[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh - Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[ominous didgeridoo music]
Men, no training tonight.
It's game night.
Trivia. Let's play trivia.
I dominate trivia.
Oh. Can we play Simon says this week?
Yes. Simon says we play trivia.
Dreamy date. Dreamy date.
No, no, no, men.
We're not playing any of those
admittedly delightful amusements.
We're playing... hot potato.
[all screaming]
Eenie...
meenie...
miney... Rico.
[babbling nonsensically]
[panting]
[sighs]
Here you go.
Oh, come on!
Okay, think, Kowalski. Think.
Oh, Private?
Private, where are you?
[whimpers]
I don't have the bomb.
I just want to share your hiding space.
[whimpering]
And, also, your lunacorn fan club kit just arrived.
With the rainbow-scented mouse pad?
- No give-backs. - Gah!
Hot potato.
[explosion]
Oh, dear.
Hot potato?
Is that what you maniacs call destroying someone's home?
No, but in certain parts of Mongolia
destroying someone's yurt is called "tepid yam."
I wanted to play trivia.
Leonard, it was a freak accident.
The odds of your habitat incurring damage were...
what were they again, Kowalski?
- Uh, one in three. - Right.
I think we can all agree, that was a risk worth taking.
Leave me alone.
I'm sure the zoo will have this hole patched up in no time.
You'll see.
[sniffing] Damage is structural.
I must knock down whole habitat. Start fresh.
Big job.
Nuts.
I'll have to move the koala somewhere in the meantime.
Maybe he'd get along with the kangaroo.
I mean, they're both from Austria.
You mean Australia, ya?
There's a difference?
Leonard and Joey together?
Ay-yi-yi.
I calculate the odds of Leonard surviving that scenario
at 100%.
Really?
No, wait, I was holding it upside down.
That's 0% with an exclamation point.
[groans] Somehow I feel this is partially our fault.
It's entirely our fault.
Let's not point fingers we don't have, Private.
Anywho, we better smooth this over with the hoppy marsupial.
Listen up, Joey, Boopie,
we've got some new-- ooh!
Flee!
Oh!
[screaming]
Oh!
- Joey don't like visitors. - Um...
then I don't imagine you'd fancy a--[gulps]-- roommate?
A roommate?
[shudders]
Yeah, that might be a fair go.
Is that a yes?
Sure. It gets lonely being the only 'roo in the zoo.
So who is this Sheila?
- Sheila? - Yeah, you know, girl.
Joey's got a hungry heart, just like everyone else.
Um, well, it's not quite a Sheila.
Ooh!
[groaning]
Hurry. Hurry.
I do not want to miss a moment of the melee in midtown.
The hostility in the habitat.
The big to-do in the...
zoo.
[giggling]
Joey, this is Leonard.
Leonard, Joey.
What are you birds trying to pull?
That's no Sheila.
That's not even a kangaroo.
Leonard is a koala.
And I don't care what he is.
He's not staying here.
Now get out before I throw you out.
Blimey. I think this bloke's kicked.
No, he's not.
He's... nocturnal.
He sleeps all day.
Therefore, with your divergent sleeping schedules,
you're interaction will be kept at an absolute minimum.
See, you'll hardly even know he's here.
Heck, you can even use him as a footstool if you want.
Huh.
Well, maybe this will work after all.
Fantastic.
We can wash our hands of this whole mess.
Roll out, men.
Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all.
Ugh, I'm glad we didn't pay top dollar for ringside seats.
[yawning]
What a day.
I slept like a little--
[screams]
Who are you? What are you?
Stay away. I have claws.
Granted, they're mostly for climbing.
But I'm clever.
I bet I could figure out how to use them for self-defense.
Calm down, you agro-fuzzer.
I'm your temporary habitat-mate.
Well, that's, uh, swell.
I'm gonna go chew some eucalyptus.
Want some?
Listen, I don't want us to hang about.
I don't want us to be pals.
I just want some sleep.
Oh, okay.
See you in the morning.
[bagpipes blaring]
Huh?
What the?
[music stops]
[grumbles]
What?
[snoring]
Oi, mate!
That's me bouncing ball.
[quirky circus music]
- [ball pops] - Blimey.
What was that?
Sorry.
My claws must've popped it.
