ESMERALDA: Pride month is starting.
We have to get ready. This meeting is about the pride float.
I thought maybe gay pride and prejudice.
- It's too stiff. - Dungeons and drag queens.
- Ha! - Hell yeah. - I hate that so much.
Pride float is supposed to be a lot of fun.
No, I'm not gay.
I- Um... (CLICKS TONGUE)
Ned asked me to be there, and he didn't say why,
but I assumed it was to reel Esmeralda in.
How would everyone feel about
Esmeralda throwing rainbow-coloured toilet rolls
into the crowd at the parade? - I don't think that's necessary.
No one wants rainbow toilet paper.
Love your opinion.
Oscar, your voice is incredibly valuable.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Market research shows
that these are gonna be absolutely huge in June.
And if we want to keep up with the big boys,
we need to go even further. Maybe make some brunch napkins.
- Oh, yes. - Something like that.
Gays love brunch.
I love celebrating the LGBTQIA plus community.
If it was down to me...
..our corporation would support gay people all year round.
(LIGHT THEME MUSIC)
(MUSIC FADES, ENDS)
NED: Hey, everyone. Meet Toledo PD's Detective Arnold.
(SLOW CLAPPING)
Thanks, Travis. How's your dad?
He is in a really bad place right now.
Oh.
The detective has been briefing me
about a very important public safety matter.
- He's made me a kind of deputy. - No.
Not a deputy, but, uh, I have been deputised.
No, you have not.
But you agree I've been briefed?
Sure.
Uh, is this a true crime?
And if so, how detailed are you gonna get?
I love true crime. Calms me down before I go to sleep.
Oh, my God, me too. I was like this close
to starting a murder podcast. - I'd listen to that.
I'm afraid this is worse.
- Worse than murder? - No, worse than a murder podcast.
An alt-comedy podcast with a religious bent?
That bad. I mean, we're talking about a catfisher
who's preying on women online.
Well, American women are so gullible.
Do you know that over half of them die from eating expired food?
What? Seriously?
- Like, is that per year? - See?
Thank you, Detective Arnold.
I have your number because you gave it to me on this card.
No? Oh, sorry.
And I just want to say thanks,
and I'll check in with you this afternoon.
Only if it's important.
Oh, no, no. Hey, I wouldn't take the softies whiteboards.
Kimberly gets really territorial about them.
Kimberly will be fine.
OK, everybody. I think this could be a good story for today's paper.
- I love catfish. - This is what we know so far.
I'm referring to me and the police.
So, a serial catfisher on the dating app Latch has been posing
as service members who grew up in Toledo.
This catfisher matches on the app with a real Toledoan
and then reveals that they are "stationed in Germany."
After a lot of flattery and flirtation over DM,
the catfish drops that they don't have enough money
to come home for Thanksgiving.
We see where this is going.
The pathetic mark, out of pity, or more probably lust,
these are lonely people,
they start wiring money to the catfish.
At first, just enough for the plane ticket home from Germany to Ohio,
but soon the love letters multiply, OK, along with requests
for more funds. The nicknames the catfish will often use.
Sweet Cheeks. (ADELOLA LAUGHS)
- It's not funny. - Sorry.
Baby Babe. Cookie Princess.
Baby Baby.
And babe babe,
also sometimes just baby,
but you should look out for all of them. - No way.
(MARE GASPS)
What's going on?
I'm concerned for a friend of mine.
She is like a sister to me.
She is like- Yeah, dark hair, tiny, beautiful.
She's like a twin.
Like, imagine the German version of me.
So I'm just a bit worried that she could be the victim
of this dangerous internet catman.
ADELOLA: Oh, she's so got catfished.
You're burnt, Esmeralda!
What's the beef with me and Esmeralda?
Well, I made a list.
She told me my voice puts her to sleep.
She told me to put on blush because I blended into the white wall.
I dress like I shop from a box of clothes from an estate sale
for an old man who died a virgin.
That one's oddly specific.
Oh, yeah, and she made me buy her son a guinea pig
with my own money.
So, yeah, I'm gonna hit her while she's down.
- It looked like she saw a ghost. - That's what that was.
Oh, wow. This could be a huge story for us.
This could be a three-parter.
