What, you missed another episode?
You believe this guy?
What the fuck.
Asshole.
What the hell is going on?
Upgrading the crib, since it's technically mine now.
Not with my name on the deed, it's not.
My money, it is.
FIONA: Your homie Nick put you up to this?
CARL: Nick's gone.
-What'd you do? -(WOMAN SCREAMING)
NICK: Called the cops.
-You better split. -(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
Grandma!
-(LAUGHS) -Queenie?
Who is this thick gypsy woman I make drinks for?
That southern fried pork chop is the key to my survival around here.
If not for her, anarchy would rule in my house.
How about we spend the night at your place?
-How about you move in? -Seriously?
Congratulations.
You're the new house boy of Gamma Delta Rho.
Right.
Helene! Look, I just want to talk.
Helene!
♪ (THEME SONG) ♪
(CLANGING)
Tribe! Breakfast!
Good morning. Morning.
Why are we in here?
We eat in the dining room. Like civilized people.
Since when?
Since Queenie. Have a seat.
Let's get you your flaxseed oil pills. Good for the heart.
-Mmm. -Good for the hair. Your colon.
Daddy.
Prostate, and your baby.
Quinoa pancakes and yucca fries.
The hell is a quinoa?
Yucca fries sound yucca.
Yeah, I'm just gonna go to Micky D's.
I'm gonna go study at my boyfriend's.
Carl, can you give me a ride to the baby store?
Come back now!
Look, your father went to great lengths to prepare this breakfast for you.
With love.
So, you're gonna sit your little asses down and enjoy it.
Need to have a little more respect for this man, right here.
Yeah, you hear that?
(SINGING HELP ME)
-Join us. -I don't know the words.
-I don't wanna know the words. -Fake it.
-(LAUGHS) -(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(BOTH SCATTING)
(CONTINUES SINGING)
-The fuck? -And you are?
Lamar. Is Carl here?
He's enjoying breakfast with his family. Come back some other time.
I got it, Frank.
(VOCALIZING)
LAMAR: Haven't checked in lately, white boy.
Where the fuck you been at?
Been here and there.
G-dogg got a shipment coming through tomorrow.
Needs you to run it.
-Think I'ma sit this one out. -"Sit this one out"?
-(SCOFFS) You a comedian? -No.
You think you can just tag in and out like a little girl playing Chinese jump rope?
You're in this game for life, motherfucker.
So get your ass to the spot tomorrow morning.
-(SEAN SHIVERS) -(DOOR CLOSES)
Hey.
Holy crap, it's so cold out there.
Well, I am cooking up a feast that'll warm you guys up.
Hey, Will. How was your flight?
You got your shoes off? Say hi to Fiona.
You're wearing Dad's sweatshirt.
(SEAN SIGHS)
Yeah, he's getting bullied at school.
Wants to go to a private one I can't afford...
(SIGHS)
And he's also not that psyched that you're here.
Since when? He's never had a problem with me before.
Since you moved in. I just told him on the drive over.
I could go home for a while.
Yeah. Good idea, go home. No, wait, you already are home.
I don't want him to have a miserable visit.
That's on him.
Okay, you go to work and I'll try to get him out of your bedroom.
How?
I'm used to my siblings hating on me lately.
I think I can handle a ten-year-old.
Plus, Frank and Monica were always switching out partners.
So, I know what he's going through.
I kinda love you right now.
You better.
(MOANING)
Your queen doth love what you do with your scepter, King Frank.
(LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS) Oh, God.
Your king is about to
blow his load into your moat, my queen.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
One thing before you do, my regal stallion?
Pray tell, my love. Huh?
Not too much. Whoa, whoa. (LAUGHS) Okay.
We're almost out of shillings.
What? Oh, you're telling me that now?
I'm gonna have to go back to the commune and get more organic produce and sell it--
I'll get money. I'll get money, okay?
-Okay, I'll get some money. -Okay.
Get money.
Then proceed with your manly duties, my lord. Yes.
Oh, fuck me.
(LOUD MOANING)
FRANK: I am coming my brains out!
-(LAUGHING) -(MOANING)
(BOTH LAUGH)
-(EXHALES) -Oh, my God.
