1 00:00:59,355 --> 00:01:00,355 Synced and corrected by ChrisKe 2 00:01:00,380 --> 00:01:00,512 :::::[GWC]::::: 3 00:01:00,513 --> 00:01:00,646 :::::[GWC]::::: 4 00:01:00,647 --> 00:01:00,779 :::::[GWC]::::: 5 00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:00,912 :::::[GWC]::::: 6 00:01:00,913 --> 00:01:01,046 :::::[GWC]::::: 7 00:01:01,047 --> 00:01:01,179 :::::[GWC]::::: 8 00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:01,312 :::::[GWC]::::: 9 00:01:01,313 --> 00:01:01,446 :::::[GWC]::::: 10 00:01:01,447 --> 00:01:01,579 :::::[GWC]::::: 11 00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:01,712 :::::[GWC]::::: 12 00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:01,846 :::::[GWC]::::: 13 00:01:01,847 --> 00:01:01,979 :::::[GWC]::::: 14 00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:02,112 :::::[GWC]::::: 15 00:01:02,113 --> 00:01:02,246 :::::[GWC]::::: 16 00:01:02,247 --> 00:01:12,880 :::::[GWC]::::: 17 00:01:14,356 --> 00:01:16,733 No! Vee! Vee! 18 00:01:17,651 --> 00:01:19,403 No, Vee. 19 00:01:19,486 --> 00:01:22,196 Vee, Vee! Vee. 20 00:01:22,804 --> 00:01:23,889 Shut the fuck up! 21 00:01:23,972 --> 00:01:26,391 Yeah, I've been trying to get some sleep around here! 22 00:01:26,474 --> 00:01:28,810 - What in the hell is wrong with you? - Trying to sleep. 23 00:01:28,894 --> 00:01:29,936 I'm so tired of this shit. 24 00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:32,814 Vee's in trouble. I gotta tell her about the dragon that's coming. 25 00:01:32,898 --> 00:01:35,901 It was a dream, crazy pants. You were dreaming. 26 00:01:35,984 --> 00:01:37,527 - What? - Sit your ass down. 27 00:01:41,990 --> 00:01:43,310 - Just a dream? - Yes! 28 00:01:43,366 --> 00:01:46,036 Like yesterday and the day before that! 29 00:01:46,119 --> 00:01:47,370 Shit! 30 00:01:49,748 --> 00:01:51,291 Damn it! 31 00:01:51,667 --> 00:01:54,044 Sorry. 32 00:02:05,221 --> 00:02:06,514 Rise and shine, ladies. 33 00:02:06,597 --> 00:02:09,350 Another crappy day in prison. 34 00:02:14,981 --> 00:02:16,775 Shut up! 35 00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:43,969 It smells like her. 36 00:02:44,761 --> 00:02:47,555 You wouldn't understand it, you're not a parent. 37 00:02:48,514 --> 00:02:53,269 But the top of your head, right here... it always smells like you. 38 00:02:54,229 --> 00:02:58,149 From the time you're an infant, until you're a fucked-up adult. 39 00:03:00,026 --> 00:03:01,527 Luschek is the fuck up. 40 00:03:01,611 --> 00:03:03,822 Bullshit. Luschek wasn't lying. 41 00:03:03,905 --> 00:03:06,407 That baggie was hers. She told me herself. 42 00:03:07,951 --> 00:03:10,161 A junkie and a hoarder. 43 00:03:10,245 --> 00:03:12,455 He is still the reason that she is down there. 44 00:03:12,538 --> 00:03:14,665 He did not need to name her. 45 00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:18,128 Being angry at him is a waste of time. 46 00:03:20,171 --> 00:03:23,049 Seems more productive than sniffing an old hairbrush. 47 00:03:25,301 --> 00:03:27,553 Hey, Pennsa-fucky. 48 00:03:28,388 --> 00:03:31,099 Hey, you know that Pennsatucky's a nickname. 49 00:03:31,182 --> 00:03:32,433 Mmm-hmm. 50 00:03:32,517 --> 00:03:35,103 So, you don't gotta change it. It's already a name that's not my name. 51 00:03:35,186 --> 00:03:37,898 Yes, but there's always room to riff. 52 00:03:37,981 --> 00:03:39,690 Can I borrow some toothpaste? My commissary's low. 53 00:03:39,775 --> 00:03:41,359 No, I don't got none. 54 00:03:42,318 --> 00:03:43,779 Big Boobs. 55 00:03:43,862 --> 00:03:44,863 Nice one. 56 00:03:45,405 --> 00:03:46,823 How do you not have any toothpaste? 57 00:03:46,907 --> 00:03:49,659 'Cause I don't need any toothpaste. These babies are porcelain. 58 00:03:50,827 --> 00:03:54,705 You know, I sure as hell ain't a dentist, but I don't think that's how it works. 59 00:03:54,790 --> 00:03:57,583 Why? 'Cause you think the Queen of England's just sittin' around, 60 00:03:57,667 --> 00:04:01,129 ordering her butler or whatever to clean the fancy china with Colgate? 61 00:04:01,212 --> 00:04:02,839 No, of course not. 62 00:04:02,923 --> 00:04:06,217 Because plates don't get cavities and neither do these bad boys. 63 00:04:07,218 --> 00:04:12,098 Man... your parents didn't really even do the bare minimum with you. 64 00:04:12,182 --> 00:04:13,599 Oh. 65 00:04:13,683 --> 00:04:18,563 I see your evangeli-crazy fan club is still going full swing. 66 00:04:18,646 --> 00:04:21,441 "Blood will be shed... 67 00:04:21,524 --> 00:04:23,443 for the murdered babies. 68 00:04:23,526 --> 00:04:27,655 We shall stand together and rejoice as the transgressors'... 69 00:04:27,738 --> 00:04:30,784 skin crackles in the fires of hell." 70 00:04:30,867 --> 00:04:33,203 Jesus fucking Christ, that is terrifying. 71 00:04:33,286 --> 00:04:36,372 When you hear it out loud, I see your point. 72 00:04:36,456 --> 00:04:40,251 "Reverend Lawlor circulated your prison ID number. 73 00:04:40,335 --> 00:04:42,545 We hope that you've received our donation, and that you'll... " 74 00:04:42,628 --> 00:04:43,629 Hold up. 75 00:04:43,713 --> 00:04:44,965 Hmm? 76 00:04:45,048 --> 00:04:48,051 These pulsing forehead veins... they give you money? 77 00:04:48,134 --> 00:04:50,804 Yeah, they do in my commissary. 78 00:04:50,887 --> 00:04:52,263 Oh, my God! 79 00:04:52,347 --> 00:04:53,723 Hmm? 80 00:04:53,807 --> 00:04:56,517 That is fucking genius. 81 00:04:56,601 --> 00:04:58,019 I don't know. 82 00:04:59,896 --> 00:05:01,857 I've been having some feelings about it. 83 00:05:02,607 --> 00:05:05,193 Did you know I didn't shoot that nurse lady 84 00:05:05,276 --> 00:05:09,197 for any type of holy righteous thing like they all think? 85 00:05:10,531 --> 00:05:11,782 I, uh... 86 00:05:14,452 --> 00:05:17,788 I got really mad and she hurt my... She hurt my feelings. 87 00:05:17,873 --> 00:05:19,540 And sometimes... 88 00:05:19,624 --> 00:05:23,544 I get this... I get this really bad temper. 89 00:05:24,712 --> 00:05:25,796 Phew. 90 00:05:29,092 --> 00:05:30,718 You still like me or... 91 00:05:30,843 --> 00:05:34,973 Oh, Doggett... don't you know what this means? 92 00:05:35,056 --> 00:05:38,268 Yeah. I'm going to hell. 93 00:05:38,351 --> 00:05:40,478 No, no. 94 00:05:40,561 --> 00:05:43,356 It means you're the normal one. 95 00:05:43,439 --> 00:05:47,027 I mean, come on... some bitch insulted you, so you shot her? 96 00:05:47,110 --> 00:05:49,320 Now, to me, that makes a hell of a lot more sense 97 00:05:49,404 --> 00:05:51,281 than shooting a complete stranger 98 00:05:51,364 --> 00:05:53,449 that you've demonized for your own agenda. 99 00:05:53,533 --> 00:05:56,827 I mean, being too militant about anything... 100 00:05:56,912 --> 00:05:58,496 never ends well. 101 00:05:59,414 --> 00:06:01,791 Those people, they're the nutbags. 102 00:06:04,085 --> 00:06:05,211 - Yep. - Yeah? 103 00:06:05,295 --> 00:06:06,546 - Yep. - Yeah. 104 00:06:06,629 --> 00:06:07,630 I get it. 105 00:06:07,713 --> 00:06:08,798 Yeah! 106 00:06:08,881 --> 00:06:12,593 I need to stop taking nuts from nutbags. All right. 107 00:06:12,677 --> 00:06:14,595 It's time to right my wrongs. 108 00:06:15,763 --> 00:06:17,265 No, no, no, no. 109 00:06:17,348 --> 00:06:20,936 That's... not what I said. 110 00:06:24,855 --> 00:06:27,943 I don't care what you want. I'm not fucking wearing it! 111 00:06:28,026 --> 00:06:30,528 Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time? 112 00:06:30,611 --> 00:06:32,447 Because you're such a good role model. 113 00:06:32,530 --> 00:06:34,199 Do you want the kids to make fun of you? 114 00:06:34,282 --> 00:06:37,243 There's good attention and there's bad attention, Carrie. 115 00:06:37,327 --> 00:06:38,954 I do not understand why you have to 116 00:06:39,037 --> 00:06:40,997 always make things so difficult for yourself! 117 00:06:41,081 --> 00:06:43,374 - I swear to God! - What the hell's going on? 118 00:06:43,458 --> 00:06:45,876 You know, I give up. I give up! 119 00:06:46,877 --> 00:06:48,796 Well, that's... nice. 120 00:06:49,547 --> 00:06:50,840 Are you fucking kidding me? 121 00:06:50,923 --> 00:06:53,801 Enough with the "fuckings." We get that you're a teenager. 122 00:06:53,884 --> 00:06:57,097 - I look like a thumb in a dress. - You know how happy it'll make her. 123 00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:58,974 You're aware of how stupid that is, right? 124 00:06:59,057 --> 00:07:02,602 That I have to go out and pretend to be something I'm not to make her happy? 