[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
Hit it. ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
♪ Hey-oh yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[percussive music]
♪ ♪
[crate creaking]
Just set it over there.
[rope zipping]
Gentlemen, place your bets.
Hmm.
Mammal-sized crate.
Made of Spanish cedar.
I'd wager the new arrival is an anteater.
Pla! Pla! Platypus! Platypus!
Perhaps it's a magical unicorn.
You know, if they were-- if they were real.
All right, let's crack this.
- [retching] - [crate creaking]
And the newest resident of our fair zoo is...
Ohhh, no, not another one.
[door slamming]
Oh! Oh, man.
My bum knee is killing me.
Ohhhh, yeah.
This is what I'm talkin' about, some restin' and relaxin'.
Maurice, where are you?!
Coming! [coughing]
Hurry, Maurice, hurry! Crisis, an event emergency!
- Wha--what is it? - I cannot reach my...
coconut juicy drink!
[gasping]
Well, your king is waiting.
[drink sloshing]
That will be all.
Ehh, you know what?
I've changed my mind. [chuckling]
Not really feeling coconut-y.
Ugh!
[coughing]
But you know what I could really go for right now?
Pineapple?
Yes, you guessed it!
And let's not let this get out of control this time.
Okay, Maurice? [gasping]
[intense trumpet music]
Lemur's time is short, so we'll make this brief.
Kowalski, brief them briefly.
A new arrival was delivered to the loading dock
- at 06:00 and is-- - It's a lemur!
I was building to that, private.
- A new lemur? - Here?
Another subject for me to rule over?
Yeah, babies!
"The more booties the merrier for the shaking,"
I always say.
Well, not always, but, you know, now.
We may have to assume the worst.
Back to the loading dock, boys.
What would be the worst, Skipper?
We could be looking at a lemur invasion.
Here you go, Clemson.
Time to socialize into your new colony.
[whooshing sounds]
Hello, uh--Clemson, was it?
Clemson, as your king, I royally command you--
King? Did he say "king"?
Uh, forgive me, sire.
I had no idea that I was in the presence of you,
which is royalty, true royalty, if I may.
- [kissing sounds] - My feet!
This is a little bit weird.
Clemson, that's no king.
- Aye! - You... you!
You clearly have the wizened--
which is good, that means wise--
and noble features of a true--
- Ahem. - Huh?
Note the crown.
A thousand pardons, your illustrious--
I hate the bowing part, by the way.
I have to be honest. But I'm doing it!
In fact, make it 2,000 pard-- you know what?
2,500 pardons.
That's the best I can offer.
You--and you are the illustrious and esteemed king.
I'll just stay down here till I can get--
Ooh, fancy!
Your words are like butter to my ears.
You got to be kidding me.
Uh-ing, I'm sorry.
Let me get that for you.
Permit me, if I may, and if you may.
[laughing]
Ding!
[moaning in pleasure]
Ohhhh, yeah, that's the stuff!
[wails]
Right there, yeah.
Whoa-ho-ho, someone's been hitting the gym.
[growling]
[laughing]
[indistinct speech]
Oh, your shoulders are like granite.
Oooh, relax, relax.
It's the royal responsibilities weighing you down.
- Am I right? - [back cracking]
Think that I am liking this Clemson already.
- Ehhhh. - [slurping]
I'm thinking I like this Clemson too.
- What do you think, boy? - Oh yeah, get that.
Right there? Yeah. In between the toes, yeah.
No!
He's eee-evil.
Hey, Maurice?
We have a serious discussion that needs discussing.
Maurice, as I was explaining
to our wise and magnetically charismatic leader--
no, really! I mean, he's unbelievable.
I thank you for noticing, Clemson.
That while a king may have many subjects,
he can really only have one true right-hand man.
Hey, look where I am!
Otherwise, the other would have to be the left-hand man
or maybe the right foot or the left elbow...
or maybe--
the point is, I'm going to decide
on a most difficult gangly decision.
Clemson can have it.
While you are both my loyal subjects,
I'm sorry to say I can only choose one of you.
- Just pick Clemson. - And since I know how much
this position is meaning to you, Maurice...
Clemson's your man!
I want to choose the fairest way
to decide between between--
Better give it to Clemson, don't you think?
