1 00:01:52,999 --> 00:01:58,999 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA www.PSArips.com 2 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:00,989 Yo, Burset. 3 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,232 We're clearing out, man. 4 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:06,309 What the fuck you doing? 5 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,837 Cap wanted me to document the damage. 6 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,072 You gotta check out this life-sized fucking panda bear they got in their living room, 7 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,195 half burnt. 8 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:14,958 It's got one melted plastic eye. 9 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,111 Come on, I'll show you. 10 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,991 So I say to her, "You're the third pregnant girl I've rescued this month." 11 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:31,153 She goes, "But, I'm not pregnant!" And I go, "You're not rescued yet!" 12 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,673 Hey, Burset, where the fuck you going? 13 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,113 Gotta drain the hose. 14 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,670 Anyway, you know the fucking crying guy with the cat? Remember him? 15 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,717 I kept telling him the cat wasn't in the house. 16 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,279 He kept screaming that I gotta go back in. 17 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,232 Laundry is now available for pick-up. 18 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,798 You sick fuck, do that in the bathroom. 19 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,479 I got cancer. 20 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,317 Is he allowed to watch us like that? 21 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,799 Pornstache? 22 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,076 He does whatever he wants. 23 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,390 One of these days, you're gonna have to change your panties, Chapman. 24 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,630 That shit's gotta be getting ripe. 25 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,358 Look at this. 26 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,876 I asked Sophia to do my roots, she says there's a two-week waiting list. 27 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:47,714 I wouldn't let that he-she touch my hair with a 1 0-foot pole. 28 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:51,071 Well, hey, maybe you'll get lucky and go bald everywhere but in the tits like Rosa. 29 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:54,072 And Sophia's pole is a hole now. 30 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,475 Watson, Bresnahan and Diaz, 31 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,830 report to your counselor for your bunk assignments. 32 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,877 Watson, Bresnahan and Diaz. 33 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,075 Finally. 34 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:03,952 Wait, you got assigned? 35 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,439 This is bullshit. 36 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,078 You know, I did my time in SHU. 37 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,998 How much longer are they gonna keep me in here with Darth Vader and Mr. Clean? 38 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,952 Fuck you. 39 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,798 Why didn't I get assigned? 40 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,240 They're probably sending her to Spanish Harlem. 41 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,515 They're gonna put you in The Suburbs with the other white people. 42 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,716 So how do they choose your roommate? 43 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,393 Why? 44 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:26,358 You afraid you're gonna end up with your rocka-lezzie girlfriend? 45 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,792 "Goals are the fuel in the furnace of achievement. " 46 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:45,874 I'm sorry. 47 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,919 Bitch, don't be cutting! There's a line here. 48 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,836 For the toilet? I just need to pee. 49 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,319 Can I pee? 50 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:56,239 Go pee, kid. 51 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,119 This better be hot. 52 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,510 If I find another clump of hair in the drain, there's gonna be trouble. 53 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,638 Oh! Gee! I'm sorry. 54 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,478 It's okay, honey, you can look. 55 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,551 I spent a lot of money for it. 56 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,391 Go ahead, it's all yours. 57 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,640 That's okay, I think I'll just wait. 58 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,678 You gonna be waiting a long time, now. 59 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,199 She's talking to the devil. 60 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:25,833 Yeah, I got that part. 61 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,991 That's Satan's stall. 62 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,758 At least Satan gets a door. 63 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,398 Give it a week. 64 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,711 You'll be pissing and farting with the rest of us. 65 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:36,639 Your commissary ain't come in yet? 66 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:39,675 I think so. 67 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,672 My ID number doesn't shop until tomorrow. 68 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,632 You better hope they got what you need. 69 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,234 Ain't had powder foundation in dark for three months. 70 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,436 I can't be walking around here with white face on. 71 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,876 But those sad pair of shower shoes are not gonna save you. 72 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,154 You need some of these. 73 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,799 I made my own. 74 00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:58,915 Couture. 75 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,434 Commissary don't carry a size 1 3. 76 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:03,833 Is that duct tape? 77 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,030 Metallics are very in this season. 78 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:11,030 Don't hold your big bathroom too long. Prison food stops you right up. 79 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,633 You gotta get it out while you can. 80 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:17,430 If you wanna skip that shower line, do the 5:.00 a.m. or the 5:.00 p.m. 81 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,794 That's my secret. 82 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,277 Why are you telling me all of this? 83 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,032 'Cause I fucked up your hair. 84 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,031 That shit looks broke. 85 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,157 When your commissary comes in, swing by the salon. 86 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,629 I'll fix it right up for you. 87 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,274 Okay. Thank you. 88 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,950 There's no point in playing shy, baby. You're home. 89 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,872 Medical staff to the iso ward... 90 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,791 Now, that's a fucking waste right there. 91 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,871 Black girl with a white girl booty. 92 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,153 I mean, what's the point? 93 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,278 Watch out for this one, man. 94 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,078 She looks real good, and then she opens her mouth. 95 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:25,197 She's got those snaggly fucking Gargamel teeth. 96 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,879 Fucking meth heads, man. 97 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,950 Now, that right there? 98 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,280 That's a whole different species, my friend. 99 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,630 Hey, Burset. 100 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,271 Come over here. 101 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,078 Prisoner maintenance detail for the shower room. 102 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,559 Smell that. 103 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,392 That smell good to you? 104 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:56,839 Mickey D's? 105 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,274 How long's it been since you had one of these? 106 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,069 Long time. 107 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:05,639 Do you want some? 108 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,158 You offering me a taste? 109 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,515 You can suck it out of my dick. 110 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,237 I don't do sausage in my breakfast sandwich. 111 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,268 What the fuck are you doing inside the CO bubble? 112 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:28,115 Your foot's over the line, Burset. You better get back before I give you a shot. 113 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,038 Shit is wild, right? 