-Oh, God. -You...
QUEENIE: Come in.
(QUEENIE SIGHS)
Frank, I need to talk to you.
QUEENIE: Oh.
I will leave the king and the prince to do their business.
Smells gross in here.
That, my son, is the beautiful stench
of animal lust and earth.
I'm glad you came by.
I need an advance on my daily allowance.
I don't have any money. Stopped doing my rounds.
Well, start doing them again. Who else is gonna be the breadwinner?
That's why I came here to talk to you. Need to get out of the game.
Gallaghers don't quit.
Nick got sent to the tank.
Well, every business comes with risk.
That's what you get the big bucks for.
I like the money. The respect.
The honeys.
But I don't like never seeing my friend again.
I'm gonna give it to you straight, son. Sit down.
Ew!
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
It's not your choice if you stay in the game or not.
It's your birthright.
Lamar says G-dogg has a shipment coming in tomorrow that I have to deliver.
Lamar's a smart man.
He sees something special in you, like I do.
I don't wanna do it.
Tell you what I'm gonna do. Where's your book?
You take the day off.
Get your head on straight for tomorrow.
I'll do your rounds today. Yeah?
Phew. That gash is something. That's gonna need stitches.
(SIGHS)
(MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING)
-Hey. -You left the party early.
Yeah, what time...
An hour ago?
Yeah, well, I thought I'd bring the party to you.
-Yeah? -I hope you don't mind.
No. Not at all. Here.
(GRUNTS)
-Our Maui Wowie night is epic, huh? -Yep.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, yeah. Just, just, you know, give me, give me a second, yeah?
Are you not into me? This why you've been avoiding me?
No, no, you know, I am, I am into you.
You know, you're hot. Um...
You know, I think it's just, it's early,
(CLEARS THROAT) you know, and I'm tired, and I'm pretty stressed.
I just got a lot going on in my mind.
I gotta make breakfast for the house.
Look, can we, uh, you know, take a rain check?
-Yeah. -Yeah?
"M-C-I". Multiple casualty incident.
"D-CAP-B-T-L-S",
an acronym used to remember soft tissue injuries
to look for during a traumatic injury assessment.
D, deformities. C, contusions. A, abrasions. P, punctures.
B, bruises. T, tenderness.
L, lacerations. S, swelling.
"D-CAP-B..." What are you smiling at?
I like having you over here.
What are you smiling at?
I like having a purpose.
Studying to be an EMT. Feels like I'm back to my old self.
-Meaning? -Skeletons. Closet.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Hey, Will? I was looking online.
They're letting people test ride those Segway things without the handlebars.
Hover boards.
Right, that's what it said.
You wanna go to the store, try them out?
WILL: Get what you're doing.
Trying to play nicey nice and be my new mommy.
Hey, I have no interest in being your mommy.
You have a great one.
Just looking for something to do today.
Have fun.
Well, I'd rather go hang out with you. Get to know you better.
Not interested.
Fine, then we can just go ride the Segway things
while we glare at each other and not talk.
Okay.
Do you take walk-ins?
-So, you gonna tell me what happened? -No.
-Why not? -You'll tell Fiona.
What's wrong with me telling her?
She freaks out about everything.
What if I promise not to say anything to her?
Why do you wanna know anyway?
Because you've been running your ass around here
like a black Scarface and I care about you, okay?
Just got hit, that's all.
-By whom? -Guy I know.
Any particular reason?
'Cause I don't wanna work with him anymore.
And he clocked you for that?
Mmm-hmm.
Get out of that shit you're involved in, you hear me? Now.
I got it handled.
(LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(BEEPS)
-Hello. -Hi.
Registering for a baby shower?
Hopefully someone will throw me one.
(CHUCKLES)
-Could I ask you a question? -Sure.
Just trying to decide between these two swings for my sister.
-She's about to have a baby. -Okay.
I've got it narrowed down to the Mommaroo
-and the Snugamonkey. -(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Any thoughts on which one I should get?
(CHUCKLES) Um...
Well, this one has five swing settings and...
This one plays 16 different songs.
I wish they made an adult version of these.
Oh, I know, right?
It'd be nice to sit in a swing all day.
Or be wrapped up in a swaddle.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I know.