And you had better let the king tell you
how he is going to decide
on what the king will decide on, okay?!
Sorry, go ahead.
[exhaling]
We'll hold a contests
with you competing in a competitive competition
to prove who can best serve the king.
Royal booty scratching!
On your mark...
get set...
go.
[scratching]
[laughing]
Go, go! Scratch at my booty!
[grumbling]
Oh, Clemson!
Your skills are the sickest!
Sorry, Maurice, but, uh, it kind of looks like
Clemson here is the one best fitting
to be my right-hand man.
Oh, well, there can only be one right-hand man.
[snoring]
Just like there can only be one king.
[pencil scratching]
Rico, take point. Private, watch his six.
Kowalski, don't fire till you see the rings of their tails.
Hmm, nothing today,
but it looks like an outgoing crate has been prepped.
No animal has been specified yet,
but there is a destination tag.
I'd recognize that code anywhere.
It's the--it's--
the Hoboken zoo.
Did you say hobo-bo-- ho-bo-bo-bo-ho-baaaa!
- No! - You don't mean--
Some poor sap has a one-way ticket
to North Jersey oblivion.
[thunder crashing]
[whining]
- Huh, Mort? - It's Clemson.
He's eeeevil.
Oh, no. Just let me get some peace--
hey!
You've really outdone yourself this time, haven't you?
[cackling]
Moved up the ranks to the number two spot
in record time, even for me.
This is better than I've ever been.
And tomorrow, all you need to do
is get booty-for-brains out of the way.
Then you'll be number one!
That's right, number one!
[laughing]
That means the king. [laughing]
[thunder clapping]
Didn't look like rain. [laughing]
Skipper, there's nothing about anyone
getting transferred to Hoboken.
Judging from the size of the crate,
I think we can rule out Roy and Bert.
Right, so that leaves the otter, the chimps,
lemurs, chameleons, and, uh--
And, of course... us.
I've rotted away in gulags, work camps, penal colonies,
and every dirty flea-bitten corner of creation,
but I promised myself that I would never end up in Hoboken,
at least not alive!
I will pluck out my own eyeballs,
I swear to you!
Skipper, there's something wrong with that Clemson dude.
Well, mostly he's eeeeeeevil!
So the new guy was trying on ringtail's crown.
Big whoop.
That doesn't prove that he's evil.
Trust me, Mort is right.
He said something about getting rid of King Julien tomorrow.
- To who? - Himself!
Hmm.
Scheming aloud,
that does sound like a classic villain quirk.
Well, how 'bout an evil laugh?
Did he start off his whole speech with something like,
[laughing maniacally]
You know, like-- like something like that?
Yeah, yeah!
I mean, there was a laugh for sure,
but he closed with it.
And it was more like
muah-ha-ha ha ha ha hwa!
You know, something like that.
That does sound authentically evil.
Come on, boys. Move out.
Uh, so where is this fancy-shmancy
royal-dancy special present you are giving to me?
In there, your eminence. Keep going.
No, you're going the-- just a little more...
We're too late!
[squeaking]
Quick, where would a psychotic mad mammal
take ringtail to dispose of him without a trace?
- Rico? - Here?
Administration building incinerator?
Here.
Dung heap behind the elephant habitat.
- Here's nice. - Deep fryer at the cafeteria.
Yeah! [imitates sizzling]
No, it would have to be
something he planned ahead of time,
something he had ready the minute--
Skipper, the crate,
the one going to the Hoboken zoo!
Hoboken.
I am seeing only darkness.
That's why it's a surprise.
Now, keep going, keep going, keep going!
I think you've gone far enough!
Maurice, how dare you interrupt Clemson
when he was about to give me very special present?
The present he's trying to give you, ringtail,
is a one-way ticket to the Hoboken zoo.
Oh-ho-ho.
What's the resale value?
King Julien, Clemson's trying to get rid of you.
[groaning] He's eeeevil!
And why should I trust you now
when I have my loyal and trusted new...
[laughing maniacally]
Right-hand man?
Uh, did he always have that evil laugh thing,
or is that new? What?
[engine rumbling] all: Ooooh!
Silly king.
I'm sorry. Ex-king.
[laughing] Whoa!
- [gasping] - [lid slamming]
[nails shooting]
Ahh, come on!
