[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[yawns]
Waddle, waddle, tip.
Waddle, waddle, kick, spin.
Slap a smile on that face, Private.
Rico, it's a waddle, not a strut.
Dig it, baby.
Feed the penguins fish buckets
are completely sold out, Skipper.
Let's give 'em a reason to toss that tuna, boys.
Converge.
Eh, maybe the polar bears got some new material.
The polar bear? Pfff.
Sure, he's the biggest carnivore on land,
but can he do this?
[bass-heavy dance music]
They're gone, Kowalski,
and that ain't gonna bring 'em back.
[gulps]
[unintelligible muttering]
This is even less than yesterday.
Well, clearly,
the people have become immune to our adorable antics.
I blame the internet with its plethora of cheap puppy videos.
But--but-- I need my fish!
And you'll get your fish.
We just need to step up our cute and cuddly game.
Kowalski, options.
I'd say this problem needs a fat serving
of cold, hard science.
Yes, because nothing's cuter than science.
Fine.
Well, it hums.
I like that in a device.
Well, that hum is the motion capture nodes
tracking the subject's cuteness levels.
And I shall call it the adorablizer.
Humming and a name that ends in -izer:
even I'm geeking out.
Now, let's check your natural irresistibility levels.
Do something, you know, cute.
[sputters]
Yeah, okay, that would be more acute...
psychosis.
Let's embrace the obvious.
[thwack]
[crackling]
Impressive.
Even without trying, you're at 48% cuteness.
Yay!
[crackling]
52%.
52% cute is still 48% fail.
Now flap and hop for me.
Flap it like a pretty songbird.
[panting]
Cut waggle angle to 32%.
Go boom!
Again!
Ooh!
Doe eyes.
Now blink 'em.
Bat 'em.
Bat 'em like a babe.
I can't push it any cuter, Skipper.
Dig deep, man.
What doesn't kill you only makes you more adorable.
[alarm wailing]
Now imagine a unicorn hugging a baby duckling
under a rainbow!
We're red-lining, Skipper.
100% adorability!
Cute mission accomplished.
Stand down.
Private?
Private! Cut the cute!
[explosion]
Skipper, what happened?
Kowalski, talk to me.
It appears Private has discovered
some sort of quantum hypercute:
132% adorability.
Wow!
Is that even possible?
Scientifically, no.
Way to stick it to science, Private.
Now let's go cute us up some fish.
Hey!
Steady...
and deploy hypercute!
Boosh!
all: Aw!
Wow.
Uh, situation report?
Anyone?
Yeah, uh...
Hey, what's up, neighbor?
I was stopping by to permanently borrow your--
[gasps]
I saw nothing of this.
Maurice is the only witness.
Quick, silence him while I flee into hiding
on a Pennsylvania dairy farm.
Relax, Ringtail.
I'm sure the people are fine.
See?
[wobbly moaning]
Oh, you have bemagicked them.
Tell me, who among you is the dark wizard?
That guy.
I was trying this new little thing I can do--
you know, kind of a little...
boosh!
Whoa, look out! Too cute.
all: Aw!
Of course, it's exactly what happened to the machine.
Their brains have overloaded
from too much penguin adorability.
Finally, the dream of a thousand generations
of penguins has come true.
We have weaponized cuteness.
But, Skipper, I can't go knocking people out willy-nilly
with a bat of the eyelashes.
You totally can.
If this power fell into the wrong hands,
it could be devastating.
Still, no sense letting all this fish go to waste.
Fiiiiiish!
[gulping]
Ease that troubled conscience, Private.
What we have discovered this day is a weapon of last resorts,
for only the most dire emergencies.
What in the world?
Emergency!
Ah! Boosh!
Why am I smiling?
Aw!
[thwack]
Ooh, effective!
Come on, let's do some more field tests!
But you said it was only for dire emergencies.
Let's not live in the past, Private.
Move out!
[humming]
Hey, yo, Bing,
you order those bananas to go?
[laughs lamely]
Never joke about the bananas.
Fruitjackers!
I'd say this looks like an emergency.
Emergency!
Boosh!
