1 00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:26,462 How are we supposed to clean the floors 2 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:30,549 with nonstop bitches tracking their shit through? 3 00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:33,011 We are like he whom the gods have condemned 4 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:37,724 to push the boulder up the hill only to watch it roll back down. 5 00:01:37,807 --> 00:01:38,892 Oh, right, right, right, right. 6 00:01:38,975 --> 00:01:42,520 And then he has to cut his arm off to get out from underneath it. 7 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,273 What is that guy's name? Oh, James Franco! 8 00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:46,565 Sisyphus. 9 00:01:46,650 --> 00:01:48,359 I did hear that rumor. 10 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,780 You know those Hollywood types, they will stick it in any warm hole. 11 00:01:51,863 --> 00:01:55,158 Well, you don't have to be from Hollywood to wanna put it in a warm place. 12 00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:56,284 It's called having a dick. 13 00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:57,744 No, my Vinnie would never. 14 00:01:57,827 --> 00:02:02,581 Well, maybe not in a man-hole, but you away a long time. 15 00:02:02,666 --> 00:02:06,711 He could be getting his M&M melting in some ho's mouth 16 00:02:06,795 --> 00:02:08,171 and not in his hand. 17 00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:12,591 No. No, that's never gonna happen because we're talking sexy on the phone, 18 00:02:12,676 --> 00:02:15,594 like, 24/7, and I mean real sexy. 19 00:02:15,679 --> 00:02:17,055 And I give very good phone. 20 00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:20,183 Are we talking about peanut M&M's or regular? 21 00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:25,188 Inmate Jefferson, Tasha Jefferson, 22 00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:27,106 report to the warden's office. 23 00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:29,483 Inmate Tasha Jefferson to the warden's office. 24 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:32,528 Who's Tasha Jefferson? Oh, Taystee? 25 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:34,113 Taystee, go to the warden's office. 26 00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:35,406 We have a warden? 27 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,617 -Your name's Tasha? -What is this about? 28 00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:45,249 The main thing is answering the phones and organizational stuff. 29 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,877 General assisting. 30 00:02:49,921 --> 00:02:52,131 I don't know. I've never had an assistant before. 31 00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,549 We will figure it out together. 32 00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:56,052 And you swear this is legit? 33 00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:57,511 'Cause I seen Shawshank 34 00:02:57,595 --> 00:03:01,182 and I don't wanna go to Seg because I did your taxes too good. 35 00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,391 I guarantee you, 36 00:03:02,475 --> 00:03:05,228 you will never see anything with my social security number on it. 37 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,604 Never say never. 38 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,189 You work for MCC. 39 00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:11,359 Maybe one day you realize you need food stamps 40 00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:13,111 and you don't know how to fill out the forms. 41 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:14,320 Well, I'm your girl. 42 00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:17,156 I can walk you through it, but I'm gonna need them digits. 43 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,159 However... I'm a vault. 44 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,203 I don't say nothing. 45 00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:25,957 And I ain't never crawling through a tunnel of piss and dookie, so rest easy. 46 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:30,336 Okay. As of now, you're off janitorial and you're with me. 47 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:31,963 Praise Jesus. 48 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,298 Every day. When I'm working, you're working. 49 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,550 Is this 'cause I won at job fair? 50 00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:39,888 - Sure. - I told them bitches. 51 00:03:39,971 --> 00:03:43,432 Take a clipboard, write things down, look busy. 52 00:03:44,726 --> 00:03:46,895 Outside. 53 00:03:49,731 --> 00:03:51,983 Alert! Alert! Alert! 54 00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,360 -What? -Mmm! 55 00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:59,115 What? Healy's just showing her around. 56 00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:02,201 Frieda's over there. It's all good. 57 00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:06,372 Why does she get some special garden tour like some fancy Shiba Inu? 58 00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:09,542 She's a celebrity, okay? 59 00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:11,002 Fucking relax. 60 00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:13,712 Uh... 61 00:04:13,797 --> 00:04:17,591 Not okay. Not... Not really relaxed. 62 00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:20,469 I think you are way too relaxed... 63 00:04:20,553 --> 00:04:24,057 to be in this big, brown shit-uation that we're in! 64 00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:26,267 Lolly, believe me. 65 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:30,229 My insides have completely liquefied and I wanna vomit all the time... 66 00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:34,608 but I have chosen to keep my voice low and appear calm. 67 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,069 You have to do the same. 68 00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:39,238 - I can't. - You have to. 69 00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:41,574 - Look at me. You... 70 00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:44,160 Listen. You have to. 71 00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:50,124 Change the record in your head. Play, "He was a bad man. 72 00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:52,836 We did what we had to do and we did it well. 73 00:04:52,919 --> 00:04:54,212 So now it's through." 74 00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:56,672 It's a mantra. Say it. 75 00:04:57,841 --> 00:05:00,301 "We did what we had to do and we did it well." 76 00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:04,680 You forgot the bad man part. And the end. 77 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:07,100 But that's the idea. 78 00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:11,645 So whenever you're feeling worried, whenever your thoughts start to... wander, 79 00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:15,066 just bring them back to the mantra... and then come and find me. 80 00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:16,359 Okay? 81 00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:20,363 "He was a bad man who did bad things well, 82 00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:21,655 and now he's gone." 83 00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:22,991 Got it! 84 00:05:23,074 --> 00:05:26,535 "He was a bad man, now he's gone from the well..." 85 00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:30,957 Now that is one happy tomato. 86 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,791 I hope I do as well here. 87 00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:34,710 -Hey, there's a good idea. -Hmm. 88 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,130 Maybe we should fertilize our women, too. 89 00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:39,883 --I do love your good intentions. 90 00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:42,843 - Hey, Judy. - Hey. 91 00:05:42,927 --> 00:05:43,970 Hi. 92 00:05:45,889 --> 00:05:47,140 You've got quite a following. 93 00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:49,893 Yeah, I was hoping the novelty would wear off soon. 94 00:05:49,976 --> 00:05:52,520 Might have to hide myself in that corn. 95 00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:55,689 Oh, look, how beautiful! 96 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:56,857 Help yourself. 97 00:05:56,941 --> 00:05:58,401 Oh! All right. 98 00:05:59,986 --> 00:06:01,612 Oh, really? 99 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,198 Free-for-all on the produce now, huh? 100 00:06:04,282 --> 00:06:06,117 Regardless of who's in the club. 101 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:10,288 Who's worked the soil, pulled the weeds, tended the seedlings. 102 00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:11,830 Is that the new policy? 103 00:06:11,915 --> 00:06:15,126 -This is Judy King. -Oh, I know who she is. 104 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:19,088 I've seen her... daytime TV program. 105 00:06:19,172 --> 00:06:21,715 But we haven't had the pleasure. 106 00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:24,718 Mrs. King is going to be joining your club, Red. 107 00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:27,138 So I'll leave you to it. 108 00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,140 -Thank you. -Yeah. 109 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:31,725 I'm sure you'll find a lot in common. 110 00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:33,602 Hair and... 111 00:06:33,686 --> 00:06:34,728 accents. 112 00:06:36,105 --> 00:06:38,649 You know, my daddy used to call me "Red." 113 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,859 Really? That's sweet. 