(GASPS) Oh!
(MELLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
The Truth Teller was nominated in this year's Ohio Journalism Awards.
You heard right. The Truth Teller. Three times, in fact.
Mare for her great story on the Softees clog,
Ned for The Truth Teller itself,
and a fresh-faced new upstart,
named Oscar Martinez for the Mr Digit Puzzle.
Best New Game.
I can't remember the last time The Truth Teller won something.
Thank you, thank you. I'd like to say this means a lot,
but all it represents, really, is a year of
backbreaking, liver-destroying work
that nearly put me in the hospital. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- Hey, Ned. - How you doing? - Did you meet my husband?
- Luke Putnam. - Oh!
- My brother. - Yes! Yes, yes. I see the resemblance. Very cool.
You didn't bring someone for, uh, moral support?
God, no, no. I don't need any moral support.
You only need support if you care about winning.
-It's just not a big deal either way. -Mm.
- What is not a big deal? - Oh, my God. - Whoa.
Uh, winning.
- I don't think winning's a big deal. - Spinning?
- Winning. - Oh, you really said winning! (LAUGHS)
That's bullshit. Winning's always better.
I don't think it is. I think sometimes it's actually worse.
How?
Well, if you need validation from strangers...
Is that a rabbit's foot in your hand?
No, no. This is, um...
(CLICKS TONGUE) It's part of a dead mouse
I found in the street, so...
It's not a mouse and it's not a rabbit's foot.
I cut the leg off my childhood stuffed animal
so that I can rub it whenever I want.
I mean, it's possible
my subconscious has some desire for awards,
cos I dream about it constantly
but as long as I shove that desire back down when I wake up...
everything's fine.
Oh, look! Mare's here.
And her date.
Ah.
I hope they have a pleasant evening.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(GLASSES CLINK) Summer and I really needed this.
Oscar gave me his plus one and all I had to do
was promise to match his purchase orders to invoices
for the entire month of July. But like,
July's weeks away. And look at that woman go.
What?
- You look beautiful, sweetie. - Thank you so much!
MARE: Good to see you too. (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
KEN: There's Marv's table. Social summit.
We should be here.
Nate, glad you could make it.
- Oh, thank you. - Oh, careful!
- Sober one month. - Bravest man I know.
Congrats.
I'm very proud of this. Gave a guy a bottle of whiskey for it.
- Hello, everybody. - Hello, everybody.
Hi, Oscar. I'm sorry, I think you're at the wrong table.
- Table 14. - Right, I'm sorry.
- Fifteen, but we should be 14. - Fifteen's over there.
(SUMMER LAUGHING) Aww! (SMACKS LIPS)
Is that a joke? Is that somebody's funny joke?
Wowee.
Making it look like we're at the kids' table.
- Maybe because I look so young. - It's not that.
- No. - I mean... (SIGHS)
(GROANS) OK.
- Mommy, Daddy. - Mommy.
- Hi! - Hi!
What are you doing here?
Well, we thought we'd bring them down to say goodnight to you guys.
- We already said goodnight. - They wanted to again!
- Oh, did you? - Yes!
OK, well, you guys are gonna go
with your Uncle Travis and Auntie Adelola.
(OVERLAPPING KIDS' CHATTER)
- What a night. - Yes. - What a night.
Have you two met my father?
Oh, Jesus wept.
Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?
Dude. Is it... Man!
You absolutely rock, dude. It's nice to meet you.
Theo Rolls Coal. I follow him on YouTube.
You get a diesel truck, you take off the carburettor,
you lock the brakes, you floor it, and all this black smoke...
Hello, hello.
..goes everywhere. Isn't that cool?
It's very bad for the environment.
I cannot believe I just met Theo.
Mare, put a ring on that thing, for real.
Alright, Travis, no one needs to know about your backwoods viewing habits.
- No offence, you can go to bed. - OK.
See you tomorrow.
Do I think Ned is a little jealous?
I don't know.
Hey, isn't that the girl you're dating?
The weather girl you're hooking up with?
- Oh! - Uh-oh! Is your whole rotation here?
(BOTH CHUCKLE) Yeah, yeah. It's Gloria Tornado.
She's hot. Are you gonna say hi?
