1 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:17,639 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA www.PSArips.com 2 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:26,959 Thank you so much. 3 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:31,309 Where in the Nativity story are we supposed to fit a juggler? 4 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,595 You said you'd keep an open mind. 5 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,877 There are more ways to celebrate the birth of Christ besides singin' Joy to the World. 6 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:38,189 Ladies. 7 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:41,033 After the auditions, I was planning to leave the show in your hands. 8 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:44,470 But if you can't get along, I will take it back and the pageant will be two carols, 9 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,120 the lady who juggles, and good night. 10 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,119 We'll be fine. 11 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,997 Of course, Chaplain. 12 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,475 Who's next? 13 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,914 So a penguin and a farmer walk into a bar... 14 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,119 This is a duck. 15 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,315 This is a dolphin. 16 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,473 This is a goose. 17 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:23,639 Hark the Herald angels sing 18 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,554 Glory to the newborn King 19 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,990 Tidings of comfort and joy Comfort and... 20 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:36,752 Joy to the world, the Lord has come 21 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,599 Here we go. 22 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:09,830 Dashin ' through the snow In a one horse open sleigh 23 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:13,748 O 'er the fields we go Laughin ' all the way 24 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:19,033 Go, tell it on the mountain 25 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,954 Over the hills and everywhere 26 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,953 Go. Go, tell it on the mountain... 27 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,230 Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. 28 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:47,749 Don't forget Kwanzaa. 29 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,190 Watch out, old Jesus is back! 30 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:54,429 Black Cindy! 31 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,474 I can sing, too. You know, in addition to the ice skating. 32 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:06,358 And so the penguin says, "Dude, he's not an eggplant, he's retarded." 33 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,757 It lost me at the umbrellas. 34 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:20,075 "Be not afraid, for behold, I bring good tidings of great joy." 35 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:21,475 Thank you, Doggett. 36 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:26,033 I assume by your choice of material, you're interested in the part of an angel? 37 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,468 Yes, ma'am. That's correct, 38 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,393 because last year I was up on this stage as the ox, 39 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,596 and the year before that I was the ass. 40 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,318 And so, I dunno about y'all, but I'm really startin' 41 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,516 to feel like you're tryin' to assassinate my character. 42 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:40,229 'Cause I know that I am ready to shine my light for the shepherds 43 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:45,872 and announce across the land the miracle of baby Jesus Christ. 44 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,949 Mr. Healy, I know that I said a lot of things. 45 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,112 -What do you want, Chapman? -I need a marriage request form. 46 00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:01,588 You need a form and my approval, which you don't have. 47 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:02,829 Please, Mr. Healy. 48 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,512 Marriage is a privilege. 49 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,670 You are not entitled to it. 50 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:13,359 And to use one of your own delightful phrases, "Go fuck yourself." 51 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,519 Yup. 52 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:31,875 What part of "out of the kitchen effective immediately" did you not understand? 53 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,669 Without my produce order, I have to re-plan the whole holiday menu. 54 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,957 I can't sit on the bench all day while you play out this little power trip. 55 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,031 We'll all be eating sardines for Christmas. 56 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,111 You're gonna be eating prison loaf 57 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:46,590 when I drag you to Seg by that purple pelt on your head. 58 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,556 Now, have some self-respect and don't make me do it. 59 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:54,638 It feels serious in here. 60 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,473 It smells good, though. What kind of soup is that? 61 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,915 Navy bean. I'll save you a bowl. 62 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,953 Gloria, you are reassigned to the kitchen. 63 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:09,391 Head cook, queen bee. You start now. 64 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:13,875 Can I bring my people? 65 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,999 Whatever you need to do. Get the forms from O'Neill. 66 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,436 This is bullshit and you know it. 67 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,670 This whole place will fall apart when I'm gone. 68 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:23,988 Let's go. 69 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:32,638 No, originally from Poughkeepsie, well, outside of Poughkeepsie. 70 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:33,755 Go on. 71 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:34,955 So, after the tragedy with Miller, 72 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,594 I was determined to find out if drugs were in fact coming into the prison. 73 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,069 I thought... I had a hunch. 74 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,515 So when the vegetable truck pulled up, I went through the boxes. 75 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:43,868 Let me stop you there. 76 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,430 So, you went through the boxes before they actually came onto the property? 77 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,158 That's correct. At the gate. 78 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:52,557 So you didn't find drugs in the kitchen or on prison grounds? 79 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,275 No, ma'am, the pills were in a box of cabbage, 80 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:56,713 and I brought them straight to Caputo. 81 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:57,789 Okay. 82 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,115 Well, Bennett. 83 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:01,995 John? 84 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:03,915 Yeah. 85 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:10,320 John, your intentions were so good here, 86 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,078 but from what you're telling me, 87 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,715 Neptune's Produce didn't bring drugs into the prison. 88 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,074 You did. 89 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,472 What are you talkin' about? 90 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:24,553 You just said that you found the drugs in the cabbage 91 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,677 before the truck pulled onto the campus, 92 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,075 and then you brought them to Caputo. 93 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,151 -That's right, but... -John, 94 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,317 you are one of the good guys. I know that. 95 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,995 So, I want to protect you. 96 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:42,117 I think it's best if you don't fill out a report on this. 97 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,555 But they were going to the kitchen. 