DAMON: Previously on The Vampire Diaries...
DAMON: She has Elena.
And I'm the only one who knows where she is.
Oscar's been gone days running your errands, but we're stuck here,
starving ourselves,
pretending like we're not the strongest people on the planet.
I don't want to be a part of Lily's cavalry.
I just wanna have fun.
You will not lay a hand on another member of my family.
Give me Elena, you get your son back.
Once you bury a body, the grieving process begins.
Oh, I'm not planning on burying her.
The Phoenix Stone brings people back from the dead.
-Tell me you'll try. -I'll try.
What was the deal with you and Stefan?
I was the first love of Stefan's life.
CAROLINE: You put that spell on me so Stefan couldn't touch me.
It's like your skin is vervain.
Stefan, meet Julian.
Julian was the man you are not supposed to fall for.
Does Stefan Salvatore know that you are pregnant with his child?
(JULIAN GRUNTS)
So, have you found Julian yet?
I found him months ago.
Julian is the devil. I can't let Lily bring him back.
Oh, damn it.
-(SIGHS) -Is it fixed yet?
Not yet, sweetheart. And it's past your bedtime.
BOTH: No!
Yes, it is. You wanna go brush your teeth?
BOTH: (GIGGLING) No!
Yeah, well, too bad.
Surgery will have to resume tomorrow.
All right, Josie, help your sister find her PJs, okay?
Girls?
Damon.
Well, aren't you adorable? (CHUCKLES)
The girls, too.
Stand behind Daddy.
Why so gloomy?
Looks like you got everything you wanted.
The fact that you're here means somebody died.
No. Not yet.
But if you don't do exactly as I say, that can change real fast.
So.
You gonna invite me in?
Geez.
You're here. At 5 a.m.
I'm gonna need the place to myself today.
Oh, come on, man.
Don't make me an accomplice to whatever weird stuff
you're doing with your wife's dead body.
You have no idea how weird it's gonna get.
Is this enough to buy some privacy?
I'm gonna throw in a free reality check.
Preserved bodies still have an expiration date,
and this is her last day.
She doesn't have to go home, but she can't stay here.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Mother, tell me you have Elena.
LILY: Let me speak to Oscar.
No can do, I'm about to wake him up from his little vervain nap.
You do realize that when you get her back,
you're not actually getting her back, right?
She's still in a box.
You think I need to be reminded of that?
And yet you're leveraging a member of my family
just to get her body closer to you.
How selfish can you be?
Spare me the lecture, Mommy.
Damon. If you have harmed Oscar in any way...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, say good-bye to Elena. It's not my first hostage swap.
(BEEPS)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
Uh-oh.
Oscar. (SNIFFS)
I smell the blood on you, buddy.
Huh?
You gotta be kidding me.
(CAROLINE MOANS)
I didn't want to wake you.
Well, I would lose more sleep if you just snuck out without saying hi.
Hi.
Mmm. I missed this.
Am I gonna catch fire?
No. I just can't touch vampires.
Valerie basically turned my skin into vervain.
I'll work on unraveling the spell when I get back.
Stop. We have so much to catch up on.
Let's just go shopping for Halloween costumes
and we can worry about magic later.
I'm kind of already worrying about magic today.
Alaric thinks we can reunite Jo's spirit with her body
by using some sketchy Native American resurrection stone.
My job is to crush his dreams in the most gentle way possible.
Wow. Okay. You don't even think it'll work?
(CHUCKLES) I don't think it should.
The Other Side is gone, there's no more Gemini prison worlds,
which means that Jo's spirit is...
Probably at peace.
(SIGHS)
Our lives are weird.
-Tell me about it. -(CHUCKLES)
How the hell did you let this happen?
Don't even think about blaming this on me. I'm not the one that unscrewed his heart.
No, you're just the one who chased him down, kidnapped him
and are still, technically, holding him hostage.
To get Elena back.
And how's that working out for you?
Because, from where I'm standing, she's in more danger than ever,
because you won't let her rest.
You spend one day with mommy dearest and now you're on her side?
I don't have to be on her side to see what's happening here.
You can't be with Elena, so you're making all your bad decisions about Elena.
We need to get rid of this body.