(CHUCKLES) "Hi" would be pretty tame for us.
I'm gonna say a lot more than "hi" tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah. If I start it, it's not gonna stop at "hi," believe me.
OK. Well, maybe I'll go say hello.
And, um,
we can compare notes on you.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Mm?
Good evening, and welcome to the 63rd Annual Excellence Awards
of the Ohio Press Association.
(APPLAUSE)
I heard the chef is from Chicago.
How exciting is this evening, right?
Yes, it's good to be back.
It's been a few years. Hasn't it?
..to turn our eyes away from the broader world around us.
I need to distance myself from Esmeralda.
I'm getting swept away in her mediocrity.
A prestige shift is happening.
Oscar now has the ear of Marv and that is a dangerous thing.
Accountants have a nasty habit of getting rid of dead weight,
which was my nickname at school, and before.
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Nannies can be very cruel.
(MARV COUGHS) Oh, my God, no.
Marv's choking and I'm not there.
I'm supposed to be the back-patter!
Oh yes, the Putnams have very narrow oesophagi.
The Oregon branch of the family was completely wiped out
after their wagon train passed through a cherry farm.
KEN: Mm.
- Ken, can I... can I help you? - No, I'm good.
And now, "New Game of the Year."
This award honours a designer or news organisation
for exceptional engagement in print games.
- (quietly) Come on. - And New Game of the Year goes to...
Oscar Martinez for Mr Digit!
The Toledo Truth Teller. (ALL CHEERING)
Hey, it's good! It's good either way.
- MARE: Yeah! - Don't change. Don't change, though.
ESMERALDA: Thank you!
I... I'd be just as proud if he lost.
Oh, my God. Just admit you want something for once. (CHUCKLES)
You know what? I want to dedicate... (SIGHS)
..this win to a group
that doesn't get enough attention.
The documentary film crew that's been following me around
for the better part of 20 years.
I'm sorry I pushed you guys away before.
I think you guys are the only ones who really see me.
And, um...
I guess I was put on Earth to be a...
a documentary subject.
And I never told you guys this, but sometimes
I answer, uh, interview questions in my dreams.
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) (SIGHS) So, there you have that.
And they're playing me out now, which is pretty cool.
Um... uh...
I need to thank Marv Putnam.
(APPLAUSE) Marv, thank you
for ignoring the naysayers,
and for believing in us.
Thank you, Marv!
When he says naysayers, he means me.
I can only see one way out of this.
I need to save Marv's life.
Tonight.
(JAZZY UPBEAT RIFF PLAYS) (APPLAUSE)
- Your category's up soon. - Oh, I know.
Unlike you, I'm not pretending I don't care.
God, it just feels so ridiculous to even be nominated.
I think it would be ridiculous if you didn't win.
(SIGHS)
..Don Lye for "Kroger Wage Violations",
Mare Pritti for "Softees Clogs Toledo",
Kelcy Fist for "P and G: A Flood of Greenwashing",
and Huey Cheang for "Ohio State Admissions Explained."
And the winner is...
Mare Pritti for Toledo Truth Teller.
Oh, my God! (SCREAMS)
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Get over here!
(LAUGHING) Oh, my God!
(CHEERING, WHOOPING)
Yeah! Whoo!
- We did this together! - No, we didn't.
- We did this together! Wow! - No, we didn't.
- Whoo! - No, no.
Thank you. Oh, my God. (LAUGHS)
OK. Um...
When I first started here at the Toledo Truth Teller,
I wasn't even sure I would write an article I'd be proud of,
let alone winning an award.
Um... I mean, five months ago,
I was pulling articles off a wire,
ranking the arches on Love Islanders' feet.
(LIGHT LAUGHTER) Sorry, my heart is racing so fast.
OK, I need to thank my first editor-in-chief,
Sergeant Jones, the only editor
who can make you drop and give you 50 push ups
if you misuse the word "hopefully."
My high school English teacher, shout out to Mr Jenkins.
And finally, I need to thank
Ned Sampson... (APPLAUSE)
..our editor-in-chief, my editor-in-chief.
He gave me an opportunity
that changed my life.
And he tends to do that with people, so thank you.
All you need to do to make a dream come true is chase it.
Don't stop chasing.
