1 00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:22,917 That shit is disgusting, man. I don't know how you drink it. 2 00:01:23,001 --> 00:01:25,128 Yum. 3 00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:28,089 If I could tell five-year-old me that one day he'd be able to get drunk 4 00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:31,384 off the liquid equivalent of Werther's Originals for $5.98 a bottle, 5 00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:34,345 he'd be fucking psyched. 6 00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:38,599 Or, actually, really confused about what drunk means. 7 00:01:38,683 --> 00:01:40,268 Lucky you. 8 00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:43,187 Five-year-old me knew exactly what being drunk meant. 9 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:51,570 -Want a nibble? -Nah, man. I-- I gotta work. 10 00:01:51,655 --> 00:01:53,114 So? 11 00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,158 Ah, my manager's up my ass, you know? 12 00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:56,826 He's gonna know I'm high the second he sees me. 13 00:01:56,910 --> 00:01:58,286 You didn't listen to me, man. 14 00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:01,122 I told you, you gotta show up high on your first day, man. 15 00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:03,082 That way they think that's who you are. 16 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,126 But no, you had to go and make a good impression, 17 00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,753 get off on the right foot. 18 00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:08,171 Now, you're screwed. 19 00:02:10,715 --> 00:02:12,759 Can't let other people define you, man. 20 00:02:13,718 --> 00:02:15,469 When are you getting the boot off your truck? 21 00:02:16,846 --> 00:02:18,682 After I get my bike out of impound. 22 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,519 Thanks for the ride. 23 00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:30,401 Boom! 24 00:02:36,074 --> 00:02:38,326 Mmm! Hey, um, Joel? 25 00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:41,412 -Me? -Sorry, did I get that wrong? 26 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,664 I thought it was Joel. 27 00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:45,667 I saw it on your mailbox, uh, which is overflowing. 28 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:49,253 I just think you might wanna take care of that before Piscatella sees. 29 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:52,590 Keep things orderly and in order! 30 00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,097 -Uh, what's your, uh, first name? -Baxter. 31 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:03,434 Your parents named you Baxter Bayley? 32 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,144 That sounds like a cartoon dog name. 33 00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:07,981 My dad's really into dogs, actually, so... 34 00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:09,690 Uh, it's weird. 35 00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:13,194 -Yeah. -Here's the thing, Baxter Bayley, uh... 36 00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:16,114 I don't really like to pay too much attention to anything around here, 37 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:19,700 especially if it requires me to do something as a result. 38 00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:22,161 So, uh, if you're gonna point something out to me, 39 00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:25,999 it should be something awesome, like cake or pie in the break room. 40 00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:28,667 Yeah. Got it, Joel. 41 00:03:28,752 --> 00:03:30,879 Uh... it's, uh... Luschek. 42 00:03:30,962 --> 00:03:32,671 Sorry. 43 00:03:32,756 --> 00:03:36,425 Look, I just... I really think you need to deal with your letters. 44 00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:42,974 -What the hell? -Told you. 45 00:04:11,127 --> 00:04:12,586 Oh! 46 00:04:14,130 --> 00:04:15,631 "Caputo's dingleberries"? 47 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:16,841 I gotta go. 48 00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:20,386 Hmm? Okay. 49 00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:23,472 Well, I will let you know if I see cake or pie. 50 00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:26,142 Great. 51 00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:28,770 -Thanks. -Have fun. 52 00:04:30,939 --> 00:04:33,566 Oh, hey, morning, sugar. 53 00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:35,234 --Inmate. 54 00:04:35,318 --> 00:04:37,611 Do I smell butterscotch? 55 00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:39,781 Ah. 56 00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:41,825 Do I look like my 92-year-old nana? 57 00:04:41,908 --> 00:04:44,285 Ooh, boy. Somebody's in a mood this morning. 58 00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:45,870 So, what have you got there? 59 00:04:46,955 --> 00:04:48,622 -Fan mail. -Ah! Oh, wait. 60 00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:50,083 All right, little advice. 61 00:04:50,166 --> 00:04:52,001 You wanna get yourself a signature stamp, 62 00:04:52,085 --> 00:04:53,127 save you hours. 63 00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:55,088 Aren't you full of time-saving tips? 64 00:04:55,171 --> 00:04:58,091 Mmm. So, you got yourself an overzealous pen pal? 65 00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:01,635 Uh... former inmate here. 66 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,305 And I thought I was special. 67 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,475 Wasn't like that. 68 00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:12,021 That must've taken a lot of courage. 69 00:05:12,105 --> 00:05:15,649 Remember, you have a community that serves you. 70 00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:17,986 Thank you for your honesty today. 71 00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:22,531 Now, before I distribute today's chips, 72 00:05:22,615 --> 00:05:24,742 join me in the Serenity Prayer. 73 00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:30,874 God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 74 00:05:30,957 --> 00:05:34,127 the courage to change the things I can, 75 00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:37,380 and the wisdom to know the difference. 76 00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:38,506 Okay. 77 00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:42,760 So it looks like I only have one chip to celebrate today, 78 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:43,970 and it's a goody. 79 00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:46,014 Nichols. 80 00:05:47,015 --> 00:05:48,432 Care to come up here? 81 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:55,481 - Three years. Well done. - Thank you. 82 00:05:59,235 --> 00:06:02,488 Hey! Well, shit, man, 83 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:05,033 if I knew you guys were gonna clap, I would've brought my tap shoes. 84 00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:07,618 Uh, you know, to be honest, 85 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,453 I never really believed in this bullshit before, you know? 86 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,497 I'd go to rehab and no one told me 87 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,166 that you guys give it away for free in here. 88 00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:15,626 I should've just gotten locked up, like, a decade ago, 89 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,586 saved my mom a suitcase of cash. 90 00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:20,798 Although, I do miss the cigarettes. 91 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,300 --Aw. 92 00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:25,386 - Really miss the cigarettes. - Damn. 93 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:30,141 Hey... and like, how the fuck do you have AA with no smokes? 94 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,642 --It's nuts. 95 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,187 And it's criminal. You know, so to speak. 96 00:06:34,270 --> 00:06:35,813 Anyway... 97 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:42,903 This valueless piece of crappy plastic really means a lot to me. 98 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,614 Uh... 99 00:06:45,698 --> 00:06:48,617 symbolism, et cetera. 100 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:53,081 Well, screw it, you know, I'm fucking proud of myself, so... 101 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,962 All right, everyone. So, I'll see you tomorrow. 102 00:06:59,045 --> 00:07:00,088 Keep coming back. 103 00:07:00,171 --> 00:07:03,632 It works if you work it. 104 00:07:03,716 --> 00:07:04,842 Okay. 105 00:07:17,105 --> 00:07:19,190 -You fucking kidding me? -Contraband. 106 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:23,902 Shit. 107 00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,323 Morning, sister. 108 00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:33,329 Sorry, I, uh... I have a thing... 109 00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:35,706 over here. 110 00:07:54,976 --> 00:07:56,894 I would've asked, but since we're sneaking 111 00:07:56,978 --> 00:07:58,812 into each other's bunks in the middle of the night, 112 00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:01,357 I thought it was... safe to assume. 