And that my friend, is why I wipe back to front.
Puppy wanna help?
Yes, yes, puppy wanna help.
- Puppy wanna help. - Yeah, that's a good ***.
What the ***?
Did you kill all these guys?
Yeah.
I mean, he did most of it.
Hey now, you nicked that nerdy one over there in the thigh meat.
Probably hit an artery.
Granted I had to finish him off, but
I mean, all that wailing, I mean, drama queen.
Yeah. Hey, don't worry, you'll get there. I know it.
Yeah.
Here, catch.
There's a good boy.
Now load up the rest.
Please, just let me go.
I-I told you everything that I know about Stone.
Bad doggy, no speak.
I'm out of ammo. Gotta fill this up.
You keep an eye on him.
You know that psychopath's not your friend, right?
Oh, and you are? You sold me out to Stone for a pat on the head.
You couldn't give two *** about me.
I give more than two *** about you.
I'm so sorry, Stu, but I was wrong.
And you're wrong about that clown.
He's gonna kill a lot of people. Maybe even us.
No, he's not Stone.
Sweet Tooth listens to me. We're S brothers.
- Both of our names start with S. - Oh, my God.
Look, it's-it's like a bonding thing.
Stu, I've known you since we were chucking crayons at Carter
Delloro's head in second grade.
This isn't you.
Shut the *** up. Load up those bombs.
Ooh. Ah, dropped a few kidney stones in there.
I gotta drink more water.
Something wrong, boys?
Nope.
We're just talking about shooting stuff and-and killing things.
A-And tits.
Titties.
Well, my plan hits two out of three of those things.
Unless the tits are ours.
You know, Stone thinks we're dead.
We could go anywhere in the world if we want to, right now.
What if we...
I don't know, start over maybe?
Nah, I got a better idea.
Oh, you look phenomenal.
Like chips off the old block.
Harold, open wide.
Stubert, would you do the honors?
I'll say when.
You're an idiot, John Doe.
Where the hell even am I on this map?
Is that a vagina?
***.
*** you, doe.
Where's this package?
Shit!
God damn it, Quiet.
Oh, *** me.
Come on, you piece of shit. I know you got some juice, come on.
Come on. God damn it.
What am I doing?
What the *** am I doing?
Partners, my ass.
So, what's the next move? I just
show up in San Francisco and knock on the gate and be like,
"Hey, what's up? Remember that dillweed you hired
to do that thing? Well, he died in a fiery explosion, but I'm here."
***!
Go ahead, ***. Easiest kill of your life!
- Uh... you okay? - Do I look okay?
Damn, that Milkman did you wrong.
This goes to show, you never know where you stand with
someone till push comes to shove.
Reminds me of my ex, Tasha.
Man, two of us used to love jacking people, scavenging, having fun.
We were thick as thieves.
Well, it sounds like you were just thieves.
Yeah. Then she left me for her true love.
Hmm, John had someone else too.
Oh, let me guess. Blonde,
huge cans, curves in all the right places, and a big ol' donk,
firm, yet pillowy at the same time?
That's very specific, Mark, but no. It was a two-thousand-two Subaru.
Kinky. Not that I'm judging, seeing as how Tasha left me for meth.
Loved that beautiful blue crystal so much it killed her.
Now, she's up in heaven doing angel dust with baby Jesus.
Our nest broke up not soon after.
I'm sorry.
Um, you know, since we're being honest,
that whole Vulture nest thing is really *** dumb.
Do you think I like wearing tires in my spare time?
No, it's impractical as all hell. But if you wanna be a Vulture,
gotta stick to the theme. And me?
I'm a Vulture through and through.
Hmm.
Come on, Mark. I thought we were bonding.
Yes, we shared a moment, and it was lovely.
You're a great person,
but that's not gonna stop me from taking that fancy backpack
you're so keen on.
I know it's worth something.
So, hand it over.
Fine. You want it?
- Go get it! - Ah.
Now that's just childish.
Tasha...
I'm coming, baby.
Need a lift?
How'd you know I was out here?
We didn't.
Here, these'll help.
Hey, I'm so happy I could find you.
I-I figured you'd follow the map.
Sorry for everything I put you through out there.
- I made a mistake. - Where's Evelyn?
She didn't make it.
Cool.
So it's worth it then.
One is squirrel, one is possum.
Didn't know which one you preferred, so...
figured we could do a taste test.
Talked to the chef.
Said the possum is real tender today.
He likes to take herbs and spices and stuff 'em in the gut pouch.
Goddamn, Quiet, don't do that.
Squirrels don't grow on trees.
I mean, they do kinda, but still gotta hunt 'em,
and they're hard little *** to hit.
So, I got good news and bad news. What do you want first?
- Good new... - Bad news.
Okay, glad to see you're both on the same page.
I'm a glass half empty gal, so we'll start bad.
Stone's men fell back to the dam ever since that
clown took out his bases.
Sweet Tooth? He's still kicking' around?
He's got Stone all hot and bothered.
He basically just pissed in a hornets' nest.
So, getting' to New San Francisco through the dam?
It ain't gonna work. But now the good news.
I heard tell of another way through.
There's a hole in Stone's blockade, it's a night's drive from here.
And I mean, the Lawmen and the road,
they're not gonna make your trip any easier,
but at least you won't be walking right into Stone's kitchen.
And we can get you close.
But after that I'm taking the convoy north.
We don't want any part in this fight. So...
if you wanna get through, you're gonna need one *** of a car.
That sounds like we have our work cut out for us.
So there's a "we" now?
Get this straight, the only reason I haven't thrown you
out of the back of this *** rig is because I want inside.
I want a new life.
A life where I don't have to look at your
*** face every goddamn minute.
Good talk.
