1 00:01:11,199 --> 00:01:18,099 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA www.PSArips.com 2 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,189 The President doesn 't care about the Hispanic plight. 3 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:30,033 He doesn 't care about poor Mexicans... 4 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,953 Wel l, you d id n't miss much, if it makes you feel any better. 5 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,075 Except movie night. 6 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,958 We got Joe Versus the Volcano. That was pretty good. 7 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,076 And we got meatloaf twice. 8 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:05,235 Personally, I think it should be baked, and here they steam it so it gets all pasty. 9 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,515 Do not tell Red I said that. 10 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,950 I mean, she knows, but she got feelings just like everybody else. 11 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,636 You know those good mashed potatoes that Red makes, 12 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,029 -from the real potatoes and not the box? -Yeah. 13 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,357 Maybe you could ask about getting some of that served up tonight. 14 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:20,669 You her girl. 15 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,435 Well, she works up the menus a week in advance, so... 16 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,034 Think about what I've been through. 17 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,438 Can't promise anything. 18 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:49,674 Twenty-six, 27, 28, 29, 30! Who's the big talker now? 19 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:50,954 You were counting too fast! 20 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,076 Bullshit, Vause. I told you, it can't be done. 21 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:54,878 Six saltines in 30 seconds? 22 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:02,833 You are a disgusting animal. Okay? What the fuck? 23 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:06,151 I mean, which is a quality I greatly admire in a person. 24 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,719 You're in touch with your primal self. 25 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:13,352 Yeah, well, my primal self cannot resist a dare, apparently. 26 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,709 Which is also how I ended up with three broken toes 27 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,592 and, briefly, chlamydia. 28 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:21,709 And in prison. 29 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,234 Well, that wasn't so much a dare, as it was a deal. 30 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,513 Officer Webster, pick up extension 4 1 4. 31 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,558 Hey, get over here. You're missing a moment. 32 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,835 Visitation will be ending in five minutes. 33 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,832 God, SH U must really suck ass. 34 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:49,230 Man, she was in there for two weeks. I've taken shits longer than that. 35 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,870 Hey, Kate Winslet. See any icebergs? 36 00:03:58,600 --> 00:03:59,999 They're back again, Janae. 37 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,111 Cut that out! 38 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:09,789 Boys chase girls! 39 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,313 Whatcha gonna do if you catch us? 40 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,158 Only one way to find out. 41 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,794 Go back to your mama. 42 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,513 Janae! Quit showing off! 43 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,912 Good morning. Welcome. 44 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,871 -Hey! -Ladies of the WAC. 45 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,428 Are you taking us to prom or something? 46 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:08,509 Just close the door, please. 47 00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:13,599 Thank you. 48 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:16,549 All right. 49 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,999 Now, a small token of my esteem. 50 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:25,317 Dang, Healy. That's proper! 51 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,352 Now you talk about this outside, you never see bear claws again. 52 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,040 Silencio, Mr. Healy. We're gonna be like Red's lady. 53 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,269 What's her name? The one that don't talk? 54 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,954 -Norma. -We gonna be like four Normas. 55 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,036 All right, now, business, 56 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:45,796 i.e. if you will, the concerns of your fellow inmates. 57 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:51,399 Mr. Healy, the pillow that we get for sleeping is thin like paper. 58 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:55,234 Sometimes, yo necessito two pillows. For ergonomics. 59 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,032 -A second pillow? -Write it down. 60 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:01,990 Okay, first of all, the hot sauce in the commissary is bullshit. 61 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,833 We want that Thailand sauce, the one with the rooster on it. 62 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:06,469 Rooster sauce. 63 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:10,951 And second of all, ain't no reason we can't get Fifty Shades of Grey in the library! 64 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,914 We talked about this, Jefferson. Fed's not gonna subsidize erotica. 65 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,472 I've got a copy. 66 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,079 I've got one, too. 67 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,512 Fifty Shade. 68 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:27,235 I withdraw my request. But Maria's straight up about the pillows. 69 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,232 Pillows again. Chapman. 70 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,998 You're done? 71 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,599 Far as I know. 72 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:36,475 Okay. 73 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:43,832 The thing is, I think that a few basic changes could drastically improve the quality of life. 74 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:49,070 Like clinic hours every week for preventative health care. 75 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:50,673 And re-opening the track. 76 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,756 And maybe legal counseling. 77 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:56,429 And the GED program. 78 00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:01,273 Now, I understand that there's a mold situation in the classroom, 79 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:02,918 but this needs to be addressed. 80 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:07,477 The inmates down the hill, they get classes, and they are not getting out any time soon. 81 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,752 We are here for shorter stays. 82 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,958 We should be learning to improve ourselves, 83 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:14,553 as students 84 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,877 or even teachers. 85 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,917 Something's telling me she has a teacher in mind. 86 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,035 Chang, you're up. 87 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,111 Okay, Mr. Healy. Okay. 88 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,152 Lay it on me, Chang. 89 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,468 Okay. 90 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:42,794 Good. 91 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,677 We got a good list going here, some good ideas. 92 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,439 -Now, the problem as I see it... -No, sir, I really think that... 93 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,114 ...is that we have a budget situation. 