98 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:45,914 It's not like the truck was making stops 99 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,831 between the front gate and the loading dock. 100 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,109 We don't know that. 101 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,836 -Of course we do. -Bennett, 102 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,517 I am so impressed by how you've handled things. 103 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:59,078 And you know what? I am going to authorize incentive pay. 104 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,835 That's an extra $1 30 a month. 105 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,513 -Thank you, but... -Now... 106 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:09,109 You go do your job and let me take it from here. 107 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,468 Okay, John? 108 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,510 -Howard, Larry's here! -Hey, Pop. 109 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:16,789 You want a cup of decaf? 110 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,031 I have this vanilla coconut creamer I put in. It's delicious. I'll make you one. 111 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,155 Thanks, Ma. 112 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,718 You read about this Google Glass thing? We're gonna all look like cyborgs. 113 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,595 Cyborgs? Aren't those your neighbors down in Florida? 114 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:29,472 So, to what do we owe this pleasure? 115 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,269 I went to the movies on 86th, so, I was nearby. 116 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,793 -Anything good? -Nah. 117 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:37,759 My friends loved your radio thing. Everyone was talking about it at mahjong. 118 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,718 Did Piper enjoy it? I never got the full report from you. 119 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,798 She had some issues with it. 120 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,758 But, we talked them through. 121 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,957 And then we kept talking and at the end of our talk, 122 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,640 we decided that we were gonna get married right away. 123 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,514 While she's still in there. As soon as possible. 124 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,073 So... 125 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:03,674 That's really the full report, since you asked. 126 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,990 I think this is the longest you two have ever been silent. 127 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,752 Why are you rushing this? 128 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,348 I want to start my life, Ma. 129 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:19,553 I want to know that we are committed and that our commitment is taken seriously. 130 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,631 So, take it seriously. You need a paper for that? 131 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,389 You've known we were getting married, Dad. This is not new information. 132 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,199 The point is that Piper is spending a year in an institution. 133 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,635 You can't tell what she's gonna be like when she gets out. 134 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:33,315 Or when she gets out, for that matter. Things are arbitrary in there. 135 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,198 You give someone the wrong look on the wrong day... 136 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,271 Why don't you just wait and see how things turn out? 137 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,675 Yeah, if you meet someone else in the meantime, you'll have... 138 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,878 I don't want to wait and see. I don't want to meet anyone else, okay? 139 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,997 I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. 140 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,638 In all her ways. 141 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:54,550 She's had some interesting ways so far. Girl ways. Boy ways. Drug ways. 142 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:55,755 Ma! 143 00:09:56,080 --> 00:10:00,198 I get it, Larry, she's a natural blonde. She's exotic for you. 144 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:04,435 But exotic is for pets and vacations, it's not for making a life. 145 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,198 You think I'm that shallow? I know her. 146 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:12,512 She is exciting, I'll give you that, but does she share your values? 147 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:13,908 Will she be a good mother? 148 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,798 Does she make you feel good about yourself? 149 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:18,355 I think so. 150 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:22,075 -Why, you can't remember? -Yes, she does. Of course she does. 151 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:27,119 Look, we've been together a long time. We're invested. 152 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,312 Are you calculating your opportunity costs or are you discussing love here? 153 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,789 Why don't you just wait until she gets out? 154 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,753 See if you're still compatible. Spend some time. 155 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,398 Larry, why are you in such a hurry? 156 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,199 It's not like she's going anywhere. 157 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,191 What, are you afraid she's gonna meet someone else? 158 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,715 Well, if it isn't the invisible woman. 159 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,588 One intense talk about the future and you disappear on me. 160 00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:00,357 Not a shocker, but I had gotten my hopes up. 161 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:05,832 I'm getting married. 162 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,353 You've been getting married since before you got here. 163 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:11,518 This is not news. 164 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,518 Say what you really mean. 165 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,239 I pick him. I pick Larry. 166 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,392 Of course you do. 167 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,397 I love you, too. 168 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,756 But we both know I don't have the balls to free fall through life with you. 169 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,637 No. You don't. 170 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,350 At least I made a decision, right? 171 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,434 Aren't you proud of me? 172 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,114 Piper... 173 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,149 Fuck you. 174 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:56,998 -Alex... -Listen... 175 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,313 Yes. 176 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,273 You have made a decision. 177 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,388 So here is what it means going forward. 178 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:12,312 You may not come running to me again. Not with your problems. 179 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,198 Not with your love. 180 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,352 Not with your need or sadness or anger, 181 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:22,115 or even your laundry when it's not specifically your laundry day. 182 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,320 You may never come to me again. 183 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,394 Ever. 184 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,390 Well, what do you know? 185 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:47,999 Jesus. What are you doing here? 186 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,714 Relax, man. Just here to get my paycheck, shit. 187 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:52,279 It's nice to see you, too, buddy. 188 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,271 Sorry. I'm just... It's a surprise, I mean. 189 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,119 Spit it out. Have you seen her? 190 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,839 You gave her my note, right? I wrote her a letter, didn't put my name on it. 191 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,512 But she'll know who it's from. She say anything? 192 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,113 -Who? -Who? 193 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,988 My girl, man! Fuck! God, I can't keep my brain off of her! 194 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,469 What do you think you're gonna do about that? 195 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:12,797 Man's greatest struggle in life is to find a woman who's sexy 196 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,518 but, like, still could be a mom. 197 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,158 She's that, Benny. 