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[high-pitc♪ed ringing]
- Oh, no!
Ow, ow! Hot!
- That was quite \h\ha crash, son.
\h\hOh, look at that goose egg.
Where are your parents, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hsweetie?
\h\h- I don't know. - How old are you?
10, 11?
- I-I don't know.
\h\h- The crash must have rung your bell.
Well, let's start simple. \h\h\h\h\hYou got a name?
- I don't know!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hI don't know! - [Wandering woman] Shh, shh!
Hey, hey, it's okay. \h\hLet me help you.
\h\h\h\hI can help get you home safe.
[groaning]
- Wait!
\h\h\h- Fat chance, kid! Watkin storm's a comin'.
- Hey, that's my car!
[yelping]
[panting]
[thunder crackling]
♪
Who is this asshole?
- Give me those glasses. \hThe sun's bullying me.
- I can't, I'm dyin'.
Say nice things at my funeral.
\hTake the time to speak highly of my good deeds.
- Man, dudes cannot handle \h\h\h\hhangovers for shit.
\h- No hangovers in New San Francisco,
I'll tell you that.
\h\h\h\hOh, I had this sexy pork tenderloin last time.
\h\h[smacking lips] God, I can't wait.
- I can't wait for a dog.
- Nah, too gamey.
- What?! No! \hNot to eat.
- Oh.
- I always wanted a pet.
\h\h\hYou know, like a wolfdog with three legs named Patrick.
- I'm not taking \hcare of a dog.
- Nobody asked you to!
- Well, we're living \htogether. I mean...
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- What?! Are we living together?
- What?! No!
What? No! Why? No!
I mean, like living together \h\h\h\h\h\hin the same city.
- Oh.
- You call me to walk your dog \h\h\h\h\hwhen you're not home,
\h\h\h\h\h\hat your home, and I'm home at my home.
See, two separate homes.
So, that makes two homes.
- Hmm.
- Unless you want to live together.
\h\h\h- Do you? - I don't know.
Do you?
\h\h- You seem like a shitty roommate.
I mean, you can't even share \h\hyour fuckin' sunglasses.
- Yeah, I can share my shitty popcorn.
- Wow, your aim \h\his so good.
Oh, shit! \h[gasps]
Is this the infamous photo?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Hey! - Dude, what the hell happened?
You were so cute.
- Take it easy with that. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Oh!
\h\hThis is the only photo you have of your past life
and you keep it in your visor.
I think I can handle holding it for one...
Shit!
- I fuckin' told you \h\h\hto be careful.
Stupid!
Hey, I said stay back \h\h\h\h\hwith Evelyn
and watch the package.
- I can do two things.
[sighs]
\h\hHow old were you in that photo anyway?
- How does anyone keep \h\htrack of that shit?
- I mean, birthdays, \h\h\h\hmoon phases,
\hcut your dick open and count the rings.
- Can we just focus on \hfinding the picture?
We're running out \h\hof day light.
- [Quiet] Oh, found it!
Ah-ah, what do you say?
- Don't drop it again. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Hmm.
[engine starting]
- Come on, get in the car!
- No, no, no, no!
[gun firing]
[grunting]
[gun firing] \h\h\h\hUgh!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h[retching] - [Quiet] Fucking holy men!
\h\h\h\h- [John Doe] Goddamn [indistinct].
[grunting]
- I can't believe some fucking \h\h\h\h\hholy men stole our--
- What the fuck \h\hdid you do?
- John. - Fuck.
♪
- Okay, we've been walking for an hour
and you haven't said shit.
I don't know what else \h\h\h\h\hto say, John.
I fucked up.
\h\h\hIf you want to focus on being mad, then... go ahead.
I guess we'll just walk until we die.
♪
- This isn't the first time \h\h\h\h\h\hI lost Evelyn.
Vultures took her one time, \h\h\hNecros another time.
- Oh, shit!
- One time I just forgot \h\h\hwhere I parked her.
- Okay, well, that's stupid.
\h\h\h\h- Yeah, it's stupid, but every time I've lost her,
she's come back to me.
- Then let me help you \h\hfind her this time.
Please.
- Fine.
[church bell ringing]
- [Quiet] Wait, wait! \h\hWhere you going?
- I'm following the bells. \h\hThat's where Evelyn is.
- We can't just waltz into a holy man murder-palooza.
You saw what those fuckers did \h\h\hto the convoy's milkman.
\h\h\h- Evelyn is so close. We need to go get her back.