94 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,595 Now, I can do my best, 95 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,438 but it's gonna be hard for me to do all these things 96 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,393 and still be able to bring donuts to our meetings every month. 97 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:05,355 And coffee. 98 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,797 Well, we tried. 99 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,268 What just happened? 100 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,713 You were there. 101 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,596 We finally get an opportunity to make some improvements around here and... 102 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:22,398 Don't be gettin' all Amistad on me, Chapman. 103 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:24,636 Healy look like he gunning for change? 104 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,950 Okay, but what about your campaign promises? 105 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,679 Everyone say shit to get elected. You ain't actually gotta do it. 106 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,398 That's politics. 107 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,870 I got a disciplinary board hearing this week, 108 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,270 which, if they don't take away my good time, I go home. 109 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,228 Healy said he would write a letter vouching for me. 110 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,472 I ain't looking to make waves. 111 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:45,552 Glassy water. Smooth sailin' right on out of here. 112 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:51,076 So this whole WAC thing is basically bullshit. 113 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,152 Just take the donuts, girl. 114 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:00,439 Can you believe her? 115 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:03,393 That college bitch thinks she can come up in here 116 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,670 and take charge of shit with her nice teeth 117 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,955 and her pinky stuck up in the air. 118 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,519 She's got a surprise coming. 119 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,399 Is it a pony? 120 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,951 Just shut your trap, Lurch. 121 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,429 Nobody cares what's comin' outta them slit lickin' lips. 122 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,118 -Did you vote for her? -No. 123 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:23,872 Did you vote for her? 124 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,434 Who voted for that bitch, raise your hand! Raise it. 125 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:28,749 That's what I thought. 126 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,919 Some Garden-of-Gethsemane shit up in here, y'all. 127 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:38,712 Chapman is a Judas Iscariot, cozied on up to the High Priest Healy. 128 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,199 And he throws out my vote. 129 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:45,798 My votes that were bestowed upon me from my Lord, and gives her all the silver? 130 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,910 So in this analogy, you're Jesus Christ? 131 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,198 I've been betrayed. 132 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:36,271 Gosh! No, no. 133 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:45,109 Gonna be a while. I'm a little backed up in here. Sorry. 134 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,189 We were starting to think you deserted us. 135 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:09,714 I tried making that coconut cake myself. Nicky called it "coco-not." 136 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,155 What pain did you bring down on her for that? 137 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:17,552 She was right. Your cake is inimitable. 138 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,389 Norma got me an improve-your-vocabulary book out of the library. 139 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,637 You got to keep the brain cells working, or they die. 140 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,993 To be honest, there's a few things I wouldn't mind forgetting. 141 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,519 Norma saw you in the library, 142 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,997 bent over a law book like a boy hiding a titty magazine. 143 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,755 I got interests beyond coconut cake. 144 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,355 So does every idiot in here. 145 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,719 Where's my Mexican vanilla? 146 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:56,793 Everything off the books lives like Anne Frank now. 147 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,519 Seems like a lot of trouble. 148 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:17,069 You get too comfortable, people take advantage. 149 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,753 You got it under control? 150 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,714 Don't go looking for miracles, Claudette. 151 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:28,193 You and me, we figured out how to do time. 152 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:35,839 Well, at least it's better than SHU, right? 153 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:40,636 I mean, the isolation must just be terrible. 154 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:42,389 Or not. 155 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,118 I've never been to SHU. 156 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,870 I've read that it can be very loud down there, 157 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,269 with people yelling at each other all the time? 158 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:55,195 When I said that I'd never been to SHU, did that make me sound like an asshole? 159 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,630 -Because obviously I didn't... -Fuck, Chapman. 160 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,277 Here's why the floodlights went out. 161 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,316 It looks like a rat got to this. 162 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,675 I fucking hate rats. 163 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,112 My brother had one while we were growing up. 164 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,077 It was kind of cute, actually. 165 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,957 He named it Antonio. 166 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:26,190 I saw one chewed up a baby's face. I named it "fuckin' face-chewing rat." 167 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,678 -You gonna fix the wire or what? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 168 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:34,349 Shit! 169 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,833 Did you turn off the switch? 170 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,758 -I thought that you turned off the switch. -Man! 171 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,757 It's okay. It's my fault. 172 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,833 So you're back in the rooms? 173 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,031 I hope they didn't stick you with De Marco. 174 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,997 I mean, she's super nice and everything, 175 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:55,835 but, man, that breathing machine can just drive you bonkers. 176 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,950 You know, if you want, I can make you some ear plugs. 177 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:06,160 I take a little bit of stuffing out of a pillow, and I just smush it up in some Vaseline, 178 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,955 and then I wrap it up in some plastic wrap from the sack lunches. 179 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,589 The rooms is full, all right? I'm in the ghetto tonight. 180 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,115 But you could still use them in there. 