125 00:07:02,685 --> 00:07:04,437 One day we're asking from you. 126 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,080 I can't go to school like this. I won't. 127 00:07:06,147 --> 00:07:09,109 Well, you don't have a choice. Here's how it works. 128 00:07:09,192 --> 00:07:13,154 You go, you sit, you smile, they flash the little bulb. 129 00:07:13,238 --> 00:07:16,824 Mom has a picture of you to show Grandma that won't make her have another stroke... 130 00:07:16,907 --> 00:07:19,910 and you keep wearing clothes from the boys' section at JC Penney's 131 00:07:19,995 --> 00:07:21,454 on every other day of the year. 132 00:07:21,537 --> 00:07:23,914 - Everyone's happy. - Yeah, except me. 133 00:07:23,999 --> 00:07:27,168 Boy, it must be exhausting. All those raging hormones. 134 00:07:27,252 --> 00:07:31,965 Look, I'll buy you a root beer. I'll put a bendy straw in it. 135 00:07:32,882 --> 00:07:35,510 Do this for your father who has to live with your mother. 136 00:07:36,094 --> 00:07:37,137 Please. 137 00:07:38,096 --> 00:07:40,640 Fine. But you're both assholes. 138 00:07:40,723 --> 00:07:43,559 There's my sweet little buttercup! 139 00:07:52,610 --> 00:07:53,736 Library later? 140 00:07:55,488 --> 00:07:56,697 I have a headache. 141 00:07:59,534 --> 00:08:03,329 What are you? A '50s housewife? We haven't had sex in a week. 142 00:08:05,290 --> 00:08:07,542 Lesbian bed death. It's a thing. Look it up. 143 00:08:07,625 --> 00:08:10,128 Yeah, I'm familiar with it, and it's bullshit. 144 00:08:10,211 --> 00:08:11,337 Hmm. 145 00:08:12,297 --> 00:08:15,466 Come on, maybe we can't... hate-fuck anymore, 146 00:08:15,550 --> 00:08:17,885 but we can still love-fuck, right? 147 00:08:18,803 --> 00:08:22,015 - Love-fuck? - Yeah. 148 00:08:22,098 --> 00:08:24,184 Oh, that's so unappealing, my nipples inverted. 149 00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:25,685 Come on. 150 00:08:26,561 --> 00:08:29,480 It's the only thing that feels normal to me right now. 151 00:08:30,023 --> 00:08:31,774 Which should tell you how messed up I am. 152 00:08:33,609 --> 00:08:35,028 Let me feel your normals. 153 00:08:35,111 --> 00:08:36,821 Alex, can we drop this? 154 00:08:36,904 --> 00:08:40,408 God, you're acting so pissy. It's making me kind of hot. 155 00:08:40,491 --> 00:08:43,661 Not today, okay? Stop. 156 00:08:44,495 --> 00:08:45,580 Is this about Nicky? 157 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,166 I miss her, too. 158 00:08:48,249 --> 00:08:49,334 But she, of all people, 159 00:08:49,417 --> 00:08:51,252 would want us getting off in her honor. 160 00:08:51,336 --> 00:08:53,838 You're the worst. 161 00:08:56,257 --> 00:08:57,633 Oh, shit. 162 00:08:59,427 --> 00:09:01,971 It's June 7th. 163 00:09:02,638 --> 00:09:06,016 - Oh, my God. - Can you not tell anyone, please? 164 00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:10,020 Because you know how I feel about June 7ths. 165 00:09:10,105 --> 00:09:11,689 Okay. 166 00:09:12,773 --> 00:09:16,486 Your wish is my command, princess. Oh, that'd be a fun role-play. 167 00:09:17,237 --> 00:09:18,446 Genie and Aladdin. 168 00:09:18,529 --> 00:09:21,699 "Free me from this lamp, street urchin!" 169 00:09:21,782 --> 00:09:24,244 No? All right, we'll work up to it. 170 00:09:26,246 --> 00:09:28,498 Good, good, good, good. 171 00:09:28,581 --> 00:09:30,958 Hope you're enjoying the provisions, folks. 172 00:09:31,041 --> 00:09:34,379 We're gonna need you to put your best caffeinated foot forward today. 173 00:09:34,462 --> 00:09:36,297 - Where's the cream? - No cream. 174 00:09:36,381 --> 00:09:37,715 2%, you want that? 175 00:09:37,798 --> 00:09:39,342 Fig always bought cream. 176 00:09:39,425 --> 00:09:41,219 Let's go. Sit down. 177 00:09:41,302 --> 00:09:43,304 How long is this gonna take? 178 00:09:43,388 --> 00:09:46,599 Remember a week ago, when you were all crying about losing your jobs? 179 00:09:46,682 --> 00:09:49,394 Remember how horrible that was gonna be? Hmm? 180 00:09:49,477 --> 00:09:52,897 Well, good old Joe here might have found a solution to the problem. 181 00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:54,815 Now it's your turn to help yourselves. 182 00:09:54,899 --> 00:09:56,025 Yes? 183 00:09:56,109 --> 00:09:58,236 Did you just refer to yourself in the third person? 184 00:09:58,319 --> 00:10:01,030 I don't trust these people. 185 00:10:01,114 --> 00:10:03,741 Who buys property without any comps in the neighborhood? 186 00:10:03,824 --> 00:10:05,160 Can't be a good investment. 187 00:10:05,243 --> 00:10:09,330 They're not buying it... all right? Litchfield will remain a federal property. 188 00:10:09,414 --> 00:10:12,208 MCC would manage it and retain any profits. 189 00:10:12,292 --> 00:10:13,709 Look, guys, it's a long shot. 190 00:10:13,793 --> 00:10:15,953 They're considering several facilities at the moment... 191 00:10:15,961 --> 00:10:20,175 but I convinced them... that we were worth being on that list. 192 00:10:20,258 --> 00:10:21,717 So, you lied to them. 193 00:10:23,594 --> 00:10:25,888 I merely let them know that we're a good bet. 194 00:10:26,889 --> 00:10:27,890 Sounds like lying. 195 00:10:31,018 --> 00:10:33,271 There are many misconceptions... 196 00:10:34,063 --> 00:10:38,359 about the costs and difficulty associated with female prisons, 197 00:10:38,443 --> 00:10:41,487 which I will clear up for them on the tour today. 198 00:10:41,571 --> 00:10:44,449 These poochies be difficult. For real, though. 199 00:10:45,616 --> 00:10:48,244 Look, help me out. 200 00:10:48,328 --> 00:10:50,413 Don't be stupid. 201 00:10:50,496 --> 00:10:52,248 I've already prepped a few inmates. 202 00:10:52,332 --> 00:10:54,417 If you see something these people shouldn't see, 203 00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:56,461 solve the problem quickly and quietly. 204 00:10:56,544 --> 00:11:00,047 Managing this place for the Feds? I don't like the smell of that. 205 00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:02,425 How does unemployment smell? Good? 206 00:11:02,508 --> 00:11:05,135 Smells good to you? 207 00:11:09,349 --> 00:11:13,060 Yo, you kept me up all night... and now I gotta eat with your ass, too? 208 00:11:13,143 --> 00:11:15,396 Man, don't say "eat" and "ass" so close together 209 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:16,897 while I'm trying to eat breakfast. 210 00:11:16,981 --> 00:11:18,983 Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed. 211 00:11:19,066 --> 00:11:21,110 Technically, there's only one side of the bed 212 00:11:21,193 --> 00:11:23,070 because the other side is up against the partition, 213 00:11:23,153 --> 00:11:24,154 which wouldn't allow... 214 00:11:24,239 --> 00:11:26,907 - Will you shut the hell up? - Shit, it's too early for this. 215 00:11:26,991 --> 00:11:28,826 You know what? Somebody wanna explain to me 216 00:11:28,909 --> 00:11:30,286 why she's sitting with us, anyway? 217 00:11:30,370 --> 00:11:32,538 I mean, since when did we start chilling with bitch-ass followers 218 00:11:32,622 --> 00:11:36,125 who beat the shit out of people just 'cause some crazy lunatic says to? 219 00:11:36,876 --> 00:11:39,795 Sound like some vengeful Simon Says bullshit, if you ask me. 220 00:11:39,879 --> 00:11:41,547 I was just clarifying the bed issue. 221 00:11:41,631 --> 00:11:43,424 Clarity is important. 222 00:11:43,508 --> 00:11:46,511 "You should be meticulous with your words." 223 00:11:46,594 --> 00:11:48,554 That's what Vee would say. 224 00:11:48,638 --> 00:11:51,641 Except she don't say shit now... 225 00:11:52,558 --> 00:11:55,227 'cause everybody be saying, "That bitch got smushed 226 00:11:55,311 --> 00:11:56,687 like a bug on a windshield." 227 00:11:56,771 --> 00:11:58,211 - Here we go. - No. No. 228 00:11:58,273 --> 00:12:02,067 You're a liar. She's fine! Vee is fine! 229 00:12:02,151 --> 00:12:04,236 She's coming back for me! 230 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,614 Hey, hey, hey. Take care of your girl. 231 00:12:06,697 --> 00:12:08,198 I ain't her keeper. 232 00:12:08,283 --> 00:12:09,909 It's you or the SHU. 233 00:12:09,992 --> 00:12:12,077 - You wanna be responsible for that? - Really? 234 00:12:16,123 --> 00:12:18,709 Suzanne, sit down. 235 00:12:21,962 --> 00:12:23,172 P... 236 00:12:24,214 --> 00:12:26,509 switch seats and don't talk to her! 237 00:12:26,592 --> 00:12:28,511 You wanna carry that grudge, be my guest, 238 00:12:28,594 --> 00:12:31,681 but I don't see how them scrawny chicken legs can stand the extra weight. 239 00:12:35,017 --> 00:12:38,354 My legs ain't scrawny... they're proportional. 