1 00:01:27,464 --> 00:01:30,341 He had no idea how to take care of himself. 2 00:01:30,425 --> 00:01:32,218 He used to condition, then shampoo. 3 00:01:32,302 --> 00:01:34,053 He didn't even know how to change a diaper. 4 00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:36,848 - How could I leave my baby with that? - Maybe nobody taught him. 5 00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:39,559 And maybe he's a dumb-ass. 6 00:01:39,642 --> 00:01:44,314 But still, I feel really bad for missing her first birthday. 7 00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:46,232 It's a big one, you know. 8 00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:49,986 - Hurry up! - Can I rinse off? 9 00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:52,363 They used to hold an empty one for Red. 10 00:01:53,615 --> 00:01:56,117 - Ow! That hurts. - Move it! Do it in the fucking sink! 11 00:01:56,201 --> 00:01:57,702 Gracias. 12 00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:01,539 What the– 13 00:02:03,875 --> 00:02:05,210 Aw, man. 14 00:02:06,753 --> 00:02:07,837 Ew. 15 00:02:07,921 --> 00:02:11,633 All right, everybody out now. Let's go. 16 00:02:11,716 --> 00:02:14,511 Is that– Is that caca? 17 00:02:15,053 --> 00:02:19,933 All right, listen up. We've got plumbing issues in Spanish Harlem. 18 00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:22,435 Shit's flooded, and we gotta get to work. 19 00:02:22,519 --> 00:02:24,604 - So? - So they wanna cut. 20 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:26,147 Aw, man, no, fuck that. 21 00:02:26,231 --> 00:02:28,525 You want breakfast? That's how it is. 22 00:02:28,608 --> 00:02:30,944 - The fuck? - Excuse me. 23 00:02:31,027 --> 00:02:35,615 But my girls are not inclined to offer special privileges. Not in our bathroom. 24 00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,450 Your girls? 25 00:02:37,534 --> 00:02:39,118 When did that happen? 26 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:42,038 Ladies, get on line. 27 00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:46,084 Yeah. You violating an unspoken social contract, bitch. 28 00:02:48,837 --> 00:02:50,588 What the fuck you call me? 29 00:02:52,423 --> 00:02:55,385 Cut it out! Get over here! 30 00:02:56,469 --> 00:02:58,888 - What is going on? - She fucking punched me. 31 00:02:58,972 --> 00:03:01,975 I didn't punch– I pushed her like this. 32 00:03:02,058 --> 00:03:03,226 Oh! 33 00:03:03,309 --> 00:03:04,727 Oh, my God! 34 00:03:04,811 --> 00:03:06,229 You see that? 35 00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:08,982 - Dramatic. Oh, come on, sister. - Don't “sister" me. 36 00:03:11,109 --> 00:03:12,694 - I'm writing you a shot. - What? 37 00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:14,612 - Officer– - This ain't even their bathroom. 38 00:03:14,696 --> 00:03:17,031 What, you want a shot too? 39 00:03:20,535 --> 00:03:24,956 Don't ever call a black guard “sister." Don't do that. 40 00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:26,791 Go. 41 00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:31,838 The following inmates have passes. 42 00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:33,548 Goldman, Guiterra– 43 00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:34,966 Get out. 44 00:05:32,417 --> 00:05:35,253 Sorry. You can't buy beer with food stamps. 45 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,338 Just take it. 46 00:05:37,422 --> 00:05:38,840 Excuse me? 47 00:05:38,923 --> 00:05:40,591 It's a $100 EBT card. 48 00:05:40,675 --> 00:05:42,760 Just give me $50. Everybody knows you do this shit. 49 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,141 Forget it. 50 00:05:48,224 --> 00:05:49,726 Yeah. 51 00:05:50,852 --> 00:05:53,354 Take a hike. 52 00:05:53,438 --> 00:05:55,732 We don't do that shit here. 53 00:05:55,815 --> 00:05:58,026 You got the wrong store. 54 00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:00,945 Fifty. 55 00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,323 Minus the cost of the beer. 56 00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:08,995 Ha! 57 00:06:45,782 --> 00:06:47,742 All of the girls must want to have sex. 58 00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:50,328 Yes, Chang. We know. It's not a rape contest. 59 00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:53,122 - What contest? - We're having a bang-off. 60 00:06:53,206 --> 00:06:56,876 All the girls must be here on camp. 61 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:59,629 Really? You mean we can't pull from the local bars? 62 00:06:59,712 --> 00:07:02,090 Yeah. How about, uh, all girls must be human? 63 00:07:02,173 --> 00:07:04,133 Or would that be a problem for you, Boo? 64 00:07:04,217 --> 00:07:06,636 That happened one time. 65 00:07:07,345 --> 00:07:08,805 We were drunk. 66 00:07:08,888 --> 00:07:12,266 - So, do they have to come for it to count? - Excellent question. 67 00:07:12,350 --> 00:07:16,312 “Have to"? Son, with me, they always come. 68 00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:18,731 Oh. Only once? That's so sad. 69 00:07:19,524 --> 00:07:22,444 Hey, Chang, do we get extra points for multiples? I'm the queen of excess. 70 00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:27,323 No double points. But different girls with different points. 71 00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:32,161 - What is that? - Score sheet. 72 00:07:32,245 --> 00:07:34,038 Trim, six. 73 00:07:34,122 --> 00:07:35,832 Chapman, three. 74 00:07:35,915 --> 00:07:39,085 I don't wanna play the game. Don't put me in that. 75 00:07:40,378 --> 00:07:42,505 - Three out of what? - Ten. 76 00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:44,674 Ten's like a guard, right? 77 00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:47,093 And one's like a– That girl. 78 00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:51,097 I am so more than a three. I am not easy. 79 00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:54,559 You're slutty, not easy. There's a difference semantically. 80 00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:58,271 Yeah, you're not easy. You only fucked your worst enemy. 81 00:07:58,354 --> 00:08:02,859 Alex was not my enemy at the time... that I knew. 82 00:08:04,402 --> 00:08:06,362 It was complicated. 83 00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:08,781 She has that effect on me. 84 00:08:08,865 --> 00:08:12,034 Me too. Love to get my dick in her mouth. 85 00:08:13,161 --> 00:08:15,580 Maybe she'll come back in time for the game. 86 00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:18,583 Don't count on it. 87 00:08:20,251 --> 00:08:21,752 Hey. 88 00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:25,381 - What are y'all playing? - Nothin'. 89 00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:27,967 A game as old as time. 90 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,386 Oh, yeah? What's it called? 91 00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:31,929 Exclusion. 92 00:08:33,139 --> 00:08:35,099 Cool. How do you play it? 93 00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:42,690 Man, it's bullshit, man. 94 00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:45,568 I already got two shots for being late to the warehouse. 95 00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:48,237 Now I got another for trying to keep from being late? 96 00:08:48,321 --> 00:08:50,948 - This is our bathroom. - Mm-hmm. 97 00:08:51,032 --> 00:08:52,909 - When I was here last time– - Oh, God. 98 00:08:52,992 --> 00:08:54,493 We've heard. 