Ah, ah, hot.
It's quite a crash, son.
Ooh, look at that goose egg.
Ah, where are your parents, sweetie?
I don't know.
How old are you? Ten? Eleven?
I don't know.
The crash must've rung your bell.
Well, let's start simple. You got a name?
I don't know.
- I don't know! - Shh, shh. Hey, hey, it's okay. Let me help you.
I can help get you home safe.
Wait!
Fat chance, kid. Watkyn Storms are coming.
Hey, that's my car.
Who is this ***?
Give me those glasses. The sun's bullying me.
Oh, I can't. I'm dying. Say nice things at my funeral.
Take the time to speak highly of my good deeds.
Man, dudes cannot handle hangovers for shit.
No hangovers at New San Francisco, I'll tell you that.
Oh, I had this sexy pork tenderloin last time. God,
I can't wait.
I can't wait for a dog.
Nah, too gamey.
What? No, not to eat.
Oh.
I've always wanted a pet.
You know, like a wolfdog with three legs named Hat Trick.
I'm not taking care of a dog.
Nobody asked you to.
Well, if we're living together, I mean, I'm...
What? Are we living together?
What? No. What? No. What? No.
I mean, like, living together in the same c-city.
- Oh... - You call me to walk your dog
when you're not home at your home and I'm home at my home.
See, two separate homes. So that makes two homes.
Hmm.
Unless you wanna live together.
- Do you? - I don't know... do you?
You seem like a shitty roommate.
I mean, you can't even share your *** sunglasses.
Yeah, I can share my shitty popcorn.
Oh, wow, your aim is so good.
Shit.
Is this the infamous photo?
- Hey. - Man, what the hell happened? You were so cute.
Take it easy with that.
This is the only photo you have of your past life,
and you keep it in a visor. I think I can handle holding it for one...
Shit!
*** told you to be careful... stupid.
Hey, I said stay back with Evelyn and watch the package.
I can do two things.
How old were you in that photo anyway?
How does anyone keep track of that shit?
I mean, birthdays. Moon phases. Cut your *** open, count the rings.
Can we just focus on finding the picture?
We're running out of daylight.
Oh, found it!
Ah, ah. What do you say?
- Don't drop it again. - Hmm.
Come on. Get in the car!
No, no, no, no.
*** Holy Man.
God damn buttery nips
I can't believe some *** Holy Men stole our...
What the *** did you do?
- John, I'm... - ***.
Okay, we've been walking for an hour and you haven't said shit.
I don't know what else to say, John.
I *** up.
If you wanna focus on being mad, then go ahead.
I guess we'll just walk until we die.
This isn't the first time I lost Evelyn.
Vultures took her one time. Necros another time.
- Oh, shit. - One time I just forgot where I parked her.
Okay. Well, that's stupid.
Yeah, it's stupid. But, every time I've lost her, she's come back to me.
Then let me help you find her this time.
Please.
Fine.
Wait, wait, where are you going?
I'm following the bells. That's where Evelyn is.
We can't just into waltz into a Holy Man murderpalooza.
You saw what those *** did to the Convoy's Milkman.
Evelyn is so close, we need to go get her back
and I can't do it by myself.
So, what do you say, partner?
Okay, let's go get your car.
Great.
What?
We gotta go get those masks off those Holy Men we killed
so we can blend in.
Isn't that like an hour that way?
I'm just gonna wait here.
Did you hear me?
He didn't hear me.
Please, please.
Stomach, shut up.
Ooh.
Nasty.
Excuse me, sir.
Too bad.
TP, beans.
Whoa!
Jackpot.
Hmm.
Sounds like this is it.
Don't love how moist this mask is.
At least your guy didn't have a beard.
Gonna be pulling face pubes out of my mouth all night.
Also, we gotta work on your dude voice.
- Dude voice? - Yeah,
Holy Men.
You gotta fit in. Go deep. Let me hear it.
Uh, I love killing and guns, I do.
Just try not to talk.
Righty-o, Governor.
I'm gonna kill you
- Let's do it. - Cool party, huh?
Paint Thinner
Thinner for the sinner.
Holy shit, how are these guys not dead already?
Stop staring, just blend in.
My man, I want that.
Too *** bad.
From one brother to another... I propose a clash.
Let it begin.
At least they're having a good time.
Uh, he's not.
Holy shit. Maybe he deserved it.
I... didn't
Cool. I hate this place.
Kiss my leather.
Yes, Goddess.
Bend down!
Yes.
Okay, Evelyn has to be here.
So just blend in with these freaks until we find her.
Damn, very flexible. Oh, shit.
Uh, oh, bollocks.
Who told you to speak?
You like pain?
I love it so much, me Lady.
Damn.
Good.
The Goddess is pleased.
- Cupbearer! - Yes, Goddess.
Bring forth libations!
- Oh. - Here.
It's chug-a-lug time.
Chug-a-lug. Chug-a-lug. Chug-a-lug. Chug-a-lug.
Chug-a-lug. Chug-a-lug.
Ah.
Nothing like a jack and coke!
Sorry, why is it crunchy?
That'd be the coke.
- It's Preacher. - It's Preacher.
I love you!
I love you, Preacher.
Absolve my sins.
I think the coke is kicking in.
- I can't feel my throat. - I'm gonna shit myself.
Night, night.
Which one of you blessed ***
had seven days in the death pool?
Blessings on you, Krevin!
Victory runs in your veins! Go on, reward him!