My grandfather was a rancher.
Cattle.
He had a huge herd, hundreds of animals.
The cattle, they're delicious, of course.
Cheeseburgers, what not.
But you know what else they are?
They're dumb.
I mean, you leave a gate open,
these stupid *** would just wander through,
eat your crops, destroy property, shit all over the place.
Hell, they'll even shit on each other.
Like I said, dumb. Like Carl!
But my grandfather also had dogs.
Strong, proud, fierce.
The dogs would control these beasts,
move them from pasture to pasture.
A stray'd run away, they'd bring that stray back.
They were in control.
Now, we have strays in our herd.
The mute, the Milkman, they defy us!
This is our land, these are our roads,
we're the dogs, we control the herd.
You will never go back to the way things were. Never!
Am I right?
Yeah!
Bababooey.
Don't worry, baby, you're in good hands.
Thankfully, this isn't my first time.
I just need to check your eyeballs, okay?
Come on, you stupid ***!
Oh, Tasha.
I bet you hated all these *** songs. I'm so sorry.
You grab that for me?
You have hands.
Yeah, and both of them are deep in this car's guts.
So, can you just pass it to me, please?
I would love to.
God damn it!
I said I'm sorry. What else do you want from me?
Um... for you to eat shit and kiss my ass.
So, should I eat shit before or after I kiss your ass?
'Cause the order matters.
Just wanna make sure I'm doing' it right.
Look, come on, talk to me.
Why? It doesn't matter.
Of course it matters.
*** ***! If it mattered,
you would've come with me instead of choosing
to stay with a *** car.
You told me we were partners in this, but we're not.
I'm a passenger riding shotgun.
Quiet, I...
You got something snappy to say now, John?
You gonna tell me how wrong I was?
When I watched that fireball explode in the woods,
I thought you were *** dead.
I thought I'd lost you,
and I'm so *** tired of losing people,
and you knew that, John.
And you didn't care.
'Cause you don't care about anyone but you.
Tire's got a leak.
That was supposed to be a surprise.
Figured you like the easy access.
But if you don't, I can take it out
- and you can use it for whatever you want... - No.
It's fine, I like it.
Quiet...
Look, I *** up.
Evelyn's been my home for twenty-something years.
Before her I just felt cold.
Alone.
And I promised myself I'd never feel like that again.
So, losing her
meant I'ma go back to being that same sad-ass little boy.
But that's not even what hurt the most.
Look, in the past ten days, we've fought, tried to kill each other,
did interesting things to each other's bodies in a ball pit.
I can't imagine day eleven without you.
Look, I'm better with you.
I think maybe you're better with me, too.
I know what I did was shitty...
and I'm sorry.
I don't have to be in the driver's seat all the time.
I wanna be a partner.
If that's still a thing.
It was pretty shitty.
It was the shittiest.
Damn, girl, you gonna jump up on it already?
- Ow! - Come on, man. Something's wrong.
Drive-by, we're taking fire!
It's the Law, get down!
We have casualties in rig four.
We need a medic on rig A.
I need backup, now! Move it!
Them piece of shit Lawmen killed three of our drivers.
I'm about to make it more than even.
If I were you, I would get some better artillery than them
dinky peashooters Evelyn had.
Looks like she's got the right idea.
All set. Looks good, looks good.
This one. It speaks to me.
Yeah, it speaks to me, too. It says, "I'm too heavy."
The car can handle it, ***head.
It's about balance. We have weapons, armor, speed, and handling.
Too much of one, you lose the other. Car's too heavy?
Low speed, sluggish handling.
So, if we're gonna add any weight, I say we add armor.
If you're fast enough, it won't matter.
Did you just give me a compliment?
I said "if."
Load up the rig. And stop
Load it up!
Oh, hello.
I can't believe Watts just had this shit laying around.
Do you know how rare ballistic glass is?
It's a windshield, you *** dork.
Relax. You're acting like you just got your first BJ.
But this shit is bulletproof. And,
when I got my first BJ, I was very nice, I'll have you know.
I even said, "Thank you."
Mm. Bet you had to say, "Please" too.
Hey, how do you know how to do all this stuff, anyway?
Mm, you just try different pieces till you find the one that fits.
That doesn't make any sense.
Somebody had to teach you how to do this.
Some things come natural, like breathing' or driving'.
No, it's not natural. You have to be taught how to drive.
- Nah-uh. - Uh-huh.
Nah-uh.
Babies don't know how to drive. Think about that.
I think it's done.
Now, here's the moment of truth.
What do you wanna name her?
I don't know. I mean, how'd you decide on Evelyn?
Mm-mm, she just felt like an Evelyn.
And I found a license plate that said Evelyn.
Okay, deep.
I don't know, this hunk-a-junk feels like...
roadkill.
"Roadkill."
I love it.
I wish we had some tunes.
Oh.
Oh, no, not a mix. No, that's like Russian roulette.
Come on! For Tasha.
You got lucky.
Okay, Watts, we're ready to roll.
I think we're ready to *** shit up.
Oh, there's a "we" now?
- Look, if we don't make it... - *** that shit.
San Francisco or bust, baby.
So, this is Stone's blockade?
Girthy.
I don't see any Lawmen.
Maybe they all left.
Car graveyard. Not creepy at all.
Huh, "Resisted."
What'd you say?
What? I'm just saying what they're saying.
Stone's here.
What?
Why'd we stop?
I'm gonna make truck nuts out of your ball sack, Milkman.
Gotta hand it to the guy, he's got good traps.
Little help?
We're on it.
Uh, baby? Things aren't looking so good out here.
You ready?
The wind's about to change in our favor, Amber.
The Twister's coming'.
I am so sick of that *** clown.
It's time, Stu. Light her up.
Time to play.