198 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,152 I feel like she could be the one. 199 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,669 You know, I see myself buying sheets with her. 200 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,512 Taking trips to Mount Rushmore. 201 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:24,595 That's great. 202 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,671 She's got these lips, Jesus! 203 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,398 I had no idea. I always dated women with thin lips. 204 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:29,833 It's a fucking revelation. 205 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,279 Isn't something on the record with you guys now? 206 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:32,713 I mean, how does that play out? 207 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,114 I dunno, but whatever it is, she's worth it. 208 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,509 Hey, if you get any info, intel, insight, fucking call me, all right? 209 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,591 -Happy holidays, man. -Hey, what about your paycheck? 210 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,676 You know your lines yet for the pageant? 211 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:47,391 I dunno. 'Cause I can't concentrate with Satan's Girl Scout skipping around. 212 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:53,796 I was a Girl Scout. Troop 247. They taught us how to use tampons. 213 00:13:56,120 --> 00:14:00,557 You are still on probationary term, Leanne. 214 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:05,316 Don't be talking about tampons while I'm sittin' here plottin' my revenge. Thanks. 215 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,039 Okay, I figured it out. 216 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,190 She don't need God. That was a misinterpretation. 217 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,158 I went back to my book to find some answers. 218 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,071 I needed a clear answer. 219 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,516 Luke, 1 9:27, Jesus said, 220 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:23,310 "But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, 221 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:27,109 "bring hither, and slay them before me." 222 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,197 And I found it. I found it. I turned right to the page. 223 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:35,068 Now if that ain't a sign, I don't know what is. 224 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,829 Is it just me, or are these eggs, like, extra spicy? 225 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,478 My mouth is on fire. 226 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:48,113 Okay, so, for Secret Santa, 227 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:52,631 I've got you guys, Red, Norma, Gina, I'm putting Alex in. 228 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,993 Think we should ask Chapman? 229 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,554 I think she'd give good gifts. 230 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:01,230 Come on, you guys, Secret Santa is supposed to be like family. 231 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,158 What, you honestly think Chapman and Vause are family? 232 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:08,956 Well, I think it's nice. We don't have Mercy anymore. And Tricia. 233 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,917 Let's throw 'em in. Expand the circle. It's fucking Christmas. 234 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,952 All right. All right. Hey, you gonna finish those eggs... 235 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:24,272 No! No! You can't have these. They're good this morning. 236 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,835 Do not say that to Red. Whatever you do. 237 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,469 As far as we're concerned, breakfast was a mess, capisce?. 238 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,039 Yeah. Of course. 239 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,395 Sure. But when she gets back in the kitchen, 240 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,152 could you ask her to make the eggs like this? 241 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,390 Because they are delicious. 242 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,831 You're both asking for fuckin' trouble. 243 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:47,439 Chapman, hello. Happy holidays. 244 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,039 Happy holidays. 245 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:54,393 You are a first time offender with a short sentence, and you're white. 246 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,749 Which means there are a lot of programs here that you probably are not aware of, 247 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,956 because you're lucky enough not to need them. 248 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,109 I'm sure. 249 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,599 Like the GED program. 250 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,513 We've allocated some funds to bring that back in the new year. 251 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,358 Well, that's great to hear. 252 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,235 I don't personally care for talk radio. 253 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:15,074 The incessant chatting gives me a migraine, but some people do, 254 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:20,360 and apparently, some of these little shows have fans that write articles. 255 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,671 This is about Larry's radio thing. 256 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:27,236 Yeah. I believe he got some of the facts wrong. 257 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,635 But, you know, it's not a news story. 258 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:34,953 It's more like storytelling. 259 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,190 -Did you listen to it? -No. 260 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,150 So, here's what I need from you. 261 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,869 On the off chance that there's a follow-up storytelling, 262 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:49,715 it would be great if your husband could be better informed 263 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,109 about all we're trying to accomplish here. 264 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,753 Here's a list. 265 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:02,759 Of course. 266 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,350 I would be happy to make sure he's up to speed. 267 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,552 I mean, that would only serve all of us, right? 268 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:11,995 That's right. 269 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:16,312 But, you know, I'm not the only one who's been talking to Larry. 270 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,550 Counselor Healy has spoken with him. 271 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,155 Why was Healy speaking to your husband? 272 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:25,559 He called to tell him I was having a lesbian affair with another inmate. 273 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:29,271 -Good Christ. -No, no, that's okay. 274 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,797 It's probably just another case of misinformation. 275 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:36,788 What's your angle, Chapman? 276 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:41,198 You know, you keep referring to Larry as my husband? 277 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,437 But we're not married yet. Though we do hope to be. 278 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:48,510 So, that means, I need a marriage request form, 279 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,751 and, of course, your approval. 280 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:58,393 And I would be happy to make sure that my new husband 281 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:05,155 is up to speed with all of the great work you're doing here at Litchfield. 282 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,478 I am sure we could arrange something. 283 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:21,313 All of us in the kitchen, making tamales. Almost feels like Christmas at home. 284 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:28,748 Please, speak English. 285 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,637 How about you learn Spanish? 286 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,911 In my family, it's Cousin Frankie. Fuckin' perv. 287 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,197 My mother hit him with a brick when he messed with my niece once. 288 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,913 Now half his face is kinda sunk in. Serves him right. 289 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:48,358 My daughter's with my cousin at some marimacha collective she's part of. 290 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:50,548 Not a dick for miles. 