181 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,156 I'll make you some, okay? 182 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,075 Jesus fucking shit. 183 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,119 Sorry? 184 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,235 What? 185 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:32,755 It was you. 186 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:34,549 What? 187 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,551 The screwdriver what. 188 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,995 Acting all sweet like a piece of candy. 189 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,514 Nobody's sweet in here except for a reason. 190 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,758 I don't know what you're talking about. 191 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,673 Do not fucking lie to me, bitch. 192 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,956 Do not fucking insult me after what you done already. 193 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,475 In my defense, 194 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,078 I would just like to point out that technically, 195 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,991 you did not go down because of the screwdriver. 196 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,992 T echnically, you went down to SHU because you got all up in Caputo's face. 197 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,516 Lady, we in a tight-ass space and I bench 1 40. 198 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,473 You sure "technically" is how you wanna handle this shit? 199 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:20,788 Are you gonna say anything? 200 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,473 I ain't a snitch. 201 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:31,789 Damn! 202 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,319 See? This one got the same number on both ends. 203 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,231 The first time you play that, it's called a spinner. 204 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,596 You have to play the ends and the sides, both. 205 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,953 Like a no-class girl lets you use any hole. 206 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:48,555 Yeah. 207 00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:00,594 These are all the places I'm gonna travel when I get out. 208 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,911 Starting with Anguilla. 209 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,798 I read that Orlando Bloom honeymooned there. 210 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,838 And Courteney Cox and David Arquette, even though that didn't work out. 211 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:15,593 I love the beach, but I burn like a lobster, so I'm gonna get a good swim shirt 212 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:19,036 and, bonus, it's gonna hide the gallbladder scar. 213 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,633 Yeah. Sure. 214 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,632 Come on. Okay, bitches, 215 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,513 who's first in line for some puppy lovin'? 216 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,473 Puppy lovin'! 217 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,919 He's so cute. 218 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,070 He looks just like my dog from when I was a kid. 219 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,272 Except mine was more of a Dachshund, but the nostril part is the same. 220 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,073 You look just like Chummy. 221 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:51,152 Make him do a trick. 222 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,032 She doesn't know any yet. 223 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,471 Well, maybe you can take some time off from sitting around eating all day, 224 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,391 and teach him something. 225 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,118 Fucking asshole. 226 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,033 Chapman wrote me three letters for my case and it did fuck-all. 227 00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,350 They ain't lettin' people out who hasn't done their whole time. 228 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,677 Well, I ain't people. I'm training for this, bitch. 229 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:14,230 And I ain't never comin' back, neither, not like the rest of y'all. 230 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,990 Like Oprah say, "the road less traveled." 231 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,031 You know, that doesn't mean what everybody thinks it means. 232 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,834 Shit, we about to get educated and shit. 233 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,520 No, no, no. I'm just saying that everyone thinks the poem means 234 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,556 to break away from the crowd and, like, do your own thing. 235 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:31,599 But if you read it, Frost is very clear that the two roads are exactly the same. 236 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,352 He just chooses one at random. 237 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,908 And then it's only later at a dinner party, when he's talking about it 238 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,753 that he tells everybody he chose the road less traveled by, but he's lying. 239 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,032 So the point of the poem is, 240 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:47,714 that everyone wants to look back and think that their choices mattered, 241 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,475 but in reality, shit just happens the way that it happens, 242 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,790 and it does not mean anything. 243 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,033 I will probably kill her in her sleep tonight. 244 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,037 Wake me up so I can watch. 245 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,793 I'm gonna... 246 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,879 Laundry. 247 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,633 You ever notice how some dog breeds, they sound kind of dirty? 248 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:13,671 Like, shih tzu, cocker, Jack-something. 249 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:16,115 Poodle. 250 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,508 That is good. 251 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,398 I didn't think of that one. That is very clever. 252 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,720 Hey, you know what, guys? Look at that face. 253 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,153 I'm gonna call her Little Boo. 254 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,997 Little Boo. Who's a little boo? Yes! 255 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,275 -Hello? -It's closed. 256 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:38,555 Alex? 257 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,390 I was just gonna drop this off, but... 258 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:46,994 Tomorrow. 259 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,115 Just give it. 260 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:51,629 Give it to me. 261 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:58,473 Attention all personnel, be advised count is off. Can we please conduct a recount?. 262 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,194 Do you remember the Four Seasons in the Seychelles? 263 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,795 Gosh, we just threw our laundry into the hallway, 264 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,677 it was like 40 bucks for a pair of pants. 265 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:30,395 Hey. 266 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,551 I've been thinking about it... 267 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,189 ...a lot. 268 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:45,511 And I just wanted to let you know that there are no hard feelings. 269 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:50,350 I was pretty angry, but, I'm over it. 270 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,351 So... 271 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:57,588 Friend? 272 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:04,478 That's really big of you, Pipes. 273 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:45,396 Can we please speak English at the table? 274 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,438 Just at the table? 