My ball.
It was my favorite possession.
I loved this ball.
Well, technically, you still have the ball,
just not the air inside.
Nice idea with the habitat warming gift, Skipper.
But are you sure they like fish?
- Fish! - Everybody likes fish, Private.
♪ Fish ♪
Actually, kangaroos are herbivores,
and koalas eat only eucalyptus leaves.
I gotta do something with all this trivia.
Help! Somebody, save me!
Ditch the gift.
Let's roll.
Rico.
Aww, come on.
I can't hold on much longer.
[grunting]
Rico, springs.
Please help.
Anybody.
Gotcha.
Anybody but the penguins.
No penguins!
Huh? No!
Relax, nocturnal marsupial.
You're safe now.
Not so high. Not so fast.
Don't tell me you're afraid of heights.
No.
I'm getting motion sickness.
- [vomits] - Eww.
Well, it lasted longer than I thought it would.
Why are you penguins trying to ruin my life?
I was perfectly fine until you blew up my home.
Were you, Leonard?
Really?
Or were you a sad, lonely shell of a beast?
Yes.
And I was happy that way.
[thuds]
I'm gonna clobber you
until your ivories make like a necklace.
Retreat!
Hurry. Hurry.
It is so on.
The sewer?
Ah, no, sorry.
Do you know what's down there?
Ah!
Oh, you think Joey's afraid to get his paws dirty, do ya?
Ugh!
This event was so over-hyped.
Oi!
Me backside's all bogged.
Oh, not so tough now, are you, big guy?
Leonard, hightail it.
And what's with the referring to yourself in the third person?
"Oi, Joey's gonna say something loud and stupid."
Do you ever listen to your words?
Typical kangaroo!
Leonard!
You can take the boy out of the outback...
Now!
But you can't take the back out of the boy's... back.
Something like that. Give me a minute.
I'll get it.
"You can take the outback out of the out..."
- [thuds] - Ugh!
Joey thinks he's been insulted,
and Joey don't like that.
See! The third-person thing.
Oof!
[squeaks]
- He's gone. - Curious.
I wouldn't think a mammal that large could be so stealthy.
Maybe he turned around and went back--
Ah!
It's not my fault he can't handle honesty.
Rico, 40 weight.
Gotcha.
[retches]
- Ah! - Ah!
Keep running, and don't stop,
no matter how disturbing the sounds.
I'm running. I'm running.
Hi-ya!
Oi.
Knock it off, mate.
Give it up.
I can do this all day.
Uh!
Good one.
Didn't see that coming.
Ugh.
Oh, no. No, no.
No!
End of the line, fuzz-lump.
Don't hurt me.
It's not my fault.
It's those penguins.
Penguins didn't pop my ball.
True, but if they hadn't wrecked my home,
I wouldn't have been in yours,
and your ball would still be fine.
It's straight logic.
Oh.
You might have a point there.
Ugh. We're too late.
Avert your eyes, young Private.
You'll never be able to un-see this.
Don't worry about it.
I'll burn you a DVD.
Skipper, wait.
Look.
They're becoming friends.
Okay, this lack of violence is senseless.
If they'd just stop butting into other people's lives,
we'd be fine.
You're right about that, mate.
Bunch of sticky beaks, those birds.
Which one annoys you more?
The touchy-feely one or the egghead?
It's the vomity bloke that gets me chuckin' wobblies.
Right.
It's like, hello?
Sanitary hygiene anyone?
Mission accomplished, boys.
But, Skipper, I feel terrible.
The only reason they're friends is because they hate us.
Right.
Now they have something in common.
I call that a win.
Now let's ditch this sewer hole and have a game night.
- Dreamy date! - Did you know that dreamy date
is the 75th most popular board game ever?
Well, you would if you'd play trivia
just one stinking time!
Nice try, Kowalski, but we're going with Rico's game.
- All right! - Shwoo.
It's a lot safer than the last game we played.
Oh, you mean--hot potato?
[explosion]
I love that game. [laughs]
[raucous punk music]
[snoring]
All clear at station Alpha.
Alice is in her office napping.
Or swallowing a family of piglets.
Let's hear surveillance station Delta.
[spry orchestral music]
Seems officer "X" is enjoying a quiet evening
of classical music.
