Chapman.
Chapman, let's go. Up, up, up.
What? I'm up.
- On your feet. - I th-
I thought that Foley was on duty today.
Is it breakfast already?
No, but if you're hungry, you can lick yesterdays off the wall. Nasty.
No, this-
This- This is art.
This is a yellow warbler drinking out of a daffodil.
She just cannot get enough.
I'm calling it “Thirsty Bird.” It's almost done.
Smells like old Easter in here.
I hate cooked yolks.
- Well, you won't be finishing. - Why? What's happening?
Or annoying the living crap out of me. Stand up on your goddamn feet, inmate.
- Do you need to pee? - I need to know what's going on.
If there was a hearing, I was entitled to be there. Are you taking-
- Am I going to max? - Remember, I asked.
That warbler looks like the yellow Angry Bird.
Please. Is this about Pennsatucky?
Please.
What happened to her?
- Where are we going? - Into this van.
- Am I going back to camp? - Ask me more questions. Go ahead.
Ripped By mstoll
Shit. You couldn't warm this bitch up first?
Not a lot of warning on this one.
Please tell me where we're going.
Are we going back to camp?
Just a yes or a no.
- Hey. - A head nod.
What's up with the Mila Kunis chick from New Year's?
Total psycho. She texted me yesterday, “How 'bout we meet before 10:00 PM sometime.”
With a period, not a question mark.
The fuck? Ordering me around.
And she's got that Kunis face, but she does not have that Kunis ass...
and you gotta have that Kunis ass if you're gonna be tellin', not asking.
Got to have that ass. Can't abide by demanding flat-ass poochies.
- Mm-mmm. - “Poochies”?
Can't say “bitches” no more. It's degrading.
Van nine, you're cleared to go.
On the gate. Open at the gate.
Processing out.
Processing out? Processing out of the SHU?
- I'm diggin' the fresh shave. - No?
No. Then what am I processing out of?
Come around back.
What am I processing out of?
Good luck with it, Chapman.
Is that for me?
Hey, these things-
These are really tight.
- Yep. - I still have basic human rights.
You cannot put me on a mystery bus in the middle of the night...
and not tell me where I'm going.
I demand to know where I am being taken.
Can't abide demanding poochies.
Get your flat-ass on the bus.
Take a seat.
Have eyes on that inmate transport?
Inmate!
Cool it.
He's looking.
- So? - So we'll get in trouble.
No one's getting in trouble, Piper.
Last year Marcy Klein broke her ankle.
She had to get pins in it or something.
Yeah, 'cause she tried to do a herkie on her way out.
Come on. We're all going to Ryan's after.
We're getting close. You guys ready?
Ew. He wears cologne. It's gross.
If my dad finds out, I'm totally getting grounded.
And if your dad doesn't find out, maybe we'll be invited to Ryan's New Year's Eve party.
go into next semester being the same lame losers we are now.
I don't have to jump off a bus to prove I'm fun. I'm fun.
I know that. Just... no one else really does.
Come on.
Here we go. Have a rad Christmas, Ralph.
Go.
- That was so great. - Cool.
Yeah.
Hey. I understand Nicole and Bojing, but why didn't you jump?
I slowed to five miles an hour. It's tradition.
- Unnecessary risk. - You're one of those.
My dad says I should have strength of character, not be a lemming.
Hey, daddy's girl, get the door for me, will ya?
Hey.
- Do you know where we're going? - Hoping for Mississippi.
What?
How can they not tell us where we're going? This is so fucked.
Hush it.
Oh, I should have peed.
Excuse me.
Is there any way that we can stop for a bathroom?
Are we getting off?
Why do you keep thinking I know what the bus schedule is?
I don't know shit. Same as you.
All the way to the back.
It's just that I gotta pee so badly.
They-They have to let us pee, right?
You think I should ask again? Should I ask-
They ain't gonna let you pee. No one told you to wear a pee pad?
- A what? - A pee pad.
Two maxis stacked so they like a maxi-maxi.