275 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:14,269 English. 276 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,474 English. 277 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,034 You look very pretty in that dress. 278 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:33,150 Thank you, Sam. It is very... 279 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:36,115 ...blue. 280 00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:44,917 You guys ever notice how, once you're a couple, 281 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,718 you pretty much only hang out with other couples? 282 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:51,992 A guy, a girl and another guy? It just looks weird. 283 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,031 People probably just assume you're divorced. 284 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,636 Great, so, I look divorced, 285 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:02,191 which conveys sadness and ex-wife shit and lawyers' fees, 286 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:06,717 or I look single, 34 and single, which must mean there's something wrong with me. 287 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,718 Like, you keep large reptiles in tanks. 288 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,870 Or I have a very special relationship with my mother. 289 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,076 I just look like a loser. 290 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,272 Why don't you switch seats with Pete? You're okay being a loser, right, babe? 291 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,039 I don't wanna look like a loser. 292 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,948 Okay, now look, what am I complaining about, right? 293 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:25,359 I mean, seriously, you know? 294 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:29,752 We're sitting here, we're gonna enjoy some small plates, while Piper sits in prison. 295 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,231 You know what? Fuck Piper. 296 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,238 She's in prison and it sucks. 297 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,710 Let's also stipulate there are children are dying of diarrhea in Malawi. 298 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,030 That doesn't mean we don't get to complain about our lives. 299 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:44,237 I am pregnant and the heat in our apartment is always too high 300 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,788 and it gives me nosebleeds, and that is happening. 301 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:50,031 Pete isn't getting laid and he's grown that horrible beard. 302 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:51,314 You look like a loser. 303 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,629 We're all allowed to feel shitty about things in our lives that are shitty. 304 00:22:55,760 --> 00:23:00,311 And happy about things that are awesome. Like this awesome beard! 305 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:01,589 And your column. 306 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,113 What? That's happening? 307 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,431 Who can resist a "Felonious Fiancée" story, right? 308 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:12,157 Yeah, it's, it's totally happening. New York Times, baby. "Modern Love." 309 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,231 -That's huge! -Yeah. 310 00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:16,715 Does Piper know? Is she cool about it? 311 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,555 I mean, sort of. 312 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:24,111 Yeah, I mean, she's sorting out her feelings, 313 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,072 I guess, you know. 314 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:30,472 I'm going to tell her tomorrow, you know. Now that it's for sure. 315 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,276 What's up with that, girl? 316 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,231 Would you shut the fuck up. 317 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,189 I know you ain't fucking with my beauty rest, yo. 318 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,038 It's fucking Watson, man. 319 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,313 They closed the track on me, haters. 320 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,789 I ain't gonna get soft like the rest of y'all. 321 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:11,350 Look, none of that's gonna matter when they throw your ass in SHU, part two. 322 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,710 I got 1 0 minutes before the CO come back around. 323 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,149 Man, somebody get this bitch a hamster wheel. 324 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,557 What you gonna do about it, Jemima? 325 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,388 The hell you just call me? 326 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,514 I said, what you gonna do? 327 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,518 Lightning fast! 328 00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,475 Did you see the Fillmore coach's face? 329 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,717 He had no idea what happened to him. You happened to him. 330 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,199 I just ran, Coach. 331 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:38,920 Well, Watson, you just ran yourself into the high school record book. 332 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:40,873 That gonna help with scholarships? 333 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,473 Girl, colleges will be fighting over you. 334 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:45,919 -Now, you get dressed. -Okay. 335 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,037 I'll introduce you around, all right? They're all waiting. 336 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:10,955 You ran good. 337 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:12,909 I know it. 338 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:25,354 The universe did you wrong. Then they took away your track, I get it. 339 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,116 What you talking 'bout, you get it? 340 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,714 Yo, go on back to the suburbs, string cheese. 341 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,392 I was like you once. Pissed off, 342 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,193 thought the world owed me something. 343 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:41,670 It took me a long time to let go of that anger. 344 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,356 Bitch, you lying to yourself with this whole Namaste bullshit. 345 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,318 You're a step ahead already, 346 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,671 channeling your feelings through physical activity, 347 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,911 which means, the mind and body connect. 348 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,679 Who touched you, yo? Was it your uncle? 349 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,513 Your daddy? 350 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:07,517 Okay, you want to project your issues onto me? That's cool. 351 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:10,879 But I feel bad for you. 352 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:16,910 That negative energy is gonna eat you up inside. 353 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:21,992 Man, you this deep in the shit, you must have done something fucking evil. 354 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,597 Why you in here, yo? 355 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,313 Did you kill someone? 356 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,870 You fucked a kid? 357 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,193 You kill a kid? 358 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,232 That's what I thought. 359 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,350 Chapman, come in. 360 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,874 Or vojdite, as they say in Kiev. 361 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:19,834 Are you planning a vacation? 362 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,912 If I were, it would be somewhere you drink rum out of a mini volcano. 363 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,513 What can I do for you? 364 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:27,469 The track. 