114 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:46,365 My papa called me solnyshko. It means little sun. 115 00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:49,994 But I've grown bigger and hotter since then, and he's dead. 116 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:54,832 So what are you going to do with that ear, now that you've picked it? 117 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,336 Well, I guess that depends on what else I can find around here. 118 00:06:58,419 --> 00:07:01,839 I could do a Southern fried corn, a dilled corn shooter, 119 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,674 Taiwanese-style street corn. 120 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,301 Listen to fancy pants. 121 00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,386 I could shove it up your ass. 122 00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:10,098 Hmm, I'm not so big on ass play. 123 00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:13,476 What do you suggest I do, Miss Red? 124 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,312 I'm thinking. 125 00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:23,027 - Can I have some seeds? 126 00:07:23,111 --> 00:07:26,155 You bought Ovaltine. Reap what you sow. 127 00:07:26,239 --> 00:07:27,531 Ovaltine's got vitamins. 128 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:31,119 I'll trade you Ovaltine powder later for some seeds now. I'm good for it. 129 00:07:31,202 --> 00:07:32,578 No deal. 130 00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:35,957 You'll regret it. That's some malty goodness you're passing up. 131 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,585 Excuse me? 132 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:43,797 You knew going into this I had bad knees. My feet are killing me. 133 00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:45,174 We are putting out a vibe. 134 00:07:45,258 --> 00:07:47,843 If you are sitting and/or eating my seeds, no vibe. 135 00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:51,847 Right now, there is no vibe. See? Look at this. 136 00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:55,851 -All of a sudden, I'm approachable. -Picking up or dropping off? 137 00:07:56,769 --> 00:07:58,771 Neither. We're out. 138 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,481 I gave you guys new ones yesterday. 139 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,277 We're hanging up our lacy intimates. 140 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,487 If this is because of the money Stella took, I'm good for it. 141 00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:07,571 I'll pay you back. 142 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:12,368 It's not worth it anymore. We're smelling the beginning of the end. 143 00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:14,328 You and all your posturing, 144 00:08:14,412 --> 00:08:16,998 shipping the kangaroo down the hill. 145 00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:21,585 It's starting to feel dangerous. You've even got a heavy on the payroll. 146 00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:23,296 Ha! I see what you did there. 147 00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:26,007 -"Heavy." -Not on purpose. 148 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,842 Fine, jump ship like rats. 149 00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:31,054 And I'm not talking about the Disney-Pixar kind. 150 00:08:31,137 --> 00:08:33,514 I was gonna fire one of you anyway, but I'm not gonna say which one. 151 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:34,682 Chew on that. 152 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,936 We're gonna take a walk on the track, you wanna join us, kahuna? 153 00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:40,771 No, she does not. She's got bad knees. 154 00:08:42,273 --> 00:08:43,399 Enjoy sweating for free. 155 00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:46,902 I expect all my undies still in your possession returned posthaste. 156 00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,988 "Posthaste"? That's nuts. 157 00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:53,826 -Do you have something to say? -Sure. 158 00:08:55,453 --> 00:08:57,871 But I'll wait till I'm with my friends. 159 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,709 Off the backboard. 160 00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,420 - Oh! 161 00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:07,590 Short, black and bad at basketball. 162 00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:12,386 -Subverting expectations since 1990. -Oh, it's okay. 163 00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:15,681 Litchfield's latest lesbos, in fun-size. 164 00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:17,933 Look, how much longer do you think 165 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,103 the world's longest game of Horse is gonna go on? 166 00:09:20,186 --> 00:09:22,355 She ain't a lesbian. 167 00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:23,939 I see. 168 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,859 Testing the waters before diving in face-first? 169 00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:29,362 I'm attracted to people, not genders. 170 00:09:29,445 --> 00:09:32,906 Well, aren't you special. 171 00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:35,951 Tell you what, why don't you use some of that sexual fluidity 172 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,579 to slide off the court so the real men can play? 173 00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:41,249 Come on. 174 00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:45,378 Even though I do think labeling is a total sham... 175 00:09:45,461 --> 00:09:47,671 I see the power in reclaiming an epithet. 176 00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,840 Like you guys have with "nigga." 177 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:55,346 Okay, maybe not that exactly. 178 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:58,056 But... I really like you. 179 00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:02,645 Like, really a lot. And I just-- 180 00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:06,607 I wanna honor your feelings, you know, if you wanna call this something. 181 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:10,611 Like, we're girlfriend-girlfriend, or... 182 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,280 lezzy togezzy. 183 00:10:12,363 --> 00:10:13,489 I don't know. 184 00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:18,952 How about we say we're happy, yeah? Leave it at that? 185 00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,996 Okay. 186 00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,080 Oh, shit. 187 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:26,544 Hey! Hi! Hi... 188 00:10:27,211 --> 00:10:29,213 Judy, I'm... 189 00:10:29,297 --> 00:10:30,714 Hey, girl. 190 00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:34,218 You're... Fuck! 191 00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:40,724 It is so cute how moony you get every time she's around. 192 00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:43,561 By "cute" you mean, "lame as fuck." 193 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:46,439 Well, yeah. You need to pull it together. 194 00:10:46,522 --> 00:10:49,942 I mean, she's a person you admire, but she's still just a person. 195 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,694 A person. Right. 196 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:54,738 You should be able to have a conversation with anyone. 197 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:57,241 Hi, I'm Brook. I'm your neighbor. 198 00:10:57,325 --> 00:10:59,618 I was wondering if you'd heard about the plans to build a Walmart 199 00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:01,162 at the corner of Exposition and Euclid? 200 00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:02,371 Yeah, I heard about it. 201 00:11:02,455 --> 00:11:05,458 Well, I'm one of a group of citizens trying to convince the city council 202 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,418 to turn that lot into a park space instead. 203 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:10,296 I was wondering if you'd be willing to have a friendly discussion, 204 00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:12,089 or maybe even sign our petition? 205 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:15,509 - Sure... if you take your top off. 206 00:11:15,593 --> 00:11:17,428 -Okay, that is inappropriate. -Yes. 207 00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:20,514 Inappropriate things do happen out there. How would you handle it? 208 00:11:20,598 --> 00:11:23,976 You really think a grown man is gonna ask me to take my top off? 209 00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:29,022 Well, there's a sex offender at 3134 10th Street. He might. 210 00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:31,191 No, you do not have to go to the sex offender's house. 211 00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:34,903 No one has to knock on any door that makes him or her feel uncomfortable. 212 00:11:34,987 --> 00:11:39,116 But I do urge you all to be bold and stretch yourself. 213 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,994 By the way, has everyone signed their liability waivers? 214 00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:44,330 Oh, shit. 215 00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:47,040 I hear he likes little boys. 216 00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:49,710 Little boy, Asian girl, are they really that far apart? 217 00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:52,338 You said our break-up was going to be amicable. 218 00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:55,966 Yeah, I said a lot of things. So did you, like, "I love you. 219 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,886 I'll always love you. This is not because of Oren." 220 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:00,346 Wait, what? 221 00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:03,098 She dumped me to get with you. I'm not sweet enough arm-candy. 222 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:04,433 Oh, my God! 223 00:12:04,517 --> 00:12:06,477 Could you kids drop the soap opera for another time? 224 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,438 We're going out there this afternoon. You need to feel like you're prepared. 