Then you just let out a little at a time.
Now some people do two down and then one across the front...
one across the back, like a diaper.
But me, I just do a double stack.
Nobody told me. I've been in Seg for the last month.
I'm doin' it right now.
Line 'em up.
Here we go, ladies. Exit to the front.
An airplane?
- We're getting on a fuckin' airplane? - Let's go.
Stick out your tongue.
All right. Next.
Stick out your tongue.
Up. Up!
I got a tight lingual frenulum.
I really don't need to know about that. Stick it up or I'll rip it out. Come on.
Huh. Oh, Christ.
- That's not mine. - Nice.
Fucker.
- Let me go! - Come on.
Get her covered. Write up assault and occupational exposure, please.
Next.
- You're not a spitter, are ya? - No, sir.
- Not hiding anything? - Just a very, very full bladder.
Stick out your tongue.
Up.
All right. Remind me on the plane. I'll get you to a bathroom.
- Thank you. - Thank you for not peeing your pants.
- Hey, can you tell me where we're going? - Nope. Next.
Let's go. Today.
Just sit tight. I'll be with you in a minute.
Here.
What was that?
It's normal.
It's her first time on a airplane.
I can't talk. I gotta pee.
Can't walk and chew gum at the same time?
Whatever.
Can't have that. Give it up.
Sit. Stay.
Sir?
Um, the restroom?
Ah, right. Uh, let me just get you a female marshal here. Sit tight.
I-I've been sitting tight for about five hours. I'm all good with a male guard.
I'm a marshal. Guards work at the beach.
Please don't mention anything that's near a body of water right now.
- All right. Follow me. - Okay. Thank you.
Don't make me move you broads.
- Where's the, uh- - No door.
Let's go.
Ah.
Everyone's on, sir.
Great. Tell the pilots we're running final security check.
Can you, uh, kinda hurry it up a bit?
I'm going as fast as I can.
Really? 'Cause it sounds a little light.
Better.
In the movies there's always this thing about oxygen masks.
They come out of the ceiling or something. Is someone gonna tell us about those?
- Oh, excuse me. - Hmm. Polite.
Damn. Tight.
You must've really pissed off whoever put these on.
I was a demanding poochie.
Do you tell us where we're going, or do you guys hand out blindfolds when we land?
Ah. Frisky one?
I like that. Seat belts.
- All clear. - All clear.
- All clear! - All clear!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's movin'.
We're movin'.
This thing must weigh like a bazillion pounds. How's it gonna fly?
You know, I read once that you have a better chance of dying...
from the food on an airplane than in an actual crash.
Do they serve food on this flight?
Won't that make the plane heavier?
Close the shade...
and pretend you're on the subway.
My cousin died in a subway crash.
What the fuck? Is she asleep?
Boy, I hope so.
- Do you think that I should get somebody? - No! No.
Hell, no.
It must be a stress thing.
When I get agitated, I get this really weird eye twitch...
although it's not happening right now.
I think I've moved beyond stress into something more deeply disturbing.
I got Vaseline.
A friend of mine, she took this flight...
and she said it was so long and so dry that her whole face almost cracked open.
- You want some? - No, thanks.
- I got a whole glob if you want some later. - I don't want any.
I'll take some of that. It's dry as shit in here.
- Come on. Help me out. - Here.
Even if I was willing to touch her ear glob...
and even if I could reach across the aisle with these shackles on and no guard noticing...
what makes you think that I could get up underneath that mask and touch your lips?
Fuck you then, bitch. You ain't even willing to try?
Sorry.
Well, this one really thinks shit through, don't she?
Shut your ugly face.
No one ever tell you crack kills?
Makes me miss when this one was conscious.
- Lolly. - Piper.
- Hey. - Please tell me you know where this plane is going.
Nope.
But if it's got heat and a bed, it's better than where I been.
You do something really bad?
Well, it wasn't good.
I did something kind of bad, and I was, um, doing my time for it.
Mm-hmm.
And then I did this, uh- I did this other thing.