99 00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,245 That was back in the good ol' days... 100 00:08:56,329 --> 00:08:58,956 when you could stab a bitch in her sleep and nobody said nothin'. 101 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,709 Oh, I'm sorry. Do you like being every woman's doormat? 102 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:02,877 Oh. 103 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,046 Who said anything about being a doormat, man? 104 00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:06,839 Shit, I'm my own doormat. 105 00:09:06,923 --> 00:09:09,383 Uh, yes, but a doormat to where? 106 00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:12,887 I am telling you, unless we do something now... 107 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,640 this is gonna become the way it is– 108 00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:17,558 Spanish running things. 109 00:09:17,642 --> 00:09:19,602 And we can't look to the screws for help. 110 00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:22,396 “Screws"? Man, you are old. 111 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,275 Mm-hmm. I'm just saying those girls need to learn some manners. 112 00:09:26,359 --> 00:09:28,778 - Mmm. - I know what you saying. 113 00:09:28,861 --> 00:09:30,988 - Do you, baby? - Mm-hmm. 114 00:09:31,072 --> 00:09:34,367 Fork on the left, knife on the right. 115 00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:37,203 Little fork on the outer left. 116 00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:40,706 - It's cold out here. - You'll warm up once we get working. 117 00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:44,252 Irma, you and Frieda start pulling weeds out of the floor. 118 00:09:44,335 --> 00:09:47,338 Taslitz and Jimmy and I will start clearing out this junk. 119 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,215 Oh, I can't stay long. 120 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,425 Jack is taking me to the movies tonight. 121 00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:53,511 - Okay. - We need to get there early. 122 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,596 There'll be a huge line for Easter Parade. 123 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,932 Jimmy, maybe you'll help pull weeds, huh? 124 00:09:58,015 --> 00:10:00,393 All right, but I have to go soon. 125 00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:03,729 Girls, give me a hand with this, huh? 126 00:10:03,813 --> 00:10:04,563 What? 127 00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:07,441 You said this greenhouse club would be relaxing... 128 00:10:07,525 --> 00:10:09,026 give us time away from the noise. 129 00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:11,070 You didn't say nothin' about hauling wood. 130 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:13,155 You want to get warm or not? 131 00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:17,410 - Good morning, ladies. - Good morning, Mr. Healy. 132 00:10:17,493 --> 00:10:19,537 Is that Jack? 133 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:20,620 Oh. 134 00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:24,333 Quite a little challenge you've set for yourself, Red. 135 00:10:24,417 --> 00:10:26,961 Yes, I'm getting that feeling. 136 00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:29,171 Ladies, would you mind if I spoke to Red for a minute? 137 00:10:29,255 --> 00:10:30,965 Uh, not at all. 138 00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:33,217 Uh, we'll go help pulling weeds. 139 00:10:38,431 --> 00:10:42,977 They're putting up a production of Our Town at Litchfield High tonight. 140 00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:46,188 You think maybe that'd be a good thing to take Katya to see? 141 00:10:46,272 --> 00:10:50,609 I don't know. I'm not familiar with the actors at that particular high school. 142 00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,989 I thought maybe a little culture would be nice. 143 00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:58,617 Mostly, I just wanna get away from her mother for the evening. 144 00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:03,247 Or we could just go to dinner. They just opened an Italian place. 145 00:11:03,331 --> 00:11:05,374 - What do you think? - Healy. 146 00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:11,047 We had an agreement back when I ran the kitchen. 147 00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:14,884 You scratched my back, and I told you when it was time to trim your ear hairs. 148 00:11:16,135 --> 00:11:18,512 But I don't need my back scratched anymore. 149 00:11:18,596 --> 00:11:20,306 And I'd rather be left alone. 150 00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:22,391 I'm just asking your opinion. 151 00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,897 Skip the play. Take her to dinner. 152 00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:31,275 - Italian? - What, romantic Indian? Come on. 153 00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:33,944 All right. Thank you. 154 00:11:35,029 --> 00:11:36,864 Healy, can we get a space heater in here? 155 00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,784 I'll look into it. Probably not. 156 00:11:41,202 --> 00:11:42,703 Shit licker. 157 00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:45,331 Can we grow pot? 158 00:11:46,207 --> 00:11:49,960 I heard from my cousin that the whole front of the building on the corner fell off... 159 00:11:50,044 --> 00:11:52,213 and crashed onto the sidewalk. 160 00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:54,799 Yeah. Boom. 161 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,468 Hey. 162 00:11:57,551 --> 00:12:01,639 - Check out the antisuicide poster. - Oh. 163 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:05,226 You think someone tried to do it in– like, right in here? 164 00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:07,269 Maybe right where you're sitting? 165 00:12:07,353 --> 00:12:09,855 - Oh, Cal. - What? It's just a question. 166 00:12:11,357 --> 00:12:13,984 Piper. Oh, what a relief. 167 00:12:15,486 --> 00:12:17,113 - Oh! - What? 168 00:12:17,196 --> 00:12:20,157 Oh, she was worried that you wouldn't be pretty anymore. 169 00:12:20,241 --> 00:12:21,700 - Hey. - Hey. 170 00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:24,537 Ah. I told you, she won the fight. 171 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,415 That's right. I kicked ass. 172 00:12:27,498 --> 00:12:31,794 I spent three weeks in solitary confinement just thinking “winner." 173 00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:34,213 - Yeah. - Oh, Piper. 174 00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:36,632 Did Larry come to visit you? 175 00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:40,970 No. And he won't be coming to visit me. 176 00:12:41,053 --> 00:12:43,514 I told you. We broke up. 177 00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,892 Well, his earning potential was questionable. 178 00:12:46,976 --> 00:12:49,812 I was hoping that you would have, like, a gnarly scar. 179 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:53,399 - Add character... and mystery. - There's still time. 180 00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:56,944 You'll find another man. I can help you. 181 00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:59,655 - There's no need for that. - No, I want to. 182 00:13:00,531 --> 00:13:03,200 - Wasn't Neri supposed to come? - Yes. They wouldn't let her in. 183 00:13:03,284 --> 00:13:05,744 There was some issue with her background check. She's in the lobby. 