Two "all clears."
Mark 'em, boys.
Leprechaun--fzz!--avocado.
Kowalski, status report.
I've got a short in station Zeta.
Station Zeta?
That's the sewer rats.
Mud slide--fzz!--no escape.
Ahh! We lost Zeta.
Leprechaun, avocado, mud slide, no escape?
What's that about?
Cryptic, with a chance of terrifying.
I need more intel.
But, Skipper, the bug is dead.
Then somebody's going inside, incognito.
Kowalski, who's our most rat-like operative?
[grunting quietly]
[gasps] I am not.
Calculating.
And none of us.
Oh, I can't make the bird-to-rat math work.
Curse our avian good looks.
What we need is a small mammal with a long tail
and an annoyingly high-pitched voice.
I call my tail Rodney.
You want Mort to go undercover?
Our Mort?
[laughing] Stop that, Rodney.
I got a "nuh" and a double "uh-uh"
that spells "no way."
If anyone is to be undercover spy acting, it is the king.
I got, like, meleven different characters; check it out:
[clears throat] Jim Dandy Butterscotch.
I am the Kentucky colonel.
Or say hellos to the wealthy heiress.
Darling, we must summer at the fancy boating club.
[giggles]
Right. Sad Eyes it is.
Hooray! I guess.
Fine.
But this Mort--pah!
He is no rat.
I'll be in my dressing room.
Oh, he will be.
[beeps]
[giggling]
Testing, testing.
[trimmer buzzing]
Ah!
Ta-da.
Since when do you have a birthmark?
- That? It's just-- - What?
A spy acting job and now a birthy-mark, too?
Why in the how come does Mort
get to be spoiled with everything?
Maurice, dramatic sigh pillow position.
[grumbling]
To the left. To the left.
[sighs dramatically]
Solid disguise.
Now let's complete the illusion.
Kowalski, cover story, ASAP.
You are now Ben Goudasniffer.
Born in the sewers, but raised by the cave-dwelling wood rats
of the Alleghenies, the years of total darkness
leading to your comically oversized eyes
and a burning desire to seek out your long-lost sewer brothers.
Any questions?
Is purple a vegetable?
Yeah, I can't work with this.
Forget the cloak and dagger mumbo-jumbo.
There's the one thing you need to remember:
be the rat.
Touch the feet.
Be the rat.
Bird is funny.
Be the rat.
Banana.
- Be the rat! - Be the rat?
[sniffing] I smell cheese.
Boys, we've got our inside man.
Now, you should be approaching the entrance
to the rats' territory.
Remember, you're there to listen.
Been a long time comin'.
Play it cool, like the night wind.
You know what to do.
Be the rat. Be the rat. Be the rat.
Hello.
I'm being the rat.
Ay-yi-yi.
Pipe down, dude.
We're trying to pick some sweet carpeting here.
Okay, leprechaun is too green,
avocado clashes with the sewage,
so we go with mud slide brown.
I still like midnight escape.
I said no escape.
So "leprechaun avocado mud slide no escape"
was all just carpet colors?
Yes, of course.
And let's all be glad this floor-covering crisis is over.
Good job.
Agent Sad Eyes, return to base.
Hey, what's that red ring on the new guy's tail?
Oh, that? It's just--
Grab him!
Bug out, Sad Eyes.
Move, man, move.
[flatlining]
Sad Eyes!
What do we do, skipper?
Boys, this undercover op just became a rescue op.
And it's time for an old pro to step in.
Now is the job for Kentucky Colonel Julien.
What? Too much finger moustache?
Kowalski, bring me my alias portfolio.
'Ello, Guv'na.
Huh? Who goes there?
Two-bit hood Jack the knife, at yer service.
I hear you blokes had a spot of trouble with a lemur spy.
I ain't seen any spies around here.
Really? Then what happened to--
Glory be, y'all.
I hear you got a tiny annoying lemur down here.
Ringtail?
Uhh, what's all this then, Guv'na?
[girlie voice] Oh, I declare.
I would love to see a lemur, expensive diamond talk.
[southern accent] So what say you cowpokes
rustle up that stray, howdy?
[robotically] Robot president approves this message.
Sniff, squeak, skitter skitter.
