[man] Two, three, four...
Here you come again
And you say that you're my friend
But I know why you're here
She wants to know how I feel
Tell her that I am happy
Tell her that I am gay
Tell her I wouldn't have it
Any other way
People have been talking
[woman] No, that... That... That's just, that's ridiculous.
[woman 2] I'm telling you, it's a planet again.
Pluto was always a planet.
No, it wasn't. Now it is again.
This is like when you tried to tell me a strawberry is a nut.
- Strawberry is a nut. - [Irene] No.
Anything with seeds on the outside is a nut.
- A raspberry? - A nut.
I hate your cunt heart.
- My tots are done. - [Irene] Oh, whoopie.
So, what are we going to watch tonight?
You want to keep going with Euphorica?
Kids who think they invented fucking? No, thank you.
Oh shit. Goddamn fletchers have the remote.
[Joyce] Hey, fletchers. We're gonna watch Shark Tank.
Majority rules the remote.
Majority rules my foot up your ass.
What is this garbage?
[Joyce] So you finish Quaintsfordshire Murders
and now you want us to care about who dies in Norway?
- [fletchers] Shh! - [Irene] The blonde did it.
Bitches.
Ooh, Irene, did you charge your heart cuffs?
I sure did, Billy.
[chuckles] That's hilarious because, um, I'm showing Irene,
zero percent. No transmission.
Oh, why, you want to track my every movement,
so you know every time I go to the bathroom
so you can jerk it to the knowledge
that I'm pooping?
It's not a GPS, Irene,
all it does, is track your vital signs.
Not gonna chip me like some dog.
Woof!
[Betty] Last chance!
Last chance to sign up for the zoo trip.
Oh, sure. Great.
[gasps] Oh, wait, though.
Will we get back in time to change our diapers
and to watch Teletubbies?
We're not fuckin' toddlers, Betty.
We've seen emus before.
[Betty] If you can't make an effort
to be a more positive community presence,
I may have to report
your illegal drug plants to the administration.
No, no, no, no.
- No, no, no. - Our life-saving medicine.
I know you don't have glaucoma.
And I... And I hate this
Witchy Chinese game you're playing.
What are these, runes?
That's right, Betty.
We're Satanists who love drugs.
What a fucking cop.
[man muffled] All right now.
So we have you on our third floor.
That's our medical care unit.
I can give you a full tour of the facilities.
[fades in] And I'm gonna get you set up on our heartcuff system.
But I'll let you get settled in first.
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
We have to kill that motherfucker.
Comin' down
Yes, I'm comin' down
We happy?
I'm comin' down, down, down, down, down
Comin' down with a heartache
I ain't sick but I got a fever
Blood pressure's runnin' high
Pulse ain't right I can't sleep at night
And here's the reason why
Watch out, Earnhardt.
This ain't bumper cars.
I am so sorry. Wait a minute, Irene.
I guess I was just going a little bit too fast.
- [man] You all right? - Yeah.
Mario Andretti over here.
A doctor can diagnose
'Cause when a heart starts to fall apart
You can't hear the stethoscope
What's wrong with me? I said it's a simple fact
I don't believe you're ever comin' back
- I'm comin' down - Down
- Comin' down - Down
I'm coming down, down down, down, down
Joyce, can you wheel me over to the shitter?
- [woman] Ugh. - You have to go again?
Hurry it up in there.
The bus is here.
The animals aren't going anywhere.
We can't miss the orangutan show!
She's very impressive.
Betty, you think Velcro is impressive.
I'm so glad...
you came back.
It's 11 : 10. The bus is going to leave.
I got to piss. What the hell is she doing in there?
I don't know what to tell you people.
She has diarrhea.
That's it. I've had it.
- [woman] The bus is ready. - Betty. Betty!
Oh. Good.
You gonna help me wipe?
Because my crevices have crevices.
- Excuse me. - [man] Finally!
Big deal.
[man on speakers] Attention. Would our guests
from Mossy Oaks Retirement
please meet the zookeeper liaison in the primate area.
Melanie is performing now.
[Joyce] Okay. I think this is good.
- Right here? Okay. - [Irene] Hmm.
Here. Let's do this.
Okay. You ready?
Yeah. I'm good.
- You don't look ready. - I'm just... I'm good. Just...
Girl?