\h\h\hAnd I can't do it by myself.
\h\h\hSo, what do you say, partner?
- Okay.
Let's go get your car.
- Great. \h- What?
- We've gotta go get \h\h\hthose masks off
those holy men we killed \h\h\hso we can blend in.
- Isn't that like an hour that way?
I'm just gonna wait here.
Did you hear me?
He didn't hear me.
[church bell ringing]
- PleaUgh!please.
[stomach rumbling] \hStomach, shut up!
♪
[grunting]
[groaning]
Oh...
♪
[groaning]
♪
[gasping]
Oh.
Nasty!
Excuse me, sir.
[engine sputters]
Too bad.
TP, beans...
whoa!
Jackpot!
♪
[church bell ringing]
- Sounds like this is it.
\h\h\h\h- I don't love how moist this mask is.
\h- At least your guy didn't have a beard.
I'm gonna be pullin' face pubes \h\hout of my mouth all night.
- Ick!
- Also, we gotta work \hon your dude voice.
- Dude voice? \h\h\h- Yeah.
\h\h\h\hHoly men. You gotta fit in.
\h\h\hGo deep, let me hear it.
- Um...
I love killing and guns, I do.
- Just try not to talk. \h- Right-o, governor!
[church bell ringing]
[hootin' and hollerin']
\h\h- [Holy Man 1] I'm gonna kill you.
- Well, I'm gonna kill you. \h\h\h\h\h\h\hLet's do it.
- Cool party, huh?
- Dinner for the sinner! \h\h\h\h\h\h\h[chuckling]
- Holy shit!
How are these guys \hnot dead already?
- Stop staring. Just blend in.
- My man!
\h\h- I want that! - Too fuckin' bad!
- From one brother to another, \h\h\h\h\h\hI propose a clash.
\h\h[chuckles] - Let it begin!
[grunting]
- At least they're having a good time.
- Uh, he's not.
- Holy shit!
Maybe he deserved it.
- I didn't.
- Cool. I hate this place.
- [Goddess Janice] \hKiss my leather!
[yelping]
- [Holy Man] We worship you! \h\h\h\h- [Janice] Bend down.
[yelping]
- Okay, Evelyn has to be here.
So, just blend in with these freaks
until we find her.
- Damn, very flexible.
Oh, shit! Uh, uh...
Oh, bullocks.
- Who told you to speak?
- Agh!
- You like pain?
- I love it so much, \h\h\h\h\h\hme lady!
- Damn. - Good.
- Ow.
- The Goddess is pleased. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h[groaning]
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hCupbearer? - [Cupbearer] Yes, Goddess?
- Bring forth libations.
- Here.
It's chug-a-lug time!
- All chanting: \h\hChug-a-lug!
\h\h\h\h\h\hChug-a-lug! Chug-a-lug! Chug-a-lug!
[sighing]
[gagging]
\h- Nothing like a Jack and coke.
- So, wait, why is \h\h\h\hit crunchy?
- That'd be the coke. \h\h\h\h\h[laughing]
- It's Preacher. - It's Preacher.
- The preacher's here.
[hootin' and hollerin']
\h\h\h\h- [Holy Man] I love you, preacher.
- [Holy Man] Absolve my sins!
- I think the coke \h\his kicking in.
- I can't feel my throat.
- I'm gonna shit myself.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h[groaning] - [Preacher] Night, night.
[laughing]
Which one of you \h\hblessed fucks
\h\hhad seven days in the death pool?
Blessings on you, Krevin! \h\h\h\h\h\h\h[chuckles]
\hVictory runs in your veins.
Go on, reward him!
\h\h- Here you go. - [Preacher] Okay.
- Enjoy.
- Gods and Goddesses,
\h\h\hit is my honor to be with you again
\h\h\h\h\hhere in Colorado for our annual pilgrimage,
The Rocky Mountain \h\h\h\hFuck Fest!
[laughing, cheering]
\hNow, while we are indulging in the seven deadly delights,
let us recall \h\hour past
and celebrate our futures!
Me? I was a man of God.
Shit, I was even celibate.
[laughing]
Shut the fuck up, Krevin.
- Oh, okay.
- But when the world ended,
God was nowhere \hto be found.
\h\h\h\hAnd I thought, huh! This fucker's forsaken us.
Right? But then I realized, no!
We are the gods!
Always have been, \halways will be.
[hootin' and hollerin']
And the roads will be \hforever our domain!