225 00:12:09,522 --> 00:12:12,525 Well, clearly, she's not. She can't even handle "take your top off." 226 00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:16,737 Okay, 50 bucks says I get more signatures than you, Ethan. 227 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,072 No bet. People will sign just to shut you up. 228 00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,366 But here's a bet. 229 00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:22,993 Get the pedo to sign, I'll give you your 50 bucks. 230 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,621 And Oren will go on a date with you. Cool? 231 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,290 -I'm not really in-- -Okay! 232 00:12:27,373 --> 00:12:29,124 You are so on. 233 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,168 He will sign and you will give me cash, 234 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,463 and I will spend it on a new hemp messenger bag and strawberry lube, 235 00:12:34,547 --> 00:12:37,675 because Oren seems like a strawberry kind of guy. 236 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:38,884 Well-- 237 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:43,263 Great, now let's talk one more time about mirroring body language. 238 00:12:43,347 --> 00:12:46,141 I'm just saying, if you bought me a watch, I'd be on the time better. 239 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,352 -There's a clock on the wall. -Not in my office. 240 00:12:48,436 --> 00:12:49,812 I'll put a clock in your office. 241 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:52,731 Or you could buy me a watch, so when we out of the office like now, 242 00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:54,650 I could tell you things like, "Hey, Mr. Caputo, 243 00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,444 we're only a few minutes late to meet Piscatella, 244 00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:59,196 and you the boss anyhow, so relax." 245 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,615 I will consider your watch request. 246 00:13:01,699 --> 00:13:03,742 Hey, I'm just trying to make your life better. 247 00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,035 This ain't about me. 248 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,954 By the way, what you want me to do once we there? 249 00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:08,497 -Take notes. -Hold up, hold up. 250 00:13:08,581 --> 00:13:12,668 "Take notes." Got you. 251 00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:13,919 Mop it all around. 252 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,504 Damn! 253 00:13:15,588 --> 00:13:20,468 This place is like Litchfield Edition. 254 00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:22,386 And with, like, real addicts. 255 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,723 So, in a nutshell... 256 00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:30,102 electrical is still having Internet issues, 257 00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:32,396 plumbing works, but no hot water yet. 258 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:36,233 All beds and extraneous furniture are assembled and ready for move-in. 259 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,444 --Now, the interior paint-- 260 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:39,528 Uh, inmate? 261 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:42,698 What are you possibly writing that will have any salience 262 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:44,241 past this moment in time? 263 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:47,870 Well, Mr. Caputo wants notes. Now, I don't know what salience is, 264 00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:51,248 but I think a checklist of what's completed and what's not 265 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,708 is hella revalent. 266 00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,918 You mean "rel." Relevant. 267 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:58,881 I mean, I'm trying to do my job, same as you, big man. 268 00:13:59,632 --> 00:14:03,552 Are you... suggesting that we are in any way, 269 00:14:03,636 --> 00:14:07,222 on any planet, in any universe, the same, inmate? 270 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:10,267 Why don't you go check on Luschek and the Internet situation? 271 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:14,229 -What? -Let me watch you go. 272 00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:17,483 Oh, you gonna "watch me" watch me? 273 00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,819 I will watch... you. 274 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:23,781 - Go! - I'm goin'. 275 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,867 It's clearly that... time. 276 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:29,161 -Look at me go. -Go. 277 00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,582 -May I ask you a question, Mr. Caputo? -Shoot. 278 00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:38,587 How did you choose her to be your assistant, exactly? 279 00:14:38,671 --> 00:14:40,589 -Between you and me? -Yes, sir. 280 00:14:40,673 --> 00:14:45,135 She's the only semi-intelligent one that I'm only... 281 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,388 semi-attracted to. 282 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,518 Well, if you'll follow me, I'll show you the bathroom. 283 00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:54,311 --What are you writing? 284 00:14:54,395 --> 00:14:55,604 Man, why everybody act like 285 00:14:55,688 --> 00:14:58,148 they ain't never seen a black woman with a clipboard before? 286 00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,232 No, it's your pen. 287 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:01,777 It's exorbitantly scratchy and it's giving me anxiety. 288 00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:05,781 Damn, Word-A-Day. I need to get me one of them calendars. 289 00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:08,909 "Anxiety" wasn't from the calendar. That's just me. 290 00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:11,495 But... "exorbitant" was. 291 00:15:11,579 --> 00:15:12,955 Check out these fat phone cords. 292 00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:15,416 Shit, I could make so many bracelets out of the wires in one of these-- 293 00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:19,002 Uh-uh. Those ain't phone cords. They're for the Internet. 294 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:22,673 And believe me, you want some of them guards to be able to watch their porn 295 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:26,009 and get it all out before they on duty, so you best leave it. 296 00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:30,347 So, hey, how come you don't get to live here, Luschek? 297 00:15:31,599 --> 00:15:33,684 -Because I have a home, inmate. -Oh, yeah? 298 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:36,269 -An entire basement to myself. -Hmm. 299 00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:39,440 You gotta admit, though, it is kind of swanky... you know? 300 00:15:39,523 --> 00:15:42,693 I mean, you could fit an entire family just right in here 301 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,778 and still have room for a TV. 302 00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:48,031 Couple of pictures of X-rays. Home sweet home. 303 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:51,034 -Did you just say X-rays? -I did say X-rays. 304 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,036 'Cause when my grandmammy broke her pelvis, 305 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,038 all of us kids got X-rays. 306 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:58,542 'Cause the doctor was really nice, and my mom was doing him on the side. 307 00:15:58,626 --> 00:16:00,085 --That's funny, huh? 308 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:03,797 He literally took an entire X-ray of my whole skeleton, 309 00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:07,843 and I hung it up on my wall like a fancy English guy. 310 00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:10,303 But it was just pictures of bones instead of-- 311 00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:12,848 You know, it wasn't, like, real bones. 312 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:14,266 Your life is grotesque. 313 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:17,060 -Another big word. -What are you even doing here? 314 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:21,064 Mr. Caputo wanted me to check up on the Internet issue. 315 00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,693 Inmate... 316 00:16:24,777 --> 00:16:26,612 Scar-neck, explain the problem. 317 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,490 It doesn't work. 318 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:31,909 There you go. 319 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,786 Hey, baby. 320 00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:36,121 Yeah, I thought you were getting home an hour ago. 321 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:39,833 Oh, I know, the traffic was awful coming back from the store. 322 00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:42,836 I think there was a wreck or something. 323 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,882 Anyway, how was work? How are you? 324 00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:49,092 -Vinnie? -Look, I'm sorry. 325 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:50,385 I'm just in a mood. 326 00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,095 Well, don't you worry. 327 00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:56,850 You just sit right down. I'm gonna give you such a nice backrub. 328 00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:59,269 - Lorna... 329 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:03,148 -Lorna! -Honey, you're so tense. 