I did this really, really bad thing...
and I think maybe I'm going away for it, for a long time.
Well, did you-
did you kill somebody?
I don't know.
I mean, this girl-
This girl, she was coming after me, and she was not gonna stop, and-
She is-
Or was-
She was... relentless.
I mean, just crazy.
So...
so crazy.
And I completely lost it.
I just, uh-
I just went there.
And I think-
I didn't really know...
that there was there there, but, um-
I don't know if it just grew there recently or if it's always been there...
but that really- that dark place, that place...
that let me just keep on hitting her...
and hitting her...
and-and, uh, hitting her.
I couldn't stop.
That's-
That's some shit, man.
Hello, passengers.
We want to thank you for flying with us today. We know you have a choice in your air travel.
Kidding. You have no choice at all 'cause you're prisoners.
Our prisoners. Anyhoo, please note the exit rows located in the middle of the plane.
In the case of a water landing, we strongly suggest you do not try and swim to freedom.
Remember, it's winter, and hypothermia hurts.
Your seat cushion may be used as a floatation device.
Please make sure your seat belts are securely fastened.
If the oxygen masks come down, just push them back into the panel above your seat.
We're having some issues with those.
Sit back, relax and enjoy our in-flight entertainment...
which is staring off into space.
Piper, will you please take off those stupid glasses?
Fine, but stop saying my name.
I'm Zoe. Call me Zoe.
Okay, Zoe. Here he comes.
Here you go. Two tickets to Dazed and Confused.
- Have fun. - Thanks.
What if it's rated “R" because something really inappropriate happens...
something that scars us for life?
Will you stop? We've got the tickets.
It's all cool. Why not try to enjoy it?
Oh, my God, my father.
Yeah, right. Quit being such a spaz.
No, seriously. Look across the street.
That's my dad.
- Oh, shit. - See?
On, shit.
Who is that?
Maybe the movie will take your mind off it.
I gave the guy 10 extra bucks to buy the tickets for us.
Fucking shit!
- Are we there? - Oh, geez. I'm sorry.
We're somewhere.
How long was I asleep for?
I don't know. I left my watch back with my freedom.
All right, listen up. New inmates will be joining us.
Remember, there is no touching.
Keep your hands and your feet and your legs and your hair and your face...
and all your other body parts to yourself.
If you cannot abide by this request...
we'll arrange for a nice little spot for you in Seg upon your arrival.
If you want to stay out of trouble, just avoid eye contact.
Settle down, people.
Oh, baby, I think you overshot first class.
- Jay? - No way! Spongie?
Shit, girl, you got picked up?
Yeah. Fuckin' Robbie.
- Where he at? - Not here.
Gentlemen, sit your asses in your assigned seats.
I got a seat for you, mommy.
Got it all warmed up for you.
You a bad girl, huh?
You think that Suburbs over there...
can pop her puss like a sister?
Black men get all snow-blind.
Don't know how good they got it with a cinnamon queen that knows how to handle her business.
I got plenty for you too, boo.
Mm-hmm.
Ain't that right, First Class?
You can share.
I can make you share.
Eyes front. Eyes front!
Hold up. Hold up. Let me help you.
Here.
Mmm. Thank you. I'm starving.
It's gonna be so weird gettin' fed every day.
I'm probably gonna get fat.
Hey, I see mountains! I think we're in the Midwest.
Ain't no mountains in the Midwest, dumbass.
There's plains and corn...
and a shit-ton of white people who don't vote in their best interests.
Oh, excuse me, Carmen Sandiego.
Didn't realize we had a geography expert on board.
Hell, maybe we're going to Vegas, baby.
Marshals, prepare for landing.
Chicago?
Now everyone turn around and grab your ankles.
I said turn around and grab your ankles!
If you're feeling shy...
I can set you up with a private show-and-tell...
in solitary.
Let's get those moons rising, ladies.
Line up!
Females walking. Secure the unit.
No talking.
Against the wall.
You, you, you, you. Let's go.