I'd go for this one. Seems like it'll last longer.
Mommaroo it is. Thanks for your help.
You're welcome.
(CHUCKLES)
(MOANING ON VIDEO)
Fuck, come on!
(WOMAN MOANING)
Damn it.
(MOANING CONTINUES)
Okay.
All right.
Fuck.
Oh, fuck. Okay.
(EXHALES)
There we go.
-Oh, hey. -Hi.
We keep running into each other. Must be kismet.
Yeah.
Hey, thanks a lot for your help.
I'll let you know how the Mommaroo works out.
Cool. Wait, how're you gonna do that?
Right. Yeah, I don't have your number.
I don't even know your name.
-Debbie. -I'm Larry.
-Hi. -Here.
Put your info in my phone,
and I'll text you after my sister opens her present.
Cool.
What you got going for the rest of the day?
Uh, just going back to school. Here you go.
-You got time for lunch? -What?
Well, there's a place across the street, and I can thank you properly.
Okay, sure.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(BELL DINGS)
-Good afternoon, young man. -Can I help you?
I have inherited my son's security business.
-What? -For a modest price,
he has kept you safe from any misdoings in the neighborhood.
And now, I'm filling in while he's on sabbatical.
Are you kidding me?
I jest you not, sir.
You come in here with your hair all knotted up,
and I'm just gonna hand you money.
That was the plan.
The only reason I paid that shithead son of yours
was because of the man he had with him outside.
What man?
The big, scary, black man.
Your feces of a son threatened that he'd come in.
Cause me harm.
So, I forked over the money.
Screw protection against the neighborhood.
I need protection against the scary black man.
Thank you. I'll be back.
(DOOR OPENS)
(WHIRRING)
Your son's pretty good at this.
Oh, he's not...
Yeah, he's good. Hey, buddy, you did great!
-This thing is so cool, man. -Right?
I was just telling your mom you're a pretty quick learner.
Oh, his words. Not mine.
You want to give it a try?
I... No, I don't think I can do it.
Come on, yes, you can. It's easy.
Okay.
MAN: Yeah.
One foot at a time.
Okay. Whoa! Will!
There you go. You're gonna hear a click.
That's just the wheels activating.
(LAUGHS)
-There you go. There you go. -Oh, my God. Okay.
Whoa. This is so freaky.
Now, think about going in a circle.
(WHIMPERS)
Whoa.
That's crazy! How did that happen?
Reads your brain.
No, it does not.
He's right.
Wow. That is so cool.
WILL: Told you.
Whoa!
Space age!
Oh, hey! My baby girls!
What are you guys doing here? I thought you were
-going to the park. -Wanted to tell you something.
That you love me?
That, and Carl came by this morning.
He had a big gash over his eye that he wanted me to sew up.
-What happened? -His gang shit.
That stupid dumbass.
He seemed scared, Kev. Made me swear that I wouldn't tell Fiona.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's why you're here.
Well, we have to do something.
No, you want me to do something.
I promised I wouldn't say anything.
You know I can't keep secrets.
Exactly. So, you'll tell Fiona.
-God damn it, V. -Love you, Kev!
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
I need a scary-looking black man.
The fuck did you just say, cracker?
LARRY: The eggplant parm is fantastic.
I've never had eggplant parmesan before.
Then it's settled. Two eggplant parmesans.
So, tell me about yourself.
Um, I just need to get something out of the way first.
Oh, no. You have a boyfriend.
No! No, not at all.
I mean, no.
-Okay, good. -Um...
You know I'm pregnant, right?
Seven months.
What? You are? I...
-I just thought that was a beer belly. -(CHUCKLES)
-You're messing with me? -I am.
-So, you're fine with it? -Of course.
Now will you please just tell me about yourself?
Well, what do you wanna know?
Anything. What's your family like?
Big. Crazy.
Whose family isn't? There's five of us kids.
-We have six. -Wow.
Well, six and a half if you count Chuckie.
-Oh, where do you fall in the lineup? -Middle.
Me, too.
Middle child syndrome, huh?
Yeah. I feel invisible sometimes.
Yeah, like you could just
not show up one day and no one would notice.
Exactly.