114 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:34,314 Freaky. 115 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,791 Freaky-deaky. Freaktown. 116 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,153 Cyborg pussy. 117 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,555 I bet it's fucking perfect. 118 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,039 Don't tell me you'd hit that? 119 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,832 I live in the present, not in the past. 120 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,990 Besides, she used to have a dick, 121 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,236 and so she knows what it likes. 122 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,594 What'd you guys do about pussy in Iraq anyway? 123 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,799 Did you fuck camels? 124 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,439 I was in Afghanistan. 125 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,198 And you don't go anywhere near the camels, 126 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,077 'cause sometimes they strap them up with explosives 127 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,673 and run them into camp and... 128 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,599 And if you try to have sex with the girls there, 129 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,352 their village throws rocks at 'em till they die, 130 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,351 so there's not a lot going on. 131 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,550 Plus, they're all dressed like beekeepers. 132 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,910 Occasionally, a Russian hooker comes through, 133 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,958 but those girls are nasty and they cry a lot. 134 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,389 Transporting one to I-S 1 2. 135 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,795 All these offenders want a piece of me, Bennett. 136 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,118 You know why? 137 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,477 It's the fucking pheromones, man. 138 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:38,030 You get 'em all locked up like this for a long time, 139 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:41,914 and they get this prehistoric yearning for man-stink. 140 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,475 They fucking hate my guts, you know? 141 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:48,949 But they can't help themselves. 142 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,110 I'm musty and they love it. 143 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,152 You don't really... 144 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,316 What? Fuck 'em? 145 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,874 Hell, no! That's against the rules. 146 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,277 Ladies in the house programs, we will begin in one hour. 147 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,555 But I tell you what, grasshopper. 148 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,394 Some of these bitches would suck it for half a cigarette. 149 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,957 Swallow. Lift your tongue. 150 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:16,549 Okay. Move on. 151 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,435 Black! 152 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,034 Take these with food. No check. 153 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:22,872 You got me on the yellow ones. I like the yellow ones. 154 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,872 Lost 1 0 pounds on the yellow ones. But gave me that horrible rash on my... 155 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,353 Not my problem. 156 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:28,795 Burset. 157 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,274 What are those? Those aren't my pills. 158 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,954 They are now. Whole prison is going generic. 159 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,638 What's the dose? 160 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,319 .5 milligrams. 161 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:40,992 Then that ain't enough. I need four of those. 162 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,593 I do what the chart says. 163 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:44,549 You can't just change my dose. 164 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:46,432 Talk to your counselor, okay? 165 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:48,755 Fatovich! 166 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,955 You got a name, girl? 167 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,759 That's your bed, those two are your hooks. 168 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,354 This ain't like the projects in here, I got rules. 169 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,670 No sleeping all day 'cause it's depressing. 170 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,113 Clean up after yourself. 171 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:07,438 If I find a mess on this floor, my floor, you're gonna hear about it. 172 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,158 And keep your food sealed, 173 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,470 because I don't need chipmunks or roaches in here 174 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,278 trying to get their Cup O' Noodles on, 175 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,191 plus that poor excuse for food stinks to high heaven... 176 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,318 I sleep whenever I want, old lady. 177 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,711 And I don't know what busted-ass country you come from, 178 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,552 but this is America, 179 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:29,269 and if I want noodles, I'll eat noodles. 180 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:34,036 Now, back off across your floor before I make you that mess you hate so much. 181 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:39,594 Time to peel that orange, Chapman. 182 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:40,908 You're one of us now. 183 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,753 One of us. One of us. 184 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,229 Gooble gobble. Gooble gobble. 185 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:51,670 Inmate Martinez, report for an assignment at the laundry detail. 186 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,956 Nine and a half, right? 187 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,309 Ten. 188 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,355 Did your feet swell when you went back to boys? 189 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,474 Fuck you. 190 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,232 You can't just change people's meds! 191 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,312 I got a line of golden girls complaining about blood pressure pills. 192 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,118 Half this prison's on antidepressants. 193 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,475 You take away their Zoloft, they're gonna go off the rails. 194 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,994 Monumentally bad. Monumental pain in my ass. 195 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,435 Your ass? I'm juggling vendor changes, staff reductions. 196 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,431 Look at me, I'm paying for my own coffee here. 197 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:26,354 I got a tranny camped out in my hallway yelling about her hormones! 198 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,040 He can suck it up. She. Jesus. 199 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,918 She could be a major headache for us. 200 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,797 We are only required to give her enough to maintain. 201 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,472 It is a federal system. 202 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:37,313 If he wanted to keep his girlish figure, he should've stayed out of jail. 203 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,789 Why would anyone ever give up being a man? 204 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,276 It's like winning the lottery and giving the ticket back. 205 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,552 Hello, baby. 206 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,269 Look at you getting your sweat on. 207 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:09,918 You look all shiny. 208 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,434 I bet you don't even smell funky. 209 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,792 I knew you wouldn't. 210 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:19,272 You a real woman, Chapman. A real grown woman. 211 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,237 And not like all these other girls around here. 212 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,709 I can't waste my time with these silly bitches. 213 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,956 I need a real woman. 214 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:28,675 I'm sure that you'll find one. 215 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,398 -I wrote a poem, you wanna hear? -You know, that's fine... 216 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:35,235 "Before I met you the sun was like a yellow grape 217 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,751 "But now, it look like fire in the sky 218 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:46,757 "Why? Because you light a fire inside me" 219 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,273 Wow. 220 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,033 I wrote it for you. 221 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,636 You know, my fiancé is a writer. 222 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,554 I'm gonna call you Dandelion. 