No, no, no. You need to get rid of this body.
(SCOFFS)
Brekkie. What are we having?
Mushroom omelets.
Hey, they're for Oscar, not you.
He's coming home today.
I'm impressed. Especially considering how late you got home last night.
-Where's Oscar? -I don't know.
Damon never showed up.
I suppose I've taken the notion of trust for granted lately.
Lorenzo, would you mind terribly if I had a moment alone with Valerie?
Is something wrong?
Just some family business.
I spent yesterday with Stefan.
Learned all about your little tryst in 1863.
(SIGHS) We were children. It was...
It was puppy love. It meant nothing.
Hmm. Right. That explains why you held on to his journal all these years.
You were fragile at the time. I didn't want to upset you.
You told him you were coming back for him, and he believed you.
Why put him through that?
I was a foolish human back then.
I'm sorry.
I will only say this once.
If you have anything to tell me,
anything at all,
now is the time.
I have nothing to hide.
I should go look for Oscar.
That won't be necessary.
NORA: God, it feels good to get out of that deserted town
and be around living, breathing people we can eat.
Mystic Falls is a prison world all over again.
We're on a mission, Nora, not a vacation.
-All right. (GRUNTS) -(KNOCK ON DOOR)
MARY: Damon? I know you're here. Open up.
Damon! Open the--
DAMON: Hello.
Oh, hello.
University housing. How lovely.
How sad.
Not as sad as being exiled here by your own mother.
Lily must have had the wrong address for the hostage exchange.
-Hmm. -Where's Oscar?
You just missed him.
You reek of blood.
Well, I've been... (EXHALES) I've been binging.
And I've been judging.
Yeah.
Not gonna find him in there.
-(SHATTERS) -(STEFAN GROANS)
Look, I get it. Okay, you got me.
Oscar turned the tables, and he knocked me out and he took off.
I lost my one and only bargaining chip.
Then why isn't Oscar answering his phone?
(STUTTERS) I mean, the guy doesn't wanna be found.
Why don't I believe you?
MARY: (SIGHS) Well, this is pointless.
Come, Nora.
(SPLASHING)
I'll throw that away for you.
(SIGHS)
Hi.
(GRUNTS)
Screw it. Let's just get this guy to the furnace.
Uh, wrong dorm, darling.
Huh. Okay.
"A message from Miss Nora Hildegard.
"Dictated but not read.
"For every hour that Oscar isn't returned, a Whitmore student will die.
"Starting now."
(GASPS AND GROANS)
-No. -(SIGHS)
With dozens of disappearances and a history of animal attacks,
Mystic Falls was the subject of supernatural speculation
even before the quote-unquote mining fire evacuation.
(SIREN CHIRPS)
We're not doing anything illegal, Officer.
Besides violating a town-wide quarantine,
and putting these people's lives at risk to make a quick buck?
Pack it up and get out of here.
We both know there's no real danger here. It's just an empty ghost town.
Really? You hear about the noises in the old boarding house?
Mysterious figure haunting the clock tower?
Tell your ghost busters to charge up their proton packs.
They've hit the proverbial jackpot.
Get out of here, unless you want your license suspended. Now.
Come on, let's go.
If you touch any of these people, I will shoot you right here.
Don't waste the ammunition, mate. Waste of taxpayer money.
And I am one of your last taxpayers.
What do you want, Enzo?
Oh, God, just a good night's rest.
Which is proving difficult lately,
with all the late-night sneaking in and out of the Salvatore House.
Vamp hearing is bad enough, but once the heretics start creeping,
that's when I really lose sleep.
There's an abandoned music shop down the way.
-I'll let you steal a tiny fiddle. -(CHUCKLES)
Or you could grant me access to the town's surveillance cameras.
I have a heretic to track.
(CHATTERING)
-Hi. -Hi.
I brought you coffee.
(SIGHS) And he keeps getting better. Sorry.
(SIGHS) It's okay. No contact. It's not your fault.
I take it your charm didn't work on getting Valerie to undo this spell?
-Uh, I haven't spoken to her yet. -Oh.
So, you're avoiding?
No, there's nothing to avoid.
Well, Stefan, she was your first love and then she just left you hanging.