[all moaning]
Ah, my eyes have seen through the lies of your pointy mouths!
You do have the magic,
and I demand to know your sorcerous secrets.
Honestly, Julien, it's only--
Trying to steal our classified cuteness secrets.
Emergency, Private.
Couldn't we just talk this out?
Emergency!
- Now, hold on a-- - Boosh!
Aw.
Anyone else loving this?
- Big time. - Woo-hoo!
Settle down, kids.
Nap time.
But I am not feeling the tired.
Emergency!
[screaming]
Well, I hardly think this qualifies--
- Ah! - Boosh!
Ducklings: Aw!
Okay, the magic seems to be coming from
the little round penguin's face.
Uh-oh.
The Skipper one has spotted me.
What's he doing?
He's pointing this way and saying something
that looks like "emergency."
Boosh!
Aw.
Boys, this quantum hypercute weapon
is the dawn of a brand-new day.
Skipper, I'm really not comfortable with--
Speaking of day,
I'm pretty sure the zoo's now open.
Shouldn't we be in stealth mode?
Why?
- [gasps] - Emergency!
Ah!
Boosh!
Skipper--
If we can hold the monopoly on this adorable technique--
emergency!
Ah! Boosh!
We could completely eliminate the zoo crime rate in--
emergency!
Ah! Boosh!
[grunts]
Less than six months, tops.
- Skipper, I need to talk to-- - Hey, guys.
Guys, you'll never believe what I just saw over in the--
Emergency!
Ah! Boosh!
Aw.
What? How is Marlene an emergency?
Private, I can smell a boring anecdote from 1.6 clicks away.
B-b-but that's just--
Ha-ha!
This is how I laugh in triumph
because I have puzzled out your wizarding trickery.
It's the cute one, right?
Guess what.
We have one of those guys too.
Face race! Ready?
Now, Mort!
Magic their faces with tiny cuteness!
[straining]
You call that cute?
I've sneezed out cuter things than that.
They're closing the cuteness gap, Skipper.
Emergency!
Emergency.
Emergency!
- No. - What?
I won't do it.
Not now, not ever again.
[both gasp]
This is insubordination, soldier.
You really want this weapon to fall into the wrong hands?
Don't you see, Skipper?
We are the wrong hands.
Huh?
We're already dropping
the quantum hypercute on our own friends.
The world's flipped topsy-turvy, and I'm the flipper.
Gotcha!
[grunting]
- Private, slap yourself. - No.
[growls]
I can't even keep them in their habitat anymore.
I'm telling you, these birds need to be in higher security.
I'm calling Hoboken.
[gasps]
Monster!
You can't take them? Really?
Well, what do you suggest?
There's a supermax zoo?
Coboken?
Oh, Copenhagen.
Denmark!
Hey, let me round up some shipping crates.
Private, if ever a crisis called for cute force,
this is that crisis.
No, I swore I'd never use my adorability as a weapon again,
and I meant it.
Then you leave me no choice.
Kowalski, you too?
I thought you agreed this was a dangerous weapon.
Which is the best kind!
What good is a safe weapon?
He has a point.
Now, are you gonna use your quantum cute on Alice,
or do you want Rico to get cute on you?
[sputtering]
Neither.
Oof!
Engage blocky hamster ball pursuit!
[all grunting]
Kowalski, left flank.
Box him in and-- oof!
Submit, Private!
It's the only way!
Never.
You've taken something wonderful
and twisted it to your own selfish ends.
Denmark, Private.
You know why I can't go back there.
No, I don't.
You never told me.
Oh, my gosh!
Look at the penguins.
They're like little penguin hamster balls.
That's the cutest thing I've ever seen.
- They think they're people. - Aw.
Never seen anything cuter in my whole life.
You!
I don't know how you got out again,
but I've got a one-way crate to Copenhagen
with your names on it.
- Boo! - Come on!
That doesn't even make any sense!
You can't take the penguins!
Fine.
We'll keep the maniacs.
Bah, whatever.
[all cheering]
Eh? Eh?
Can't believe it.
We weren't even trying.