184 00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,468 I tell you what I find most disturbing... 185 00:13:07,538 --> 00:13:10,332 is that it looks almost exactly like my old high school in here. 186 00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:14,128 Same cinder block construction, low ceilings... 187 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:16,380 oppressive fluorescent lighting. 188 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:20,593 I wonder if that's intentional, like part of the punishment. 189 00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:24,346 If so, kudos to the government... 190 00:13:24,430 --> 00:13:26,348 because it's genius. 191 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,020 And where's Daddy? 192 00:13:32,563 --> 00:13:35,816 - He didn't wanna see me? - Of course he did, darling. 193 00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,401 Something came up. 194 00:13:37,485 --> 00:13:39,487 Nothing came up. You don't have to lie to me. 195 00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:41,655 - He doesn't want to see me in here. - That's right. 196 00:13:41,739 --> 00:13:43,908 No, Cal. 197 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:46,160 That is not right. You can't let her think that. 198 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,245 - Well, it's better than the other thing. - No. 199 00:13:48,329 --> 00:13:50,748 - What other thing? - It's nothing. 200 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:54,585 Well, then, if it's nothing, can you at least tell me what it is? Cal? 201 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:58,964 We agreed that we shouldn't tell you. But you can guess. 202 00:13:59,048 --> 00:14:01,258 Oh, no. Is it bad? 203 00:14:01,342 --> 00:14:02,843 - Mmm. - Oh, stop it, Cal. 204 00:14:02,927 --> 00:14:05,846 - This is not appropriate. - What is not appropriate? 205 00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:08,974 I am an adult who is in prison. I can handle things. 206 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,645 You have to tell me what it is, goddamn it. 207 00:14:13,479 --> 00:14:15,397 Did Daddy lose his job? 208 00:14:15,481 --> 00:14:17,566 - Did your house burn down? - No. 209 00:14:17,650 --> 00:14:19,235 Did my house burn down? 210 00:14:19,318 --> 00:14:22,655 - No, darling, it isn't property. - No hints, please. 211 00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:24,615 - So it's a person. - Ah. 212 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,660 Is Daddy sick? Dead? Is Daddy dead? 213 00:14:27,743 --> 00:14:29,870 Darling, Daddy is fine. 214 00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:33,374 Aside from his cholesterol, but he's taking fish oil for that. 215 00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:35,751 Keep going. You're getting warmer. Daddy's fine, but– 216 00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:39,672 Danny. Polly. Larry. Grandmother. 217 00:14:39,755 --> 00:14:42,049 Grandmother's dead. Gran– Dying. Grandmother's dying! 218 00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,176 Yes! Grandmother's dying. 219 00:14:44,260 --> 00:14:46,178 Grandmother's dying! 220 00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:53,477 Oh, no. 221 00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,983 Oh, my God. 222 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:06,615 Mendoza. Your people are not authorized to use the “B" dorm bathroom. 223 00:15:06,699 --> 00:15:08,200 You have your own bathroom. 224 00:15:08,284 --> 00:15:10,744 Is that what you call that place with the fountains of caca? 225 00:15:10,828 --> 00:15:13,080 I'm getting a plumber. 226 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:15,958 - When? - When I get authorization from Fig... 227 00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,543 when she gets back from Albany. 228 00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:19,670 Well, in the meantime, don't you think your kitchen workers... 229 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,589 should have a sanitary place to go... 230 00:15:21,672 --> 00:15:25,134 especially since they're the ones taking the crust off your sandwiches? 231 00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,680 You didn't even ask. You just stormed in. 232 00:15:31,724 --> 00:15:36,395 Mr. Caputo, can my people use the “B" dorm bathroom, please? 233 00:15:37,688 --> 00:15:40,816 Fine. You can share it. For now. 234 00:15:41,609 --> 00:15:43,110 Thank you. 235 00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:45,946 By the way, can I have a candle for my office? 236 00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:48,991 You wanna light a candle? Go to church on Sunday. 237 00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:51,285 Use one of the electric ones. 238 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:53,787 Don't get cocky with me, Mendoza. 239 00:15:53,871 --> 00:15:57,416 You're important, but you're replaceable. Don't forget that. 240 00:15:57,499 --> 00:16:00,544 Cecily Phillips, report to the warden's office. 241 00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,568 Gloria. 242 00:16:49,927 --> 00:16:51,970 - A rt u r o! - Hey! 243 00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,265 Benito! Julio! 244 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,858 Florecita! 245 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,481 Who are you praying for, Tía? 246 00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:47,609 Tu mamá. 247 00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:52,239 You're gonna cook this very slow for a couple ofhours. 248 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:54,742 Make sure the meat is very tender, so– 249 00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:57,035 Gruber's out of play. 250 00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,662 Who's Gruber? 251 00:17:58,746 --> 00:18:01,623 Oh. What, the freckly girl with the giant forehead? 252 00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:04,376 In the woodshed, behind the band saw. 253 00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:06,170 Everybody else was making a shelf... 254 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:09,131 and we were making L-O-V-E. 255 00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:13,118 Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not sure that's how you spell “gross," but congratulations, Boo. 256 00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:15,262 You got yourself a one-pointer. 257 00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:17,473 Boob in the hand is worth two in the bush. 258 00:18:17,556 --> 00:18:19,641 Oh, yeah? Well, it's only the bush that counts. 259 00:18:20,726 --> 00:18:22,436 But, hey, keep it up. 260 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:25,230 There's plenty other nickel slots in low self-esteem city. 261 00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:30,152 You want me, I'll be playing for big money at a private table. 262 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,321 Well, by that, you must mean playing with yourself... 