291 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,673 -You ain't worried they'll turn her gay? -She's a baby. 292 00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,991 I'll get her back before she knows anything. 293 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,832 Immigration! Hands where I can see 'em. 294 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,193 Funny, cabrona. 295 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,033 Hey, the Squirrel and the Silent One nearby? 296 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,158 Out back. But not too long, 'cause they got work to do. 297 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,349 All right. 298 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:23,229 Hey, hey, Tweedles, time to draw your names for Secret Santa. 299 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,993 Now, Norma, I'll remind you again, it's a secret, 300 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,877 so don't go blabbing all over camp. 301 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,594 If you pick your own name, just put it back and pull again. 302 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,029 Really? 303 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:37,955 You seen Red? 304 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,077 No, not yet. How's she doing? 305 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,317 She wouldn't leave the cube this morning. She won't show up for work. 306 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,709 I said, "They're gonna throw you in the SHU if you don't go to work," 307 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,870 but then she gave me that look that makes my ass leak. 308 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,276 I am familiar with that look. 309 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,998 You gotta talk to her. 310 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,632 And what am I supposed to say? That it's all gonna be okay? 311 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,072 She's a very bright woman. She knows how fucked she is. 312 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:06,353 Please, Nicky. She's really not in a good way. 313 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:11,999 I'll see what I can do. 314 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:16,992 Diaz got an interesting one. 315 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,752 Mom Diaz or daughter Diaz? 316 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,159 Daughter. 317 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,636 "Dayanara, I think of your body all the time. 318 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,788 "I'll be doing something else, something normal, like driving my car 319 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:33,558 "or making spaghetti, and then I see you there in my brain, naked. 320 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,991 "I can barely write this letter I get so turned on. 321 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:43,428 "You cast a spell on me. And, baby, I hope that spell is never undone. 322 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,511 "Until we see each other again." 323 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:49,633 Signed, "Hot for you." But with the number four. 324 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,069 Poor schmuck. 325 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,390 Guess he doesn't know Mendez stuck it in her. 326 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,158 And what's the latest with that? 327 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:56,389 So far just a suspension. 328 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,118 Captain's not saying anything about it, though. 329 00:20:58,360 --> 00:20:59,554 And he won't. Watch. 330 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,710 Diaz'll get transferred and Mendez will be back. 331 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,839 They love that sadistic fuck. You just gotta let the jizz settle first. 332 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:11,309 Hey, check this out. Vause got one from Chapman's fiancé. 333 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,198 Scandal! 334 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:17,912 He's asking, will she add him to her visitation list? 335 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,831 "We need to talk," he says. 336 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,512 You think they're conspiring on something? 337 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,113 Yeah. A threesome. 338 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,311 Been thinkin' about that, have you? Chapman and Vause? 339 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,195 I'm not saying something we don't all know. 340 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:42,870 There she is. And standing up! I heard you'd gone horizontal. 341 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,629 I'm not here. I'm outside raking dirt somewhere. 342 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:48,193 You don't see me. 343 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,193 All right. You gotta pick your name for the Secret Santa. 344 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,478 Not this year, Nicky. I'm not in the mood. 345 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,200 Come on, Red. You love Christmas. 346 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,636 Your sons come up, I mean, with their big-haired wives. 347 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,359 I can't wait to see what Sparkle Tits wears this year. 348 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,789 Sparkle Tits and Yuri have split. 349 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,794 She took the kids and the tits and the guinea pig 350 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,518 and moved to Sheepshead Bay. 351 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,119 So, how was breakfast? 352 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,389 Spicy. And my potatoes were cold. 353 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,711 But it wasn't a disaster? 354 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,075 I heard that someone found a long black hair in her eggs, 355 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:31,792 but it went unconfirmed. 356 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,595 What? Should we have gone on a hunger strike? 357 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,075 They all work in kitchens now, don't they? 358 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:44,039 They pop out of a trunk of a car and learn to fry an egg. God bless America. 359 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:48,551 You can't blame Gloria. She's just trying to make the best of a bad situation. 360 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:52,196 Fucking Mendez. This is not how it was supposed to go. 361 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:55,113 None of this is how it's supposed to go. 362 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,956 You're tougher than woodpecker lips. You'll be okay. 363 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,593 Here. Just get whoever it is something nice. 364 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,429 It's good karma. Sometimes that shit comes back around. 365 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,194 All clear! 366 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,476 Heard you broke up with your girl. 367 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,557 Wow. Twitter's got nothing on prison. 368 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,279 You feel bad? 369 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:36,837 I feel like I did what I needed to do. 370 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,075 -She mad? -Yep. 371 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,549 Mad enough to leave a dead rat on your locker? 372 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:43,789 What? 373 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,948 What the fuck? No, no, no, she didn't do that. 374 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,634 Do you think that that thing just crawled up here and died? 375 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,115 No. This a message rat. 376 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,317 Someone say they gonna kill you. Say it right here. 377 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:04,712 See, they meant "you're," apostrophe R-E. As in, you are gonna die. 378 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,268 But this some ignorant bitch-ass shit. 379 00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:08,952 What's an Amalekite? 380 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,953 I think it's some Bible stuff. Hey, yo, Black Cindy. Come here. 381 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,878 Stuff. I bet this was that crazy fucking hillbilly. 382 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,115 What's up? 383 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,714 -You was raised in the church, right? -I was, 384 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,193 but like my daddy say... 385 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:29,310 The Lord don't take the wuzzers into the kingdom 386 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:33,712 He take the izzers Yeah! 387 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,677 So what's an Amalekite? 388 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:39,669 Amalekite? 389 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,469 They real baddies in the Bible. Attackin' everybody. 