(CHUCKLES)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
I get why you're pissed off I moved in.
When I was a kid,
my parents used to like to play partner roulette a lot.
Together. Apart. Together.
And when they'd break up,
one of them would bring home a new mommy or daddy.
For a few weeks.
This one guy was such an asshole,
that my brother Lip and I planted weed on him,
and then we called the cops. We got him busted.
Oh, yeah? Go ahead, kid. Try it.
(CHUCKLES) Get me arrested.
Next thing you know,
you'll be crying because you miss me so much.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
IAN: Thanks for the ride.
Bet you're the hottest EMT student in there.
There's this Turkish guy with a lot of body hair.
Oh, I stand corrected.
-I'll get his number for you. -Thanks.
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?
Whatcha got in mind?
Going to lunch and a movie with some friends. Wanna join?
That sounds normal.
That a bad thing?
No, not at all. I mean, I'm enjoying the normal lately.
-Skeletons? -No. No, just new.
Hope you like my friends.
A couple of them can be real mean queens.
I'm pretty sure I can handle it.
One's my ex. You cool with that?
Looking forward to making him jealous.
Hey. I'll text you with the time and place.
It's disgusting.
-The fuck you say? -CALEB: Wait, Ian!
-Huh? -Hey, Ian. Leave it.
IAN: Huh?
It's not worth it.
Yeah.
I understand. I understand.
But what are you gonna do when that...
(INAUDIBLE)
Oh, now you'll pay.
You got intelligence.
Don't feel badly about yourself. See you next week.
Nice doing business with you, Mr. Malouf.
Easy-peasy. There you go, Gareth.
All right. Next, we hit up the tanning salon.
Boy, at this rate we're gonna be out of here by...
What's up, buddy? Come on, next we go to salon de tan.
Fool, I'm the muscle in this equation. You wouldn't be pulling bank without me.
All right. Fine. Here.
Oh, come on!
(SIGHS)
-And the fee for being a racist jack-hole. -Oh, God damn it. What...
That's more like it.
Now we can go to the tanning salon.
Okay. We're not staying. Just be a minute.
Oh, thank God you're here.
-This is Will. Sean's son. -How you doing, Will?
Rum and coke.
How about just a coke?
What's going on?
(GRUNTS) V threw me under the bus.
-What? -Carl told her a secret.
And then she told me the secret knowing that I can't keep any secrets.
So, now I'm gonna tell you the secret.
Okay...
Carl got clocked in the head by a gangbanger.
There was a lotta blood. Something about drugs and money.
-What? -He's fine, he's fine. V sewed him up.
There. (SIGHS LOUDLY)
God, it feels good to get that shit off my chest.
Does anybody else wanna confide in me?
Okay. Thank you, Kev. Let's go, Will.
That lady has puke in her hair.
Yeah. Come on.
What are you doing?
Upping our defenses. I bought some land mines.
Did your collections today. Made a bunch of money. Want your cut?
I'm good.
Oh, wish I had gotten into this business long ago.
About tomorrow.
I'm coming with you.
We'll get up bright and early,
do the pickup together, make the delivery,
take our earnings and go celebrate a long hard day.
(LAUGHS)
I'm not doing it.
Whoa, whoa. Course you are.
No, I'm not. I'm going straight.
I couldn't be more disappointed in you, son.
Thanks for nothing!
Thanks.
Hey, um, can I ask you an embarrassing question?
Since you put it like that.
Um...
You ever use, um...
-Viagra? -Why, 'cause I'm old?
No, no. Just, maybe everything doesn't always work?
I've leaned on a pill once or twice.
All right, do you, um...
You think I could borrow one, or...
"Borrow"? You're gonna give it back?
Well, you know what I mean.
Don't have any on me.
What do you need it for anyway? You're like 20 years old.
Well, tell my dick that.
Pull it out and I will.
No, it's just, um...
I don't know, Helene, she's just got my head all messed up.
It's not your lady professor.
-What do you mean? -It's that.
What, the booze?
Never heard of whiskey dick?
I heard of it. I just, I don't know, I never thought it was a real thing.
It's a real thing, all right.
Oh, so, you've had it?
Have you seen how much I pour down my gullet?
