-Hello? -Hey fatso,
the holidays are over where is the report on the coconut?
The computer isn't working sir.
How much longer will it take?
Only the guy who fixes computers can tell you that, right sir?
Hey smartass, you read the report, right?
-Yes, I did. -Then tell me.
No sir. That goes against protocol.
If I tell you I might get arrested by the police.
Hey dumbass, do I look like the fire brigade?
The police is asking you!
That is why I can't tell you sir.
What if you decide to arrest me?
Hey fatass, if I come down there...
You will regret it!
I want the report! ASAP!
Now hang up.
Hey, move out of the way. Always getting in the damn way...
There are only two bites left please finish it son.
No papa.
Listen to Geeta.
Papa Googloo googloo.
No son I... Papa is at work right now.
Do Googloo googloo first.
Fine, only one time okay?
Googloo googloo eat it.
-Happy now? -Bye papa.
-Now give Geeta the phone. -Thank you papa.
Yes Geeta, did his mother call?
No sir, madam hasn't called yet.
Yes, call her if there are any other issues.
-Okay sir. -I am at work.
DG this case is f***ing with my head.
After so much trouble we have caught Sonu.
and now this idiot Ahuja confessed.
Tambe sir?
You were right.
No Tambe, you were right.
The day we found the coconut he disappeared.
He has a strong motive also.
Shut up.
I think they are both working together.
Don't release him till we get the reports back.
I won't.
Tambe sir.
"Tambe sir" what?
What? Just say it.
It's private.
Don't piss me off. Just say it.
Do I look like your servant? To come running when you call me.
-Should I say it? -Say it!
Sir, everyone could hear what you two were whispering about.
Really? What did you hear?
Go ahead and tell me what you heard.
This case has...
turned my mind into a vegetable.
It was so hard to get our hands on Sonu and this idi...
this carrot Ahuja
confessed to everything in front of everyone.
Hey shut up. Just shut up.
Don't act too smart. Shut up.
Wait a minute sir.
Hey, hey, hey.
Did you hear that?
No, right?
That is how you whisper sir.
Hey, bring him here. Come here.
-Get up. -Hey, bring him here.
Damn smartass.
Sit here. Come on.
I already told you sir,
the coconut did not have poison, it had jeera water.
Madam, coconuts have coconut water not jeera water.
Hey. Shut up!
We know who poisoned the coconut.
Sir, she just said,
"The coconut did not have poison, it had jeera water."
Are you even paying attention sir?
Tell me... was that your coconut?
I found it in the corridor sir.
Did you put the coconut there?
He did.
But you poisoned it?
Didn't Mrs. Ahuja just say... there was no poison.
Hey you idiot
then why were you just announcing it to the world?
"I poisoned the coconut." Why did you say that?
And why did you come to the police station?
Tambe. Calm down.
You. Mrs. Ahuja. Why did you come here?
Sir I have a friend named Neelima Patil.
She is sitting right outside.
Her husband...
It's a domestic violence case sir. We wanted to report it.
I told my friend that...
Digendra sir is a very nice man.
He will definitely help you. That is why I brought her here.
Wait... wait... wait a minute.
Look, Kapoor was definitely poisoned.
So either you did it or it was both of you.
-I got it sir. -What?
So...
Both of them tried to kill Kapoor together.
No...
But they failed.
It's fine.
First attempts often don't work out.
-It's okay. -Yeah, they don't.
Right? That is why you killed him on the second attempt?
Right? And you are so smart
that you didn't even throw the coconut out.
Sir, I never throw anything out. I am a law abiding citizen.
-Really? -I found the coconut and picked it up.
Then I was wondering whether I should throw it in the dry waste or wet waste.
Since the coconut had gone dry I put it in the dry waste.
And the murder weapon? Bromethalin?
Who threw that outside your house?
That fell sir.
-It fell? -On it's own.
So you didn't do anything?
Then why did you run away?
There is a difference between running away and being kidnapped sir.
