Mac: A reading from the holy
Bible.
Genesis, chapter one.
"God created the heaven and the
earth, and the earth was without
form and void, and darkness was
upon the face of the deep..."
Dennis: Hey, buddy, do we
have to be kneeling this entire
time?
Dee: Yeah, this is not
comfortable.
I mean, it's gonna get
uncomfortable.
Yes, you need to be kneeling.
It's 11:58, and Mac day's about
to officially start.
I want there to be ceremony.
Frank: Are we gonna be in the
dark the whole time?
My goodness, this is a lot of
complaining.
Charlie, can you please remind
everyone of the rules?
Charlie: We are about to
officially begin Mac day.
For the entirety of this day, we
will forced to do everything Mac
wants us to do.
And if anyone is caught
complaining?
An extra day is added to Mac
day.
If you cannot resist the urge to
complain, you are allowed one
scream a day to the ceremonial
screaming pillow.
That's right.
Charlie, when it was your day,
did I complain about searching
for goblins for ten hours
straight?
Well, ghouls, and, no, they
didn't complain, 'cause we found
three. It was pretty sweet.
We found none.
Yeah?
We found no ghouls, we found
no goblins, we found no
gremlins, because they don't
exist.
Well...
Guys, this whole thing was
meant to bring us closer
together, and by the end of it,
you're gonna feel a little bit
closer to me, and if I've done
my job right, a little bit
closer to god.
Yes.
Because I've modeled my day
after the seven days of god's
creation, making my one day feel
like an entire week.
Oh!
Come on, man. Really?
Oh, come on, will you?
For crying out loud, my knees
are...
(Overlapping chatter)
Three, two, one, begin!
On the first day, god said, "let
there be...
Mac."
Seven straight hours of
lecturing?
Yeah, and five hours alone
dedicated to the evils of
homosexuality... from him?
Did anyone else notice that
he had an erection the entire
time?
Of course.
How could you miss it?
I mean, it was, like,
shooting...
it was right there.
Shh, shh, shh... here he comes.
Okay, guys, I want to
introduce a new theme to the
day.
So I'd like to infuse the
religious angle with the theme
of badass.
And I quote once again from
Genesis.
"And god said, 'let there be a
firmament in the midst of the
waters, and let it divide the
waters from the waters.'
and god made the firmament and
divided the waters which were
under the firmament from the
waters which were above the
firmament.
And it was so."
There you have it.
There we have what?
Uh, the what...?
What are you saying?
It's water.
I'm saying "water," 'cause it
said water, like, eight times.
So, it's water.
That's what the whole thing is...
Water.
Water what?
Water and badass, badass
and water.
Ah.
Yes!
We're doing a project badass
video over the schuylkill river.
Yes! Yes!
Ah!
Yes!
Ah.
All right! Hey!
Do you guys hear the
motorcycle?
I have another special surprise.
We will be joined by my cousin
all day!
Your cousin?
Yeah, my cousin from the
country.
I haven't seen him in, like,
forever, but, guys, trust me.
He's, like, the second biggest
badass I know, so, it's gonna
be awesome.
Country Mac coming to the big
city.
(Frank groans)
Country Mac!
Country Mac: Hey, city Mac!
(Laughter)
(Both make wind-whipping sounds)
(Wind-whipping sounds continue)
Holy shit, there's two of
them.
Okay, I think I like this
framing.
I don't even know what it is
you want us to do.
Well, I'm gonna jump from the
strawberry mansion bridge.
What?!
Yes!
Holy shit!
What do you mean, from it?
To the water?
What?!
Yeah, I'm gonna jump from the
top of the bridge to the water.
Okay, I need you to act like
concerned citizens, but I need
this to feel real, okay, guys?
So, I need you to be neutral
about the jumper prior to the
jump, 'cause you don't know me.
You don't know this man.
But I need you to react at the
same time because I need to draw
the jump in later to match your
reaction.
You lost me there.
What do you mean, "draw the
jump?"
You're not jumping?
No, I'm not gonna jump.
Of course I wouldn't jump.
I draw it in later because it's
like a post effect.
Well, what's badass about
that?
Your reaction is badass, you
know?
I want you to scream, "badass!
You know, that dude is badass!
I've never seen anything as
badass as that." You know?
Oh...
But don't say my name, 'cause
you don't know this man.
That's why it feels real, you
know?
