[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[intense music]
♪ ♪
Skipper's log. Today, testing begins
on Kowalski's latest invention.
Oh, yeah.
I am proud to introduce
the next phase of penguin combat,
the nexto-skeleton!
Good name, right? I was up all night.
Eh.
Test one, missile launch.
Aah!
[crash]
[wind whistling]
After months of intensive research
and re-engineering,
Kowalski's nexto-skeleton
is ready for its second field test.
Strength test on my mark.
Mark!
Yes, it works! It totally--
I-I think it's too c-cold for the c-camera.
[sighs] Third test of the--
Oh, yeah.
[groaning]
Ready for the test, Skipper?
Hmm? Oh, yeah. Right.
Well, knock yourself out, Kowalski.
Don't you wanna record it for posterity?
What? Oh, no, I'm good.
Keepin' it all upstairs.
Commencing test four. [beeping]
Yes! It's working!
It's working! [laughs]
Finally, after all this time, the nexto-skeleton is--
aah!
Oh, it's ghastly, harrowing, horrific.
Nah, he's had worse.
Walk it off, Kowalski.
Aye, Skipper.
No, not Kowalski. That!
[laughing] That's you!
Who would do this? I'm universally beloved.
That's my thing. Who could possibly not like me?
Oh, ask them.
Agh!
Um, pardon me, but why are you making
unflattering pictures of me?
You really think it's possible
to make a flattering picture of you?
When's the last time you looked in the mirror?
I mean without breaking it.
- What? - Am I being too subtle?
I'm saying you're ugly--
stupid and ugly.
You're not the first to mix the two,
but you're the stupidest and ugliest.
What did I ever do to you?
That Tuesday, last spring, in the park--
you stepped on me!
I did? I don't remember that.
Why am I not surprised?
Why would a power player like you
worry about the little guy?
Power--I didn't mean-- it's just--
are you sure it was me?
How many penguins are there in Manhattan?
Yes, I'm sure it was you.
And ever since then,
I've been racing to this zoo to teach you a lesson.
- Racing? - I'm a snail.
Do the math, bigfoot.
Now get ready for a beat-down in midtown!
Could you take a step or two closer to me?
It'll really save time.
You got your first archenemy! Great news!
- What's his name? - Dale. He's a snail.
Oh. Well, it's a start.
It's not the size of the foe, but, uh...
help me out here, Kowalski.
Uh, perhaps you'll soon be the enemy of a tiger
- or a shark. - Ooh!
Maybe even a tiger shark.
[roaring]
But I don't want to be anybody's archenemy.
I'm nice!
There's got to be a way to set things right with Dale.
Perhaps if I bring him a thoughtful, little gift.
Oh, Private, you're doing it wrong.
You don't make peace with your arch!
- Come on! - Yeah, come--oh!
Dale. ♪ Oh, Dale ♪
I have some lovely, delicious lettuce for you.
Hmm, maybe I should just wait here for him.
- [crunch] - Aah!
Oh, dear.
Is somebody popping popcorn? I--oh.
There, good as new... ish.
Thank you, Marlene.
It's nice to know that not all zoo animals
are rage-a-pathic goons.
Yes, Private, I was obliquely referring to you, goon!
Oh, please, it was an accident.
Dale, I've known Private a long time.
He's a sweetie.
He wouldn't intentionally harm a fly.
Well, I'm not a fly.
And he's done it twice!
Twice? Really? Huh.
Look, Dale, would it help
- if I said I'm sorry? - No.
Would it help if I said I'm very sorry?
Let me think. No!
Would it help if I said I'm very, very, very, very--
Very, very--no!
How about this? If I said I was sorry
in front of all my friends and everyone I know,
- would that satisfy you? - Hmm.
There might be something there.
Okay.
Dale, this is everyone.
All right, get on with it!
And, hey, uh, anything you can do to,
you know, make me look good for the ladies.
You got it, mate. Listen, everyone!
I recently met someone, someone very handsome.
[bell chimes]
And I hurt him-- accidentally, but badly,
so here's a message I want each and every one of you
to see, hear, and, yes, feel. Dale--
- [crunch] - Aah!
Oh, dear.
[all gasp]
Poor form, Private.