390 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,438 Preying on the weak and shit. A war tribe. 391 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:51,351 In Samuel, God told Saul to kill 'em all. 392 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,796 Utterly destroy them motherfuckers. That what God say. 393 00:24:55,880 --> 00:25:01,830 Even the babies. Even the cows. They so bad their cows had to die. 394 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:03,628 Say anything about rats? 395 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:05,668 No. 396 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,675 Okay, this is nuts. 397 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:09,875 It is. 398 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,639 I have to tell someone. 399 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:15,711 Right. 'Cause COs love trouble. 400 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:20,631 Man, you say something, they gonna put you in Seg "for your own protection," 401 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,472 just so they ain't gotta deal. 402 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:27,634 True, true. You gotta handle this yourself. Straight up. Cut. 403 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:30,435 Well, what am I supposed to do? 404 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,676 Kill that motherfucker. Out. 405 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,152 I seen dead everything. 406 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,117 Did you explain to her about the inventory? 407 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,879 That protein order has to last into next month. 408 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,599 I'll come back and there will be nothing but scraps for me to work with. 409 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,079 They all talk Spanish when we're around. 410 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,191 Listen, Jesus. 411 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:55,797 She may have fed a quinceañera or two, but this will catch up with her soon enough. 412 00:25:55,880 --> 00:26:00,510 Feeding an entire prison population day in and day out is a whole other pot of fish stew 413 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:04,115 and when she starts to drown in it, we'll be the ones who will pay the price. 414 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,630 It'll take us weeks to put everything back into working order. 415 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,111 This is what I need you to do. 416 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,911 Speed up the inevitable. 417 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:18,068 Overcook, over-salt. We need the inmates to revolt. 418 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,156 Red, we're on the B-team. 419 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,151 We don't go anywhere near food prep anymore. 420 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,595 She's got us stacking boxes, serving... 421 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,191 Well, start serving very slowly then. 422 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:31,432 The meal times will be all screwed up. It'll throw the whole camp off. 423 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,395 Yeah, I don't know. I mean, she runs a pretty tight ship, right, Norma? 424 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:39,109 -I don't think we'll get away with it. -Don't think, Gina. Just do it. 425 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,312 You want to be stacking boxes for the rest of your stay? 426 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:46,598 You listen to what I'm telling you, you need to fuck with that kitchen. 427 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:47,715 You fuck with this kitchen, 428 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,950 I'll have you outta here so fast you'll think your ass grew wheels. 429 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,393 Hey, we just wanna do a good job. 430 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,835 Yeah? Then why you in here sniffin' around the dry goods 431 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,150 when I asked you to wipe down the service station? 432 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:01,119 Yeah, yeah, yeah, mira, I got four kids, I know every trick there is. 433 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,633 Now, I kept you here 'cause you know your shit. 434 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,436 It's not your fault that Red lost the kitchen. 435 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,552 But we all know this is one of the good jobs. 436 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:12,916 Don't let Red take you down with her. 437 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:16,999 Vamos, let's go. 438 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,436 Maybe she's just trying to engage me. 439 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:23,109 She says that thing about the Amalekites, piques my interest, 440 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:26,192 and then she can get me to go to Bible study group. 441 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:28,914 She's a weird girl. 442 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:33,397 Yeah. "You gonna die" was really vague. Like, totally open to interpretation. 443 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,951 You know that tweakhead is coming for you, you better prepare. 444 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:41,795 All right, listen, chick steps up, kick her straight in the cooch. 445 00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,031 Hurts just as much on girls as it do on guys. 446 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:47,629 Yeah, yeah, but if you punchin', you go for the nose. 447 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,073 You know what I mean? 448 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,550 I still say the pookacha. Shot to the twat. 449 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,949 Yo! Then, when she doubled over, elbow straight to the back. Like... 450 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,435 -Bitch out! -What? Gone! 451 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,314 Okay, come on, you guys, come on! 452 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,789 With Red, I just had to come up with a creative solution. 453 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:10,632 So, maybe we should think along those lines. 454 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:16,955 Figure out something she really needs. What is something that she really needs? 455 00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:18,349 New teeth! 456 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,715 -This is jacked up! Bitches in heat. -Yo. 457 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,871 -He's in love with you. -What are you talking about? 458 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,076 Mendez. He's madly in love with you. 459 00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:37,512 Clearly you gave an amazing performance, because the man is head over heels. 460 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,079 Unless it wasn't a performance. 461 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,037 -You think I liked it? -I don't know. 462 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,879 All I know is that he sure did and I had to hear all about it, 463 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:45,598 and now I can barely look at you. 464 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,433 John, it's our baby. 465 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,592 Well, it can go live with George. 466 00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:52,392 -Who's George? -Mendez! 467 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,032 He'll think it's his love child anyway. 468 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:04,596 I'll ask him to get a DNA test. 469 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:05,954 Then they'll fire me. 470 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,868 They're not gonna know it's yours. They'll just know it's not his. 471 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,157 Then Cesar will pick it up from the hospital and he'll bring it to you. 472 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:14,275 If the test proves it's not his, 473 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,316 they're gonna want to know how you got pregnant in prison, 474 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:20,479 and then we're back to where we started. Daya, it was a bad plan. 475 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:22,398 And you had sex with him. 476 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,712 John, I love you. 477 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:34,116 I hate him. I only love you. You gotta know that. 478 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:35,994 I can't do this. 479 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:37,229 What... 480 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:39,479 You missed a spot. 481 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:49,911 Come on, Lorna, tell us who you got! 482 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,593 No! It's a secret! 483 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:53,429 Some secret. 