Thank you, Ned. I can't wait to celebrate with you tonight.
(APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
NATE: That's awesome, Mare.
(SQUEALS, LAUGHS)
I can't believe I won an award for journalism.
It's just, uh... I don't know, it's hard to believe
how hopeful I feel right now.
I feel like, uh, anything could happen.
Ohio Award! (LAUGHS)
Theo and I, um, we go back to seventh grade.
He's a bozo, but we bring each other to stuff sometimes.
This year, we have felt the loss
of some of Ohio's most treasured journalists.
Let us take a moment to honour them.
(SOLEMN PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) (AUDIENCE GASPS)
Good evening, my colleagues. (PIANO MUSIC STOPS)
Keep playing, maestro. (PIANO MUSIC RESUMES)
My name is Esmeralda Grand,
and I'm so very sad
for all these dead people.
It's so sad to be dead.
Oh, sad, dead journalist
You made your final deadline...
(AUDIENCE SHUSHES)
Oh, yes, please. Respect to the dead!
You are gone
Sad dead journalist
You are gone
And no one will read you anymore
R-I-P!
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) (SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
(SIGHS) Thank you, thank you, guys.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
- Hey, hey, hey. - Don't, please, don't.
You specifically told me that you were dating other people,
but this whole time, I was the only person you've been seeing.
Glori... Gloria and I, we-we just went...
We went to go get drinks, right? I don't know how it happened. I was...
I don't know, one thing led to another, and we didn't have sex.
You tricked me into a monogamous relationship.
- It won't... It won't happen again. - Wow, that's great.
I wish I could believe you, but how am I supposed to trust you?
Am I supposed to, like, hire a detective and
get a video of you sleeping with someone else?
We had a good thing,
and then you acted like a dog, all loyal.
Oh.
I... I think we need to break up.
We don't, actually.
We can just not make a plan for a while.
We aren't in that kind of a relationship.
Yeah, see, um, I kind of was, though.
JEOFFRY: Wesley Holdswanger! SoWesley.
(CHUCKLING) He's still in high school.
Thanks.
Again, this is my third.
It's like he was born to be strangled.
(QUIETLY LAUGHS) WESLEY: ..work out, but, um...
I don't wanna mess up your performatively low expectations,
but you might win tonight.
- Do you wanna go over your speech? - Sure.
Let's find another place. I feel like it's so hard to think in here.
OK.
..who like to prey on my downfall, but, um, you know what they say,
"If you got a prize in your hand, you're the guy." So... - Boo.
- (LAUGHS) You can't boo. - I'm saying "blue,"
like the cheese, cos he stinks.
Gotta be somewhere.
Let's see.
No.
Mm-mm.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) - Oh! - Oh, no, no.
- God, no. Ooh! - Oh, yes, yes, yes.
No, no, that's a wedding. No, no, we can't.
I love this song. It's fine.
OK, this is nuts. No, no, no. This is nuts.
- No, it's fun. - I don't...
- Shouldn't be doing this. - Who cares?
- That was nice. - Thanks.
(EXHALING)
Alright. OK.
Do I start with a joke?
What is the joke?
"Being a good journalist runs in my blood. Literally.
I cannot make mistakes, cos I'm 'typo' negative."
(LAUGHING)
Forget the joke.
You laughed. (CONTINUES LAUGHING)
- Oh. - Sorry. I'm sorry.
No, it's OK. And then I'll thank the staff, obviously.
Yes. Oh, make sure you, um, thank Esmeralda.
She's been a little off tonight.
Yeah, yeah. I can say, uh, "Esmeralda, hey.
Great dress, where's your pitchfork?"
(BOTH LAUGH)
(SLOW SONG STARTS PLAYING)
(CHUCKLES)
- You know what? - Mm-hmm?
You say I'm the only one you need...
I think, uh,
whatever you feel when you get up there will be just great.
If you leave, my heart would bleed...
Thanks.
Tell me that our love's just begun...
And stay by my side...
What if I say that journalism is at a crossroads
because of underfunding? Would that be abusing my pulpit?
Excuse me?
Yeah.
(SIGHS) I don't wanna abuse my pulpit.
God forbid.
(SIGHS) Hi.
Hello, mate.