[engine starting]
[door slams]
He was eeevil.
Yes.
Yes, he was.
He and Hoboken deserve each other.
You know, you can feel free to thank me at any time.
Uh, no thanks.
I'm good with just leaving it as one of those, you know,
unspoken things between us.
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
[birds chirping]
Stinky, disgusting, filthy-- ugh!
Bon appetit!
Ugh!
Can't wait till the automated feeder arrives.
That makes two of us, sister.
Poor Alice doesn't get much satisfaction from her work.
Let's not empathize with the zookeeper, private.
Dulls your edge.
[rumbling] both: hmm?
[wailing]
Kowalski, are you okay?
[coughing] Yeah, yeah, I'm fine,
but my cold fusion beverage chiller
is about to obliterate every living creature
- within a five-mile radius. - Splendid.
Another one of your inventions endangers us all.
Rico, terminate Kowalski's latest disaster.
[retching]
If only I could boost my brainpower
from super genius to super mega-genius.
- [loud explosion] - Gosh, Kowalski,
I think your brainpower's already tip-top.
You also think there's a little man in the fridge
- who turns the light on and off. - One day I'll catch him.
No, my brain must be better, and it will be.
I will be the-- day-gaaa!
- Ow! - Not off to a great start.
[beakers bubbling]
[dishes clanking]
[gulping]
[feedback whining]
[electricity surging]
[laughing maniacally]
I did it. I've supercharged my brain!
Hey, new noggin?
Good on you.
It's quite, uh, bulbous.
Isn't it? All I had to do
was irradiate massive quantities
of omega-3 fatty acids then add--
[chewing noisily]
Why am I even bothering?
All you tiny-brain folk need to know
is I am now the smartest penguin on earth!
Weren't you already that?
Well, yeah.
But I am way smarter now.
I can do anything,
cure the common cold, solve string theory,
calculate pi to the millionth digit.
Yay, pie!
Well, if anybody needs me,
I'll be pushing the envelope of fluid structural dynamics
in mode-coupled regenerative machines.
- Pie? - Sorry, Rico. No pie.
But it is almost lunch time.
Yay!
- What is the chow hold-up? - Feast!
I am a bit peckish, Skipper. Where is Alice?
"The automated animal feed distribution system takes
the hassle and mess out of"-- blah, blah, blah.
Let's just fire this baby up.
[machine beeping]
Ohhh!
Huh?
Ugh!
Look, Maurice.
The sky spirits are giving to us a fruitius bounty!
Huh? Ooooh!
I got it! I got it, I--oh!
Yes!
I'll never have to schlep food to these lazy animals again.
Ooooh, looks like Alice got herself some heavy artillery.
Nice.
- Huh? - Well, that's not all, is it?
She can't expect us to share just one fish.
Did you miss the word "share"?
[rumbling]
[wailing]
Kowalski.
I thought your big new noggin was gonna prevent
these kinds of shenanigans.
Did your cold fusion beverage chiller go wrong again?
No, it worked perfectly,
along with the nuclear-powered bagel toaster,
the positronic tongue cleaner, and the subatomic nail trimmer.
So this was, uh...
- Ultrasonic earwax recycler. - Ewww!
I don't understand it.
My calculations were flawless.
I--ohhh, oh--forgot to convert from metric.
But how--
how did I make such a stupid mistake?
With my heightened--
der!
You know...
intelligence stuff, I should be more gooder...
at... [shuddering]
The thinking thing.
- Um, Kowalski... - Huh.
That sounded kind of not so smartery.
Yaaaaaaah!
You don't suppose that...
whooooos-a-dingit thing I did with my brain
was just tempor-- [stammering]
- Temporary? - Uh-huh! That one.
I like peanuts, and I like butter,
but I do not like peanut butter.
Weird.
Something's gone horribly wrong with Kowalski's brain.
Private, until we resolve this, you're my new options guy.
- Oh, man. - Yay!
Now, how do we fix Kowalski?
- Options. - Oh! Um...
uh...
ask Kowalski?
Rico, you're my new options man.
How do we fix Kowalski?
Bing!
Fine, we go with the private's plan.
Kowalski, concentrate real hard.
How do we help you?
Eggs...
are...
egg-shaped.
[laughing]
- That's funny. - Oh, boy.