Now, later, if you want to do,
like, a Rudy-type situation
where you carry me through the
streets of Philadelphia, you
know, that's cool.
We won't.
I can put that in the
schedule.
It's not a post effect?
No, that's a practical
effect, that would happen real,
but only if it's organic, you
know?
This is a goddamn mess, this
whole thing's a goddamn mess.
I'm lost, I'm lost.
You guys lost?
You're not gonna be badass,
but you're gonna...
And we're not gonna react?
This is all sounding a little
bit like a complaint from you
guys.
Who's complaining?!
We don't know what's going on!
We don't know you.
(Chanting): Mac! Mac! Mac!
Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac!
Badass! Badass! Badass!
All: Badass! Badass!
All right, country Mac, let's
do...
Keep it going. Keep it going.
All right.
Let's do this! Let's do this!
Badass.
(Dennis screams)
It's pretty high, it's good.
It's excellent, it's gonna be
great.
You better jump quick before
somebody tries to stop you.
Trust me, no one's gonna try
and stop me.
Jump, asshole!
Yep. See, in the big city,
nobody cares whether you live or
die.
Jump, you pussy!
All right, have a nice day.
Okay, so, I'm gonna run to the
end, book as fast as I can to
the fence, climb up to the top,
stop, climb back down to safety.
That's it.
So, you're not gonna jump?
I don't jump, okay?
Why does everybody think I jump?
Nobody jumps.
Evel knievel didn't jump.
Johnny Knoxville doesn't jump.
Okay, this is big Hollywood
stuff, okay? Just stand back.
I don't want you to get hurt.
Let me handle it.
Oh, wow! Oh, there's a man
standing on the bridge.
What?!
Yes, he looks like...
Look at that.
His name is Mac.
No, we don't know his name.
We don't know it.
Oh.
His name is Rudy, I believe,
you guys.
That's what it was... Rudy.
We don't know what his
name is, and that's okay, but we
don't know each other. Hi.
How are you?
Nice to meet you.
Oh, hi, hi, but it looks like
he may commit suicide.
Ah!
Oh!
Suicide is badass.
Right!
No, no, no, no, Rudy's not
trying to kill himself.
We don't know his name.
He just likes to jump,
I guess.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
Mac is the one who's the
badass, remember that.
Badass.
No, we don't... will you
stop, stop, stop?
Everybody stop. Come on, guys.
What are we doing?
I don't know what we're
doing.
We got to get on the same
page.
It's so unclear.
He gave us, like...
Don't know what we're doing.
Maybe just you talk.
Well, whatever it is, we got
to get on the same page.
Otherwise, we're gonna have to
do it over and over and over...
(Water splashing)
Did someone just go plop?
Looked like it.
Someone just jumped.
Someone jumped.
He jumped! That's it!
He jumped, guys! He jumped!
The day's over, the day's over.
Country Mac is gone, he's dead.
Let's get out of here.
Look! Look, look, look!
What? What? Oh.
Whoa!
Oh, holy shit! Oh, my god!
Oh, wow! Wow!
Whoa!
Well, how'd that look?
Oh, amazing! All right!
How did it look?
How'd it look? Badass!
It looked badass, dude.
I cannot believe you jumped.
Whoa!
No, that's not really
badass, guys. That's dangerous.
Um, can we put him on our
shoulders and parade him around
like Rudy?
I'm feeling that now.
I want to do that.
I'm feeling that now.
Yeah, yeah...
(Overlapping chatter)
No, no, no, no, no, I don't
think that's gonna work anymore.
That's not gonna fit into our
schedule, you know? I mean...
I mean, it was your idea...
(Overlapping chatter)
No, we're very full.
We're very full now.
This is not gonna play.
We're gonna move on to day four
now.
Well, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You skipped day three.
Uh, day three is when god
created trees and grass and
nature.
You know, kind of a bullshit
day, so we're gonna move on to
day four where god created the
stars.
If you look at the Orion
constellation and then track
across to the big Dipper, you'll
see a gaseous, cloud-like area.
(Quietly): Okay, I'm gonna
need you guys to go ahead and
ignore everything that this
clown is saying.
God created the stars 5,000
years ago.
Uh, who has the pillow?
I need a pillow.
(Can clicks open)
I think I thought of a way
that we can work day three into
this experience.
No, we're on day four.