You grapple with an arch for years
before you outright humiliate him.
Again, if there's any way I can make it up to you...
Why not sauté me in butter and garlic?
Get it over with.
Private, don't get mad or anything,
but I think it best if you leave.
Yeah, escar-go!
[whimpers]
[both gasp]
We don't want no trouble.
Yeah, no trouble, no trouble.
[trumpets]
- [sighs] - Uh, excuse me.
Why is everyone thinking you are a scary monster?
Because I accidentally stepped on a snail.
So? Accidents happen.
Then I sat on him.
Oh, okay, well, you know,
sometimes they happen twice. Sheesh.
Then I stepped on him again!
What is wrong with you? You monster!
I don't even kick Mort three times!
You know, my feet get tired.
But you, man, you got the managing-anger problem!
It was all an accident, honest!
But nobody sees it that way!
Ah, this I can help with.
As king, I know the ins and downs
and ups and outs of the public images.
Really? You could help me?
Just leave everything to me.
Soon, everybody, even this crush-ed snail,
will know the real you.
Aah! Gentle!
Sorry. Sorry, Dale. Sorry.
Hey, you guys have any bandages? I'm all out.
- Help yourself, Marlene. - Thanks.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! You're taking me down there,
into the lair of the beast?
You're safe. "The beast" is out moping.
Oh. Okay, then.
Exposing our lair to Private's archenemy,
is that a good idea, Skipper?
Private's arch is a snail.
- [laughs] - Yeah, good point.
I know, it's cute.
Okay, give me a minute.
They're down here somewhere.
Hmm, hello.
[engine revving]
Whoa!
Kowalski, is your nexto-skeleton testing itself?
No, it wasn't scheduled to become self-aware
for another week.
Ladies and gentlemen,
give a warm welcome to the monarch with the most,
the King of cool,
the sovereign of soul,
King Julien!
[light applause]
Thank you, Maurice, for that lovely
but unnecessary introduction
because everyone already knows and loves me.
Now, as much as you would all like me to talk about me,
I would like to talk about a certain special someone
who is not me.
There seems to be some mis-conniptions about Private.
He--he's not a mean guy.
He's not a crazy guy.
He's not a guy who eats the small woodland creatures.
The truth is,
he's the meanest, craziest guy
who eats the large woodland creatures!
What?
Just look at the way he treats
the harmless little slime guys.
What do you think he will do to you?
Won't be pretty, I tell you that!
- No! - You see?
There's no telling what this psycho nut will do!
He's loose! Run for your lives!
[all screaming]
Please, no! Listen to me, I beg you!
I'm not a bad guy.
It's all been one horrible misunderstanding.
I was gonna say something clever here,
but, really, that's not who I am.
All I wanna do is smush you.
Aah!
At ease, soldier, your backup is here!
Look! The nexto-skeleton, it's working! It's--
Sorry! I was aiming for jerky stompy feet!
I'm still getting the hang of this.
[beeps]
Good-bye!
One mistake, little Dale.
We are like the three musketeers,
except there are four of us,
and we're birds,
and in no way French,
but the same team mentality applies.
Couldn't care less.
Aah!
Rico, increase his sodium intake!
Back off, gastropod.
I've got a salt shaker, and I'm not afraid to--
[all shouting]
Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
Aah!
Look, I know it's obvious.
But I wanna underline the poetic justice here anyway.
I'm going to step on you
just like you stepped on me,
wearing your very own robo-clothes!
Gah! I suppose that's fair
after how I've wronged you so,
but just so you know, that's not my suit.
- It's not? - No, it's Kowalski's.
Wait a second.
Aren't you the science-guy penguin?
No, I'm the adorable-nice-guy-
with-a-heart-of-gold" penguin. Boosh!
So who stepped on me last spring?
I am proud to introduce
the next phase of penguin combat--
the nexto-skeleton!
[chuckles] How about that?
You see? This whole thing's
just been one big misunderstanding.
Uh, I don't know what to say, Private.
Just say we'll be friends
and we'll forget all about it.
I'll do more that that.
I'll set the record straight.
I'll tell everyone that you really are a stand-up guy.
Thanks, Dale.