- [Joyce] You good? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take, take this off.
- I'm not getting a pulse. - [man] Go, go!
[Billy] Charging.
Clear.
And clear.
Mm-hmm.
Oh dear, who is that?
Uh, new guy from 312, Ben. Heart attack.
[narrator] Does the perfect murder exist?
This, I have asked the owls.
[fletchers] Shh!
- Hey, do you mind? - Sorry.
Hey, hey, hey. Don't worry about the fletchers.
Oh, the fletchers. Thanks.
I got to say, they seem very hardcore. What are they, Dutch?
No, just into murder, very rude.
Now, me, I would never tell a lady
when to stop sucking.
What the fuck, dude?
[Betty] Pete,
stop pestering the new girl, come on.
And don't forget to sign up for the zoo trip next week.
That is a very pervy guy.
- It's pervy Pete. - Explains it.
[Betty] Steer clear of his entire gang,
Chlamydia Cal and Gonorrhea Greg. They're creeps.
Well, at least truth in advertising, huh?
Actually, I think it's Greg that has Chlamydia.
Aha. So, kind of an Iceland-Greenland scenario.
I know everything about everyone who lives here.
Just stick with me. I'm Betty.
Hopefully not Botulism Betty.
[Betty] Most people don't realize all the things
you can do with an Instant Pot.
Cheesecake. Denver omelet.
I once made a beef bourguignon
- in 22 minutes. - Oh, Jesus.
Ladies, would you please turn
your ghetto blaster down?
Watch out for these two.
They're felons.
- And junkies. - Right.
Ah. Real den of iniquity, this place.
Whatever you do, stay away
from Joyce and Irene.
[Charlie] I don't think I want to know.
I really don't.
- Ah! - [Irene] That was awful.
You guys are trouncing me,
'cause you are a pair of shuffle sharks.
Your form is off. You're too tense.
- You need to loosen up. - What? No. I'm loose.
That's my whole thing. Am I not loose?
- You should try rage therapy. - What's that?
That shit feels good.
Hey, you, come on. Reach deep.
It starts in the labia.
Mm-mmm. You know...
I think that I'm fine with bottling.
I... You don't want to see me unbottled.
You can't... You can't handle the unbottled.
Well, the thing that got us
- through our stint at Bedford Hills. - [Joyce] Yeah.
Crazy. You kids were really inside, huh? Upstate.
[Joyce] We were political prisoners.
- [Charlie] Wow, no shit. - No shit whatsoever.
[Charlie] How'd you get into that?
I was in college. It was a turbulent time.
- Oh yeah. I mean, the '60s. - Did you hear that?
- The '70s, bitch. - [Charlie] Oh, right.
You know, I was going to say the '90s because of all the flannel.
You'd have been better off going there.
- I'm so sorry, - True
just a pair of tweens
and a shuffleboard.
[Charlie] Whoa-whoa!
- Irene! - [Irene] Yeah, that's right.
Very straight edge.
I mean, not at all what I was expecting.
Yeah, I was on the straight and narrow
before I met my guardian devil.
- What? - Yeah. She was shouting down
some coeds on the quad,
- and I heard what she was saying - Bitches.
And my brain opened up.
World didn't make sense before that...
[clicks tongue] And then it did.
It's adorable.
[Irene] She brought me into the group.
Changed my life.
Ah.
Introduced me to Gabriel.
Ooh-la-la.
Who's this Gabriel? What, who's Gabriel?
Gabriel started the group.
He recruited me and...
- ...he trained us, inspired us. - Trained us.
He was our... He was our guiding light.
I see what's happening here.
I'm getting a real magnetic vibe.
Like a cult leader with pretty eyes.
Ehh, he looked like one of those white guys
you see in the picture frames that you buy from Target.
Excuse me.
- No excuse you. - Irene, you're nuts. Uh-uh.
Excuse me. Gabriel was hot.
Okay, I'm gonna split the diff.
I'm gonna picture my high school French teacher.
One thing's for sure though...
[both] Dick like a fire hydrant!
Oh, good for Gabriel.
- Everyone enjoys it. - [Irene and Joyce] I know.
Yes. Well done, Gabriel.
Gabriel was more than that.
You know, he... He knew that we could make the world a better place
if we hold the assholes to account.
You feel me?
- I feel you. I feel you, I'm... - That was Gabriel.