Never underestimate the simple power
of penguin irresistibility.
[sighs] You win, Private.
I guess you can put the quantum hypercute out of commission.
Done.
And may its intoxicating preciousness
never be seen again.
[grunting and straining]
Anything yet?
Well, I'm feeling kind of queasy.
[squeaks]
Oh, I cuted!
And if you refer to visual aid number 422/B,
you can plainly see another critical operation
being compromised by a certain group of zoo animals
who shall remain nameless.
Lemurs. [coughs]
It's the lemurs.
And so I would like to formally make a motion
that these certain unspecified zoo animals--
- [coughing] - Lemurs.
- Totally the lemurs.
Be banned from obstructing any and all
future penguin operations.
Wait!
I motion to interrupt your motioning
so that you can see my own visualizing aids
which clearly show that it was actually a certain other group
of zoo animals-- I'm not naming any names here--
[coughs] Penguins.
He means penguins.
That were compromising a raging Conga skate party.
Uh, yeah. Hi.
Is it absolutely necessary
that you two have the same exact argument
at every single meeting?
There must be some way the two of you can just work it out.
That's exactly what I'm doing
by officially making a motion
that these certain unspecified animals...
- [coughing] - Lemurs,
King Julien and the lemurs.
Be declared a hazard.
And I am making my own motions,
motioning that you be officially declared
the least fun person ever.
Well, I motion that you be declared unfit
to call yourself a leader.
And I motion that you are the one who is unfit,
and therefore you must commence the shutting of your beak-hole.
And I motion that you wouldn't last a single day
running my squad.
I motion that you admit that you would not last
even one single day as king.
All in favor of Skipper and King Julien
trading places for one day
and thus each gaining a greater mutual respect,
learning to appreciate each other,
blah blah blah, so on and so forth,
say aye.
all: Aye!
Very well. The motion carries.
Meeting adjourned.
Wait, what motion?
Zoo people say what?
Maurice, Mort,
I command you to obey this smelly water bird
as your king for the next 24 hours.
Uh, okay.
Or at least until he comes crying to me
for help like a little baby.
Goo-goo.
Men,
Ringtail is your commanding officer now.
I expect you to obey his every command for the next day...
Aye, aye, our once and future Skipper.
Or until the humiliation of failure causes him to crack,
in which case, mutiny is the obvious and welcome choice.
[spits and growls]
[whistles]
Good luck trying to be king.
You are going to be needing it.
Luck is for leprechauns, Ringtail.
Good morning, commander Julien, sir.
Breakfast is served.
Ugh.
Uh, you're kidding, right?
I mean, this is some kind of army joke, right?
You are playing army funnies on the new guy, right?
Delicious and nutritious,
with just a tangy hint of mercury.
Fish!
Give it a try, king ju-- Commander Julien, sir.
You might like it.
Well, maybe just one tiny--ugh!
[screams]
It's on my tongue!
Get it off my tongue!
Get it off!
[zapping]
[sparking]
[screams]
Huh. That's funny.
Skipper eats four of those every morning.
Oh, that is funny.
And do you know why?
Because any real leader guy would have five.
Serve them up.
Fish!
Yeah, that's right.
Keep 'em coming,
and don't be stingy with the--
[yelling]
Get the smell off my tongue!
Please get it off!
Get it off!
Attention, lemurs.
Fall in.
Maurice, report.
Uh, report?
Report on what?
Everything.
Give me mission status briefings
for all of your current lemur operations.
Lemur what?
We don't really do that here, King Skipper, sir.
What does King Julien usually do
the first thing in the morning?
Well, we would probably just be having breakfast.
Perfect.
Operation break the fast has officially commenced.
Maurice, options.
Fruit or fruit smoothie.
Or mango!
- Which is also fruit. - Oh.
And that pretty much concludes the complete tour
of the H.Q. facility, King Julien, sir.
Except, of course, the classified security areas.
Classified areas, you are saying?
As in tippy-top secret areas?
What?
Skipper said he was our commander.
Yes,
and my first command is to command you
to take me to these tippy-top secret places.
The elevator can be accessed through that control panel.
