister!
What? She said you told her to hang out with me,
that you want us to be a family.
Well, believe me,
I wouldn't have asked her to do that if I knew she was a whore!
I, uh... Wait.
You really think I would do that to you, Lorna?
I don't know what you're capable of,
you lying cheater, bourbon drinker, caramel eater...
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, you're crazy.
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't you dare do that.
You're manipulatin' the conversation, I know... I know this trick.
This ain't about me. I'm not the crazy one.
I know what I know.
And you, Vincent Muccio...
are not a good man.
Sorry, sweaty hands.
Oh, you're here. Thank God!
Once again, I have a favor to ask.
I know, I ask and I ask, and here I am again.
Think of me as your prison psoriasis.
Can I take a nap in here, Sam? Please?
That fucking Piscatella won't let me sleep and my vision is getting blurry.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Sam, what's wrong?
Red... when did you get here?
Look at me.
I don't know what's going on with you,
but you need to get yourself together.
You hear me?
This is no time to feel sorry for yourself.
Go home, take a shower, and get back here.
You have a home, so it can't be that bad.
You don't get to have a crisis right now.
We need you, understand?
Okay. I'll go home.
Okay.
We'll sit here then.
So I guess I know what that's about.
We good now?
Oh, yeah, we're good, because she's good.
But if you ever hurt her again, I mean if you even so much as hurt her feelings,
you're fucking dead.
-I mean it, literally, dead. -Got it.
You are still a rapist in my book.
You didn't fuck up, you didn't make a mistake.
You're a fucking rapist!
Oh, your ass looks really great naked, by the way.
I guess this is how we hold hands.
-I missed you. -I missed you, too, Pipes.
But this you, not the other galvanized-lunatic you.
I love it when you talk dirty.
You got chips on your face.
I hope she does that...
again!
We should really start charging.
Hey! You owe us a dollar.
Four dollars!
One dollar per titty!
- That's the rate!
I hate prison.
Oh, my God, two dollars per vagina.
It's extra money for vagina.
I need a brush.
Come on.
Okay, ladies, play time is over.
This ain't play time, it's business.
Well, lucky for us,
that we could all have different definitions
for whatever the hell it is that you do in here.
'Cause it's America. Out!
And if you got a problem, or you, or you...
you could tell Maria to come and talk to me later.
- All right?
Respect your elders, and get the fuck out!
And you, don't do nothing stupid. You hear me?
-You don't scare me. -Then you're dumber than you look.
All right.
What are we gonna do here?
I don't know if it's still in good shape.
Well, let's see.
Maybe we... need some brush or something.
Uh, they used to be in the drawer over there.
I don't need your pity.
Good.
'Cause I ain't got none to give.
Should we try this?
Hey, man.
Hey.
I thought this was my secret lunch spot.
Guess not.
You all right?
Cool if I sit?
It's crazy shit out there, huh?
Yeah.
What's up with you?
Do you think this place changes you?
Like, in general? Or me, personally?
You, personally?
Not that I noticed.
Just a job, right?
I almost got a hand job from an inmate.
And I was part of an illegal panty-smuggling scheme.
No shit.
It's not funny.
Nah.
Of course.
Yeah, I just...
Coming from you, you know.
So you've never been tempted?
Nah.
Can't say that I have.
Sorry, buddy.
Hey, hey, hey. This is the one.
Right here.
Let it rip, Bax.
Come on, do another! Let that asswipe have it.
No one fires Baxter Bayley.
Yeah, no one fires Baxter Bayley!
You guys think the third-person thing works for me?
Dude, throw it! Yeah, come on!
--You guys, a car's coming.
Shit.
What are we gonna do with the rest of them?
Well, we ain't making omelets.
Oh, jackpot.
Dude, don't get too close. They might murder us or something.
Dude, is everyone armed?
On my count. One, two, three!
--You nailed her!
You think that's funny?
You redneck piece of shit asshole!