I am picking up what you're putting down.
And I gotta say, you two are the coolest motherfuckers
I have met in a very long time.
Seriously. I mean, sorry to curse, but it's necessary.
- Cool. - So what happened after that?
What happened after he recruited you?
We went to work.
Hold on
Ngozi Family
[Charlie] I got to say, it sounds like
I was born in the wrong time.
We were starting to get a reputation.
A band even put our picture
on the cover of their album, The Droopy Hues.
[Charlie] The Droopy Hues.
Gosh, what an awful name for a band.
- Were they any good? - Awful.
You mean like...
[Joyce] Uh, Charlie. Yes.
But... together.
Okay. The Euphorica generation
can't handle the heat?
Euphoria? How old do you think I am?
Don't forget to charge your heartcuff, Irene.
And don't forget to take your head out of the man's ass, Billy.
You know you don't live here, right?
Is that Elaine's cardigan?
You know what, I found it
in the, uh, the lost and found, which I got to say is stellar.
- So much stuff in there. - [Joyce] Mmm.
No, it's, uh, it's actually not lost.
Um, she had an aneurysm and died...
in that sweater.
Yeah, it smells like Icy Hot and a life well lived.
She's gone full Cocoon.
[Irene] Billy, will you marry me?
Hey, Billy, Billy.
So, you're living, you're loving,
you're changing the world.
What went wrong?
Oh, we were planning our most direct action.
It was the real revolution.
[Joyce] We were gonna set the world on fire.
[Irene] We were on the cusp.
That's when it always happens, right?
It was a raid.
So that's how...
that's how you got arrested?
Their plan wasn't to arrest us.
They came in there with guns a blazing.
We all tried to run, but...
Irene...
Irene was brave.
She couldn't leave Gabriel behind.
[officer] You, on the ground, on the ground!
[Joyce] Hey, look at me, I got you.
Hey, I got you, okay.
- [Irene] I can't feel my legs. - I got you.
[Irene] I can't feel my legs.
I can't feel my legs.
They took... Took everything.
My legs...
Our freedom.
And Gabriel.
Just hope he didn't suffer.
But we'll never know.
Pfft.
Fucking Christ, man. You two.
All that loss and you keep moving forward,
living your lives.
Forgive and forget, right?
[Irene] Oh, sweetie.
No.
We never forgive.
[Billy] We have yoga, swimming,
Pilates, if that interests you.
All right, if I can get your signature right here.
Sign on the bottom.
All right. We have you in a suite
on our third floor, our medical care unit.
I can give you a full tour of the facilities
and get you set up with our heartcuff system.
But, uh, I'll let y'all get settled in first.
Okay, what else, what else, uh...
Okay, I think you guys are ready to come on up to the third floor.
Let's go! Actually, I have someone to
carry those bags for you.
Charlie!
All right, Uncle Ben,
I've got to hit the road.
I, uh...
love you.
I'm his nephew.
Sure.
Want me to, uh, close that window?
No, I like the cold.
Ah!
So, where are you from?
Nowhere.
You got any visitors?
Uh, 'cause I can let the front know,
this place can be a real maze.
I got no one.
All right.
I'll get this.
Welcome.
Catch a boat to England, baby
Maybe to Spain
Wherever I have gone
Wherever I've been and gone
Wherever I have gone the blues are all the same
Gabriel. [laughs]
Send out for whisky, baby
Send out for gin
Me and room service, honey
Me and room service, babe
[Joyce] Even when I saw you,
I couldn't believe it.
We both couldn't.
But I knew your eyes.
I've thought about this moment for years,
imagining what I'd do and what I'd say...
if I ever saw you again.
And now that I finally found you...
I don't know.
[Joyce] We would have looked for you.
We never would have stopped looking.
We thought you were dead.
But you got away.
Thank God you got away.
Wherever I have played
Whenever I've throwed them dice
Wherever I have played the blues
Have run the game
Maybe tomorrow, honey
Someplace down the line
I'll wake up older
So much older, mama
I'll wake up older
And I'll just stop all my tryin'
[Gabriel] I didn't have a choice.
Things had gotten out of hand,
and I... I couldn't stop them.
Not on my own.
I know I did the right thing.
But it kills me that I had to hurt
the ones I loved.
It kills you?
Man, we lost...
decades of our lives.
