♪ ♪
[siren whoops]
- Oh, Brick? - Yeah, Cecil?
Oof!
Well, well!
Looks like our old two-bit thieves have hit the high seas.
Kowalski, what's the catch of the day?
Over 12 tons of-- [gasps]
Patagonian toothfish!
[babbles gibberish]
I don't understand either one of those words.
These felonious chumps have been pirate-fishing
- in Antarctic waters. - Also over my head.
That's the penguins' motherland!
Boys, those deep-water deadbeats just stole from our mama.
Mama!
All right, you shanty-singing salt dogs,
you want to play pirate? Who am I to arr-gue?
Oh, that I got. Arr.
Hmm?
Arr!
Hey.
Isn't that the--
- [crash] - Oof!
- Cecil? - Avast!
Ahoy!
I'm going to kick you in the face now!
You!
[groans] En garde.
Oh, that's a bad move, bird.
I was captain of the fencing team.
- [clangs] - Ow!
[weary grunting]
[panting]
[surprised grunt]
♪ Oh, I am a pirate king ♪
♪ And it is, it is a glorious thing to be a pirate king ♪
[laughs] Bird.
[smash]
Oof!
Arr.
Thank you, loading area, good night.
Hey, is somebody out there?
Hello?
Please, I'm about to get fish sticked!
- Where are you? - Up here, inside the tank.
[gasps]
[smashing and clanging]
What happened?
Some jerk snagged me in one of their stupid fishing nets.
You're all the way from Antarctica, then?
Are we really having a conversation right now?
Sorry, hang on.
Hang on to what?
Everything's either slicy or smashy or fish!
Just, just give me your hand. Trust me.
- [ferocious growl] - [shrieks]
Why didn't you tell me
there was a leopard seal in here with you?
Ow! I am the leopard seal, dummy.
Predator! Deceiver!
Carnivorous charlatan! [screams]
[growling]
[screams]
You--you saved me.
Yeah, and I kind of expected some rescue payback.
There you are.
Come on, Johnny Law just spotted our pirate round-up.
Go on, I'll catch up.
Nipping the old processed fish sticks, eh?
All right. Just don't ruin your supper.
We're having fish.
Well, yes, of course.
Hey!
[smashing and clanging]
[buzzer blares]
[crane lowering]
[clanking]
- Oof! - [worried groan]
Yes! You rock, little penguin.
- Please don't eat me. - Are you kidding me?
I don't even like penguin. It smells like orca poop.
- Um... hello? - Okay, so I believe you.
I'm just going to keep believing you from up here.
You know what? Believe what you want.
I'm going home.
Now, which way would that be?
[melancholic music]
Curiously, officers found the duo
tied up and ready for arrest.
And in an even curiouser twist,
one of the men had a live fish
shoved down the back of his slacks.
Eh, what are you going to do?
Okay, so, um, who likes surprises?
Shh. We're watching our press.
Along with depleting endangered fishing stocks,
pirate boats often snare
other helpless wildlife in their nets,
like albatrosses and leopard seals.
What is this hippie media spin?
Since when is removing leopard seals
from the predator chain a crime?
Leopard seals-- [shudders]
Nature's whiskeriest killing machine.
Right, so, um,
if hypothetically one of us rescued
a whiskery killing machine--
mind you, a very pleasant one--
Hypothetical denied, Private.
There's no such thing as a pleasant killing-machine.
- Hi, I'm-- - Killing machine!
all: [screaming]
Wait. Stop!
Everyone, it's okay. I brought her here.
Say what?
It was Brick and Cecil's fault.
They accidentally caught--
actually, I didn't catch your name.
Hunter.
all: [screaming]
Honestly, how was that helpful?
Please, all she wants to do is go home to Antarctica.
She's not going to eat any of us.
Don't fall for her blubbery lies, Private.
Leopard seals eat penguins.
[grunts]
Not me. I am a strict fishatarian.