484 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:57,678 You just got finished asking me what my favorite color is and if my feet get cold. 485 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:05,073 If I was making you slippers, which I am not, I wouldn't be anymore. 486 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:08,948 So, you just get used to having cold feet that ain't magenta! 487 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,038 Wow. Please start fucking her again. 488 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,350 Yeah, you only get one chance to break my heart. 489 00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,393 Hey, remember that, Vause. 490 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:24,469 Such self-restraint. It's impressive for a junkie. 491 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:26,991 Well, yeah, that's with drugs. 492 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:28,115 Look, you gotta remember, 493 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,794 I had a mom who sent me to overnight camp when I was three. 494 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,553 I have mastered the art of shutting people off. 495 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:36,517 Yeah, maybe I should go into training with you. 496 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,359 What, Chapman? 497 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:43,792 Sucks. I'm sorry, kid. I know she got to you. 498 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:48,713 Hey, how about we both say a little prayer that she gets fat 499 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,711 and stops shaving her legs? 500 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:53,549 Done. 501 00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:58,235 Look. 502 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:06,793 From your son? Sophia, I'm so happy for you. 503 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,360 Look, he didn't write anything else. 504 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:14,752 But that's his signature. My wife didn't fake-sign it for him this time. 505 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:17,554 So that's something, right? 506 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:22,754 That's something. I just wish he'd talk to me. 507 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,473 He's starting to. 508 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,917 Sisters. You all sure about this part for me? 509 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,670 Have faith, dear. Your voice resonates. 510 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:40,032 Yeah. You right. I should just put the past behind me. 511 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,272 No way that could happen again. 512 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,269 Alex. 513 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:05,069 Yeah? 514 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,797 You're tall. 515 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:11,833 I've been told. 516 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:29,831 Sorry, this is... 517 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,471 Had so many things planned to say to you, but now I... 518 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,675 I'm just picturing you... 519 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,193 Got you all flustered? 520 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:41,833 You got me pissed off. 521 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:46,438 How many times do you think you can come around and fuck up Piper's life, huh? 522 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:52,709 I don't know what psychic black void your little game with her fills, 523 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:56,668 but you need to end it now and stay away from her. 524 00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:02,156 Not a problem. She's all yours, champ. We done here? 525 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,237 Whoa, whoa! Whoa. Hold on. 526 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:14,558 Suddenly she's all mine when you have been working her over since she got here? 527 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,637 Working her over? Are you fucking kidding me? 528 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:27,435 She came to me. Dragged me into that chapel and fucked me. 529 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:37,194 Surprised me, too. She never used to be the aggressor. 530 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:43,714 I guess it was a new color she was trying on. Or maybe she was bored. Who knows? 531 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:45,594 You fucked in a chapel? 532 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:47,159 It's prison. 533 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,231 There aren't a whole lot of options. 534 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:52,799 But I'm done. 535 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,311 I can't survive another spin on her merry-go-round. 536 00:33:56,440 --> 00:34:01,150 And clearly, you're still into it, so enjoy the ride. 537 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,278 Fuck you. It's not a ride. We're getting married. 538 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:05,989 Great. 539 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,199 So why are you here? 540 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:12,352 I wanted to meet you. 541 00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,591 Larry, my heart is with you. 542 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,035 She's hot. She's read everything. 543 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,111 We both know what she's like in bed. 544 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,755 But she is fucked up. 545 00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:39,428 I know it, and you do, too. 546 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,953 Or else you wouldn't be here warning me to stay away. 547 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:45,911 I'm not your problem. 548 00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:11,153 Hey, College. 549 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,433 -What are you... -Don't be acting all modest. 550 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:18,795 You're about as indecent as they come. 551 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:24,716 Okay. Let me dry off and we can talk about this. 552 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,318 Bathroom's full. Try back later. 553 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:39,359 I don't wanna talk. 554 00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,512 I'm not going to let you intimidate me, Tiffany. 555 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:45,829 What do you want? 556 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,198 What do I want? 557 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:55,193 I want you to feel the same pain on your body 558 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:59,592 as you have made me feel in my heart. 559 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:07,356 I know, it's not much. 560 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,192 But it's sharp, it's sharp. Do you wanna see? 561 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:31,989 Out. 562 00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:33,479 I thought only lady COs can go in the bathroom. 563 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:38,190 Hey! This is not your assigned bathroom, you are out of bounds. Out, now! 564 00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:49,439 I guess next time we're gonna get more creative. That's okay. 565 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:50,715 Doggett! 566 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:52,393 I got some other ideas. 567 00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:55,718 -Doggett! -Yes. Yes, yes, yes, coming. 568 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:15,949 You okay? 569 00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:22,956 No. I'm not equipped to deal with this. I have to tell someone. 570 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:27,393 Please, she is a bitty thing. You can take her. Easy. 571 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,755 And when you do, score is settled. 572 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,559 Girl, stop being a bitch-ass bitch. 573 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,758 You got a little blood on your nip-nip there. Rinse that off. 574 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:48,873 Five, six, seven, eight. 575 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:54,879 Pop, turn and shake. 576 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,076 No, a shimmy now. Daya! 577 00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:58,235 Okay. 578 00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:00,231 -Got it. -Five, six, seven, eight. 579 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:07,310 Hip, hip, ha, ha, pop, pop, turn and shimmy. 580 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:08,913 -No, pero you gotta pop! -Booty. 581 00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:10,035 -All right! -Okay, okay. 582 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:11,479 And shake your booty at the end. 583 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,232 Five, six, seven, eight. 