223 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:12,110 'Cause they're pretty, and yellow, just like you. 224 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,714 Everybody out! Let's go! 225 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,474 Thank you. 226 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:19,949 What's going on? 227 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,069 Locking up the track. 228 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,798 -Why? -Budget cuts. 229 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,518 No staff to cover it. 230 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,835 But I have to run. 231 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,275 This is the only thing that makes me feel normal. 232 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,834 Ya'll gonna have to do your swirl someplace else. 233 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,153 Swirl? 234 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,120 Chocolate and vanilla. 235 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:43,351 Swir-irl. Swir-irl. 236 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:49,313 The bottom line is that the prison can no longer provide high-end hormones. 237 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:53,154 If I don't get my medication, I'm going through withdrawal. 238 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:57,677 Hot flashes, night sweats. My face will sag, my body hair will start to grow back. 239 00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:59,034 Okay, we don't need to get into... 240 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,031 Let me explain this for you. 241 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,157 When my penis was split in half and inverted, 242 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,356 my testes were removed, 243 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,715 so I don't have any testosterone left 244 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,190 to replace the estrogen that you taking away from me! 245 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,840 Okay, okay! What do you want from me? 246 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,553 I wanna see a doctor. 247 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,636 You can't go to the clinic unless it's an emergency. 248 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,279 This is an emergency. 249 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,072 Yeah, well, we don't see it that way. 250 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:30,235 Was there something else? 251 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:32,389 Yes. 252 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,029 I'd like to report an emergency. 253 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,399 Man, new bunkie's trying to lay down all these rules and shit. 254 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:54,314 "Dis go here. Dat go there. Dis how you be wipin' your bunghole." 255 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,391 Wait, you got assigned? What dorm are you in? 256 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,712 Yo, girl, be careful messing with Miss Claudette. That woman is no joke. 257 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,799 What, is she gonna put a voodoo curse on me? 258 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,553 Island bitch got control issues. 259 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,279 Word is she killed someone. That's why she doin' so much time. 260 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:10,509 Yeah, I believe it, too. 261 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,556 You look in her eyes and know she seen some shit. 262 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:13,715 I'm not scared of her. 263 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:14,915 You should be. 264 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,754 I hear when she was down the hill she threw a pot of boiling water in her bunkie's face. 265 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,628 Burned her eyelids off. She be looking like Beetlejuice and shit. 266 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:23,875 So? 267 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,439 Let her come at me. 268 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,078 Yo, come on, now. 269 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,639 She'll see what she be messing with. 270 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:33,117 Yo, the lady ain't taken a visitor in 1 0 years 'cause she won't do strip search. 271 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,350 And she ain't dookied 272 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,072 -the whole time she been locked up. -Come on. 273 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,235 No, I'm serious. 274 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,197 -That's crazy. -Nah, for reals. 275 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:44,034 No one's ever seen her use the stalls! That's the truth. She don't poop. 276 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:47,510 She probably got a voodoo spell stopping up her butt. 277 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,232 That's some steel right there. 278 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:01,749 Maxi pads with wings are back in the commissary. 279 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:09,956 Swing shift guard detail. P m. cell check commences at 2 1 30 hours. 280 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,475 I had to rub Red's feet for this. 45 minutes. 281 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,198 You can't sit there. 282 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,031 How long are you gonna do this? 283 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,636 We both live here. We have to deal with each other. 284 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,073 No, we don't. 285 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,628 I plan on spending my entire sentence avoiding you. 286 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:35,789 Get over it. 287 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,474 We did some illegal shit and we both got caught. 288 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:40,712 You stole my life. 289 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,717 You stole my good life that I made after you. 290 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,151 Stay the fuck away from me. 291 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,752 Ladies, in-house programs will begin in one hour. 292 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,671 Is there a problem here? 293 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:58,873 No. 294 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,915 You bothering my friend here? 295 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,117 Dandelion, she bothering you? 296 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,350 No, we were just talking. 297 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,599 Yeah, she is bothering me. 298 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,793 Then you need to be on your way. 'Cause she don't like talking to you. 299 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,599 Not one bit. 300 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,155 Are you kidding me? 301 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,117 Move, bitch. 302 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,918 This is my wife here, so you need to step... 303 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,598 Well, no, I'm not actually your... 304 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:31,468 I will cut you! I will cut you, bitch! 305 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,437 Don't make me cut you! 306 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:37,877 You know where the fuck you at, bitch? You don't know me! 307 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,072 Take it easy, take it easy. 308 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,036 It's all right. We all good. 309 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,274 I'm not your wife. 310 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,595 I threw my pie for you. 311 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,711 The head should pass through your body in three to five days. 312 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,836 Unless you start vomiting or have severe cramping, 313 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,912 it's best just to let the body eliminate this on its own. 314 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,638 I'm gonna have to shit it out. 315 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:27,554 If it made it down your esophagus, it should travel the rest of the way. 316 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,915 If it doesn't pass in a week, we'll consider surgery. 317 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,712 Pay close attention to your stool. 318 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,353 I don't think I could miss it. 319 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,040 I'm going to have to put you on suicide watch. 320 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,910 What? Why? 321 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,309 We take swallowers very seriously. 322 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,756 You really think I would've eaten a bobble-head if I wanted to kill myself? 323 00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,112 Listen, Doc, I need my dosage. 324 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:53,149 I've given five years, $80,000 and my freedom for this. 325 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,630 I'm finally who I'm supposed to be. Do you understand? 326 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,438 I can't go back. 327 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:00,595 Look, 328 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,311 I'd like to help you. 329 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,192 Unfortunately, you have elevated levels of AST and ALT, 330 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:08,759 which could mean liver damage... 331 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,308 That's bullshit. That could mean anything. 332 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,993 We're gonna take you off your hormones entirely... 333 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,479 -What? -...until we can schedule an ultrasound. 