Just as soon as I stomp
this Kowalski jerk into the ground!
- Dance, penguin, dance! - Aah!
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Aah! Maurice, Mort, come quickly!
This creaky tiki throne has viciously attacked
my magnificent royal booty with this stabbiness!
It's just a splinter.
A teeny-tiny-teeny splinter.
It is attempted "booticide!"
Spread the word.
Your king is needing a brand-new throne!
- Whoa! - Aah!
678,433...
678,434...
and 678,435 grains of salt
in the mess hall salt shaker.
Kowalski, make a note of that for inventory.
How's that pepper count coming?
Ah, ah, ah, ah-choo!
- You done? - Um, uh-huh.
[sneezes]
[alarm blaring]
Kowalski, that can't be what I think it is.
- Can it? - I'm afraid so, Skipper.
It's S.T.A.N.K.
- STANK! - After all these years...
I tried so hard to forget.
Right. So what's a STANK?
Project Super Toxic
Aromatically Noxious Ka-boom-boom.
It was--it was a horrible--
- Acronym? - A stink bomb, Private.
The acronym's not very good either.
But not just any stink bomb.
The grandmama stink bomb to end all stink bombs.
It was designed to lock on to a target
and hold it there until the odor core detonated.
Private, the putrid perfume of project STANK
is a bazillion times worse
than anything you've ever smelled.
Bazillion isn't a real number, Skipper.
Is too.
The International Numbers Council just declared it.
And that is not a real council.
Is too!
The International Councils Council
just declared it, just now.
So who was STANK supposed to lure
into its foul seat?
Dr. Blowhole.
And that's where the whole project went wrong.
Turns out dolphins don't use toilets.
- Nope. - Not when they've got
- the seven seas to soil. - What? Really?
Oh, yeah, all the sea creatures do it--
fish, whales, lobsters, octopuses.
Ugh, I'm never swimming in the ocean again.
Anyhoo, STANK was a bust.
Total waste of a perfectly good toilet.
- [rumbling] - Uh-oh.
Kowalski, is this thing still active?
Apparently, but we should be safe
as long as we don't disturb its fragile core...
Phew!
[rumbling]
By doing things like... breathing.
Man, we've gotta get this STANK out of here, ASAP!
But where do we take it, Skipper?
Somewhere uncivilized, uninhabitable,
a wasteland of inhuman misery.
Garden State Parkway rest stop?
Right-o. They'll never notice the difference.
- [engine turning] - Ah.
Gently, Rico.
The tiniest movement could initiate the detonation timer.
We have to be very, very, very careful.
Yeah, yeah. [fly buzzing]
Eh, ah, aah!
Aah!
Oopsy.
No. No. No!
My new royal throne must be something
that really wows my breath away.
I'm looking for something big, something shiny.
[truck horn blares] Ah!
Something with cool blinking lights
along the side like that!
My throne! Where is it taking my new royal throne?
We got ourselves a convoy.
This is Big Box Shaker in the Wiggle Wagon,
sending out a 10-32 to Puking Boots.
You got your ears on, good buddy?
Uh...
Just reminding you to keep your flaps down,
use the Jake, and back off the hammer.
Say what?
Just a little trucker lingo, Rico.
- I'm telling you to go slow. - Oh, got ya!
Cranky Cranium, how's it back on the skateboard?
You throwin' some rope on that fat load?
I beg your pardon?
Ugh. Trucker lingo.
You secure the STANK?
Oh, yes.
If we keep the speed down and stay on flat terrain,
this will definitely, probably, maybe work.
10-4, good buddy.
Simpering Soft Foot, you my bear in the air?
Sorry, am I Simpering Soft Foot?
Aw, come on! Nobody speaks big rig?
- Sorry! - I find it impenetrable.
[sighs] Fine.
Private, where are you?
I'm coming up on your position now, Skipper!
There's light traffic on the bridges and toll roads.
Oh, and there's a yellow cab pulling up next to you!
It's midtown Manhattan, Private.
Yellow cabs are like cowboys at a rodeo.
They're everywhere.
- Yee-haw! - Oof!
[tires screeching, truck horn blares]
Oof!
Ringtail, no!
Aah! [tires squealing]
Rico, stay with him.