365 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,994 You know, I once saw this lecture on YouTube called "23 and 1 /2 Hours." 366 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,992 It's one of those things where someone draws on a whiteboard? 367 00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:36,399 And it says... 368 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,956 Well, if the Internet says it, then we better listen up? 369 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,992 How much money does this institution spend on healthcare per year? 370 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:52,872 Walking for a half an hour a day reduces the risk of anxiety, 371 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:56,953 arthritis, depression, things like dementia and diabetes. 372 00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:58,075 It helps with everything. 373 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,232 If you could save money on medical expenses 374 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,551 with something as simple as walking, why wouldn't you? 375 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:06,355 I mean, in the long term... 376 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:10,234 No one here gives a crap about the long term, Chapman. 377 00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:12,189 Yo, Preparation H. 378 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:15,959 Sorry. 379 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,277 I'll come back when you're done taking orders. 380 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,716 Sitting around all day is the worst possible thing that you can do for your body. 381 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:27,949 We're already doing the time. 382 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,393 I've got a deal for you, Chapman. 383 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:36,190 Caputo thinks a CO's been putting inside photos on the Internet, 384 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,910 but I think that kind of nonsense is too stupid even for a CO. 385 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:41,599 I don't know what you're asking. 386 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:47,118 Let's say an inmate is hiding a camera or a cell phone or something. 387 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:52,637 And you find it for me, I'll take a look at opening that track. 388 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,591 Prison's a big place, Mr. Healy. 389 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,351 I have confidence in you. 390 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,477 Prisoner return to custody. Prisoner return to custody. 391 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,635 What's with the grin, Bennett? You got some new silk panties on? 392 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,275 Or what, you get laid or something? 393 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:37,393 Shit! Bennett got laid! 394 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,716 Come on, man. Spill the beans, you fucking pussy monster. 395 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:44,354 -Was she Asian? -No. 396 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,674 I hear their shit goes sideways. 397 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,231 Well? Go ahead. 398 00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:55,199 Okay, I got laid. 399 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:59,751 Yes! I knew it! I knew it, you dirty whore! Come on. 400 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,158 I couldn't be prouder if I was your dad. 401 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,435 Tell me, man. What about her tits? 402 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:13,117 Were they like big floppy fucking milk jugs or a nice, tight, little handful? 403 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:14,389 What was it? 404 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:18,995 They were fake. 405 00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:25,510 She's half-Asian, half-Brazilian. 406 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:29,314 She's got this sister. 407 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,518 Jesus fucking Christ. 408 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:42,036 Miss Jefferson, why do you deserve to be released? 409 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:43,479 Thank you, sir. 410 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,152 Let the record show 411 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:48,192 I only had three infractions for all my time here. 412 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:52,512 One was for smacking a bitch for not respecting my ice machine choices, 413 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:56,639 and, well, the second... They was bullshit. 414 00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:00,235 Also, I ain't never missed a day workin' in the library. 415 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:04,393 Don't say, "workin'," say, "employed." The shit sound more elegant. 416 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,240 Also, maybe go easy on the bitch-smacking? 417 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,548 Like, don't bring that shit up. 418 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:13,473 All right. Miss Jefferson, what have you learned from your time in prison? 419 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:15,870 Learned? I ain't learned nothing. 420 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,236 I came in this motherfucker innocent, I'm still innocent. 421 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,510 You keep talkin' about innocent, you gonna slide on back in here 422 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:23,238 Iike you got a magnet up your ass. 423 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:24,429 I ain't do nothing. 424 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:25,794 Look, me, neither, all right? 425 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:28,115 We are all just in here 'cause we took a wrong turn goin' to church. 426 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:33,478 Listen, what you did or didn't do. That shit is irrelevant now. 427 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:34,834 You gotta show remorse, fool. 428 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,878 Tell 'em you met Jesus, you go and seen the error of your ways. 429 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:42,198 Now you gonna help the underprivileged youth learn to play chess or whatnot. 430 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:43,872 You know, so they don't end up like your sorry ass self. 431 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:45,674 Man, I ain't sorry! 432 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:47,193 -Aye, look, look, look. -This bitch! 433 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:48,395 Tell 'em, tell 'em you goin' to college. 434 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:49,913 Man, what if I did? 435 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,396 What you gonna major in? Ebonics? 436 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,198 I could be a law secretary. 437 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:58,317 The shit I learned in my job, I'm like Rain Man with that shit. 438 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:01,113 You know what, sit your ass down. It's time to get serious. 439 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:06,313 What you gonna do about hair? 440 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,110 But if you get some puta pregnant... 441 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,839 Gonna go and bounce on daddy's lap? 442 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,109 What did I do now? 443 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:30,238 Don't be all cute, college. 444 00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:34,714 Have you seen my teeth? Like, really? 445 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,349 Wow. They're... 446 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,395 -Pretty fucked up? -Yeah. 447 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:40,879 Genetics mostly. 448 00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:45,274 But my cousin, she's doin' 1 5 over at Lexington, 449 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:49,996 and she got a whole new set from the United States of America, 450 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:51,832 D-O-C. 451 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:53,948 Congratulations. 