334 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:17,788 Get a clean read. 335 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:19,708 But that could take months. 336 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,440 I can offer you an antidepressant. 337 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:24,829 I can't take it! 338 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:26,549 Can I open 'em? 339 00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:30,351 All righty. Open 'em. 340 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,153 Oh, my God. 341 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,077 -Good or bad? -Not good. 342 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:41,756 You look like Hannah Montana. That skirt is... 343 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,916 I thought it was so cute. 344 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,916 That's what happens when I shop for myself. 345 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,751 It's 'cause I never got to be a teenage girl. 346 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,432 And you never will be. 347 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,353 You should be dressing like a classy grown-up lady. 348 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,439 You think I'm classy? 349 00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:00,235 I can't have my husband walking 'round like a $2 hooker. 350 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,193 Let's see. 351 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,080 Yeah, this color looks good on you. 352 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,073 Come here. 353 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,355 Can't believe I'm doing this. 354 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:41,679 You don't have to. 355 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,233 Okay. 356 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,477 That is much better. 357 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:53,957 I can't zip it, but you get the idea. 358 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,755 Holy shit. I look hot. 359 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,752 Please keep it. 360 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:13,999 Crystal... 361 00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:16,953 I'm fine with the rest of it. The hair and the makeup. 362 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,640 I'll teach you all of it. You'll be a pro. 363 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,236 Just please keep your penis. 364 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,431 -You know I can't. -For me. 365 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,113 You don't have to stay. 366 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:41,874 No? 367 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,671 Where would I go? I mean, this is my family. 368 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:57,479 I got this for you. You can try it on if you want. 369 00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:58,953 I'm 1 0 pounds up. 370 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:02,157 Besides, your tits are better than mine. 371 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,513 You're perfect. 372 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,039 Come here. 373 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,514 -You can't leave me alone with my mother. -I know, I know. 374 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,433 I promised your brother I'd help him fix the roof of his trailer. 375 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,112 I need a buffer! 376 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,071 Why can't you just come and visit me 377 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:35,918 every single waking moment that you're allowed to 378 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,991 and make your life all about me? 379 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,153 Piper, we talked about this, okay? Visits every other week, so I can have a life. 380 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,071 You said that. These are your words. 381 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,553 But I'm an idiot. 382 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,234 Okay, here's the game, 383 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,515 you remember every rude thing she says, all right? 384 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:51,635 And then next week, 385 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,355 we will rank them in order from kind of crazy 386 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,954 to truly bat-shit bananas. 387 00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,315 It'll be fun! Come on, Piper. 388 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,355 I can't cancel. He's living under a tarp. 389 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:04,879 Jesus. 390 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,233 When is he gonna get his shit together? 391 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,358 I'm not sure that Cal gets the "family fuck-up" title anymore. 392 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:16,873 You okay, Pipes? 393 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,714 In-house programs start in one hour. 394 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,398 Are those groceries? 395 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,160 Yes. But... 396 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:25,958 You forgot to bring the bags. 397 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:32,394 I did, but I'm gonna eat the bag later, so don't worry. Planet is safe. 398 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,120 Did you go to Whole Foods? What did you get? 399 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:36,753 A bunch of stuff. 400 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:42,677 No, no, no. Be specific. Tell me everything. In detail. Just take me away. 401 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,149 Okay, I got some crispy snap peas, 402 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,073 I got some cherry juice for my smoothies. 403 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,069 God, smoothies. 404 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,316 Then some purple kale, Uncle Eddie's vegan cookies. 405 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,079 I can feel them in my mouth. 406 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:05,193 Then I got, you know, those bulk roasted almonds. 407 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:09,239 You know, with the sugar coating on the top? 408 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,514 Yeah, yeah, the crack almonds. 409 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,113 The crack almonds. 410 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:17,554 And, well, then I got some heirloom tomatoes. 411 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,034 Last of the season, you know? 412 00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:25,875 Super plump and ripe. Engorged almost. 413 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:29,919 With some wet, juicy buffalo mozzarella. 414 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,958 And some sweet, sweet-ass organic blueberries. 415 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,360 My cock is hard. And I'm rubbing it against your ass. 416 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:38,595 What? What? 417 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,148 -What? -Are you trying to have phone sex with me? 418 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:45,392 I thought that's what we... I'm confused. 419 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,833 There are guards listening. They sit in a bubble and they listen. 420 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,513 I'm sure people do it all the time. 421 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,471 And there's a woman weeping next to me. 422 00:26:55,040 --> 00:27:00,273 Okay. Well, I'm just gonna go jerk off then. For the 500th time today. 423 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:02,919 Sweetie, I'm sorry. 424 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,072 No, it's okay. 425 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,833 I'm reliving my youth. I'm 1 4 again. 426 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,275 I know. I don't wanna... 427 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:12,594 I love you. 428 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:16,798 I love your little boobs. 429 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,549 Oh, my God! 430 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:21,675 No! 431 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,513 You're not allowed to put stuff on the walls. 432 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,955 Everyone has stuff on their walls. 433 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:36,434 Officer! 434 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:39,513 What's going on? 435 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:41,795 Tell her she gotta take that ugly shit down. 436 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:47,434 Your kid draw that? 437 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:50,149 I did. 438 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,597 -Sorry, I didn't mean... -No, it's okay. 439 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,990 I kind of messed it up. My eyes are too small. 440 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,553 No, it's nice. 441 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,715 I mean, it's cool that you can draw, you know? 442 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:04,028 It's art. 443 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,709 So you gonna allow that shit? 444 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,718 She can leave it up. 445 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:17,029 Fine. 446 00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:20,078 Then I'm gonna put my pictures up of Kanye. 447 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:24,871 -What did you do to your hair? -I had to give it to a transsexual. 448 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,758 For a weave. 449 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:29,831 Interesting. 