[cheering]
[laughter]
- Great crowd work.
\h\h- I can hear you grinding your teeth.
- Dude, that's you!
[laughing]
- Now...
\h\hwhat gifts did you motherfuckers bring me?
\h\h\hOoh, is that a generator I see?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hOkay. Uh, gasoline, got it.
\hOkay, guns. Guns, drugs.
\h\h\hOkay, guys, you gotta get more creative than just drugs.
- Here you go, Preacher.
- Okay, that's just \hmore drugs, Jeff.
That's just more drugs.
[Evelyn approaching]
Well, now everybody \hshut the fuck up!
Hold on! Oh-ho-ho!
Holy shit!
- Hey, what are you doing? \h\h\hWhere are you going?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hJohn! - A token for you, Preacher.
- What a hot piece of ass!
Ooh-ooh-ooh.
[inhales deeply]
I should lube up \h\h\h\hwith oil
and dick your muffler.
- [Holy Men] Dick her muff! \h\h\h\h\h\hDick her muff!
Dick her muff! Dick her muff!
- Don't touch her!
- Who spoke?
[chuckling]
Your tone sounded... \h\h\h\h\h\henvious.
I like that.
You want her, don't you?
- Say no. Say no. \hSay no. Say no.
- From one brother \h\h\h\hto another,
I propose a clash.
[exasperated groan]
- Oh, yeah.
[chuckling]
- Oh, that guy \h\his fucked!
- Are you ready, son?
[chuckling]
[sniffling]
- So, what's your plan \h\h\h\h\h\hhere, stud?
- Have you seen this guy?
\h\h\hA strong wind can blow him over.
I'm gonna kick his ass so bad \h\hI'm gonna be their king.
- That's the blow talking!
[screaming]
Oh, God!
[laughing]
\hOof, Coke Jesus has a right hook!
- I heard something crack. \hI think it was my brain.
- Listen up, he's fast, so keep your distance.
You'll never get a good hit in \h\h\h\h\hif you're too close.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHonestly-- - I told you I got this.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHit me. - [Quiet] What? John?
Fine, you're on your own.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h[laughter] - [Preacher] Let's eat this guy!
\h\h- Surprise! - Ah, my eyes!
[grunting, groaning]
- [Holy Men] Ooh!
- Stay the fuck down, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hPreach!
[laughing]
- Whoo!
You ever drink your own blood?
It's intoxicating.
- What the f-- Oh!
[manic laughter]
Are you possessed?
\h\h\h\h\h- I was once. By a little demon baby.
\h\h\hFucker made me kill a whole church of people.
Here we go!
I can still hear \htheir screams.
\hI can't wait to hear yours!
[grunting, groaning]
I can't stop kicking!
- He's doing really well.
- Heh...
[electricity crackling]
- [Preacher] The Holy Ghost \h\h\h\h\hlives through me.
\h\h\hWhat should I do? Should I eat this guy?
Should I fuck this guy?
[grunting] \hDirt nap!
[whistles]
\h\h- Get on your knees, you greasy little piglet
\h\h\h\hand lick my soiled boots.
- Oh! Yes, goddess.
Please, goddess.
[whimpering]
- Now, where are the keys \h\hto that car, vermin?
I wanna take it \h\hfor a ride.
\h- Wait! Goddesses only ride shotgun.
That is our way.
- Not my way!
\h\h[groaning] - Yes, please!
[screaming]
- Oh, where are you going?
[grunting]
[manic laughter]
[grunting]
[grunting, groaning]
[grunting]
[cheers, manic laughter]
\hYes! Yes! [laughter]
Take him to the cross!
[laughter]
Oh, come on, guys!
I've got a guy here
perfectly ready for the cross.
Meanwhile, this dead fucker \h\h\h\his still up there!
\h\h\h\h[sighs] Say it with me.
- When the heart stops, \h\h\h\hthe body drops.
\h- See? It's not that hard. Okay?
Now the whole vibe \h\h\h\his ruined.
I-I guess take the new guy \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hto timeout
\h\hand-and take that fucker down.
\h- Don't let it ruin your night!
- Too late, Janice!
[groaning]
[tree limbs snapping]
- Huh?
\h\hCome out! I heard you!
- Hey!
\h\h\h\hHey, whoa! Take it easy, okay?
I-I'm just looking \h\hfor some food.
You haven't got any, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hdo you?
- Go away, butthead!
- Whoa, I'm not gonna hurt you.