330 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:06,860 I'm reaching around and I'm feeling down 331 00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:11,073 your chiseled and bumpy abs. 332 00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:13,408 Oh, my goodness. 333 00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:17,746 I just found your cock-a-doodle-doo and it's so hard. 334 00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:19,665 - Vinnie? Hurry up! - I'm busy! 335 00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,208 All right? 336 00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:23,794 Lorna, I can't really do this today, okay? 337 00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:26,004 Well, can you at least try? 338 00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:28,173 No, my roommates! It's awkward. 339 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:32,344 Well, I'm talking about kissing crotches in front of 50 other women, 340 00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,471 but for you, it's awkward? 341 00:17:34,555 --> 00:17:35,973 I don't know, I thought you were into that. 342 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,432 Well, uh... 343 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:42,605 Maybe you could feel that way about your roommates. 344 00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:44,314 Don't say that. 345 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,942 Well, do you have a speaker? Put me on speaker, baby. 346 00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:49,778 I'll talk so nice for you and the boys. 347 00:17:50,738 --> 00:17:53,073 Vinnie, are you gonna help him with his homework? 348 00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,789 Lorna, my roommates are my parents and my kid brother. 349 00:18:00,873 --> 00:18:02,625 What? 350 00:18:02,708 --> 00:18:04,417 All right? There, now you know. 351 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,879 Well, why didn't you say that before? 352 00:18:07,713 --> 00:18:09,882 I mean, what kind of fantasy is that gonna be? 353 00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:12,467 You thought you married a man, not a boy. 354 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:15,553 Look, I gotta go, all right? 355 00:18:15,638 --> 00:18:18,348 Gino's back from school. I gotta help him with his homework. 356 00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:21,476 Okay. 357 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:30,611 I think he shares a room with his kid brother. 358 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:33,822 Does that mean no more phone-boning in front of everybody? 359 00:18:33,906 --> 00:18:36,366 Because, legit, that shit was kind of gross. 360 00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:39,703 But also hot. 361 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,081 I'm having mixed emotions right now. 362 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,376 Yeah, me, too. 363 00:18:51,799 --> 00:18:55,552 She's taking all the green beans. I asked her not to! 364 00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:57,888 Nicely, even! Ignored. 365 00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,808 And her flunkeys, always lurking around now. 366 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,937 -Look! -I'm looking. 367 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:07,314 In Russia, we have a saying... 368 00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:15,698 "Don't open your mouth to eat other people's bread." 369 00:19:15,781 --> 00:19:17,741 Or what? 370 00:19:17,825 --> 00:19:20,786 Ask the Germans in wintertime. 371 00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:24,456 -Uh, Miss Judy? -Uh-huh. 372 00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:27,000 Uh, I was wondering if you would sign my cookbook. 373 00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:28,085 Of course. 374 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:30,879 That's so nice. Um... 375 00:19:30,963 --> 00:19:33,465 I'll buy one and bring it to you when we both get out. 376 00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:35,425 All right, well, we have a date, then. 377 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:38,846 Now, thank you, ladies. Bye-bye for now. All right. 378 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:41,556 Mmm. 379 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,516 Hey, there, Judy King. 380 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,062 Oh, guilty as charged, in all respects. 381 00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:49,940 That's a joke, darlin'. 382 00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,274 Oh! 383 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:54,444 You know, a lot of people in here are funny without meaning to be. 384 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,321 I learned the hard way to hold my mirth. 385 00:19:56,404 --> 00:20:00,158 Oh, well, let your mirth fly free. I mean to be funny. 386 00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:01,994 All right. 387 00:20:02,077 --> 00:20:05,538 Um... actually, I was wondering if I could speak to you about my friend. 388 00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,499 Oh, that little retarded girl? 389 00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:10,335 She's actually not... challenged at all, 390 00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:13,296 which is what we're supposed to say, not the R-word. 391 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:17,550 Oh, uh... "R"s, "F"s, "L-M-N-O-P"s and "Q"s. 392 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:21,471 You know, I get in more trouble for expanding those single letter words, 393 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,223 but never "N"s. 394 00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,558 Despite this drawl, I'm brighter than that. 395 00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:30,605 So, now, you were saying? About your friend who is not challenged. 396 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:32,440 --Am I allowed to say "special"? 397 00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:36,194 No, she's not special. Well, she is to me. 398 00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:38,071 -Mmm. -But not euphemistically. 399 00:20:38,155 --> 00:20:41,574 She's a fan and whenever she sees you, she freaks out. 400 00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:45,537 You've gotta understand. 401 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:50,583 Institutional racism... traps the most vulnerable people in our society 402 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:55,047 in this cycle of incarceration which, in turn, leads to a cycle of poverty. 403 00:20:55,130 --> 00:20:59,802 It makes someone like you... someone rich and powerful and white, 404 00:20:59,885 --> 00:21:02,012 virtually unapproachable. 405 00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:03,972 All right, so now let me get this straight. 406 00:21:04,056 --> 00:21:08,185 Your friend acts like a moron around me because she's black and poor? 407 00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:11,104 -Is that right? -Basically... yes. 408 00:21:11,188 --> 00:21:15,150 I think her mother was a crack addict or something. 409 00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:17,152 You might as well be an alien. 410 00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:19,071 But you could bridge the divide. 411 00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:22,282 - The way you did. - Yeah, exactly! 412 00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:26,161 All right, how about this? Why don't you bring her over at lunch? 413 00:21:27,204 --> 00:21:29,039 Okay. 414 00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:34,044 It'll be like, uh... the 1% sitting with the other 1%. 415 00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:35,128 Oh, my God. 416 00:21:35,212 --> 00:21:38,756 "The other 1%" is such a good hashtag. 417 00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:47,682 The New Orleans police put out a call to... 418 00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:49,684 -Hi! My name is Brook... -Look... 419 00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,186 ...and I was wondering if-- 420 00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:53,271 Take your picture or smash an egg in my face, 421 00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:56,774 or whatever you need to do for you and your friends to get your jollies. 422 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,903 -But spare me the setup, all right? -I don't have a setup. 423 00:21:59,987 --> 00:22:01,404 You know who I am? 424 00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:03,490 Yeah, I do, actually. 425 00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:06,493 You're a member of the community 426 00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,620 who has as much right as any of your neighbors 427 00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:10,705 to be concerned about the big-box monstrosity 428 00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:14,042 that's being proposed for the corner of Exposition and Euclid. 429 00:22:14,126 --> 00:22:16,962 I'd be happy to talk about it with you, if you have the time. 430 00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:19,923 Look, I'm watching this Hurricane Katrina stuff. 431 00:22:20,007 --> 00:22:21,174 It's really intense. 432 00:22:21,258 --> 00:22:23,051 The world's gonna be lousy with Katrinas 433 00:22:23,135 --> 00:22:26,471 if we let mega-corporations like Walmart carbon-bomb our planet. 434 00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:34,229 You wanna come in? 435 00:22:35,730 --> 00:22:37,274 Sure. 436 00:22:37,357 --> 00:22:39,442 Yeah, I'll give you the whole shpiel. 437 00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:40,860 Spiel. 438 00:22:40,944 --> 00:22:43,030 Sorry, I never know how to pronounce that. 439 00:22:43,113 --> 00:22:44,739 Wait, um... 440 00:22:44,822 --> 00:22:46,241 how old are you? 441 00:22:47,284 --> 00:22:48,368 Nineteen. 