- 1278-1945. - That's me.
You're up here.
Unit A. Cell 21. Bunk five.
Will I be able to speak with my counselor soon?
I haven't been told why I'm here or how long I'm staying.
Have I been resentenced?
All I know, Unit A, cell 21, bunk five.
Hey!
- Step off it? - Step off what?
Oh, God!
Yeah, you better be prayin' to God about now.
Him, baby Jesus, Buddha, whoever else might look out for dumbass bitches...
don't look before they stomp.
I told you to be overly cautious today.
I said you've got to slow down in order to excel.
I told you to quit it with that cosmic voodoo shit.
Yeah, he's dead. She killed Yoda.
I'm so sorry. Was Yoda your pet or something?
He was our prize, pendeja.
I would be more than happy to replace your prize.
Oh, you think it's so simple to replace Yoda?
You owe us a motherfucking master, bitch.
Okay. What was he master of?
These nuts, uh, they train cockroaches...
to run smokes back and forth to solitary.
Most of them make it one way if they're lucky, but Yoda always came back.
He's not comin' back this time.
You guys are fuckin' with me.
Yoda brought in 200 stamps last week.
- You owe us a new Yoda or 400 stamps a week. - You said two.
Well, now we sayin' four. By week's end.
And so you know, Celi's way of collecting debt...
has not been approved by the FCC.
It's gotta be at least two inches long, but no longer than four.
- I'll do my best. - That's right, you will.
Poor little Jedi never saw it comin'.
Well, uh-
We have two bunks available.
Uh, one over Joyce, and five's over me.
- Uh, what are you assigned to? - Five.
Thankfully.
- Gemini? - How did you know?
It's a thing.
- What's your birthday? - June 7.
- What year? - 1981 .
What time were you born?
Um, I'm not sure.
Your mom never told you your birth story?
I was born in a huge snowstorm in October, which is weird for Michigan.
Muskegon.
I was born at 4:00 in the morning... on the dot.
Are there instructions for making the bed?
Have you never made a bed before?
Oh, I'm sorry. I don't- I don't watch a lot of TV.
Are you famous or something or-
- You're Lindsay Lohan. - No.
I mean for inspection. I'm Chapman.
Oh. Mazall.
So we spend all day in here together?
Uh, except meals...
and one hour a day rec time...
and one day a week in the yard.
Otherwise, home, sweet home.
Home, sweet home.
That's dinner.
Keep them blue eyes on the floor, chica.
And don’t even bother with the fast ones.
It's the slowbees who train the best.
Are they for real?
They're pretty serious about their roaches.
So leave a message after the beep.
Hey, it's me. lt's Piper.
Your name Piper?
- Yeah. - You know Snazz?
No.
Snazzy told me a story once about a girl she used to dance with named Piper.
Said she could blow out candles with her coochie.
Sorry. Different Piper.
All right.
Larry, I fucked up.
I really fucked everything up.
And not in a fun-loving, “Oh, that's so Piper” way...
wh-which I know is growing very old.
But, um...
this is serious.
And I'm-
I'm not sure it can be made right.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to have to pull you back into my Tilt-A-Whirl of a life...
but I need you to call your dad for me...
and tell him that I'm in the Metropolitan Detention Center in Chicago.
Tell him I need his help.
Please, he's gotta help get me out of here.
You guys will be “feeders?
Push the cart in, distribute the trays, push the cart out.
That's it.
The “cleaners” will do the rest.
All right, let's keep walking.
Hey, white girl, how the search comin?
There are no real contenders yet, but I remain hopeful.
Let me- tell you somethin'.
Fuckin' feds locked me up here five months now waitin' for trial.
I lost my job, my car.
I'm scraping pennies together to keep my kids in the apartment.
You know where them pennies come from?
Yodas. Gremlins.
Fred Savage the Thirds.
Now Celi over here workin' hard to get Smokie up to speed...
but it ain't goin' so well.
So how about instead of you remaining “hopeful"...
you go sit in front of that door and start grabbin' what comes under it?