Do us a couple of thick slices, will you?
A hair wider than a common garden hose.
With the gristle. With the gristle.
Some lovely beef
for you to swallow. - Oh, thank you.
Now, who would like to hear
101 facts that'll make you gasp?
Huh, Marv?
Easter Island, the heads on Easter Island have bodies underneath.
Huh. I didn't know that.
- ANNE: Yeah. - Oh. Interesting.
The Terminator script was sold for one dollar.
- Ha! One dollar. - How? (GASPS)
One dollar.
- Otters perform necrophilia. - OSCAR: Why is that?
Because they're cheeky, Oscar. (MARV CHUCKLES)
Hey, Marv, what's not funny, ugly,
and, uh, speaks with a British accent?
(LAUGHS HEARTILY) Touche.
(COUGHING)
We're in.
Marv's choking. Marv? It's Ken.
I'm gonna save you.
Alright. Oi! Excuse me.
Oscar, you greedy bastard! He's mine!
Oh, God! No! Both the Putnam brothers are choking!
- They're choking! - Uh, Marv?
Marv, would you like me to save your brother? Marv?
Stop asking! Why are you just standing there?
- No, you have to... - I save Anne! I save Anne.
(SPLUTTERS) (ALL GASPING) Oh!
- ANNE: Great job, Oscar. - Whoo! You're OK.
(APPLAUSE)
Well, I'm not gonna stand here waiting to be thanked.
(DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES, MUFFLED)
- Thank you. - Alright.
(LAUGHING)
We should... We should get inside, right?
- Yeah. - Yeah. OK.
And Outstanding Print Coverage goes to...
..the revitalised Toledo Truth Teller!
(ALL CHEERING) MARV: Alright, oh!
Accepting for the Truth Teller will be Editor-in-Chief
- Ned Sampson. - MARV: Three wins. Not bad.
(CHEERING) Where's Ned?
Ned Sampson? Where are you?
(PHONE CHIMES) Oh, my God. We won.
- You won! You won! - What?
- No. - Yes! - How did we win? We won?
- You can give your speech! - Oh, my God!
These won't... Ugh! (DOOR RATTLING)
Let's get in this way. This way. (SQUEALING)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) Oh! Is such an honour.
Thank you! Is such an honour!
- OK. - Holy shit.
(BOTH LAUGHING) Oh, man.
- OK. - Is that one?
- Agh! OK. - Yeah!
- It's easy to be nominated... - Earlier this year...
..build a dream. - ..to get an award...
- But not to be nominated... - Rejuvenating local news...
- Toledo, thank you so much. - That's the real thing.
Sit down, asshats.
..improve local news in Toledo. Well, look at us now.
- Oh, God. - A way in? - Wait, I don't know.
Hello. Sorry. He won an award.
Teamwork makes the dream work. It's a team effort.
Yes, but he wasn't part of the team.
(LAUGHING) Oh!
- Do you know what you're gonna say? - No! Oh, shoot, my...
OK. Oh! Should I talk about my dad?
- Uh... No. - No?
OK. Why not? I've got a whole thing...
That's it. Hey!
(DOOR RATTLES)
(SCOFFS) Damn it, dude. You're winning.
And we have meetings every day, he's never there.
KEN: I would be catching up on them through the means of a memo.
- OK, we need to get you in there. - No, it's OK.
- Yes, we have to. - It's OK. I'm Zen.
Cut the shit, OK? You're winning. We have to get you in there.
- Look, this way. - Here...
(KEN CONTINUES TALKING INDISTINCTLY) Wait, OK, OK.
- Can you get through? - Yeah.
(GROANS)
You don't know even what responsibility means.
- Thank you, Toledo! - NED: Wait!
- I consult. - You do not consult...
Oh, my God. I'm here. I'm here! Don't... Don't start. I'm here!
Thank you so much. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Thank you so much! This is great!
Oh, my God! Thank you so much.
Oh, man. (CHEERING)
Oh, my God. I have some people I'd like to thank. Um...
- (quietly) Esmeralda Grand. - Uh, no.
- Uh, I have, uh... - No? Not at all?
I have my cards. I think I left my cards...
I know what I wanna say.
God.
I thought I didn't care.
So I-I just... I just wanna tell the truth.