584 00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:15,795 Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, hip, hip, ha, ha, pop, pop, turn... 585 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,713 Ladies, this is not a recreational area. Get to work. Now! 586 00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:21,996 Whoa, lighten up. It's the holidays. 587 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:23,069 I said back to work. 588 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,071 Okay, but we were just rehearsing our dance. 589 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,355 The rules are put in place for your safety. 590 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:29,909 All right. 591 00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:33,595 I know, right? 592 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,478 I understand some Spanish, Flaca. He's not my boyfriend. 593 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:37,919 What did you say, inmate? 594 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:41,149 Nothing. 595 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:44,511 That's right. You say nothing. You have nothing to say. 596 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,910 I don't see any electrical issues. Appliance seems to be in good shape. 597 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:15,798 Just full of grease. So I'm gonna say grease fire. 598 00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:18,117 Brilliant. Thank you. 599 00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,032 How bad did Murphy seem to you? 600 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:24,553 It's hard to say. 601 00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:27,234 You know, after she got sprayed, there was a lot of foam. 602 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:32,554 She was burned, all over her arm and, like, her clavicle. 603 00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:34,835 I seen it before Maritza spritzed. 604 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:40,837 Mendoza, part of your job is to make sure these ovens are cleaned properly. 605 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,434 Don't make me regret putting you in charge. 606 00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:45,198 I did clean those ovens. 607 00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:47,711 Well, clearly not well enough. 608 00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,475 Yeah. Clearly. 609 00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:01,672 All right, get back to work. 610 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:08,510 Attention, ladies, breakfast has been temporarily delayed. 611 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:12,349 Are you sure you're okay? 612 00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:14,511 Yeah, it just scared me a little. 613 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:16,874 Me, too. 614 00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:22,674 Bennett! 615 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,039 We have more to discuss. 616 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:28,428 Yes, sir. 617 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:37,074 Blocks B and C resume normal program. 618 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:42,399 Talk to the medic, get a detailed account of Murphy's injuries, 619 00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:44,272 bring me the report by the end of the day. 620 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,635 Speaking of reports, where's the drug bust? 621 00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:49,792 I want to get that filed. That is a big win for us. 622 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,599 Yeah, can I talk to you about that? 623 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:56,639 I had this meeting or something with Fig. 624 00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:58,718 Christ. What happened? 625 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:05,997 She is a pencil pusher, Bennett. You and I, we are battling in the trenches. 626 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:10,436 She told me not to file a report about the... 627 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:16,076 About the drugs. She said an investigation could point to me. 628 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:18,231 That little... 629 00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:25,156 She's cutting off your balls to protect her own. 630 00:42:25,240 --> 00:42:28,949 You write up that report, Bennett, and you bring it to me. 631 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:32,237 That way, in fact, you did not file it. I did. 632 00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:34,274 Yes, sir. 633 00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,596 This place fucking stinks. 634 00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:39,077 We'll open some windows, sir. 635 00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:43,916 That's not what I meant, Bennett. That's not what I meant. 636 00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:54,958 Merry Christmas, Chapman. 637 00:43:01,720 --> 00:43:03,073 It's not Christmas yet. 638 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:07,068 Yeah, well, it came early for you this year. 639 00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,149 There you go. Go on. 640 00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:14,198 You big ho, ho, ho. 641 00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:47,558 I never meant to hurt anyone, Norma. Least of all Gina. 642 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:49,995 She's my daughter. You know that. 643 00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:07,158 Yo. Check it out. 644 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:12,155 Whoa! You put a lot of work into that. 645 00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:14,800 Who knew you were so fucking thoughtful? Jesus. 646 00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:18,549 Yeah. I have my moments. Think she'll like it? 647 00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,036 I don't know if she'll appreciate the groom. 648 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,830 What happened to that iron gate keeping your heart shut? 649 00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:25,518 It's a joke. 650 00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:26,829 Is it? 651 00:44:35,720 --> 00:44:37,392 What are you doing there? 652 00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:39,149 Making you a pair of earrings. 653 00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:41,714 Wait! You asshole! That's supposed to be a surprise. 654 00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:43,239 Surprise! 655 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:46,868 These suck. 656 00:44:48,240 --> 00:44:53,314 God! I'm just not crafty. I don't know what to give you. 657 00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:59,995 Man, you're right. It should be a boy. It's not funny. 658 00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:10,678 Hey. I think I know what I want for Christmas. 659 00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:12,514 Yeah? 660 00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:13,669 Yeah. 661 00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:17,475 Next. 662 00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:36,354 I got the marriage form. It's all filled out. 663 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:37,993 Good. Good. 664 00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:41,635 If I make it. 665 00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:43,028 If you make it? 666 00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:46,351 Someone's trying to kill me. A Christian meth head. 667 00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,192 Someone else is trying to kill you? 668 00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:51,432 Hey, it's not my fault. I didn't ask for this. It just... 669 00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:56,151 It just happened? It happened. The drama happened to find you. 670 00:46:56,240 --> 00:46:58,993 Like it always does. 'Cause you need it. 671 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:01,273 Where did that come from? 672 00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:04,433 I met Alex. 673 00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,032 What do you mean you met Alex? 674 00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,669 I wanted to tell her to stay away. 675 00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:15,997 I wanted her to see that I was a real person that she was hurting. 676 00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:20,870 But actually, Piper, you were the one that was doing all the hurting. 677 00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:27,358 Whatever she said is a lie, Larry. She's a crazy, manipulative liar. 678 00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:29,631 This is unbelievable. 679 00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:34,118 I can't believe you didn't trust me to handle this on my own. 680 00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:38,558 No, I didn't. I didn't, and doesn't that say so much? 681 00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:41,640 I can't be on your ride anymore, Piper. 682 00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:45,873 I don't think we share the same values. Why was I in such a hurry? 683 00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:47,757 Because I was afraid. 