442 00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:50,412 Okay. 443 00:22:51,621 --> 00:22:52,705 Come in. 444 00:22:52,789 --> 00:22:55,542 ...aspect of this terrible hurricane 445 00:22:55,625 --> 00:22:59,087 that came on land with 145 mile-an-hour... 446 00:22:59,171 --> 00:23:00,380 Okay. 447 00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:02,840 I don't know if you realize, 448 00:23:02,925 --> 00:23:06,094 but the introduction of mega-retailers, like Walmart, 449 00:23:06,178 --> 00:23:09,347 almost invariably have a negative effect on property values-- 450 00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:11,724 -You're so nervous. -I'm not nervous. 451 00:23:11,808 --> 00:23:15,395 I'm passionate about saving local businesses. 452 00:23:15,478 --> 00:23:16,813 Like Lola's Bloomers. 453 00:23:18,315 --> 00:23:21,443 -May I? -Sure. Sure. 454 00:23:23,028 --> 00:23:25,072 Conservative estimates are that there will be 455 00:23:25,155 --> 00:23:28,741 thousands of more cars in the neighborhood per day because of the construction-- 456 00:23:28,825 --> 00:23:32,370 It says you wanna put a park in instead. 457 00:23:32,454 --> 00:23:34,497 I can't live within 2,500 feet of a park. 458 00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:37,334 They would literally kick me out of my own home. 459 00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:42,589 Sorry. 460 00:23:42,672 --> 00:23:45,300 Can I talk about the elephant in the room for a second? 461 00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:46,843 I wish you wouldn't. 462 00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:49,137 I look across from me and I don't see a monster. 463 00:23:49,221 --> 00:23:54,434 I see a human being fighting to control the animalistic parts of his brain, 464 00:23:54,517 --> 00:23:56,478 true grit overcoming impulse. 465 00:23:56,561 --> 00:23:58,105 Not everybody judges you. 466 00:23:58,188 --> 00:24:00,440 What if I told you it was kiddie porn? 467 00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:03,860 I'd... 468 00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:05,278 say you need support, 469 00:24:05,362 --> 00:24:09,824 and I'd applaud your restraint for finding an outlet for your compulsions. 470 00:24:09,907 --> 00:24:13,661 Wow! You will really say whatever it takes. 471 00:24:15,205 --> 00:24:17,749 Well, it was a lot worse than kiddie porn. 472 00:24:17,832 --> 00:24:19,042 Wanna see? 473 00:24:20,127 --> 00:24:22,462 No, I don't... I don't need... No. 474 00:24:22,545 --> 00:24:23,880 No need. 475 00:24:24,589 --> 00:24:25,590 Um... 476 00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:33,181 Wait, all you did was have sex on the beach? 477 00:24:33,265 --> 00:24:36,101 Consenting adults on an empty beach. 478 00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:39,479 Well, except for the creeper that filmed it and turned us in to the cops. 479 00:24:39,562 --> 00:24:42,690 -But you think that pervo got in trouble? -That is insane. I mean... 480 00:24:42,774 --> 00:24:45,485 You are such a cautionary tale. 481 00:24:45,568 --> 00:24:48,821 I would be, if people got the story right. 482 00:24:48,905 --> 00:24:52,492 But once I had to go around door-to-door announcing my status, 483 00:24:52,575 --> 00:24:53,993 the rumors got started... 484 00:24:55,578 --> 00:24:58,665 I don't know. It's all so fucked. 485 00:25:04,087 --> 00:25:05,213 Here. 486 00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:10,802 It's not like Walmart's gonna lose. 487 00:25:13,805 --> 00:25:14,847 Awesome. 488 00:25:24,941 --> 00:25:26,776 - Oh... 489 00:25:27,610 --> 00:25:29,362 Uh... 490 00:25:29,446 --> 00:25:30,780 Warden Caputo's office. 491 00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:33,658 This is Ms. Jefferson speaking, how may I assist you? 492 00:25:33,741 --> 00:25:35,493 Is Warden Caputo available? 493 00:25:35,577 --> 00:25:38,830 Let me place you on a brief hold while I go and check. 494 00:25:40,998 --> 00:25:42,709 Fuck. 495 00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,336 Oh, well, you gonna call back. 496 00:25:44,419 --> 00:25:46,129 Hello? I'm still here. 497 00:25:47,339 --> 00:25:51,008 Damn, you are still there. Then why the little light go out? 498 00:25:51,093 --> 00:25:53,553 Anyway, don't matter, I ain't got him right now. 499 00:25:53,636 --> 00:25:55,305 Will you please let him know I called? 500 00:25:55,388 --> 00:25:57,682 All right, you take good care now. 501 00:25:57,765 --> 00:25:59,767 - Yeah. 502 00:25:59,851 --> 00:26:00,977 Shit. 503 00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:02,812 What? What happened? 504 00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:04,897 I didn't quite get his name. 505 00:26:05,482 --> 00:26:07,192 You don't know who it was? 506 00:26:07,275 --> 00:26:08,901 Well, it was some brother, 507 00:26:08,985 --> 00:26:11,863 sounded like a salesman-type, if you ask me. 508 00:26:11,946 --> 00:26:14,366 So I probably did you a favor there. 509 00:26:14,449 --> 00:26:19,579 Oh! And then some white lady, she called about a get-together. Mmm-hmm. 510 00:26:19,662 --> 00:26:20,872 It happened twice? 511 00:26:20,955 --> 00:26:23,250 Jesus, Jefferson, what am I paying you for? 512 00:26:24,041 --> 00:26:26,128 Are you sure she said "get-together"? 513 00:26:26,211 --> 00:26:28,921 What does that even mean? Like... like, a meeting? 514 00:26:29,005 --> 00:26:30,507 Like a meeting. 515 00:26:30,590 --> 00:26:33,885 Or... like a date, maybe. 516 00:26:33,968 --> 00:26:35,970 You holding out on me? 517 00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:38,097 You somebody's Ca-baby-boo-to? 518 00:26:38,181 --> 00:26:40,225 You're on thin fucking ice, Jefferson. 519 00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:45,104 Was it Linda? 520 00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:46,731 Possibly. 521 00:26:48,065 --> 00:26:49,234 It wasn't Natalie, was it? 522 00:26:49,317 --> 00:26:51,444 Linda sounds more right. 523 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,323 Okay. Get Linda from MCC on the line. 524 00:26:55,407 --> 00:26:56,491 All right. 525 00:26:58,701 --> 00:27:00,787 Press the button that says "Line one." 526 00:27:00,870 --> 00:27:02,789 -One. -Nine and the number. 527 00:27:02,872 --> 00:27:04,040 Nine... Got you. 528 00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:09,879 --Uh, hello? 529 00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:13,758 Yes, hello. I have Director Caputo. I will transfer you now. 530 00:27:15,968 --> 00:27:17,929 Shit! 531 00:27:23,226 --> 00:27:24,644 Warden Caputo's office. 532 00:27:24,727 --> 00:27:26,145 Jefferson, I got it. 533 00:27:26,229 --> 00:27:27,814 My bad! My bad! 534 00:27:27,897 --> 00:27:32,319 - Hello, uh, Joe? - Linda, hi. Uh... 535 00:27:32,402 --> 00:27:34,529 Jefferson, hang up your line. 536 00:27:34,612 --> 00:27:36,531 I don't wanna disconnect y'all. 537 00:27:36,614 --> 00:27:38,074 Hang up the phone! 538 00:27:39,659 --> 00:27:41,578 Uh, I'm still training her. 539 00:27:41,661 --> 00:27:44,956 Uh, I got your message about a get-together. 540 00:27:45,039 --> 00:27:47,875 Oh, uh... wrong Linda, I think. 541 00:27:47,959 --> 00:27:50,462 --But we do need to celebrate our victory. 542 00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:52,297 All these veterans becoming guards. 543 00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:54,716 Yes. Yes, we absolutely do. 544 00:27:54,799 --> 00:27:56,259 Any chance you're free tonight? 545 00:27:57,260 --> 00:27:59,095 Tonight? 546 00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:01,223 Yes, it's perfect. 547 00:28:01,306 --> 00:28:03,099 Um... 548 00:28:03,182 --> 00:28:06,728 We can celebrate and, uh, talk business. 549 00:28:06,811 --> 00:28:10,440 - How about La Fontana's at 8:00? - Yeah, great. 550 00:28:10,523 --> 00:28:14,777 -Great. I'll see you tonight. -Okay, bye. 551 00:28:23,745 --> 00:28:27,457 Ah! Even the staff waits for the bathroom now, hmm? 552 00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:30,042 What can I do for you, Red? 553 00:28:30,126 --> 00:28:32,254 I want to talk to you about the King woman. 554 00:28:32,337 --> 00:28:34,422 You two are hitting it off, right? 555 00:28:34,506 --> 00:28:37,592 You gave her the run of my garden. How did you think that would go? 556 00:28:38,718 --> 00:28:43,097 You know, planting a flag on the Moon doesn't mean that you own it. 557 00:28:43,180 --> 00:28:46,434 You're Russian. I thought you'd appreciate that attitude. 558 00:28:46,518 --> 00:28:50,647 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm only concerned for her. 559 00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:53,358 Respect in prison has to be earned. 560 00:28:53,441 --> 00:28:55,402 I don't know about that. 561 00:28:55,485 --> 00:28:58,613 You've received a lot of leeway from staff around here. 562 00:28:58,696 --> 00:29:00,197 You seem to be doing all right. 563 00:29:01,574 --> 00:29:04,869 Was that what this is about? Are you punishing me? 564 00:29:05,995 --> 00:29:08,205 Did you do something wrong? 565 00:29:08,290 --> 00:29:11,293 I did the only reasonable thing I could. 566 00:29:13,711 --> 00:29:16,339 There's no such thing as a consensual relationship 567 00:29:16,423 --> 00:29:18,174 between a prisoner and a guard. 568 00:29:19,008 --> 00:29:21,093 Lorna's wedding was a bittersweet end 569 00:29:21,177 --> 00:29:25,515 to a relationship that never actually happened, Sam. 570 00:29:25,598 --> 00:29:27,809 --You're reading something into this 571 00:29:27,892 --> 00:29:30,312 that isn't there, Reznikov. 572 00:29:30,395 --> 00:29:33,022 And what goes on with Mrs. King is none of your business. 573 00:29:33,105 --> 00:29:34,441 You're pampering her. 574 00:29:35,650 --> 00:29:37,068 Oops! 575 00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:41,030 She even gets a magazine? 576 00:29:54,210 --> 00:29:55,295 What do you want, Ruiz? 577 00:29:55,378 --> 00:29:59,090 I heard about your labor dispute. I thought maybe my friends could fill in? 578 00:29:59,173 --> 00:30:01,593 This is Pidge. 579 00:30:01,676 --> 00:30:04,554 You know Ouija, or she knows you. 580 00:30:04,637 --> 00:30:06,431 And that's Zirconia. 581 00:30:06,514 --> 00:30:07,599 Zirconia? 582 00:30:07,682 --> 00:30:09,517 I took out all my rocks before I come in, 583 00:30:09,601 --> 00:30:12,812 so nobody would think they was diamonds and rip 'em out. 584 00:30:12,895 --> 00:30:14,356 Plus... 585 00:30:14,439 --> 00:30:15,732 I don't think it's allowed. 