452 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:58,189 So it's fine that you're teacher's pet and all, but let's, like, see what you can do. 453 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:01,749 You want new teeth? 454 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,159 Because of WAC. 455 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,558 The thing is, I don't think I can. It's not even a real thing. 456 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,915 You think you're some kind of special, don't you? 457 00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:14,433 No, I'm serious. It's a scam. 458 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:17,757 Which, when you think about it, we really all should've seen coming. 459 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,034 Let me tell you something, college. 460 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,878 They're gonna treat you nice and they're gonna use you. 461 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,589 Then when you're all used up, 462 00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,270 you ain't gonna be nothin'. 463 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,439 Knock it off, Pennsatucky. 464 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:40,037 You sellin' us out? For what? 465 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:57,159 Now, if it was me, I think I'd leave the grunt work to the grunts. 466 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:01,873 I let the girls do this, half the potato comes off with the peel. 467 00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:07,870 Seems to me like you're just aching to put that down for a few 468 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:09,915 and make me a sandwich. 469 00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:11,999 Not particularly. 470 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:23,149 What kind? 471 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,159 Balogna and cheese. 472 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,439 No mustard. 473 00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:33,159 Double the mayo. 474 00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:37,469 This is great. 475 00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:45,077 This makes me very happy. 476 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:48,109 See? 477 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,229 You didn't want to do it at first, right? 478 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:56,199 But, now, I'm happy, and it's no big deal for you. 479 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:57,548 What do you want? 480 00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:59,033 I wanna be friends. 481 00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,080 Friends who take care of each other. 482 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,712 You got boxes coming in with a little something extra. 483 00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:13,716 Maybe your guy gets with my guy and brings in something extra for me. 484 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,312 No problem. 485 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:21,359 Just tell me if you want zit cream or pantyhose. 486 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:26,711 What my guy sends, it's a little more of a specialty item. 487 00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:30,390 Since when are pills so special? 488 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:32,315 Give you 5%. 489 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,710 What am I supposed to do with 5%? Burn it for heat? 490 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:45,672 My commissary maxes out at $300 and I got all the toothpaste I need. 491 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:48,959 10%, final offer. 492 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,069 I... 493 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:58,555 ...don't do that shit! 494 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:04,272 This shit, that shit, blue shit, bat shit! It doesn't matter what you do. 495 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,755 It's the doing that makes you dirty. 496 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,235 Don't play games with me, Red. 497 00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,669 You got no more moves, Mendez. 498 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,630 This is it, man. 499 00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:23,591 There is nothing here. 500 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:29,037 You got nothing on me. 501 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,630 Man! 502 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,878 Guess things just got messy in here. 503 00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:01,074 Everything's been deleted off this phone except for these photos. 504 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:02,912 I know! People, right? 505 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:04,831 -Well, where was it? -In the trash can. 506 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:05,989 Where? 507 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:08,319 I don't know, I just found it. 508 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:13,157 You know, I appreciate that fact that you don't wanna snitch on anyone. 509 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,838 The way these inmates treat snitches, it's ugly. 510 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,993 But if you can't tell me who owns this phone, 511 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,275 I'm afraid I can't help you with the track. 512 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,433 That is not what you said to me. You said specifically... 513 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:32,514 I'm sorry, I don't know what you heard. But, unless I have a name... 514 00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:38,355 Enjoy the phone. 515 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,198 Nice work, Chapman. 516 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:49,475 I'm giving you one more minute to pout and then I'm shaving you bald. 517 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:54,157 Sporting a chunk of white girl hair, look like you took a scalp or some shit. 518 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,958 Yo, yo, you need to get you that Michelle Obama hair, for reals. 519 00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,474 White folks scared of Obama. 520 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:05,475 I wanna look like Mo'Nique from Essence magazine, 2008. 521 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,028 Girl, please, ain't enough relaxer in the world for that bullshit. 522 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:09,997 Now what makes you so sure the board is white? 523 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,069 Point. True. 524 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:13,794 There be brothers on the board, I'm gonna be free at last, yo, 525 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,997 'cause ain't no black man gonna let a fine black woman 526 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:19,469 such as me hide her light in jail. 527 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:23,155 Fool, brother is gonna be harder on you, to show he got no bias. 528 00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:25,037 Shit, you better hope for the whities. 529 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:26,315 Yo, hope for white women. 530 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,233 Y'all know how they love drinking wine with their friends, 531 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:31,914 talking 'bout how sad it is, black folks ain't got their fair shakes. 532 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:35,754 What, giving their housekeepers a extra day off and shit. Y'all know what I'm saying? 533 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:40,908 So you wanna look like the black best friend in the white girl movie? 534 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:45,312 Right. Okay, so you got Regina King in Miss Congeniality. 535 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,750 You got Alicia Keys in that Nanny Diaries bullshit 536 00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:49,915 -with ScarJo. -I didn't see that. 537 00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,278 And Regina King in Legally Blonde. 538 00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:56,158 Now, you not thinking big enough. 539 00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:59,557 -What? -Viola Davis. 540 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:02,559 Eat Pray Love, motherfuckers! 