684 00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:53,358 You shouldn't be with someone out of fear. 685 00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:59,552 No. No. 686 00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:03,514 No, no, no. 687 00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:07,198 I'm sorry. I... 688 00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:11,388 Bye, Piper. 689 00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:14,791 No. Larry. 690 00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:26,110 No. No. 691 00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:32,709 Alex. 692 00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:36,113 Are you kidding me? Get out. 693 00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,154 -Alex... -Get out. No fucking way. 694 00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:42,188 Get out. 695 00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:44,638 You heard the lady. 696 00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,675 Another holiday. Can you believe this? 697 00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:39,999 I can because I have eyes. And a calendar. 698 00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:46,560 Healy, if you ever call an inmate's family again with your lesbian witch hunt shit, 699 00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:48,278 I will destroy you. 700 00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:53,957 Your mail-order bride will leave you, and you will never work again. 701 00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:55,519 Get some fucking therapy, man. 702 00:50:09,240 --> 00:50:10,434 -Hey. -Hey. 703 00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:11,879 I heard you were coming. 704 00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:14,636 I would have sent these to the hospital, 705 00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:19,714 but I thought I'd rather deliver them in person. 706 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:25,199 Wow, Mr. Caputo, Joe, thank you. 707 00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:27,597 That's really thoughtful. 708 00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:33,798 This is my boyfriend, Stephen. This is Joe Caputo. 709 00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:36,195 -Hello. -Hello, Stephen. 710 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,399 Really, really nice to meet you. 711 00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:41,114 Happy holidays, sir. 712 00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:44,514 -Joe. Please. -Joe. 713 00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:49,635 All right, that could be trouble. Excuse me. 714 00:50:49,720 --> 00:50:53,349 No, I think that's theater for "the show's gonna start soon." 715 00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:57,073 Right. Of course. 716 00:50:57,520 --> 00:51:00,432 Okay. Okay, night... Yeah. 717 00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:23,273 -Joy to the world -The world 718 00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:25,715 -The Lord is come -Is come 719 00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:31,397 -Let Earth receive her King -Her King 720 00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:36,873 Let every heart prepare Him room 721 00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:42,717 -And Heaven and nature sing -Nature sing 722 00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:47,749 -And Heaven, and Heaven, nature sing -Nature sing 723 00:51:54,960 --> 00:52:01,911 Amazing grace 724 00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:09,712 -How sweet -Sweet 725 00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:14,430 -The sound -Sound 726 00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:18,035 That saved 727 00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:24,992 A wretch like me 728 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:27,715 Like me 729 00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:34,957 I once was lost 730 00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:37,112 Lost 731 00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:42,993 But now I'm found 732 00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:46,156 Found 733 00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:48,874 Was blind 734 00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:52,953 But now 735 00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:59,594 I see 736 00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:04,115 Hey! 737 00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:12,399 Thank you. Merry Christmas. 738 00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:14,273 Merry Christmas. 739 00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:17,195 Shut the fuck up. 740 00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:23,318 Joseph, I'm not feeling very well. 741 00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:27,439 I'm really tired and I have a pain. 742 00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:30,592 I think it's time for the baby to be born! 743 00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:37,636 Please, Mary, lie down here on this nice bed I made in the straw. 744 00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:40,555 Yeah, lay down, Mary! 745 00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:47,436 Jesus fucking Christ! 746 00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,312 All right, ladies. Knock it off! Knock it off! 747 00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,150 Joseph, you were saying? 748 00:53:57,360 --> 00:53:58,952 That should have been us up there. 749 00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:00,109 I know. 750 00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:04,589 Lie down, Mary, it won't be long now. 751 00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:17,232 I saw the light, I saw the light 752 00:54:17,760 --> 00:54:22,197 No more in darkness, no more at night 753 00:54:22,720 --> 00:54:27,316 Now I'm so happy, no sorrow in sight 754 00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:31,951 Praise the Lord, I saw the light 755 00:54:54,920 --> 00:55:01,075 Just like a blind man I wandered along 756 00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,513 Worries and fears 757 00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:09,515 I claimed for my own 758 00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:18,198 Then like the blind man That God gave back his sight 759 00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:23,712 Praise the Lord 760 00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:29,878 I saw the light 761 00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:32,075 Y eah! 762 00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:36,636 I saw the light, I saw the light 763 00:55:36,720 --> 00:55:38,756 You should be in the center. You should be in the center. 764 00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:43,231 No more in darkness, no more at night 765 00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:48,111 Now I'm so happy, no sorrow in sight 766 00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:53,151 Praise the Lord, I saw the light 767 00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:04,228 Praise the Lord 768 00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:12,353 I saw the light 769 00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:21,151 I saw the light, I saw the light 770 00:56:21,240 --> 00:56:26,030 No more in darkness, no more at night 771 00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:39,199 Hey! Hey! Where you thi nk you're going? 772 00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,357 No. No. 773 00:56:42,440 --> 00:56:46,274 You do not wanna fight with me right now, crazy. You do not. 774 00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:49,916 No? Maybe you're right. I don't wanna fight you. 775 00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:52,791 I wanna end you right now. 776 00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:00,514 You better stop. Mr. Healy's right over there. 777 00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:01,789 Hi, Mr. Healy. 778 00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:07,271 Mr. Healy! Mr. Healy! Mr. Healy! 779 00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:10,112 She's trying to kill me! 780 00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:29,911 Look what you brought out to play. 781 00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,195 You back the fuck off me! 782 00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:34,834 You think I'm scared of you? Do you? 783 00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:39,828 I'm not scared of you. 'Cause I got God by my side. 784 00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:44,598 And he told me that you ain't worth nothin'! See? 785 00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:47,557 See how he just works through me? 786 00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:49,990 And he wants me to smite you. 787 00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:52,474 I see things. 788 00:57:58,800 --> 00:58:04,830 She-devil. That's what you are. You're the devil, and I'm the angel of God. 789 00:58:04,960 --> 00:58:10,193 I mean, look at my dress. Have you seen it? How's that for poetry? 790 00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:14,594 'Cause God loves me. He don't love you. 791 00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:18,269 'Cause you ain't worthy of God's love, you ain't worthy of nobody's love. 792 00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:26,552 So I think it's time that you die. 793 00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:28,189 No!