- I said go away!
- Fuck!
\hUgh, what the hell did you do that for?
Got me right in \hthe veneers.
- I'm sorry, I was aiming \h\h\h\h\hfor your balls.
- Well, that would \h\hhave hurt, too.
\h\h\h\hBut that's okay. You can make it up to me.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Huh? - 'Cause it's dinnertime.
He's alone! \h\hSoo-ey!
\h\h[whooping] - Dinner time!
\hChild back on the menu, boys.
- I love veal!
- We're gonna getcha.
- Please, please, \hplease, please!
\h\h\hCome on! [engine starts]
- Hey there!
[engine revs]
- Fuck you!
\h- [Preacher] Krevin, you're a fucking dunce!
\hThis fuckin' idiot can't even get a hose
long enough to fill up \h\h\h\h\hmy new baby.
- Dented Evelyn's hood, \h\h\h\h\hyou asshole.
- [Quiet] So, you lost, huh?
- You don't know that.
\h\hThis could be a winner's cage.
- Pssh.
I got us some wheels.
Piece of shit,
\h\h\hbut it'll get us out of this nightmare carnival.
- I'm not leaving her.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- What? John, are you kidding?
You almost died!
\h\hI can't believe I have to say this,
but it's just a car, John.
\h\h- You don't get it. - [Quiet] No, I don't!
But I fought and bled.
\h\h\hI got whipped, I drank coke for you.
And your car.
And now you say I don't get it?
Fuck you!
\hWhat happened to us being partners, huh?
- I'm not leaving Evelyn.
- And I'm not dying for a fucking car.
- [Krevin] Preacher, Preacher!
Someone attacked Fenchy \h\h\h\hand took a car!
- What? Seal the camp!
- [Holy Man] Seal the camp! - [Holy Man] Seal the camp!
[indistinct commotion]
- We have to leave.
[church bell ringing] \h\h\h\h\hNow, John!
- Then go.
♪
- [YoungWe can gol right, \h\h\hanywhere you want.
Your choice.
[engine dies]
Or not.
♪
I owe you for saving me \h\h\h\h\h\hback there.
I'll fix you up, \h\h\hI promise.
Just you, me, and the road.
Sounds good?
♪
\h\h\h- Oh, thank God. I'm here, Evelyn, baby.
Let's get the hell \h\h\hout of here.
[gun cocks]
- I admire your thirst.
\h\hBut if anybody's gonna fuck this car,
it's gonna be me.
[grunting, groaning]
♪
You're not worthy \h\hof the mask.
- Good, it chafes.
[laughing]
\h\h\h\h- For I am the angel of death!
And I release you!
[gasps]
- No.
No, no, no.
Fuck. Fuck!
♪
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Hurry up! Watch the Preacher's head.
Don't lose those!
That's the last of us.
\hDrive, prick! - Yes, goddess.
♪
- Oh!
Oh, shit!
Oh, oh, my head.
No.
\h\h\h\h["My Immortal" by Evanescence playing]
♪
♪ If you have to leave ♪
\h\h\h\h\h♪ I wish that you would just leave ♪
♪ 'Cause your presence \hstill lingers here ♪
\h♪ And it won't leave me alone ♪
\h\h\h♪ These wounds won't seem to heal ♪
\h\h\h\h♪ This pain is just too real ♪
\h♪ There's just too much that time cannot erase ♪
♪ When you cried I'd wipe away \h\h\h\h\h\hall of your tears ♪
\h\h\h\h♪ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears ♪
\h\h\h♪ And I held your hand through all of these years ♪
♪ But you still have ♪
♪ All of me ♪
♪
\h♪ You used to captivate me ♪
\h\h\h\h\h♪ By your resonating light ♪
♪ Now I'm bound by the life \h\h\h\h\hyou left behind ♪
♪ Your face it holds ♪
♪ My once plans \hand dreams ♪
\h\h♪ Your voice it chased away ♪
♪ All the sanity \h\h\h\h\hin me ♪
\h\h\h♪ These wounds won't seem to heal ♪
\h\h\h\h♪ This pain is just too real ♪
\h♪ There's just too much that time cannot erase ♪
♪ When your cried I'd wipe away \h\h\h\h\h\hall of your tears ♪
♪ When you'd scream ♪
\h♪ I'd fight away all of your fears ♪
♪ You still have ♪
♪ All of me ♪
♪ Ah me ♪
♪ Ah me ah ♪
♪
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