263 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,239 'cause I don't see you playing with anybody else. 264 00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:35,824 Oh, no? 265 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,828 Hey, Officer Fischer. 266 00:18:39,912 --> 00:18:42,456 Hey, um, would you mind turning the volume up for me on the television? 267 00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,041 It's just– It's kind of low. 268 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,001 Oh, sure, Nichols. 269 00:18:48,337 --> 00:18:49,880 Hey, thanks. Hey. 270 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:53,175 Uh, you look lovely today, by the way. 271 00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:57,095 - Oh. Well, thank you. - Sure. 272 00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:04,311 See? I'm not interested in running some sweaty, fallopian relay race. 273 00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:06,730 I look at this like an art form. 274 00:19:06,814 --> 00:19:09,066 You're out of your depth. 275 00:19:10,776 --> 00:19:12,903 My depth has no depth. 276 00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:17,699 I'm a sexual Steve Jobs, and that bitch is worth 10 points. 277 00:19:18,909 --> 00:19:21,787 And I made reservations at the Spaghetti Factory. 278 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,622 You should have asked me. 279 00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:25,332 I made plans with Ulya. 280 00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:28,085 Well, I'd really appreciate it if you could reschedule. 281 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,211 What? 282 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:54,361 Can you please speak English? 283 00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:57,406 Why we speak English? Why not you speak Russian? 284 00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:59,449 Why? Because you live in America now! 285 00:19:59,533 --> 00:20:02,613 And I don't think it's so horrible for me to wanna do something nice together! 286 00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:04,580 You can see Ulya any day of the week! 287 00:20:04,663 --> 00:20:07,624 It's not like you have to go to a job or anything! 288 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,883 I'm sorry. 289 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,263 I didn't mean to lose my temper. 290 00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:40,741 Maybe we could all go out someplace together. 291 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:43,952 Or if you don't feel like eating, we can go see a play. 292 00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:48,540 I want to spend time with my friend. 293 00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:53,003 Right, which is why I said Ulya's welcome to come. 294 00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:12,481 You don't have any friends, Sam. 295 00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:22,115 Yo. The water pressure's so much better in the ghetto. 296 00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:25,077 - I know, right? - It's fucked up. 297 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:29,289 It's like they're getting special privileges and we the black people. 298 00:21:29,373 --> 00:21:31,208 Hey, wait. Where the fuck are my shoes? 299 00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:34,211 Where are my fucking shoes? 300 00:21:35,170 --> 00:21:36,630 This was in my bed. 301 00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,340 Hey, ladies. 302 00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:39,967 You better get to moving. 303 00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:43,553 If you don't hurry, you gonna be late for work. 304 00:21:43,637 --> 00:21:45,138 Dig! 305 00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:51,395 Oh, fuck. It's on. 306 00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:54,398 Somebody start untangling this shit. 307 00:22:00,862 --> 00:22:02,864 What's the matter with you? 308 00:22:04,783 --> 00:22:06,284 Nothing. 309 00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:11,248 My grandmother is sick. 310 00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:12,833 Oh. 311 00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:15,210 I thought maybe I caught you with the porn. 312 00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:18,588 A sick babushka's nothing to be ashamed of. 313 00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:21,508 I don't wanna bore anyone with my problems. 314 00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:24,261 All problems are boring until they're your own. 315 00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:29,266 - Count time! - You must stand at count. 316 00:22:30,434 --> 00:22:33,270 You must stand at count under Code 320. 317 00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:36,064 What happened? 318 00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,943 She scraped her foot turning laps in the pool. 319 00:22:41,278 --> 00:22:43,280 When it wasn't healing, she went in to see the doctor... 320 00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:46,366 and it turns out her kidney levels were off the chart. 321 00:22:46,450 --> 00:22:49,536 So they put her on dialysis, and then she got an infection. 322 00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:51,079 That's how it happens. 323 00:22:51,163 --> 00:22:55,125 It all goes at once, like internal organ dominoes. 324 00:22:55,208 --> 00:22:58,045 I'm sorry. That's probably not what you want to hear, hmm? 325 00:22:58,128 --> 00:23:01,465 No, it's all right. I'm not looking for sympathy. 326 00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:03,842 I'm trying to follow your lead actually. 327 00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:07,179 Be strong. Suffer in silence. 328 00:23:07,262 --> 00:23:09,222 I like the silent part. 329 00:23:09,306 --> 00:23:11,808 She might pull through. 330 00:23:11,892 --> 00:23:13,935 Anyhow... 331 00:23:14,019 --> 00:23:15,729 what is it that they say? 332 00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:19,274 - “Hang on tightly, let go lightly"? - What? 333 00:23:19,357 --> 00:23:21,943 It's something that Clive Owen says in the movie Croupier. 334 00:23:22,027 --> 00:23:23,862 This is supposed to be comforting? 335 00:23:23,945 --> 00:23:27,324 It probably would be comforting if Clive Owen were here to say it. 336 00:23:27,407 --> 00:23:30,577 Fuck Clive Owen. Don't ever let go. 337 00:23:32,287 --> 00:23:34,623 Not until they make you. 338 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:43,006 All the water from this bathroom goes out this pipe under the floor here. 339 00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:46,384 Until it's cleared, you're gonna have all the water and effluvia. 340 00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:49,596 It's gonna be coming out of the pipe every time you have the showers going. 341 00:23:49,679 --> 00:23:52,140 Well, why? What's the actual problem? 342 00:23:52,224 --> 00:23:55,602 It depends. The snake's not long enough to reach it, so it's probably roots. 343 00:23:55,685 --> 00:23:57,979 Mr. Caputo, may I speak to you for a moment? 344 00:24:00,023 --> 00:24:02,609 What the hell do you think you're doing? I didn't sign off on an outside contractor. 345 00:24:02,692 --> 00:24:04,194 I made an executive decision... 346 00:24:04,277 --> 00:24:08,073 when you decided not to come to work yesterday or this morning. 347 00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:10,659 I had a press conference. 