240 00:12:51,409 --> 00:12:52,827 Hey, hey. 241 00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:56,456 - Nicky will be okay. - How do you know? 242 00:12:57,206 --> 00:13:00,751 I don't. I just... It's a thing people say, right? 243 00:13:02,337 --> 00:13:04,046 I'll get your tray. 244 00:13:08,926 --> 00:13:11,011 Yo, careful, you're gonna splatter. 245 00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:15,433 That mother... fucker. 246 00:13:18,185 --> 00:13:20,896 - Bennett fucked Aleida? - No, you idiot. 247 00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:22,690 Oh, like that's such a crazy question. 248 00:13:22,773 --> 00:13:25,192 These eggs smell like ass. 249 00:13:25,275 --> 00:13:27,862 Gloria must have used that fart seasoning. 250 00:13:30,406 --> 00:13:33,368 Yo, you're fucking children, yo. I can't deal with it today. 251 00:13:50,968 --> 00:13:54,930 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth... " 252 00:13:55,014 --> 00:13:56,348 Really, "lieth"? 253 00:13:56,432 --> 00:13:58,100 You can't say that word without a lisp. 254 00:13:58,183 --> 00:13:59,894 Who are these people kidding? God was the original fag. 255 00:13:59,977 --> 00:14:04,231 Look... I happen to think this church of hers isn't deserving of the title, 256 00:14:04,314 --> 00:14:06,776 and we have a deal... but don't push me. 257 00:14:06,859 --> 00:14:09,111 - You're right, Sister. - My bad. 258 00:14:09,194 --> 00:14:11,447 "As he lieth with woman, they are both committing an abomination, 259 00:14:11,531 --> 00:14:14,617 they shall surely be put to death, their blood will be upon them." Boom. 260 00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:17,745 - And? - Leviticus, 24601. 261 00:14:18,954 --> 00:14:21,666 23:13, 20. 262 00:14:21,749 --> 00:14:24,919 - Not Jean Val-jean’s prison number. - Good catch. 263 00:14:25,002 --> 00:14:28,005 - Thou shalt not make musical references. - Why not? 264 00:14:28,088 --> 00:14:31,467 Because that's, like, the gayest thing on the planet and even I know that. 265 00:14:31,551 --> 00:14:35,805 That is an ugly stereotype... about gay men. 266 00:14:35,888 --> 00:14:38,724 See, everybody knows my people are stage managers, not performers. 267 00:14:38,808 --> 00:14:41,060 Oh, remember to talk about the light... a lot. 268 00:14:41,143 --> 00:14:43,438 Walking into the light. Following the light. 269 00:14:43,521 --> 00:14:45,398 That's good. Yep. Remember that, Boo. 270 00:14:45,481 --> 00:14:48,067 Are you sure you're prepared for this? 271 00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:51,737 Eastberg Baptist is all hate, all the time. 272 00:14:52,947 --> 00:14:56,033 Jesus' girlfriend's got a real good point. 273 00:14:56,116 --> 00:14:58,285 'Cause licking gravy boats has kind of been your whole thing. 274 00:14:58,368 --> 00:15:01,664 And Reverend Lawlor, he's got a lot of opinions. 275 00:15:01,747 --> 00:15:04,333 Okay, look. Nobody is talking about 276 00:15:04,417 --> 00:15:07,252 conceding my hard-earned position as Lord of the Lesbians. 277 00:15:07,336 --> 00:15:11,090 I'm just... embracing the gray areas to make a buck. 278 00:15:11,173 --> 00:15:14,301 Black and white, that's for zebras and Michael Jackson. 279 00:15:14,384 --> 00:15:16,971 - Wait, ain't he dead? - Exactly. 280 00:15:18,347 --> 00:15:19,432 Here you go, Sister. 281 00:15:19,515 --> 00:15:23,603 - In lieu of a mattress. - Oh. Pleasure doing business with you. 282 00:15:24,228 --> 00:15:25,938 And finally, 283 00:15:26,021 --> 00:15:29,484 what led you to see how far you strayed from the Christian life, Miss Black? 284 00:15:29,567 --> 00:15:30,568 Oh. 285 00:15:30,651 --> 00:15:34,404 Well... I hadn't found the right man, of course. 286 00:15:34,489 --> 00:15:38,909 But then... this chubby Santa Claus-looking guard showed up, 287 00:15:38,993 --> 00:15:40,453 and boom! 288 00:15:40,536 --> 00:15:41,787 One look at his meaty ass 289 00:15:41,871 --> 00:15:44,499 and I was sticky in the knickers for monogamous hetero love. 290 00:15:49,712 --> 00:15:53,048 - Whoo! 291 00:15:54,842 --> 00:15:56,093 Hey, girl. 292 00:16:09,106 --> 00:16:10,525 - You okay? - Yeah. 293 00:16:16,030 --> 00:16:17,031 How's it look? 294 00:16:17,114 --> 00:16:20,785 Oh, clear skies with 100% chance of pussy after midnight. 295 00:16:20,868 --> 00:16:24,204 - I'm talking about the Browns game. - Oh! Five point spread. Steelers. 296 00:16:24,288 --> 00:16:25,706 Fuckers! All right. 297 00:16:26,999 --> 00:16:29,710 I'll take... our boys... 298 00:16:29,794 --> 00:16:31,045 - Yeah. - ATS. 299 00:16:32,296 --> 00:16:33,714 Good luck. 300 00:16:33,798 --> 00:16:34,799 Ha! 301 00:16:34,882 --> 00:16:37,009 Hey, Marcus. 302 00:16:37,092 --> 00:16:40,095 Tell your boy over there he owes me 200 by Monday. 303 00:16:40,179 --> 00:16:41,180 Cut him some slack. 304 00:16:41,263 --> 00:16:43,724 That is not the business that I'm in, my brother. 305 00:16:48,771 --> 00:16:50,147 Oh, I know this one. 306 00:16:56,361 --> 00:16:59,699 - Well, hello there. - Hi. 307 00:16:59,782 --> 00:17:00,825 Rum and Coke, right? 308 00:17:02,326 --> 00:17:03,953 I'm very intuitive. 309 00:17:05,079 --> 00:17:07,122 - It's my favorite. - Yeah? 310 00:17:07,206 --> 00:17:10,042 Tastes like vacation in a cup. 311 00:17:12,837 --> 00:17:15,380 That was the stupidest thing I've ever said. 312 00:17:19,009 --> 00:17:21,762 - Uh, my name's Carrie. - Tracy. 313 00:17:21,846 --> 00:17:25,975 Tracy? Well... it is nice to meet you. 314 00:17:29,186 --> 00:17:31,897 I'm having such a good time with you. 315 00:17:31,981 --> 00:17:34,650 No, it's... It's okay, isn't it? 316 00:17:34,734 --> 00:17:36,569 Oh, oh. 317 00:17:36,652 --> 00:17:38,237 Look where you are. 318 00:17:43,492 --> 00:17:44,702 I live really close to here. 319 00:17:44,785 --> 00:17:47,872 Do you wanna go there and... have another drink? 320 00:17:48,998 --> 00:17:53,085 - Yeah, let's do that. - Let's do that. 321 00:17:53,168 --> 00:17:54,378 - Okay. - Yeah. 322 00:17:54,461 --> 00:17:55,880 Fucking dykes. 323 00:17:55,963 --> 00:17:57,381 Are you fucking kidding me? 324 00:17:57,464 --> 00:17:59,884 You think you're a tough guy, you cocktail wiener? 325 00:17:59,967 --> 00:18:01,636 Answer me, you fuckwad! 326 00:18:01,719 --> 00:18:04,179 I should fucking kill you, you fucking asshole! 327 00:18:04,263 --> 00:18:06,181 I'll stuff your little cock down your throat! 328 00:18:06,265 --> 00:18:07,683 Get out of here! 329 00:18:07,767 --> 00:18:09,351 Get the fuck out of here! 330 00:18:09,434 --> 00:18:12,897 That's right. Run, you homophobic little bitch! 331 00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:13,981 Um... 332 00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:16,316 I'm going home. 333 00:18:17,401 --> 00:18:20,445 What? Don't let that little shit ruin our night. 334 00:18:20,529 --> 00:18:22,990 You ruined our night. 335 00:18:23,616 --> 00:18:24,659 Seriously? 336 00:18:24,742 --> 00:18:26,619 You can't blame a stupid kid 337 00:18:26,702 --> 00:18:29,914 when you're the poster child for all things butch! 338 00:18:31,290 --> 00:18:33,668 You were so hot before you were a cunt. 339 00:18:33,751 --> 00:18:36,837 What the fuck happened to you to make you so angry? 340 00:18:36,921 --> 00:18:40,925 Oh, I wish I had some sob story that would explain everything. 341 00:18:41,008 --> 00:18:45,846 Well, sorry to disappoint you, sugar. Ain't no dramatic origin story here. 342 00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:48,766 Just a big old dyke who refuses to apologize for it. 343 00:18:48,849 --> 00:18:52,978 You know, c'est moi... you prissy, homophobic, self-hating bitch. 344 00:18:56,148 --> 00:18:58,483 It was really great meeting you. 345 00:19:07,576 --> 00:19:08,703 Fuck. 346 00:19:08,786 --> 00:19:10,579 Thank you so much for coming. Joe Caputo. 347 00:19:10,663 --> 00:19:14,166 Hi, Joe. We spoke on the phone. Elizabeth Wilkinson, SVP of Acquisitions. 348 00:19:14,249 --> 00:19:15,710 Yes, hi. 349 00:19:15,793 --> 00:19:18,754 - Jack. SVP of Strategic Planning. - Jack. 350 00:19:18,838 --> 00:19:21,799 - Robert. SVP of Development. - Robert. 351 00:19:21,882 --> 00:19:24,134 Well, thank you so much for hearing us out today. 352 00:19:24,218 --> 00:19:28,889 I think you will find that Litchfield will make a great addition to your company. 353 00:19:28,973 --> 00:19:30,766 Not according to our cost analysis. 354 00:19:32,810 --> 00:19:34,019 Hey there. 