I'm just supposed to grab it with my hands?
- And then what? - Deliver. I mean it.
Get on that floor, make like you one giant blonde crumb...
and grab yourself a fine “carachacha” now.
Quiet down.
Mm-hmm. That-a-girl.
Hey.
Can you call your mom?
I really need to know your time of birth.
It'll help me figure out how strong your powers of attraction are.
That's mostly for sexual partners, not insects.
A hand would be nice.
Mom, I have to tell you something.
What? Oh, good heavens.
The Neals finally decide to repaint, and they choose that color?
I've got to call Barbara.
Wait. Mom?
What?
I really want to talk to you about something I saw.
Was it worse than the Neals' puke-green house?
- Yes. - Well, that's saying something.
What is it, dear?
Well, the other day...
Sara and I went to the movies at the Suffolk.
Sara B. or Sara H.?
- Sara H. - Mmm.
Go on.
I-I saw Daddy.
Okay.
He was with someone.
A lady someone. He kissed her.
What movie did you and Sara H. see at the Suffolk?
Um, Dazed and Confused, but-
Piper Elizabeth Chapman.
You're grounded.
- What? - That is an R-rated movie, and you are not 17.
And I did not give you permission to see that movie.
H-How do you even get tickets?
You know, I don't want you hanging around with that Sarah H.
She is a bad influence.
Please put away the groceries while I call Barbara.
You know that color is actually making me feel nauseous.
I feel queasy.
Grab a coat and a hat...
if you dare.
You're feeling lucky.
You lookin' for a pet there?
Uh-
No, it- Uh, it's a long story.
Come keep warm with us.
We rotate every five minutes like penguins.
Got someplace else to be?
No.
Tina, Birdie, Elaine Toromocho...
- Chapman. - Hello.
Have a turn in the middle.
Fuckin' penguin daddies are fuckin' men.
Imagine our baby daddies stayin' in one spot.
No food, taking care of the kids for months...
all alone in the freezing cold.
No way.
But you know...
emperor penguins are set up for that, physiologically speaking.
They have short feathers and an under-layer of woolly down.
I did a report on penguins once.
Uh-huh.
But, yeah, fuckin' men.
Piper!
- How you holding up? - Uh.
Your voice annoys me. Keep walkin'.
- Fuck you. I'm saying hi to my friend. - She's your friend?
- We met on the, uh- - No, I asked you a yes-or-no question.
Hey, I wouldn't start shit with her if I was you.
She's here 'cause she killed another inmate with her bare hands.
Huh?
You did!
So you've been down before, princess?
Litchfield.
Knuckled her?
Did you get to feel the bones crack?
Yes, actually.
So, Piper, what unit you in?
Christ.
You have to take that molest-me-daddy voice...
and go someplace else right now.
Fuck you, menopause.
Fuck you, GI Jane Joe.
- Oh, that's what we're gonna do now? - Oh. We are gonna play.
Fuck off. You piece of shit! You want to get in at me?
Get you down, you bitch!
- Fuck you! - Ah! Ow!
Piper!
Against the wall! Let's go!
Piper, help!
Everybody line up! Outdoor time is over.
Let's go back to your cell.
- Get up against the wall. - Alex?
- Everyone move! - Alex!
Against the wall now!
Turn around. Come on. Show's over.
Alex!
Move up against the wall. Don't you mess around here.
You have a Mercury trine Mars...
which is a really compelling dynamic.
I wanna work your chart and get back to you, okay?
Hey.
Roaches are usually found on the ground.
I saw someone I know in the yard. I need to find her.
Uh, she might be in another unit.
We- We go out with “B” and but we only eat with
But we won't be out in the yard for another week. Do we see the other units at any other times?
We have the same rec time, but the gate pretty much keeps us separate.
Hey, did you get a chance to get your birth information?
'Cause Mercury's gonna be in retrograde soon...
and you really don't want to get caught with your pants down.
Can I have this?
Urn, that's-
Hey. Hey.