541 00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:04,597 I gotta live with this hair, yo. 542 00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:07,078 Do me like Rihanna. 543 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:10,436 Rihanna when? She had, like, 26 hairdos in the past two years. 544 00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,756 2009 Rihanna, I got to spell that shit out for you? 545 00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,434 Look, everybody's still hatin' on Chris Brown, 546 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,398 so maybe they'll throw me a bone gettin' back at that fool. 547 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:20,959 Beat a bitch down 548 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:22,632 If you're named Chris Brown 549 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:24,275 Beat a bitch down 550 00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:34,315 The fuck is that? 551 00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,114 Litchfield one, pussy shutterbug zero. 552 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,598 You put a straw in coffee? 553 00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:41,439 I just had my teeth bleached. 554 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:43,989 Where was it? 555 00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:45,719 Healy found it. 556 00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:48,439 Good to know someone around here is on his game. 557 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:50,559 He "found" it? 558 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,476 You're buying that, no contest? 559 00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:57,510 What, you think Healy's running around here like a frat boy taking pictures of snatch? 560 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:00,235 I think we should look into it. 561 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:03,238 Seems kind of irrelevant now, don't you think? 562 00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:07,957 We both know you're after my job, Joe. 563 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,359 But I'm not worried. Never have been. Know why? 564 00:41:11,720 --> 00:41:16,157 'Cause you get mired down in pettiness instead of stepping your shit up. 565 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:18,839 Nice haircut, by the way. 566 00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:35,755 Thanks. 567 00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:37,189 Sure. 568 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:40,431 I keep feeling like I know you from somewhere. 569 00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:42,834 You didn't go to Smith, did you? 570 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:46,474 Cabot High Wildcats? 571 00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:47,834 Nope. 572 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,114 You know, I lived in Red Hook for a while after college. 573 00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:53,871 I used to bag groceries at Fairway. 574 00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:55,188 No way! 575 00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,277 Oh, my God, I remember you. 576 00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:00,312 You were always forgetting your cloth bags. And I would pack everything in paper 577 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:02,470 and then you'd remember and get the bags out of your purse 578 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:03,879 and make me re-pack everything. 579 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,352 Oh, boy. Yeah, I guess that did happen a couple of times. 580 00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:10,830 Every time. For months. You were a pain in the ass. 581 00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:12,239 Well... 582 00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,749 Who'da thunk we'd end up here? 583 00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:19,795 Anyway, I just want you to know, that as far as I'm concerned, 584 00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:21,711 you and me are the same. 585 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:24,516 -Pardon? -The only difference between us is, 586 00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,353 when I made bad decisions in life, I didn't get caught. 587 00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,630 It coulda been me here in khaki, easy. 588 00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:32,229 Thank you for saying that. 589 00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,952 You know, it's really nice to know that there's somebody on our side. 590 00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:39,919 Well, you know. 591 00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,797 You know what would really help to boost morale around here? 592 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:54,996 You know, I saw that bitch heading on over to Healy's office, looking guilty as fuck. 593 00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,717 Guess suckin' dick's a little easier than honest hard work. 594 00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:01,831 I feel sorry for her. 595 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:08,839 You're right, Leanne. Compassion is what we got over the monkeys. 596 00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:11,229 You know what, though? 597 00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:15,472 Compassion ain't gonna help this girl learn the way of things. 598 00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:17,118 I learned, we all learned. 599 00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:21,436 And that is that you have get broken down to get raised back up. 600 00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:25,679 You know, I'm with you, hon. Really. 601 00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:30,552 She's Waspy and entitled and always asking if you have this in whole grain, 602 00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:32,796 she's got the Bambi shtick going on, I get all of it. 603 00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:38,195 But I'm gonna need you to shut the fuck up about her and get over your shit. 604 00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:40,755 Or what? 605 00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:49,633 Or I will fuck you. 606 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:52,673 Literally. 607 00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:57,679 I will sneak into your bunk in the middle of the night and I'll lick your pussy. 608 00:43:58,720 --> 00:44:02,030 And I will do it so good and so soft 609 00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:05,357 that you're gonna be on the edge of coming by the time you wake up, 610 00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:06,754 and then I'll stop. 611 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,794 And you'll be half asleep and you'll beg for it. 612 00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:12,108 You will beg for it. 613 00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,839 And maybe I'll be nice, and maybe I won't, 614 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:20,037 but if I am nice? The things you feel? 615 00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:24,635 They will ruin you forever. 616 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:30,913 So, you know, choose. 617 00:44:35,720 --> 00:44:38,473 And exhale slowly. 618 00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:45,634 And float all the way down. 619 00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,078 Halfway up, 620 00:44:55,640 --> 00:45:00,509 and now roll all the way down again, 621 00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:07,230 bend at the waist, and let the arms hang. 622 00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:16,911 And continue to breathe, and hang. 623 00:45:40,240 --> 00:45:42,754 -Hey, what up? -Hi. 624 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,274 You got a minute? My man, Three-D, wants to chat. 625 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:13,992 You that track and field girl, right? 626 00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:16,434 Yeah. 627 00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:20,268 You can't be here, yo. 628 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:21,993 Little Frank told me to come on by. 629 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,515 Little Frank is not a forward thinker. 630 00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,390 Look around you. What you see? 631 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:38,430 A party. People. 632 00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:39,714 What kinda people? 