355 00:19:34,103 --> 00:19:35,187 - Joe Caputo. - Oh. 356 00:19:35,270 --> 00:19:37,397 Hey. Danny Pearson. Good to meet you. 357 00:19:37,481 --> 00:19:39,817 Hey, I remember those days. Don't let them get you down. 358 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:41,819 Oh, yeah. This is... 359 00:19:41,902 --> 00:19:44,113 - Hey, can I ask you something? - Sure thing. 360 00:19:45,197 --> 00:19:46,824 Am I dressed appropriately? 361 00:19:46,907 --> 00:19:49,118 I'm new and the e-mail said no khaki, 362 00:19:49,201 --> 00:19:52,162 and then I wasn't sure whether to go dressy or casual. 363 00:19:52,246 --> 00:19:54,832 And the more I thought about it, slacks just seemed... 364 00:19:54,915 --> 00:19:57,334 I don't know. You ever worry about 365 00:19:57,417 --> 00:19:59,795 throwing your freedom of choice in their faces 366 00:19:59,879 --> 00:20:02,965 like you're showing off to the... women? 367 00:20:03,673 --> 00:20:05,050 We prefer to call them "inmates." 368 00:20:05,134 --> 00:20:09,179 - And you look just fine, Danny. - Oh, great. Thanks. 369 00:20:09,263 --> 00:20:10,723 Let's get started, huh? 370 00:20:10,806 --> 00:20:13,726 I mean, you would have died. Second row. Can you even... 371 00:20:13,809 --> 00:20:17,562 I could basically smell Trey Anastasio's BO. 372 00:20:17,646 --> 00:20:19,648 Oh, and Brittani with an "I," not a "Y... " 373 00:20:19,732 --> 00:20:22,902 she totally smuggled in, like, an eighth of that strawberry Kush hybrid 374 00:20:22,985 --> 00:20:25,946 that Feinberg's been growing. 375 00:20:26,030 --> 00:20:28,573 It was such a killer night. 376 00:20:29,950 --> 00:20:31,701 Anyway, I miss you. 377 00:20:33,954 --> 00:20:36,123 That's so fun, Meadow. 378 00:20:37,917 --> 00:20:39,459 Are you okay? 379 00:20:39,543 --> 00:20:40,836 Mmm... 380 00:20:41,837 --> 00:20:43,130 No. 381 00:20:43,213 --> 00:20:44,757 Everyone's been talking about you. 382 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,592 You know, how badass it is that you're actually here. 383 00:20:47,676 --> 00:20:50,429 How the rest of us, we wouldn't be able to survive in prison. 384 00:20:50,512 --> 00:20:54,266 But look at you. You're doing it. It is so cool. 385 00:20:54,349 --> 00:20:55,392 Oh. 386 00:20:56,769 --> 00:20:58,353 Are you fucking kidding me? 387 00:20:59,438 --> 00:21:02,900 Your vibe's different. Are you sure you're okay? 388 00:21:02,983 --> 00:21:06,278 If this is about the Pema Chödrön fight we had right before you left, 389 00:21:06,361 --> 00:21:09,990 - it's really not a big deal... - Prison is not cool. 390 00:21:12,326 --> 00:21:14,829 Being here is not cool. 391 00:21:16,288 --> 00:21:21,961 It's not brave or admirable or courageous. 392 00:21:22,044 --> 00:21:23,503 It's stupid. 393 00:21:25,464 --> 00:21:28,175 I feel stupid for being in here... 394 00:21:30,052 --> 00:21:34,014 and stupid for thinking that it wouldn't ruin my life 395 00:21:34,098 --> 00:21:35,850 and that it would be okay. 396 00:21:35,933 --> 00:21:38,227 And I'm not surviving. 397 00:21:38,310 --> 00:21:41,730 I'm just... existing. 398 00:21:43,107 --> 00:21:48,320 You know, I drove, like, three hours to get here, right? 399 00:21:49,864 --> 00:21:53,826 Well... you don't have to ever again. 400 00:21:58,163 --> 00:22:00,723 _ 401 00:22:01,416 --> 00:22:06,171 Benito Mendoza... look at me. Right now. 402 00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:13,303 _ 403 00:22:13,387 --> 00:22:16,140 _ 404 00:22:16,223 --> 00:22:18,725 _ 405 00:22:18,808 --> 00:22:20,144 _ 406 00:22:20,227 --> 00:22:23,438 _ 407 00:22:25,399 --> 00:22:26,400 Gloria. 408 00:22:26,483 --> 00:22:28,485 _ 409 00:22:29,361 --> 00:22:31,071 _ 410 00:22:31,155 --> 00:22:33,698 _ 411 00:22:34,366 --> 00:22:36,576 _ 412 00:22:36,660 --> 00:22:38,453 _ 413 00:22:38,537 --> 00:22:41,081 _ 414 00:22:43,750 --> 00:22:45,550 Oh, you think that's funny? 415 00:22:46,962 --> 00:22:48,255 You listen to me. 416 00:22:49,339 --> 00:22:50,925 You think you hot shit? 417 00:22:51,008 --> 00:22:52,217 You think because I messed up, 418 00:22:52,301 --> 00:22:53,635 you're gonna follow in your mother's footsteps? 419 00:22:53,718 --> 00:22:55,930 Well, let me tell you something, you're dead wrong. 420 00:22:56,013 --> 00:22:58,348 From now on, you're gonna come here. 421 00:22:58,432 --> 00:23:01,310 Every week, you're gonna bring your homework. 422 00:23:01,393 --> 00:23:05,772 And if you don't, I will make your life a living hell... 423 00:23:05,855 --> 00:23:07,149 even from in here. 424 00:23:07,232 --> 00:23:08,858 Try me. 425 00:23:08,943 --> 00:23:11,278 I'll call my brothers from Washington Heights... 426 00:23:11,361 --> 00:23:13,530 and they will hang your ass over that bridge... 427 00:23:13,613 --> 00:23:17,409 until you piss on yourself and it comes running down your body into your mouth. 428 00:23:18,910 --> 00:23:21,163 That's the kind of shit they live for. 429 00:23:23,415 --> 00:23:25,125 Every week, Benito. 430 00:23:26,961 --> 00:23:29,921 You hear me, little boy? Every week. 431 00:23:34,630 --> 00:23:37,947 _ 432 00:23:37,972 --> 00:23:40,099 _ 433 00:23:50,025 --> 00:23:52,527 Here... let me get that. 434 00:23:52,611 --> 00:23:55,780 - Here. - Oh, you didn't have to do that. 435 00:23:55,864 --> 00:23:59,534 Well, you didn't have to say all those nice things about me to Katya, either. 436 00:23:59,618 --> 00:24:01,745 Your Russian really must be terrible. 437 00:24:03,038 --> 00:24:06,458 - You called me a good man. - I only said what I believed. 438 00:24:09,961 --> 00:24:11,130 Are you all right? 439 00:24:12,547 --> 00:24:14,508 Your eyes look glassy. 440 00:24:15,967 --> 00:24:18,595 I feel like I lost a child. 441 00:24:20,930 --> 00:24:22,141 I'm sorry, Galina. 442 00:24:27,187 --> 00:24:29,814 I thought I could save her. 443 00:24:31,858 --> 00:24:35,862 If someone jumps into shark-infested waters... 444 00:24:35,945 --> 00:24:37,947 you can't jump in after them. 445 00:24:54,381 --> 00:24:55,465 Cafeteria. 446 00:24:55,549 --> 00:24:58,260 I know. I told them that she's doing fine, 447 00:24:58,343 --> 00:25:00,929 that she's sitting under... She's sitting under a tree somewhere, 448 00:25:01,012 --> 00:25:03,348 eating a Pink Lady apple. Oh! Oh. 449 00:25:03,432 --> 00:25:05,016 'Cause Vee loves Pink Lady apples. 450 00:25:05,100 --> 00:25:09,354 And she's thinking about me... just like I'm thinking about her. 451 00:25:11,065 --> 00:25:12,107 It's gonna work out. 452 00:25:12,774 --> 00:25:14,568 How much are you spending on meals? 453 00:25:14,651 --> 00:25:19,656 $1.79 per inmate per meal. $5.37 a day. 454 00:25:20,949 --> 00:25:25,287 We find that women eat less than men, so we're able to keep our food costs low. 455 00:25:25,370 --> 00:25:27,914 The national average is $1.58. 456 00:25:27,997 --> 00:25:32,669 We've heard some discouraging things about housing a female population. 457 00:25:32,752 --> 00:25:37,216 Do you find it's more difficult because of their health requirements? 458 00:25:39,843 --> 00:25:43,972 You know, the great thing is, the ladies here are all synced up. 459 00:25:44,055 --> 00:25:46,558 So... it's a real rough couple of days, 460 00:25:46,641 --> 00:25:49,478 but at least it's not spread out, you know? 461 00:25:49,561 --> 00:25:51,730 I grew up with three sisters and a mother in the house, 462 00:25:51,813 --> 00:25:54,608 so, we had to batten down the hatches. 463 00:25:54,691 --> 00:25:56,193 Lucky I made it out of there alive. 464 00:25:59,571 --> 00:26:00,947 Let's move on to the kitchen. 465 00:26:03,032 --> 00:26:06,786 Inmate Mendoza, glad you can join us. What's on the menu today? 466 00:26:07,662 --> 00:26:08,913 Food. 467 00:26:08,997 --> 00:26:11,625 It's a Cuban garbanzo bean stew-type thingy. 468 00:26:11,708 --> 00:26:14,669 We got a whole case of it last week, and Gloria, 469 00:26:14,753 --> 00:26:18,673 she figured out a way how to stretch them after we picked out all the rotten ones. 470 00:26:21,218 --> 00:26:25,054 We find that our inmates are one of our best assets. 471 00:26:25,139 --> 00:26:26,431 They are very resourceful, 472 00:26:26,515 --> 00:26:29,684 and we rely on them to help us get through the day. 473 00:26:29,768 --> 00:26:32,729 Yeah, like this one time, everyone got the shits real bad 474 00:26:32,812 --> 00:26:34,189 from eating old pork or whatever, 475 00:26:34,273 --> 00:26:36,358 so we served white bread for the next couple of days. 476 00:26:36,441 --> 00:26:39,486 It was real good for the tummy. It sopped up all the badness. 477 00:26:39,569 --> 00:26:43,865 Hey, Joe, are you guys on the codified national meal schedule? 