And now DreamWorks' The Penguins of Madagascar.
[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
♪ Hey-oh yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[big band music]
Kowalski, have you seen my calendar?
[gulps]
- Calendar? - Yeah.
I had it around here someplace,
but it seemed like the darn thing just up and walked away.
Feels like we had some operations
scheduled for this week.
Importante operations.
Either of you boys seen my calendar?
- Nope. - Hmm-mm.
Hmm. Strange.
Yes, well, in the meantime,
we can just carry on as usual.
You know, some cute and cuddly antics for the guests.
- Uh-huh. - Roger that.
Yeah, I suppose we could do that.
Or I could check my backup calendar.
Huh? It's big.
Oh, that's right.
It's team-building week.
Right there in bold.
Whoo!
The week we weed out the weak.
My least favorite time of year.
Heavy ball hacky sack, go!
[grunting]
[babbling]
[shrieks]
Hogging the ball, Private?
Well, that's not being a team player.
Heave, team, heave.
[all groaning]
[straining]
[exclamations]
[moaning]
Rico's a ball hog too.
[all straining]
Mama.
That's it, Big Gray.
Put your full weight into it.
I'm giving you all the junk in my trunk.
Skipper, forgive me,
but I'm not seeing the point of this exercise.
Oh, really?
What if the only way to save
one of your penguin brothers
was to form a penguin chain, hmm?
My penguin brothers aren't two-ton elephants.
Hey, ton and three-quarters.
I've been cutting carbs.
[trumpets]
Oh, cheese and crackers.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
You want to know why we do this, Kowalski?
No penguin gets left behind.
- That's why. - What about Manfredi?
Okay, one penguin gets left behind.
And Johnson.
Maybe two penguins get left behind.
- And... - [groans]
Comparatively few penguins get left behind, all right?
Okay, let's take another shot at the penguin bridge.
This time, dig deep.
No more phoning it in.
Please. Can't go on. Gah!
I think we found our weak link.
Skipper, Kowalski's right.
First it was pass the red-hot burning briquette.
[making pained sounds]
Then the sack of broken glass races.
[making pained sounds]
Then the razor wire rodeo.
[grumbles]
- We need a rest. - Yeah.
A rest?
Are you saying seven straight days
of intensive training is too much?
Are you saying that you've had too much teamwork?
Are you? Well, say it! Are you? Are you?
Um, yes.
All right, Private. You got it.
- I do? - Or you got it, Rico.
Or you, Kowalski.
Skipper?
The first man who brings me
a delicious salted kipper
gets a day pass.
- A kipper, Skipper? - That's right.
One tiny, smoked fish
buys a whole 24 hours
of whatever your little hearts desire.
Ah, science time.
Well, what do you know?
"E" equals mc cubed.
Einstein. Is there anything he got right?
Telly time.
Today it's just you and me
and season three.
Ohh.
[murmurs]
[classical music]
Wait. Huh?
Kaboom! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
[murmurs]
Now my recommendation is the fish market
down by Terminal Five--
[all grunting]
Sorry, Private.
My scientific research
is way more important than your crudely-animated
everybody-get-along show.
Oh, yes, that's just what the world needs,
another invention that explodes
when you plug it in, right, Rico?
- Rico--oh. - Look.
Later, chump.
[shrieking]
Well, looks like it's survival of the fittest.
And that is me!
Says you!
[laughs]
Ha! So you thought
you could pull a fast one on good, old--
Ta-ta, boys.
I mean, losers!
[tires screeching]
Private's getting away.
We've got to stop him before--
cheap shot, Rico.
[grunts]
[grunting]
Ah.
[door chimes]
The subway.
[door chimes]
[clears throat]
Creeper.
[car horns honking]
[sighs]
Oh!
Ha-ha!
[both grunting]
Okay, here's the plan.
You two continue pointlessly fighting,
and I'll snag a kipper.
- Ow! - Uh-uh!
[grunts]
[chuckles]
- [grunts] - Yeah, my great-grandfather
was a fishmonger,
and my grandfather was a fishmonger,
and my dad, well, he was a dentist.