348 00:24:10,742 --> 00:24:13,620 My husband is running for state senate. 349 00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:18,208 Well, this is Jeremy. He's running for plumber of the prison, where we work. 350 00:24:18,291 --> 00:24:20,460 There's a CO trained in plumbing. 351 00:24:20,544 --> 00:24:22,420 His name is Kanarick. He's been here already. 352 00:24:22,504 --> 00:24:23,296 And? 353 00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:26,716 This isn't gonna get unclogged. You're gonna have to remove the whole exit pipe. 354 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,468 How much is that gonna cost? 355 00:24:28,552 --> 00:24:30,470 Oh, it's embedded in the concrete. 356 00:24:30,554 --> 00:24:34,933 So I gotta get a jackhammer. I gotta get my, uh, pipe fitting crews in here. 357 00:24:35,016 --> 00:24:37,853 - How much? - Eighty grand, minimum. 358 00:24:37,936 --> 00:24:40,939 Jesus Christ on a crutch. And there's no other alternative? 359 00:24:41,022 --> 00:24:43,233 You can always have the girls take shorter showers. 360 00:24:44,568 --> 00:24:46,736 Well, that seems like a reasonable solution. 361 00:24:46,820 --> 00:24:49,990 Solution? That's not a solution. It's a bullshit stopgap. 362 00:24:50,073 --> 00:24:52,325 - This needs to be addressed. - And it will be. 363 00:24:52,409 --> 00:24:56,746 But we are dealing with a very serious deficit at the moment, as you know. 364 00:24:56,830 --> 00:25:00,333 Besides, there is an approved list of vendors that we work with. 365 00:25:00,417 --> 00:25:03,670 It's a security issue. You understand. 366 00:25:03,753 --> 00:25:05,922 Shit. Why fix the plumbing at all? 367 00:25:06,006 --> 00:25:09,259 Let's just cut their food rations so they don't shit as much. 368 00:25:10,051 --> 00:25:12,637 I will crunch the numbers and get back to you on that. 369 00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:16,266 Hey, who's gonna pay me for coming out here? 370 00:25:23,607 --> 00:25:25,984 - Chapman. - Can I talk to you for a minute? 371 00:25:26,067 --> 00:25:27,652 Sure. 372 00:25:27,736 --> 00:25:29,362 Close the door. 373 00:25:35,202 --> 00:25:37,787 - Glad to see you're looking well. - Are you? 374 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,499 - Excuse me? - Nothing. 375 00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:43,460 Thank you. 376 00:25:44,628 --> 00:25:46,129 What can I do for you? 377 00:25:46,213 --> 00:25:48,590 My grandmother is very ill. 378 00:25:49,925 --> 00:25:51,384 I'm sorry to hear that. 379 00:25:51,468 --> 00:25:54,554 I know that you probably don't grant furlough for things like this. 380 00:25:55,972 --> 00:25:59,601 And even if you did, I don't expect you would ever give it to me. 381 00:25:59,684 --> 00:26:04,272 But I could not live with myself if I did not at least ask. 382 00:26:04,356 --> 00:26:08,693 Could you please give me furlough to see my grandmother? 383 00:26:08,777 --> 00:26:10,278 Furlough. 384 00:26:11,238 --> 00:26:14,157 Furlough is like the Loch Ness monster– 385 00:26:15,075 --> 00:26:17,827 much discussed and rarely seen. 386 00:26:19,162 --> 00:26:21,206 Don't you have the power to at least apply? 387 00:26:21,289 --> 00:26:24,292 I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do to help you. 388 00:26:29,756 --> 00:26:31,466 Is there something else? 389 00:26:31,549 --> 00:26:33,551 No. Nope. That's it. 390 00:26:39,349 --> 00:26:40,892 You just stood there. 391 00:26:40,976 --> 00:26:43,812 - What? - You stood there... 392 00:26:45,188 --> 00:26:47,315 while she attacked me. 393 00:26:47,983 --> 00:26:50,610 And then you gave her new teeth. 394 00:26:50,694 --> 00:26:52,320 I was nowhere near the incident. 395 00:26:52,404 --> 00:26:54,489 Ms. Doggett will corroborate, I assure you. 396 00:26:54,572 --> 00:26:57,951 I know that I overstepped my bounds... 397 00:26:58,034 --> 00:27:02,664 but I-I– I could have been killed. 398 00:27:02,747 --> 00:27:05,583 Were I there to intervene, I most certainly would have. 399 00:27:05,667 --> 00:27:09,379 I'm sorry about your grandmother. Thanks for stopping by. 400 00:27:14,092 --> 00:27:16,845 What do you mean? He's quitting? 401 00:27:16,928 --> 00:27:18,763 Because of the Black Scarecrow? 402 00:27:18,847 --> 00:27:22,183 The Black Scarecrow isn't even in his weight class. 403 00:27:22,267 --> 00:27:25,478 And even if he was, he has a weakness. 404 00:27:25,562 --> 00:27:28,023 He has a weakness. 405 00:27:28,106 --> 00:27:30,150 What is it this time, you think? 406 00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:32,485 I don't know. I try not to listen. 407 00:27:32,569 --> 00:27:35,655 Ah, come on. There's no shame in being curious. 408 00:27:35,739 --> 00:27:39,075 I wouldn't want people thinking I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. 409 00:27:39,159 --> 00:27:40,744 Yeah, but she could be in trouble. 410 00:27:40,827 --> 00:27:44,122 The Black Scarecrow could be trying to extort her for money or something. 411 00:27:44,205 --> 00:27:46,750 Oh, no. The Black Scarecrow is a wrestler. 412 00:27:46,833 --> 00:27:49,085 He was supposed to wrestle her son, but he's chickening out. 413 00:27:49,169 --> 00:27:52,881 - I thought you didn't listen. - I couldn't help it. 414 00:27:52,964 --> 00:27:55,675 She was talking about wrestling while crying. 415 00:27:55,759 --> 00:27:57,719 - Is he there? - It doesn't take much. 416 00:27:57,802 --> 00:28:00,305 I once saw her crying reading a Garfield comic. 417 00:28:00,388 --> 00:28:03,975 I wish I could give her her privacy, but it's my job to stand here. 418 00:28:04,059 --> 00:28:07,979 That's fine. I mean, not everybody wants their privacy. 419 00:28:08,063 --> 00:28:09,522 I know I don't. 420 00:28:09,606 --> 00:28:10,982 Yeah? 421 00:28:11,066 --> 00:28:16,112 Yeah. Well, I like privacy but not... alone privacy. 422 00:28:16,196 --> 00:28:18,281 I'm not sure what that means. 423 00:28:18,365 --> 00:28:20,075 It means I work in electrical... 424 00:28:20,158 --> 00:28:22,660 so I know all the spots where the cameras don't work. 425 00:28:22,744 --> 00:28:26,331 If you're ever feeling curious about other things. 426 00:28:30,585 --> 00:28:34,297 Do you have a phone call to make? Because if not, I suggest you move on. 427 00:28:34,381 --> 00:28:37,759 - Hey now, Fischer– - Now, inmate! 428 00:28:38,593 --> 00:28:41,221 Huh? All right. Geez. 429 00:28:41,304 --> 00:28:45,308 But if he brings his own chair, he could really hurt him. 430 00:28:45,392 --> 00:28:47,352 He could win... 431 00:28:47,435 --> 00:28:52,107 and return glory to our family. 432 00:28:55,610 --> 00:28:58,154 Ugh! Oh, man. 433 00:28:58,238 --> 00:29:00,115 - What is it? - Ugh! 434 00:29:00,198 --> 00:29:03,493 Salt. They gave us special trays. 435 00:29:03,576 --> 00:29:05,662 Them chili-shittin' bitches. 436 00:29:05,745 --> 00:29:09,499 They fuckin' with us this way 'cause they know our people's predisposition for hypertension. 437 00:29:09,582 --> 00:29:12,168 - Man, they tryin' to kill us. - Ugh! 438 00:29:12,252 --> 00:29:15,213 Well, what do y'all expect? Don't fuck with the cooks. 439 00:29:17,465 --> 00:29:18,800 What? 440 00:29:18,883 --> 00:29:21,302 Hey, why I got it like that? I didn't even do nothin'. 441 00:29:21,386 --> 00:29:23,763 They're grouping us all together. 442 00:29:23,847 --> 00:29:26,975 It's called racism, slow bird. Was you just born or something? 443 00:29:27,058 --> 00:29:28,560 Man, shut up. 444 00:29:28,643 --> 00:29:32,313 The secret is pretend the salt is sugar. 445 00:29:34,315 --> 00:29:35,775 Bennett, I got a question. 