450 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,549 Your dad sends his love. He wanted to come, but... 451 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:35,596 No, I get it. He doesn't wanna see me like this. 452 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:36,829 Here. 453 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,990 They didn't frisk me at the door. 454 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,594 I mean, this could totally be a fake belly full of drugs. 455 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,113 How would they ever know? 456 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,750 I get strip searched on the way out. Squat and cough. 457 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:48,793 Piper, please. 458 00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:51,917 You didn't touch anything in that bathroom, did you? 459 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,918 Everything around here is so sticky. 460 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:58,595 But the people are much cleaner than I thought they'd be. 461 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,072 How are you feeling, Pol? 462 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,189 Large. Hostile. Nothing new. 463 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,955 I am so excited for you. For all of us. 464 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,315 It is so smart to do this now. 465 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:15,109 I told Piper, it's much harder to conceive when you're in your late 30s. 466 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:16,835 Thanks, Mom. 467 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:18,439 But it's true. 468 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,080 You just don't have a lot of time to waste. 469 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:25,597 That's exactly what I need right now. A reminder of my ebbing fertility. 470 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,471 I'll go get some snacks. 471 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:38,990 The whole way up she hummed Édith Piaf songs and ate pistachios. 472 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:42,990 You owe me. I wanted alone time with you. 473 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:44,914 I have a wife! 474 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,071 -What? -A prison wife. 475 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,515 Her name is Crazy Eyes and she follows me everywhere. 476 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,153 That really happens? 477 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:53,034 Jeez. 478 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,749 Are her eyes, like, bulgy or crossed, or is one lid kind of droopy? 479 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,233 -What kind of crazy? -They're just crazy. 480 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,709 They're just full of crazy. It's terrifying. 481 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,360 I'm afraid to tell Larry because I don't want him to worry. 482 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,238 But she's extremely persistent. 483 00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,356 She follows me everywhere. 484 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:10,239 She threw pie for me. 485 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:11,879 Did she rape you? 486 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,718 No, she didn't rape me. 487 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:16,831 But she held my hand. 488 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,031 That's kind of sweet. 489 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,237 I wish Pete would hold my hand. But he says it makes his palms sweat. 490 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,038 And he won't stop laughing in birthing class. 491 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:25,678 He's like a seventh grader. 492 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,110 I just told you that I have a wife. 493 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:29,428 I heard you. That really sucks. 494 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,193 But you were supposed to be my wife, Piper, remember? 495 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,431 I'm kind of freaking out that you're not gonna be there. 496 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:37,639 I know. 497 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,358 I'm sorry. 498 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,715 We just got this crib pad that sets off an alarm if the baby stops breathing. 499 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,358 Which could totally happen. 500 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:46,634 I mean, that's a thing. 501 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:48,870 And there's a skinny bitch in my pre-natal yoga, 502 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:50,792 she's a stick who swallowed a grapefruit. 503 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,235 The other day she asked me if I was having twins. 504 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,276 Thank God. I'm starving. 505 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:56,549 Skittles. 506 00:30:56,640 --> 00:31:01,031 Did you know that inmates are not allowed to touch money in this place? 507 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,913 The guard just told me. Fascinating. 508 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,074 So what about the Barney's order? Did you find a warehouse? 509 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,839 I got a couple of sketchy bids. I haven't had time to go look. 510 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,353 Well, that's why we hired Mariana. 511 00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,158 I fired her. 512 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:15,832 She doesn't know how to make a Word document. 513 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:17,399 And she doesn't shave her pits. 514 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,636 Wait, but why didn't you ask me first? 515 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:20,909 That's not fair. 516 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,517 Honey, it's not as if we can pick up a phone and call you. 517 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,352 I know it's hard, 518 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,750 but the rest of us have to keep living our lives. 519 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:41,748 How you doing, Red? 520 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:43,353 I'm missing half my zucchini. 521 00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,432 These girls don't realize I'm here to provide food, not dildos. 522 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,829 I'm all out of cucumbers, carrots, beets. 523 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,354 God knows what they're doing with those. 524 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,954 Can't hang on to anything cock-shaped. 525 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,551 Sorry. Too soon? 526 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:03,235 A little. 527 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,550 You, I don't understand you. 528 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:07,992 I got three sons, and let me tell you, 529 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,116 if they tried to do what you did, 530 00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:14,313 I'd chop off their hands before I'd let them get rid of their baby makers. 531 00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,390 I already made my baby. 532 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,472 Listen, I need you to get something in. 533 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:23,958 Talk to Gina. She takes my orders, you know how this goes. 534 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:27,436 It's something that's hard to get. Estrogen pills or patches. 535 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,556 -I don't do drugs. -It's medication. 536 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,150 I got rules. No drugs. Nothing like that comes through my kitchen. 537 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:37,631 Besides, even if I wanted to help you, I don't have connections like that. 538 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,319 Here, have a yam. 539 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,834 My mamochka ate those during her menopause. 540 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:48,435 And I'll get you some soy, but that's the best I can do. 541 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,356 What if I have my own connections? 542 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:56,274 Do you not hear me, huh? It's not gonna happen. 543 00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,591 Listen, sweetheart, there's other channels. 544 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,509 But I really don't think you wanna go down that road. 545 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,160 You wanna go down that road? I say Jordans. 546 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,549 -Those are cool. -Those are gay. 547 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:15,795 I like the Lebrons. 548 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,518 You want the highs or the lows? 549 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:18,669 Both. 550 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:19,829 No. Pick one, baby. 551 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:23,071 If it were up to me, my man, I'd say the lows. 552 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:24,388 Those Dunkmans are tight. 553 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,272 They're the hottest pair of kicks to drop this year. 554 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:27,435 How much? 555 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:28,879 $300. 556 00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:31,593 We'll take 'em, right? 557 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:44,436 Stand up. Check 'em out. You're gonna love those shoes. 