And, besides, there's no trees
or herbs in the planetarium.
But there's herb.
Hmm?
Who wants to smoke a "j"?
Oh, shit. You brought weed?
No, no, no, we're not smoking
weed, okay?
It's still illegal in the state
of Pennsylvania.
Puff, puff, pass, bitches.
Yeah.
Yeah, come on, Mac, shut up.
I thought you were a badass.
(Sighs) There's nothing
badass about breaking the law,
Charlie.
(Coughs) This is gonna make
it way more fun, dude.
This isn't about fun.
It's about fearing god, okay?
I'm trying to convert you guys.
Oh, my god, is that what this
is about?
You're not gonna convert me in
one day.
I don't believe in god.
Well, you should.
Because if you don't, god will
make a flood or a famine, okay?
He will destroy you with
tornadoes and earthquakes and
aids.
Where do you think aids came
from?
Uh, hello, god's gift to the
gays.
Oh...
Oh, my god.
You're gonna ruin this high,
dude.
Mac, I think you're a little
confused there.
I mean, yeah, sure, bad things
do happen.
But what about sunsets?
Oh...
French kisses.
Oh...
The smell of rain.
Yeah.
That's why I believe in god.
Yeah.
Not because of the things
that he takes away from us but
because of the things that he
gives to us.
Oh... dude.
Shit, dude.
You just ripped a hole in my
mind.
See, that's the god I l...
I like that.
I'm choosing that one.
Excuse me, who's talking back
there?
Shut up, science bitch.
(Charlie, Dennis, Dee laugh)
Yeah. Yeah, shut up, science
bitch!
Aw, dude, dude, dude.
Come on, man.
He just said it.
He just did it.
(Whirring)
Oh. What the hell?
(Machine bangs)
Carbs-wise, this is gonna set
me back, but I don't even give a
shit.
(Machine bangs)
Yes.
Country Mac's awesome.
Yes.
Yeah.
This weed that he gave us is
awesome.
It's...
Yes.
Yeah.
All these years I've been
feeling like I hate karate.
And, like, I hate project
badass and, like... I hate god.
Yes.
But, like... I realize...
You know what I really hate...
Is Mac.
Yes.
Like, he's made all those
cool things suck.
Not only is he, like,
rui... ning my life...
But with all this god shit that
he's into...
He could be ruining my
afterlife.
Yes.
(Mac grunts)
I thought that one was
gonna...
Let me try.
So...
Yeah, I get that.
Okay, I feel like we got a
little bit off the rails back
there, but I'm ready to get back
on.
Dude, did you guys see the
way country Mac was riding his
motorcycle?
Badass, dude!
No, it was reckless once
again.
I thought it was awesome!
He was like Batman, just
zipping through the cars.
He beat us here by, like, an
hour.
Oh, I want to get a
motorcycle, man.
Dude, we should all get
motorcycles!
Okay, that's enough! Okay?
Enough about country Mac.
It's still my day.
Yeah.
Thank you.
On the fifth day, god made fish,
so we'll just skip right past
that.
Yeah, we'll skip that.
You're skipping a lot of days,
dude.
Well, you can't fit it all
into one day.
That's preposterous.
You're the one who came up
with the structure, so... that's
preposterous.
All right, on the sixth day,
god created the beasts of the
earth and he made man in his own
image.
And beholdeth... the image of
god.
(Techno music playing)
Oh, shit.
Okay, everybody grab some
grease.
Why?
Because we're gonna grease up
these beefcakes.
No! No! Come on! No!
Easy, frank.
Frank, you better take it easy!
Listen! These guys work off
their beautiful glutes for our
enjoyment, okay?
The least we can do is pay them
back in tan and grease.
(Sighs) Greasing dudes.
Yep.
That's why we're here today.
I ain't doing this!
About time you guys got here.
Hey, there you are.
Country Mac, man. Hey, bro.
Listen, dude, can you get us out
of here?
Yeah, you got to get us out
of here, man.
Get out of here?
I'm lovin' it.
I've been gettin' phone numbers
left and right.
Oh, sweet, there's chicks
here?
Chicks? No.
Dudes.
I'm into dudes.
Oh... you're gay.
Loud and proud, brother.
Loud and proud.
Yeah, ain't nothing wrong with
that.
There's nothing wrong with
that.
Honestly, it's, like, refreshing
to hear.