446 00:29:35,859 --> 00:29:38,278 Would you rather live in a house with a cracked foundation... 447 00:29:38,361 --> 00:29:41,030 or one across from a parking lot where the lights never go off? 448 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:43,741 Neither. 449 00:29:43,825 --> 00:29:45,702 What if nothing else is in your price range? 450 00:29:46,703 --> 00:29:48,580 Hey, I want a new tray. 451 00:29:48,663 --> 00:29:51,207 Sorry. You get what you get. 452 00:29:51,291 --> 00:29:54,335 That's bullshit! You can't mess with my food. 453 00:29:54,419 --> 00:29:55,920 Janae, calm down. 454 00:29:57,839 --> 00:30:00,508 - You cannot do that! - Fuck. 455 00:30:00,592 --> 00:30:02,760 - Get off of me! - Shut up! 456 00:30:03,845 --> 00:30:06,890 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 457 00:30:06,973 --> 00:30:08,558 Get off me! 458 00:30:08,641 --> 00:30:11,102 - You wanna go down the hill? - No. 459 00:30:11,186 --> 00:30:13,062 Then you cut that shit out. 460 00:30:13,897 --> 00:30:15,899 You just lost commissary for a month, inmate. 461 00:30:35,126 --> 00:30:38,171 You got a plan, or are you only trying to start shit? 462 00:30:38,254 --> 00:30:40,089 I'm handling it. 463 00:30:40,173 --> 00:30:43,551 You better. That's my granddaughter in there. 464 00:30:55,355 --> 00:30:56,856 - No. - No? Florecita. 465 00:32:19,647 --> 00:32:22,108 - Gloria Mendoza. - Yeah. 466 00:32:22,191 --> 00:32:25,194 - This is your business? - Yeah. 467 00:32:25,278 --> 00:32:28,781 Miss Mendoza, I have a warrant for your arrest. 468 00:32:28,865 --> 00:32:30,908 You're under arrest for fraud. 469 00:32:30,992 --> 00:32:33,620 - What? - Put your hands behind your back. 470 00:32:33,703 --> 00:32:35,204 Get her out of here. 471 00:33:13,993 --> 00:33:17,413 Thought we didn't want children 472 00:33:17,580 --> 00:33:20,416 And then we changed our mind 473 00:33:20,500 --> 00:33:24,003 - There's workers in the mine - Give me a shot and a beer. 474 00:33:24,087 --> 00:33:27,799 - They can't escape - That's $10. 475 00:33:27,882 --> 00:33:30,218 The tunnel's out 476 00:33:30,301 --> 00:33:33,429 But it's time to evacuate 477 00:33:33,513 --> 00:33:36,557 There's workers in the mine 478 00:33:36,641 --> 00:33:39,602 But the workers are alone 479 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,898 The work is never done 480 00:33:43,981 --> 00:33:48,820 Until our brothers come back home 481 00:33:50,905 --> 00:33:53,741 All right. Thank you. Thank you. 482 00:33:53,825 --> 00:33:56,661 We've got Gabe Ronley on drums. 483 00:33:56,744 --> 00:33:59,247 We've got Joe Caputo on bass. 484 00:33:59,330 --> 00:34:00,832 John Glickman on guitar. 485 00:34:00,915 --> 00:34:05,378 - I'm Albert Roth, and we are Sideboob. - Yahoo! 486 00:34:05,461 --> 00:34:09,382 This next song is called “The Sorcerers." 487 00:34:09,465 --> 00:34:12,927 Otherwise known as “John Glickman is a Pedophile." 488 00:34:14,011 --> 00:34:15,555 Oh! 489 00:34:15,638 --> 00:34:17,390 A snowfield ofbones 490 00:34:17,473 --> 00:34:19,642 A cross made of thunder 491 00:34:19,726 --> 00:34:22,645 We are the sorcerers 492 00:34:22,729 --> 00:34:24,605 Are the sorcerers 493 00:34:24,689 --> 00:34:26,399 Are the sorcerers 494 00:34:26,482 --> 00:34:28,901 Are the sorcerers Are the– 495 00:34:28,985 --> 00:34:32,530 We go to prison 20% longer for the same crimes as white people. 496 00:34:32,613 --> 00:34:34,991 They can stop and frisk us whenever they want. 497 00:34:35,074 --> 00:34:37,326 And now when some bitch fucks with our food... 498 00:34:37,410 --> 00:34:39,245 I'm the one who gets thrown on the ground? 499 00:34:39,328 --> 00:34:42,123 - This shit ain't right. - Don't forget they took your commissary. 500 00:34:42,206 --> 00:34:44,250 Be angry. Y'all need to be angry. 501 00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:46,711 Man, I would say we go on hunger strike... 502 00:34:46,794 --> 00:34:48,671 but that shit's already happening. 503 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:54,677 Oh. Look like somebody took a wrong turn on the way to the barrio. 504 00:34:54,761 --> 00:34:56,679 You and me in the bathroom now. 505 00:34:58,848 --> 00:35:01,601 - I'll come with you. - I got this. 506 00:35:02,518 --> 00:35:04,687 Oh, sh– She shouldn't go alone. 507 00:35:04,771 --> 00:35:06,773 She'll be fine. Heel. 508 00:35:06,856 --> 00:35:11,277 Yeah. I put money on our girl over that beanbag bitch any day. 509 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,489 I don't know, man. Mendoza be on that coconut magic. 510 00:35:14,572 --> 00:35:16,324 She's like a bruja and shit. 511 00:35:16,407 --> 00:35:18,785 I'll show her come coconut magic. 512 00:35:18,868 --> 00:35:21,287 Put a coconut in my sock. Wham! 513 00:35:21,370 --> 00:35:23,331 Sock-a-nut, bitch. 514 00:35:26,209 --> 00:35:27,960 I'm just playin'. 515 00:35:29,420 --> 00:35:31,964 You must got some real big feet. 516 00:35:32,048 --> 00:35:36,302 The fuckin' best song in this fucking band. 517 00:35:36,385 --> 00:35:38,137 You wanna know what it is? 518 00:35:38,221 --> 00:35:41,849 It's the one with the guys working in the fucking mine. 519 00:35:41,933 --> 00:35:46,771 That fuckin' song is like a classic fuckin' song. 520 00:35:46,854 --> 00:35:52,693 That fuckin' song is a song you hear on the fuckin' radio. 521 00:35:52,777 --> 00:35:57,657 Actually, that song is not about workers in the mine. 522 00:35:57,740 --> 00:35:59,867 - What do you mean? - It's a metaphor. 523 00:35:59,951 --> 00:36:02,495 AI wrote it about his vasectomy reversal. 524 00:36:02,578 --> 00:36:04,413 - No shit. - Serious. 525 00:36:06,457 --> 00:36:08,584 Hey, you guys got a CD? 526 00:36:08,668 --> 00:36:10,670 Please tell me you got a fucking CD. 527 00:36:10,753 --> 00:36:12,213 Look at this. 528 00:36:12,296 --> 00:36:15,049 What do you look for in a state senator? 529 00:36:15,132 --> 00:36:18,219 - Mr. Fig. - Mr. Fig. 530 00:36:20,096 --> 00:36:22,557 “Look, the reason I'm the only one with a helmet... 531 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,141 is because I'm richer than you." 532 00:36:24,225 --> 00:36:26,561 who will fight for all New Yorkers. 533 00:36:27,645 --> 00:36:30,606 “Oh, hammering that nail was hard. I'm pooped." 534 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:32,650 “Whee!" 535 00:36:32,733 --> 00:36:34,402 - I'm Jason Figueroa. - There she is. 536 00:36:34,485 --> 00:36:39,198 Behind every strong man is a strong cunt-faced witch monster. 537 00:36:39,282 --> 00:36:40,741 Let's get to work. 538 00:36:40,825 --> 00:36:42,785 “Let's get to work." 539 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:45,997 Let me ask you something. 540 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,583 When you first started, Fig wasn't there, right? 541 00:36:48,666 --> 00:36:51,168 You talked directly to the warden? 542 00:36:51,252 --> 00:36:53,629 Yeah. It was great. 543 00:36:53,713 --> 00:36:56,007 Actually, he was fucking terrifying. 544 00:36:56,090 --> 00:36:58,426 But at least when you talked to him, you were talking to a guy. 545 00:36:58,509 --> 00:37:02,221 I hate talking about women's issues to women. It's... creepy. 546 00:37:02,305 --> 00:37:04,807 When you talked to him, did he give a shit? 547 00:37:05,683 --> 00:37:07,727 'Cause I would really like to report to someone... 548 00:37:07,810 --> 00:37:11,981 who I felt gave a shit about these women we're meant to be taking care of. 549 00:37:12,064 --> 00:37:13,649 You want a tissue? 550 00:37:13,733 --> 00:37:15,943 No, I don't want a fuckin' tissue. I'm serious. 551 00:37:16,819 --> 00:37:18,321 All right. 552 00:37:19,196 --> 00:37:22,158 I mean, think about the fucked-up year we're having. 