633 00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:43,509 Your crew. 634 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,673 My crew, we thugs. 635 00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:53,391 We ain't finished school, we got what we got until the next bust. 636 00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,031 It look like you're doing okay to me. 637 00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:02,479 You're the real thing, you feel me? 638 00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:08,196 Everything we playin' at, everything we holdin', you can have it for real. 639 00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,509 You wanna fuck that up, that's on you. 640 00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:15,038 I can't carry that. 641 00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:18,558 Yo, Richie. 642 00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:24,359 Make sure she gets home. 643 00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:29,398 You need money for sneakers or whatever, give me a shout. 644 00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:36,431 I know where the door is. 645 00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:50,513 What up, rocket girl? 646 00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:54,398 I got booted, that's what. 647 00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,756 Well, Three-D got his own ideas about right and wrong, 648 00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,512 Iike he Robin Hood or something. 649 00:48:00,720 --> 00:48:01,755 And who are you? 650 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:06,598 You wanna party, I'm the brother that's not gonna stop you. 651 00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:13,439 You know, 'cause you got those thick thighs on you, girl, like... 652 00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:15,915 Look good on a woman. Yeah. 653 00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:19,278 I usually go running and... 654 00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,839 Now, that dress, that's not doin' you any favors. 655 00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:29,199 Let's share. 656 00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,032 Thank you. 657 00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:41,918 Dude, $3 tip on a $67 tab? 658 00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:44,912 What, is 70 your lucky number or something? What is that? 659 00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:47,549 D-bag. 660 00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:52,309 What'll you have? 661 00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:56,149 This. 662 00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:58,518 I'm buying you a drink. 663 00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:03,469 Margarita? 664 00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:06,309 Okay. 665 00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,911 Let me ask you something. 666 00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:17,437 Do I seem pathetic to you? 667 00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:20,110 Before or after you asked that question? 668 00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:23,357 This is my first time out by myself. 669 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,468 First time in a long time, I mean. 670 00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:34,556 And I just don't wanna be, you know, that guy. 671 00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:41,273 That guy? 672 00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:45,035 That guy's worth about $75 million. 673 00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:50,557 Yeah. He writes action movies about robots that turn into other robots, or something. 674 00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:52,189 And he tips well. 675 00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:56,319 You're doing just fine. 676 00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:04,630 -Cheers. -And to you. 677 00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:12,515 So what's your story? 678 00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:18,515 Jesus Christ. 679 00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:19,795 What? 680 00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:22,357 What's my story? 681 00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,311 I'm sorry, did I piss you off? 682 00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:26,795 No, you... Yes. 683 00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:28,954 Yes, I'm pissed off. 684 00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,600 Because, you're gorgeous. 685 00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,913 Your mouth is amazing. Your neck? 686 00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:39,309 My God, your ass looks great in those jeans. 687 00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:41,675 No offense, I'm sorry, I just... 688 00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:43,796 And I feel shitty for even looking at you. 689 00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:46,718 Because I have a fiancée. 690 00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:50,592 And you know what else I can't do? 691 00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:52,915 Look at her. 692 00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:56,477 Because she's in fucking prison. 693 00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:01,836 Yeah, yeah, because she did something stupid and crazy 694 00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:08,594 and indicative of an ominously shaky moral compass. 695 00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:12,150 And as a result I am stuck here, alone, at this bar. 696 00:51:12,240 --> 00:51:15,073 Talking to you and enjoying it and feeling like an asshole. 697 00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,237 Polly was right. Fuck her. 698 00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:31,831 I'm gonna be in the New York Times. 699 00:51:43,240 --> 00:51:46,152 Track is back open. F-your-I. 700 00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:47,599 Pardon me? 701 00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:52,269 I'm reassigning Fischer, eight hours a week. Her request. 702 00:51:52,720 --> 00:51:57,919 Apparently, there's some film thing going around, 23 hours or whatever, 703 00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:02,471 says how exercise saves us bucks in the long term. 704 00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:06,197 Which appeals to you, 'cause you're chief bean-counter now, right? 705 00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,880 Fig is gonna eat that shit up. 706 00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,038 You come up with this in a vision or something? 707 00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:17,390 It was all Fischer. Trust the woman, right? 708 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:24,472 Doesn't threaten me to admit it, that is one smart piece of ass. 709 00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:35,190 No, no, no, no, no! Mi Diablo! No! 710 00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:48,319 Holy shit. 711 00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:55,839 Jesus Christ, Flores. 712 00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:06,035 That was the only place in this prison I could take a shit. Fuck! 713 00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:08,639 Fucking dios. 714 00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:26,078 You make them wait, it ain't gonna help. 715 00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,311 Have a seat, Miss Jefferson. 716 00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:01,232 Yo. Yo, you see that nigga face? 717 00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:03,118 Yo, Islam motherfucker got so much beard, 718 00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:04,918 he ain't seen his own face since high school. 719 00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:07,838 Ain't no Islam, he a Sikh. You racist. 720 00:54:08,720 --> 00:54:11,029 Hit the corner, hit the corner. We gonna lose 'em at the corner. 721 00:54:14,240 --> 00:54:15,912 -Wait up, yo! -Come on! 722 00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,639 I said, wait up. Don't be showin' off. 723 00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:21,556 Put your hands where I can see them! 724 00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:27,472 Get down on the ground. Get down on the ground! 725 00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:29,159 Okay, okay. 726 00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:04,316 This don't make us even. 727 00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:07,915 Okay.