558 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:45,959 Excuse me, do you have... 559 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:47,712 Hey, Michael, what are you doing here? 560 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:52,029 Shit! 561 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:53,275 Hi, Pat. 562 00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:55,073 Shit... 563 00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:57,148 Yeah. 564 00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:58,759 I... 565 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:00,671 Deborah's doing some shopping, so I just thought I'd... 566 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,638 Did you get my letter? I was hoping to hear from you. 567 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:05,751 Yeah, I was... 568 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,519 I'm sorry. I gotta go. 569 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,118 Take care, Michael. 570 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,553 Nice kicks. 571 00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,790 Sometimes it's hard for people. 572 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,154 Michael. 573 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:25,398 Michael! No! 574 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,279 Sir. Ma'am. You need to pay for those. 575 00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:36,069 Attention, inmates, the pharmacy window will be closing at 1 530 hours. 576 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,668 Hey. You wanted to see me? 577 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:41,835 Yes, Chapman. 578 00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,633 Bravo dorms, assemble for visitation hall. 579 00:34:44,720 --> 00:34:48,030 We do not choose roommates around here. 580 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:52,113 This type of hanky-panky is against prison regulations. 581 00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,555 I warned you about this when you first came in. 582 00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:57,597 I don't know what you're talking about. 583 00:35:00,720 --> 00:35:05,555 Warren just informed me that you'd like to be bunked together. 584 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:07,993 Warren? Who is that? 585 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:12,355 Crazy Eyes? 586 00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,790 This is not gonna fly around here. Not on my watch. 587 00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:18,914 Lesbian request denied. 588 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,550 Okay, wait! I had nothing to do with that! 589 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,274 Believe me, the last thing I want is to be anywhere near her. 590 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,237 I've been trying to shake her for days. 591 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:27,913 This didn't come from you? 592 00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,230 No! Absolutely not. 593 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,959 Please don't put me with her. Please. 594 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,794 I would like to stay as far away from that as possible. 595 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,355 I was hoping that that was the case. 596 00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,150 She is completely nuts. 597 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:46,437 No, I know. I've had trouble with her before. 598 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,512 She's what we call a "stud," 599 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,114 which is very confusing for a nice girl like you, 600 00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:55,437 because, let's be honest, she looks like a man. 601 00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:58,913 If it were up to me, I'd take all the butch ones 602 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:00,871 and I'd put them in a "little boy's wing," 603 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,633 and I'd separate them from the general community. 604 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:08,232 Ran that up the ladder a couple of times, got no traction at all. 605 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:11,188 My advice? 606 00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,350 Let her down easy. 607 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:20,517 She's volatile, that one. She was removed from the puppy program. 608 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,993 Lesbians can be very dangerous. 609 00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:30,231 It's the testosterone. 610 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:36,270 They took my moisturizer, guys. I had to walk through the airport barefoot. 611 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,716 I mean, if Bush fucking wins again, we're all moving to Berlin! 612 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,868 Hey, you, Laura Ingalls Wilder. 613 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:51,512 We're escaping America before the apocalypse. Wanna come? 614 00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,314 Sorry? 615 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:54,993 What can I get for you? 616 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,119 Hi, I was wondering if you're hiring? 617 00:36:58,440 --> 00:36:59,634 No, I'm sorry. 618 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:01,079 Well, can I leave this with you? 619 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:04,755 Honestly, it's just gonna end up in a drawer somewhere, so... 620 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:07,114 Okay. 621 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:08,555 Well, 622 00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:14,319 can I have a margarita then? 623 00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:16,269 That I can do for you. 624 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,198 It's a little cold out for a margarita, don't you think? 625 00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:31,631 Let's see this. 626 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:36,110 Steve's Greek Cuisine? Le Grand Fromage? 627 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:37,713 Bullshit, bullshit. 628 00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:39,552 You need a lesson in fudging a resume. 629 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:40,709 Do you work here? 630 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:42,398 Are you fucking kidding me? 631 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:45,837 Manager, Polly Harper. 632 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:48,718 No one named Polly Harper gets put in charge. 633 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:49,789 Who is that really? 634 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:51,319 It's my friend. 635 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,868 You've never waited a fucking table in your life, have you? 636 00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,234 No. 637 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:03,789 So, Piper Chapman, 638 00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:10,069 "A Smith grad with excellent listening skills, passionate about making diners feel good." 639 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,230 That sounds kind of dirty. 640 00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,038 You can put that on my tab. 641 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,153 "Safe, clean, and careful when handling food and drink." 642 00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:19,959 Gosh. 643 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,951 I like that in a woman. 644 00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:25,753 What else do I need to know about you? 645 00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:29,278 Who are you? 646 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:31,918 My name is Alex. 647 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,191 And what do you do, Alex? 648 00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:39,993 Besides make fun of strangers in bars? 649 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,873 I work for an international drug cartel. 650 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,835 Come on. You telling me you don't get lonely out here 651 00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,911 in the middle of nowhere? 652 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,754 No, I'm not into people. I'm more into beans. 653 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:59,469 Did you see my long beans? They're going off. 654 00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:01,391 And my banjo. 655 00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:04,870 Those are my friends, my beans and my banjo. 656 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:07,554 And I'm banging this underwater welder. 657 00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:08,989 Wow. 658 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,798 You gotta have hobbies. 659 00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:12,755 What about you? 660 00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:15,308 What's happening with the writing? No gigs? 661 00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:19,678 Been a little distracted. Maybe you heard, my fiancée's in prison. 662 00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:23,397 Hey, when you visit, do you get to... 663 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,555 No, they don't allow conjugals in federal. 664 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:32,032 -It's a lot of me, myself and I. -Bummer. 665 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:34,993 You gotta try edging, man. 666 00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:36,348 What is that? 667 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:40,513 It's where you jerk off, okay? 668 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,909 Right to the point of orgasm 669 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:46,079 and then stop. 670 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:48,554 And you do this because... 671 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:52,189 Because your jizz is your power, man. It's spiritual, it keeps your Chi inside. 672 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:54,191 Especially if you got writer's block. 