I lost my goddamn legs.
I know.
I'm sorry.
That's why I'm here.
I have this dream
where I see...
the two of you in a crowd, and I follow you.
For miles. For miles and miles until my feet bleed.
I try to explain myself.
But you never turn around.
In 50 years...
You never turn around.
And I realized that
the dream would never change
until I told you the truth.
Can you please forgive me?
Sure, Gabriel.
We forgive you.
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
We have to kill that motherfucker.
It's 11 : 10. The bus is going to leave.
I got to piss. What the hell is she doing in there?
Look, I don't know what to tell you people.
She has diarrhea.
Bullshitting about shitting. Rock on, ladies. Great.
The bus is ready.
All aboard for the zoo.
[man on speakers] Attention. Would our guests
from Mossy Oaks Retirement please...
Hey, ladies. I almost forgot.
Check it out. I scored it on Etsy.
Droopy Hues.
Okay, let's settle this. Which one is our friend Gabriel?
Um...
Huh. Not what I was expecting.
But you did not over-hype the D-train.
- Yeah. Yeah. [chuckles] - Uh...
All right, so you guys coming to see this chimp show?
No, you know, we're going to pass on it.
- We, uh, we have an allergy. - Allergy.
To monkey dander.
- [Irene] Yeah. - Ah. Bullshit.
And big mistake.
Enjoy gettin' high.
And catch you on the flipside.
- On the flipside, baby. - All right, ladies.
- All right. - [Irene] Let's go, down here.
[Charlie] Wait for me, chimpanzee.
Now, Melanie,
can you tell me what time it is?
- 2:23. Excellent! - Wow!
That's amazing.
Oh man.
Joyce and Irene are really missing out.
Deviants.
Very uptight.
- This one. - All right, thank you.
We weren't even gone half a day. What was it this time?
Oh, new guy. Ben.
- Oh shit. - Uh, excuse me.
[sighs] Man!
Who was Ben?
That's a...
That's a question for each of us
to answer for ourselves.
And so,
let us take a moment of silence
to reflect on Ben's life
and what he meant to each of us.
Psst. Hey, fake nephew.
Sorry for your loss, man. Scoot over.
Why are you...
I'm a real nephew.
Oh. Listen, I don't care why you're lying.
You know, if it was uh...
a sugar daddy situation or whatever...
It wasn't... Oh.
He was my uncle.
Oh, sugar uncle?
Regular uncle. No sugar.
Aren't you, like, the bellhop?
You didn't know him. Why are you here?
Well, he just, he seemed sad.
Like, he didn't have anyone, you know.
I figured I could show up here at least,
you know.
The truth is, oh, I mean, I shouldn't tell you this,
but he's dead now, so it's probably...
Ben was in witness protection. I was his case agent.
- Wow. No shit. - Hmm.
So you're, like, FBI?
Technically. I mean, yes, I am.
It's just...
I thought I'd be, you know, fighting the war on terror.
Instead, I'm getting groceries for guys
whose testimony was relevant before I was born.
Never mind that I'm fluent in fucking Urdu.
- Oh, wow. - Yeah.
Thank you.
So was he, like, Mafia?
Did he do wet work?
I've said too much already.
Gosh, where do I know this guy from?
Was he on TV or something?
I don't think so.
[snaps fingers] Fire hydrant.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
- Droopy Hues. - Droop... What?
Yeah, that's Gabriel. Look at his dick.
Y... Yes. What? How do you know that?
Well, not to brag, but I'm friends
with these pretty super cool chicks,
Joyce and Irene, who live here,
and they were telling me about their old flame.
- Ow, dude. - Joyce Carter and Irene Smothers.
Yes, Joyce and Irene.
Joyce Carter and Irene Smothers are here?
Yeah, they're my buds. We Mahjong. Why?
Fuck.
Comin' down
Joyce, Irene.
Special Agent Luca Clark, FBI.
Come with me, please.
I'm coming down, down, down, down, down
Coming down with a heartache
[Luca] Charlie.
[Betty] They use illegal drugs.
They have zero respect for quiet time.
And at the zoo,
they were doing some kind of sexual zapping.
And at Peter's birthday party,
they both had two pieces of cake. And I... I didn't get any.
Yes, ma'am. Thank you for sharing
all of this very helpful information.