113 00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:04,068 I was sleepwalking. 114 00:08:04,152 --> 00:08:06,904 Climbing... whispering. 115 00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:10,824 - What's going on with you? - Nothing. I'm great. 116 00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:14,745 I'm just sitting here... 117 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,914 enjoying the prison breeze. 118 00:08:16,998 --> 00:08:18,791 I'm worried about you. 119 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,544 The other night was really out of character. 120 00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:24,130 Maybe it's entirely in character, but you wouldn't know 121 00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:25,298 because we haven't talked in so long. 122 00:08:25,381 --> 00:08:26,424 Fine. 123 00:08:27,383 --> 00:08:28,592 I will leave you alone. 124 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,639 But I'm here if you ever wanna drop the sarcasm and talk to me. 125 00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,099 Oh, my God. 126 00:08:35,183 --> 00:08:36,184 How generous! 127 00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:40,188 Now you have time for me? Now you wanna talk? 128 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,607 Where were you before? When I needed you? 129 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:46,735 I begged you to listen to me, 130 00:08:46,819 --> 00:08:48,737 and you were too busy fucking that tattooed kangaroo 131 00:08:48,821 --> 00:08:50,156 and calling me paranoid. 132 00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:54,368 I spent months thinking that I was crazy because of you! 133 00:08:54,452 --> 00:08:55,911 And you know what? I was right. 134 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,622 Right? What do you mean, you were right? 135 00:09:00,333 --> 00:09:03,211 Nothing. Never mind. I have to go. 136 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:12,095 Most likely to be an undercover baller goes to... 137 00:09:13,346 --> 00:09:14,888 - Maritza. 138 00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:21,437 I have dreamt about this moment my whole life. 139 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,272 --No, but for real, though, 140 00:09:23,356 --> 00:09:25,316 that was, like, some James Bond-level shit. 141 00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:28,319 -Ooh! -Panty Galore. Hi. 142 00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:32,156 No, but seriously, when do we get paid? 143 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,492 Alonso's gonna let me know when all the inventory's sold. 144 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:36,785 Yo, this is a real shame. 145 00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:38,662 - Hmm? - We got a group here, right? 146 00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:40,456 We got a system. So... 147 00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,583 Oh, why we ain't going after the hard stuff? 148 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,419 That's true. How much we ever gonna make off panties? 149 00:09:45,503 --> 00:09:47,505 Yo, we gotta be patient, all right? 150 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,716 Our crew ain't about nothing illegal, you hear me? 151 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,050 -This is the game in here right now. -Why? 152 00:09:52,135 --> 00:09:54,262 So we're gonna play the game and we're gonna win. 153 00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,931 On behalf of the Litchfield Safety Task Force, 154 00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:59,475 you need to halt your gathering. 155 00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:01,185 What the fuck you saying? 156 00:10:01,269 --> 00:10:02,645 Congress... 157 00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,272 Shit. No, that's not it. 158 00:10:04,355 --> 00:10:06,232 - Um, conga-- 159 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:09,360 - Ca-- Conga. Conga. This shit? 160 00:10:10,111 --> 00:10:12,238 "Congregating." It's "congregating." 161 00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:15,283 - Yeah. Congregating... 162 00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:18,994 ...in a group of four or more is no longer allowed. 163 00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:20,204 - What? 164 00:10:20,288 --> 00:10:23,707 - Man, get the fuck outta here. Stupid. - So stupid. 165 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,042 Look, you dirt taco. 166 00:10:25,126 --> 00:10:26,210 Whoa! 167 00:10:26,294 --> 00:10:29,172 You move along or I'll call a CO over here and get y'all some shots. 168 00:10:29,255 --> 00:10:30,298 What'd you just call her? 169 00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:33,342 -What's the problem? -They're gathering, sir. 170 00:10:33,426 --> 00:10:35,886 Oh, gathering, huh? 171 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,596 Well, I guess that's some shots. 172 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,682 - What? - Oh! Are you serious, man? 173 00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:41,392 - Yeah. - Are you fucking kidding me? 174 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,601 Really? 175 00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:48,982 It's like he's in my head. 176 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:51,819 -It's like he's talking right to me. -That's good. 177 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:57,866 Can I pitch you a crazy idea? 178 00:10:58,576 --> 00:11:00,661 You wanna make me breakfast. 179 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,954 That is very sweet. 180 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:04,665 Stick with me for just a second. 181 00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:07,210 We have all these issues because of the overcrowding, right? 182 00:11:07,293 --> 00:11:09,837 We have lack of space, unemployment, bad behavior, 183 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,006 but you know what I think the biggest problem we have is? 184 00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,217 My hunger? 185 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:15,551 Boredom. 186 00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:16,969 The inmates are restless. 187 00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,887 They have nothing to fill up their time, so they're... 188 00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:20,473 they're picking fights and they're acting out, 189 00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:21,724 and you can't really blame 'em, 190 00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,892 and we don't have the money to give them jobs, 191 00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:25,894 but we can give 'em something else. 192 00:11:25,978 --> 00:11:28,188 Something that gives them a reason to... 193 00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:29,857 to get dressed in the morning. 194 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:33,277 That makes them more productive members of society, 195 00:11:33,361 --> 00:11:34,612 in and out of prison. 196 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,992 We can give 'em classes. 197 00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:43,412 That sounds expensive. 198 00:11:43,496 --> 00:11:45,163 But it wouldn't have to be. 199 00:11:45,248 --> 00:11:47,082 MCC would never let one of those 200 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,084 fruity liberal arts schools inside our walls. 201 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,294 I know that. That's why I was thinking 202 00:11:50,378 --> 00:11:52,045 we can train the guards to lead the classes. 203 00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:53,506 We don't have to teach calculus, 204 00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:56,759 just some more concrete life skills. 205 00:11:57,426 --> 00:11:59,094 We can call them... 206 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,471 enrichment classes. 207 00:12:01,389 --> 00:12:04,350 This can make a real difference in some of these women's lives. 208 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,143 And maybe ours, too. 209 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,562 If I can get this off the ground... 210 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,024 it has the potential to be career-defining. 211 00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:13,984 Right? 212 00:12:15,361 --> 00:12:16,404 I can help. 213 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,489 -Yeah? -Yeah. 214 00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,408 I know how to pitch things to MCC. 215 00:12:20,491 --> 00:12:23,160 It's all about using the right language with them, 216 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,537 putting things in their terms. 217 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:25,788 When I'm in my flow, they don't even realize 218 00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:26,914 what they're saying yes to. 219 00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:28,332 You think that's the right approach? 220 00:12:28,416 --> 00:12:30,584 Absolutely. You let me handle them. 221 00:12:30,668 --> 00:12:34,212 You focus on your legacy. Go, team. 222 00:12:34,297 --> 00:12:36,089 --Go, team! 223 00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,550 And go omelet, maybe? 