586 00:30:15,815 --> 00:30:18,693 They're all ready and willing to join your panty party. 587 00:30:18,776 --> 00:30:21,738 Can I talk to you for a sec? Privately, please. 588 00:30:23,656 --> 00:30:26,951 What are you doing? This is not a publicly traded company. 589 00:30:27,034 --> 00:30:30,204 Its very existence depends on keeping its existence hidden. 590 00:30:30,287 --> 00:30:32,832 Chill the fuck out. I was just trying to help you. 591 00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:34,459 I don't need your help. 592 00:30:34,542 --> 00:30:35,877 What I need is your discretion, 593 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:39,005 and you bringing a bunch of thugs into my house is the opposite of that. 594 00:30:39,088 --> 00:30:43,926 I decide who knows about Felonious Spunk. I decide who gets hired. 595 00:30:44,010 --> 00:30:48,681 I am the prison pussy panty business. 596 00:30:49,682 --> 00:30:53,269 Somebody's getting a little big for her panties, I think. 597 00:30:54,228 --> 00:30:56,814 I'm gonna choose to assume you're talking about yourself 598 00:30:56,898 --> 00:30:58,232 and take that as an apology. 599 00:30:59,609 --> 00:31:02,529 You're talking shit out a paper asshole, Chapman. 600 00:31:02,612 --> 00:31:07,199 But when an actual hard-ass bitch decides to call you on it... 601 00:31:07,283 --> 00:31:11,454 well... 602 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,047 Pretty sure she was talking about herself on that last one. 603 00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:25,885 It's not fair. 604 00:31:25,968 --> 00:31:29,389 It is the most unfair thing that's ever happened in this prison. 605 00:31:29,472 --> 00:31:32,600 Mmm, what about when Carson went to SHU for sneezing too loud? 606 00:31:32,684 --> 00:31:35,812 Or what's-her-face, the Puerto Rican girl, with the gimpy eye? 607 00:31:35,895 --> 00:31:39,482 And when she got the wrong meds by accident in the med line and went nutso, 608 00:31:39,566 --> 00:31:42,819 and gimped her other eye with a spork. Now, she double gimp-eyed. 609 00:31:42,902 --> 00:31:46,113 Or how 'bout when Pornstache used to make the meth heads 610 00:31:46,197 --> 00:31:48,533 blow him for drugs in the mop closet? 611 00:31:48,616 --> 00:31:50,868 Or the time Chapman got furlough? 612 00:31:50,952 --> 00:31:53,996 I retract and redact. 613 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,372 New statement. 614 00:31:55,457 --> 00:32:00,545 It's easily the top 138 most unfair things that has ever happened here. 615 00:32:00,628 --> 00:32:01,963 What is? 616 00:32:02,046 --> 00:32:03,255 Your new job. 617 00:32:03,339 --> 00:32:06,634 My job is the bomb! 618 00:32:06,718 --> 00:32:12,849 You sit at a desk all day when you were plucked from the most rewarding job. 619 00:32:12,932 --> 00:32:16,853 I'm not saying it's on par with all the human rights abuses in here, 620 00:32:16,936 --> 00:32:20,356 but women fought for a long time to shake the role of desk-ridden secretary. 621 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:21,941 Are you for real? 622 00:32:22,024 --> 00:32:24,276 - Hey! 623 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:25,361 Do you get the Internet? 624 00:32:25,445 --> 00:32:27,947 -Do you have a mini-fridge? -Ah! 625 00:32:28,030 --> 00:32:30,450 Do you have a skeleton key made from real human bone 626 00:32:30,533 --> 00:32:33,244 that opens a door to a world of talking animals? 627 00:32:33,327 --> 00:32:35,037 Man, I got me a clipboard 628 00:32:35,121 --> 00:32:39,083 and a personal relationship with Mr. Caputo. 629 00:32:40,752 --> 00:32:43,295 Man, if George R. R. Martin wrote about prisons, 630 00:32:43,379 --> 00:32:47,008 I'd be, like... the Hand of the Warden. 631 00:32:47,091 --> 00:32:48,843 Yo, don't the Hand always die in them books? 632 00:32:48,926 --> 00:32:51,012 Man, whatever, okay? 633 00:32:51,095 --> 00:32:54,641 Winter is coming, bitches. 634 00:32:54,724 --> 00:32:56,851 And I'm getting me a watch. 635 00:32:56,934 --> 00:32:58,686 -For real? -Yes. 636 00:32:58,770 --> 00:33:00,688 Hey. 637 00:33:01,523 --> 00:33:03,315 Yo... 638 00:33:03,399 --> 00:33:05,485 I feel like she's smiling and waving at me. 639 00:33:07,987 --> 00:33:10,948 Maybe she can see dead people and there's one standing right... 640 00:33:11,032 --> 00:33:12,241 right in front of you. 641 00:33:12,324 --> 00:33:14,076 Are the hairs standing up on the back of your neck? 642 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:15,953 I feel like I'm the dead person. 643 00:33:16,037 --> 00:33:19,290 I... may have set you up on a blind friend date! 644 00:33:19,373 --> 00:33:20,958 -Wait, you did what? No! -Surprise! 645 00:33:21,042 --> 00:33:24,170 - What? - I just talked you up. 646 00:33:24,253 --> 00:33:26,548 -Go! Be yourself. -Yo... 647 00:33:32,679 --> 00:33:35,682 -Go, P! -Go, P! Go, P! 648 00:33:35,765 --> 00:33:38,434 -Let me fix your clothes. -Get off me! 649 00:33:38,518 --> 00:33:40,978 Hey. 650 00:33:41,062 --> 00:33:42,396 You must be Poo-see. 651 00:33:42,479 --> 00:33:43,773 She called her Poo-see! 652 00:33:43,856 --> 00:33:45,858 No, I'm sorry. Did I say that right? 653 00:33:45,942 --> 00:33:48,110 Yeah, yeah. Poussey, it's French. 654 00:33:48,194 --> 00:33:49,862 Oh, French. 655 00:33:49,946 --> 00:33:51,864 I was named after a great aunt 656 00:33:51,948 --> 00:33:55,492 who hid pearls from the Yankees under her pendulous breasts. 657 00:33:56,744 --> 00:34:00,957 And she also brewed a famous home remedy that supposedly cured hookworm. 658 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:02,917 -Not quite so exotic. -Listen. 659 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,752 -Hmm. -I... I feel... 660 00:34:04,836 --> 00:34:06,128 I feel like I need to apologize... 661 00:34:06,212 --> 00:34:07,504 -Uh-uh. -...for just being all, like, 662 00:34:07,589 --> 00:34:09,674 weird and stuff, you know, I just... 663 00:34:09,757 --> 00:34:11,551 - I dig your whole thing, you know. 664 00:34:11,634 --> 00:34:15,054 And I just, I watch your show so much, so seeing you in person was just, 665 00:34:15,137 --> 00:34:17,181 you know, I got all tongue-tied, and fan-girly and stuff. 666 00:34:17,264 --> 00:34:18,600 So I'd try to say words, 667 00:34:18,683 --> 00:34:20,517 but when they came out of my mouth, it just sound like... 668 00:34:20,602 --> 00:34:23,395 All right, all right, all right. Relax, darlin'. 669 00:34:23,479 --> 00:34:26,816 Your friend has told me the whole story. She has got you covered. 670 00:34:31,028 --> 00:34:33,948 You gotta sink a hook in the keepers, especially in this place. 671 00:34:34,031 --> 00:34:36,033 -Uh-huh. -You know, it's funny. 672 00:34:36,117 --> 00:34:38,369 Me and Brook, we never would've crossed paths. 673 00:34:38,452 --> 00:34:40,412 I mean, growing up all over the world, 674 00:34:40,496 --> 00:34:43,583 bouncing culture to culture with a strict, conservative family, 675 00:34:43,666 --> 00:34:47,253 versus, you know, sleeping in tent cities with a bunch of dirty hippies, 676 00:34:47,336 --> 00:34:49,421 eating food out of dumpsters. Oof! 677 00:34:49,505 --> 00:34:51,507 You have been through a lot. 678 00:34:52,049 --> 00:34:54,761 Nah, it was... I mean, it was good. 679 00:34:54,844 --> 00:34:57,054 Well, I mean, it was hard, you know? 680 00:34:57,138 --> 00:34:58,848 Like, I guess being transient, 681 00:34:58,931 --> 00:35:01,392 and not really having any long-term friends, 682 00:35:01,475 --> 00:35:03,645 but I do know three languages. 683 00:35:03,728 --> 00:35:05,229 Hmm! Wait... 684 00:35:05,312 --> 00:35:07,899 - you know three languages? - Yeah. 685 00:35:07,982 --> 00:35:10,693 How does the child of a crack whore learn three languages? 686 00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:13,362 -That is remarkable. -Excuse me? 687 00:35:13,445 --> 00:35:14,697 What languages? 688 00:35:14,781 --> 00:35:18,492 English, French and German. Did you just call my mother a crack whore? 689 00:35:19,869 --> 00:35:23,080 My mother had a masters in Art History and she could barely take an aspirin. 690 00:35:23,164 --> 00:35:25,499 -Excuse me? -My dad is a major in the army. 691 00:35:25,582 --> 00:35:27,126 I was supposed to go to West Point. 692 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,213 I guess you were expecting just another ghetto prison rat. 693 00:35:33,507 --> 00:35:35,677 At least one of us lives up to the stereotype. 694 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,720 What, no! Sweetheart, no! 695 00:35:37,804 --> 00:35:41,140 You have snatched the taste right out of my mouth. 696 00:35:41,223 --> 00:35:43,935 I'm just parroting what your girlfriend told me about you. 697 00:35:44,018 --> 00:35:48,230 You came out of a cycle of poverty, blah, blah, blah. 698 00:35:49,106 --> 00:35:53,820 I mean, it seems to me that you two formed this relationship without talking much. 699 00:35:59,784 --> 00:36:02,369 Did you know I am learning Italian? 700 00:36:20,262 --> 00:36:23,140 So, did Chester the Molester sign? 701 00:36:23,224 --> 00:36:25,893 You owe me 50 bucks. 702 00:36:25,977 --> 00:36:28,479 -Whoa. -And you better take me out. 703 00:36:28,562 --> 00:36:30,439 I can't believe you had the balls to do it. 704 00:36:30,522 --> 00:36:32,399 Whatever, he probably finger-banged 705 00:36:32,483 --> 00:36:36,070 his 15-year-old girlfriend when he was 17 or something else no big. 706 00:36:36,153 --> 00:36:37,905 The sex offender lists are full of sob stories 707 00:36:37,989 --> 00:36:41,033 about people's lives being ruined by technicalities. 708 00:36:41,117 --> 00:36:43,119 I read all about it on Salon.com. 709 00:36:44,161 --> 00:36:48,415 You know, as a matter of fact, 710 00:36:48,499 --> 00:36:53,420 he was a fucking horrible child-molester rapist. 711 00:36:53,504 --> 00:36:55,339 Because I'm so sure he told you that. 712 00:36:55,422 --> 00:36:59,010 Yeah, 'cause he... He fucking tried to seduce me. 713 00:37:00,302 --> 00:37:01,929 He invited me in for lemonade. 714 00:37:02,013 --> 00:37:04,473 -And you went in? -Yeah. 715 00:37:04,556 --> 00:37:06,517 He told me I didn't look 19. 716 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,145 That's when I knew I was in trouble. 717 00:37:09,228 --> 00:37:10,396 Shit. 718 00:37:12,106 --> 00:37:13,399 He stroked my hair. 719 00:37:13,482 --> 00:37:18,529 He wanted to brag, so he showed me the newspaper article 720 00:37:18,612 --> 00:37:21,866 about how he stalked this nine-year-old girl from his church, 721 00:37:21,949 --> 00:37:23,617 for, like, a year. 722 00:37:23,700 --> 00:37:27,789 Earning her trust, gradually convincing her to... 723 00:37:27,872 --> 00:37:29,916 Well, to... 724 00:37:29,999 --> 00:37:31,583 To... 725 00:37:33,419 --> 00:37:36,756 And then I was running down the street. 