Ooh, buttons.
No, wait! Not those!
Stop!
Those buttons control--
[thump]
Anti-intruder measures--
[thump]
And booby traps.
[screaming and yelling]
Eh, this one's kind of sticking.
[muttering]
[blasting]
Oh!
[zapping]
[ding]
Yeah, there we go.
That's what I'm talking about.
You see that a bird Skipper
isn't doing nearly as bang-up a job
at being me as I am at being him.
Now what should I be doing?
Well, King Julien would probably just be plopped
on his throne by now.
That's it. I need action.
There must be something Ringtail does that I could do better.
Feet!
Webbed. Oh, that's new.
This is when king Julien would kick him off.
Seems cruel and excessive.
Oh, yeah.
One time, he kicked him to Burt's place.
The pachyderm habitat?
Weak.
I bet I could hit 63rd and Lex.
Watch this.
[yells]
Whee!
[crash and car alarm wailing]
My car!
[whistles]
My kingly self is in the zone.
The high-security sections are broken down
into subterranean levels 1 through 12.
[ding]
Hm.
[ding]
- [warbling] - Very nice.
[ding]
Ay-yi-yi.
Which of the levels would be the most tippy-toppy secret then?
Would it be 11? No, 12, right?
Yup.
Except, of course, for hidden level 13.
- But that's so secret even-- - Close it!
What?
He's in charge now.
Ding!
[gasps]
Those are my untested inventions!
Don't touch anything!
Oh, toys!
[coughs] Good job, Private.
Hey, Mason.
So any buzz on how the old Swaparoo's working out?
Hmm, I say--
Hold that thought.
I smell it...
like a sugar wind.
Could it be...
it is!
It's cotton candy!
It's cotton candy in the park, okay?
I saw it, I smelled it, and I want it.
We need to get Skipper on it right away.
Yes, that might be a bit of a problem.
Check out the booty!
Who's shaking?
Who's quaking?
Who is not faking?
Wow.
What is that?
No school?
'cause it ain't old school,
and it ain't new school.
But look what I found in your
top-secret-even-you-don't-know- it's-down-there level 13.
Freaky secret thingy!
It's my sonic subparticle velocitizer,
and it's not a toy!
all: Whoa!
Oh, really?
Then why is it so much fun then?
You let him on level 13?
And I used your toothbrush.
[thwack]
All right, stop. Enough!
Skipper, you have got a big, important mission.
I do?
Yes! The cotton candy man is coming!
Me?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm king of the lemurs.
I think you need to see the penguin C.O. over there.
Ha!
Do I look as cool as I feel with this thing?
Be honest.
Please?
It's cotton-- it's cotton candy.
Well, sure.
All Ringtail has to do is admit
that he is in no way leader material.
In your dreams, flipper boy.
I shall lead this cotton candy mission myself.
Come on, boys.
[laughing] I'm not seeing
a lot of pink, sugary goodness in your future.
Maybe not, but if he does pull it off,
that'll make him a successful Skipper.
As king of the lemurs,
I decree that ain't gonna happen.
The sugar express is about to leave the station.
Mort, you're on lookout.
Maurice, I need you to go bypass the electric circuit.
I have no idea what you just said.
He's crazy.
It's no good. I need--
Kowalski, Private, Rico!
Well, yes, but--
No, I mean, here they come!
With King Julien!
And they're on...
pogo sticks?
Look out!
Pogo sticks?
Why pogo sticks?
I told him he could ask for options.
[grunts]
Uh-oh.
[screaming]
Skipper! The wall!
Kowalski, more options!
The velocitizer!
Here, mort.
Prepare for the kicking.
Let Skipper.
Hi-ya!
[giggling]
Whaaaaaa!
Huh?
Wha?
[yelps]
[dramatic music]
[all cheering]
[gulps]
[all yelling]
You actually did it, Ringtail.
Me? What about that kingly kick?
I would say that you did it.
You know, maybe there's something
to this whole kooky role reversal.
And I motion that we officially ban you
from leaving your habitat between the hours of--
And I am motioning that we officially ban your face!
Or, you know, maybe not.