478 00:26:43,948 --> 00:26:47,369 You know, I'm... I'm not sure about... 479 00:26:48,537 --> 00:26:50,955 - I'm gonna look into that, Danny. - Great, take your time. 480 00:26:51,039 --> 00:26:54,584 Yeah, let's keep moving, huh? Right this way. 481 00:26:57,212 --> 00:26:59,589 When are you two gonna learn how to shut up? 482 00:26:59,673 --> 00:27:02,759 You're like Lucy and Ethel without the charm. 483 00:27:02,842 --> 00:27:05,470 - We was just trying to help. - You wanna help? 484 00:27:05,554 --> 00:27:08,807 Start by shutting up and doing what I ask you to do. 485 00:27:08,890 --> 00:27:11,601 Stop gabbing while you're serving. 486 00:27:11,685 --> 00:27:16,022 Stop thinking that anyone needs you to do more than your job. 487 00:27:16,105 --> 00:27:17,482 Jeez. 488 00:27:19,234 --> 00:27:20,777 - You got your period? - Yes. 489 00:27:20,860 --> 00:27:21,903 Me, too. 490 00:27:21,986 --> 00:27:24,406 Oh. It all makes sense now. 491 00:27:25,657 --> 00:27:26,817 If you follow the power cord, 492 00:27:26,866 --> 00:27:28,076 - it'll lead you... - I know. 493 00:27:28,159 --> 00:27:30,454 I'm just saying, it'll lead you to the fuse. 494 00:27:30,537 --> 00:27:32,289 I don't need your help... 495 00:27:32,372 --> 00:27:35,792 you disgusting little vole. 496 00:27:36,626 --> 00:27:39,504 Don't you talk to me. Don't you look at me. 497 00:27:39,588 --> 00:27:43,174 And go ahead... give me a shot for being insubordinate. 498 00:27:43,258 --> 00:27:44,718 I don't give a fuck. 499 00:27:48,222 --> 00:27:51,391 Am I at least allowed to ask what a vole is? 500 00:27:51,475 --> 00:27:52,642 Right this way. 501 00:27:54,603 --> 00:27:56,480 Chapman, how are we doing today? 502 00:27:57,146 --> 00:28:00,149 We are doing so great, Mr. Caputo. 503 00:28:00,234 --> 00:28:02,151 Would you mind explaining 504 00:28:02,236 --> 00:28:04,613 what it is you're doing today, for our guests? 505 00:28:04,696 --> 00:28:06,072 Absolutely. 506 00:28:06,155 --> 00:28:10,159 The microwave... it stopped working yesterday, 507 00:28:10,244 --> 00:28:12,787 so I'm trying to fix it. 508 00:28:14,623 --> 00:28:16,291 By assigning our inmates work duty, 509 00:28:16,375 --> 00:28:20,545 we avoid the exorbitant cost of hiring outside contractors. 510 00:28:20,629 --> 00:28:22,756 Everybody contributes to the community. 511 00:28:22,839 --> 00:28:25,174 Well, not everyone. 512 00:28:25,259 --> 00:28:27,802 Some people try to... destroy it. 513 00:28:28,762 --> 00:28:30,597 What seems to be the problem there? 514 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:34,100 The... thermal fuse blew. 515 00:28:34,851 --> 00:28:36,603 And you can fix that by yourself, honey? 516 00:28:38,397 --> 00:28:40,482 Well, I sure can... 517 00:28:40,565 --> 00:28:43,943 if I concentrate extra hard with my lady brain. 518 00:28:45,362 --> 00:28:46,446 Thank you, Chapman. 519 00:28:47,489 --> 00:28:48,948 Right this way. 520 00:28:52,827 --> 00:28:57,249 We're gonna make you look real natural. Don't worry. 521 00:28:58,458 --> 00:28:59,501 Mmm. 522 00:28:59,584 --> 00:29:04,088 Go ahead and call me Jesus from now on, 'cause this bitch just worked a miracle. 523 00:29:04,172 --> 00:29:05,840 It really is something. 524 00:29:05,924 --> 00:29:07,467 Yeah, it's definitely something. 525 00:29:07,551 --> 00:29:11,220 Man, I cannot wait to fleece this motherfucker. 526 00:29:11,305 --> 00:29:13,765 I'm actually, like, all tingly and shit. 527 00:29:13,848 --> 00:29:17,686 Okay. All finished. 528 00:29:17,769 --> 00:29:20,355 - Show me my big, beautiful self! - Okay, almost there. 529 00:29:20,439 --> 00:29:21,981 - Just hold on, all right? - All right. 530 00:29:22,065 --> 00:29:25,610 - There... we... go. - Uh-huh. 531 00:29:25,694 --> 00:29:27,321 Oh, I love this part! 532 00:29:27,404 --> 00:29:29,197 This is like that TV show 533 00:29:29,281 --> 00:29:32,867 where they gave those ladies the plastic surgery makeover 534 00:29:32,951 --> 00:29:36,079 and then all their problems just went away after. 535 00:29:36,913 --> 00:29:38,748 Okay, here we go. 536 00:29:40,375 --> 00:29:42,919 - Oh, my God! - I'm sorry, I can't help it. 537 00:29:43,002 --> 00:29:45,964 I just love makeovers and you look so pretty. 538 00:29:46,047 --> 00:29:48,633 Boo, you look fucking weird. 539 00:29:49,676 --> 00:29:50,719 What? She does. 540 00:29:51,845 --> 00:29:53,054 No, um... 541 00:29:56,224 --> 00:29:58,059 I look like my mother. 542 00:30:04,273 --> 00:30:07,569 Carrie! Oh! Oh, God! 543 00:30:14,743 --> 00:30:15,744 Oh, my God! 544 00:30:23,042 --> 00:30:25,962 Fuck, I love you. 545 00:30:26,838 --> 00:30:28,673 Says the girl who just came. 546 00:30:29,633 --> 00:30:32,969 I don't see why that's not a perfectly valid reason to love someone. 547 00:30:33,052 --> 00:30:34,346 Well... 548 00:30:37,181 --> 00:30:38,933 And do you know why I love you? 549 00:30:39,893 --> 00:30:42,562 - Because I have great tits? - Exactly. 550 00:30:47,108 --> 00:30:49,819 Jesus, don't get me going again, girl. 551 00:30:57,243 --> 00:30:58,870 Can I ask you something? 552 00:31:00,079 --> 00:31:01,915 Not if it's about my mother. 553 00:31:01,998 --> 00:31:03,667 Carrie, come on. 554 00:31:05,752 --> 00:31:07,003 Talk to me. 555 00:31:12,384 --> 00:31:15,679 Remember when we were fucking? Gee, that was fun. 556 00:31:17,389 --> 00:31:20,642 Your mom is sick and you're not gonna go see her? That's not normal. 557 00:31:20,725 --> 00:31:23,269 You're right, I'm not normal. I'm queer. 558 00:31:23,352 --> 00:31:27,023 Wait, did you not know we were lesbos? 559 00:31:27,106 --> 00:31:28,400 My bad, I should have told you. 560 00:31:28,483 --> 00:31:29,901 You must have been very confused. 561 00:31:30,819 --> 00:31:32,946 Look, I don't get why you're holding on to this. 562 00:31:33,655 --> 00:31:36,365 Look at you, you're living your life, you have me. 563 00:31:36,450 --> 00:31:38,743 You don't have to keep fighting the world. 564 00:31:39,994 --> 00:31:41,913 I mean, isn't forgiving her easier than not? 565 00:31:41,996 --> 00:31:44,332 Oh, Christ. I don't fucking know. 566 00:31:47,085 --> 00:31:50,630 Look, I'm worried if you don't go see her, you're gonna regret it. 567 00:31:54,300 --> 00:31:58,179 Those little baskets of seashells everywhere really freak me out. 568 00:31:58,262 --> 00:32:00,223 - It's weird living back home. - Right. 569 00:32:00,306 --> 00:32:03,309 They said it was going to be two weeks, and yet it's been six. 570 00:32:03,392 --> 00:32:06,771 The sustainable wood for the micro-house is on backorder. 571 00:32:06,855 --> 00:32:08,064 Isn't that amazing? 572 00:32:08,147 --> 00:32:12,026 Who would have thought that wood could be on backorder? 573 00:32:12,819 --> 00:32:14,988 Are they waiting for the trees to grow? 574 00:32:15,071 --> 00:32:17,949 Are you waiting for the oceans to rise and reclaim their bounty? 575 00:32:18,032 --> 00:32:19,618 Oh. 576 00:32:19,701 --> 00:32:21,786 Isn't this fun? 577 00:32:21,870 --> 00:32:23,162 What's with your new look? 578 00:32:23,246 --> 00:32:26,500 Did you join a World War II reenactment group? 579 00:32:26,583 --> 00:32:27,834 Well, that's dark. 580 00:32:27,917 --> 00:32:30,211 Cal's gotten into the postmodern ice-cream movement. 581 00:32:30,294 --> 00:32:32,421 Been doing some really interesting experiments with nitrogen. 582 00:32:32,506 --> 00:32:35,509 I'm working on a BLT flavor at this moment. 583 00:32:35,592 --> 00:32:37,093 And, when we get enough money, 584 00:32:37,176 --> 00:32:39,471 we're gonna open an old-fashioned ice cream parlor 585 00:32:39,554 --> 00:32:43,558 but with future-now flavors for an experiential mash-up. 586 00:32:43,642 --> 00:32:45,059 So I decided to, you know, 587 00:32:45,143 --> 00:32:47,270 - perfect my look, now. - Mmm-hmm. 588 00:32:47,353 --> 00:32:50,899 I'm bidding online for a wearable bass drum as we speak. 589 00:32:50,982 --> 00:32:52,651 It's all happening. 590 00:32:53,902 --> 00:32:55,111 Enough about us. 591 00:32:55,194 --> 00:32:56,780 How's your birthday, darling? 592 00:32:56,863 --> 00:32:59,866 Did you get any presents from your prison friends? 593 00:32:59,949 --> 00:33:04,245 I haven't told anyone it's my birthday, so, nope, no presents. 594 00:33:07,248 --> 00:33:09,375 Are you not gonna say anything? 595 00:33:10,877 --> 00:33:12,587 I don't have anything to say. 596 00:33:14,047 --> 00:33:15,632 Then why did you come? 597 00:33:19,052 --> 00:33:21,137 Because it's your birthday, Piper. 598 00:33:22,806 --> 00:33:24,348 Have I ever missed your birthday? 