I'm a fucking human being!
Yeah, boys. Cheers, boys. Let's go.
We don't want any.
Hey, Beer Can, or Wine Glass, as the case may be.
-Are you drunk? -Why, you want to take advantage of me?
Come in.
I shouldn't stay. I just wanted to say that...
I'm sorry.
This is an impossible job.
You were trying, and I shouldn't have judged you.
They broke you, too, huh?
- I guess.
Come on.
Have a glass of wine with me, for... old time's sake.
I should really be getting back. Things are a little chaotic right now.
Right.
You're probably busy prepping for all those new bodies headed your way.
- They've been there for months. - No, I mean the next round.
The ones who will fill that superdorm you're building.
I'm tight with Margie from Infrastructure at MCC,
she was telling me all about it.
What a shit show. I'm sorry that mess fell in your lap.
More inmates?
Come on, Joe, you didn't know that they were trying to stuff that place
with as many bodies as it could hold?
Fuckers!
You sure you don't wanna come in?
I have a girlfriend.
A weird, lying, gun-toting, manipulative, corporate girlfriend.
Margie from Infrastructure told me.
Come on.
We'll just... talk.
I'm a really great talker.
Talking...
Talking sounds nice.
-Did you get your hubby on the phone? -Oh, sure.
Yeah, it was great, just great.
-I don't want you guys to go judging... -Yeah.
...'cause we know it's fast, but...
we're gonna start trying to have a baby.
Small thing, but isn't that, uh,
isn't that going to be hard, considering penis in vagina needs to happen?
Mmm-hmm.
Love will find a way.
Come here.
It sure will, kid.
-I saw that. -What?
God save us all.
You're fucking again.
No, we're just...
-Companions. -Yeah.
Companions.
"Companions," that's what they're called.
- Oh, you guys... - Yo, yo.
--Inmate!
Please...
let me sleep for 20 minutes.
This is inhumane.
Prison wasn't built on humanity, inmate.
Listen up!
Things have been pretty lax around here, if you ask me.
So lax, in fact, that one of my men
was murdered on prison property by one of you.
It seems that, somewhere along the way,
everyone around here forgot the only thing that matters.
You're criminals, and you deserve nothing.
And if I have to make an example out of each and every one of you
to get this place back in order...
well, that will be my pleasure.
- Get to work.
-What the fuck is wrong with you? -Stay out of this, inmate.
-I'm all right. -'Course you are.
Make sure she starts working. Don't let her sit down.
Come on, fuck this!
-Hey, should we call for backup? -Mmm-mmm.
I'm sorry, baby.
We are not going to move until you no longer work at this prison.
- Yeah.
We need backup in the cafeteria, now!
Every man we have.
We're not going to do anything other than stand here.
You don't need more men, you just need to resign.
-Start clearing. -Yes, sir.
-Clear 'em off. -Come on, get down!
- No, no, no... - Hey! Get down.
No, I did a bad thing!
I did a bad thing! I did a bad thing! I did a bad thing!
- I did a bad thing!
-Get down! -I did a bad thing!
I did a bad thing.
- I did a bad... Bad! Bad! Bad!
Bayley! Get that fucking animal out of here, now. Get her to Psych!
Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!
-No, no, no. -Bad! Bad!
-Hey, no, don't. Just let me talk to her! -Bad! Bad! Bad!
-Hey! Stay down, inmate! -No, come on, man, I'm trying to help.
- She don't know what she's doing. - Get off!
- All right, let's get down. - No. No!
-Get down. Come on. -I'm not doing--
- Oh, fuck, it hurts.
Get your foot off me, man!
Get off of me!
Man, get off me!
Calm down!
Piscatella! Piscatella!
Help me!
I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad!
- Come on. Let's go, come on. - Don't touch me, man!
- P! P! - Come on.
I did a... I did a bad thing!
I did a bad... I did it! I did it!
I did it!
Someone call a medic.