Hey, there, First Class.
I need a favor.
They said the fatties would be the ones askin' for an extra tray.
No. I need to get a note to somebody, and I'm not sure what unit she's in.
I thought maybe you could, um, pass this to her.
What does she look like?
5'9", long black hair, secretary glasses.
Her name is Alex Vause.
What are you willing to give?
A kiss?
- This is important. - I can feel that.
Okay, with my hand.
I'm a predator, bitch.
No fun if you offer.
There's nowhere for you to violently assault me in private here, so what do you want?
Your panties.
They haven't given us new ones yet.
I've been wearing these for four days.
Even better.
I'll be right back.
Alex Vause.
For a girl with a deadline, you sure got a lot of time for socializing with Gun.
- This ain't a game. - Gun?
My girl know him from the outside. He kill people for money.
- He's a hit man? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, I thought he was a rapist.
I'm so relieved.
You fuckin' weird.
Shh!
I need you to tell me what time you were born.
- I don't know. - Tell me!
11:42.
- AM or PM? - AM.
- Where? - Connecticut.
Thank you.
You know, it's surprising you're in prison.
Oh, yeah?
Typically, people in prison...
have been led astray by a powerful force.
That's not in your chart.
Bears and water, but not prison.
- You sure you gave me all the right information? - Positive.
All right. Well, I gotta reexamine this then...
because there's definitely some shit in your first and 12th houses.
Something askew in your formative years?
Were you led astray by a powerful force?
I bit my girlfriend's tongue off and swallowed it.
Well, that was the beginning of the fall.
Pretty straightforward manic-rage stuff.
Makes sense. Aries rising.
- - Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude. I gotta go.
I'm likin' that hustle!
Alex. Alex.
Alex, what are you doing here? Were you there?
Did you see us? She's dead.
- I killed her, didn't I? She's dead. - Whoa. Whoa.
Killed who? What are you talking about?
- Pennsatucky. - What?
Pennsatucky's not dead.
You fucked her up pretty good...
but that piece of shit is very much alive.
- You know that for sure? - I work in the laundry.
Every day there's a fucking progress report on “Tucky.”
Pipes, you are many things. Murderess is not one of them.
Oh, my God. Je- I didn't kill her?
- I didn't kill her. - No. Congratulations.
So what are you doing here? What am I doing here?
For the trial, dumbass.
Trial? What fucking trial?
Kubra's. He's been extradited.
So that means that all of this is only temporary?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I'm so relieved.
I mean, I knew-I knew I went a little crazy while I was in the SHU...
but, man, coming in here and not knowing, but thinking-
I was really on the brink.
You hate me. In all of this shit, I forgot that you hate me.
But you're talking to me.
So does this mean you don't hate me anymore?
It means that I'm not holding grudges today.
I'm happy to see you.
No touching!
Ooh! Alex, get that!
- What? - Get that bug.
Oh, it's a slow one, and it's a big one.
Alex, it's a biggie-slow.
Come on. It might be Yoda.
Jesus Christ. The SHU really did do a number on you.
Oh, right. I owe my bunkie, who takes four shits a day-
yes, four, out in the open-
I owe her a cigarette-toting roach or she's gonna sic tattoo-face on me.
When is the trial?
Now, I guess. They can call us at any minute.
Listen.
We cannot say that we knew Kubra.
What?
Revenge is part of his business model, okay?
Sick, deep revenge.
Disassociate. You never knew him. You never fuckin' met him.
Wh- That means lying under oath.
Jesus. It is so hard to keep up with what's black-and-white with you.
Kubra is never going down for this.
There is no justice, Piper. Don't you know that by now?
So we will lie to protect ourselves.
Or I will. And I hope you do too.
Did you know my dad cheats on my mom?
No. How do you know that?
I saw him kiss another woman...
and then they got in a car together.
Yeah, he's pretty much a big hypocrite.
- Oh, big word. - Just learned it.
And then I told my mom, and she got mad at me.
I got grounded.