The Cleveland plane dealer won a Sydney award last year
for my steps on the cult leader.
Ooh! I read that. I blame the dad.
Imagine, right? The first instalment,
we just say the facts.
Then we reveal it happened to one of our own.
Part two, we publish the DMs.
Can the victim ever trust again?
Then, oh, my God. Part three, are our apps failing us?
How can she find love now? Ah!
- (whispers) Oh, God. - She has a son too.
Oh, did he ever call him dad? Hee-hee! Four parts!
How much money do you think she gave him?
- 1200. Easy. - Nah, that's a lot.
- (LAUGHS) Should we bet on it? - MARE: You guys,
I know what we're thinking. We don't actually know.
And honestly, we really shouldn't be victim shaming,
even if the victim is-
A self-hating woman who has way too many serpent bells.
- A really mean lady. - Alright. We got it out of our system.
That is a strong six parts and a possible making of.
I'm going to go talk to her.
(AWKWARD MUTTERING)
I just want to say for the record, guys,
catfish are beautiful creatures
and they don't deserve to be slandered like this.
Who the (BLEEP) took my whiteboard?
(KNOCKING)
- Hey, buddy. - Hi.
Couldn't help noticing you reacted pretty strongly
to that catfishing story back there.
I react strongly to everything.
Life is strong, and I'm a strong woman.
I don't mean to pry, but... (SIGHS)
..have you been corresponding with a serviceman
stationed in Germany by any chance?
I'm sorry, I think I didn't hear you.
Actually, I think I'm feeling a bit dizzy.
Oh, OK. (MOANS)
Can you please blow on the part of my hair?
Sure, sure, sure.
I was an elite toilet paper salesman,
and that takes patience.
People don't always need toilet paper
when you're trying to sell it to them.
But eventually, they will need it.
And who will be there when they need to use the bathroom?
What's his name?
Jarson.
- His name is Jarson? - Yes.
It's a common American name.
It's- It's Jason and Jared combined.
Ah! OK.
You know, I'd love to ask you and Jarson a few questions
about your relationship. How did you meet?
(APP CHIMES)
Ah! (LAUGHS) Oh, my God, he just replied!
Oh, he messaged you back right now?
He must have awoken in the middle of the German night
to urinate, you know?
Thinking about me.
(LAUGHS) (LAUGHS)
So he's not scamming me!
- Sounds- Sounds real. - That's what he's saying!
He's saying that he feels very bad about borrowing money from me,
and he can't wait to pay it back. He's very excited about it.
So perhaps it's going to happen on our first anniversary.
(CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) No story there.
- No. - I feel so relieved.
That is exciting. Can I speak to Jarson?
- No. - No? - No.
- Can- Can I see those messages? - No, no, no.
- OK. - No.
Please, Esmeralda, so I just- I think it's really important, OK?
- Yes. - Um, that you understand
that you could help a lot of people by participating in this story,
but first... - Yes.
..you need to admit the truth to yourself.
Here's my truth.
I need you to go away because I need to take some nudes
to send to Jarson.
- OK. - Thank you.
- Sure. - Ciao.
Mm-hmm.
She shouldn't be taking nudes.
ADELOLA: Yeah, no, I'll stick with that.
OK, so that is 2500 for Adelola.
So I guess 2501.
Don't you box me in, you son of a bitch.
Esmeralda's not ready to talk yet. We cannot get to a six-parter
without somebody's point of view. What do we do?
Why don't we just make Latch profiles?
Yes!
So we can catfish Esmeralda into doing the story?
No. Well, maybe.
I think Mare is saying so we can try to get a nibble
from the real catfish.
Does anybody already have a Latch profile?
- Mm-hmm. - (CLICKS TONGUE) I do.
So, last week, Nicole and I, um...
..we finally hung out.
Then a couple nights later, we hung out again.
I deleted my app immediately after the first hangout
when she was in the bathroom.
But I think we're gonna take things slow.
So, um, I won't mention it.
- You're not on Latch? - I deactivated my Latch account.
Well, you didn't have to do that.
Yeah, yeah. I- I know. I just needed more storage on my phone.
OK, well, you should reactivate it.
Right. For the story.
And to meet girls.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. For sex, right?