But now I'm a fishmonger too.
Family honor restored.
So what brings you to this thrilling line of work, pal?
Penguins cost me my job,
my dignity, and, once, my goatee.
Your goatee?
It grew back.
Still, if I ever catch up to those penguins,
there will be a reckoning.
Yes, there will.
Um, coffee break.
See ya.
Penguins.
Cod, cod, cod, grouper.
[slurp] Flounder.
Nothing but bass. Where are all the kippers?
- Oh, did you look over there? - Thanks, Kowalski, I'll--
Like I'd tell you.
Hyah! [whoops]
[groans] Cod, cod, grouper,
flounder, grouper, cod, cod.
Grouper, cod, cod, flounder, grouper, grouper,
cod, cod, flounder, grouper, grouper.
Penguins?
- [buzzer] - [screams]
Ay! Ahh.
- Kippers! - I got it.
I got a kipper!
Hello, penguin.
Long time, no satisfying revenge.
Oh, Officer X.
Actually, now I'm guessing it's Fishmonger X.
[crunch]
[groans]
[all groan]
Sweet, sweet payback is finally mine.
[blech]
Where do you suppose he's taking us?
Animal Control HQ.
Thus vindicating all his wild penguin stories
and earning back his badge.
Oh, good for him, I guess.
- Less good for us. - Aye.
I'd just like it to be noted that I had the kipper first.
Admittedly, it seems less important now
than it once did.
[tires screeching]
[laughs]
You boys all right back there?
'cause I'm feeling X-ellent.
And here come the puns.
- Hey. - X-ellent?
He could dig a little deeper than that.
Oh, all we had to do was get a kipper.
Fancy us laid low by such a simple task.
Yes. Usually we snag
a whole crate of kippers, no sweat.
How did we come to this?
We stopped being a team.
Oh. Lunacorns?
Season two.
But that doesn't make it any less wise and true.
All right, even though I'm against gleaning life lessons
from kiddy cartoons...
team!
- Rico, if you would. - Okay.
- [crushing sound] - Four blocks to payback.
[blech]
What the...
Fight, men, like only a true team of penguins can!
[all grunting]
[tires screech]
- Gah! - Ack!
- Ayah! - You penguins forgot.
I multitask.
[tires screech]
Aagh!
- Gotcha. - Hang on, Kowalski.
- [gasps] - Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.
Give... it...up!
[penguins shouting]
Release me, Private.
Save yourselves.
No.
Comparatively few penguins
get left behind.
Rico, bowling ball.
[grunts]
[crash]
[sirens beep]
Officer, it wasn't me.
It was those penguins. Look, those penguins.
Don't you see 'em?
Hey, hey, hey, you're the penguin guy.
Hey, Vinny, come over here.
Get your camera. I busted the penguin guy.
I hate penguins.
Still.
Well, Skipper, we did it.
We?
That's right.
We learned the lesson
you were trying to teach us about teamwork,
and so we are going to present you with the kipper
we retrieved.
2Rico.
Ta-da!
Uh, glad you boys had your fun,
but I wasn't trying to teach you anything.
I just wanted a kipper.
But since you men are so hepped up on teamwork,
how about you show me some?
In the form of a penguin chain.
Big Gray, you out there?
Rested and ready.
Ohh.
[dramatic music]
Kowalski, confirm intel.
I have decoded
this cleverly-hidden subliminal message,
and there's no doubt about it, Skipper.
It's opening day for the 17th film
in the Commodore Danger series,
Tonight, It Thunders Lightning.
- Movie night. - Outstanding.
I've been itching for some nautical superspy action.
[whimpers]
Figure of speech, Private.
I'm sorry, Skipper.
My tail feathers are driving me mental.
Slap some ointment on that bum cheek, mister.
We are T-minus one hour till the morning matinee.
[groans]
[blathers]
[all shout]
Breach in Zone Nine.
Yeah, yeah, let me get the card.
[beep]
[groans and coughs]
Kowalski, alarm analysis.
Mm, feeling mildly antsy, a little tetchy maybe,
yet not quite full-blown panicky.