You know what, happy hunting,
bro, get after it.
Cool, cool, cool.
I'll see you all in a little
bit.
Cool, yeah, yeah.
See, he doesn't want us to
grease them, you know?
God, that's awesome.
Because he wants them.
It Doe... right.
He wants them for himself.
It's so much more comfortable
when someone's gay and open
about it.
And, like, I know we've never
said this as a group, but...
Mac's gay.
Yeah, Mac's gay.
He's gay.
I mean... okay... smiles.
Hey! Hey!
What's with all the chitchat?
Legs and hammies are drying up
by the second.
We got stoned and we're
uncomfortable.
We're trying to deal with the
whole thing.
You guys need to start
greasing some dudes or I'm gonna
freak out, all right?
I'm gonna freak out, and I'm
gonna add another day!
No, no, no. We'll grease,
we'll grease, we'll grease.
We're ready to grease.
Give me the grease.
We'll grease the dudes and...
Okay, that's what I like to
hear.
But don't blow your wads on
these guys, okay?
I mean...
We still have the karate
tournament.
We're gonna watch you fight?
Fight? No.
No, day seven is god's day of
rest and judgment.
So I'm gonna sit back and watch
and judge everybody else in the
tournament.
Hey, Mac.
I'm drying up over here.
Sorry, big moe.
Sorry about that.
I'll be right there.
Get to work. Get to work.
Come on.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Yeah.
All right, bud.
He's got the boner again.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, at least this time it
makes sense, huh?
Hmm.
All right, listen.
I got an idea.
*
Ooh, I don't know about this.
This doesn't feel right.
No, this is good.
This is gonna be good for him.
I promise. This is the only way.
Oh! Hey.
I got you guys all notebooks
and pens.
We're gonna start with the
yellow belts 'cause it's an
inferior class.
Actually, we've got a
surprise for you, Mac.
Yeah. We signed you up.
You're competing.
Huh?
You're gonna go fight a guy.
A black belt actually.
You're in the tournament.
No, no, i-i don't think
that's a good idea.
Mostly because I don't have the
right gear, and I'm not...
You're wearing a gi.
You are wearing a gi.
Yeah, that is the gear.
That's the only gear.
I notice you're also wearing
a black belt.
Now, you are a black belt,
correct?
Um, not technically.
Um, only because I haven't
subscribed to one... discipline.
But you are good enough to
fight in a black belt
tournament.
'Cause you're wearing a black
belt.
Of course.
Shit, Mac, you can do it.
Just go right for the guy's
throat.
I know I can do it.
That's not the... I feel like
you're talking a lot throughout
the day.
I know I can do it.
So if you can do it, then do
it.
I'll sign up if Mac doesn't
want to.
I'm gonna do it.
I said I was... I was never not
gonna do it.
I'm excited.
Yeah.
I-I'm really excited to see
this, man.
You are gonna kick that guy's
ass, whoever he is.
*
(Mac making whizzing noises)
(Exhaling)
(Exhales)
This is cruel.
Oof.
I can't watch it, you know?
Trust me, this is for his own
good.
If he doesn't face this now, he
never will.
Yeah, it's too bad, but he's
got to get his ass kicked.
Yep. It's time for this to
end.
Hi.
Okay, now bow.
Not to me, karate kid, to him.
Oh.
Bow.
Ready. Fight!
(Audience chattering)
(Performing kiai)
(Screams)
Block, point, Mac!
Shit.
Guys, did you see that?
I got a point! I got a point!
(Grunts)
Oh!
Hell, no.
(Indistinct shouting)
Oh!
(Grunting, shouting)
(Woman screams)
(Country Mac yelling)
(Yelling)
(Laughing)
That was badass!
He kicked the shit out of
that guy!
Well, I got the actual point.
Who cares? You lost.
Country Mac won.
Yeah, but it's about the art,
okay?
Oh, the art.
You got your ass kicked...
That's what happened.
I scored an actual point in
an actual karate tournament and
against an actual black belt.
Country Mac beat the shit out
of that guy with a beer and his
t-shirt.
Yeah, and where is he always
getting those beers, man?
That's the most badass thing
about...
Out of the blue, he gets a
beer.
No, it's years of training
finally paying off, and an
uncontested black belt point is
the most badass...
Oh, my god, we're never gonna
hear the end of this.