We're having a lot of fun with each other,
but he's still Detrick Work in my phone contacts.
Alright, everybody else create your Latch profiles,
and I will try to coax a yes out of Esmeralda.
Oh, guys, this is wrong.
Come on.
She's down at least 4,000.
- NICOLE: Yeah. - ADELOLA: Mm...
Ooh, the nudes, 4200.
Mm-hmm.
Hey. Tea delivery.
Thank you.
Such a nice idea for someone that drinks only coffee.
You know, I've had this experience happen to me, actually.
When I was in eighth grade, I gave my padlock combo to a girl
who told me she was gonna decorate my locker.
She stole my backpack.
(LAUGHING) Oh... I'm sorry.
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
Ah... I'm sorry.
If you don't do this interview,
you let other people tell your story.
(LAUGHS) ...delusional. (CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
So what?
What's all the talk about?
What are the chattering chickens clacking about?
My boyfriend?
Here he is.
(SIGHS) That's a picture of him holding a picture of me.
Look at his hands, like, the way he holds my picture.
That looks like Josh Holloway.
No, that's my Jerson.
- That guy? - Yes.
- From Lost? - Yeah, he was.
Until he found me.
Whoa, that's- That's Sawyer from Lost.
Josh Holloway. Rourke from Yellowstone.
- That's great. - He lives in Hawaii.
- Or so I've heard. - Yeah, Esmeralda, that's-
That's just a famous actor the catfisher is using
to seem attractive. I mean, Jarson could be anybody.
- He might be 11 years old. - Ooh!
Yes, of course. (LAUGHS)
When there is a group of single women
and one woman finds happiness in love,
the other single women try to take that happy woman down.
You know, like, um, in a bowling pot of lobsters,
you know, lobsters?
Do you know that the male lobsters
all lazily accept their fate,
while the female lobsters try to get out,
but, you know, clawing down each other during the process?
They will not claw down this lobster.
Hey, I thought you weren't creating a Latch profile
because you were scared of Summer. - My wife is not the boss of me.
My boss is the boss of me.
And my boss told me to create a bangin' profile, so-
That is a lot of right swipes for a guy with four kids.
Wait, I know this girl.
Alyssa. I went to junior high with her. I liked her.
Summer told me she died.
I sent, like, an Edible Arrangements and everything.
Hey, Mare?
- Yes? - Yeah, what's a fun military slang?
What is this? You're doing a Sporcle quiz?
No, I'm updating my Latch profile.
I figure a good victim would be a fan of the military.
You just wanted me to pop out a fun term for you?
Sounds like a lot of stolen valour, Ned.
Oh, no, no, no. I didn't mean to do that.
I'm screwing with you.
Say that you're into, um... Squids. That means Navy.
"I like squid." Great.
OK, now I get to see the rest of your profile.
- Mm... - What?
To be clear, as your boss,
I am not asking you to look at my dating profile,
nor, frankly, I'm not sure why you would even want to do that.
OK, it's for work, so it's fine.
- OK. - Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT)
"I may be 6'3", but I still like being the little spoon."
OK, this isn't work. Razzing me, not a part of work.
(LAUGHS)
(SIGHS)
This is potentially a huge opportunity for me.
They say that if you nurse a wounded tiger back to good health,
he won't attack you.
Eh...
- Get out. - And off I go.
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
- So, I re-downloaded Latch. - Uh-huh.
It's funny because I randomly had so many messages in my inbox.
Look, it's the 5 AM weather girl from WNWO.
- Uh-huh. - She's practically famous.
What are you doing?
I am letting Esmeralda's professional colleagues know
that she's going through a difficult time so they can reach out.
You think that's something she wants you to do?
I don't think she's in the right frame of mind
to know what she needs.
- OK. - Don't delete my Frisbee shot.
That's my best picture.
- The angle makes my arms look thick. - What is it with you and headwear?
I mean, who do you think you are, Diane Keaton?
Ooh! You look rich in this photo.
That is good Jarson bait.
Actually, you look rich in a lot of these photos.
- No, I don't. - I'm sorry.
Does your family own their own pickleball court?
That's not pickleball. It's platform tennis.
My uncle had one installed two summers ago,
and he is strictly middle class. - Mm-hmm.