553 00:37:22,241 --> 00:37:24,619 We are failing here. 554 00:37:24,702 --> 00:37:28,331 I can't even get approval to fix the fucking toilets. 555 00:37:29,999 --> 00:37:31,500 I'm sorry, man. 556 00:37:31,584 --> 00:37:33,085 That's all right. 557 00:37:34,503 --> 00:37:36,839 The least we should do... 558 00:37:36,923 --> 00:37:40,509 is keep these women safe and-and-and clean. 559 00:37:40,593 --> 00:37:44,055 You know, you're right. You're right. 560 00:37:44,138 --> 00:37:46,223 - At least clean. - At least clean. 561 00:37:46,307 --> 00:37:47,892 At least the women in the kitchen. 562 00:37:47,975 --> 00:37:51,854 At least those women in the kitchen. Keep 'em fucking clean. 563 00:37:51,938 --> 00:37:53,731 Fuckin'-A. 564 00:37:53,814 --> 00:37:55,858 Keep them fucking clean. 565 00:38:01,030 --> 00:38:03,240 Gloria, I was hoping that we could be friends. 566 00:38:03,324 --> 00:38:06,661 You wanna fuck with me? You don't wanna fuck with me. 567 00:38:06,744 --> 00:38:08,996 - I gave you cigarettes. - And I gave you cake. 568 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:10,706 But that don't mean that we're friends. 569 00:38:10,790 --> 00:38:13,668 And those cigarettes, they were fucking stale. 570 00:38:13,751 --> 00:38:15,753 Can we just talk about this like responsible– 571 00:38:15,836 --> 00:38:19,423 No, I'm not talking to you. I'm telling you. 572 00:38:19,507 --> 00:38:21,801 If any of your girls touches any of mine... 573 00:38:21,884 --> 00:38:24,220 there's gonna be more than salt in your food next time. 574 00:38:24,303 --> 00:38:28,557 - Gloria– - You understand... me? 575 00:38:32,895 --> 00:38:34,575 Gloria, I don't want any trouble with you. 576 00:38:34,647 --> 00:38:37,066 I've been telling them, “Let's go use the Spanish bathroom. 577 00:38:37,149 --> 00:38:39,193 Suzanne can clean it." She'll like that. 578 00:38:39,276 --> 00:38:42,321 And then you and your girls can just take the ghetto bathroom. 579 00:38:42,405 --> 00:38:43,864 I'm on your side. 580 00:38:43,948 --> 00:38:47,118 Oh, you were gonna give us the bathroom? 581 00:38:47,201 --> 00:38:48,661 Bullshit, mama! 582 00:38:48,744 --> 00:38:52,748 Because you– you don't got no bathroom to give. 583 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,587 Oh, no, man. What the fuck is wrong with you? 584 00:38:58,671 --> 00:39:00,952 I'm too old for this shit. I'm just too old for this shit. 585 00:39:01,007 --> 00:39:03,092 That's what's wrong with me. 586 00:39:04,343 --> 00:39:06,387 Listen. I don't even know these girls, okay? 587 00:39:06,470 --> 00:39:08,389 They want me to be some kind of den mother. 588 00:39:08,472 --> 00:39:12,351 I'm trying to work with you, and all you're trying to do is run over me. 589 00:39:12,435 --> 00:39:14,437 I'm trying to give you the bathroom, okay? 590 00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:16,313 I'm a good talker, but... 591 00:39:17,732 --> 00:39:19,984 I can't sell this shit unless you give me something. 592 00:39:20,067 --> 00:39:22,903 - You gotta give me something. And then– - Like what? 593 00:39:22,987 --> 00:39:25,573 Taystee and Watson have been talking... 594 00:39:25,656 --> 00:39:29,076 about wanting to get transferred to custodial. 595 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:31,787 - Custodial? - Yeah. They wanna be with their girl– 596 00:39:31,871 --> 00:39:33,664 their girl Cindy. 597 00:39:33,748 --> 00:39:36,417 There are a couple of Spanish girls in custodial. 598 00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:38,044 Maybe you could talk to Caputo... 599 00:39:38,127 --> 00:39:41,255 and, you know, have them transferred to the– to the kitchen. 600 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:45,551 Maybe I could work with that. 601 00:39:45,634 --> 00:39:48,971 Huh? Oh, fuck. Come on, man. 602 00:39:50,806 --> 00:39:52,516 Fine. 603 00:39:54,810 --> 00:39:58,064 Show me you can clear the bathroom... 604 00:39:58,147 --> 00:40:00,316 and then I'll talk to Caputo. 605 00:40:04,070 --> 00:40:07,490 And get yourself together, 'cause, Jesus, I didn't even fucking hit you. 606 00:40:18,250 --> 00:40:20,711 Your attention, please. Sign-ups are available– 607 00:40:20,795 --> 00:40:22,338 Mr. Healy, you wanted to see me? 608 00:40:22,421 --> 00:40:23,839 Door. 609 00:40:30,513 --> 00:40:32,681 I'm submitting you for a three-day furlough. 610 00:40:33,766 --> 00:40:35,351 There are no guarantees... 611 00:40:35,434 --> 00:40:37,853 but I'm gonna do my best to try to push it forward. 612 00:40:37,937 --> 00:40:40,856 Now, I'm assuming that you're gonna be staying with your fiancé. 613 00:40:40,940 --> 00:40:43,025 I need to write down an address. 614 00:40:44,151 --> 00:40:46,028 Yes. Of course. 615 00:40:48,614 --> 00:40:52,368 - Would you like to call him to make sure? - I'll call right away. 616 00:40:53,661 --> 00:40:55,913 Thank you, Mr. Healy. 617 00:40:55,996 --> 00:40:58,916 I think it's only fair we give it a shot. 618 00:40:58,999 --> 00:41:01,001 It's the least we can do. 619 00:41:04,505 --> 00:41:06,048 And, Chapman... 620 00:41:07,049 --> 00:41:09,176 I'm responsible for you. 621 00:41:16,517 --> 00:41:19,562 - Hey, Joe! - What's up, Healy? 622 00:41:19,645 --> 00:41:22,106 I had a lot of fun last night. You guys were amazing. 623 00:41:22,189 --> 00:41:23,858 Right. Thanks for coming out. 624 00:41:23,941 --> 00:41:25,568 I need you to sign this work transfer. 625 00:41:25,651 --> 00:41:27,695 I'm moving a couple of girls from custodial. 626 00:41:27,778 --> 00:41:30,364 Uh, Flores and, um, Sanchez. 627 00:41:30,447 --> 00:41:33,200 Okay. But won't that leave custodial shorthanded? 628 00:41:33,284 --> 00:41:35,327 Yeah. We'll figure that out. 629 00:41:35,411 --> 00:41:37,621 Mendoza needs help in the kitchen. 630 00:41:37,705 --> 00:41:39,206 Okay. 631 00:41:40,291 --> 00:41:42,668 I'm already looking forward to next Tuesday. 632 00:41:42,751 --> 00:41:44,837 - Right. - Sideboob Tuesdays! 633 00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:47,673 - Thanks, Healy. - Good seeing you, Ca-poo-dawg! 634 00:41:52,845 --> 00:41:55,885 Chang, are you confirming these bangs, or you're just taking her word for it? 635 00:41:55,931 --> 00:41:58,851 I don't smell fingers. I just write numbers. 636 00:41:58,934 --> 00:42:02,396 She got five points. You– zilch-oh. 637 00:42:02,479 --> 00:42:05,941 It's been three days. Unless she's cloning herself, that seems highly unlikely. 638 00:42:06,025 --> 00:42:07,610 It's just a game, Nichols. 639 00:42:07,693 --> 00:42:09,695 It's not a game unless it's being played fairly. 640 00:42:09,778 --> 00:42:11,530 What's that smell? 641 00:42:11,614 --> 00:42:13,949 Nichols, you got a new fragrance? 642 00:42:14,033 --> 00:42:16,493 Oh, yeah. That's desperation. 643 00:42:16,577 --> 00:42:20,247 Honey, you might wanna wash, because girls turn right off when they smell that. 644 00:42:22,625 --> 00:42:24,710 My finger smells like an old tennis ball. 645 00:42:24,793 --> 00:42:26,378 God, I screwed myself. 646 00:42:26,462 --> 00:42:28,881 Two days I wasted on Officer Twat Tease. 647 00:42:28,964 --> 00:42:31,342 - You were too ambitious. - I was arrogant. 648 00:42:31,425 --> 00:42:32,968 It's a classic story of hubris. 649 00:42:33,052 --> 00:42:35,846 I'm like Icarus, whose wings melted before he could fuck the sun. 650 00:42:35,930 --> 00:42:39,308 You could always tell people she got herpes. 651 00:42:39,391 --> 00:42:41,518 That's good, isn't it? Yeah? 652 00:42:41,602 --> 00:42:46,106 People always forget to remember I'm tricksy. Huh? 653 00:42:46,190 --> 00:42:48,609 - It ain't over yet. - Ah, it's not over till it's over. 654 00:42:48,692 --> 00:42:51,904 - Oh, I love that song. - Ah, but herpes is way too pedestrian. 