[OWL HOOTING]
[THUNDER CRASHING]
You gave so much in life.
I hope your soul's rest is perfect and peaceful,
because your body's in for a long ride.
[SPITS]
If the coffin's a- rockin', don't come a-knockin'.
[GIGGLES]
Garret, wait a second.
Why is there no casket?
[DEEP VOICE] 'Cause there was nothing left of his father to bury.
- [WHIMPERING] - [SQUELCHING]
[YELPING]
[SQUELCHES]
Come join us, brother.
[SIGHS]
[FEMININE VOICE] Welcome.
You'll be happy here.
[BRITISH VOICE] I think I like it already.
[NORMAL VOICE] Hi, pop.
[ENGINE REVVING]
- [ENGINES REVVING] - [QUIET GIGGLING]
So Dollface has this gigantic insider guard in a chokehold,
when all of a sudden I hear this loud...
[POPS]
The guard is dead as hell,
and his eyeballs are just dangling out of their sockets.
Dollface is like, "guess this guy's a sailor man,
because I just made him Popeye."
[LAUGHING] Oh, that's *** crazy.
She has so many stories like that,
and she tells them way better than me.
You would know that if you stopped avoiding her.
I'm not avoiding her.
I'm just not going out of my way to interact with her.
There's a difference.
All right, if we're being honest, she's just not my cup of tea.
You don't even know her.
If my brother was in the car behind us,
I sure as hell wouldn't be riding with your dumb ass.
Family isn't just being related, okay?
If I was a beaver, I wouldn't spend all my time
hanging out with other big ass rodents.
If a gator was cool, and the vibe was right,
I'D kick it with him.
- Shit, not again. - What?
Oh, let's check it sat the next stop.
No. Pull over now. If something's wrong,
you should address it right away.
Pull over right here.
Go talk to your sister, ***!
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[CHUCKLING]
You piss her off?
Get in. You, out.
Someone need a ride?
I told you, we're done, and I meant it.
[SIGHS]
That's what I like about the Jeremy Express.
It's all caboose.
[ENGINE REVS]
I love what you've done with the interior.
Really shows pride of ownership.
Still a neat freak.
So, what was it like being back at our old house?
Like prison, just with a lot of pizza.
Come on, nothing in there caught your interest?
[SCOFFS] The Baby-Sitters Club.
[LAUGHING] Oh, shit.
- I used to love those books. - Word?
Yeah, yeah. Ah, I had such a crush on Logan.
Okay, so I gotta know,
how did Abby join the BSC in book 89?
Abby?
- Abby. Abby. - Uh, Abby, I--
I don't remember.
Well, excuse me for not remembering a book,
Mr. "I bonked my head and literally can't remember anything."
Well, it's not like I'm trying not to remember.
I'm dying. Should we make camp?
- [STATIC CRACKLES] - Yeah, Ash.
We'll head for Diesel City at first light.
Why don't you go set up by the water tower up ahead?
John and I are going to take a little detour.
Detour? I don't want to take a detour.
Shut up. You do. We're going.
- Copy that. - Have fun, John.
Copy that. Ashley and I
will be scouting for food and supplies, over.
Who knows?
Maybe I'll get lucky, find me a muffin.
I told you, the bakery's closed.
Checking for bakery hours.
Finally. Ready to *** rock.
[MICHELLE BRANCH'S "EVERYWHERE" PLAYING]
"Just tell me how I got this far"
"Just tell me why you're here and who you are"
"'Cause every time I look" "You're never there"
"And every time I sleep" "You're always there"
Here we go!
- "'Cause you're everywhere to me" - Would you shut up?
- [SCREAMING] - [TIRES SQUEALING]
[STEREO CUTS OFF]
What the hell are you doing here?
Covering my ears mostly.
- That's John's CD. - Yeah.
What are you doing in my trunk?
You stood up for me back there.
You...
You saved me, Quiet.
[GUN COCKS]
All right, I laid it on a little thick at the end there.
Fine. Look,
I want to enter the tournament.
[LAUGHING]
It's not funny.
Oh, it is the way I'm picturing it.
You'd be dead two minutes in, all flattened out, eyes crossed,
- tongue hanging out. - That will not be me. Okay?
You're looking at the best driver on the West Coast.
- No I'm not. - Yes, you are.
- Think so? - Know so.
Prove it.
[BUTTONS CLICKING]
Wow, you don't have a goddamn clue what you're doing, do you?
I am just getting my bearings.
You know, my ex-husband's car was European.
It was a lot cooler than this.
All right, just put it in gear.