See? Bird meat is gross.
Has anybody here actually tasted penguin?
Great, right?
I mean how lucky was I running across
the one leopard seal who doesn't eat penguins?
Oh, you poor, naive half-wits.
All leopard seals start out on a non-penguin diet.
Fish, krill, your basic smaller squids...
I love squid. It's like gummy seafood.
But once they grow out of the pup years,
even the most strict "fishatarian" seal
turns into a-- well, I'll just let
the hand puppet illustrate this one.
[high-pitched] Oh, hello, Miss Leopard Seal.
I hear you only eat fish.
[low-pitched] No more, sucker!
[imitates eating]
What? That's just silly talk.
Hey, don't know me, can't judge me.
[imitates eating]
[low-pitched] Mmm... lean.
I don't even sound like that.
[high-pitched] Oh, oh, please don't.
Would you get that puppet out of my face?
- [chomps] - [shrieks]
all: [whimpering]
Yikes.
So... that was weird, right? [playful growl]
Well, we'll just have to get her home
- while she's still young. - What?
Have you gone completely mad?
She's in trouble, Skipper, and as penguins of honor,
it's our duty to help.
[doors sliding open]
You should splash down somewhere in the East River.
Then... go south.
Hunter's only a pup.
She'll never make it to Antarctica on her own.
Sure she will.
Leopard seals are a crafty breed.
Rico, count us down.
[grunting]
[device beeps]
both: [yelling]
Private!
Gah, why didn't I install an undo button?
Boys, Private just hitched a ride
on the pinniped express to New Deadburg.
We don't let a man swim into seal-infested waters alone,
even our most naively stupid man.
Orders, Skipper?
Fire up the submarine, Mr. Kowalski.
We're going to-- dramatic pause...
Antarctica.
[radar beeping]
Rico, weapons check. Test fire the torpedo tubes.
Pow! Blam! Ka-ka-ka-kablammo!
[groans]
What in the name of Aaron Burr's slapping glove?
Bleh, hello.
Do you like my secret royal nappity tube?
It's dark. It's quiet.
It makes me feel like a handsome vampire.
Bleh!
Shall we reverse course to dump
- our unwanted cargo, Skipper? - Negative.
Private needs us ASAP.
Hey, a little respect for the undead.
Ringtail, prepare yourself for an epic journey
of carnivorous peril from which we may not return.
Whoa, will there be the possibility of forbidden love
with a beguiling lady werewolf?
Mmm... nope.
Oh, man. Okay.
But I'm going to do my handsome vampire mopey-face.
Bleh.
both: [screaming]
- Are you sure about this? - Let's get you home.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you! Oh, sorry.
[catching breath] That's all right.
We're all friends here.
- So we're friends now? - Well, maybe not quite yet.
But you know just the thing for that.
both: Road trip!
♪ 8,523 miles ♪
♪ Feels like half of a minute ♪
♪ Over before you begin it ♪
♪ Best friends we will be ♪
♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪
♪ For 8,523 miles ♪
[radar beeps]
Do a barrel roll!
[laughing]
We're in the barrel!
[continues laughing]
Oh, my gosh. We're totally close!
Great. You recognize this place then?
No, I can just tell because of all the leopard seals.
[terrified cry]
- Hey. - Seals.
So many. So mouthy!
Would you--cut it-- you're okay, Private.
They haven't caught your scent yet.
How can you be sure?
Because all of your tasty parts
are still attached to your other parts.
- [whimpers] - I do know this place!
There's a tunnel down there that leads to my village.
What, down there with the seals?
Uh... kind of?
[sighs] Right.
Stay calm and carry on.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
Food?
[sniffs] Food?
[snorts] Food?
[sniffing]
[low-pitched] Food!
all: Food!
both: [scream]
[grunts]
- [shrieks] - [growls]
[triumphant brass melody]
Custom horn. This is so boss.