I was kidnapped.
Kidnapped? Where?
-Punjab. -Punjab?
-DG... -Punjab.
Hello?
-Yes Ramesh. Sunflower society. -Yes, tell me?
It is a four-bedroom penthouse apartment.
3,200 square feet.
It's northeast facing. So it's perfect for Vastu.
-It's Kapoor's house. It won't sell. -Why not?
It's a murder flat madam.
The news is already circulating in the market.
Fine.
Okay Mr. Sonu.
Please begin.
Hey, are you sleeping?
No sir, I am trying to remember the story.
I had a black cloth on my face back then.
Just... let me focus.
So...
I was sitting at the keymaker's shop and enjoying the breeze.
And suddenly a black cloth covered my face.
They grabbed me and threw me in the car--
Hey! What are you doing?
They threw me in the backseat of the car.
Let's say this is the driver's seat.
I was sitting here.
You can keep driving.
The car was moving sir.
I could tell by the sound of the engine that
it was a diesel powered car.
We were driving on the highway when a narrow path came up.
And there was a river next to it. The river's current was very strong.
Suddenly the car turned.
Not towards the river. Towards the sewer.
The sewer smelled like industrial waste
because it contained Methane.
Hey, hey! What are you doing?
The road was bumpy.
It had potholes.
I think that went on for a patch of 3 kilometres.
Suddenly the car stopped.
Then?
Everyone got off the car and so did I.
As soon as I got off I stepped in some mud.
The mud flew onto a guy's face and he slapped me.
He said, "I am going to go pee. Don't even think about running away."
So I stopped thinking.
Hey, what are you doing now? What is that?
A loose thread from that black cloth kept going into my nose.
Oh... the string...
And then we were driving again...
and driving...
Hey! What are you doing?
I fell asleep. Sorry.
Don't sleep here. Keep going.
Then a butterfly appeared and she gave the elephant a flying kick.
The elephant said, "Why did you do that?"
The butterfly said, "I am your mother. Do your homework."
"Now sit like a chicken." Just as he was about to do that--
Hey, hey.
Do you think we are stupid?
How did a butterfly and elephant show up out of nowhere?
Sir, I was dreaming about a butterfly and an elephant when I was sleeping.
Hey, don't act extra smart.
Forget about dreams. Tell us what happened in reality.
I had a dream so I was telling you... Fine I will skip it.
That's right.
-Four master bedrooms... -Four bedrooms...
One guest room. Three bathrooms...
-Sunflower society 10th floor? -That's right.
It won't sell madam.
-Why not? -It's a murder flat madam.
-It won't sell. -Who said that?
-I am right aren't I? -Of course not.
It's impossible madam.
Everyone in the market knows madam.
You won't even get people interested in taking a look at the house.
But I am willing to sell it lower than the market rate.
-How much lower? -20% lower.
-No madam. It's impossible. Sorry. -Fine.
And then we finally stopped in a field.
-Fine. -And then...
Two luxury cars and a...
Tractor. Parked right behind me.
Six people got down from them and stood in front of me.
Their leader... was an uncle.
He said, "Sonu?"
I said, "Nice to meet you.
And how are you?"
And I got a tight slap on my face.
Then I heard the jangling sound of bangles coming towards me.
She was walking towards me.
It was Gurleen.
Hey!
How did you know that was Gurleen?
Because she came up to me and said, "Hello Sonu. Gurleen here."
Okay fine.
And then... a gun was loaded.
It was a double barreled shotgun,
I could tell by the sound of the gun loading.
Uncle said "Happy?"
I said "No uncle, very sad."
I got another slap because Happy was his son's name.
He said, "Happy, this is Mental Sonu.
Take this gun and shoot him."
That was scary.
For me and Happy. Both of us.
Gurleen started screaming.
"Let him go. Let him go."
But uncle was not in the mood to let me go.
Uncle said, "Happy, shoot him or I will shoot you!"