Oh, well, now. If you really think about it...
could you imagine your mom having any other reaction?
- No. Not really. - Mmm.
Are you saying I should have shut up?
He's a cheater. That's wrong!
Sometimes it's not a matter of right and wrong.
It's about making a choice that will cause the least amount of pain to others.
Keeping things to yourself...
sitting on information and feelings and living with your secrets.
- That sounds horrible. - Oh, it is, dear.
- Um, Grandma? - Yes, Cal?
I was trying to launch Whiskers up into outer space...
and now my room is kind of on fire.
Mmm.
Wow.
Decent coffee runs a close second to what I miss most.
Larry.
Larry is what I miss most.
Larry's a who, not a what.
Look, Piper, I've come here as your lawyer...
and I think it's best if we just stick to the case.
How was Hanukkah?
Is Aunt Joanie still with the talker?
Forty-five minutes I heard about diseased cows on dairy farms...
the horrors of genetic engineering...
and the overuse of antibiotics in cattle.
Lesson being, he takes his coffee black.
All right, Kubra Balik...
the big jewel in your drug ring, was extradited from Europe to stand trial.
Prosecution needs to nail down his timeline.
They're looking for testimony that helps do that.
Did you ever meet, uh, Kubra Balik?
It was a confusing time.
I-I-I'm sure, but my question is pretty straightforward.
Did you ever meet Kubra Balik?
Yeah.
Yes. I knew him.
In what capacity?
Were you aware of his role in the ring?
Did you hear him give orders? These are the questions the prosecution's...
going to be drilling you on before you testify.
Yes. But what about my safety if I testify?
This guy is the real deal.
And from what I've seen on The Sopranos...
these types do not take too kindly to those that they consider traitors.
They hire killers with underwear fetishes to take them out.
They've been working on this case for five years.
Spent hundreds of thousands of dollars.
I'm sure you, for one, can attest to how little the feds like to spend money.
Mmm.
Mr. Balik is a very bad man...
who's going away for a long, long time.
Lying is not an option.
Do you always tell the truth?
Sometimes when they ask if I want to donate a dollar for heart disease...
I'll say I already gave, but mostly, yes, I tell the truth.
Hmm.
Telling the truth wasn't much of a priority in my family.
You know, as long as everybody smiled pretty for the Christmas picture...
lie it up.
I wouldn't carry on your family tradition here.
This is about crime and punishment and justice.
You need to tell the truth.
Yes.
Of course.
Good.
Let's go meet the prosecutors.
Can I bring my coffee?
One and three-quarters.
- No good. - This is bullshit.
I got grilled all day and all night...
and still I brought back a bug for you.
A prosecutor trapped that between a file and a coffee cup...
and I carried it back in my bra.
You guys are full of shit.
There's no roach business.
I'm done. Fuck you.
We heard what you done back at Litchfield.
- Don't think that scares us any. - That's right.
You, one.
Me?
- Thirteen. - Mmm.
Chapman. You're going to court.
Don't think this gets you off the hook.
We'll be waitin'.
I don't know if I can do it.
- What? - My lawyer said Kubra's going away no matter what.
Did you not hear everything I said?
When you told me that nothing bad was gonna happen?
How long have you been holding on to that one?
We have got to go in united on this.
It'll be a red flag if you say you knew him and I say I don't.
They'll know that I'm lying.
Maybe we should both just be honest.
This is-
This is not the time to take some moral high ground.
You know, I only seem to be faced with these extreme moral choices...
when I am with you.
Exciting, right?
Look, I wish I could do this all over again...
but I can't, okay?
This is the only way I can keep you safe now.
You have to do what I'm telling you.
Or what?
We're over?
No.
I want to be your prison wife.
I'm glad you can make jokes.
Alex...
I need to do the right thing for a change.
I have to.
And truthfully, you-
you can't keep me safe either way.
Left hand, please. Raise your right.
Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth...
and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
I do.
Thank you. All right, we can begin.
Will you state your full name for the court, please?
Piper Elizabeth Chapman.