673 00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:59,035 You gotta walk right up to that line, bro, and not cross it. 674 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:00,588 And this is something you do? 675 00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:01,675 Yeah. Welder chick taught me. 676 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:06,276 See, you gotta... You gotta grab right underneath your balls, 677 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:08,555 Iike, right here, you really gotta get up right up in there. 678 00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:09,755 Okay, yeah. 679 00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:11,558 And it creates, like, a whole body thing. 680 00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:13,312 Kind of like a female orgasm. 681 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,231 You know, most dudes, they don't know what women got, 682 00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:16,389 but trust me, bro, 683 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,880 it is way, way better. 684 00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:22,598 A lot of creative people do it. 685 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:28,515 In fact, they say that John Lennon wrote Imagine right at that sweet spot. 686 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:37,558 Fifteen months. 687 00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:42,115 Whoa. It's a long time to wait. Even if it is for my sister. 688 00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,509 How about we don't talk about sex with your sister? 689 00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:46,039 Good point. 690 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:50,475 Did you see this coming? 691 00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,835 With Piper? 692 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:57,198 No, no, not jail, but something, yeah. 693 00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:03,070 She wants to feel like she's different. 694 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,598 Likes the whole "I'm risky" thing. 695 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:09,997 My sister's a complicated cat. 696 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:13,318 So I'm learning. 697 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,910 Not like my parents ever saw it. 698 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,434 Between "Perfect Piper" and "Doctor Danny," 699 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,080 they met their quality parenting quota. 700 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:26,039 But, like, I was free to smoke a bowl and fuck off for the rest of my life 701 00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,236 with nobody ever bothering me. 702 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,949 Now, my mom's talking about coming up here to visit, 703 00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:33,951 putting me in the Christmas letter. 704 00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,508 Suddenly I'm "Creative Cal." 705 00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:38,679 It's fucked up. 706 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:46,719 Piper going to jail might be, like, the worst thing that has ever happened to me. 707 00:41:57,240 --> 00:41:58,389 Sophia! 708 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,471 I got you a present. 709 00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:02,835 It's powder foundation in medium dark. 710 00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:04,871 I had to guess. I hope it's all right. 711 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:08,197 Honey, it's perfect. That's real sweet of you. 712 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:09,599 Thank you. 713 00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:11,312 You're welcome. 714 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:17,478 I got commissary. 715 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:19,152 Look whose ship finally came in! 716 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:20,954 Here. 717 00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,230 This is payback for all the stuff you gave me. 718 00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:28,638 And, Nicky, here's your cup. 719 00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:33,476 And Nivea. That's interest. 720 00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,591 What else you got, kid? I'll take that face wash. 721 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,751 Don't be a commissary ho, DeMarco. 722 00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:41,316 And these... It's like Christmas! 723 00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,750 Yo, P, heads up. You got a visitor. 724 00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:48,152 Hello, baby. 725 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:51,194 Can I talk to you? 726 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,154 Inmate Peterson, please return to the prison chapel. 727 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,434 Listen, Suzanne. 728 00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:06,039 I know that you like me... 729 00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:08,634 I don't just like you, Piper. 730 00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:10,278 I got feelings. 731 00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:13,913 Love feelings. 732 00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:16,278 Yeah, I got that. 733 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,709 You know, maybe I was unclear, 734 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:24,315 and I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, 735 00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:31,989 but I cannot be your wife. 736 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,516 I've already promised to be someone else's wife. Larry. 737 00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:38,034 Whom I love very much. 738 00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:41,157 And I'm just not interested in anybody else. 739 00:43:41,240 --> 00:43:43,800 This is nothing personal. 740 00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:46,030 But you and I? 741 00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:49,153 Not gonna happen. 742 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:54,719 I feel you. 743 00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:03,838 Where is he? 744 00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:06,349 He won't come. I tried. 745 00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:09,595 They let him pitch Friday. 746 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,672 This big game against Castle Hill. They won. 747 00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:14,671 That's great. 748 00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:18,158 You look like shit. What's wrong? 749 00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:21,753 They took me off my hormones. 750 00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,273 What, why? 751 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:24,634 They're saying it's liver damage. 752 00:44:24,720 --> 00:44:27,473 It's bullshit. They just don't wanna be liable. 753 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:29,834 I'm sorry, baby. 754 00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:31,189 I'm losing my shit, Crystal. 755 00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:35,990 I didn't wanna have to ask you, but I don't know what else to do. 756 00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:42,590 I need you to sneak 'em in. 757 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,079 How? 758 00:44:49,720 --> 00:44:51,073 I don't know. 759 00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:52,952 You want me to shove 'em up my ass? 760 00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:54,792 Take 'em out in the bathroom? Then what? 761 00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:58,993 Put 'em in my mouth so I can kiss you? Have you lost your fucking mind? 762 00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:00,678 It's crazy, I know. 763 00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,791 You want me to get locked up, too? That's perfect. 764 00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:07,510 Yeah, Michael can go live with my mother, who won't speak to me anymore at all. 765 00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:09,278 But you? 766 00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:13,751 Well, you'll have your smooth skin and your lady curves, so it'll all be worth it. 767 00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,753 I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry. 768 00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:22,238 I'm working two jobs, I'm trying to raise our son. 769 00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:23,878 You know they trying to seize the house? 770 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:25,757 They can't do that. 771 00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:29,276 I never paid any of our bills with those stolen credit cards. 772 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:31,908 I can't even show my face in church anymore. 773 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:33,479 I'm sorry. 774 00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:36,956 How fucking selfish can you be? 775 00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:39,913 Crystal, if they take this away from me, 776 00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,030 this will all have been for nothing. 777 00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:51,709 I married a man named Marcus. 778 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:56,548 I cry for him all the time. 779 00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,552 But I stayed and I supported you 780 00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:04,313 because I could see how much pain you were in. 781 00:46:05,720 --> 00:46:07,472 I know it was saving your life. 782 00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:08,953 It was. 783 00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:12,550 I figured better my kid had two moms than a dead dad, right? 