- [TIRES SQUEAL] - Oh, my God!
[SCREAMING]
Stop, stop, stop, oh, my God.
Why did you throw it in reverse?
D is for drive, dumbass. What--no, I put it in drive.
D, drive. That's an R.
Do you not know how to read either?
No. Of course I can read. You're looking at
the best reader on the West Coast.
Okay, that's it.
Get out. We're done.
- [LOCKS CLICK] - Ha, got you!
Who's the dumb ass now?
Have fun walking to Diesel City, ***.
Eat my diggity dust!
[TIRES SQUEALING, ENGINE CLANKING]
Oh, shit.
[COUGHING]
Oh, no, the dust.
Shut up!
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[GROANS]
Faster to go by canoe.
You know what? Fine. Fine, whatever.
Just wake me up when Dollface gets back.
she'll teach me.
Is that what you think is going to happen?
She gives zero ***.
I sort of gave one teeny ***,
but, damn, I guess I was wrong.
[LOCKS CLICK]
Millennium Drive-In.
Headlights, Camera, Action.
I don't even want to know what kind of action
got blood all the way up there.
Where are you going?
We stopped here one year on the family road trip.
Your little mind was blown by watching a movie in a car.
You were so obsessed,
you made Dad take us here every summer.
- Come on. - You're insane if you think I'm going in there.
This shit looks haunted.
You're still afraid of ghosts?
[SCOFFS] Wow.
Amnesia really is a ***.
You forget your whole life, but still remember to be a ***.
I'll show you a ***!
Hold up, wait!
"L & K wuz here."
This was our spot.
Hmm. Come on, get in.
[LOUD CLANGING]
My God, would you chill?
- There's nobody here but us. - I know that.
Get in the car.
Come on.
I would try and get the projector working,
but I'm not going in that shack.
It's okay. We're not here for that anyway.
I was hoping
we could shake some memories loose.
Maybe this will help.
So whenever there was a car chase scene,
Dad would let you climb over into the driver's seat
and pretend like you were in the movie.
And you would go crazy
just pulling at the steering wheel,
yelling all your little quips.
- Dry steering? - Mm-hmm.
You mean to tell me they would let me
torque at the tie rods like that?
Not to mention scuff the tires.
So our parents really treated their vehicles like that?
Ooh, cool your jets there, Martin Luther Keys.
You were little. You couldn't do any real damage.
But we did do a number on the upholstery though.
Every time Mom and Dad would go to the snack shack,
we would climb through the sunroof
and scuff up the back seats. That would piss them off.
[WHISTLING]
- What you staring at me for? - The family whistle?
It was Dad's way of telling us to sit our asses down.
I swear you could hear it from miles away.
Right, it's like when Abby's dad taught her
how to whistle through an acorn cap.
Would you shut up about the stupid *** book?
Look at me. Are you even trying to remember?
No. I'm not.
You want to know what it was like for me being in that house?
All the pictures, all the stuff in my room,
all the things I'm supposed to remember, but I don't.
And then realizing if I did get my memory back...
I'd just be weighed down by everything that I lost.
My parents, my sister, myself.
I'd rather just be me, be John.
- But you're Lionel. - Lionel's dead!
[GUNFIRE]
- What was that? - I don't know, you brought me here!
- [LOUD THRUMMING] - [YELPING]
[THRUMMING]
[GUNFIRE]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[CHUCKLING]
What the ***?
[SCREAMING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[PANTING]
What the *** am I even looking at right now?
I don't know, but whatever he is,
he's not wearing a shirt, and he's *** jacked.
Those perfectly formed pectorials
are basically bull's eyes. Watch this.
[GUNSHOT RICOCHETS]
[SCREAMS]
[YELPING] Oh, I'm so sorry!
You shot me! What the ***?
I'll lay down suppressive fire, and you run.
- Okay. - Run!
- [HISSING] - [WINCING]
Goddammit!
[PANTING]
- In there! - Go, go, go!
Oh, shit. [PANTING]
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
[ENGINE REVVING NEARBY]
[SIGHING]
Oh my God, you *** shot me.
- What the ***? - I'm so sorry!
- Please don't cry. - I'm not gonna cry, ***!
- Ow, Jesus! - It's okay. Is it bad?
Oh, shit. Uh, it's barely noticeable.
[GROWLING] No, no, no, It's not--you can't even see--
- [MUFFLED SCREAMING] - Shh!
- [CRUNCHING] - [YELPING]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
[PANTING]
Here, sew it up. Sew it up. I don't want a nasty scar.
Right.
I got this, okay.