You're not the least bit curious why?
She hasn't contacted me in the four months she's been back,
so I'm assuming she's as over it as I am.
Yeah, but that is quite an assumption,
considering that she's the reason why I literally can't touch you.
Unfortunately, she's the heretic that I am the least concerned about right now.
Oh, God. Who now?
Let's just say that it involves two bored mean girls,
and a campus full of easy targets.
But fortunately, I have come up with a genius plan
to keep them occupied while Damon sorts out his Oscar problem.
-The dance. -Mmm-hmm.
Full of potential victims.
And distractions. All in one place.
Easy to babysit. I think the hardest part will be feigning enthusiasm.
Yeah, they'll never fall for it.
Unless they think it's their idea.
I'm getting hungry. Is it death o'clock yet?
We still have thirteen minutes.
-What's this? -Oh. Nothing.
It's, it's just some silly Heaven and Hell ball.
Stefan invited me, but I don't know.
These days, Halloween just seems like an excuse to get drunk and show skin.
Sorry, no heretics allowed.
Halloween's only for people who dress up as psychopaths.
As if we'd want to drink cheap beer out of plastic
and then brag about it all over the Internet.
As if you'd even know how to do that. We're going.
To a college party?
Oh. Okay.
(CHUCKLES) Good luck with that.
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing. No, you two will fit in just fine.
I mean, seriously, you guys have nothing to feel self-conscious about.
Did I say you could leave?
What do you want?
I see you found a dress. From my closet.
Haven't been to a party since New Year's, 1902.
Be honest. Will I make a proper modern devil?
Shouldn't be too much of a stretch. (CHUCKLES)
Unlike the hips of that dress.
Would you prefer I chose a different one and dyed it with your blood?
Look, I gave you an outfit.
Now it's your turn.
Siphon off this annoying anti-vampire spell.
Aw. Are you prohibited from
showing physical affection for your significant other?
Try being gay in nineteen hundred.
What do you care about some silly spell?
You don't even like Valerie.
You're right. I don't.
I've had to endure two lifetimes with that conniving shrew.
And I've learned that when it comes to Val,
you don't get on her bad side.
(SIGHS) Not happening, Stefan.
Look, if I siphon Caroline's spell, Valerie will find out,
and she'll retaliate with something much worse.
The girl is a rancid bitch.
That's not the Valerie that I knew.
Well, I used to be a sickly, abused little urchin,
cast out by my coven, and...
Then I met Mary Louise.
Love changes people.
I mean, maybe Valerie's obsession with you
is the reason why she's a walking funeral dirge.
MARY: Oh, Nora!
Well?
Hmm. Not bad.
"Not bad" is not "good."
No, you look nice, it's just...
Kinda plain.
But I can sex it up for you.
I'm comfortable like this, Nora, don't...
Stop it!
Come on, you're supposed to be a devil.
-You want a devil? -(GROANS)
It's fifteen minutes past the hour. Distraction period over.
Mary Lou. Wait!
Well, what better way to spend Halloween, huh?
Why would I want to go to some stupid Halloween party
like a normal student, and maybe meet a nice guy,
or not-so-nice guy, have a fun, drunk Halloween hookup,
when I can be here,
struggling to raise the dead?
Well, if it makes any difference, this is worth some serious extra credit.
Oh, you think?
Whether or not I'm capable, you're lucky I'm willing.
The visions from that stone scare the hell out of me,
-so don't rush me. -(DOOR OPENS)
Well, that's too bad.
'Cause we gotta bring this guy back to life.
Now.
-(MUSIC PLAYING) -(CROWD WHOOPING AND CHEERING)
Nice costume for two hours' notice.
CAROLINE: Oh, thank you.
You weren't, oh, I don't know,
already coming to this and just forgot to invite me?
I didn't forget to invite you.
I just felt like a Halloween party wasn't great first-date material.
So then, this isn't our first date?
Well, it depends.
What do you think it is?
Torture.
Oh, they're here.
-Guess it's time for us to babysit. -Mmm-hmm.
Hi, girls. What can I get you?
A Bijou for me and a Crème Yvette for my little flower here.
(CHUCKLES) I'm sorry, I have no idea what that is.