Of the box.
Oh. Good golly, it's a T-560 zoo shield.
Give it to me in pretty pictures.
It's the latest in zoo security technology, Skipper.
Imagine an invisible electric bubble surrounding the zoo
triggered by animal DNA.
Humans pass through fine.
♪ Well, I'm passing through and I'm feeling fine ♪
But any animal that tries to cross...
Giggie, giggie-gee-gee, gee-giggie.
Yeah, you had me till the giggies.
Anyway, alternate exit.
Go.
Giggie! Giggie! Giggie!
Breach in Zone One.
Alternate exit.
All right, who's first? Volunteers?
- Good man. - Oh, I wasn't--
- wah! - [electricity buzzes]
- Breach in Zone 17. - The system's legit.
So how do we beat the giggies and hit the movies?
Code-breaking skills, activate!
O-o-o...
o-o-o-o-o-o...
o-1.
Results: negative.
All right, let's try o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--
For pity's sake, man!
We're gonna miss our matinee.
Just look what this is doing to the Private.
- Look at him. - Driving me mental.
Sorry, Skipper.
I'm afraid there's only one way into the T-560.
Key card extraction.
From right under Alice's nose. Literally.
Rico, give the lady a nighty-night special.
Hyah!
[grunting]
That dame's got the neck of a Greco-Roman wrestler.
And cankles to match.
[grunts]
And years of toilet cleaning has made her
impervious to gas attacks.
Then there's only one thing for it.
- Private. - What?
We need your knockout hyper-cute.
It's Alice's only known weakness.
Come on. "Byoosh" me.
But I swore I'd never use its awesome power again.
[moans] Blast these feathers.
It's movie day, Private.
Now what would Commodore Danger do?
He'd commit international war crimes
- softened by ingenious quips. - Bingo.
Now, you make with the war crimes
while Kowalski jots down some saucy puns.
[groans] Something with pain... balls?
Oh, I can't do comedy under pressure.
Hey, who let you out of your--
[yells]
Byoosh!
- Ohh. - Aagh!
Of course. The itchy feathers.
- He's--he's... molting. - Ew.
To the bunker and cover the Private's shame.
Whatever.
Don't look at me. I'm hideous.
Just an ordinary molting cycle.
Though the hyper-cute attempt
certainly started it off with a bang.
Ha ha. That one's going in a status post.
Please, fix me, cure me,
make me cute again.
It's all I've got.
It'll all grow back in time. Get off!
We don't have time.
The matinee's started.
We've only got four show times left.
If we don't get Private's hyper-cute back, ASAP,
we may miss opening day altogether.
Mo-vie day!
Worst case, I suppose the movie
will still be playing tomorrow.
Spoilers, Kowalski!
They'll be everywhere by tomorrow,
ruining the unexpected plot twists
and surprising comic moments.
We go today.
All right, the damage isn't too bad.
Maybe a little black marker,
some white correction fluid.
Oh, okay. [grunting]
[giggling]
[mumbling]
Ohh, I'm cured.
But are these products safe for use on bare skin?
I'm a scientist, Private,
not a label reader.
Aah! Uhh!
It burns like fire ants!
Fire ants on fire!
- [screams] - Loofah maneuver, Echo Delta.
Go, go, go.
Loofah, loofah, loofah, loofah, loofah!
[gasps]
Um...
What? Did you miss a spot?
No. We were... [gags] Very thorough.
Gah.
[howls]
Well, the 1:10 show is out.
I want to see it thunder and lightning.
Am I once again adorable?
Affirmative. Can you work your hyper-cute
from inside there?
Actually, I'm not sure I can even breathe in here.
- Oh! - [grunts]
Movie day, movie day, movie day.
Kowalski, I really think I need an air hole.
Wow, you look spectacular today, Private.
Did you change groomers?
[hyperventilating]
I need--I need...
oxygen!
Aah! [muffled trumpet] Here come the peanuts!
[vomits]
Oh.
Sayonara, 3:45 in 3D
with cast and crew Q&A.
I'm sorry, Skipper.
It's all my fault.