Thank you.
Ms. Chapman, you are currently serving a 15-month sentence...
in a federal penitentiary for crimes associated with Mr. Kubra Balik...
is that correct?
Yes, that's correct.
And when were these crimes committed?
Crime. It was just one crime.
In 2003.
Right. And can you explain to me how you came to be associated...
with Mr. Balik's drug ring?
My girlfriend at the time, Alex.
Is that Ms. Alex Vause?
Yes.
Are you two still a couple?
No.
But in 2003, how would you describe the relationship?
We were together.
She was the love of my life.
And was it Ms. Vause...
who introduced you to Mr. Balik?
I don't recall.
I see.
Uh, someone else made the introduction?
I don't recall.
Are you saying you never met Mr. Balik?
Not that I can recall.
Ms. Chapman, your girlfriend...
Ms. Vause...
was one of Mr. Balik's most profitable traffickers.
Were you aware of that?
We didn't discuss her business much.
But you must have been aware of her success.
You- You traveled together...
to Bali, Brussels, Paris, Turkey, Greece...
all in the span of one year.
We traveled a lot.
And never in that time...
did she introduce you to her boss, Kubra Balik?
Not that I can recall.
Ms. Chapman...
you are aware of the consequences of lying under oath?
Yes, of course.
And your responses remain the same?
I was there for Alex.
She was what I paid attention to.
Who I paid attention to.
Everything else was just...
background.
I'm sorry that I can't help you more.
Prosecution has completed examination with this witness.
Since I'm not a half-wit like my son...
I don't have to bother asking why you did that.
I guess the possibility of added time...
or resentencing on new charges...
just isn't that big a deal for you.
I'm sorry I disappointed you.
Dis- Disappointed me?
You broke the law! Again.
I made a decision that I don't expect you to understand.
Well, I'm done.
You live on this slippery slope, kid...
and for some reason, you can't seem to stop doing rain dances.
Good luck, honey.
You let me down. You were a letdown.
It was 3:00 AM.
I think that anything after 2:00, it's like, you're not bailing.
You're just tired.
- But you missed the live sex show. - Mmm.
- And the flamingos. - Oh, the flamingos!
That's right! There were flamingos!
Kubra had a front row seat to both.
- Uh-huh. - So much pink.
God.
- Mmm. - Huh?
I think it's time for me to go call my dad.
On, tell Bill I said happy birthday.
You don't exist, remember?
That's right. I'm the invisible woman.
Maybe I should switch careers and become a jewel thief.
Steal me something good.
Yes, all good. But what about you? How was your day?
Oh, it was nice. Nothing crazy.
Morn and I went out to dinner. How about you? You still in Barcelona?
No, we're in Paris now.
Oh, that's exciting, honey.
But please tell me you’re not staying in youth hostels.
- I'm happy to wire you money. - Don't worry.
Polly has relatives here, and they're letting us stay with them.
It's beautiful, and it's safe.
It's on the right bank.
Better than the wrong bank.
Ha-ha, Dad.
So you're loving it?
You girls are getting along?
Well, I mean, you know how Polly is.
Yesterday she had us scheduled from morning until midnight.
You know if it's late, you need to take a taxi, right?
Yes.
And always walk on the well-lit side of the street...
and hold on to my wallet, and don't jump out of the back of buses.
You taught me everything, Dad.
You're a good girl.
Thanks, Dad.
I gotta go.
Happy birthday, Daddy.
Thanks, baby.
Thanks for calling.
Alex!
- Alex, I did what you said. - Listen, Piper.
Everything just happened so fast.
What's going on?
I had to tell the truth.
- My lawyer said- - Are you kidding?
- Piper, you don't understand. - Are you-
Are you fuckin' kidding me? Where are you going?
- Are you getting out? - I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Piper!
- I'll write you. I need to explain. - You're getting out!
Wait. What? What the fuck did you do, Alex?
What the fuck did you do?
Fuck you, Alex! Fuck you!
Ripped By mstoll