A gin martini and a Sex On The Beach.
Got you.
So, let me guess.
Old-fashioned devil and slutty angel.
-I love it. -Beg your pardon?
Thanks. It's cobbled together with stuff I found on Pinterest.
Oh, my God, Pinterest. I love Pinterest.
I get half my recipes from it.
I'm obsessed.
-Obsessed. -(BOTH GIGGLE)
BONNIE: Phesmatos exaud mi, conjug spiritis et corpe.
Phesmatos exaud mi, conjug spiritis et corpe.
Hmm, scratch that one off the list.
(DAMON GROANS)
Hey. You're not the only one banking on this.
It's not for me, Ric. Why does everything have to be about me today?
Will both of you just shut up?
The stone works.
I think it's creating a bridge between the body and the spirit.
I just have to find a spell that makes that bridge permanent.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
So, how goes the diversion?
Three. That's the number of people Caroline and I have saved. Barely.
So, did you just call to brag?
How much longer?
Oh, crap! Ric, put it out!
I think we're close.
(ENZO SIGHS)
Ah, there's the mopey face I've come to know and love.
I guess all it takes is a scolding from Lily to ruin breakfast.
We have an icebox full of blood downstairs, you know.
Yeah, but sometimes it's nice to get out of the house.
Take a drive. Get out of town. Come back. Wouldn't you agree?
Clearly, I'm not as quick as the other orphans in the workhouse.
Are you accusing me of something?
Town surveillance has you on the road
to and from Whitmore last night in a stolen car.
Curious how Oscar was also at Whitmore last night
and has since mysteriously disappeared.
So... (SCOFFS)
Yes, I am accusing you of something.
I'm just not sure whether it's lying to Lily, murder,
or both.
Forget everything you think you know.
Because you are wrong in ways you cannot even imagine.
Enlighten me.
What exactly don't I know?
(SCOFFS) Or maybe it's easier if I just ask Lily.
And I'm sure she'll be eager to uncover the truth and punish you for it.
I killed Oscar.
He knew too much.
I had to prevent him from bringing a monster back into Lily's life.
What monster is that?
Julian.
You don't know?
I guess Lily doesn't tell you everything.
Who's Julian, Valerie?
Someone you'll want to keep as far away as possible.
Assuming that one day you want Lily to love you
in the same way that you love her.
-(MUSIC PLAYING) -(CROWD WHOOPING)
STEFAN: Do you think they forgot they came here to murder people?
Oh, no, they're just wrapped up in their own drama.
See, Nora wants some breathing room
but Mary Louise is scared if she gives it to her,
that Nora's gonna leave her.
You got all that from... That?
Well, it's obvious.
Or not.
You know, I'd ask you to dance, but--
But I'd kill you. How convenient.
If only there was a person that you could talk to about it.
I will ask Valerie to undo it, once Damon brings Oscar back to life.
Wow. So, you're not technically avoiding,
you're just waiting for Damon to raise the dead. Okay.
Caroline, Valerie's been dead to me for 150 years.
Well, she's back now, and you're scared that you're gonna look her in the eye,
and then all of your feelings are gonna come back.
You know, the infatuation and the abandonment
and the whole freaking fairy tale.
That's what I'm scared of?
Or that's what you're scared of?
It can be both.
(SIGHS) You know what, I am just too sober to be talking about this.
MARY: Nora?
Where did you go?
I'm just tipsy enough to enjoy this music.
(SLURPING)
(PANTING)
Have a taste.
She's been sneaking tequila, so she's a little spicy.
(BARTENDER GROANS)
(PANTING)
-What the hell? -Don't act so shocked.
Don't pretend that was anything other than petty jealousy.
This trashy girl wouldn't mean a damn thing to you
if you weren't so desperate for attention.
Attention?
How could I possibly want attention when you've been perched on my shoulder
every second of the last 120 years?
Oh, am I ruining your fun?
"Stay close, Nora." "Slow down, Nora."
As if it's still the bloody nineteenth century and I need your protection.
I'm not the one struggling to adapt, Mary Lou. You are!
Very well.
Do whatever you want.
I'm going to finish what we came here to do.
(SIGHS)
Ababbas dagoineh mateesah elunatan.
Oshawas melunaweh washaset zagoedan.
Which one was that?
That's something I found in one of your shamanistic oral traditions.
-(SCREAMING) -(GASPS)
My God.
-(OSCAR PANTING) -Bonnie.
You are officially the most terrifying person I know.
-Easy there, buddy. -Where am I?
You're on your way to Mystic Falls.
Virginia?
-How did I get here? -We'll talk about it on the way.
Smile for mommy.
Yeah, okay.
Blood. I need blood.
Figured you might.
Either our friend still has the munchies
or this ravenous hunger is a side effect of resurrection.
Don't look at me. I barely understand how the guy is alive.
If hunger is the worst consequence of the stone spell, then we got off easy.
You sure you wanna do this to Jo?
Look, it's now or never, Damon.
No offense, Ric, but I was asking Bonnie.
Look at you sad-sacks.
What, am I gonna say no?
Damon, go get your girl.
I'll get his.
Trick or treat?
I've been tricked enough today.
Still haven't heard a peep from the girls since they left.
(SIGHS)
Who's Julian?
Where did you hear that name?
I've heard a lot of names in this house since I moved in.
But Julian, that's a new one.
Which means your family isn't talking about him for a reason.
Well, that's nonsense.
No one who ever met Julian would dare say a bad thing about him.
He was a saint.
He was the love of my life.
Was?
Or is?
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Damon found Oscar.
-Get out of my way. -Why? You're done here.
That's excellent news.
Where's Nora?
I don't know.
We had a fight.
-I'm sorry. -Do not pity me.
Trust me, I don't.
Is this how relationships work in the modern era?
Everybody peddling their flesh like a street bazaar?
Because bloody Nora seems quite interested in the browsing.
You know, these days they have this wonderful thing called a therapist.
How old do you think I am?
I can think of nothing more futile than prattling on about one's emotions.
As if I can prevent Nora from drifting away if I only find the right words.
Or as if confronting my first love will somehow make her disappear.
Caroline thinks that Valerie's mere existence
is somehow sabotaging our relationship.
But if she could just get into my head,
she would see that the only thing standing between me and my girlfriend
is that damn spell.
Which you can remove.
(GASPS)
Ah, I got you. Come on, come on.
Will you... Will you slow down, please?
Trust me, you do not want to make Lily wait.
I learned that the hard way.
Here, this'll take the edge off.
-I'm gonna need more. -Not till we get our stories straight.
We were in Myrtle Beach. We were wasted. You passed out.
I've never been to Myrtle Beach.
How deep does this amnesia go?
I just need a little more, okay? Just...
Just a taste. A drop.
Well, that was the last one.
Well, then you're gonna have to stop this thing!
Not until you get one right.
Multiple choice.
You were in Myrtle Beach, A, partying too hard, B, knee--
(YELLS)
Damn.
Don't shoot the one person
who can solve this case for you, Detective Dumbass.
What happened?
Oscar's acid trip went from bad to worse.
I've been tracking him through the woods.
Damon, it's Halloween.
There'll be ghost tours going through Mystic Falls every thirty minutes.
Perfect. At least I know where he's going.
I'm coming with you.
Donovan, that badge does not take away the fact that you are human.
Please don't commit suicide-by-heretic tonight.
Since when do you care?
Give me a break.
I don't wanna add your death to a long list of things that are already my fault.
Mar? Mary Lou?
You can't avoid me for...
Siphon the repulsion spell off Caroline,
or your girlfriend dies.
Do you see how easy I made that for you?
Yes, thanks. Now, let me make it harder for you.
-Get away from her. -(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
Grab my arm and siphon, or keep burning.
(NORA WHIMPERING)
-Did it work? -(GRUNTS)
Well, that was a lot more satisfying than I thought it would be.
Any questions before we head to the final stop on our tour?
Yeah. So, when does this get scary?
Hey. This isn't some haunted hayride, okay?
If you want teenagers dressed up in silly costumes
giving you jump-scares, go to Grove Hill.
-(SCREAMS) -(OSCAR GROWLS)
(TOURISTS GASP)
(GASPING)
-(SNARLS) -(WOMAN SCREAMING)
Oscar! Enough!
What on earth has gotten into you?
Oscar. You are not yourself when you feed, you know that.
You remember how we live.
You remember, everything in moderation!
Now I get it.
Your favorite sons are the ones with the ripper problems.
I highly recommend a detox and an intervention.
Now it's your turn.
Where the hell's Elena?
Where are they?
It doesn't matter.
Of course it matters. They were going to hurt you.
I'm going to find them and rip their heads off
and smash them together like two disgusting melons and...
Why are you smiling?
Can't help it.
You're adorable.
I'm sorry. You were right to worry.
No. I'm sorry.
We've been on our own. Scorned, abused, imprisoned for so long.
I've forgotten this world is meant to be enjoyed, not feared.
Help me remember that.
We should get back to Mystic Falls.
We've spent an entire lifetime there.
The night is ours.
No, wait, wait, wait. This can't happen yet.
Yes, it can. That's the whole point.
No, I need you to know I am not some insecure, jealous girlfriend.
-Okay? -Mmm-hmm.
I just... When I get something that I've wanted for a really long time,
sometimes I do this thing--
You overthink things. Yeah, I know.
No, but sometimes I say things that I don't really need to say,
but I'm just scared that I'm the only one thinking them.
The reason that I'm not talking about Valerie
is because I'm not thinking about Valerie.
I'm thinking about you.
And how you and I have had more history in the last five years
than most people have in a lifetime.
MATT: Hey, this is off-limits to... -(GUN COCKS)
You're one of the heretics.
Yep. Don't do anything stupid.
Right now there's a tour bus full of corpses in the cemetery
because I didn't do anything stupid.
Well, I'm in danger of being exiled
from my family because I did something extra stupid.
Join me for a drink?
If you're not gone by the time I count to three,
I'll shoot you right now.
One.
Two.
Stick to tourists.
-You're welcome. -I'm swooning on the inside.
In case it's not entirely obvious by now, I came here to be alone.
Or you're planning your escape.
Only a matter of time before Oscar sobers up
and fingers you as his would-be murderer.
-Which, clearly, you're bloody awful at. -What do you want, Enzo?
I want, dear, not-so-innocent Valerie,
for you to tell me how we're going to prevent Julian
from walking back into Lily's life.
I've asked Beau to remove the cloaking spell from Elena's coffin.
You'll find her in the ruins of the old Salvatore mansion.
Clever...ish.
-Glad you think so. -I'm moving back to Mystic Falls.
I will certainly ask the family to take it under consideration.
Wasn't a request.
These people didn't deserve to be killed by one of your free-range children.
Stefan's up to his hero hair in heretic drama,
and I worry that Matt Donovan's funeral's gonna cut into my social schedule.
And what, you're going to help keep order?
Damon, you can hardly keep a covered box safe.
You do realize that this innate desire
to keep Elena physically present in your life,
this boyish refusal to let her go, will only put her in more danger.
After everything you've been through,
what a shame it would be to lose her
because you're too terrified to find out who you actually are without her.
If you dare to return to Mystic Falls, it's no skin off my nose.
I want one more thing.
DAMON: Dear Elena.
Yes, you heard that correctly.
Hell has frozen over.
I'm writing it all down.
Granted, I'm a half-bottle in, thanks to my 1950 Château Cheval Blanc.
A bottle I waited 65 years to open.
I used to spend nights sitting in my wine cellar,
convincing myself I could actually hear it age.
Tannins growing, fermenting.
But appreciating its beauty didn't make the time go by any faster.
The bottle just laid there on its shelf, torturing me while I waited for Katherine.
And time stood still.
Eventually, I convinced myself that no sip of that wine
could ever taste as good as I dreamt it would.
So, I hid the bottle and walked away.
And that is the story of why I drink bourbon.
I don't know who I am without you.
But I do know that as long as I'm with you,
time will stand still.
So who is Damon Salvatore without Elena Gilbert?
A selfish friend?
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
A jealous brother?
A horrible son.
Or maybe, with a little luck, I'll do right by you.
Because you may be a thousand miles away, or a hundred years away, but...
You're still here with me.
And my heart is right there in that coffin with you.
Until you come back to me.