599 00:33:28,436 --> 00:33:31,230 I'm sorry, I can't just sit here and make small talk. 600 00:33:31,314 --> 00:33:35,735 You don't have to, I'm not size-ist. You can talk big, you could talk medium? 601 00:33:35,819 --> 00:33:37,361 You're 32. 602 00:33:38,321 --> 00:33:41,616 You're getting further and further behind in life. 603 00:33:43,159 --> 00:33:45,870 I'm frustrated that we can't seem to help you. 604 00:33:48,372 --> 00:33:52,210 Maybe this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now. 605 00:33:53,419 --> 00:33:58,592 Maybe this... right now, is making me a better person. 606 00:34:00,093 --> 00:34:03,722 I'm learning... more Spanish... 607 00:34:04,973 --> 00:34:06,432 and I can fix things. 608 00:34:08,267 --> 00:34:12,689 I'm a part of a community... and I have a girlfriend. 609 00:34:15,859 --> 00:34:18,194 I have a girlfriend that I love. 610 00:34:21,405 --> 00:34:22,490 So, there. 611 00:34:23,282 --> 00:34:25,034 Saw that coming. 612 00:34:25,118 --> 00:34:27,662 So, does that mean you're officially... 613 00:34:27,746 --> 00:34:31,374 It means that I officially... have a girlfriend. 614 00:34:34,377 --> 00:34:35,503 Dear God. 615 00:34:36,254 --> 00:34:39,215 You know, I find myself saying that phrase, too, a lot. 616 00:34:39,298 --> 00:34:41,259 But with a different inflection and... 617 00:34:42,844 --> 00:34:43,970 breathier. 618 00:34:44,053 --> 00:34:47,682 Dear... God! 619 00:34:49,726 --> 00:34:51,603 Whoa! 620 00:34:57,025 --> 00:34:58,610 Happy birthday! 621 00:35:05,909 --> 00:35:07,118 Hi, there. 622 00:35:09,746 --> 00:35:11,748 Need something? 623 00:35:11,831 --> 00:35:15,584 Well, I'm sorry to bother you. I just... I wanted you to have these. 624 00:35:15,669 --> 00:35:18,421 I thought they might brighten your day. 625 00:35:18,504 --> 00:35:19,756 Rose seeds? 626 00:35:20,965 --> 00:35:24,093 Oh, is that what they are? I don't have a green thumb, so... 627 00:35:24,177 --> 00:35:26,595 It says "rose" right there on the package. 628 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:30,141 I was in a hurry after lunch, so... 629 00:35:32,143 --> 00:35:34,145 They'll be a lovely addition to the garden. 630 00:35:34,228 --> 00:35:35,354 Thank you. 631 00:35:36,189 --> 00:35:37,816 You're welcome. 632 00:35:51,788 --> 00:35:54,791 How you gonna love a song that just, like, lists the days of the week? 633 00:35:54,874 --> 00:35:56,751 Like it's Sesame Street or some shit? 634 00:35:56,835 --> 00:35:58,837 That's only one teeny part. 635 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,089 The rest is all, "Tonight's gonna be a good night." 636 00:36:01,172 --> 00:36:04,342 It makes me feel optimistic about the evening we gonna have and shit. 637 00:36:04,425 --> 00:36:05,677 You know we in prison though, right? 638 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,762 Whatever, man, they all sellouts anyway. 639 00:36:07,846 --> 00:36:09,723 Man... 640 00:36:09,806 --> 00:36:12,016 Hello? One second, please. 641 00:36:12,100 --> 00:36:15,103 Poussey Washington, it's the Black Eyed Peas calling for you. 642 00:36:15,186 --> 00:36:17,313 They wanna give you all the moneys. 643 00:36:17,396 --> 00:36:20,900 All you got to do is sing the days of the week and be famous. 644 00:36:20,984 --> 00:36:22,902 - All the moneys? - All the moneys! 645 00:36:22,986 --> 00:36:24,195 Um... 646 00:36:24,278 --> 00:36:25,571 - No. - Ooh. 647 00:36:25,654 --> 00:36:28,366 Man, you're bullshitting! You're bullshitting. 648 00:36:28,449 --> 00:36:30,744 If that's the case, I could be a famous rapper. 649 00:36:30,827 --> 00:36:32,536 You know what I'm saying, like... 650 00:36:32,620 --> 00:36:34,956 - ♪ January, February, March ♪ - ♪ Oh, what you got? ♪ 651 00:36:35,039 --> 00:36:37,041 ♪ April, May and June July, August, September ♪ 652 00:36:37,125 --> 00:36:39,711 Shit, yo! I'm gonna turn this shit up. 653 00:36:39,794 --> 00:36:41,755 We all know what it's like to move. 654 00:36:41,838 --> 00:36:43,718 - All the boxes, the schlepping... - Yo! 655 00:36:43,757 --> 00:36:45,174 Hey, who the fuck is that? 656 00:36:45,258 --> 00:36:48,177 - Yo, it's Judy King, man! - The chef lady. 657 00:36:48,261 --> 00:36:50,304 Yo, she ain't just a chef, man. 658 00:36:50,388 --> 00:36:52,724 She's an entertainment and lifestyle specialist. 659 00:36:52,807 --> 00:36:54,142 Yo, she cooks the food, 660 00:36:54,225 --> 00:36:56,728 and then she shows you how to present it, right? 661 00:36:56,811 --> 00:36:59,230 Putting little sprigs of rosemary on the plate, 662 00:36:59,313 --> 00:37:02,066 putting it on a bed of moss and shit. 663 00:37:02,150 --> 00:37:03,735 Presentation is everything. 664 00:37:03,818 --> 00:37:05,361 Did you just say "sprig"? 665 00:37:05,444 --> 00:37:09,157 Raspberry buttermilk pie. It's my way of saying... 666 00:37:12,201 --> 00:37:13,327 I've seen this one before. 667 00:37:13,411 --> 00:37:15,997 That raspberry buttermilk pie turns out real nice. 668 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:19,500 Even when white folks try to be exciting, they still boring. 669 00:37:19,583 --> 00:37:21,544 Yeah, I was asleep. 670 00:37:23,129 --> 00:37:25,131 Yo, what the fuck? Look. 671 00:37:28,551 --> 00:37:30,386 Man, that girl is gonna be the death of me. 672 00:37:30,469 --> 00:37:32,263 Let her ass go to the SHU. 673 00:37:33,722 --> 00:37:35,183 Right this way. 674 00:37:37,143 --> 00:37:38,686 Sure, yeah. 675 00:37:40,146 --> 00:37:41,522 This is our TV room. 676 00:37:41,605 --> 00:37:42,899 Go, go. You gotta go. 677 00:37:47,111 --> 00:37:48,196 Ow. Ow. 678 00:37:48,279 --> 00:37:51,282 White people... and other. 679 00:37:53,492 --> 00:37:57,371 And we'll be going... uh, this way. 680 00:37:57,455 --> 00:37:58,915 Right this way. 681 00:38:02,168 --> 00:38:05,754 Hey, hands up over your head. 682 00:38:13,679 --> 00:38:16,182 Vee came to me. 683 00:38:16,265 --> 00:38:19,477 And she told me to follow her... 684 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,480 but my feet weren't... fast enough. 685 00:38:22,563 --> 00:38:23,606 Okay. 686 00:38:23,689 --> 00:38:27,485 And I missed her, Taystee. I missed her. 687 00:38:27,568 --> 00:38:30,654 Suzanne... you have to listen to me. 688 00:38:36,535 --> 00:38:39,956 - Vee wasn't here. - Yes, she... 689 00:38:40,039 --> 00:38:41,249 Vee's dead. 690 00:38:41,332 --> 00:38:43,459 - No, she's not! - Yes, she is! 691 00:38:43,542 --> 00:38:46,129 - She is not! No, she's not! - Vee is dead, Suzanne! 692 00:38:46,212 --> 00:38:50,299 Vee is dead! Vee is dead! Vee is dead! 693 00:39:11,154 --> 00:39:12,530 She's gone. 694 00:39:16,700 --> 00:39:20,038 Yes... she's gone. 695 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,210 I am so sorry. 696 00:39:29,463 --> 00:39:31,132 Me, too. 697 00:40:07,876 --> 00:40:11,380 - Need a little help, there? - Nope, I've got it. Thank you. 698 00:40:17,803 --> 00:40:19,180 I called you my girlfriend. 699 00:40:19,263 --> 00:40:21,975 What? To who? 700 00:40:22,058 --> 00:40:24,602 To my parents... 701 00:40:24,685 --> 00:40:27,646 and my... brother and my brother's wife. 702 00:40:31,192 --> 00:40:34,028 - That's a bold move, Chapman. - I know. 703 00:40:34,112 --> 00:40:36,739 I didn't even mean to say it. It just... 704 00:40:38,032 --> 00:40:41,202 It just came out. And now... 705 00:40:42,411 --> 00:40:43,851 Now, I can't stop thinking about it. 706 00:40:43,871 --> 00:40:46,540 Do you want to pass me a note and have me circle yes or no? 707 00:40:46,624 --> 00:40:49,002 I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend. 708 00:40:49,085 --> 00:40:50,544 - Oh, no? - No. 709 00:40:50,628 --> 00:40:55,299 Definitely not. I just thought... I thought that it was weird. 710 00:40:56,300 --> 00:40:57,676 It's totally weird. 711 00:41:01,014 --> 00:41:04,933 You know, the Quran is turning out to be more interesting than I would've guessed. 712 00:41:05,018 --> 00:41:07,061 Technically, I'm not supposed to be touching it, 713 00:41:07,145 --> 00:41:08,687 but I did wash my hands. 714 00:41:08,771 --> 00:41:10,814 So, I decided that Allah would be cool with it. 715 00:41:10,898 --> 00:41:12,316 Will you be my girlfriend? 716 00:41:15,278 --> 00:41:16,779 - Yeah. - Yes? 717 00:41:16,862 --> 00:41:19,198 Yes, you idiot. 718 00:41:19,282 --> 00:41:20,366 She said "yes." 719 00:41:21,367 --> 00:41:23,494 - Good for you, hon. - Mazel tov! 720 00:41:34,422 --> 00:41:35,589 I have something for you. 721 00:41:36,465 --> 00:41:38,759 - It's a non-birthday gift. - Okay. 722 00:41:45,724 --> 00:41:46,725 Here. 723 00:41:47,435 --> 00:41:50,979 What is this? Is this... a list of songs? 