That's my rat, you know, for the home crowd.
That is the worst acting I ever seen.
Oh, like the eye patch penguin was better?
Ow.
We got spies.
[whistles]
So now it's a triple undercover rescue mission?
[sighs] I'll get the disguise kit.
I call suave pirate sashay calypso.
I call pirate-- aw, man.
- Hey. - I never.
Bird. Been a long time.
You look uglier than I remember.
I had a skin condition.
Oh, well, now I feel like a jerk.
Hey, King.
What do we do with nosy spies around here?
Not my call anymore, dude.
We all bow to the Great One.
[laughing maniacally]
I'm being the rat.
Hooray.
[together] Hooray.
What in the name of golden calfery?
The Great One bears the red ring.
It's on all the ancient relics.
Sacred symbol of rat-dom.
- [giggling] - Really?
A guy shows up with a birthmark on his rump-stick,
and you just hand over the throne?
Hey, I'm just a dude who's into punching stuff.
I can't compete with the wisdom of the Great One.
Tell 'em, Great One.
I like cheese and biting things.
[together] Great One.
Is this guy awesome or what?
Mort? Great One?
Because of a stupid tail ring?
I am the original ringtail!
[twitching]
Look, I'm gonna be straight with you, diseased Rodentia.
This isn't some rat Great One.
This is Sad Eyes.
The Great One is known by many names.
I like "Cheese Brother Supremo" myself.
You rock, Great One.
[giggling] Yes, it is true.
He's our agent.
We sent him here
to see what horror you were unleashing on the surface world.
Why would we be unleashing horror on the surface world?
Uh, maybe because you live in a kingdom of stinkiness.
That's right, Mort.
You are king of toilet flushings and garbage eaters, so there.
Dude, ouch.
I mean, sure, we live in a cold sewer and eat garbage...
We are getting new carpet.
In the zoo, the houses are toasty,
and the food is fresh every day.
Great One, are you saying we should invade the zoo?
Is that what a rat would do?
Totally.
Invasion!
[together] Yah!
I kinda get the pirate and the sumo,
but what's his problem?
I'm an atom.
Don't you see, it's the perfect disguise.
They're everywhere.
Ah?
How could I have sent a rookie so deep undercover?
I should've known the boy would go rat.
I also blame you, so we are agreed.
Never mind blame. The entire zoo's in jeopardy.
Ringtail, I'll need your...
acting skills.
[giggling]
Oh, excuse me.
As a licensed professor of doctorology,
I could not help to notice you've got something...
no, not there...
closer...
almost...
Hi-ya!
Oh, there it is.
In your face!
[laughing]
Hurry, Kowalski.
I'm... trying.
Why did I choose magnesium?
There's no telling what they're doing to poor--
Hooray for invasions!
Awesome.
Give the order, Great One.
Okay. Start--
Stop!
Behold the one thing powerful enough
to snap you out of this rat trap:
the feet.
Yoo-hoo.
Roar. Roar.
Rats don't like feet.
Well, that was all I had.
Go for it, Great One.
Show 'em your awesome invasion plan.
Surround the animals.
[ground rumbling]
And now, unleash...
the kisses and huggies!
[laughing]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eh, what?
Never question the Great One.
[smooching]
Hey, do you mind, buddy boy?
[all smooching]
[laughing] You let Mort make the invasion plan?
Pffft!
Well, yeah, but...
this is just part one.
No, this is the everything.
But you're the Great One.
You're supposed to lead us to toasty houses and fresh food.
Oh, food.
Well, I always keep some strawberry jelly on my tail
for snacking.
Mmm. See?
Oh, it's good.
Mmm.
[grumbles]
I knew we should've stuck with punching stuff.
Ah!
Bye-bye.
[all screaming]
- Mmm. See? - Careful.
Mort's brain has been completely destabilized.
It could take months, even years,
to bring him back from his rat state.
Am I all done being the rat now?
Or fast. It could be fast.
Sad Eyes, that was the most amazing undercover work
I've ever seen.
Yeah, I still got like ten characters on you, though.
I'm just saying.
Well done, tiny soldier.
Consider yourself an honorary penguin.
Be the penguin.
Yah!
Hey.
You didn't see anything. [giggles]
[brassy detective music]