Oh, don't blame yourself, Private.
- Blame that guy. - Yeah.
- Yeah--what? - You call those options?
Well, I am trying, Skipper.
There is just no fixing a molting body.
- [people cooing] - He's chasing his tail.
[yells]
And stop stealing my gumballs, Rodney!
But perhaps I can replace a molting body.
So you want to use Mort for the dangerous experimentings,
and in return I get--
To watch.
At these prices,
who can be affording not to?
So you've done this brain switch thing before?
- Uh-huh. - Any nasty side effects?
Uh-huh.
With Private's knowhow inside Mort's adorable body,
we should be able to pull the hyper-cute,
knock out Alice, acquire her keycard,
deactivate the security system,
and get across town to our movie.
[sighs] Nothing I love more than a clean, simple plan.
Execute.
Wait.
That is what your booties look like
with all the feathery things gone?
[laughs]
So small and lumpy.
[laughs]
Bum-bums are funny.
Seriously.
Are Mort and me the only ones seeing this?
It's a tiny heinie.
[laughter]
[buzzing]
Booty.
[laughs]
- No. - Take cover.
[moaning]
I expected weirder.
Sorry, Skipper,
but I am thoroughly out of ideas.
[Julien's voice] So then I am thinking you maybe could work
on this problem instead.
[Maurice's voice] Oh, yeah. Wait.
How come my lips don't move when I talk?
Where did my brain go? Oh, no!
Well, I guess that's it then.
No Commodore Danger opening day.
Stow that sadness, compadre.
I've still got one idea left.
Really? And you're bringing it up after we've gone
to the brain-switching well?
You know, you never really appreciate
the booty's majesty until you see it from the outside.
Do not touch the colander.
All right, sister, spare me the lectures
about how true beauty comes from within.
I just need your lady makeover magic
to fix Private's ugly.
So we can see a movie.
I'm not even sure which part of that
I should be most offended at.
First of all, where is Private?
Over here. In the shame sack.
Seriously?
Oh. All right. Come on, lose the sack, Private.
We're all friends here.
All right.
Yuh! Oh! Wow. Okay.
See, this is-- this is fine.
You don't need a makeover, Private.
Oh, yeah. He so does.
- Yup. - Uh-huh.
You don't have to spare
my feelings, Marlene.
I mean, beauty's only skin-deep.
Horrid, rashy, skin-deep.
Right. Yeah, see, this hyper-cute
is still inside of you some-- somewhere.
You know, deep down.
All you need is someone to believe in you.
Are you with me?
Desperate show times call for desperate measures.
- Eww! - Yo, that is foul.
Focus, Private.
Just think cute.
Puppies and kittens and ducklings and ponies.
[yelps]
You again? Ugh! Fine.
- Let's get you to the vet. - [whimpering]
He's paralyzed with crippling self-doubt.
- Oh, no. - He can't do it.
Oh, yes, he can.
Now, Private.
Show me that hyper-cute.
[straining]
[grunts]
[vomits]
Well, that was nasty.
[people screaming]
[crying]
I--I failed.
No, Private, look!
Hey, you! Put down the vending machine!
Alice is distracted by riot control.
Whatever that was, Private, pour it on.
Shh, will you ple-- focus, okay?
You got to think cute.
Sorry, Marlene.
It's movie day. Yahhh!
If you're gonna panic, panic toward the exits.
Blagh!
[screams]
- Blagh! - [shrieks]
Sorry. Blagh!
[both screaming]
Hey, come on.
You and you...
all of you. What is wrong with you?
Keycard secure, you beautiful monster.
Yes!
Look at me, world.
- [screams] - Um, okay, stop looking now.
System deactivated.
Did we make it?
And with ten minutes till the final showtime.
♪ Movie day ♪
[action movie sounds]
Way to turn your nauseating deformity
into a plus, Private.
What? But he--he terrorized
half the zoo.
He made babies cry.
He made--he made grownups cry. I cried.
Exactly-- the lesson here is
always be yourself.
That is so true.
Uh, I think that's my popcorn.
[Marlene hacks up]