Those two are no good.
What a fucking cop. [scoffs]
Okay, so the heartcuff data pins the time of death
when Joyce and Irene were at the zoo,
so they didn't kill Gabriel.
Well, I could have told you that.
Well, normally, if someone in witness protection meets
the people he, you know, witnessed
and then suddenly drops dead...
Wait, are you saying that Ben or Gabriel or whatever,
he's the guy that ratted them out?
Oh God. I'm just so, so dumb.
He said he wanted to transfer here,
and I said, "Mossy Oaks. Sounds nice."
I did zero research whatsoever.
Oh, yes. No, that is not very thorough.
But, uh, don't beat yourself up.
'Cause guess what, they didn't kill him.
I mean, with the zoo and the time,
and I know them,
these guys are cool as shit.
Okay? They are not murderers.
Charlie, Joyce, and Irene are not cool as shit.
They're domestic terrorists.
All right, Mr. Man.
Do you know what they were planning
- when they were arrested? - Yeah, I do.
They were doing some kind of a big march or something.
- So that's, uh... - There were going to blow up a meeting
of the Model United Nations
with bombs they made out of
[quietly]...pressure cookers.
Huh. Wait, I'm sorry, they were going to blow up the UN?
The Model UN.
As in high schoolers pretending
to be the UN for extra credit.
Okay. Is that better or worse?
Because, I mean, that's not the real UN, right?
It's so much worse. They...
They were going to kill children...
with explosives.
Huh.
- Yikes. - Yeah.
- Anything comes up. - Yeah...
You should keep that. I don't need that.
Maybe they didn't kill Gabriel,
but watch your back, Charlie.
Those two women are extremely dangerous.
That was intense.
I felt like I was in Wolf of Wall Street
all of a sudden and not the fun parts.
Are you a rat, Charlie?
Eh?
They grilled us for an hour.
And you know we hate pigs.
And rats.
Hey, hey, hey.
I hate pigs and rats, too.
And snakes.
Half the Chinese zodiac is no good in my book.
Hey, guys, it's me, okay. It's Charlie.
I didn't know the guy was a Fed until we started talking.
He just sprung it on me.
I'm no stoolie.
If I had known who Ben was,
I would have steered clear.
Wait, why didn't you just tell me,
you know, that... that Ben was Gabriel?
How do you think we feel?
Knocks on our door the other night, says,
"Hey, I'm alive, and I betrayed you both."
Geez. How'd that go?
We told him we forgave him.
Ha. Good.
Forgiveness. All right.
Oh, uh, I did want to ask you guys about this,
this crazy thing, it's probably nothing.
So apparently, you guys were going to...
I don't know, blow up some kind of
United Nations for babies or something.
Charlie, what you have to understand
about these elite prep school kids,
they were the offspring
of the reigning fascists of the day.
[Joyce] And we wanted to send a message
to the next generation of war criminals.
I see, uh...
Just to be crystal clear here,
so, uh... We're talking about...
blowing up high school kids?
Like, with bombs?
It was a different time.
Uh-huh.
All right.
I got to say, I really feel like
we glossed over some details here.
You know who you're beginning to sound a lot like?
- Betty. - Betty.
Right. [chuckles softly]
I got to say, you know,
you're starting to sound a lot less like Hoffman
and a lot more like Manson, so...
Oh, shit.
Wait, uh,
did you guys...
Did you kill Ben?
You wearing a wire, Charlie?
Hmm?
Hey, Agent fuckface. Go suck an egg.
All right, man, stop talking to my tits.
You know what? I...
Fuck! I just... I really thought you guys were, like,
these two super-cool women.
You know, all this talk about standing up for what you believe in
and holding the assholes accountable...
Oh, wow.
You're the assholes.
Got it.
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Yeah.
[fletcher #1] Is that a Skarsgard?
[fletcher #2] You think everyone is a Skarsgard.
Well, everyone is a Skarsgard.
Hey, hey, you guys watch a lot of murder shows, right?
[fletchers] Shh!
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
Uh, I was just wondering, um,
do you know of any easily accessible poisons
that would trigger an undetectable heart attack?
Potassium chloride.
Standard go-to, third season Lillyflay Manor.
Calcium chloride.
Epinephrine.
Sodium nitrate.
Common gardening ingredient.
Of course, it's hard to top ricin.