Happy... Happy pointed the gun at me.
I sneezed. He fired. But the bullet hit uncle's right hand.
Because someone screamed "Thank God uncle is a lefty."
And then it was chaos.
Gurleen screamed, "Sonu run! Sonu run!"
So I ran and ran and ran and ran into a pole.
I heard the sound thud. And I thought...
You don't hear thud when you hit a pole.
That's when I figured out that it wasn't a pole. It was a girl.
She screamed, "I am hurt! I am hurt!"
I said, "Gurleen? Gurleen?"
"Gurleen?"
She took off the cloth covering my head and gave me a slap.
That was not Gurleen.
I looked for Gurleen everywhere
but I just couldn't find her.
Then how did you come back to Mumbai?
First I went to a local police station.
I told them the whole story there and they refused to write my FIR.
They really liked my story. They said
here is my daughter's wedding invitation.
Be sure to attend and tell the story there.
That's it.
That is how I made it here today.
And it's not the end.
It's the beginning.
I made it here on Tambe sir's birthday.
What a day!
Why didn't you tell us that Kapoor is your ex-girlfriends boss?
He isn't sir. He was.
He was her boss.
He was a disgusting man sir.
It is a personal matter but
since you guys are my friends I will tell you.
He is the reason I am still a bachelor.
Then you must resent him a lot?
Resent him?
Just look at his predatory eyes.
I wish I could take his eyes out and...
But that's not my style sir.
Then what is your style?
Bromethalin?
Real men don't use poison sir.
I did what real men do.
Meditation.
I forgave him in my mind.
Forgive...
Hey! Hey smartass!
Just wait, we will prove that you committed the murder right now.
Bloody dry waste, wet waste... Idiot.
Sir, my mother says that
"My Sonu is so intelligent that
even if he commits murder he won't get caught."
Really? Does your mom say that?
You know what my mom says?
My mom says, "No matter how smart the murderer is
Inspector DG is so intelligent that he will definitely get them."
Right? Dumbass.
-All the best. -All the best...
I will definitely get you...
What?
It's the report sir.
Is it ready?
-Hurry up. -Yes, I am coming.
Mrs. Ahuja!
Bring me the medicine.
Mrs. Ahuja! Hurry up. Hurry!
What are you doing? What took you so long?
The fatso might come out. Give me that. That's all I need.
It was just jeera water.
I told you, didn't I?
Should I send him home?
Hey. Get out of here.
Get lost.
Tambe sir. My return gift?
Hey! Close your legs!
Get out of here or I will shoot you right here.
Okay sir, but... can I get some clothes?
The cab drivers will give me a bad rating if I travel like this.
Fine, go to the other room.
There is a lost and found box there. Use that.
-Okay sir. -Hey Phadnis throw him out.
Happy Birthday to you!
Get lost idiot!
-Get lost. Hey throw this guy out! -Hey come on.
Call me at night if you're planning a party.
Is your father planning a party here?
We told you, right?
It was just jeera water.
-Let's go Mrs. Ahuja. -Where are you going professor?
Sir, you just said...
It was just jeera water... right?
-Right? -Sir?
Will Mr. Ahuja be incarcerated in an 'Attempt to Murder' case?
That is a crime too.
Right baby?
Throw him in the lock up.
I will go drop madam outside.
Sir... me?
But it was jeera water right?
Come on you hairy b******. We will shave you.
Sir... you can't... You can't do this to me...
It was just jeera water! I didn't kill him! Sir!
Mrs. Ahuja said it was just jeera water.
Where are you taking me?
You can't arrest me for... jeera water. In there?
This place has hardened criminals
how can you put me in here?
-Get inside. Come on. -No... Don't...
-It stinks here! -Inside.
Sir! It was just jeera water.
Jeera water! Ask her. Ask Mrs. Ahuja.
-I told you it's jeera... -Hey!
You look like a good person.
Don't worry.
You will be released soon.
Thank you.
Worry about yourself.