That was a huge part of his mayoral platform.
Sweetie, she was a good friend of mine.
Or is a good friend of mine. I just haven't seen her in years
because you told me she was dead.
Well, I- I care because it's not true.
You didn't just get it wrong.
You told me she hit her head on a coral reef off of Komodo Island
and the dragons got to what was left. It was very graphic.
No, no- No, no, no. No. I told you that was for work.
Uh, well, you're not supporting me as a journalist.
This is exactly why I keep my private life private
and never mess with dating apps of any kind.
(APP NOTIFICATIONS CHIMING ON PHONE)
ESMERALDA: Hey, party people!
Esmeralda, hey, I was just coming to check on you.
I have an announcement.
Jarson just sent me proof his love for me is real.
Hey, darling. This is Jarson.
To let you know just how adored you really are, Esmeralda.
Oh, me too. I love you, amore. See?
Now, I hope this proves to your office friends that Jarson is real.
Jarson is not scamming you. And Jarson loves you.
So my sweetie just proved that his love for me is real.
And he just looks like that Josh Halloween person.
How do you explain the other victims?
That's a very romantic story. (LAUGHS)
Because he's actually my personal Robin Hood.
Yes, he scammed other women.
But it's just because he wanted to buy jewels for me
that he will bring when we meet in person.
- Oh, honey. - I think it's a cameo video.
TRAVIS: Yeah, there was a glaring edit.
And I'll tell you what, he should have used AI to smooth it out.
The catfisher paid Josh to make a video.
That's how come he keeps talking about Jarson in the third person.
You don't believe in love.
People talk like that all the time.
Esmeralda thinks you're all stupid!
See?
- What do you want? - I just want you to listen, OK?
I know this is embarrassing.
For you, maybe, because you're so alone.
And I'm so loved.
You are his piggy bank, OK? He's taking advantage of you.
I'm taking care of him.
That's what a woman does.
A woman makes her man happy.
And I bet that 50 dollars would make him very happy right now.
What, did you just wire him more money?
(LAUGHS) Oh... (COMPUTER CHIMES)
I did it again.
No, no, no. That's 150 dollars. Please stop.
You keep talking. I keep sending.
Allora, our hearts are connected through Cash App.
So as soon as I feel something, he feels it on his end too.
Stop. Stop it, please. Just on a money level.
I cannot allow this. It's so wasteful. Stop.
(CHIMING)
OK. Alright.
(LAUGHS) (CHIMING)
(TYPING)
Whoa.
Need any help?
Uh, I'm OK. Kinda on a roll.
- Cameo. - What's up?
Oh. (CHUCKLES) I was, uh-
I was wondering if you wanted to hang out after work.
Gloria, the weather lady, she's kinda hitting me up about tonight.
(SIGHS) Nope. I'm good.
OK. You sure?
- Because I don't have to hang out- - Yeah, have fun tonight.
Maybe we can- I don't know,
get together tomorrow or something, OK?
Yeah. Um, cool. Thanks.
Don't keep her out too late. She has to be at work at 4am.
Alright.
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING, CHIMES)
OK, I haven't seen your bio.
We are definitely not done here.
How do you still have access to my Latch profile?
You forgot to log out. "Well-behaved women seldom make history."?
It aligns with my politics
and, you know, invites a certain degree of mischief.
OK, you left story from your childhood blank.
What do you got there?
You know, something cute, but, you know,
also shows you as a caretaker.
Potential prey for the Jarsons of the world.
I used to cut my grandmother's toenails.
Is that a thing?
What, she- she didn't like anyone else doing it
after her arthritis got bad. I didn't mind. She's family.
She'd kick me in the face if I cut them too short.
RIP Granny Raz.
You sure that's funnier than my ultimate Frisbee team story?
How half of them thought I was left-handed when I wasn't?
Both of them make me nauseous, but for different reasons.
Why don't you keep working on the story and just-
Yeah, I'll tinker with this.
- OK. - Yeah.
The grandma story was gross,
but it was also really sweet.
I'd swipe right on that.
Hey, Adam, any hits?
Summer changed my password, and she's sending pictures of our kids
to all of my matches, so. - Adelola?
Oh, yeah, I got plenty of matches, heh.