784 00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:17,998 At least he'd be around, which is more than my father was. 785 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:24,033 At least he'd be at his baseball games, even if it was in a dress. 786 00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:28,752 So I put up with you becoming a woman, 787 00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,638 but I never signed on for a life with a criminal. 788 00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:39,794 I'm gonna get my shit together. I promise. I'm gonna make it up to you. 789 00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:41,393 You wanna make it up to me? 790 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,630 Do your time. 791 00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:48,355 Get the fuck out of here, so you can be a father to your son. 792 00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:52,879 Man up. 793 00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:01,114 What the fuck is this? 794 00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,156 We're reassigning you. Get your things. 795 00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:05,996 You fucking kidding me? 796 00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:08,314 You had me moved? 797 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,433 Who's running this place? 798 00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:13,714 Not you. 799 00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:15,836 Shut your mouth and get your things. 800 00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:19,271 Watch yourself, little girl. 801 00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,396 This is not America, 802 00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:24,397 this is The Litch, 803 00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:26,948 and I've been here a long while. 804 00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:08,671 Inmate Stuart, report to inmate work station two. 805 00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:10,671 Officer Roberts, guard detail, central library. 806 00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:16,351 I'm in here at 5:. 00 just about every day. You don't like it, avoid it. 807 00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:22,239 You named me. 808 00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:25,153 -What? -You didn't have to take me down with you. 809 00:48:25,240 --> 00:48:26,514 Is that what all this is about? 810 00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:28,670 You think I turned you in? 811 00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:31,268 You haven't seen me in five years, 812 00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:34,193 you had no idea what was going on with me. 813 00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:36,316 I am a different person. I was building a life... 814 00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:39,631 Well, hurray for you. It wasn't me, Piper. 815 00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:40,909 Bullshit! 816 00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:42,592 You never ever forgave me for leaving. 817 00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:43,829 Thirteen people were indicted. 818 00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:45,956 You met all of them. We traveled together. 819 00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:47,075 I know it was you. 820 00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:48,388 No, it wasn't! 821 00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:50,471 And fuck you for thinking it was! 822 00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:51,749 Right, what did they give you? 823 00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:54,400 Time off for every innocent person that you threw under the bus? 824 00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:57,358 Innocent? That is fucking hilarious! 825 00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:00,874 You carried that bag. No one had a gun to your head. 826 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:05,152 Your fiancé might buy this bullshit, but I know you. 827 00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:08,437 I know you. 828 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,438 And there were no complaints when I took you all over the world, 829 00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:14,351 but the second shit got real... 830 00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:15,509 You put me in danger. 831 00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:17,591 You loved it. 832 00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:23,715 You were just this boring little girl from Connecticut, 833 00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:25,870 who wanted to feel special and bad. 834 00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:29,390 -Don't turn this around on me. -I didn't name you. 835 00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:33,439 And, yeah, maybe I never forgave you for leaving, 836 00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:36,751 because you broke my fucking heart. 837 00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,877 And maybe I've done a lot of fucked up things in my life, 838 00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:42,110 but I've never lied to you. 839 00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:44,549 Ever. 840 00:49:57,120 --> 00:49:58,314 I'm stuck. 841 00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:02,552 I think my necklace is caught on my shirt or in my hair or maybe both. 842 00:50:04,720 --> 00:50:05,994 So you want me to... 843 00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:07,957 Yeah. Yeah. 844 00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:10,633 Oh, man. 845 00:50:10,720 --> 00:50:12,836 Don't look at my belly. 846 00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:14,473 There. 847 00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:17,519 You're free. 848 00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:19,553 Yeah, right. 849 00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:34,356 -Hello? -Hey, baby, it's me. 850 00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:38,075 Hey! How was the visit with your mom? 851 00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:40,549 Listen, Larry, I need you to do something for me, 852 00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:41,669 and I don't wanna talk about it. 853 00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:44,752 I need you to find out if Alex Vause named me at her trial. 854 00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:49,033 But wait, my dad said the testimony was sealed. 855 00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:50,599 Why the sudden interest? 856 00:50:50,720 --> 00:50:54,872 I don't know. It's just eating at me. I got a lot of time on my hands. 857 00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:58,430 Please, Larry. There's got to be a way. Will you talk to him? 858 00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:02,274 Her name is Alex Vause. V-A-U-S-E. 859 00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:04,952 This is really important to me. 860 00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:06,712 Yeah, okay. But... 861 00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:08,233 And I don't wanna talk about it. 862 00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:13,599 And my mother told me that my eggs are getting old. 863 00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,952 Chapman! Get your things together. You're moving down to B dorm. 864 00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:22,758 Cube 1 8! 865 00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:24,159 That's the ghetto. 866 00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:26,269 What? 867 00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:28,993 They got you in the ghetto. 868 00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:31,833 Good luck, Chapman. You're gonna need it. 869 00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:21,512 That's your bed. These are your hooks. 870 00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:26,718 I am nobody's cleaning lady and I make honor cube every week, 871 00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:29,115 so you do your part and then some. 872 00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:31,794 My floor's my pride, 873 00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:35,475 so no shoes, leave them off before you step in. 874 00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:38,672 And I see that nonsense go down in the cafeteria. 875 00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:40,472 I don't care if you're gay or what, 876 00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:44,109 but you bring any drama in here and we'll have trouble. 877 00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:47,556 I don't tolerate foolishness in my bunk. Understand? 878 00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:01,029 The following inmates have prescriptions waiting in the infirmary... 879 00:53:14,240 --> 00:53:16,037 -You have the right to remain silent. -I don't understand! 880 00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:17,917 -What's happening? -Anything you say or do 881 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,353 can and will be held against you in a court of law. 882 00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:20,998 -You have the right to an attorney. -What did you do? 883 00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:23,548 If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. 884 00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:26,108 Do you understand these rights as I just read 'em to you? 885 00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:29,634 Yes. 886 00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:32,553 With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me? 887 00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:39,634 No. 888 00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:48,232 Officer Williams, inmate services, station 2365. 889 00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:49,992 Hey, Burset! 890 00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:03,273 I heard you've been looking for something. 891 00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:06,356 Change your mind about that Egg McMuffin? 892 00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,715 You've got the wrong girl.