[all fletchers] Ooh, ricin.
Eh, what about the... the gardening one?
Oh, sure.
Couple of CC's of sodium nitrate
and you're deader than dirt.
[fletcher #3] And the best thing is,
it's a naturally occurring compound in the body.
Trying to find that in an autopsy,
[scoffs] forget about it.
Right on. Gardening.
Okay. Okay. As you were.
[fletcher #3] Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
- Sodium nitrate. - Oh.
Yeah, I guess so.
If that's what she, uh,
uses for her ganja situation.
Man, what's she been doing with it?
I gave her a week's worth on Monday,
then another week's worth on Wednesday.
You tell her, don't shoot that stuff.
It'll mess you up.
- [Charlie] Fake nephew. - Charlie. Hey.
So, listen, if I, uh,
if I had some information
about Ben's death, is that something,
like, could you keep my name out of the whole business?
Yes, that's what I... My job is literally witness protection.
It turns out that Joyce had access
to some sodium nitrate the day before Ben was killed.
[man over phone] Oh. Your last guy got whacked?
What is that? Am I, uh...
Sorry, am I on speakerphone?
Yes. No, that's Gino the Bull.
It probably wasn't even murder.
Probably? Marone.
This ain't inspiring a lot of confidence, you know.
[Luca] Charlie, how could they have killed him
with sodium nitrate?
Time of death was 2:23.
They were at the zoo with you.
2:23.
Two-two-three. Whoa!
Whoa, dude, dude, that's the time of the monkey.
What of the what?
Oh, the... The... The... The monkey at the zoo.
The show, you know, it tells time.
Melanie. Melanie, she's amazing.
And when I saw this show,
the time the monkey told was 2:23.
That's a weird coincidence, huh?
Uh, I mean,
do you think that maybe she's, uh...
You think she's some kind of a monkey pre-cog?
Pre-cog. Like Minority Report with monkeys?
No, I do not.
I would watch that movie, though.
[Charlie] Wait, wait, wait. No.
So, Joyce and Irene, they skipped the show.
Fuck, yes, they could have...
Ah, shit, no, it's not enough time for the drive,
but maybe they faked the time of death.
[Luca] Charlie, remember what I said about those two?
- Be careful with those two... - Yeah. Hey, Billy!
Let me call you back, okay.
Billy. Hey, how you been?
I was wondering, could I get a quick peek
at the data from Ben's robo-arm-bracelet?
No, absolutely not. That'd be a HIPAA violation.
Oh, yeah, and I'm hip-a to what you're saying.
But, uh, maybe just this once.
Okay.
- I shouldn't be doing this, but okay. - Thank you.
Look, you can see the whole story.
He had a cardiac spike at 2:23, and then the vitals just stopped.
And after that, we tried to defib him, but he was already gone.
Let me ask you something, is it possible to, uh,
I don't know, fake this?
Like, could you go in and change it?
- No, no, it's hard data. - Huh.
What's this... this blip at 11 : 10?
- [Billy] Maybe he was startled. - [Charlie] No, but look,
I mean, the heartbeat, it changes.
I mean, it's a different speed, strength.
It's almost like he switched hearts or something.
That is weird.
[Charlie] 11 : 10.
That's right around when we were leaving for the zoo.
Ah...
She bullshitted about shitting.
All right, Luca, are you ready for some grade-A figuring?
So she climbed up the plant ladder,
swapped out the heartcuff, killed him at 11: 10.
Then she climbed back down, went to the zoo,
and faked the cardiac spike during the monkey show.
- Bing-bang-boom. - Bing-bada-boom.
- It's nuts. - [Charlie] But plausible.
Plausible's not grounds for an arrest warrant.
I need something hard and firm if I'm going to ride this one.
Now you're speaking my language.
[Luca] Also, Charlie, for this theory to work,
either Joyce or Irene would have needed to simulate a heart attack.
I looked at that spike.
That isn't doing jumping jacks. That's a real cardiac event.
I don't know how you fake that.
I gotta get back to you.
Heya, Pete, uh, let me ask you a question.
Do you know anything about sexual zapping?
You speak of electro play.
Kinky stuff. Not for the faint of heart.
All you need is a taser and an open mind.
Ugh.
- Hello? - [Charlie] Uh, Betty.
Uh, it's your old friend Charlie.