But none of them are asking me for money, so.
Learning about the catfishing today has been a real eye-opener.
It has given me the tools needed
to extract 1,400 dollars from six old men.
I just gave Adelola 300 dollars.
She doesn't know it was me.
I catfished her. (CHUCKLES)
Now, it's an expensive hobby, but I see how it can be addictive.
Hey, Detrick, what about you?
Um, no scammers, but I do have a date later
with the meteorologist from WNWO. - Gloria Tornado?
- That's the one. - Lucky.
Sorry, Chief. I know you wanted a first-person story.
It's fine. Detective Arnold said he'd put me in touch
with some of the other victims, so.
They're coming in to be interviewed.
(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
Oh, wow.
They believe that my Jerson could love them?
Whatever they paid just to think about it was worth it.
Oh, mamma mia.
What did he tell you, my dear?
He promised.
He was about to bring me Prussian jewels.
And he never showed.
How about you, my good sir?
He was gonna come visit me,
and his ticket was stolen in the Stuttgart airport.
WOMAN: Me too.
Jarson was mugged at the airport on his way to see me.
- Twice. - Alright.
Let me ask you another question.
Have any of you seen the TV show Lost?
- Were we supposed to? - No.
And, you know, I'd skip it.
(GROANS)
MARE: Alright. (KNOCKS)
- Hey. - You owe me.
(NOTIFICATION CHIMES)
Well. Look who knows what they're doing.
- Me. - Oh, wow. I got a match.
I should have said that in a cooler way.
It's good that you stayed true to yourself in that moment.
First Lieutenant Joanne Schofield is matching with me.
- Is that him? Is he in Germany? - No.
It says she's one town over,
and she's asking if I want to get pizza.
Oh. Oh, cool.
No, it's good. At least you got something out of it.
And hopefully we get a hit from Jarson too, but it works.
- Mission accomplished. - Great.
- Ah. - No?
- Am I not allowed to salute you? - No, I'm not an officer.
But salute Joanne.
"Sorry, Joanne. I don't like pizza.
But thank you for your service."
(COMPUTER CHIMES) (whispering) Yes!
(in normal voice) Uh, hey, everyone, check out the news.
Hello, Esmeralda.
It's me, Josh Holloway, from "Lost" and "Yellowstone"
and that under-seen show, "Colony." Anyway,
your coworker, Nicole, bought this for you on Cameo
so you could hear it from me.
I'm not Jarson.
I'm Josh Holloway. I'm not your boyfriend.
I don't know how our wires got crossed.
I just say what they tell me to say on here.
But we're not in love.
I'm in love with my wife, Yessica.
I'm sorry. Mahalo.
(OSCAR SIGHS)
NICOLE: Hey, I- (SIGHS)
Well, he was in Hawaii.
ADELOLA: What?
(SNIFFLING)
Hey, has anyone seen Esmeralda?
I want to give her a last chance to get a quote in.
- You seen her? - She headed for the stairs.
Thanks.
Ay-yi-yi...
I wouldn't do that.
If I want your advice, I'll ask for it.
Merda! Merda! Sei uno stronzo.
Son of a bitch!
Sei una merda! Se una testa... (FRUSTRATED GROAN)
Sei pure brutto, sai?
What you watching?
Uh... Jarson's show.
- Hmm. - Lost.
I mean, Josh's.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
You were the closest with 4,200 dollars.
If it helps, I think he's dead for the whole show.
We'll run the story without her.
She's not up to a six-part series.
The Sydney Award can wait.
It's monthly.
(CRYING)
NICOLE: Hey. Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
A couple of us are going to ladies' night at Macaroni Barn.
You wanna come?
Come on. We can use some alpha energy out on the dance floor.
(MOUTHING WORDS)
(RAP MUSIC BLARING) ALL: Yes!
NICOLE: Get it, Esmeralda!
Yes, Esmeralda!
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
This is my freedom now This is my freedom
Who got the keys-
(UPBEAT THEME MUSIC)
It's so good to meet you, Detrick.
- Nice to meet you. - What a beautiful night out.
Yeah, you called it.
A lot of men are intimidated by a woman
who talks about the weather on TV.
(SHRILL LAUGHING)
(UPBEAT THEME MUSIC)