Why don't you just stop?
Soon as somebody younger than Madeleine Albright
throws their vag at me, I will.
Well, so that's all I gotta do?
I just, you know, lay off of this stuff for a couple of days
and my dick's gonna work?
"Couple of days"?
When was the last time you stopped for a couple of hours?
Try it. Take the rest of the day off.
Hydrate. Get a good night's sleep.
Guaranteed, by morning, you'll be as good as new.
I could kiss you.
Yeah. Now that might get my dick hard.
Carl!
You guys have a slide?
Uh, yeah. Play. I'll be back in a minute. Carl!
Hey.
I don't want any shit. It's my house. I can do what I want.
Wasn't planning on giving you shit.
Curious what you're doing, though.
-Escape route. -Because?
Never know when you might need it.
You want help?
-Stitches? -Yep.
-Anything you wanna tell me? -Nope.
Promise I won't freak out.
(SIGHS)
Nick's in jail.
I wondered what happened to him.
Killed a guy.
Oh. Wow.
Got all twisted up,
about respect.
Couldn't let it go.
Are you okay?
Just can't stop seeing that dead body in my head.
You were there when he killed the guy?
After.
Figure I'll start seeing more people get dropped if I stay in the game.
(SIGHS)
I don't wanna see that.
Is it okay if I say I'm proud of you?
(SIGHS)
(EXHALES)
-You're pretty. (CHUCKLES) -Shut up.
You shut up.
I am big and fat and pregnant.
That is what makes you beautiful.
-Really? -Yeah.
Come on. Look at you.
Look at this.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
LARRY: Mmm.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Um, I have school.
You want to go to dinner? I could make reservations.
Well, I've never been anywhere that takes reservations before.
Well, I'm glad I could be your first.
-It's been 20 minutes. -Yeah.
Still like a marshmallow. My hand is cramping.
Yeah, sorry, you know, I thought that laying off the booze and
-hydrating would work. -What?
Nothing. Nothing. Just, uh, give it another minute?
Okay.
Thanks. Okay.
Okay.
-Oh. -All right. We're in business.
-All right. -Okay.
Gentlemen, G-dogg around? Or my pal, Lamar?
Who the fuck asking?
Frank. I got his cut of the neighborhood protection fund.
Chill out.
(WINDOW ROLLS DOWN)
Hey, some old motherfucker wanna holler at you.
Just another day at the office, eh?
-Lamar said he'll see you. -Okay.
Whoa, slow down, grandpa.
(SCOFFS)
There's nothing to worry about. I don't believe in guns.
Yeah, me neither.
Oh, boy.
(CHUCKLES)
I know you?
Frank Gallagher. You came by my house yesterday morning.
You were singing that gay song.
(CHUCKLES) Indeed, I was.
What's this from?
My son Carl's rounds.
Why you giving it to me, not him?
He had a medical emergency.
He's gonna have a medical emergency if he don't get his ass down here soon.
I'd like to offer my delivery services for a package
you and G-dogg want Carl to handle this afternoon.
How do we know you'll deliver?
I give you my word.
Or, you give me your left nut.
(CHUCKLES) What?
Shipment don't go through,
I'll carve out your left nut and feed it to my dogs.
Carl ain't off the hook, though.
Need you in Indiana by tonight.
I don't care that he looks like he has Down's Syndrome,
I would not kick Channing Tatum out of bed for eating crackers.
(CHUCKLES) You wouldn't kick him out of bed
for eating brownies, roasted chicken, and Fritos--
Leave my man-baby alone.
You haven't told me which one's your ex.
-Guess. -Old guy, pink sweater?
-How'd you know? -"Hmm, a redhead, Caleb?
"Does his carpet match his drapes?"
You're a good sport.
What the fuck?
Jesus.
(SNIFFLES)
-(TATTOO MACHINE BUZZING) -Hey.
-CHUCKIE: Uncle Lip! -What's going on, Chuckie?
Lady I don't know.
-CHUCKIE: This is my grandma, Queenie. -Hi.
Oh, my God.
As I live and breathe,
-Frank Gallagher, 35 years ago. -Excuse me?
You are the spitting image of your father when he knocked me up.
The fuck I am, Grandma Queenie.