And that is what we're try... (AUDIENCE GASPING)
- Goddamn it. - MARV: Give her room to breathe.
(AUDIENCE MURMURING) BARRY: That was a damn mess.
JEOFFRY: Miss? Miss, are you OK?
- To the Truth Teller! - Truth Teller! (ALL WHOOPING)
Detrick broke up with me tonight.
No!
So, what? Then you guys were, like, dating?
Nope.
- Are you OK? - Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
I just hope he's OK.
Wait, who's he with?
- Oh, well, that's a relief. - OK.
OK. I'm gonna get changed. See you later.
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
- Hey. - Hey.
(CHUCKLES)
Look at that. (LAUGHS)
Man, everyone looks magnificent in the light of the Preston.
- Mm. - Must be some special bulbs they use or something.
Everyone?
Yeah. Barry.
Barry's dad.
You.
Are you...
trying to tell me I look magnificent?
THEO: Ugh, there you are.
Mare, I'm dying. My eyes are closing.
- Um... Yeah. Theo, you know, I... - Good night.
- Good night, you two. - Wait, what?
Yeah. Don't worry about me.
- Get some rest. - OK.
Good night, dude.
- This is fun. - Yeah.
(WOMAN LAUGHING)
- Hey. - Congratulations.
- Thank you. - Congratulations to you both.
(LAUGHS)
Esmeralda, are you OK?
- Recovering. - You think you should be drinking?
- It's highly recommended. - OK.
Ooh. Tragic.
What?
Did we both not see the same thing tonight?
Marv is in love with Anne.
- Probably has been for decades. - He's principled.
Denying two people a lifetime of happiness is principled?
Anne works for him.
So? He can get another job.
Or he can stop being paralysed by what other people think of him.
A great man once said:
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
Also an idiot I used to know.
Alright.
- Good night. - Bye.
Esmeralda.
You know what?
So what? So what, if you didn't win tonight?
You made it to the stage a couple of times.
- Three. - I counted two.
I also made a toast at the wedding.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
(KNOCKS)
- Hey. - Hey.
- So... - What's up?
I didn't get to, uh, say my speech earlier on,
and I thought that you might wanna hear it now.
You know, it's not really a good time.
I know.
- It's just... It's one part. - Yeah.
OK.
"Jokes aside..." I did a joke.
"..I want to thank one person, most of all.
Someone that I consider my partner in this,
and without whom, my days..."
- Maybe you should read it. - OK.
It's a lot of "without whom"s.
I think the speech would have gone over really well.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
Alright.
Good night.
- Are you kidding? - What?
- You're just gonna walk away again, right now? - What? Yes.
-What else am I gonna do? I'm your boss, Mare. -Bullshit, dude.
It's the definition of a boundary. You got Theo. I don't wanna...
Shh.
(SOBBING)
Oh, my God...
This is probably awful to say, but that makes me really happy.
If any of your reasons were any good...
you would have left by now.
You don't think I want to kiss you?
- I have no... - I want to kiss you.
But this is... our team.
- You and me, we're just... - The Buddy and the Dude.
Buddy and the Dude. We're making it work.
We're making the paper work. This would be the classic,
fastest way to mess everything up. We can't do that.
I don't know, maybe we just need to, like...
get it out of our system.
Just get it out of the way so we can go back to being pals again.
I would love to be pals again. That would be... great.
I just feel like it's also gonna suck now it's been built up and...
That'd be great if it was terrible, cos then we could go back to normal.
-Exactly. -Because we would be a terrible idea.
Yeah. No, I know. You drive me crazy as it is.
- So I just... - Yeah.
You know, we're journalists, and I feel like...
We should verify.
We should do the research.
- OK, so approach the pal-maker. - Aah...
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
(UPBEAT THEME PLAYING)
I would like to make a toast
to this beautiful, beautiful couple.
My love, you are much shorter, right? Oh, my God.
Well, how... how does this work?
Uh... Oh, OK. No, but you look beautiful.
You look beautiful, and I really wish you a long marriage.
You just have to tolerate sometimes his affairs because...
I mean, who is in charge between you guys?
Probably you, right?
Because of the dimensions, maybe?
(UPBEAT THEME PLAYING)