Oh. What do you want?
Oh, listen, I think you might have been right
about, uh, Joyce and Irene.
[Betty] I told you.
- Felons and junkies. - [Charlie] Yeah, yeah, I know.
Listen, I... I need to know what you saw at the zoo.
You mentioned something about a sexual zapping.
[Betty] Well, yes.
I was buying a hat like a normal person
when I saw Joyce and Irene looking extra suspicious.
They were in the hothouse pleasuring each other
with some kind of electro-dildo.
And the worst of it is I missed the monkey show,
which was the whole reason
that I organized the trip in the first place.
Betty, that's it. That's it. I think we got 'em.
I'm glad somebody is finally listening.
Like, I told Irene this morning, "The zoo is no place
"to practice your twisted masochistic fetishes,
"and the FBI will hear about it."
Wait, Betty, you told Irene all this?
Uh, just an hour ago.
Oh.
Hold on just a minute, Charlie.
My Instant Pot is making funny noises. Hold on.
Pressure cooker. No, no, Betty.
Betty, you got to get out of there.
Betty! Betty!
Evacuate!
[Joyce] You're so silly.
- [Irene] Oh God. - [Joyce] Oh, my God.
Ooh, I think we may be pushing our luck.
You up for a change of scenery?
Look, you think they got, uh, senior living in Bolivia?
Mmm.
Charlie.
How can we help you?
Betty told me everything,
uh, about how she saw you two
tasing each other in the hothouse.
That's how you tricked the nurses into thinking
that Ben was having a heart attack,
uh, when he'd really been dead for hours.
Pretty clever. But you missed one detail.
What might that be?
Ben's heart monitor recording went totally flat
after your tasing stunt
at 2:23.
The time of the monkey.
But the nurses tried to revive him with a defibrillator.
If he'd really been wearing his heartcuff monitor,
it would have registered those shocks.
- Hmm. - Hmm.
- Ain't that some shit. - Mm-hmm.
And all this for a motherfucker
who sent us to prison for 30 years?
You deserved it then,
and you deserve it now.
Wax up your shuffleboard pucks, ladies.
As soon as I tell my new FBI buddy about all this, well... [scoffs]
Yeah, man, you're going right back to Bedford.
So you haven't told him all of this yet?
- [Joyce screaming] Ah! - [Charlie] The fuck?
[Joyce] Bitch!
[Joyce] Fuck!
[Irene] Fucking bitch. [grunting]
Fucking millennial.
I'm a cusper, you fucking psycho.
And I draw the line at fighting little old ladies.
That's how we did it in Bedford, bitch.
What the fuck!
I'll fucking kill you, you motherfucker.
Ah!
You talced me, you fucking whore.
- Get the fucking poison! - [Joyce] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Keep her held down.
Come on, move.
Right there. Yeah.
Oh! Fuck.
- [Irene] Oh no! - [Joyce] Don't you try it.
Don't you fucking try it.
[Irene] Put it down. Put it down.
Down!
Oh! Oh!
Uh, I think we broke her.
[softly] Fuck.
Let's get this shit done.
[Joyce] Oh!
Oh shit. Yeah.
- [Charlie] Oh, thank God. - [Irene] Oh, shit.
- [Joyce] Oh, fuck. - Stop right there. Stop.
What a fuckin' cop.
All right.
Here you come again
And you say that you're my friend
But I know why you're here
She wants to know how I feel
Tell her that I'm happy
Well, Charlie Cale, you have great instincts.
You ever think about joining the FBI?
Well, I'm not really about helping the man.
Although, uh, did you guys ever get my email
about, uh, Kazimir Caine?
"You guys" meaning who?
FBI at FBI dot gov.
I don't even know if that's a thing,
but... the offer stands.
You ever get in a jam, you have my number.
[Charlie] toodles.
Tell her I wouldn't have it
Oh, God.
Hold on, Ngozi Family
We are a Zambian band with a heavy sound
Hold on, Ngozi Family
We are a Zambian band with a heavy sound
Listen, baby
I've been in the country
Since I was born a long time ago
I had a lot of letters
Requesting where we could go
Now every time
We tour in the country
Hold on, Ngozi Family
We are a Zambian band with a heavy sound
Hold on, Ngozi Family
We are a Zambian band with a heavy sound
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah