And now Dreamworks' The Penguins Of Madagascar.
[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
Hit it. ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music continues]
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[opera music]
Hmm.
No signs of forced entry, Skipper.
Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Those demented mole men are clever.
Rico, taste report.
[slurps] Nope.
[slurps] Nuh-uh.
I just know they're using our tunnels.
Kowalski, dust for tiny little fingerprints.
[hums]
No sign of mole men or women.
Ah-ah-ah...
- Fire in the hole! - [weakly] Ah-choo...
- False alarm. - Phew.
- [retches] - [boom]
- [all groan] - [coughs]
- Gesundheit. - Kowalski, damage report.
- Beak... nearly... fractured. - [breaks]
[earth shakes] And there's that.
- [ground rumbling] - [cracking]
Maurice, shush your belly.
How are you always so hungry?
- Uh, that wasn't me. - Was it me?
No, I think it was an earthquake.
[rumbling]
That's not good.
[ground rumbling and cracking]
The earth spirits must be cranky.
We should make for them an offering.
But of what?
Say, Mort, how'd you like to go visit the earth spirits?
- Okay. Whee! - [grunts]
How about a banana instead?
But I like bananas.
The explosion occurred here.
If the crack spreads to this junction here,
then everything above ground will be--
well, not-so-above ground.
Oh, dear, can you do something?
I'm a scientist, not a structural engineer.
Gentlemen, looks to me like we're gonna need...
[buzz]
You know what? I'll tell you when we get there.
Beavers: Nature's unlicensed contractors.
Knock knock, anybody home?
- Guys, we have guests. - Hey, penguins.
- What brings you to our lodge? - Yeah, what's shaking?
- [earth rumbles] - Well, that.
- We need your help. - A subterranean mishap
requires your structural proficiency.
Whoa, that's a lot of big words.
- [whispers] You understand them? - Most.
- You guys are in luck. - Our building skills are sick.
Sounds like the kind of job we can sink our teeth into.
- Huh? Huh? - Beaver humor, boys.
Get used to it.
Right this way.
- Guys, guys, guys! - Stop!
Badgers! [screams]
Hi, Becky. Hi, Stacy.
Whatever you girls want, the answer is no.
- We're busy. - You didn't tell us
- you knew the beavers. - They are so boyfriend-able.
One time, Stacy was gonna say, "Hey, what's up?"
- but then she didn't. - Because I had this weird spot
on my nose, which was really just grape jelly,
- but then Becky-- - Well, I totally tried to say,
"Hey, how's it going?" but I couldn't
because I had a weird spot too. Yeah, peanut butter.
- Duh, right? Lunch that day. - [groans]
Let me skip to the end of your delightful story.
No, you can't meet the beavers now.
Those semi-aquatic rodents have an important job to do.
- A zoo-saving job. - Please, please, please!
- Rico. - [metal bang]
But we just want-- [both yelp]
Listen up, men. Those girls are not to be
anywhere near those beavers until the job is done.
I want a guard on that tunnel 24/7.
- Starting with you. - [gasp]
Who-goes-there-why?! [chuckles] Silly me.
- [cricket chirps] - Badgers!
- [cricket chirps] - Sorry, just on the lookout
- in case there's-- - Badger attack!
- [faints] - Told you it would work.
- [weak groan] - Thanks, Private.
- What? - [both gasp]
[construction noise]
[upbeat music]
- [chime] - That. Is. Awesome.
- And way hot. - "Awesome" and "hot."
These are words often used to describe me.
We have you surrounded, now step away from the beaver.
- Private said it was okay. - Actually, he said it was--
[mimics fainting] but we took that to mean okay.
You knew I was scared of badgers
- when you gave me the job. - Come on
we gotta get you out of flirty-flirt town.
- In a rush, big time. - Aw, come on.
- Ten more minutes. - No.
- Later, ladies. - Hopefully sooner
- rather than later. - [both sigh]
[grunts]
All right, put some tooth into it.
- Let's go. - Badgers, for the win.
Their fur, it's so smooth and shiny.
Oh, I can almost see myself.
I know, I can look at them and me at the same time,
- and that's awesome. - Yeah. [chuckles]
Wait, what were we supposed to be doing here again?
[groans]
Kowalski, what's wrong with the flat tails?
It appears they have a classic case of
- "cutegirl distractus." - Tell me there's a cure.
In theory, controlled amounts of badger exposure
might motivate the boys natural work ethic.
Oh, like a dance party?
Yes, that's pretty much what I was thinking.
[sighs] Fine. A short shimmy-shaker
and then back to work.
♪ On my jungle scene ♪
♪ He is the funk machine ♪
♪ When they play that groove ♪
- This dance is wicked. - Totes.
- Yeah, party. - Raise the roof.
Hey, that's a really cool idea.
No, really, come on, let's raise the roof
with some load-bearing timber.
Oh, this is delicious.
Hey, let's put down the food and pick up some wood.
- What do you say? - [chomp]
Let's slow things down a bit.
- [beep] - Good call.
[clears throat] Stacy, wanna dance?
[giggles] Okay.
Hey, back off. I'm dancing with her.
Hey, Stacy deserves to slow dance
with the best-looking beaver.
Oh, and you're thinking that's you?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, bring it down.
You can both dance with her.
Kendall, let James have this one.
- Fine. - Hey, Kendall.
- I'll dance with you. - Okay.
Oh, so now you're all about her?
Wait, wait, wait, what about me?
- Back off, she's mine. - But Logan,
I really wanted to dance with you.
- Wait, what? - Boyfriend voice, Stacy?
Really? He obviously wants to dance with me.
[yelping]
[earth rumbles]
- [gasps] - The earth spirits
are getting angrier-er!
- Eh? - No, just give 'em more fruit.
Aw, fine. Except for the mangos.
The spirits just wouldn't appreciate the sweetness.
- I'm out of here. - I'm so out of here.
Aw, don't go, come on.
Like each other or don't like each other.
I don't care either way.
Get these tunnels finished.
I got a broken heart, man. [shrieking] Broken!
I know what'll turn that frown upside down.
Hard work. What do you say?
Only if Becky will go out with me.
Listen, Kendall likes you.
Let's go tell him how much more you'll like him
when he's working, okay?
Like I would go for Kendall. I like Logan.
Of course, who doesn't? Okay, Logan, have at her.
- Hello, Becky. - That's Logan? I meant Carlos.
Carlos, Becky is "totally into you."
That's cool, but I'm more into Stacy.
Stacy, go talk to Carlos. He likes you.
Carlos? Eh, what about Kendall?
Kendall? O.M.G!
I'm waving the white flag, Kowalski.
I mean, I can crack an enigma code easier
than the fickle winds of young love.
Ah, and that's why I've made this chart
to easily follow who likes who.
It's a tangled, incomprehensible mess.
Whoops, wrong diagram. That's the tunnel system.
- Here you go. - We need an expert.
- I'm glad you asked. - Not you.
- Oh... - As we begin this journey
of forgiveness and understanding,
let's remember the each and every one of your feelings
are valid and no matter what happens,
you are all special, beautiful people.
Ahem, but especially me, right?
I don't wanna play favorites.
- [eyes water] - All right, especially you.
- That's what I'm talking about. - Hey!
Uh, okay. Okay, okay, especially everyone, okay?
Now close your eyes.
Come on, guys, close both eyes.
Bunch of jokesters.
Okay, by a show of hands, boys,
which one of you likes Stacy?
Huh. Okay. Who likes Becky?
Wait a minute, how can that be?
I don't know how to say this--
- The thing is-- - Marlene--
You are so sophisticated and...
I like you.
- Marlene?! - Whoa, whoa, whoa,
- I'm just-- - Oh, I understand.
- Boyfriend stealer! - What? Oh, no.
- No, n--of course not. - That's it!
[all grunting]
Two against one? Uncool.
- What is that supposed to mean? - Marlene is mine!
- Oh, no you didn't. - [all grunting]
Oh, knock it off, you numbskulls.
You're making things...
[earth rumbles]
- Skipper? - [yelps]
- [sighs] Worse. - Okay, okay!
Give the earth spirits the mangos too.
I'm not a mango!
- Seriously? - What?
I thought it was a win-win, no?
- We're cut off from escape. - We're stuck in here?
- With the boyfriend stealer? - [hyperventilating]
Hey, oxygen hog, let's not panic.
Oh, but there's no escape. We're doomed!
Listen! I can't go down being mad at anyone
or with anyone being mad at me,
so I'm really sorry to everybody.
Yeah, me too.
Sorry!
[gasps] Becky, look! Dirt!
Everyone thinks burrowing is a gopher-only thing.
- It's so not. - Follow us.
[buzzing noise]
Logan, Carlos, shore that side up.
James, get your flat tail over here and help me out.
[rock music]
[chuckles]
[construction noise]
They're doing it.
- Good to go. - Sweet!
- So... friends? - Friends.
Then my job here is done.
So we're good, Kowalski? The zoo is saved?
Yes, but there was still a small collapse
which means somewhere up there is a rather large sinkhole.
Alice is bound to notice that.
[water splashing]
[earth rumbles]
- [yelps] - [water splash]
- Love my new bath. - Whatever.
Huh? Ooh! A loufa.
I'm exfoliating.
[spy music]
What's wrong with it, Skipper?
Something's blocking cable. [grunts]
Well, what do you know?
TV, TV, TV!
It was my favorite crossbow. You naughty scamp.
You've been looking for that for weeks.
Then today must be my lucky day.
[ricochet noise]
Oh!
Well, don't that beat all.
Somebody left a tender mackerel back there.
Gosh, Skipper, it really is your lucky day.
Yes... lucky.
As we enter hour four of this uneventful police chase--
- [explosion] - Wow, tanker explosion!
Folks, if you're just tuning in, lucky you.
Lucky. Lucky. Lucky.
This is Chuck Charles and my teleprompter is stuck.
Lucky.
Skipper?
[ricochet noise]
Aw. [munch]
[slurps] Limp and flavorless.
Agh, I knew it was too good to be true.
[screams] Flee! It's out of control!
[rocket whooshing]
[scream]
[sizzle]
Delicately toasted with a smoky tang.
It's perfect.
- [rocket sputters] - Of course!
Chilled mackerel has the precise blend of cold and fish oil
to short out my errant missile. [smoke puff]
That was amazing, Skipper.
No, Private, amazing is my base level.
This is bigger. Boys, I believe
I'm pitching a perfect day.
- What are you talking about? - Walk with me.
It's a rare phenomenon, common to pro athletes
and penguin commandos. [dance music]
A fusion of body, mind, and instinct...
- [rocket launch] - in perfect harmony.
[yelps] Booty-seeking missile!
- [screams] - [explodes]
Every move you make is flawless.
- Every call is dead on. - Oh, my gosh,
I just heard the cutest story about baby kittens.
I--agh! [thuds]
Did I hear someone has a baby kitten story?
- You bet I do! - For that one perfect day,
you literally cannot fail.
Undeniably impressive, Skipper,
but how can you be sure this is really--
Because I've pitched a perfect day once before.
There was a girl,
a tin of sardines, magic in the air.
It was glorious.
But seeing how I lost her phone number,
I think I'll do something else.
Get me plan Omega Zulu.
- What?! - No way!
Your mad scheme
to break into the Danish Consulate?
The Danes. How long must they hunt me
for crimes I may or may not have committed,
which may or may not involve an evil puffin
and the minister of open-faced sandwiches?
[spy music]
[action music]
You know, you never actually told us
exactly what happened in Denmark.
Tut-tut-tut, details
aren't important, Mr. Noseybeak.
Well, yes, but they are interesting.
What's interesting is this vault
on the top floor of the consulate.
Inside is my security file.
- Everything the Danes have on me. - Everything?
Destroy that file and you'd be--
Free as a pretty songbird.
You know, we can even take that Nordic cruise
that Rico won't shut up about, huh?
[retch] [excited gibberish] Fjords!
But Skipper, plan Omega Zulu's impossible.
One slip up and we'll be rotting
- in some Copenhagen animal gulag. - Not a gulag!
Do you even know what a gulag is?
Um, no. Can I still be terrified?
[nodding]
- Gah! - Perfect day, Kowalski.
There won't be any slip ups.
All right, if you can do everything perfectly today,
do this, convince us.
- All right. - I'm convinced.
For Skipper! [high frequency noise]
Kowalski, building security brief.
Airtight and impregnable.
Thank you, that was brief.
All right, Omega Zulu is a three-unit operation.
Unit one: surveillance.
[diagram beeps]
Kowalski, you'll be our eyes on the outside.
Wha--oof!
- [beep] - Surveillance in position.
Unit two: heavy equipment. [diagram beeps]
Rico, Private, you're manning the Danish diversion device.
- Aye, Skipper. - [muffled gibberish]
- Aye, Skipper. - That leaves the diciest job
for unit me: infiltration. [diagram beeps]
No conventional entry point.
Looks like I'll be riding the tube.
- You mean the subway? - No, I do not.
[whistles]
[water bubbling]
- [yelps] - Uh, but Skipper,
I believe you're leaving out the most perilous peril of all.
No, I'm afraid I was saving the worst for last.
- [diagram beeps] - Danish security.
Don't expect a pack of mustard-stained
rent-a-cops here, boys.
The weather's cold in Denmark,
and so are the souls.
Uh, wha--what?
You will talk now for me, please.
- There was a penguin. - A penguin?!
[spy music]
[patriotic music]
Why did we all have the same flashback?
- I don't know. - In Denmark,
we know of this commando penguin.
It was a big scandal.
Many good sandwiches were lost that day.
- Uh-- - Know only this,
today we hunt for penguin!
- [headset beeps] - I'm in.
- [button buzzes] - Copy, Skipper.
You'll need to take a restricted-access
elevator to the vault level.
It's 25 yards from your position,
but the guards are as thick as risalamande,
the traditional Danish rice pudding.
This ain't a cultural exchange, Kowalski.
Just tell me how to get my diversion team inside.
Ooh, problematic.
On your far left is a security station
with a red button for buzzing in visitors.
It appears to be fingerprint coded,
which means you'll have to trick the guard
into pressing it himself.
- [groans] - [button beeps]
- Ooh, nice throw. - Perfect throw,
and I'm just getting started.
Skipper, the guards, you can't--
Can. Doing it.
Perfectly.
- Skipper, behind you. - Okey-dokey.
- And what time is it? - 11: 36. Why do you--
What is--agh!
Ooh.
Now where's my Danish diversion device?
[wheels squeaking]
- In position, Skipper. - Engage.
- [beeping] - Who likes Danishes?
[excited chatter]
Halt! There is no such thing as a free Danish.
Sad-sads for you, penguin.
Your clever subterfuge is for naught!
- [whimpers] - Wow.
They're pinned down, Skipper.
I can't find them an exit.
Leave that to the perfect day mojo.
Rico, Private, move out on my mark.
And this is my mark!
Penguins!
both: [scream]
The plan's in chaos, Skipper.
Your perfect day must have expired!
Negative, smart guy.
It just bought me an elevator ride.
[excited chatter]
Kowalski, follow their position and keep me posted.
- I'm going after my file. - [elevator dings]
[machine whirring]
They're in the northeast hallway.
Boys, take the right-hand corridor.
Count to two and open the first door on the left.
- One, two, go! - [all grunt and groan]
- Skipper, how did you-- - Perfection doesn't rest
for jibber-jabber, Private. Move out.
- [gasps] - [elevator dings]
[chuckles] Wow!
That is a big vault.
With an electronically coded keyhole
- shielded by six layers of-- - Oh, 86 the lecture,
Professor Turtleneck Von Elbowpatches.
Just follow that chase. [machine whirring]
I'm trying, but this rig wasn't designed to--
[screams] It's overheated, Skipper.
- I've lost visual contact. - We're in the kitchens.
They'll be cooking a pot of lingonberry jam.
Knock that over and break for the south stairwell.
- Okay. - [pot spills, people scream]
- My shoes smell of lingonberry. - Now, Kowalski,
pop the control panel on your rig.
Connect the blue wire to the anterior anode
- and remove the voltage limiter. - Wow [chuckles]
your perfect day even extends to electrical engineering?
Nope, just an uneducated guess.
- [screams] - [zaps]
Of course, electric shock.
- [screaming] - [zaps]
[screaming]
[pants] Oh.
[grunting]
- Oh! - Hi, Kowalski.
- Get them! - [overlapping shouting]
- I can get them! - Skipper.
- Can't talk. Building static. - [static]
Have to shock... the lock.
Ah, yes, well, the thing is...
we're in a bit of a pickle here, actually.
Can that pickle. I've got this.
- Trust me. - All right, Skipper.
We know you'll make the right call.
Yes, I will.
Tut-tut-tut-tut. Look at these
quivering dainties.
Such wobbly-chinned cowards
could not be the penguin I seek.
Where is the one the legends call "Skipper"?
- Right behind you. - What?!
- Ready to start some static. - [static]
[battle cry]
Whoa...
Skipper, your file, you didn't get it?
Eh, nobody's perfect.
Der kommissar's in town...
Except me today. Hoo-hah!
- [beeps] - [door opens]
Plan Omega Zulu complete.
Hasta la vista, Danish record.
Don't I at least get to know what you were accused of?
You have precisely 6.2 seconds.
Finally, all the secrets of Skipper's past
revealed in--what?
There's no pictures at all.
It's just a bunch of words
- I can't read. - Time's up.
- Rico? - [retches]
- [whimpers] - Perfecto.