724 00:41:51,064 --> 00:41:53,649 Well, I couldn't make you a mix, so... 725 00:41:53,732 --> 00:41:56,235 I wrote down the songs I would've put on the mix 726 00:41:56,319 --> 00:41:59,238 if we were, like... normal people 727 00:42:00,073 --> 00:42:03,451 and not weird prison girlfriends. 728 00:42:05,286 --> 00:42:06,995 Um... 729 00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:10,583 Okay, Only You, Yaz. 730 00:42:10,666 --> 00:42:13,669 You Wouldn't Like Me, Tegan and Sara. 731 00:42:13,752 --> 00:42:16,755 - The Pussy is Mine, Miguel. - Miguel. 732 00:42:16,839 --> 00:42:19,383 This is so nice, and so gay. 733 00:42:19,467 --> 00:42:22,345 - I know. - Thank you. 734 00:42:32,188 --> 00:42:33,981 Mr. Caputo, I need to speak to you. 735 00:42:34,065 --> 00:42:37,693 Uh, I'm sure it's something your counselor would be happy to assist you with, inmate. 736 00:42:37,776 --> 00:42:39,653 It's about one of your guards. 737 00:42:40,696 --> 00:42:42,948 As you can see, I am very busy at the moment. 738 00:42:43,031 --> 00:42:45,951 So, I will make every effort to try and find you tomorrow. 739 00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:48,371 It's about CO Bennett. 740 00:42:49,455 --> 00:42:52,458 Excuse me. 741 00:42:52,541 --> 00:42:53,542 Please. 742 00:42:55,336 --> 00:42:57,045 What the hell do you want? 743 00:42:57,130 --> 00:43:01,008 He hasn't been here for two weeks. I haven't heard nothing from him. 744 00:43:01,092 --> 00:43:03,136 Please, Mr. Caputo, you gotta know where he is. 745 00:43:03,219 --> 00:43:04,428 You gotta know something. 746 00:43:04,512 --> 00:43:06,389 I am gonna give you the benefit of the doubt 747 00:43:06,472 --> 00:43:10,017 and assume that you are not a complete moron, 748 00:43:10,101 --> 00:43:13,312 despite that stupid, stupid power move you just tried to pull. 749 00:43:13,396 --> 00:43:16,607 Which means you can make the same assumption I've made about Bennett, 750 00:43:16,690 --> 00:43:17,858 he is gone. 751 00:43:17,941 --> 00:43:19,860 - No. - And he is not coming back. 752 00:43:19,943 --> 00:43:24,532 Unfortunately for you, inmate, not everyone around here is locked up. 753 00:43:25,699 --> 00:43:26,950 Mr. Caputo... 754 00:43:28,661 --> 00:43:32,248 I hate to be presumptive, but was that inmate pregnant? 755 00:43:32,331 --> 00:43:35,209 This is a good example of our concerns. 756 00:43:35,293 --> 00:43:38,421 The costs associated with a birth while the inmate is in our care. 757 00:43:38,504 --> 00:43:40,506 And they're prohibitive, to say the least. 758 00:43:40,589 --> 00:43:43,176 Great thing about men, they don't have uterus’s. 759 00:43:44,593 --> 00:43:46,637 She's not pregnant. 760 00:43:46,720 --> 00:43:49,348 And quite frankly, you should never assume that about a woman. 761 00:43:49,432 --> 00:43:51,809 Phew! I've learned that one the hard way. 762 00:43:53,769 --> 00:43:57,356 Well, a big hetero hello to all of you. 763 00:43:59,192 --> 00:44:02,361 You buying this? Anybody? Yes? No? 764 00:44:02,445 --> 00:44:03,946 Thank you. 765 00:44:07,991 --> 00:44:11,329 Code blue in room 23. Code blue, room 23. 766 00:44:15,249 --> 00:44:17,042 Carrie. 767 00:44:17,751 --> 00:44:19,587 Hey, Pop. 768 00:44:21,589 --> 00:44:23,341 Hi. 769 00:44:25,218 --> 00:44:26,802 You okay? 770 00:44:26,885 --> 00:44:30,306 - Of course, not. - That was stupid, huh? 771 00:44:31,390 --> 00:44:35,394 I can't believe you're here. It's been so many years, Carrie. 772 00:44:35,478 --> 00:44:39,315 Well, you know... she's my mother. 773 00:44:40,649 --> 00:44:42,067 I'm here now. 774 00:44:43,486 --> 00:44:45,863 You won't even recognize her, she's so frail. 775 00:44:47,155 --> 00:44:48,991 I can handle it, Pop. 776 00:44:49,617 --> 00:44:51,410 I... I don't think she can. 777 00:44:55,914 --> 00:44:59,293 What, you mean the... sight of her dyke daughter 778 00:44:59,377 --> 00:45:00,753 is going to make her worse? 779 00:45:00,836 --> 00:45:02,546 Carrie... 780 00:45:02,630 --> 00:45:06,008 would it kill you to put on some other clothes before you see her? 781 00:45:06,091 --> 00:45:08,844 Well, these are my good Chucks, Pop. 782 00:45:08,927 --> 00:45:10,304 You know what I mean. 783 00:45:12,931 --> 00:45:14,141 Gosh... 784 00:45:15,976 --> 00:45:17,895 I'm so fucking tired. 785 00:45:22,065 --> 00:45:25,110 I have been her daughter for 42 years. 786 00:45:25,193 --> 00:45:26,779 Now... 787 00:45:26,862 --> 00:45:30,324 don't you think she could have taken some of that time to... 788 00:45:30,408 --> 00:45:35,454 work on accepting me for who I am, rather than mourning... 789 00:45:35,538 --> 00:45:40,334 every... fucking... thing... that I am not? 790 00:45:40,418 --> 00:45:44,254 I understand that whatever this is, is important to you, 791 00:45:44,338 --> 00:45:46,131 but it's a costume, that's all. 792 00:45:46,214 --> 00:45:50,052 The rest of us, we get up, put on a suit and a tie, we go to work. 793 00:45:50,135 --> 00:45:53,514 You think that's how I wanted to dress five days a week? No, of course not. 794 00:45:53,597 --> 00:45:57,267 But no one gets the privilege of being themselves all the time, Carrie. 795 00:45:57,351 --> 00:45:58,727 No one. 796 00:46:00,103 --> 00:46:03,649 Now, if you want to go in there and upset her, I'm not gonna stop you. 797 00:46:03,732 --> 00:46:08,028 But you need to decide whether your costume is worth what it's costing you. 798 00:46:10,573 --> 00:46:11,740 I... 799 00:46:13,075 --> 00:46:16,537 have had to fight for this... 800 00:46:19,289 --> 00:46:20,458 all my life, Dad. 801 00:46:21,249 --> 00:46:22,668 All my life. 802 00:46:23,627 --> 00:46:28,256 Strangers, girlfriends, fuck, even my own parents... 803 00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:34,805 all asking me to be something... that I am not. 804 00:46:34,888 --> 00:46:40,310 Do you have any idea what that feels like? 805 00:46:40,394 --> 00:46:44,982 Like, your whole fucking existence is being denied, like... 806 00:46:45,065 --> 00:46:48,944 "Whoa, you'd be better off if you were invisible"? Yeah. 807 00:46:53,907 --> 00:46:57,578 I refuse to be invisible, Daddy. 808 00:46:59,538 --> 00:47:01,999 Not for you, not for Mom... 809 00:47:04,126 --> 00:47:05,628 not for anybody. 810 00:47:13,386 --> 00:47:14,678 So, um... 811 00:47:17,014 --> 00:47:18,599 I'm sorry. 812 00:47:48,211 --> 00:47:51,089 Hi, there. You must be the Reverend Lawlor. 813 00:47:51,173 --> 00:47:52,174 Carrie, it's a pleasure. 814 00:47:52,257 --> 00:47:54,097 I've heard such impressive things from Tiffany. 815 00:47:54,176 --> 00:47:55,343 - Please. - Oh, thank you. 816 00:47:55,428 --> 00:47:59,473 Well, she's told me really great things about your holy work, sir. 817 00:47:59,557 --> 00:48:02,267 So, it sounds like you've been on quite a journey. 818 00:48:02,350 --> 00:48:05,062 Using your time here to get back on the right path? 819 00:48:05,145 --> 00:48:07,523 It's a testament to the power of prison rehabilitation. 820 00:48:07,606 --> 00:48:09,900 Oh, absolutely, yes. 821 00:48:09,983 --> 00:48:13,904 You know, there's... so much time here to think... 822 00:48:14,905 --> 00:48:19,660 reflect on life... regrets... on sin. 823 00:48:19,743 --> 00:48:21,411 Yeah. Tell me more about that. 824 00:48:22,955 --> 00:48:25,290 Forgive me, I just... 825 00:48:25,373 --> 00:48:28,001 I get so emotional when I have to talk about this. 826 00:48:30,087 --> 00:48:32,214 You know, like the Bible says... 827 00:48:32,297 --> 00:48:37,302 "If man also lie with mankind the way he lieth with woman... " 828 00:48:37,385 --> 00:48:39,930 "both have committed an abomination." 829 00:48:40,013 --> 00:48:42,725 - Amen. Exactly. - You're not alone. 830 00:48:42,808 --> 00:48:45,561 I've talked to so many people like yourself. 831 00:48:45,644 --> 00:48:47,437 Faggots who have committed disgusting acts 832 00:48:47,521 --> 00:48:50,483 before admitting that they'd fallen prey to this illness. 833 00:48:50,566 --> 00:48:52,943 I hope you don't mind my asking... 834 00:48:53,026 --> 00:48:54,778 what was it that turned you to the light? 835 00:48:54,862 --> 00:48:58,991 Well, I just, I prayed. A lot. 836 00:48:59,074 --> 00:49:00,993 And then Jesus came in me... 837 00:49:02,495 --> 00:49:06,624 To me, sorry. Jesus came to me... with so much love. 838 00:49:06,707 --> 00:49:08,458 - Praise the Lord. - Mmm-hmm. 839 00:49:09,668 --> 00:49:12,379 Reverend, Tiffany said that... 840 00:49:12,462 --> 00:49:15,716 you might be able to take up a collection 841 00:49:15,799 --> 00:49:17,926 to help support me 842 00:49:18,010 --> 00:49:21,847 as I continue my walk on the path of decency. 