655 00:42:51,987 --> 00:42:54,073 Maybe I'll say it's that new super gonorrhea. 656 00:42:54,156 --> 00:42:56,033 Oh, yeah. I read about that. 657 00:42:57,326 --> 00:42:59,703 - Excuse me, sir. - Oh, Fischer. Good morning. 658 00:42:59,787 --> 00:43:01,789 Good morning, sir. Do you mind if I ask you a question? 659 00:43:01,872 --> 00:43:04,625 - Of course. - It's about our surveillance. 660 00:43:07,127 --> 00:43:10,256 If it's about our video cameras, they all work. 661 00:43:10,339 --> 00:43:12,341 That's what you should tell the inmates. 662 00:43:12,424 --> 00:43:14,593 Oh. No. It's about our phones. 663 00:43:14,677 --> 00:43:16,762 Do we have anyone who monitors inmate calls? 664 00:43:16,845 --> 00:43:19,640 Well, it's all recorded in a computer. 665 00:43:19,723 --> 00:43:23,185 We only review it when there's a reason. 666 00:43:23,269 --> 00:43:25,729 Don't you think we should do random check-ins? 667 00:43:25,813 --> 00:43:28,649 Yes. And we do. 668 00:43:30,067 --> 00:43:32,236 Again, they should think we do. 669 00:43:32,319 --> 00:43:34,238 But it's not exactly a priority... 670 00:43:34,321 --> 00:43:37,366 and half those conversations are in Spanish. 671 00:43:40,703 --> 00:43:47,543 Yo hablo espanõl muy bueno, sir. 672 00:43:59,513 --> 00:44:00,639 Hello. 673 00:44:00,723 --> 00:44:03,309 An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison is attempting to contact you. 674 00:44:03,392 --> 00:44:06,270 To accept this call, please press 1. 675 00:44:09,023 --> 00:44:11,942 - Larry? - Yes. Is everything all right? 676 00:44:12,026 --> 00:44:14,278 Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. 677 00:44:15,237 --> 00:44:16,780 Is this a good time? 678 00:44:16,864 --> 00:44:18,365 Of course. 679 00:44:19,533 --> 00:44:23,579 My dad, uh, he told me about Chicago and the SHU. 680 00:44:24,830 --> 00:44:27,666 God, Piper, I'm– I'm so sorry. 681 00:44:27,750 --> 00:44:29,460 It's not your fault. 682 00:44:29,543 --> 00:44:32,921 Are you sure that this is a good time? It sounds like you're going somewhere. 683 00:44:33,005 --> 00:44:34,840 No, no. I'm, uh– I'm heading home. 684 00:44:34,923 --> 00:44:38,427 I was with– I was with Polly. We finally had a bagnut. 685 00:44:38,510 --> 00:44:40,012 What's a bagnut? 686 00:44:40,095 --> 00:44:42,014 It's like a bagel crossed with a doughnut. 687 00:44:42,097 --> 00:44:44,892 It's this... big craze right now. 688 00:44:44,975 --> 00:44:48,520 So we had to wait in line for, like, two hours for it. 689 00:44:48,604 --> 00:44:50,606 Turns out it's a bagel with frosting on it. 690 00:44:50,689 --> 00:44:53,442 I forgot what it's like to have all that freedom to waste. 691 00:44:53,525 --> 00:44:57,571 Yep. I waste my freedom, but I bring my own cup to Stumptown. 692 00:45:03,327 --> 00:45:06,080 Piper, why-why didn't you call sooner? 693 00:45:06,163 --> 00:45:07,581 We broke up. 694 00:45:09,792 --> 00:45:12,753 And I guess I've been imagining I can be this person... 695 00:45:12,836 --> 00:45:15,172 who doesn't depend on anybody... 696 00:45:16,715 --> 00:45:19,343 or lets anybody depend on me. 697 00:45:23,263 --> 00:45:25,265 It's nice to hear your voice. 698 00:45:26,350 --> 00:45:28,560 Yeah, it's nice to hear your voice. 699 00:45:31,063 --> 00:45:33,148 I've missed you. 700 00:45:35,651 --> 00:45:37,820 I've missed you too, Larry. 701 00:45:45,661 --> 00:45:48,122 - It's not that bad. - Man! 702 00:45:48,205 --> 00:45:49,998 Now we don't have to share with anyone. 703 00:45:50,082 --> 00:45:51,750 Segregation. Awesome. 704 00:45:51,834 --> 00:45:53,794 Separate but way shittier. 705 00:45:53,877 --> 00:45:58,340 Well, this is better in the long run– our own bathroom that we control. 706 00:45:58,424 --> 00:46:01,844 “Showers will be limited to 30 seconds"? 707 00:46:01,927 --> 00:46:04,930 Man, I can't even wash my twat in that amount of time. 708 00:46:05,013 --> 00:46:06,849 - What? Vee! - Trust me, baby girl. 709 00:46:06,932 --> 00:46:10,644 Man, I don't care. As long as I don't have to wait in line anymore. 710 00:46:10,727 --> 00:46:13,355 I get one more shot for being late, I'm back in SHU. 711 00:46:13,439 --> 00:46:16,525 - I can't fucking handle that. - You late. I'm late. 712 00:46:16,608 --> 00:46:20,446 Maybe black folks do got a problem with being punctual. 713 00:46:20,529 --> 00:46:23,449 Taystee, Watson, about your work assignments– 714 00:46:24,450 --> 00:46:26,535 gonna be a little change. 715 00:46:31,832 --> 00:46:33,959 - So, she's one today? - Yeah. 716 00:46:34,042 --> 00:46:35,878 Why don't nobody bring her to visit? 717 00:46:35,961 --> 00:46:37,629 What, from Massachusetts? Forget it. 718 00:46:37,713 --> 00:46:40,549 You see? I told you you're lucky your boyfriend's so close. 719 00:46:40,632 --> 00:46:43,719 Her kids are in Massachusetts, and Gloria's kids is all the way in fuckin' Florida. 720 00:46:43,802 --> 00:46:46,221 - Really? - Yeah. The two boys are with their tía. 721 00:46:46,305 --> 00:46:48,825 The two older girls are still in New York, but they never visit. 722 00:46:48,891 --> 00:46:50,350 You guys wanna see this? 723 00:46:50,434 --> 00:46:52,144 - Yeah. - All right. 724 00:46:52,227 --> 00:46:54,313 I got the wax from melting crayons... 725 00:46:54,396 --> 00:46:56,231 and Dayanara drew the picture of St. Anthony. 726 00:46:56,315 --> 00:47:00,736 You pray to him for protection and strength and justice for us and for baby– 727 00:47:00,819 --> 00:47:02,362 Juliana-Fernanda. 728 00:47:02,446 --> 00:47:04,490 - What's the orisha name for St. Anthony? - Orisha? 729 00:47:04,573 --> 00:47:07,534 All the saints had, like, stage names for the booga booga gods... 730 00:47:07,618 --> 00:47:11,455 'cause the plantation owners, they don't want the slaves worshipping no more. 731 00:47:11,538 --> 00:47:14,416 The orisha is named Elegua. 732 00:47:14,500 --> 00:47:18,337 - Yo, how'd you make the wick? - I'll give you one guess. 733 00:47:18,420 --> 00:47:21,048 Do you really, like, believe in this, like, for real? 734 00:47:21,131 --> 00:47:22,633 - You Catholic? - Yeah. 735 00:47:22,716 --> 00:47:24,635 Well, this is Catholic plus. 736 00:47:24,718 --> 00:47:26,345 Look, my tía says it doesn't matter... 737 00:47:26,428 --> 00:47:29,473 if you're praying to a giant cross or to an itty-bitty stick. 738 00:47:29,556 --> 00:47:32,518 It's the faith that you put in it that counts. 739 00:47:32,601 --> 00:47:35,979 Yeah, but do you believe in, like, spells and magic and shit? 740 00:47:36,063 --> 00:47:39,566 I believe I can use all the help I can get. 741 00:47:39,650 --> 00:47:42,778 - You're getting new girls in the kitchen? - You're not allowed back here. 742 00:47:42,861 --> 00:47:44,988 - Did you put in a request? - What if I did? 743 00:47:45,072 --> 00:47:47,449 We need the extra help to keep up with the demand. 744 00:47:47,533 --> 00:47:49,618 - She put you up to this. - She? 745 00:47:49,701 --> 00:47:51,370 Vee. 746 00:47:51,453 --> 00:47:53,539 You got this scuttlebutt ass backwards, Red. 747 00:47:53,622 --> 00:47:55,916 Gloria went in there and told that bitch what's what. 748 00:47:55,999 --> 00:47:57,501 She played you. 749 00:47:57,584 --> 00:48:00,587 You have no idea what you've done. 750 00:48:14,309 --> 00:48:16,144 We gotta start prepping for dinner. 751 00:48:17,813 --> 00:48:20,899 - Aren't you supposed to keep it lit? - You're kidding. 752 00:48:22,317 --> 00:48:24,069 This shit is dangerous. 753 00:49:00,355 --> 00:49:01,857 Huh. 754 00:49:17,706 --> 00:49:19,041 Aah! 755 00:49:34,264 --> 00:49:36,266 No. No, no, no, no. 756 00:49:40,062 --> 00:49:42,939 Oh, no, no! Fuck! Fuck.