Well, you could be twins. You hungry?
Let me make you something to eat.
I can't even fit in my clothes anymore.
-Hey, Debs. -Lip!
Look at you!
You are a beautiful, sensual woman. You let it all hang out.
You're really showing, huh?
(CHUCKLES) Still against it?
It's a little late for that now, no?
(GROANS) Screw it. I'm going to Lamaze like this. Unzipped. Bye.
Hey, wait, Debs, you going to Lamaze alone?
Yep. I am an independent woman.
We hear your roar, girl!
Here you go,
Frank Junior.
Thanks.
CARL: Sean, we don't have to be doing this.
SEAN: Your sister's worried about you. Let's see if we can fix this.
-Doubt it. -That him?
Yep.
That's the guy you've been working for?
Uh...
I thought you told Fiona it was a few kids on the corner.
Oh, shit.
Hey, what up?
-Yo, you playing Houdini on me? -No.
Hey, you weren't at the spot this morning.
Lamar said some old dude showed up instead.
You good, Carl?
Who's this, your daddy?
-Friend. -I'm done.
Oh, so, we about to stomp both of you all out, huh?
Come on, he worked for you a little while, and now he wants to retire.
-Let's just leave it at that. -(SCOFFS) Retire?
I guess you want to cash out your 401K plan, too, huh?
Can't be roaming wild, spilling trade secrets.
He didn't spill when he was doing time.
Could have pointed a finger, reduced his sentence?
How do I know you won't go work for the competition?
Because he's gonna be working for me 40 hours a week
-as a dishwasher in my diner. -I will?
Won't be much time for competition, let alone anything else.
What kind of message would I be sending if everyone finds out I let him walk?
That you're a reasonable man.
(LAUGHTER)
Funny guy!
Sharp dresser, too.
Yeah, I like this coat.
Secondhand stores.
Yeah, you a 42 regular?
About that.
What do you think, fellas?
You think that coat would look nice on me?
Yeah. Hold that.
All right, all right.
Hell, yeah.
Not bad.
All right, we good now?
Come on, baby, you know I can't have a coat without shoes.
You know I am tired of these old kicks, anyway.
Ah.
What do we have here?
FRANK: Where's Big G? He in the back?
GARETH: Come in.
Cracker, what are you doing here?
Not doing any more runs with you.
-You got a car? -What?
Need a ride to Indiana to deliver a package.
Oh, hell, no.
Well, maybe you want a taste of Snow White before we drop her off.
Shut that door behind you.
Oh, yeah.
Debbie?
Larry? How'd you know I was here?
I didn't. I'm here with Scarlet.
Hi.
Hi! Is she your sister?
(LAUGHS) You are funny.
Well, who is she?
-Someone that I see. -What?
Hey, there is plenty of Larry to go around.
Both of us are pregnant.
Oh, I thought you understood. I am a maiesiophile.
-Huh? -I'm into pregnant girls.
Well, how many others are there?
I like women that are showing.
But I try to limit it to just one for each month of the pregnancy.
You are my only seven-monther.
Oh, my God!
-Are you upset? -Of course I'm upset.
I'm sorry. I don't want you to be. I really like you.
(SCOFFS) Well, what happens after I give birth?
We could still be friends.
-I thought we had a connection. -We do.
I don't mind sharing, sweetie.
I'm leaving.
Oh, Debbie, don't be like this.
Be like what?
Mad because I fell for a maieso-whatever you are?
-Hey, I was honest with you. -When?
You asked me if it was okay that you were pregnant.
So, that means I should know that you have some weirdo pregnancy fetish?
You're fucked up, Larry. So are you, Scarlet.
CARL: I told Fiona you shouldn't come.
But thanks again.
Yeah.
"Dishwasher"?
Yeah. Beats getting jumped, though.
-Here's to afternoon drinking. -Yes.
If we'd known you were bringing a middle school student, Caleb,
we wouldn't have come to a place that cards.
Oh, no, it's cool. I don't drink.
I hear it makes your skin old and leathery.
-(LAUGHS) He got you. -That's how we're playing this?
Hey, you threw down first.
-Where you from, kid? -Back of the yards.
A local boy. What's your story?
"Story"?
Who you are, what you do.
How did you meet this chocolate bundt cake?
Met him at the firehouse.
Looks too young to be "first in, last out."
He's not a fighter.
Well, I'm studying to be an EMT.
I got 20 more hours in the classroom,
30 practical, then I can take the exam.
Wow. So, not a deadbeat looking for a green card, like the last one.
-All right, all right. -Never heard about him.
What was his name again? Was it Rahul?
-No. -Phillip?
Yeah, okay. Let's just drop it, all right?
Hey, wasn't it Jose?
How 'bout we change the subject?
My chocolate bundt cake, I'm hurt, you told me I was your first.
GREGORY: Not a chance.
(ALL LAUGHING)
We like this one, Caleb. Don't we, Gregory?
I mean, if young, beautiful and kind of a smartass
is something to like, sure, fine, I guess we do.
-Yay. -(LAUGHTER)
(BOTH PANTING)
Oh, my God, what happened? Where are your clothes?
I'm out.
Okay, good. Go take a hot shower. I'm making dinner.
Long story.
Okay.
-Where's Will? -He's in your room.
Okay.
(SHIVERS)
-I kinda love you right now. -Yeah, you better.
I've had a lot of opportunities over the years,
but when the situation presented itself to move this quality product,
I thought, "Time to put my skills to work."
Cracker, will you shut the fuck up and finish cutting that shit?
-Please, take the maiden voyage. -Yeah.
Well...
(EXHALES)
Yeah.
It's not bad. Let's cut up some more.
I'd love to, but Indiana awaits.
Plenty of time.
-No, I-- -Give me that shit.
No, no. I... Wait,
I really need to, sort of, keep the product intact.
I'm very attached to my testicles. I...
Nobody's gonna notice if a little more goes missing.
Especially after we replace it
with some baby laxative.
I take it you've done this before.
Got my day's receipts. Well, well, well, what's going on here?
Compliments of Mr. Cracker, here.
Yeah, no, I don't think that's a good...
-(SNIFFS) -(CHUCKLES) Holy crap!
You people do it up big.
Yeah, that "you people" is gonna cost you.
Will!
-What the fuck! Where'd you get that? -(WILL BREATHES HEAVILY)
What's going on?
Just stay there.
I'm gonna come and take that from you. Just...
Here, let me take that.
-Oh, Jesus. -(WILL SOBS)
Where the hell did you get this, Will?
Uh... I think it could be one of mine.
Okay.
-Hey. -Hey.
How's Debs doing?
Mmm. I gave her some tonic to relax her.
Did some Reiki to strengthen her uterus and...
It's really unbelievable how many sexual deviants are out there.
But she's sleeping now.
Do you mind if I sit here with you?
Yeah, no, sure, of course. Sorry.
-Great. -Here you go.
-Thanks.
-(EXHALES) -So, Reiki, huh?
Yeah, so you're into all that hippie dippie healing shit?
(CHUCKLES)
I do what works.
I'm a physics major.
You know, so it's a little hard for me to buy into all that holistic crap.
-You know, herbs, homeopathic drops. -Mmm.
What about reflexology?
Like, um, pressure points.
-You into that? -You mean a foot rub?
Yeah. Sure, that feels good.
Okay.
So...
What is up with Mr. Lip?
Why you home from college?
Just back for the night.
Did you just go through a break-up recently?
-Huh? -Yeah, there's a lot of tension
in this pressure point, right here.
-So, you can tell that from my foot? -Sure can.
No way.
Who was she?
It was... A professor.
What was so special about her?
Um...
Well, I liked the way she looked at me.
You know, she was experienced.
And, uh, married.
Ow. Fuck.
-Oh, sorry. -Yeah.
This point is your heart chakra.
It's really knotted up.
It's probably because she was so fucking selfish,
and I was like her little dog.
Everything was on her terms.
Then she, uh...
She tossed me aside when shit hit the fan.
You know, wasn't even my fault.
I mean, I would've never done anything to hurt her.
I put up with so much of her crap.
And at the end, she wouldn't talk to me.
You know, she wouldn't even look at me.
Fuck you, bitch! Ow! Fuck.
-That's it, just let it out. -Ow!
-God, shit. -It's okay. Let it go.
-(BREATHING HEAVILY) -Shh...
(GROANS)
-Okay. -(EXHALES)
Feeling better?
Yeah.
Yeah, what'd you...
What'd you do? Put some hippie spell on me? (CHUCKLES)
Reflexology, baby. Helped to release your anger.
Yeah, okay.
You're still skeptical, huh?
There's more tension on this other point.
Ow! Fuck, yeah, yeah, that one, that one really hurts.
Mmm. Shit.
What's that pressure point for?
It's your sex organ. You having problems in the bedroom?
-Yeah, maybe. -Yeah? Here.
Ow!
That do anything?
(GROANS)
Whoa! Yeah, what are you doing?
Just working on some blockages. Gimme a sec.
(LIP MOANING)
I think you should... You should stop. Like, now.
(QUEENIE MOANS)
It's okay. Be a good boy.
(MOANING)
-Come for Grandma. Come on. -What?
(GRUNTS)
Oh, God!
Fuck.
It's okay.
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
There we go. Good as new. All systems go.
Grandma Queenie to the rescue. Bam! (LAUGHS)
What the fuck?
-A gun? -I'm so sorry.
I only let him out of my sight for a minute.
Which was obviously enough time for him to find a gun in your house!
I swear that I didn't know that Carl had that!
He was in prison, in a gang.
It didn't dawn on you that he might have guns in the house?
-I'm just as upset as you are. -No! You are not nearly as upset as I am.
You let my son find a gun in your house.
I didn't know!
-What am I supposed to do? Pat him down? -Yeah!
If he's anywhere in the vicinity of your fucked up, criminal brother, yeah!
Stop screaming at me!
How many times do I have to say, I'm sorry.
When Nicole finds out about this she's gonna take away my custody.
My visitation rights.
I will explain to her what happened.
-It is not your fault. -Of course it's my fault!
I'm his father and I left him with you.
(SNIFFS)
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh.
Shit is tight, Frank the Cracker!
Thank you, Vince!
God damn, I keep doing the baby laxative instead of the coke.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(MAN YELLING)
Oh!
We need to hit the road, Frank!
You called me Frank, not Cracker.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
One more.
(SNIFFS)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(ALL CHEERING)
There's one in the fish tank.
Middle couch cushion.
Last one's in the fridge. Bottom drawer.
Must have been the one that Will took.
Your friends were nice.
You held your own.
Gregory, huh?
Went through a daddy phase a few years ago.
Me, too.
Is that one of the skeletons you wanted to tell me about?
I don't remember wanting to tell you.
Hey, I have skeletons of my own, too, you know.
Oh, yeah? Like what?
Hell, no. You first.
How about we say it at the same time? Count of three.
You're not bluffing, are you?
Have to find out.
-You ready? -Yeah.
One, two, three.
-I'm bipolar-- -I'm HIV positive.
-Oh. -Oh.
That why you didn't want to have sex without a condom?
You don't always use a condom?
What's your status?
Negative. I think.
-You haven't been tested? -No.
You gotta get tested.
Okay.
Even though I'm positive,
they haven't been able to detect the viral load.
That's good, right?
I'm on meds.
They say I can't... I can't give it to anyone.
Gregory?
Nah. Wasn't very sexual.
Green card dude?
Guy in college. He lied to me.
You mad I didn't tell you sooner?
No, it's fine.
You mad that I didn't tell you I was bipolar?
No.
What's it like?
I have it under control.
I haven't felt this happy in a long time.
Is there any reason for that?
(SIGHS) I can't think of any.
Shall I give you a hint?
Starting to jog my memory.
We still have to be protected.
I thought you said you couldn't infect me.
I don't want to take any chances.
Jesus! Gonna be a long night?
Oh, yeah.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
-Thanks for taking me to Indiana. -Yep.
We should do this more often.
-Get the fuck out of my car, Cracker. -(CHUCKLES)
Hey, old man!
Why is my guy in Indiana shitting his pants uncontrollably?
Huh?
-Oh, shit! -LAMAR: Get your ass over here!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(MOANING)
-Who hasn't had a turn yet? -Me.
Come on, let's do this. et? -Me.