I am a teacher in a university.
I will be released.
Mrs. Ahuja you can go home in peace.
Mr. Ahuja will be staying with us for a very long time.
Is there any way that Mr. Ahuja can be released?
I mean...
Is there?
Do you want him to be released?
Of course, I am his wife.
Why would any wife wish for their husband to stay in jail?
Except for me.
Come.
Mrs. Ahuja your housing society is no longer safe for you.
You should share your live location with me.
Are you saying that I should hand myself over to the police?
Yes, at least your location.
I will need your number for that.
What name should I save it as?
DG or Googloo googloo?
What are you looking at?
Drive carefully.
Oh man!
Tambe sir will be angry at me.
What is this? Why is there a nail here?
-Sorry sir, sorry. -If it infects someone you can go to jail!
Sir... my brother runs a tailor's shop nearby.
I will take you there sir. I will help you fix it sir.
-Forget about it. -Please don't say that sir.
-Just forget it. -Sir...
You guys always protect us.
This is the least I can do for you sir.
Fine.
Okay sir. Thank you.
Pull the meter down.
You are a police officer, right? How could I charge you?
-You protect us. -Fine, just go.
Let's go.
Cutting open a coconut is only fun
when you can enjoy the coconut meat at the end.
Did you find it?
I just cut the coconut.
Whenever you pull a knife out of your lungi...
I feel it right here.
Handsome.
Hey...
why are you crying?
What I said was not good or bad.
These tears are a magical thing Kamini.
When I am sad...
or when I am happy...
and even when I am angry.
It flows out in all of those situations.
But it always comes out when it needs to.
Listen. Listen to me.
You are exactly like your coconuts.
Hard and strong on the outside.
But soft on the inside.
That's what she said.
Show me.
It's a very big hole sir.
It will cost 500 rupees.
What are you saying?
You will take money from a police officer?
Hear that?
That's true.
The police can only eat up all our money.
Hello?
Nobody eats money.
They use the money to buy food and they eat that.
Fix my uniform or call the owner.
What is wrong?
What is wrong, sir?
He won't fix my uniform.
Uniform?
Hey? Do you want to get me in trouble?
Do you want me to close down shop?
When did I refuse?
Shut up and do your job.
Sir, the thing is... the guy who fixes clothes is on holiday.
Till then I could... you could wear a different shirt.
I will go get it.
Fine.
You can wear this.
Is that okay?
Can I get something in pure cotton?
This is a tailor shop not a showroom to buy clothes.
Stop your muttering.
The perfect society needed a perfect form.
This is the gift of our term.
What perfect society?
There was a perfect form during my term as well.
But nothing was happening. There was indiscipline.
Everything was perfect. There were systems in place.
There was proper discipline.
People would enter and leave without any permission...
-Mr. Iyer. -Yes?
Someone has moved in to 1001.
In Raj Kapoor's flat!
Without our permission?
Who is it?
How can anybody just waltz into the society?
After all we have such strong protocols.
We are Sunflower society, not some roadside chawl.
Exactly. We live in a respectable building.
And we shall remain so.
Till I am chairman.
Scared.
Open the...
Mr. Iyer?
Society chairman?
-This... -Mrs. Kolkar.
How is husband?
Pinky pinky, juicy juicy.
-This-- -Namaste Mrs. Mittal.
How are you Mr. Patel?
Mr. Wadhwani?
Which direction does the sun rise?
Hi.
Hello.
This is a welcome from the chairman's team.
So sweet.
Thank you.
We are like that.
I don't understand DG,
who would steal an eye?
Forget about that Tambe.
Just think, if there was no poison in the coconut
then how did Kapoor die?
And who killed him?
Kapoor sir...
Who was on duty when Kapoor's eyes were stolen?
I saw him.
Excuse me. Can I have your phone number?
He chatted quite a lot with someone called Barbie Doll.
You may come home anytime. Most welcome.
They seem close.
Where were you? You had sex, didn't you?