So we're stuck with a stupid Kowalski.
Well, maybe it's a good thing.
I mean, we were all gettin' tired
of his big highfalutin words like "recalcitrant," right?
I mean, what is that?
Recalcitrant?
Do I look recalcitrant to you?
- Mm-hmm. - Oh, yeah!
Up high.
- But Skipper-- - No buts, private.
I've had it with your buts.
[snickering] Butts.
Let's concentrate on what we can fix,
starting with our grub situation.
Operation fish fry is a--
how did you even manage that?
Can't hear you!
Toilet stick on face!
[engine rumbling]
Seafood truck approaching.
Check. I see it too.
I want those tires flatter than a flounder.
Right, deploying thumb tacks.
Um... anyone seen the thumb tacks?
- Um, hey. - Hmm?
Oh!
Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!
[engine rumbling]
[light buzzes]
Truck in position.
[retches]
[stone shatters]
[cord buzzing]
Well done, men.
Look--whoa, look out!
Last chance. Private, distract the driver.
Rico, neutralize the lock.
- Kowalski... - [grunting]
You keep doing whatever it is you're doing, I guess.
Aye-aye, Skipper!
Ohhh!
[grunting]
You think you're so smart!
[grunting]
[rumbling]
Boys, do you smell what I smell?
[sniffing] Mm, mmmm.
This situation is not sustainable.
Yes, I want the old Kowalski back.
Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, that too.
I was talking about our lack of lunch.
[stomach rumbling]
Oooh.
It's that blasted feed system,
squeezing the ever-loving life out of us.
I'm wasting away to nothing!
Now, now, Skipper, not quite.
I mean, you've still got a bit of spare tire, don't you?
And some, uh--some more on top of--
[laughing] Gosh, you're thin.
We've got to slap that contraption into shape.
Yay, a missio--
- [water splashing] - [gurgling]
I forgot how to-- [gurgling]
Swim!
You're an aquatic bird, Kowalski!
I'm a beaver?
Rico, go diving for dummies.
[water splashing]
Ugh!
I want a bungle-free operation.
Uh, Kowalski, you're on line duty.
I want you to follow this line.
Now, don't stop until you reach the end.
Do you comprende?
Do you understand-ay?
I'm on it, Skipper!
Follow the line, follow the line,
follow the line,
follow the line.
Follow the--whoa, look out!
Ahhh! I've lost the line!
Where is the line?
You just crossed it, buddy boy.
[wailing]
Ugh!
[machine beeping]
One fish? Ridiculous!
Let's slap a zero on that bad boy.
[machine beeping]
Ten fish? Well done, Skipper!
Mmm, good,
but it's missing a little something.
Ooh, I know.
- [machine beeping] - [all cheering]
Just got to let these computers know who's boss.
Ugh!
I was in a tree.
Listen to me, com-pu-ter.
I am the boss!
[laughing]
Hey, guys, I added eleventeen zeros.
I--oy!
[wails]
Aghh! Ugh! Ah!
No, no, I do not want penguin for lunch.
Gives me the gases.
Perhaps another waterbird.
Uh, is the beaver fresh today?
Nothing personal. You understand.
Aigh! Ugh.
[gasps]
Line, I found you!
Ah, boys, it won't be long
before we're hip-deep in halibut.
Oh, Skipper!
I lost the line for a while, but I found it again!
Hey, ow!
Hey!
Hey, hey! It's raining fish.
Ow, my head.
Skipper, I think that might be more than 100 fish.
Help! I forgot how to swim in fish!
Kowalski!
[sniffing]
Hmm, fish?
Yep, that's fish.
Mmm, I like fish.
They taste nummy...
and they have googly eyes...
and they travel in schools.
Schools. That's 'cause they're so smart.
No, that's not right.
Fish are stupid, but--
eureka!
Oh, the brain is back, baby!
Kowalski, are you smart again?
Or at least less stupid?
Do alkaline earth metals have a plus two charge?
He's back.
But how did you restore your beautiful mind?
- Fish are brain food. - Brain food?
Yes, you see fish are rich in omega-3 fatty acids,
like eicosapentaenoic acid,
and its brainy buddy, docosahexaenoic acid.
Boring!
It sure is nice to have the old Kowalski back.
[loud explosion]
It sure is, young private.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