843 00:49:22,556 --> 00:49:26,393 Stories like yours really resonate with the congregation. 844 00:49:26,476 --> 00:49:29,772 The narrative of the reformed sinner spreading the gospel. 845 00:49:29,855 --> 00:49:33,942 And let me tell you, your story, a tale of wickedness and depravity, 846 00:49:34,026 --> 00:49:35,443 a thieving dyke. 847 00:49:35,528 --> 00:49:38,822 Well, that should make for a compelling inspirational pamphlet. 848 00:49:40,073 --> 00:49:43,118 Of course, we'll need to cover that tattoo of yours for the photo. 849 00:49:50,083 --> 00:49:52,085 - Reverend Lawlor? - Are you all right? 850 00:49:52,169 --> 00:49:56,882 Yes, I'm... just trying to remember the passage. 851 00:49:56,965 --> 00:50:01,011 Oh, yes... it's Corinthians 69. 852 00:50:01,094 --> 00:50:02,805 I think it goes... 853 00:50:02,888 --> 00:50:06,516 "Suck my big fat dyke dick, 854 00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:10,979 you fucking hateful piece of shit!" 855 00:50:11,063 --> 00:50:12,981 - Fuck you! What? - All right, settle down. 856 00:50:13,065 --> 00:50:14,149 - That's enough. - I'm good. 857 00:50:14,232 --> 00:50:17,235 Jesus was a fag. He said, "This is my body. Eat me." 858 00:50:18,278 --> 00:50:20,072 - Thank you so much for coming. - Thank you. 859 00:50:20,155 --> 00:50:21,489 I appreciate your time. 860 00:50:21,574 --> 00:50:23,116 - It was very informative. - Thank you. 861 00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,994 - All right, Joe, thanks. - Thank you. 862 00:50:26,078 --> 00:50:27,746 Drive safe. 863 00:50:27,830 --> 00:50:31,208 Watch yourself on Route 16, huh? Uh, speed trap. 864 00:50:37,339 --> 00:50:38,423 So? 865 00:50:40,217 --> 00:50:43,345 I'd polish up that resume if I were you, Ford. 866 00:51:04,908 --> 00:51:06,409 Can I have one of those? 867 00:51:07,953 --> 00:51:09,371 Get the fuck out of here. 868 00:51:11,665 --> 00:51:13,541 What the hell is wrong with all of you? 869 00:51:14,918 --> 00:51:17,921 I swear to God, you were my kid... 870 00:51:22,550 --> 00:51:25,345 If you were my kid, you'd still be fucked up. 871 00:51:27,806 --> 00:51:28,974 Please. 872 00:51:30,433 --> 00:51:31,601 I need something. 873 00:51:32,936 --> 00:51:33,937 You okay? 874 00:51:44,364 --> 00:51:45,365 He's gone. 875 00:51:47,743 --> 00:51:48,911 I know. 876 00:51:52,580 --> 00:51:55,918 Fucking piece of shit. Like all of them. 877 00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:58,253 Yep. 878 00:52:00,881 --> 00:52:03,591 Can't believe he just left us. 879 00:52:17,355 --> 00:52:19,649 It's not the worst thing that'll happen to that kid. 880 00:52:38,585 --> 00:52:40,378 I'm glad you're back. 881 00:52:40,462 --> 00:52:41,964 Seeing you like that was scarier 882 00:52:42,047 --> 00:52:46,009 than seein' that dolphin penis at SeaWorld. 883 00:52:46,093 --> 00:52:48,971 Around all that water, it looked out of place, you know. 884 00:52:49,054 --> 00:52:51,098 Some ladies just ain't meant to look lady-like. 885 00:52:51,181 --> 00:52:54,142 Now, my mother would disagree. 886 00:52:54,226 --> 00:52:56,854 She'd say, "Don't be a salmon." 887 00:52:57,813 --> 00:52:58,939 Is that a vagina thing? 888 00:52:59,022 --> 00:53:02,609 No. Salmon, they swim upstream... against the current. 889 00:53:02,692 --> 00:53:03,693 Oh. 890 00:53:08,406 --> 00:53:10,617 Wish I'd said goodbye to her. 891 00:53:11,869 --> 00:53:15,413 - But I was dumb. - Mmm-mmm. Today, you were brave. 892 00:53:15,497 --> 00:53:16,539 Ha! 893 00:53:16,623 --> 00:53:18,416 Horseshit. 894 00:53:18,500 --> 00:53:20,878 I got six weeks extra work duty. 895 00:53:20,961 --> 00:53:23,839 Yeah, but you stood up for yourself, and that's more than I can say. 896 00:53:23,922 --> 00:53:26,925 No, I just showed them who I really am. 897 00:53:27,009 --> 00:53:30,888 A big, stupid, stubborn... pussy-loving dyke. 898 00:53:30,971 --> 00:53:35,350 Hey, well, listen, if that's who you are, then that's who you are. 899 00:53:35,433 --> 00:53:37,019 And there's no use in fightin' it, 900 00:53:37,102 --> 00:53:40,480 and if you ain't gonna fight it, you might as well embrace it, 901 00:53:40,563 --> 00:53:42,399 or else you're living in purgatory. 902 00:53:44,692 --> 00:53:46,028 Fuck yeah. 903 00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:50,824 Here's to heaven or hell and nothing in between. 904 00:53:50,908 --> 00:53:51,950 - Boom! - Boom. 905 00:53:52,868 --> 00:53:55,620 Probably hell, though. I mean, who the fuck am I kidding? 906 00:53:56,789 --> 00:53:57,956 Oh. 907 00:54:00,333 --> 00:54:01,418 You need to start brushing. 908 00:54:01,501 --> 00:54:03,086 No, trust me on this. 909 00:54:03,170 --> 00:54:04,797 Seriously, take it. 910 00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:05,964 Thank you. 911 00:54:06,048 --> 00:54:08,884 - Really? - Yeah, really. 912 00:54:08,967 --> 00:54:11,386 All right, I'll give it a go, but I'm telling you, 913 00:54:11,469 --> 00:54:12,679 it's just a waste of my time. 914 00:54:12,762 --> 00:54:15,640 Oh, there is no wiser schmuck than you, my friend. 915 00:54:15,723 --> 00:54:18,435 - Yeah, no shit. Guess what? - Hmm? 916 00:54:18,518 --> 00:54:20,187 I'm still taking their money. 917 00:54:22,105 --> 00:54:23,941 I renounce thee, Satan. 918 00:54:24,024 --> 00:54:26,359 Oh, bring that in. Yes! 919 00:54:26,443 --> 00:54:27,485 Whoo! 920 00:54:28,361 --> 00:54:30,447 - Bunch of chumps. - Mmm. 921 00:54:30,530 --> 00:54:32,115 Tomorrow, we'll talk about flossing. 922 00:54:32,199 --> 00:54:33,325 - The string? - Yeah, with the string. 923 00:54:33,408 --> 00:54:35,202 - Fuck that. - No, it's important. 924 00:54:44,627 --> 00:54:47,923 - Joe Caputo. - Joe, Danny Pearson. 925 00:54:48,006 --> 00:54:50,717 Danny, of course. 926 00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:53,470 I hope you don't mind me calling this late. 927 00:54:53,553 --> 00:54:56,431 No, not at all. Did you make it home okay? 928 00:54:56,514 --> 00:54:59,392 I know that last turn at the end, that left, it's confusing. 929 00:54:59,476 --> 00:55:03,105 Yeah, I made it just fine. Um, look, I'll keep it short. 930 00:55:03,188 --> 00:55:05,482 MCC is gonna be taking over Litchfield, 931 00:55:05,565 --> 00:55:09,027 effective as soon as the paperwork goes through. 932 00:55:09,111 --> 00:55:11,363 Holy shit! 933 00:55:11,446 --> 00:55:13,698 I'm sorry. I just... 934 00:55:13,781 --> 00:55:16,826 I thought everything that could have gone wrong on that tour, did. 935 00:55:16,910 --> 00:55:18,871 Yeah, well, it was a real shit show. 936 00:55:18,954 --> 00:55:21,414 But we toured the maximum security facility 937 00:55:21,498 --> 00:55:22,958 before we came to visit you guys, 938 00:55:23,041 --> 00:55:25,002 and with the number of bodies down there, 939 00:55:25,085 --> 00:55:28,755 and the potential for the unused space, it was a no-brainer. 940 00:55:28,838 --> 00:55:29,839 Wow. 941 00:55:29,923 --> 00:55:32,968 This is gonna be such a relief for a lot of people around here, Danny. 942 00:55:33,051 --> 00:55:34,677 Thank your bosses for me. 943 00:55:34,761 --> 00:55:36,972 Oh, I'm glad. I gotta run right now, 944 00:55:37,055 --> 00:55:38,681 but I look forward to working with you, Joe. 945 00:55:38,765 --> 00:55:40,267 Likewise. 946 00:55:40,350 --> 00:55:43,937 Hey, Danny, thank you so much, huh? Take care. 947 00:55:59,286 --> 00:56:01,413 Whoo-Hoo! 948 00:56:02,622 --> 00:56:04,041 Whoo-Hoo! 949 00:56:42,829 --> 00:56:44,039 Huh? 950 00:56:44,122 --> 00:56:46,083 Oh, hell, no! 951 00:56:46,166 --> 00:56:47,417 Too far, too far. Okay. 952 00:56:48,668 --> 00:56:50,503 I hear you. 953 00:56:59,370 --> 00:57:00,595 Synced and corrected by ChrisKe 954 00:57:00,620 --> 00:57:00,752 :::::[GWC]::::: 955 00:57:00,753 --> 00:57:00,886 :::::[GWC]::::: 956 00:57:00,887 --> 00:57:01,019 :::::[GWC]::::: 957 00:57:01,020 --> 00:57:01,152 :::::[GWC]::::: 958 00:57:01,153 --> 00:57:01,286 :::::[GWC]::::: 959 00:57:01,287 --> 00:57:01,419 :::::[GWC]::::: 960 00:57:01,420 --> 00:57:01,552 :::::[GWC]::::: 961 00:57:01,553 --> 00:57:01,686 :::::[GWC]::::: 962 00:57:01,687 --> 00:57:01,819 :::::[GWC]::::: 963 00:57:01,820 --> 00:57:01,952 :::::[GWC]::::: 964 00:57:01,953 --> 00:57:02,086 :::::[GWC]::::: 965 00:57:02,087 --> 00:57:02,219 :::::[GWC]::::: 966 00:57:02,220 --> 00:57:02,352 :::::[GWC]::::: 967 00:57:02,353 --> 00:57:02,486 :::::[GWC]::::: 968 00:57:02,487 --> 00:57:12,220 :::::[GWC]:::::