Yes, it's the little details that make a war machine.
- Private in extreme peril. - Uh, right.
Wow! [excited babbling]
Fire all torpedoes!
[beeping]
No, it's okay because I also put
the torpedoes in the fruit place.
Hello, banana.
Would you like to be a smoothie now?
[explosion] Why, banana?
[metal banging]
Nice try, psycho killers.
No tiny-brained seal skull
can pound through six inches of steel.
Tell me, where did you find the invisible see-through steel?
- [alarm blares] - Oh, crud.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[grunts]
[groans]
[growls]
- [chomping] - [shrieking]
[low growl]
[sighs] Now I just feel fat.
Did you see how brilliant we were down there?
With the thrashy, throwy maneuver?
I know. That's, like, our thing now.
We totally have a thing.
[gasps] We're here!
Private, you did it. You got me home!
No, you did it. You proved you wouldn't eat me.
I know. Yay me!
All right, off you go then, you savage penguin devourer.
[laughs] Right.
- [playful growl] - [playful growl]
- [louder growl] - [high-pitched growl]
[monstrous growl]
You made me spill my lemonade.
Sorry. Anyway, thanks, bye!
- I'll always remember you. - You too.
You take care.
Don't eat anyone I wouldn't eat.
[chuckles] Oh, she's a good kid.
Food.
Well, the good news is
the seals have left us for dead.
I should mention this is also the bad news.
Options?
With our streamlined penguin bodies
and outstanding lung capacity,
we should be able to swim to the surface,
but how long can Julien hold his breath?
Hold it in what?
Let's see, carry the-- oh, it's impossible!
He'd have to be able to swim at 45 knots,
roughly the speed of a fired torpedo.
Really? Deploy handsome vampire.
[screaming]
[struggling] Let me go, you big bully!
[whimpers, groans]
One? We got one penguin?
What was everybody else doing with the afternoon?
I was watching cable. I love cable.
You, do the math.
What's one penguin work out to on a per-seal basis?
Uh... food?
Good work. Okay, food.
[gulps] Me?
Hop in the jaws.
I've got to divvy up the goods with my teeth.
These things are useless with a knife and fork.
- Look at them. - Hey!
Move it! Daddy!
That's your father?
Fuzzy face! Where have you been hiding?
I was captured by pirates and dragged to New York City.
Wow, I am looking like
a very mediocre parent right now.
And this penguin is the one who rescued me.
Really? Food saved my kid?
[triumphant tune]
Prepare the celebratory feast.
Let's hear it for food!
[shrieks] all: Food!
What? Well, this was unexpected.
Oh, yeah.
I totally thought they were going to eat you.
What, after food rescued my little girl?
What am I, a monster?
Proclamation, food here is off-limits.
And I mean to everybody.
Looking at you right now, Reginald.
[sad whine]
I can't believe how well this turned out.
I got a new friend, we took a fantastic trip,
and nobody's going to eat me!
- I blame you. - [frightened gasp]
Dad, these are Private's friends.
They rescued you too?
all: [hopeful murmur]
Technically, they were against it.
Soup's on! all: Food!
- Wait! - No!
What is this, a joke?
Because if it's the one about
making penguin intestine balloon animals,
I've heard it, and it's hilarious.
[laughs hysterically]
Oh, balloon animals, you say?
So was this a potluck?
Because I brought some ice.
Why are we eating any of these penguins?
Cookieburger, we are leopard seals.
Fish got to swim, penguins got to be eaten.
It is what it is.
That's what I've been saying.
Yes, I understand the implications.
I just like to be right.
But you're not right, Skipper.
You all thought Hunter would eat me.
- But look-- - Still in one piece.
We're living proof that seals and penguins
don't have to be predator and prey.
We can even be friends.
Check it out, we even have our own thing.
Hop in, friend.
both: [grunting]
both: Ta-da!
What?
Good technique, honeybear.
Uh... wha?