- Come on. Have you got it? - Yeah, I got it.
- You got it? - Okay. Do I come from the top
- or the bottom? - You ain't got shit!
- Okay, I-- - Hold onto this.
- Okay, okay, okay. - Make yourself useful.
- Okay. - God.
Oh, that's so aggressive.
- [WINCING] - [SQUEALING]
Before you even start the car, do your checks.
Gassed up, guns loaded, mirrors clear of vultures,
hands on the wheel at ten and two.
No way! I wanna look cool when I cross the finish line.
Okay, yeah. First lesson.
- [ENGINE REVVING] - [SCREAMING]
You gotta outrun some vultures. Think fast.
[GRUNTING]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Tried to 180 out of here, and the vultures caught you.
You're dead.
- [SIGHS] - Again.
- Wrong. - [YELLING]
Nope.
Dead, dead, dead.
Lesson two.
- Holy men dead ahead. - Shit, shit!
You're hanging your ass out.
[GRUNTING] Oh, ***!
[TIRES SQUEALING]
You were supposed to drive through the barrels.
Guess what? You died again.
[MAYHEM GROANS] Goddamn it.
Time for your final exam. Drive.
-What are you doing? -[GUNSHOT]
-[SCREAMS] -There's a killer clown
with flaming hair right behind us.
-What's the move? -At first I--
-[GUNSHOT] -Go!
You didn't even give me a chance!
Time to obey! Think fast!
-[GUNSHOT] -[TIRES SQUEALING]
You giving up? I knew it.
I knew you weren't cut out for this.
*** you, Quiet!
[TRUNK SLAMS]
I don't even want to know what nasty diseases
you gave yourself using that dirty ass needle.
I don't need medical advice, Dr. Piss.
We just need to figure out
how we're getting past those sound wave things.
without sexy car man knowing that we're in here.
Well, if we're going to make it out of here,
we're going to need a better vantage point.
I'm going to climb to the top of the projection screen.
No, you're not.
We're going to the concession stand.
Whatever's powering those sound wave thingies
is for sure coming from there.
Wait.
Wait, I'm remembering something.
-Really? -Yeah.
-What? -I remember telling you
it was a *** bad idea to come in here!
Shh!
Do you hear that?
It's the sound of a scared little ***.
Oh, wait, that's you.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[CLANGING]
Did you see those metal hands?
This *** is full of surprises.
[SIGHS]
I wonder how he, uh, you know,
starts his own engine.
Forearms on that guy?
One wrong move, he'll rip the shit off.
Poor ***.
-[GROANING] -Okay, so what's the plan?
Oh, yeah. Let's shoot our way out of here,
because that worked so well the first time.
It worked well for me. I looked *** great.
[GASPING]
-[MOANING] -Ashley! Ashley!
Oh, yes, give mama that French bread!
It's proofing. It's proofing.
[KNOCKING]
-[GRUNTING] -Did you hear that?
[SCREAMING]
Come on, May, you can't stay back there forever.
Fine.
If you're not going to come out, then I'm going to eat.
I am starving.
Mm-mmm!
Oh, my gosh. Oh, it's so good.
Mmm, and I have so much of it.
What is it?
-Rattlesnake. -You can make snake jerky?
Yeah. It's not that hard.
My brother taught me how.
Killing the *** is a pain in the ass.
But then you salt them
and put them in a salt bath
and hang them out to dry.
It has to be strong sunlight, though.
I learned that the hard way.
-What happened? -What do you think?
I ate it raw and puked so hard I shit myself.
Yeah, it was a lot of shit too,
-like, everywhere. -Ooh, that's tough.
My brother wouldn't stop laughing, the jagoff.
Hmm, guess being a jagoff runs in the family.
Yeah.
He wasn't a great teacher, but he helped me survive.
Eventually I figured it out on my own.
Listen, why do you want to enter this tournament so badly?
You do know it's to the death, right?
Yeah. So?
I'm not afraid of dying.
And if I win,
I could wish for a better life.
Come on, let's try again.
Okay.
Shh, shh, come on.
Okay.
[GULPING]
[BOTH GROANING]
[BELCHES]
How is this guy even alive?
[GRUNTS]
Come on. He's distracted.
[COUGHING]
Eww. This place is a mess.
But it's still cleaner than your car.
Smells better too. [CHUCKLES]
Shut up and cut the power.
[FAINT MECHANICAL NOISE]
"Axel."
[RUSTLING AND CLANKING]
What kind of sick *** would do this?
[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]
-[CACKLING] -[GRUNTING]
I'd lower that pea-shooter if I were you.
Put it on the counter.
I'm impressed you got past my guard dog.
Not many do.
We're just trying to get out of here, man.
Oh, please. You're like everyone else
who comes sniffing around here
trying to steal my life's work.
[TSKING] You're jealous.
Why would we be jealous of you?
You're making car people.
That's an oversimplification!
I evolved that broken killer into something more.
If the only way to survive outside
is to be in a car,
then what if you could be the car?
But it's still not right.
There's still too much human in him.
But I could get it right with one of you.
So what, you just make cars out of Black people?
What? no! It's not racially motivated.
-Is that how it's coming off? -Yeah!
I mean, you look at him, you look at us.
Let me just say, I've always believed science is colorblind.
[GROANING] God.
[BREATHY WHISTLING]
What's going on with him?
[BREATHY WHISTLING]
He's not sick, is he?
To be honest, I have no idea what he's doing.
Family whistle!
The family whistle!
-[GRUNTS] -[SCREAMING]
[GROANING]
Ooh.
-[WINCING] -Some of my best friends
are Black.
[DEATH RATTLE]
Thanks, big bro.
Now, if we can just get that tiny little butthole
of a mouth to whistle.
If my mouth is a butthole, so is yours.
That's how genes work.
Now, go cut the power so we can bail.
[MACHINERY CLICKING, ELECTRIC HUM FADING]
Hey, uh,
Axel, right?
Listen, I know we had our differences,
but, um, we just killed
this little racist nerd,
and we cut the power,
so you're free to go.
Now I hope we can go our separate ways peacefully.
What?
We've had our differences--
Dude, you got-- you gotta use your big boy voice
-What you-- - We cut the power. You're free to go.
Oh, good looking out.
I hated that ***.
Peace!
[ENGINE NOISE FADING]
Remember, driving is about making a decision
and making it happen.
You second guess yourself, you crash and burn.
All right, gassed up, guns loaded,
mirrors clear of--Jeremy?
-[PANTING] -Run!
He's coming!
-[BLADE WHOOSHING] -[GURGLES]
[GASPS]
Damn.
Drive.
Uh, what is he doing?
[MUTTERING]
[SIGHS]
Oh, shit! We decided to drive! D! D!
[TIRES SQUEALING]
-[GROANING] -[TIRES SQUEALING]
Holy shit, I did it!
-Celebrate later. -Right!
[TIRES SQUEALING, ENGINE REVVING]
Uh, what the hell is that?
Quiet, this wasn't on the final exam!
Think fast!
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[METAL CLANGING]
[SCREAMING]
[ENGINES REVVING]
[METAL CLANGING, FADING]
[DISTANT SCREAMING]
"'Cause you're everywhere to me"
"When I close my eyes it's you I see"
"And everything I know that makes me believe"
"I'm not alo-whoa-whoa-one"
"'Cause you're everything to me"
"And when I close me eyes it's you I see"
"You're everything I know thatmakes me believe"
"I'm not alo-whoa-whoa-one"
When we win I was thinking maybe
I'd take Quiet up to grandpa's cabin.
Oh. The cabin.
You know that brings back some memories.
Wait, how are you gonna remember Grandpa cabin and not Grandpa?
I might have found a way there.
-Hey, I drew this. -Yeah.
[CHUCKLING]
***, you read my diary?
What? No, I wouldn't--
Yeah. Okay, just a little bit.
Look, I got tired of hearing about horses
and how funny Brian Carroll was.
Ooh, funny and fine.
Ugh.
No third grader could resist his charms.
Oh, well. [CHUCKLING]
Look who decided to show up.
Why is the kid driving?
Why is your face all *** up?
We just had a run in with the grim douchebag
and a naked man on wheels.
-[GASPING] -Axel!
Ashley and Jeremy are dead.
They're real *** dead.
And we're going to be next if we don't get the *** out of here.
Shit. Okay, we should load up.
-I'll ride with you. -Okay.
-So the detour worked, huh? -It did.
Thank you for making that happen.
You're high, aren't you?
Indubitab-ably.
Ash and Jeremy weren't the best soldiers,
but their hearts were committed to the cause.
May their souls bang for eternity.
Why didn't she bury the mask?
The mission lives on.
It'll go to the next doll worthy of wearing it.
Hmm. Well, you know, when you go down,
I'll keep your mask alive.
-Oh, that's so nice. -Yeah.
Knowing your driving, it'll probably be you that kills me.
Diesel City,
where the biggest, scariest, loudest special weapons
are made and sold.
That's cool, but we don't have any money.
We don't need money,
because we're going to steal them.