Stop, stop!
Hold on a second, Mac.
No, no. Listen, you got your ass
kicked today... that's what
happened, plain and simple.
So I want you to admit it.
Dennis, don't.
The day's almost over.
We only have a couple of hours.
No, n-n-n-no, Dee, we have a
lifetime of this to look forward
to, and I for one can't stand
it.
You are not a badass, pal.
Admit it to us right now.
Get on your knees!
You are not a badass!
Oh, my god!
Hey, what's wrong with you,
guy?
You got a problem?
You got the problem, asshole.
Look out!
(Dee gasps)
Shit.
You bring a knife to a fight,
you better be ready to use it,
you jabroni.
Just... don't come back here,
you punks.
Aw, you made him look like a
bitch!
Holy shit.
Nice... very nice.
Oh, you are badass, dude.
How'd you know he had a knife
on him?
I gave him an ocular patdown.
Assessed the threat level.
Clocked a knife in his boot.
Huh! Holy shit.
(Charlie whoops and chuckles)
Guys, I may have had a little
bit of an accident in my pants,
so I think I got to change out
of this gi.
He just gave that guy an
ocular patdown, and it actually
worked.
It worked.
He made a lucky guess, and he
put us all in danger.
You made a poopy in your
pants!
Did anybody else do a poopoo in
their pants?
No.
Of course not.
This is our head of security!
I don't need to listen to
this, okay?
I'm gonna change out of this gi
and then we're gonna keep going
with the day, okay?
I have a series of lectures that
we're gonna get to.
Go get the poop out of your
pants.
I can't wait for the
lectures.
Goddamn, man.
The guy is in complete denial
about absolutely every aspect of
his life.
And there is nothing we can do
about it.
I say we switch him out.
Huh?
Country Mac for paddy's Mac.
We send Mac to the country,
bring country Mac here.
Yeah, to the bar.
That's not a bad idea.
I mean, look, we'd be safer with
an actual badass in the bar.
We might actually become a
little bit more badass
ourselves.
We would become more like
country Mac, which'd be great.
We have a lot to learn from
him.
We should all get motorcycles.
And drink much more beer.
And smoke more weed, you
guys.
And get in fights and do all
those things.
Can we make this happen
before he comes back out...?
Let's talk to him, let's talk
to him.
Hey, um... hey, country Mac, can
we just talk to you for one
quick second, buddy?
Um, listen, we were just talking
and, man, we sure would like for
you to stay with us.
I mean, like-like, stay with us
forever.
Will you be part of our gang?
Yep.
Uh... just "yep"?
Just, like... that's it?
You're not gonna give a speech
or lecture us or anything like
that?
No bossiness?
No pontificating?
It's not my style.
I just go with the flow.
Let the wind blow through my
hair.
Yeah.
Oh.
(Starts engine)
Oh, wow.
I love that guy.
Aw, look at him go.
Where's he even going?
I mean, the fact that we
don't know where he's going
makes him all the more badass.
Uh-oh. Whoops.
Whoopsie.
He fell, huh?
Tipped over a little bit.
Ooh.
He's probably okay, though,
right?
Well, yeah, he just... popped
over.
A little-little bump.
He's fine. He's good, he's good,
he's good, he's good.
(Bagpipes playing)
Country Mac lived a reckless
life.
He wasn't the kind of guy that
could score a point in a black
belt karate contest.
And it turns out, he was totally
queer.
Which, as we all know, is a sin.
And that, coupled with his
radical religious beliefs, has
most likely landed him in hell,
where he will burn for all
eternity.
So I will ask for a moment of
silence, in which I will beg
god's forgiveness for country
Mac's evil, homo ways, while
simultaneously doing a series of
karate moves that I know country
Mac would've enjoyed so much.
(Exhaling)
Well, guys, I think the real
lesson here is that there's
nothing badass about riding a
motorcycle without a helmet.
Right.
Plus, he was drunk all the
time.
Yeah.
You know what's badass?
Being alive.
Yeah.
So, uh, what do we do about this
guy?
(Mac exhaling)
Namaste. Namaste.
Okay, we will now pile into the
car, where we will go to the
countryside to leave country
Mac's ashes in a place that he
loved so well.
Actually, we won't.
Because it's officially frank
day, so...
(Toilet flushing)
All right, pee country Mac.
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org
(trio chanting backwards)