224 00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:38,676 Like, a scramble? 225 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,636 -Scramble? You're hungry? -Love a scramble. 226 00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:42,262 - I'm hungry. I'm starving. - You need to eat. 227 00:12:42,346 --> 00:12:44,097 This is good, Joe. This is so good. 228 00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:46,809 -I'm gonna make you an omelet. -Great. Go, team! 229 00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:49,895 This week we seen two sets of titties on the walls, 230 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,315 which is less than four the week before, 231 00:12:52,398 --> 00:12:54,608 and only one pussy. 232 00:12:54,692 --> 00:12:56,860 Uh, but to be honest, it wasn't really drawed that well, 233 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,488 so I don't think anybody knew it was supposed to be a pussy, anyway. 234 00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:02,115 Yeah, chalking that up as a win all around. 235 00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:03,867 Been breaking up groups of border niggers 236 00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,118 and plain niggers, too. 237 00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:08,706 Spooking spooks. Crunching nachos. Ain't nothing. 238 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:13,877 This has been moderately to minimally helpful. 239 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,087 Thank you, inmates. 240 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,422 Wait, we got more. 241 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:19,508 Some of us girls have also been noticing panties. 242 00:13:20,593 --> 00:13:24,555 Why don't you just, uh, leave the strip-searching up to us? 243 00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:27,558 Not the regular panties. The fancy ones from the sewing job. 244 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:28,934 Slutty panties. 245 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,268 Well, I think they're pretty. 246 00:13:30,353 --> 00:13:32,855 Shouldn't we be focusing on gang activity? 247 00:13:32,938 --> 00:13:35,858 Girls wearing panties sounds pretty harmless to me. 248 00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,150 For perverts. 249 00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:40,738 -Cash money. Crotch sniffing. -Yeah. 250 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,366 It's a business. We heard. 251 00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:46,869 You're telling me that somebody's making money off of dirty panties? 252 00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:52,082 Yeah, they're selling for, like, $700 to Chinamen in China. 253 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,542 That's what we heard. 254 00:13:53,626 --> 00:13:54,877 Oh, we heard that. Yeah. 255 00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,963 Thank you for your intel. 256 00:13:58,046 --> 00:13:59,339 Keep it steady. 257 00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:04,052 All right, I got it. 258 00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:08,807 Yeah, see, if you wanted to be the United States, 259 00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:10,976 you should've been the women, because they're good at soccer. 260 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,770 Whereas the men, not so much. 261 00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:14,980 I'm not gonna be some chick team, dude. 262 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,941 - Oh, damn it! - Yeah, that's offsides. 263 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,780 I can't concentrate with all the noise from the idiots out there. 264 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,365 You want a soda? 265 00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:27,117 -Anything harder? -Aren't you on the clock? 266 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,952 "Aren't you on the clock?" 267 00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:33,541 Maybe I should just call the cable company instead. 268 00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:35,208 - If you wanna pay for it, sure. 269 00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:39,922 Teaching them to install illegal cable doesn't exactly sound like rehabilitation. 270 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:44,259 Hey, it's a practical skill in the real world, my friend. 271 00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,094 I'm bleeding. 272 00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:47,596 -What the fuck did you do? -Jesus. 273 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:51,058 I cut myself with that shitty, rusty wire cutter you gave us. 274 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:53,185 -Come on, run. -What? No, I need to go to medical! 275 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,937 At halftime, just... 276 00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,730 - wrap a sock around it or something. 277 00:14:56,814 --> 00:14:58,273 One more scar's not gonna change your world. 278 00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:01,151 - Fucking asshole. 279 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,112 Oh, goal! Take that, fucker! 280 00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:05,656 I wasn't even playing, man. 281 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,575 You're such a piece of shit. 282 00:15:07,658 --> 00:15:08,867 What did you say, inmate? 283 00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:12,204 I said, you're a piece of shit! 284 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:15,040 -You wanna spend some time in the SHU? -Hey, man, she needs to go to medical. 285 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,501 -Are you defending her? -If she's telling you she needs something, 286 00:15:17,585 --> 00:15:18,794 you need to listen to her. 287 00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:20,671 They're people, for Christ's sake. 288 00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,756 It's our job to take care of these women. 289 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:26,134 Do your fucking job! You're not listening to her. 290 00:15:26,677 --> 00:15:27,761 Are you joking? 291 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,139 Get out of my house. 292 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,351 No? Not joking? 293 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,520 It's been a real buzzkill. 294 00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:40,023 Let's go, tetanus. 295 00:15:41,233 --> 00:15:43,110 Oh, wait, wait, wait. 296 00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:44,737 What? 297 00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:46,029 Can you give us a ride? 298 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,341 Hey, get a move on, inmate. 299 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:22,983 What's your business? 300 00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:24,860 Well, I figured I'd bust out of here 301 00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:28,280 and sell generic disinfectant and cleaning rags on the street for pennies. 302 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,992 Man, come on. It's me. 303 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:33,243 Answer the question. 304 00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:36,329 I am a cleaning porter, 305 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:38,666 as my giant accomplice here might indicate. 306 00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:44,547 Take a left down hallway A, 307 00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:46,882 a right down hallway 21... 308 00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:49,510 and then report to the SHU gate. 309 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,179 Oh, hey, let me ask you a question. 310 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,848 Uh, at what point do I get to meet the wizard? 311 00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:01,313 Oh, thank you. 312 00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:03,148 See ya. 313 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:05,568 --Michigan, Lansing. 314 00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,987 Minnesota, Jackson. 315 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:13,200 Missouri, Jefferson City. 316 00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:16,244 Mississippi. You forgot Mississippi. 317 00:17:17,580 --> 00:17:19,623 Mississippi. 318 00:17:19,707 --> 00:17:20,874 God damn. 319 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,544 I always do that. 320 00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:30,383 Shut that motherfucker! 321 00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:34,387 - What, you a Peeping Tom now? 322 00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,436 Hi, Burset. 323 00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:43,564 Be honest with me. 324 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,316 Ever seen me look this ravishing? 325 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,026 Uh... 326 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:52,615 if we're using "ravishing" as a synonym for "horrendous," never. 327 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:54,617 Nichols, right? 328 00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,078 You're on this hallway a lot? 329 00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,789 Maybe once a week. 330 00:18:00,873 --> 00:18:03,333 And I never really know where they're gonna assign me. 331 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,417 Listen. 332 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,545 Can you get me a blanket? 333 00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:09,965 Bring it in next time you come through? 334 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:13,260 I'd love to help you, I just, uh... 335 00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,178 I'm really trying to keep on the straight and narrow. 336 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,848 Please. I'm not sleeping. 337 00:18:18,766 --> 00:18:21,226 I'm gonna lose my mind if I don't get some rest. 338 00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:24,605 And we both know what happens if you go insane in this place, right? 339 00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:27,941 Hey, uh, I feel you. I really do. 340 00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:30,402 But think about it, I don't even know where to find a spare. 341 00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:33,113 Even if I did, they'd just spot it in a second. 342 00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:35,032 You'd be fucked. I'd be fucked. 343 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,536 I get it. 344 00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:40,871 Sorry I asked. 345 00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:45,000 Hold on. 346 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,633 Here. 347 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,845 At least that'll keep your mind occupied. 348 00:18:56,929 --> 00:19:00,598 All right, so just go slowly, all right? 349 00:19:00,683 --> 00:19:03,977 Read every word, even the ads. 350 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:08,315 Reciting the capitals helps me if that doesn't work. 351 00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,824 -I gotta go. I gotta go. Okay. -What's it like outside today? 352 00:19:16,907 --> 00:19:18,784 Is it raining? 353 00:19:21,954 --> 00:19:23,038 Go. 354 00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,622 Whoa, Snow White and her high hoes. 355 00:19:24,707 --> 00:19:25,791 Why don't you get in the back of the line? 356 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:27,167 - Next. - What's going on? 357 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,919 Oh, it's a stop-and-frisk. 358 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,421 Over here. Next. 359 00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:34,675 Over here. 360 00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:35,926 Thank you. 361 00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:37,010 -Next. -Are you wearing? 362 00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:38,095 Mmm-hmm. 363 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,763 - Here. - Fuck. 364 00:19:39,847 --> 00:19:41,098 Next. 365 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:43,934 Over here, please. 366 00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:46,979 Oh, yeah, hustle. 367 00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,355 Next. 368 00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:53,777 Right over here. 369 00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:58,615 Go. 370 00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:01,368 Next. 371 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:05,372 Go. 372 00:20:06,832 --> 00:20:08,333 You. 373 00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:09,501 No. 374 00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:11,628 You. 375 00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,047 You look interesting. 376 00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:17,926 -Where are you from, inmate? -Hawaii. 377 00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:19,302 Ooh. 378 00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:21,513 Well, over here. 379 00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:24,892 Aloha. 380 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,646 -Next. -Well, hello there, CO, sir. 381 00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:31,023 How are you today? 382 00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:33,191 Go. 383 00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:35,903 Come on. 384 00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:41,158 And next. 385 00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:42,993 Next. 386 00:20:45,788 --> 00:20:46,789 Shit. 387 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:57,257 Next. 388 00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,341 Look at this. 389 00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:02,387 Oh, shit. That's Betty Cracker herself. 390 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,639 I was in that grass this morning. 391 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,808 That exact grass. 392 00:21:05,891 --> 00:21:09,561 Damn. We could've been in this pic. Been all prison famous. 393 00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:11,855 You know what's better than being famous? 394 00:21:11,939 --> 00:21:14,691 Uh... pizza, daisies, smelly markers, 395 00:21:14,775 --> 00:21:17,319 any animal, a really good dream, a warm bath, 396 00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:18,987 -picking a booger, a dry one... -Ugh! 397 00:21:19,071 --> 00:21:21,656 ...pizza, graham crackers and icing sandwiches, 398 00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,700 the feeling you get when you make a really good joke 399 00:21:23,784 --> 00:21:27,204 and someone laughs, in a nice way, not a mean way, and they-- 400 00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,289 -Money! -Money? 401 00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:31,875 - Cash money, y'all. 402 00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:34,461 Yo, do you know how much these paparazzi people make 403 00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:36,797 off of one of these celebrity pictures? 404 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,049 If they be flying these robocops over Litchfield 405 00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:42,260 just to get this janky-ass picture... 406 00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:46,473 imagine how much a close-up could be. 407 00:21:46,556 --> 00:21:48,308 That's what those drones are doing? 408 00:21:48,934 --> 00:21:50,643 The aliens aren't coming? 409 00:21:50,727 --> 00:21:52,104 Yo! 410 00:21:52,187 --> 00:21:54,231 Focus! 411 00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:56,149 -My bad. My bad. -Mmm-hmm. 412 00:21:56,233 --> 00:21:57,818 I got the Internet. 413 00:21:59,611 --> 00:22:01,905 -Where? -You got on Caputo's computer. 414 00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:04,699 Yo! That's a game changer! 415 00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:07,244 I know! I know, I know, I know! Okay, okay, okay. 416 00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:10,455 So, all we got to do now is find ourselves a cell phone, 417 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:12,875 and we got ourselves a retirement plan. 418 00:22:12,958 --> 00:22:14,877 Yo... 419 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:20,883 I'm gonna retire in that hotel with the indoor water park in Ohio. 420 00:22:20,966 --> 00:22:22,717 Lord, give me strength. 421 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,302 You got kids? 422 00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:25,971 No. 423 00:22:26,054 --> 00:22:27,305 Wasn't in the cards. 424 00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:29,557 Didn't have the genetics. 425 00:22:29,641 --> 00:22:31,726 Well, that don't stop most people. 426 00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:35,688 Well, there was some family medical history 427 00:22:35,772 --> 00:22:37,065 I didn't wanna pass on. 428 00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:39,567 You? 429 00:22:39,651 --> 00:22:42,529 Well, the... Okay, the me that I used to be wanted 'em... 430 00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:45,240 but considering my present situation... 431 00:22:45,323 --> 00:22:48,868 it's probably good that I didn't make any more little Lolly-pops. 432 00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:51,163 Hey, have you ever seen The Twilight Zone? 433 00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:54,124 - Up here every day. 434 00:22:54,207 --> 00:22:56,418 You know, my mother loved it. 435 00:22:56,501 --> 00:22:57,627 And there was an episode 436 00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,713 where this couple wakes up in a strange house. 437 00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:02,882 So they go downstairs, and they're looking for other people. 438 00:23:02,966 --> 00:23:04,467 They can't find any other people. 439 00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:06,636 They try to make a call, and all the phones are fake. 440 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:07,845 -No! -Yes. 441 00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,808 And outside, there are fake squirrels, 442 00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:16,146 stuffed... posed on fake trees. 443 00:23:16,939 --> 00:23:20,067 So, at the end... 444 00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:24,654 this really huge hand reaches down from the sky 445 00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:26,281 and picks them up. 446 00:23:27,324 --> 00:23:29,367 And it's a young girl... 447 00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:31,619 but she's a giant... 448 00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:35,540 and the couple are stuck in her play world, 449 00:23:35,623 --> 00:23:37,750 so she can make them do whatever she wants. 450 00:23:38,793 --> 00:23:40,337 Whoa. 451 00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:41,629 My mother... 452 00:23:42,797 --> 00:23:45,175 was... like you. 453 00:23:47,135 --> 00:23:48,470 Similar issues. 454 00:23:49,804 --> 00:23:53,850 And she would always say... that that's how it felt, 455 00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:57,980 like she was locked... in a fake world... 456 00:23:58,063 --> 00:23:59,731 that no one else was part of... 457 00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:03,443 even though it looked exactly the same. 458 00:24:06,154 --> 00:24:08,323 Yeah, I got a lot of prisons in my life, sir. 459 00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:11,784 I got the literal one, duh. 460 00:24:13,578 --> 00:24:18,041 I got the one where I'm on my meds and I can't feel anything. 461 00:24:18,125 --> 00:24:20,043 That is not so great. 462 00:24:20,127 --> 00:24:21,628 Then, I have the worst one... 463 00:24:21,711 --> 00:24:24,964 the prison where I'm usually living in, 464 00:24:25,048 --> 00:24:26,549 and there's all these people, right, 465 00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:28,051 and they're talkin' and talkin' and talkin'. 466 00:24:28,135 --> 00:24:29,844 And they cannot agree on what is the truth. 467 00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:31,221 That's like that episode. 468 00:24:31,304 --> 00:24:32,597 That's exactly right. 469 00:24:34,849 --> 00:24:36,018 How's your mom? 470 00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:37,852 She's fine. 471 00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:40,605 I'm glad. 472 00:24:40,688 --> 00:24:41,814 Thank you. 473 00:24:48,030 --> 00:24:50,073 I need the dead man's keys. 474 00:24:50,157 --> 00:24:52,950 Warm a girl up a little, would ya? 475 00:24:53,868 --> 00:24:56,829 I would very much like to return your witty banter, 476 00:24:56,913 --> 00:24:59,707 but I am too exhausted to be clever. 477 00:24:59,791 --> 00:25:00,792 The keys. 478 00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:01,959 Now. 479 00:25:09,842 --> 00:25:10,885 Are you all right? 480 00:25:10,968 --> 00:25:14,722 I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks. 481 00:25:18,810 --> 00:25:21,563 Hoping to escape to the Motel 6 down the street? 482 00:25:21,646 --> 00:25:26,193 A more practical escape than that, my friend. 483 00:25:26,276 --> 00:25:28,403 How the fuck are you not freaking out right now? 484 00:25:28,486 --> 00:25:30,029 -About the panty raid? -Yes. 485 00:25:30,572 --> 00:25:33,116 -You saw that stop-and-frisk today. -Mmm-hmm. 486 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,703 They're not even looking in our direction, and they're never going to. 487 00:25:37,245 --> 00:25:38,663 We're good. 488 00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:42,334 I'm playing those guards like a flute. Like a group of flutes, many flutes. 489 00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:43,460 I'm the flautist. 490 00:25:43,543 --> 00:25:45,837 Okay, I get it. You play a mean flute. 491 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,466 But tell me, what's gonna happen when they stop one of the brown girls... 492 00:25:49,549 --> 00:25:50,883 who's wearing panties? 493 00:25:51,468 --> 00:25:53,386 You think she's gonna give up Maria? 494 00:25:53,470 --> 00:25:55,180 Fuck, no. She's gonna point right at you, 495 00:25:55,263 --> 00:25:58,183 because... well, it's the truth, so she won't be lying. 496 00:25:58,266 --> 00:26:00,685 And also, everyone hates you. 497 00:26:00,768 --> 00:26:03,020 If they are coming for me, I will be here. 498 00:26:03,105 --> 00:26:05,148 That is precisely my point. 499 00:26:05,232 --> 00:26:08,360 You're just sitting, waiting. Chapman, make a move. Be a shark. 500 00:26:08,443 --> 00:26:11,279 I am not tearing down everything that I have built. 501 00:26:11,363 --> 00:26:14,031 This business is important to me. It gives me purpose. 502 00:26:14,116 --> 00:26:17,827 Oh... honey bear. 503 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:20,955 See... now we come to the point in our journey 504 00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:24,041 where it's time for you to think about someone other than yourself. 505 00:26:24,751 --> 00:26:26,878 You brought people into this. 506 00:26:28,421 --> 00:26:30,507 You're responsible for us. 507 00:26:30,590 --> 00:26:32,049 If you wanna wear the crown, you gotta be willing 508 00:26:32,134 --> 00:26:33,176 to fall on your sword. 509 00:26:33,260 --> 00:26:36,804 Everything's gonna be okay. I'm not worried. 510 00:26:37,347 --> 00:26:40,808 Someone is going to go down for this, Chapman... 511 00:26:41,893 --> 00:26:43,520 and for my sake... 512 00:26:43,603 --> 00:26:45,062 I hope it isn't you. 513 00:26:48,150 --> 00:26:50,568 When you say that everybody hates me, 514 00:26:50,652 --> 00:26:52,570 you're being a little hyperbolic, right? 515 00:26:54,822 --> 00:26:56,533 I'm afraid we're gonna have to wrap it up, ladies. 516 00:26:56,616 --> 00:26:57,992 - Aw! - Have a good day, 517 00:26:58,075 --> 00:27:00,287 and remember our theme. 518 00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:02,330 Use what you've got! 519 00:27:02,414 --> 00:27:04,374 --Thank you. 520 00:27:07,084 --> 00:27:08,878 - Oh, good, good. 521 00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:13,216 -Yes. Yes. -All right. See you later. Thank you. 522 00:27:15,718 --> 00:27:16,844 Oh, Lord. 523 00:27:16,928 --> 00:27:19,806 Are you gonna keep dancing over there like a little girl who has to pee 524 00:27:19,889 --> 00:27:21,808 or are you gonna come over here and tell me what's wrong? 525 00:27:24,977 --> 00:27:26,103 Look. 526 00:27:26,771 --> 00:27:30,358 -What's this? -That is freshly whipped butter. 527 00:27:30,442 --> 00:27:32,610 And Bill puts this Maldon salt 528 00:27:32,694 --> 00:27:34,904 in my care package. This is my heroin. 529 00:27:34,987 --> 00:27:37,782 Now, I'm not supposed to tell anybody, so keep quiet about it. 530 00:27:37,865 --> 00:27:39,701 There we go. Cheers. 531 00:27:42,412 --> 00:27:43,580 Mmm! 532 00:27:43,663 --> 00:27:45,164 Holy fuck. 533 00:27:45,248 --> 00:27:46,333 That's good. 534 00:27:46,416 --> 00:27:48,167 Better than a good shit in the morning. 535 00:27:48,251 --> 00:27:49,711 That's my favorite thing. 536 00:27:49,794 --> 00:27:52,464 Oh, sweetie, that's everybody's favorite thing. 537 00:27:52,547 --> 00:27:54,131 Don't go thinking that makes you original. 538 00:27:54,799 --> 00:27:56,968 Now, what are you moping about around here? 539 00:27:57,051 --> 00:27:58,970 Did your girlfriend write to you again? 540 00:27:59,053 --> 00:28:01,306 Well, she's not my girlfriend, first of all... 541 00:28:01,389 --> 00:28:02,432 Right. 542 00:28:03,391 --> 00:28:04,434 I don't know, it's weird. 543 00:28:04,517 --> 00:28:06,769 I, like, care or something. 544 00:28:06,853 --> 00:28:09,231 -Oh. -'Cause normally, I do not give a shit. 545 00:28:09,314 --> 00:28:11,358 -Mmm-hmm. -About anything... 546 00:28:12,442 --> 00:28:13,735 and especially this. 547 00:28:15,069 --> 00:28:17,280 Maybe the chocolate I had was bad. 548 00:28:17,864 --> 00:28:20,992 It doesn't make sense, because... she fucked up. 549 00:28:22,410 --> 00:28:24,954 Man, did she fuck up. But... 550 00:28:25,997 --> 00:28:27,832 I knew it was bad for her 551 00:28:27,915 --> 00:28:31,127 and I got involved anyway, and now she's worse off than before. 552 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,839 Really gotta suck ass down there. 553 00:28:37,091 --> 00:28:39,093 God, what was that, like, sympathy or something? 554 00:28:39,176 --> 00:28:40,553 Mr. Luschek... 555 00:28:40,637 --> 00:28:44,391 I believe that what you are referring to is called guilt. 556 00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:47,935 But I don't have anything to feel guilty about. 557 00:28:48,019 --> 00:28:49,604 Well, guilt is tricky that way. 558 00:28:51,648 --> 00:28:53,441 Yeah, look, I need an honest opinion. 559 00:28:56,278 --> 00:28:58,530 -Am I a piece of shit? -Do you want it straight? 560 00:28:59,155 --> 00:29:00,573 -No. -Mmm. All right. 561 00:29:00,657 --> 00:29:01,991 From what I've observed, 562 00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:05,745 you're lazy, you're selfish as all get-out... 563 00:29:05,828 --> 00:29:09,249 you don't care about much, you don't seem to shower that often. 564 00:29:09,332 --> 00:29:12,919 But you are funny as hell, and I think you're genuine, 565 00:29:13,002 --> 00:29:15,212 which is hard to come by. So, all in all, 566 00:29:15,297 --> 00:29:18,675 I think that makes you... Hmm... What? 567 00:29:18,758 --> 00:29:19,926 Half a piece of shit. 568 00:29:20,927 --> 00:29:23,346 But there's always time for change. 569 00:29:24,472 --> 00:29:25,973 That's the thing. 570 00:29:26,057 --> 00:29:27,934 There's literally nothing for me to do. 571 00:29:30,812 --> 00:29:34,441 She's in max. I can't do anything for her. 572 00:29:34,524 --> 00:29:37,068 And maybe she doesn't even deserve it, even if I could do something. 573 00:29:37,151 --> 00:29:39,321 Well, everybody deserves kindness. 574 00:29:43,074 --> 00:29:45,702 Oh, God, I really got you on that one. 575 00:29:45,785 --> 00:29:48,913 "Everybody deserves kindness"? 576 00:29:48,996 --> 00:29:50,290 What do you think I am? 577 00:29:50,373 --> 00:29:53,751 Some black granny knitting on a porch in Savannah? 578 00:29:53,835 --> 00:29:55,086 Come on. 579 00:29:55,169 --> 00:29:58,423 Stop whining in my kitchen and go figure this out. 580 00:29:58,506 --> 00:29:59,507 Oh... 581 00:30:00,633 --> 00:30:02,302 You are a straight, white man. 582 00:30:02,385 --> 00:30:04,136 You don't get to be the victim, sweetie. 583 00:30:04,804 --> 00:30:06,931 Yeah, that whole thing's gonna flip at some point, right? 584 00:30:23,698 --> 00:30:24,741 Hey. 585 00:30:39,547 --> 00:30:41,048 Care if I join you? 586 00:30:50,057 --> 00:30:51,351 All right, what are you doin'? 587 00:30:51,434 --> 00:30:53,227 You're not in a very lovey mood, I see. 588 00:30:53,310 --> 00:30:54,562 "Lovey"? 589 00:30:54,646 --> 00:30:57,524 What is that? Is that, like, an acceptable word where you come from? 590 00:30:57,607 --> 00:31:00,693 No, hey, 'cause here in America... Yeah, that makes us barf. 591 00:31:02,028 --> 00:31:04,781 Okay, well, how would you describe the other night in the bathroom then? 592 00:31:04,864 --> 00:31:06,783 'Cause the way you were screaming my name... 593 00:31:06,866 --> 00:31:08,493 it was pretty hot. 594 00:31:08,576 --> 00:31:12,121 I was just doing my very best Streetcar Named Desire impression. 595 00:31:14,457 --> 00:31:17,001 "Stella!" 596 00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:19,003 That's the, uh, the Meryl Streep one? 597 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,090 Yeah, I hate it when you talk sometimes. 598 00:31:23,174 --> 00:31:24,300 No... 599 00:31:24,384 --> 00:31:25,510 all the time. 600 00:31:25,593 --> 00:31:27,053 Jesus. 601 00:31:28,555 --> 00:31:29,639 What's wrong? 602 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:31,891 Nothing. 603 00:31:34,185 --> 00:31:35,978 You know, rough day. 604 00:31:42,193 --> 00:31:44,236 I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from me 605 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,072 if you were back on that shit. 606 00:31:47,364 --> 00:31:48,825 You're disgusting. 607 00:31:54,288 --> 00:31:55,331 Fucking hell. 608 00:32:01,921 --> 00:32:03,297 Heard you need a thing I have. 609 00:32:05,091 --> 00:32:08,636 A religion that'll stone me to death if I get raped? 610 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,430 Mmm, no thanks, I'm good. 611 00:32:11,305 --> 00:32:13,015 I'll go ahead and assume 612 00:32:13,099 --> 00:32:17,394 Bernie Madoff speaks for your entire religion, too. 613 00:32:17,479 --> 00:32:19,230 Ignorant asshole. 614 00:32:21,398 --> 00:32:23,901 All right. Okay. 615 00:32:25,402 --> 00:32:26,571 Now... 616 00:32:29,699 --> 00:32:30,908 what you talkin' 'bout? 617 00:32:40,627 --> 00:32:43,129 Shit! Wait a minute. 618 00:32:44,088 --> 00:32:45,214 How'd you know I need that? 619 00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:49,260 You make the mistake of assuming anything is private in here. 620 00:32:49,343 --> 00:32:50,595 All right, what you want for it? 621 00:32:51,387 --> 00:32:52,972 Box of tampons for 15 minutes. 622 00:32:53,055 --> 00:32:55,683 Oh, hell, no. 623 00:32:55,767 --> 00:32:58,978 Look, I'll give you one tampon for an hour. 624 00:32:59,061 --> 00:33:00,772 That's unreasonable. 625 00:33:00,855 --> 00:33:02,607 So is God, but that don't stop him. 626 00:33:02,690 --> 00:33:04,901 Are you comparing yourself to God? 627 00:33:04,984 --> 00:33:06,318 I mean, do you even have, like, 628 00:33:06,402 --> 00:33:09,238 one teeny-tiny, itty-bitty bit of humor left in you? 629 00:33:09,321 --> 00:33:11,866 Or does your headscarf numb that part of your brain? 630 00:33:12,742 --> 00:33:14,494 Offer's off the table. 631 00:33:14,577 --> 00:33:16,453 Yeah. 632 00:33:16,538 --> 00:33:19,165 That's what I thought. 633 00:33:19,248 --> 00:33:22,126 You know you just lost, right? 634 00:33:22,209 --> 00:33:24,587 Winnin', losin'. 635 00:33:24,671 --> 00:33:28,675 I'm so enlightened, those words don't mean nothin' to me. 636 00:33:40,186 --> 00:33:41,729 Hey, I'm telling you, you made a mistake. 637 00:33:41,813 --> 00:33:43,648 I don't get visitors. 638 00:34:12,844 --> 00:34:14,303 Hello, sunshine. 639 00:34:14,386 --> 00:34:16,347 Oh, hey, fuckwad. 640 00:34:16,430 --> 00:34:18,725 Thanks for your sappy love letters. 641 00:34:18,808 --> 00:34:21,102 I wanted you to know I cared. 642 00:34:21,811 --> 00:34:23,938 You know, in my family, "fuck you" meant, uh, 643 00:34:24,021 --> 00:34:26,190 "you really get me," so, joke's on you. 644 00:34:27,734 --> 00:34:29,235 What the fuck are you doin' here? 645 00:34:29,318 --> 00:34:30,653 I was in the neighborhood. 646 00:34:31,696 --> 00:34:33,656 Came to say hi, thought you could use some company. 647 00:34:33,740 --> 00:34:35,908 Yeah, 'cause I'm really lonely, uh... 648 00:34:35,992 --> 00:34:37,827 with my five roommates and 400 other people 649 00:34:37,910 --> 00:34:40,079 that I gotta shit and eat with on a daily basis. 650 00:34:40,162 --> 00:34:41,497 --Wait! 651 00:34:46,460 --> 00:34:49,714 You know, you put me in a really crappy position, Nichols. 652 00:34:49,797 --> 00:34:51,257 I almost lost my job because of you. 653 00:34:51,340 --> 00:34:53,009 You're shitting me right now, right? 654 00:34:54,468 --> 00:34:55,845 Just gimme a second to work up to it. 655 00:34:57,722 --> 00:34:59,098 Look... 656 00:35:00,016 --> 00:35:02,393 I wanted to say that I'm sorry... 657 00:35:03,019 --> 00:35:04,061 --...that things 658 00:35:04,145 --> 00:35:05,562 ended up the way that they did. 659 00:35:05,647 --> 00:35:08,357 Now, I'm sure it's not great down here. 660 00:35:09,901 --> 00:35:10,985 There. 661 00:35:12,111 --> 00:35:13,821 -That's it. -Wow! 662 00:35:15,406 --> 00:35:16,991 Are you the symbol of empathy. 663 00:35:17,074 --> 00:35:19,451 No, Luschek, things aren't great. 664 00:35:19,535 --> 00:35:24,498 Let's see, uh... I'm sober, so that's something. 665 00:35:24,581 --> 00:35:27,835 All right, like, uh, intentionally sober, 666 00:35:27,919 --> 00:35:31,213 not barely-skating-by sober, for the first time in my life. 667 00:35:31,297 --> 00:35:34,008 Um... hardest fuckin' thing I've ever done 668 00:35:34,091 --> 00:35:36,260 and, oh, yeah, I picked a hell of a time to do it 669 00:35:36,343 --> 00:35:39,180 considering that anything you want down here is available to you 670 00:35:39,263 --> 00:35:41,432 and less than a foot away at practically all times. 671 00:35:41,515 --> 00:35:44,686 Uh, what else, what else? Let me catch you up, uh... 672 00:35:44,769 --> 00:35:48,856 - I have no family, uh... - I am completely alone. 673 00:35:48,940 --> 00:35:50,775 I have no friends. 674 00:35:50,858 --> 00:35:54,320 And, uh, yeah, yeah! It's all my fault, so... 675 00:35:54,403 --> 00:35:58,532 thank you for coming all the way down here and, uh, reminding me of all that, 676 00:35:58,615 --> 00:36:02,619 while also managing to conveniently clear your own conscience, you know. 677 00:36:02,704 --> 00:36:04,580 - I fuckin' really appreciate it! - Hey. Hey. 678 00:36:04,664 --> 00:36:05,998 I'm sorry. Uh... 679 00:36:06,082 --> 00:36:08,375 Hey, next time, do me a favor, right, 680 00:36:08,459 --> 00:36:09,626 just do it the old-fashioned way 681 00:36:09,711 --> 00:36:12,714 and cum all over my face and then leave, okay? 682 00:36:12,797 --> 00:36:14,423 Fuck you! 683 00:36:52,169 --> 00:36:53,295 Mmm. 684 00:36:57,759 --> 00:36:59,051 You okay? 685 00:37:03,305 --> 00:37:06,142 Does it bother you that I, like... 686 00:37:07,518 --> 00:37:08,602 I never... 687 00:37:09,645 --> 00:37:12,815 - Nah, girl. I'm good. - You know... 688 00:37:12,899 --> 00:37:14,650 But it's so one-sided. 689 00:37:14,734 --> 00:37:16,736 You admittin' you're a pillow princess? 690 00:37:16,819 --> 00:37:18,780 - Okay, what is that? 691 00:37:20,197 --> 00:37:21,908 - Oh. 692 00:37:21,991 --> 00:37:23,409 You know, like, um... 693 00:37:23,492 --> 00:37:27,121 Your head's always on the pillow, and you don't really do much else. 694 00:37:28,039 --> 00:37:31,167 - Stop. - That is totally what I am! 695 00:37:31,250 --> 00:37:33,502 Oh, no! 696 00:37:33,585 --> 00:37:35,838 See? I don't even know the lingo. 697 00:37:35,922 --> 00:37:37,924 You don't need to know the lingo. 698 00:37:40,384 --> 00:37:41,593 Look. 699 00:37:44,806 --> 00:37:46,348 We'll ease into it, okay? 700 00:37:47,516 --> 00:37:50,061 All right? You don't have to do anything you don't wanna do. 701 00:37:52,772 --> 00:37:54,315 You're ready when you're ready. 702 00:38:00,529 --> 00:38:01,989 You taste like vagina. 703 00:38:43,948 --> 00:38:47,284 So, did you figure it out yet, you piece of shit? 704 00:38:49,078 --> 00:38:51,497 Rub my nose in it. Thanks. 705 00:38:52,248 --> 00:38:53,540 What happened? 706 00:38:55,042 --> 00:38:56,502 -I went to visit her. -Mmm-hmm. 707 00:38:57,044 --> 00:38:58,045 Made it worse. 708 00:38:58,129 --> 00:39:01,757 Well, did you make it about her? Or did you make it about yourself? 709 00:39:02,424 --> 00:39:03,550 I apologized to her. 710 00:39:03,634 --> 00:39:05,011 I thought you didn't do anything wrong. 711 00:39:06,428 --> 00:39:08,680 Yeah. Well, I didn't. 712 00:39:09,390 --> 00:39:11,976 That makes my apology even more meaningful. 713 00:39:12,059 --> 00:39:13,310 Only if it's genuine. 714 00:39:14,145 --> 00:39:16,188 - Who made up all these rules? 715 00:39:16,272 --> 00:39:18,149 Do you want me to call you a piece of shit again? 716 00:39:18,232 --> 00:39:19,775 Would that be more helpful? 717 00:39:23,612 --> 00:39:26,657 I gotta tell Caputo how everything went down. 718 00:39:26,740 --> 00:39:27,950 That's the only way to get her out of there. 719 00:39:28,034 --> 00:39:29,618 Won't you lose your job? 720 00:39:31,078 --> 00:39:32,121 Most definitely. 721 00:39:32,204 --> 00:39:36,333 Well, that is the most idiotic plan that I have ever heard. 722 00:39:36,417 --> 00:39:40,171 Now, this is comin' from a lady who once tried to sell her own line of ketchup. 723 00:39:41,005 --> 00:39:43,925 But... Heinz is the only ketchup. 724 00:39:44,008 --> 00:39:46,010 Nobody wants fancy ketchup. 725 00:39:46,510 --> 00:39:48,262 Where were you in '96? 726 00:39:49,180 --> 00:39:52,099 - I was 14. - Oh, go fuck yourself. 727 00:39:53,559 --> 00:39:56,062 Honey, you can't confess. 728 00:39:56,145 --> 00:39:58,814 It's not gonna do you or her a lick of good. 729 00:39:58,898 --> 00:40:02,276 And besides, nobody ever confesses because it's the right thing to do. 730 00:40:02,359 --> 00:40:04,528 They confess out of self-interest. 731 00:40:05,446 --> 00:40:06,822 -Yes, exactly! -Hmm. 732 00:40:06,906 --> 00:40:08,991 I can't keep carrying around all this guilt! 733 00:40:09,491 --> 00:40:12,078 Well, sounds like you're gonna have to, my friend. 734 00:40:14,538 --> 00:40:16,373 Now, can I get me some of that? 735 00:40:17,499 --> 00:40:20,252 Come on, butterscotch is my favorite. 736 00:40:23,464 --> 00:40:24,590 Thank you. 737 00:40:28,052 --> 00:40:29,511 Mmm! 738 00:40:30,679 --> 00:40:32,764 I really don't like feelings. 739 00:40:35,184 --> 00:40:36,393 Uh-uh. 740 00:40:36,477 --> 00:40:37,894 Puff, puff, pass. 741 00:40:42,733 --> 00:40:45,277 Charleston, West Virginia. 742 00:40:46,695 --> 00:40:49,323 Madison, Wisconsin. 743 00:40:51,033 --> 00:40:53,827 Cheyenne, Wyoming. 744 00:40:54,661 --> 00:40:56,956 Montgomery, Alabama. 745 00:40:57,039 --> 00:40:58,082 You, cleaning lady. 746 00:40:58,165 --> 00:40:59,916 We need a mop in room 12. 747 00:41:00,917 --> 00:41:06,423 Well, I prefer Ms. Cleaning Lady, but sure, demean me. 748 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:29,530 Where's Burset? 749 00:41:30,531 --> 00:41:32,158 Shut up and do your work... 750 00:41:32,241 --> 00:41:34,743 Ms. Cleaning Lady. We need that cell. 751 00:41:47,714 --> 00:41:49,758 - Good morning to you, too. 752 00:41:54,721 --> 00:41:55,722 What's up? 753 00:41:55,806 --> 00:41:57,516 Mmm-mmm. 754 00:42:01,020 --> 00:42:02,146 What? 755 00:42:05,441 --> 00:42:07,609 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey. 756 00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:10,196 You don't have to do that. 757 00:42:10,279 --> 00:42:12,823 -But-- -Look, I don't want you to do that 758 00:42:12,906 --> 00:42:15,326 'cause you think that's what I want. 759 00:42:15,409 --> 00:42:18,454 I want you to want to do it. You feel me? 760 00:42:19,288 --> 00:42:20,872 I don't wanna screw this up again. 761 00:42:25,294 --> 00:42:27,003 What's... what's going on up there? 762 00:42:34,428 --> 00:42:36,597 What if I never want to? 763 00:42:37,348 --> 00:42:40,517 I just have all these questions, you know? Like... 764 00:42:40,601 --> 00:42:42,228 what does this mean? 765 00:42:43,354 --> 00:42:45,647 What would happen if we both got out? 766 00:42:50,486 --> 00:42:51,487 I... 767 00:42:53,864 --> 00:42:55,866 I don't know if this would be enough for me. 768 00:42:57,284 --> 00:43:00,246 You mean, you don't know if I would be enough for you. 769 00:43:00,329 --> 00:43:04,875 But... No, it's not you. You are amazing. 770 00:43:05,626 --> 00:43:08,462 But you're a girl. 771 00:43:08,545 --> 00:43:10,506 So you're saying you don't wanna be with me. 772 00:43:10,589 --> 00:43:11,590 No. 773 00:43:12,591 --> 00:43:13,592 I... 774 00:43:14,635 --> 00:43:16,470 I just don't know... 775 00:43:17,513 --> 00:43:21,016 if I'll ever be what you need me to be. 776 00:43:21,100 --> 00:43:22,893 You gotta let me handle that. 777 00:43:23,852 --> 00:43:25,187 What do you mean? 778 00:43:27,439 --> 00:43:30,901 Look, maybe... 779 00:43:32,486 --> 00:43:34,905 this challenges what you thought you were. 780 00:43:37,533 --> 00:43:42,246 And... maybe I'm gonna get my heart broken in a thousand different pieces. 781 00:43:43,289 --> 00:43:44,790 But those are maybes. 782 00:43:47,126 --> 00:43:49,336 You can't live your life accordin' to maybes. 783 00:43:54,341 --> 00:43:55,342 I love you. 784 00:44:00,181 --> 00:44:01,182 You do? 785 00:44:07,396 --> 00:44:09,273 I love you, too. 786 00:44:21,702 --> 00:44:24,330 She can see us. Move over. 787 00:44:33,214 --> 00:44:34,840 I have 11 cards. 788 00:44:34,923 --> 00:44:36,425 You're supposed to have 11 cards. 789 00:44:36,508 --> 00:44:38,260 - Okay, good. That's good. 790 00:44:38,344 --> 00:44:40,053 Then, that... No, this is awesome. 791 00:44:40,721 --> 00:44:41,805 Hey, Alex. 792 00:44:42,889 --> 00:44:44,183 Can I talk to you for a sec? 793 00:44:45,267 --> 00:44:47,143 -Alone? -Whatever you need to say to me, 794 00:44:47,228 --> 00:44:49,104 you can say in front of my good friend, Lolly, here. 795 00:44:49,187 --> 00:44:50,814 That's me. I'm the good friend. 796 00:44:50,897 --> 00:44:52,649 I didn't know you two were so close. 797 00:44:52,733 --> 00:44:55,026 Oh, you didn't get the, uh, friend announcement that we sent out? 798 00:44:56,278 --> 00:44:59,531 I'm kind of in a rush, but I would really like to talk to you. 799 00:44:59,615 --> 00:45:01,199 It's not laundry day. 800 00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:04,620 Well, I've got a lot of dirty stuff, so... 801 00:45:06,747 --> 00:45:09,625 Okay. Cool. 802 00:45:10,542 --> 00:45:12,669 What did you mean when you said you were right? 803 00:45:16,006 --> 00:45:17,966 Nothing, I just... 804 00:45:18,049 --> 00:45:20,761 I just knew you were gonna get swept up in all that. 805 00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:24,139 Oh. 806 00:45:25,140 --> 00:45:29,478 Well, they say hindsight is 20/20, so... 807 00:45:29,561 --> 00:45:30,771 See you later. 808 00:45:33,274 --> 00:45:38,320 Okay, that was like watching a really bad play. 809 00:45:56,588 --> 00:45:58,214 What the hell is this mess doin' here? 810 00:45:58,299 --> 00:46:00,384 We had it cleared 20 minutes ago, sir. 811 00:46:00,467 --> 00:46:02,969 I left to go on rounds, and by the time I came back, 812 00:46:03,053 --> 00:46:04,971 it was up again. We can't keep on top of it. 813 00:46:05,055 --> 00:46:07,558 Well, take care of it. Now. 814 00:46:09,142 --> 00:46:12,062 - Hey, you have a place to sleep. - Ow! What the fuck? 815 00:46:12,145 --> 00:46:14,523 Rouse it up! You have quarters. 816 00:46:14,606 --> 00:46:17,943 - Who the fuck just kicked me? - Wake-up time. 817 00:46:18,026 --> 00:46:19,820 - I was just-- 818 00:46:19,903 --> 00:46:22,448 Get these pillows, get these sheets, fold them. 819 00:46:22,531 --> 00:46:24,115 It hasn't even healed yet! 820 00:46:24,199 --> 00:46:25,701 Come on. 821 00:46:25,784 --> 00:46:29,955 You don't need your own tepee. This is a prison, not a sleepover. 822 00:46:30,038 --> 00:46:32,458 Oh, shit! Yo, warden! 823 00:46:32,541 --> 00:46:35,251 Hey, yo. Long time no see, man. 824 00:46:35,336 --> 00:46:36,670 Yo, how's it hanging? 825 00:46:36,753 --> 00:46:40,048 -Hey, looking sharp, huh? -Step back, inmate. 826 00:46:40,131 --> 00:46:41,257 We have this handled, sir. 827 00:46:41,342 --> 00:46:43,051 --Hey, Mr. Caputo. 828 00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:46,012 Look at this. It's a basket I've been making. 829 00:46:46,096 --> 00:46:47,348 You wanna know how? 830 00:46:47,431 --> 00:46:49,891 -Sure. -I've been unraveling all the socks 831 00:46:49,975 --> 00:46:51,309 that people throw away. 832 00:46:51,393 --> 00:46:55,772 Individually dyeing each strand with the pink soap in the bathroom, 833 00:46:55,856 --> 00:46:59,610 or the green mush, I think it's peas, and other stuff with color. 834 00:46:59,693 --> 00:47:04,948 Then, I took the string and I weaved it over trash bags. 835 00:47:05,031 --> 00:47:07,618 Three hundred hours. Still not done. 836 00:47:07,701 --> 00:47:09,953 Yeah, idle time is the devil's workshop. 837 00:47:10,036 --> 00:47:11,705 When do we get to work? 838 00:47:11,788 --> 00:47:14,625 Yeah, I can't pay for nothin' at commissary. 839 00:47:14,708 --> 00:47:16,918 Age discrimination. That's what I'm calling it. 840 00:47:17,002 --> 00:47:19,713 Inmates, back up. 841 00:47:19,796 --> 00:47:21,339 I'll have this under control in five minutes-- 842 00:47:21,423 --> 00:47:22,591 I've got this. 843 00:47:24,843 --> 00:47:29,097 Ladies, I have heard your complaints... 844 00:47:29,180 --> 00:47:32,601 and trust me, they have not fallen on deaf ears. 845 00:47:33,226 --> 00:47:35,270 In fact, I can't tell you much yet, 846 00:47:35,353 --> 00:47:40,651 but we have an exciting new educational program that will be announced soon. 847 00:47:40,734 --> 00:47:42,653 Bringin' back the GED program? 848 00:47:42,736 --> 00:47:44,905 - Yeah, remember that one? - Mmm. 849 00:47:44,988 --> 00:47:47,032 I think you'll all be very satisfied. 850 00:47:47,115 --> 00:47:49,701 In the meantime, hang in there. 851 00:47:49,785 --> 00:47:52,328 Keep your heads up, okay? And... 852 00:47:53,539 --> 00:47:56,875 take care of each other. This is beautiful work. 853 00:47:56,958 --> 00:48:00,045 Thanks. And I'll believe it when I see it. 854 00:48:00,128 --> 00:48:02,380 -You'll see it. -All right, let's go. Make a path. 855 00:48:02,464 --> 00:48:03,924 Let's make a path. 856 00:48:05,676 --> 00:48:06,927 Caputo! 857 00:48:07,010 --> 00:48:11,181 Caputo! Caputo! Caputo! 858 00:48:15,143 --> 00:48:17,353 -What happened to you? -I'm not sure. 859 00:48:20,023 --> 00:48:22,568 -She's still out? -Goin' on hour 19 now. 860 00:48:27,030 --> 00:48:28,865 Guess she really needed to sleep. 861 00:48:29,700 --> 00:48:31,702 I'm sorry, okay? 862 00:48:31,785 --> 00:48:33,912 God, why is everyone always so mad at me? 863 00:48:34,913 --> 00:48:36,081 You think she's dead? 864 00:48:37,207 --> 00:48:39,918 I don't like her that much, but I wouldn't want her to be dead or nothin'. 865 00:48:40,001 --> 00:48:43,088 We'd have heard if she was dead. Ain't no secrets in this place. 866 00:48:43,171 --> 00:48:46,758 But if she is dead, I call dibs on those little glasses she wears on a string. 867 00:48:46,842 --> 00:48:48,635 I think my eyes are starting to go. 868 00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:50,762 Looks like it's your lucky day, inmate. 869 00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:53,306 Yo, what the fuck are you doing? 870 00:48:53,389 --> 00:48:55,851 -Get off me, man. Ouch! -Nah, I don't think I will. 871 00:48:55,934 --> 00:48:57,102 We searched your bunks. 872 00:48:57,185 --> 00:48:58,979 Found some interesting evidence under your bed. 873 00:48:59,062 --> 00:49:00,689 -What? What? -Underwear evidence. 874 00:49:00,772 --> 00:49:02,190 Dude, you blew the mystery. 875 00:49:02,273 --> 00:49:04,568 Oh, come on. Like she doesn't know what's under her own bunk? 876 00:49:10,824 --> 00:49:12,659 What the fuck? 877 00:49:13,910 --> 00:49:17,831 As I understand, Cindy, you need a cell phone. 878 00:49:17,914 --> 00:49:20,834 -Mmm-hmm. -Abdullah, you have a cell phone. 879 00:49:20,917 --> 00:49:24,963 I am sure we can reach some sort of agreement for this problem. 880 00:49:25,046 --> 00:49:28,049 No, the problem is she gobblin' up all my real estate 881 00:49:28,133 --> 00:49:29,676 like some hateful Monopoly shoe. 882 00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:33,889 I am always the car in Monopoly. 883 00:49:34,681 --> 00:49:35,891 You know... 884 00:49:35,974 --> 00:49:40,478 I never did shit to you except claim what was rightfully mine. 885 00:49:41,354 --> 00:49:44,107 They gave me a bed, I slept in it. 886 00:49:44,190 --> 00:49:47,318 And ever since, you been makin' this bunk an unsafe place. 887 00:49:49,362 --> 00:49:52,658 See, that's funny, 'cause I think nine out of ten experts would agree 888 00:49:52,741 --> 00:49:55,619 that you made shit unsafe when you put a bomb in here. 889 00:49:55,702 --> 00:49:59,706 I retaliated against actions you took. 890 00:49:59,790 --> 00:50:01,917 - Oh, hell, no... 891 00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:06,254 Ladies! Ladies. Let's remember to use "I" statements, please. 892 00:50:06,337 --> 00:50:09,925 Seems like diggin' up the past ain't gonna get us nowhere. 893 00:50:10,008 --> 00:50:15,556 Let's try to remember to stay focused on moving forward. 894 00:50:16,723 --> 00:50:18,266 Fine. 895 00:50:18,349 --> 00:50:20,310 I... want in. 896 00:50:20,393 --> 00:50:23,605 You can use the phone for however long you want, 897 00:50:23,689 --> 00:50:26,983 if I get 25% of the payday you get from that magazine. 898 00:50:28,359 --> 00:50:30,445 - Seems fair to me. Cindy? 899 00:50:32,823 --> 00:50:34,157 I don't trust her. 900 00:50:34,908 --> 00:50:38,078 So? You think people trusted L. Ron Hubbard? 901 00:50:38,870 --> 00:50:41,164 Fuck, no. But that don't stop Scientologists 902 00:50:41,247 --> 00:50:43,458 from handing over fistfuls of money to him. 903 00:50:43,541 --> 00:50:46,127 I know! Hold... 904 00:50:46,211 --> 00:50:49,172 -You read Going Clear? -Of course! 905 00:50:49,255 --> 00:50:52,217 How about when that crazy psycho told his wife 906 00:50:52,300 --> 00:50:54,469 to kill herself so he wouldn't have to get divorced? 907 00:50:54,552 --> 00:50:56,387 -I know, man! I know! -Mmm-hmm. 908 00:50:56,471 --> 00:50:58,348 You know them fuckers don't even pay taxes? 909 00:50:58,431 --> 00:51:00,851 -Oh, girl! -And we're the criminals? 910 00:51:00,934 --> 00:51:03,604 I heard that. Oh, I got a theory! 911 00:51:03,687 --> 00:51:04,813 - What's your theory, dawg? 912 00:51:04,896 --> 00:51:07,482 What if he like Tupac? Not really dead. 913 00:51:07,565 --> 00:51:09,067 -Mmm. -Still alive? 914 00:51:09,150 --> 00:51:10,986 - Alive! 915 00:51:13,029 --> 00:51:15,949 -They're not mine. -I should hope not. 916 00:51:16,032 --> 00:51:18,785 That's a lot of dirty underpants for one girl... 917 00:51:18,869 --> 00:51:21,454 -in a lot of different sizes. -Yeah, I didn't do nothing. 918 00:51:21,537 --> 00:51:24,916 See, that's where our perspectives start to diverge, Ruiz... 919 00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,418 because the evidence says otherwise. 920 00:51:27,502 --> 00:51:28,754 Come on. 921 00:51:30,088 --> 00:51:31,757 Everyone knows that's Chapman's gig. 922 00:51:32,423 --> 00:51:33,925 - Chapman? 923 00:51:34,009 --> 00:51:37,721 Who started the very task force that uncovered your illegal operation? 924 00:51:37,804 --> 00:51:40,390 I don't think so. 925 00:51:40,473 --> 00:51:43,059 That's it, isn't it, right? 926 00:51:43,143 --> 00:51:45,311 If I was white and blonde, 927 00:51:45,395 --> 00:51:48,564 you wouldn't think so about me, either. 928 00:51:48,649 --> 00:51:52,193 Well, that's some corrupt racist bullshit you're runnin' 'round here. 929 00:51:53,319 --> 00:51:56,865 In light of your crimes... I will be recommending 930 00:51:56,948 --> 00:52:00,869 that the judge add three to five years to your sentence. 931 00:52:02,287 --> 00:52:04,205 Uh... what? 932 00:52:05,373 --> 00:52:08,168 Are you-- You can't do that. 933 00:52:09,169 --> 00:52:12,881 Come on, just send me to the SHU for a couple of weeks and get it over with. 934 00:52:12,964 --> 00:52:16,718 It's fucking underwear! We're not talking about drugs here! Jesus! 935 00:52:17,468 --> 00:52:18,553 That would be easy, right? 936 00:52:18,636 --> 00:52:21,347 Send you away for a couple weeks, forget this ever happened. 937 00:52:22,223 --> 00:52:25,018 Well, that's not how things work around here anymore, inmate. 938 00:52:25,518 --> 00:52:27,062 - You stole property... 939 00:52:27,145 --> 00:52:30,732 ...from a private company and started a for-profit business. 940 00:52:30,816 --> 00:52:33,401 You organized inmates. 941 00:52:33,484 --> 00:52:34,945 You ask me, 942 00:52:35,028 --> 00:52:37,613 -looks a whole lot like gang activity... -Oh, come on. 943 00:52:37,698 --> 00:52:40,701 ...which you would know a lot about, wouldn't you? 944 00:52:40,784 --> 00:52:42,035 Isn't that the family business? 945 00:52:43,411 --> 00:52:45,914 You know what we do with gang leaders, Ruiz? 946 00:52:46,998 --> 00:52:48,709 We make examples of 'em. 947 00:52:50,126 --> 00:52:53,171 So get back down there and tell your muchachas 948 00:52:53,254 --> 00:52:55,173 how poor choices... 949 00:52:55,256 --> 00:52:56,299 can ruin a life. 950 00:52:57,759 --> 00:52:59,219 Maybe cry... 951 00:52:59,928 --> 00:53:01,262 'cause it's so sad. 952 00:53:15,110 --> 00:53:19,405 Just say thank you, and then get back to being your cute, gruff self. 953 00:53:20,907 --> 00:53:23,910 -Excuse me? -I solved your problem. Say thank you. 954 00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:28,039 - What problem? - With your little friend? 955 00:53:28,664 --> 00:53:29,665 I don't understand. 956 00:53:29,750 --> 00:53:31,709 Oh, honey. 957 00:53:31,793 --> 00:53:34,504 A little money and a good lawyer go a long way. 958 00:53:34,587 --> 00:53:37,257 Then why are you in prison? 959 00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:41,386 You don't wanna fuck with the IRS, that's all I can tell you. 960 00:53:42,720 --> 00:53:43,764 So she's really comin' back? 961 00:53:43,847 --> 00:53:47,392 Ugh. Don't look at me like I am some kind of saint. 962 00:53:48,226 --> 00:53:50,478 You're my only friend in here. 963 00:53:50,561 --> 00:53:53,231 I was not about to let you make some kind of stupid decision 964 00:53:53,314 --> 00:53:55,691 and leave me here all by myself. 965 00:53:55,776 --> 00:53:57,819 Nor could I take your bellyaching anymore. 966 00:53:57,903 --> 00:54:00,113 --Two birds, one stone. 967 00:54:00,196 --> 00:54:02,740 Now, get over here. 968 00:54:02,824 --> 00:54:04,242 Have a seat. 969 00:54:05,326 --> 00:54:06,494 I'm-- I really shouldn't. 970 00:54:06,577 --> 00:54:09,747 If you close that door, nobody will know you're in here. 971 00:54:17,005 --> 00:54:18,256 Oh, I'm sorry. 972 00:54:18,339 --> 00:54:20,341 Did I make it sound like you had a choice? 973 00:54:22,343 --> 00:54:23,845 I took care of you. 974 00:54:25,388 --> 00:54:28,266 Now you are gonna take care of me. 975 00:54:29,350 --> 00:54:31,311 Butterscotch. 976 00:54:52,082 --> 00:54:54,250 -Stay cool. -What's happening? 977 00:54:54,334 --> 00:54:55,877 I was a shark. 978 00:54:55,961 --> 00:54:57,003 I made a move. 979 00:55:02,300 --> 00:55:05,595 I am going to bury you! 980 00:55:05,678 --> 00:55:09,140 You're never coming back from this. Never. 981 00:55:16,231 --> 00:55:17,357 What did you do? 982 00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:20,526 I had to protect my people. 983 00:55:22,820 --> 00:55:24,030 I had to. 984 00:55:28,201 --> 00:55:29,577 You okay? 985 00:55:34,540 --> 00:55:36,751 They're giving me more time. 986 00:55:36,834 --> 00:55:39,837 This bitch frames me, and they're stealing my life. 987 00:55:39,921 --> 00:55:41,256 What? Over fucking panties? 988 00:55:41,339 --> 00:55:42,924 Yo, my baby girl's gonna be in kindergarten 989 00:55:43,008 --> 00:55:44,634 by the time I get outta here now. 990 00:55:45,510 --> 00:55:46,719 That bitch is mine. 991 00:55:53,143 --> 00:55:55,270 Fuck it. 992 00:55:56,271 --> 00:55:58,356 -We goin' legit. -Fuck, yeah. 993 00:55:58,439 --> 00:55:59,690 You talkin' 'bout drugs? 994 00:55:59,774 --> 00:56:01,734 -Yes, you idiot. -All right. 995 00:56:01,817 --> 00:56:03,361 It's about time we was for real. 996 00:56:29,179 --> 00:56:30,430 I'm here about the thing. 997 00:56:34,642 --> 00:56:35,936 You understand the payment? 998 00:56:56,247 --> 00:56:58,166 Need your signature on this. 999 00:57:04,005 --> 00:57:05,048 Nichols? 1000 00:57:06,591 --> 00:57:07,800 Huh. 1001 00:57:08,718 --> 00:57:11,512 Well, my prodigal daughter returneth. 1002 00:57:25,193 --> 00:57:26,861 Payment first.