Ringtail, I know you can hear me.
And even though it's never worked before,
I'm gonna try and reason with you.
Ha, good luck with that.
Stop that truck!
You have no idea what noxious havoc
that cargo is capable of!
Ah, but I do.
This cargo is capable of becoming
my most awesome new royal throne!
[tires squealing]
Private, I need a lift.
On my way, Skipper.
[water sloshing]
Hiyah! Unh!
- Yah! - Aah!
[tires screeching]
You are too late!
I hereby proclaim this super-boss blinky throne!
both: No!
Ahh,
booty-full.
See? My booty was destined for this throne.
Even the throne knows it.
What exactly is King Julien sitting on?
And can't get up from? [grunting]
Ringtail, let us deal with this situation.
Yes, deal with it!
It's impossible to stop.
The core is going full meltdown!
- [gulps] - Fine.
Just get the king up and off of that thing!
Well, I'd have to short out the locking circuit
without triggering the smell-a-tonium!
Private, airlift Kowalski and Maurice back to H.Q.
You two find a way to get Ringtail off the STANK!
The rest of us will press on,
and hope fate smiles on the foolish.
Then I will be the most foolish of all.
[truck horn honks]
[sobbing] Doomed! I'm so doomed!
Crying never solved anything.
So stop with the tears.
[sobbing] You're not the one with a doomsday stink bomb
strapped to your booty!
- Can I drive? - No!
- Can I drive now? - Uh-uh.
- How about now? - No!
- Uh... - I drive!
[tires squealing]
[thudding]
[water sloshing]
Okay, that's enough driving for me.
Your turn.
[water gurgling]
We got lucky, Ringtail, real lucky.
[train horn blares]
[both scream]
These locking mechanisms are identical to the ones
strapped onto King Julien's posterior regions.
So if we can find the right liquid solution
to short out the circuit, we can free him!
Let's get started.
[tools whirring]
- Unh! - Oh, boy.
[train horn blares]
[crying]
Why?
Agh!
[metal clanging]
[train horn blares]
Blagh! [beep]
Good work, Rico!
Look, Ringtail, sweet, sweet Jersey!
Now we just need some answers from the geniuses in the lab.
It's not gonna work! It's not gonna work!
How are we supposed to-- hey!
This is kind of awkward, isn't it?
[alarm blaring]
- Hey, look, it worked! - What worked?
I'm using the same solution, and nothing is happening!
Kowalski, tell me you've got good news.
Well, something must have been different,
because I'm standing over here, and you're standing over there.
What could possibly be different?
Unless, it's 678,435 grains
of recently spilled salt!
Skipper, the answer is sodium chloride!
Hey, know how you don't speak trucker?
Well, I don't speak nerd-ese!
Salt. You need common table salt
to short out the lock, good buddy.
Kowalski, we're in a city dump,
- not restaurant row. - Salt water would work,
but they'd never get to the shore in time.
Ooh, wait! Saline!
Do either of you wear contact lenses?
I got it! Tears are salty!
Cry onto the lock!
Cry like you're gonna die,
'cause if you don't, you might.
You heard him, Ringtail. Make with the waterworks.
What? Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll try.
You'll try?
You've been crying nonstop for the last hour!
Now, come on, squeeze out a couple of tears!
[alarm blares]
Let me give it--
uh...
eeh...
unh...
I can't do it!
I can't just fake it!
It needs to be real, from the inside.
Well, uh, think of sentimental things,
good times you had with dear friends.
[scoffs] What friends?
- You? - Yes, okay, sure.
If that works for you, uh, think of us together.
MacArthur's starched short pants,
I can't believe how much time I've wasted with you.
Ha ha! I am free!
I am free from my throne of STANK!
[rumbling]
[hissing, alarm blaring]
We'll never leave the stench radius in time!
Oh, yes, we will!
[alarm blaring]
My calculations show that STANK might actually improve
the air quality over New Jersey.
[chuckles] I am just glad you broke down
and cried girly tears
at the thought of never seeing me again.
Now, hold on a minute, Ringtail.
It was one very small, very manly tear.
Big blubbery baby!
- Waa-haa-haa-haa! - Ugh!
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