Your friend thing is decidedly unfriendly.
Thrashing a penguin from side to side
is how leopard seals tenderize the meat before...
well, you remember the hand puppet.
[shudders]
What? No, I wasn't--
I am afraid all you've proven
is that you are a born carnivore.
You make that sound like a bad thing.
Come on, smart guy, admit you're delicious.
I...I'm sorry, Private.
We'll save you a wing, pumpkin.
Did you want any or...
- would that just be weird? - Wait!
May I ask you what sort of penguin recipe you're using?
- Eat. - All right.
Ah, yes, that one's a classic,
but you know what's even more yummy?
The taste of penguin meat after a good, long marinating.
all: [intrigued murmurs]
[melancholic music]
Snow touching the feet!
[laughs, grunts]
But seriously, I miss him. [smooches]
Oh, I thought everybody was at the feast.
Yeah, the penguin sounded tasty,
but the side dishes were just meh.
Maybe I'll just go somewhere else.
Uh, you are confused and upset.
You should talk to me.
I am excellent at telling people what to do.
I don't want to be a penguin-eating predator.
So don't be. There, fixed.
Right, I wish it was that easy.
Of course it is,
you ridiculously sausage-shaped animal, you.
You know what I did today?
I nailed the play-acting of a handsome vampire--bleh!
Did a crazy awesome barrel roll,
and I totally kicked a Snow Mort
halfway to Anti-Antarctica. [grunts]
What does that have to do with anything?
You think anybody else wanted me to do those things?
Go ahead, answer.
- No-- - Who cares?
Who else can be telling you what you have to do,
or to be, or to not do or be?
Nobody!
So you're saying it doesn't matter
what everybody thinks I'm supposed to be.
I mean, who says I have to be like everyone else, right?
No, I am saying it's awesome to be king!
I don't know where you got that other stuff.
Come on!
- all: [shivering] - Marinating?
You picked marinating?
Well, I had to do something to buy time for a jailbreak.
Mission half-accomplished. Now, what's the escape plan?
- Big moment! - Hunter!
Oh, out for blood, huh, predator?
Out to save my friend.
And you three, I guess. But only on principle.
all: [sniffing]
all: food?
Food! [growling]
They're coming!
Everybody surrender! Edible ones first.
Down the mountain.
It's the quickest way to the ocean.
Yes, and technically, falling off a building
is the quickest way to the sidewalk.
all: [screaming]
They're coming up too fast!
[smacking lips]
Hang on. I'll run a diversion.
[both shouting]
Oof!
That's my girl! Go Hunter!
[growling]
In your toothy face! [laughs, gasps]
- [roars] - Bleh!
Up ahead. Aim for the ramp.
You can launch to a safe distance.
- all: [screaming] - You're not coming?
I can't. I belong here with my--
- No, Daddy! - [growls]
- Whoa! - [screams]
Dad!
Private, don't be a hero.
Don't be a fool with your life!
[struggling]
[screaming]
[relieved sighs]
[panicked breathing]
all: [screaming]
Food? You saved me.
Yes, well, my instinct said to run,
but we can't always listen to those silly things, can we?
Instincts. I get you.
Everybody okay?
all: Food! Food! Food! Food!
Go on. Get him out of here.
You trust me?
- I'll miss you. - Yeah.
Shut up and hop in.
[screams excitedly]
all: food.
Dang, slippery little tasty nuggets, aren't they?
all: [murmurs]
Love you, Dad.
Come on, I think I've got some squid in the freezer.
And by the freezer, I mean our front porch.
Oh, I hate Antarctica.
[screams]
[grunting]
Private, I may have misjudged that she-predator and you.
If a penguin and a leopard seal can learn to get along
in this crazy, mixed-up world,
then maybe there's hope for all of us.
Bleh! [chomping]
- Gah! - [smacking lips]
What? I was curious.
All of us, minus one.
[exciting music]
♪ ♪