726 00:37:38,299 --> 00:37:40,634 For your fucking bet, Ethan. 727 00:37:40,717 --> 00:37:42,594 For 50 fucking dollars. 728 00:37:44,555 --> 00:37:47,266 But also because I... 729 00:37:47,349 --> 00:37:49,060 because I wanted to go out with you. 730 00:37:56,984 --> 00:38:00,112 I really appreciate you coming all the way down from Utica. 731 00:38:00,863 --> 00:38:03,574 Sorry, again, I couldn't get a seat in one of the gondolas. 732 00:38:03,657 --> 00:38:06,410 No, no, it's okay. This is great. 733 00:38:06,493 --> 00:38:08,287 I'm really glad that you thought I called. 734 00:38:09,455 --> 00:38:12,291 These new guards, they're a... they're a big win for us. 735 00:38:12,374 --> 00:38:13,542 Like, "us" us. 736 00:38:14,626 --> 00:38:16,628 And the company, but especially "us" us. 737 00:38:16,712 --> 00:38:20,049 Yeah. We're not a bad team, Linda from Purchasing. 738 00:38:21,092 --> 00:38:23,719 To us, Joe from Litchfield Human Activity, 739 00:38:23,803 --> 00:38:25,805 and our continued wins. 740 00:38:25,888 --> 00:38:29,391 - And to the veterans, of course. - Of course. 741 00:38:30,017 --> 00:38:31,643 ♪ Happy, happy birthday clappy ♪ 742 00:38:31,727 --> 00:38:33,520 ♪ Join us as we celebrate ♪ 743 00:38:33,604 --> 00:38:35,397 ♪ Clap your hands and dance around ♪ 744 00:38:35,481 --> 00:38:37,108 ♪ Have a laugh and eat some cake ♪ 745 00:38:37,191 --> 00:38:39,776 ♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday Happy birthday ♪ 746 00:38:39,861 --> 00:38:41,153 ♪ You're so great! ♪ 747 00:38:46,033 --> 00:38:47,118 What? 748 00:38:47,201 --> 00:38:49,495 The bald guy... is, uh... 749 00:38:49,578 --> 00:38:51,663 one of our former guards. 750 00:38:51,747 --> 00:38:54,416 A really good guy. Donaldson. 751 00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:57,419 A good guy... who walked out in the middle of 752 00:38:57,503 --> 00:39:00,464 an inmate transfer/high-profile self-surrender? 753 00:39:00,547 --> 00:39:03,050 Yeah, I get your point. 754 00:39:03,134 --> 00:39:05,302 Don't beat yourself up, Joe. 755 00:39:05,386 --> 00:39:08,305 You handled that situation like a total boss. 756 00:39:08,931 --> 00:39:11,851 Meant both literally and in that hip-kid lingo way. 757 00:39:11,934 --> 00:39:13,185 Jesus! 758 00:39:13,269 --> 00:39:16,522 He's not even a fucking waiter. 759 00:39:16,605 --> 00:39:19,108 - He's a busboy. 760 00:39:20,067 --> 00:39:21,277 -What? -No, just... 761 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,570 you could've lost your job... 762 00:39:23,654 --> 00:39:26,740 or faced prosecution had inmates gone missing that day. 763 00:39:26,823 --> 00:39:32,955 I mean, you're concerned about... these jerks that hung you out to dry. 764 00:39:33,039 --> 00:39:35,041 You're quite a guy, Joe Caputo. 765 00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:38,210 There you go, sir. Whenever you're ready. 766 00:39:38,294 --> 00:39:40,587 - Uh, do me a favor, will you? - Mmm-hmm. 767 00:39:40,671 --> 00:39:42,339 -The change is yours. -Okay. 768 00:39:42,423 --> 00:39:44,633 Give a 20 to that busboy over there. 769 00:39:44,716 --> 00:39:47,469 Wait till we're gone. I don't want to make a thing of it, okay? 770 00:39:47,553 --> 00:39:48,930 Okay. 771 00:39:50,014 --> 00:39:51,390 Hey, Mr. Caputo! 772 00:39:52,308 --> 00:39:54,518 -Look, Donaldson-- -I don't need your money, Mr. Caputo. 773 00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:55,852 It's nothing, take it, it's-- 774 00:39:55,937 --> 00:39:57,438 Nah, this is not to help me. 775 00:39:57,521 --> 00:39:59,773 This is to make you feel better about that... 776 00:39:59,856 --> 00:40:02,109 pardon my French, miss, bullshit you pulled. 777 00:40:02,193 --> 00:40:04,987 -Okay, Joe, let's go. -The bullshit I pulled? 778 00:40:05,071 --> 00:40:07,907 I work three jobs. This is the good one. 779 00:40:07,990 --> 00:40:10,659 O'Neill? I heard he had kidney stones. 780 00:40:10,742 --> 00:40:11,953 But no health insurance. 781 00:40:12,036 --> 00:40:14,163 So he thought he'd power through, wait for it to pass. 782 00:40:14,246 --> 00:40:15,289 It didn't. 783 00:40:15,372 --> 00:40:18,209 Now he's on dialysis. He may lose a kidney. 784 00:40:18,292 --> 00:40:19,961 -Jesus. -Yeah. 785 00:40:20,044 --> 00:40:23,297 So take your $20 and drown your conscience in a bottle of gin, 786 00:40:23,380 --> 00:40:25,549 because paying me to feel better about it ain't gonna work. 787 00:40:28,802 --> 00:40:30,096 Donaldson. 788 00:40:32,889 --> 00:40:36,727 You tell O'Neill I'm sorry about his stones. 789 00:40:36,810 --> 00:40:38,645 I'm also sorry you gotta work here. 790 00:40:38,729 --> 00:40:41,148 But I need you to understand something. 791 00:40:42,441 --> 00:40:46,403 I'm sorry for you. I don't regret firing any of you. 792 00:40:46,487 --> 00:40:51,658 You walked out on the biggest day the prison's faced in 25 fuckin' years. 793 00:40:51,742 --> 00:40:55,037 You put the prisoners at risk, you put your fellow COs at risk, 794 00:40:55,121 --> 00:40:58,249 you put this whole town in danger! 795 00:40:58,332 --> 00:41:00,834 The shit hit and instead of moving the fan away, 796 00:41:00,917 --> 00:41:04,296 you plugged it in and you hit "oscillate." 797 00:41:07,133 --> 00:41:09,969 I was gonna make you captain of the guard, Wade. 798 00:41:13,930 --> 00:41:15,391 Really. 799 00:41:15,474 --> 00:41:16,767 You keep the 20. 800 00:41:17,851 --> 00:41:21,022 Least I could do for helping me dodge a bullet. 801 00:41:22,523 --> 00:41:23,732 I'm sorry about this. 802 00:41:30,990 --> 00:41:35,661 These houses are yours to live in, but they are prison property. 803 00:41:35,744 --> 00:41:37,913 They will be treated with respect. 804 00:41:37,997 --> 00:41:42,293 As long as they are treated with respect, you will be as well. 805 00:41:42,376 --> 00:41:45,546 Okay, the warden has asked me to do a... 806 00:41:46,172 --> 00:41:48,299 icebreaker event. 807 00:41:49,508 --> 00:41:53,387 I will demonstrate this activity with CO... 808 00:41:53,470 --> 00:41:55,931 -McCullough, sir. -Okay, McCullough. 809 00:41:56,015 --> 00:42:01,103 Tell me two true things about you and one lie. 810 00:42:01,187 --> 00:42:04,065 I will attempt to guess the lie. 811 00:42:05,649 --> 00:42:07,359 Okay, um... 812 00:42:10,571 --> 00:42:12,656 I came to say I'm sorry. 813 00:42:17,994 --> 00:42:19,538 I'm sorry. 814 00:42:24,418 --> 00:42:27,796 Okay, please don't lock me out. You're right to be upset. 815 00:42:27,879 --> 00:42:29,256 How would you know? 816 00:42:31,050 --> 00:42:33,135 You don't know anything about me, Soso. 817 00:42:36,055 --> 00:42:38,682 And, what, you think I'm upset about my mom's crack abuse 818 00:42:38,765 --> 00:42:41,477 or because I grew up poor, black and uneducated in the urban jungle? 819 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,688 Okay, I watched The Wire a lot. I made assumptions. 820 00:42:44,771 --> 00:42:46,482 But you spent time with me. 821 00:42:47,483 --> 00:42:49,360 I mean, did you even listen when I talked? 822 00:42:49,443 --> 00:42:52,279 Like, what the fuck about me, besides the color of my skin, 823 00:42:52,363 --> 00:42:54,615 would indicate that I'm some indigent hood rat? 824 00:42:56,700 --> 00:42:58,077 - I don't know. 825 00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:01,037 No, it's fine, it's cool. I'm guilty, too. I won't lie. 826 00:43:01,122 --> 00:43:03,790 You know, I like the story of the rich, white, hippie girl in my bed. 827 00:43:03,874 --> 00:43:05,292 I've been working that on my end. 828 00:43:09,588 --> 00:43:11,298 I don't want this to end. 829 00:43:25,396 --> 00:43:26,522 What good is coming up here 830 00:43:26,605 --> 00:43:28,399 and sitting in the lobby every weekend gonna do? 831 00:43:28,482 --> 00:43:31,610 She wants to get Sophia out, she needs to get a lawyer 832 00:43:31,693 --> 00:43:33,654 or a non-profit involved or something. 833 00:43:33,737 --> 00:43:36,573 Ms. Burset said that the prison has tons of lawyers, 834 00:43:36,657 --> 00:43:39,118 so at least coming up here and waiting for the warden to come out 835 00:43:39,201 --> 00:43:41,287 to get into his face is something... 836 00:43:41,370 --> 00:43:43,079 Michael started a Kickstarter campaign. 837 00:43:43,164 --> 00:43:44,748 Kickstarter? What that mean? 838 00:43:44,831 --> 00:43:46,625 Not much, usually. 839 00:43:46,708 --> 00:43:49,211 There's nothing to be ashamed about. 840 00:43:49,295 --> 00:43:51,297 Plenty of guys live with their parents. 841 00:43:51,380 --> 00:43:52,714 Right, yeah, I mean, you know... 842 00:43:52,798 --> 00:43:55,551 I'm just doing this to save money, you know? 843 00:43:55,634 --> 00:43:57,844 'Cause I could live on my own, obviously. 844 00:43:57,928 --> 00:44:01,640 Oof! Obviously. I mean, very, very obviously. 845 00:44:01,723 --> 00:44:04,601 It just makes the most financial sense, you know? 846 00:44:04,685 --> 00:44:05,811 For the both of us. 847 00:44:06,395 --> 00:44:08,189 Oh! 848 00:44:08,272 --> 00:44:12,901 That's my manicotti, always thinking of his little lasagna. 849 00:44:12,984 --> 00:44:15,946 Hey... 850 00:44:17,698 --> 00:44:19,491 I made you something. 851 00:44:21,034 --> 00:44:22,703 Fresh baked. 852 00:44:23,662 --> 00:44:24,663 Lorna... 853 00:44:24,746 --> 00:44:27,416 No, no, no, don't say it. 854 00:44:27,499 --> 00:44:30,336 You know, even though it took a lot of time, 855 00:44:30,419 --> 00:44:32,879 and I had to go to the store twice, 856 00:44:32,963 --> 00:44:36,675 you... are worth it. 857 00:44:48,937 --> 00:44:50,314 Hmm. 858 00:44:53,234 --> 00:44:54,235 Mmm! 859 00:44:54,318 --> 00:44:57,028 -Mmm! -It's still warm. 860 00:44:58,029 --> 00:45:00,031 My favorite. 861 00:45:00,115 --> 00:45:02,368 Peanut butter and M&M's. 862 00:45:02,451 --> 00:45:04,453 -Snickerdoodles. -Oh! 863 00:45:04,536 --> 00:45:06,955 -I love you. -Oh! 864 00:45:07,038 --> 00:45:09,833 And you should. I am quite a catch. 865 00:45:09,916 --> 00:45:12,961 Oh, my God, you are. You so are. 866 00:45:14,170 --> 00:45:15,506 Fuck. 867 00:45:17,424 --> 00:45:18,925 I want you. 868 00:45:19,926 --> 00:45:22,137 -Vinnie. -I want you. 869 00:45:22,220 --> 00:45:23,597 It's our living room. 870 00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,141 The neighbors want to look in, that's their good luck. 871 00:45:27,309 --> 00:45:29,102 I'm already unbuttoning my shirt. 