Yeah. Yeah.
- Here you go. - Okay.
Enjoy.
Gods and Goddesses,
it is my honor to be with you again here in Colorado
for our annual pilgrimage,
The Rocky Mountain *** Fest!
Yeah!
Now, while we were indulging in the seven deadly delights,
let us recall our past and celebrate our futures!
Me, I was a man of God.
Shit, I was even celibate!
Shut the *** up, Krevin.
Oh, okay.
But when the world ended,
God was nowhere to be found
and I thought, huh, this *** forsaken us!
Right? But then I realized, no...
we are the Gods.
Always have been! Always will be.
And the roads will be forever our domain!
Yeah.
Great crowd work.
I can hear you grinding your teeth.
Dude, that's you.
Now,
what gifts did you mother*** bring me?
Ooh, is that a generator I see?
Okay, uh, gasoline. Got it. Okay.
Guns, guns, drugs.
- Okay, guys you gotta get more creative than just drugs. - Yeah.
- There you go, Preacher. - Okay, that's just more drugs.
Jeff, that's just more drugs.
Now everybody, shut the *** up.
Oh, God...
Holy shit!
Hey, what are you doing? Where are you going? John.
A token for you, Preacher!
What a hot piece of ass!
Hmm.
I should lube up with oil and *** your muffler.
*** her muff! *** her muff!
Don't touch her!
Who spoke?
Your tone sounded...
envious. I like that.
You want her, don't you?
Say no, say no, say no, say no.
From one brother to another,
I propose a clash!
Oh, yeah.
Ooh, that guy is ***!
Are you ready, son?
So, what's your plan here, stud?
Have you seen this guy? A strong wind can blow him over.
I'ma kick his ass so bad, I'ma be their king.
That's the blow talking.
Oh, God!
Ooh, coked Jesus has a right hook!
I heard something crack. I think it was my brain.
Listen, he's fast, so keep your distance.
You'll never get a good hit in if you're too close. Honestly, I...
I told you I got this.
What, John? Fine, you're on your own.
Let's eat this guy.
Surprise!
Yeah! Stay the *** down, Preach'.
Ooh, you ever drink your own blood?
It's intoxicating.
What the f...
Are you possessed?
I was once, by a little demon baby.
*** made me kill a whole church of people.
Here we go!
I can still hear their screams. I can't wait to hear yours.
I can't stop kicking!
He's doing really well.
Hmm.
The Holy Ghost lives through me.
What should I do? Shall I keep this guy?
Should I *** this guy?
Dirt nap!
Get on your knees, you greasy little piglet
and lick my soiled boots.
Oh, yes, Goddess. Please, Goddess.
Now, where are the keys to that car, vermin?
I wanna take it for a ride.
Wait. Goddesses only ride shotgun. That is our way.
Not my way.
Yes.
Oh, where are you going?
Yes, yes!
Take him to the cross.
Oh, come on, guys,
I've got a guy here perfectly ready for the cross,
meanwhile this dead *** still up there?
Say it with me...
when the heart stops, the body drops.
See, it's not that hard. Okay?
Now the whole vibe is ruined.
I-I guess, take the new guy to time out
and take that *** down.
- Heart stops, the body drops. - Shh... Don't let it ruin your
- night. - It's too late, Janice.
No, no.
Huh?
Come out. I heard you
Hey, hey. Whoa,
take it easy, okay. I'm just looking for some food.
You haven't got any, do you?
- Go away, butthead. - Whoa, I'm not gonna hurt you.
I said, go away.
What the hell did you do that for?
Got me right in the veneers.
I'm sorry. I was aiming for your ***.
Well, that would've hurt too.
But that's okay. You can make it up to me.
Huh?
'Cause it's dinner time.
He's alone!
It's dinner time.
Back on the menu, boys.
- I love veal. - Whoo-hoo-hoo.
We're gonna get you.
Please... please... please. Oh, come on.
Hey, there.
*** you!
Krevin, you're a *** dunce.
This *** idiot can't even get a hose
long enough to fill up my new baby.
Denting Evelyn's hood, you ***.
So, you lost, huh?
Oh, You don't know that. This could be a winner's cage.
Idiot.
I got us some wheels.
It's a piece of shit, but it'll get us out of this nightmare carnival.
I'm not leaving her.
What, John? Are you kidding?
You almost died!
I can't believe I have to say this but it's just a car, John!
You don't get it.
No, I don't.
But I fought and bled.
I got whipped, I drank coke, for you and your car.
And now you say, "I don't get it"?
*** you.
What happened to us being partners, huh?
I'm not leaving Evelyn.
And I'm not dying for a *** car.
Preacher, Preacher,
someone attacked and took a car!
What? Seal the camp!
Seal the camp! Seal the camp!
We have to leave.
Now, John.
Then go.
All right, where to next?
We can go anywhere you want! Your choice...
or not.
I owe you for saving me back there.
I'll fix you up, I promise.
Just you, me, and the road.
Sound good?
Oh, my God, I'm here, Evelyn, baby.
Let's get the hell out of here.
I admire your thirst, but
if anybody's gonna *** this car, it's gonna be me.
You're not worthy of the mask!
Good. It chafes.
For I am the angel of death and I release you.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
***.
***!
Hurry up, watch the Preacher's head.
Don't lose those.
That's the last of us. Drive, pig.
Yes, Goddess.
Ow, shit.
Oh, my head.
No.