872 00:45:29,811 --> 00:45:33,440 My goodness, you know that I can't resist your muscular chest. 873 00:45:33,524 --> 00:45:35,191 Oh, my God. 874 00:45:35,276 --> 00:45:37,819 My hands, they're in your hair right now. 875 00:45:38,570 --> 00:45:40,364 - I'm stroking it real soft. 876 00:45:40,447 --> 00:45:42,908 Till I grab a handful of it and pull it back. 877 00:45:42,991 --> 00:45:45,744 You're such a man. 878 00:45:45,827 --> 00:45:47,663 Oh, God. I'm licking your neck. 879 00:45:47,746 --> 00:45:49,290 Kissing your ears. 880 00:45:49,373 --> 00:45:51,917 My hand is on that big mountain in your pants, 881 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,545 and I am unzipping you right now. 882 00:45:54,628 --> 00:45:57,464 And I'm pulling your shirt off real slow. 883 00:45:57,548 --> 00:45:59,174 No, no, no, it's a button-up. 884 00:45:59,257 --> 00:46:01,760 -I unbutton it real slow. -No, no, no, tear it off. 885 00:46:01,843 --> 00:46:02,969 -Pulling it off. It's off. -Tear it off. 886 00:46:03,053 --> 00:46:05,096 It's off, the buttons, they're everywhere. They're everywhere. 887 00:46:05,180 --> 00:46:07,974 Oh, my God, my mouth... My mouth is on those big titties. 888 00:46:08,058 --> 00:46:10,894 -My nipples are so hard right now. -Oh, my God, my cock. 889 00:46:10,977 --> 00:46:12,521 Oh, my God, my cock is really hard. 890 00:46:12,604 --> 00:46:13,772 I know, baby. 891 00:46:13,855 --> 00:46:15,649 No, it's really hard. Like, right now, it's really hard. 892 00:46:15,732 --> 00:46:17,568 -I know, Vinnie... -Oh, God. 893 00:46:17,651 --> 00:46:19,528 -Vinnie, put it inside me. -Yeah? 894 00:46:19,611 --> 00:46:23,365 Oh, my God, it's in you. Oh, it's in you. 895 00:46:23,449 --> 00:46:25,283 - Oh, my God, it's in you. 896 00:46:25,367 --> 00:46:26,577 It feels so good. 897 00:46:26,660 --> 00:46:28,329 You're so wet. You are so wet. 898 00:46:28,412 --> 00:46:29,996 I actually am. 899 00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:31,998 -I'm super wet right now. -I know. 900 00:46:33,792 --> 00:46:34,918 Do it to me. 901 00:46:35,001 --> 00:46:37,003 I'm doing it. I'm doing it. 902 00:46:37,087 --> 00:46:38,839 -Don't stop. -I'm not stopping. 903 00:46:38,922 --> 00:46:40,298 I'm not stopping. I'm not gonna stop. 904 00:46:40,382 --> 00:46:43,176 I'm not gonna stop. Oh, my God. 905 00:46:43,259 --> 00:46:45,261 - Oh, baby! - Oh, my God! 906 00:46:50,016 --> 00:46:52,060 He's humping the table. 907 00:46:53,937 --> 00:46:56,607 --What the hell? 908 00:46:57,524 --> 00:47:01,945 Hey! Hey, stay right here. Stay looking at me, all right? 909 00:47:02,529 --> 00:47:04,030 Jesus Christ. 910 00:47:04,114 --> 00:47:05,657 Don't think I don't see you. 911 00:47:09,911 --> 00:47:11,788 Pleasure, as always. 912 00:47:11,872 --> 00:47:14,541 Also, I want to talk to you about something. 913 00:47:14,625 --> 00:47:17,335 If this is about last week, I don't get to control my flow. 914 00:47:17,419 --> 00:47:20,130 I think it's all the stress of all these new bitches in here. 915 00:47:20,756 --> 00:47:24,009 I know these last few weeks have had their challenges. 916 00:47:24,092 --> 00:47:27,388 So... I wanted to say thank you. 917 00:47:27,471 --> 00:47:29,848 And keep up the good work. 918 00:47:29,931 --> 00:47:32,350 Your morale is important to me. 919 00:47:32,434 --> 00:47:34,978 Oh! That's so sweet. 920 00:47:35,061 --> 00:47:36,146 Ovaltine? 921 00:47:36,229 --> 00:47:37,523 It's to make chocolate milk. 922 00:47:37,606 --> 00:47:39,357 Pretty much only Chinese people drink it now, 923 00:47:39,441 --> 00:47:43,194 which is probably why it's at commissary, but it's really good. 924 00:47:43,278 --> 00:47:45,531 So, it's chocolate powder for my powdered milk? 925 00:47:45,614 --> 00:47:46,823 It's got vitamins. 926 00:47:46,907 --> 00:47:48,199 Oh! 927 00:47:48,283 --> 00:47:50,619 See? New bitches. 928 00:47:50,702 --> 00:47:54,498 Why are they always staring like they're waiting for a donkey show to start? 929 00:47:54,581 --> 00:47:57,459 I don't think they're staring at you. They were following us earlier. 930 00:47:57,543 --> 00:47:58,794 And you didn't say anything? 931 00:47:58,877 --> 00:48:00,378 People can stare. 932 00:48:00,462 --> 00:48:02,506 -It's a free country. -Not in prison. 933 00:48:02,589 --> 00:48:04,382 See, this is what I'm talking about. 934 00:48:04,466 --> 00:48:06,760 I bet your Bloody Mary gonna come early, too. 935 00:48:38,374 --> 00:48:39,375 Hey. 936 00:48:41,086 --> 00:48:42,170 Hey. 937 00:48:49,177 --> 00:48:50,178 You okay? 938 00:48:50,261 --> 00:48:53,014 - No. You? 939 00:48:53,098 --> 00:48:54,558 No. 940 00:48:55,684 --> 00:48:56,935 Do you want to talk about it? 941 00:49:03,567 --> 00:49:06,027 Not really. You? 942 00:49:13,326 --> 00:49:15,621 But have you ever heard the phrase "paper asshole"? 943 00:49:17,122 --> 00:49:18,749 No. 944 00:49:18,832 --> 00:49:20,208 Ruiz said it to me. 945 00:49:21,585 --> 00:49:23,504 I think I pissed off the Dominicans. 946 00:49:24,379 --> 00:49:26,214 Relax. 947 00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:30,511 You run the Litchfield panty company... not the Sinaloa drug cartel. 948 00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:34,014 No one's stitching your face to a soccer ball. 949 00:49:36,349 --> 00:49:38,059 See ya around, Pipes. 950 00:49:45,526 --> 00:49:46,777 What's this? 951 00:49:46,860 --> 00:49:48,695 It's for the eyes. Takes the red out. 952 00:49:48,779 --> 00:49:51,447 I know what it is, pendeja. What's it doing out? It's contraband. 953 00:49:51,532 --> 00:49:54,034 Whoops! I need to be more careful. 954 00:49:54,117 --> 00:49:56,745 Yeah, you do. A few drops of that falls into the food, 955 00:49:56,828 --> 00:49:58,747 and this whole prison will be shitting their brains out. 956 00:49:58,830 --> 00:50:00,791 Really? I had no idea. 957 00:50:00,874 --> 00:50:05,170 She acts so tough, but to stress-eat this food? 958 00:50:05,253 --> 00:50:06,547 The poor woman. 959 00:50:06,630 --> 00:50:09,675 Oh, you evil, Russian bitch. 960 00:50:09,758 --> 00:50:14,304 What can I say? I do a lot with a little. 961 00:50:24,856 --> 00:50:26,191 No! 962 00:50:26,274 --> 00:50:28,193 No! No! 963 00:50:28,276 --> 00:50:30,612 What the fuck? That's my toilet paper. 964 00:50:31,905 --> 00:50:33,448 --Oh! 965 00:50:47,629 --> 00:50:49,505 I talk a lot. 966 00:50:51,091 --> 00:50:53,051 I babble... 967 00:50:53,134 --> 00:50:57,055 until I find something the person I'm with is interested in. 968 00:50:57,138 --> 00:51:00,601 And I'll say anything I can to get them to like me. 969 00:51:02,102 --> 00:51:07,315 But I... really... really like you. 970 00:51:09,651 --> 00:51:11,027 The real you. 971 00:51:11,737 --> 00:51:13,739 You don't know the real me. 972 00:51:14,906 --> 00:51:16,491 But I want to. 973 00:51:18,159 --> 00:51:22,122 So in, like, a minute, I'm gonna put down this radio, 974 00:51:22,205 --> 00:51:25,667 and I'm gonna listen to you tell me about yourself. 975 00:51:25,751 --> 00:51:30,714 And I'm not gonna try to rewrite your story in my head. 976 00:51:31,715 --> 00:51:35,176 And then, when you're done, I'd like to tell you about myself. 977 00:51:37,137 --> 00:51:42,392 And some of it will be embarrassing and ugly... 978 00:51:42,475 --> 00:51:44,144 but mostly boring. 979 00:51:46,730 --> 00:51:48,774 And then... 980 00:51:48,857 --> 00:51:52,903 maybe afterwards, we could, like... quiz each other or something? 981 00:51:56,281 --> 00:51:57,824 Eminem? 982 00:52:00,368 --> 00:52:04,414 Yeah, it's not a presumption about you liking rap. 983 00:52:04,497 --> 00:52:08,919 It's just... AM 700 The OG is the only station that comes in clear. 984 00:52:17,552 --> 00:52:19,345 Jackson, North Carolina. 985 00:52:23,599 --> 00:52:25,060 Is that where you were born? 986 00:52:25,686 --> 00:52:28,646 No, that's where my great-grandmother was born. 987 00:52:33,443 --> 00:52:36,697 I mean, stuffed crust shoulda revolutionized pizza, 988 00:52:36,780 --> 00:52:40,075 -but it was just a fad. -Man, nah, it's the same thing. 989 00:52:40,158 --> 00:52:42,035 -Man, it is not the same thing! -All right. 990 00:52:42,118 --> 00:52:46,998 'Cause that's Italian... this is Mexican. 991 00:52:47,082 --> 00:52:52,003 You got a stuffed tortilla, and you stuff that with more stuff. 992 00:52:52,087 --> 00:52:53,839 --Man, it's my golden ticket, 993 00:52:53,922 --> 00:52:56,967 and I'm gonna do it right with that business savvy and shit. 994 00:52:57,050 --> 00:52:59,469 --Hey, hey, hey! 995 00:53:00,678 --> 00:53:01,972 Do you hear that? 996 00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:05,767 What is that? 997 00:53:06,935 --> 00:53:08,478 Wow, look at that. 998 00:53:11,064 --> 00:53:12,899 That's a drone. 999 00:53:12,983 --> 00:53:16,069 -It's a drone. -Shit! What's it doing here? 1000 00:53:16,152 --> 00:53:18,196 Like we some Iraqi wedding? 1001 00:53:18,279 --> 00:53:20,406 Man, come on. We're gonna be late. 1002 00:53:22,826 --> 00:53:26,246 He was a bad man and we did good things. 1003 00:53:26,329 --> 00:53:29,207 He did bad things and we killed him good. 1004 00:53:30,375 --> 00:53:32,460 No, we did bad. 1005 00:53:32,543 --> 00:53:33,544 No! 1006 00:53:33,628 --> 00:53:35,213 We did well. 1007 00:54:14,085 --> 00:54:15,586 Hey. 1008 00:54:15,670 --> 00:54:16,754 Have you seen Whitehill? 1009 00:54:23,678 --> 00:54:25,847 Yeah, I forgot the garden needed turning. 1010 00:54:25,931 --> 00:54:28,599 If Rikerson comes back, just tell him where we went, okay? 1011 00:54:33,729 --> 00:54:35,148 Oh, fuck! 1012 00:54:39,485 --> 00:54:41,529 -No! No! -Lolly, Lolly. 1013 00:54:41,612 --> 00:54:42,780 --Listen, listen. 1014 00:54:42,864 --> 00:54:44,532 They know! They know! 1015 00:54:44,615 --> 00:54:47,327 They found you! We have to move the body! 1016 00:54:47,410 --> 00:54:49,704 Shut up. We cannot move the body. 1017 00:54:49,787 --> 00:54:51,539 There's drones. 1018 00:54:51,622 --> 00:54:52,958 Stop it, Lolly. 1019 00:54:54,417 --> 00:54:56,377 We cannot move it. 1020 00:54:57,587 --> 00:55:00,841 If I told you I already moved it, would it calm you down? 1021 00:55:02,633 --> 00:55:03,759 Maybe for a minute. 1022 00:55:03,844 --> 00:55:06,512 Good, 'cause I did. 1023 00:55:06,596 --> 00:55:07,638 Now, scat. 1024 00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:16,857 You didn't actually move it. 1025 00:55:16,940 --> 00:55:19,860 Hell, no. And I'm not about to. 1026 00:55:21,736 --> 00:55:24,114 We're gonna have to kill her.