[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[upbeat music]
[dramatic music]
[yawns]
[birds chirping]
Aw!
Gah!
[saw whirring loudly]
No! Stop! Wait!
[sighs]
Relax, Marlene.
We've had that nest staked out
for a Humpty Dumpty scenario
since the first day of spring.
This is all the king's horses calling all the king's men.
We read you, Skipper, loud and clear.
Yeah, yeah.
So let me get this straight.
You guys have been watching that one nest
since the beginning of spring?
Don't be ridiculous, Marlene.
We've been watching all of them.
Where I come from, we have a little saying:
"there's only one way to do the job,
my way."
"The right way."
Ah!
Tada!
[computer beeping]
Private, reduce air speed.
You're coming in too hot.
Whoa! I can't!
- Whoa! - No, he's heading
right for the central water main.
[thud, crash]
Oh, did I make it back in time for tea?
[computer beeping]
[cracking]
Rico, plug that up before it starts drawing attention.
I'm afraid it's too late for that, Skipper.
Yeah, looks like a rupture of the central main.
Yeah, the penguin exhibit.
We'll need to tear up the whole thing
to get at the damaged pipe.
Ooh, what about your secret underground HQ thing?
If they dig up the habitat, won't they find--
Not on my watch, sister.
So we're definitely
going to have to call in a specialist to--
what's that?
You're sending over Gus?
The Gus?
Why, yeah, of course I feel better now.
Gus? That's all you had to say.
Gus?
Who's this Gus?
[traditional Russian music]
His name is Gustav "Gus" Babushka,
age 49, born in St. Petersburg.
Russia, not Florida.
So what do you think?
Me and the boys will have to tunnel
about four meters straight down.
Great. How soon can your crew get here?
No, no, you misunderstand.
The boys are already here.
Meet the left one and the right one.
We get started first thing in morning.
Apparently, this Gus won the silver medal
in powerlifting at the 1979 Pan-Asian Games.
Ha! Silver. Loser. Anything else?
He eats the same sandwich for lunch every day:
liverwurst.
Liverwurst. That's all I needed to know.
Liverwurst? That's how you're going to stop Gus
- from doing this job? - Of course not.
We're going to do it for him.
Whoa!
Rico, are we good to go?
- Yeah, yeah. - Then let's move, boys.
We've got work to do.
Oh, Marlene, you don't mind
if we use your place as temporary HQ, do you?
No. Hey, really.
[unexcitedly] No, make yourselves at home.
Outstanding! You won't even know we're here.
Rico, dive!
[sighs]
Hello.
Hmm, is very strange,
like itsy-bitsy elves came in night
and--pff!--did entire job for us.
Wait, but isn't that going to seem a little suspicious?
Won't that Gus guy say something?
I doubt it, not when he sees the little gift we left for him.
And what is this?
[sniffs]
A liverwurst sandwich?
It's simple human psychology, Marlene.
Humans are, by nature, lazy bums.
They love it when itsy-bitsy elves do their work.
Uh-huh!
Amazing work, Gus.
I suppose I'm going to have to give you a little bonus
for finishing the job so fast.
Nyet, no.
What? Huh?
I cannot accept this money...
or this sandwich.
But what's the problem?
Yeah, what's the problem?
Back in Murmansk, we have saying.
"There is only one way to do job:
the right way."
Me and my boys will come back tomorrow
and do the whole thing over again.
On second thought, I will accept sandwich.
My boys need their strength.
[eye squeaking]
This shows Gus's digging progress thus far.
If he continues at his current trajectory,
he'll miss hitting the underground command center
entirely.
Okay, so that's good, right?
Well, not really, no.
It means that he's heading right down
towards this yellow zone over here.
But--but that means he'll breach
our top-secret antimatter fusion reactor core.
Wait, you guys have a top-secret antimatter
fusion whatsit down there?
Why, no, I--
[vacuum whirring]
Wh--wh--why do you ask?
[burps]
Okay, what happens if he breaches
this top-secret reactor core...
that you don't have?
Nobody knows for certain.
It's all abstract theoretical physics.
I could outline the basic best-and worst-case scenarios.
Sure, let's hear 'em.
Okay. Rupturing the lining of the reactor chamber
could theoretically trigger a subatomic explosion so intense
that it would rip open the very fabric of time and space.
Wow, that's--ugh.
Okay, and what's the best-case scenario?
Well, that.
That was it.
Ha! Did you hear that guy?
"There's only one way to do a job: the right way."
I mean, who talks like that?
It does sound vaguely familiar.
That Gus character is arrogant, stubborn, pigheaded.
It's like--like--
Like looking in a mirror?
You take that back, Marlene.
Skipper here's a thousand times more pigheaded and stubborn
than that Gus character will ever be.
Well, thank you, Private.
And starting tomorrow, I'm going to prove it.
Right. Let's see how tough
comrade Gustav and his boys are
without any heavy equipment.
Well, I guess that's it, boys.
We do it like back in the old country:
with shovel.
[inhales]
Okay, not a problem.
Rico?
Huh?
No!
Not that one!
Well, boys, nothing we can do now.
Except do the job with our bare hands.
- Yah! - [eye squeaking]
Gentlemen, the time has come
for more extreme measures.
We're going to start off with an appetizer
of auditory assault.
[rock music]
My ears are angry!
[singing]
If that doesn't work,
we'll serve up a hot main course.
♪ Hard work and pay not good ♪
Combined with a side order of frozen pig head.
♪ Hard work and pay not good ♪
[shivering]
And then just deserts:
wind!
Fire!
Earthquake!
Plague of snakes!
♪ Hard work and pay not good ♪
It's just no use.
Gus and his "boys" are determined to finish the job.
And nothing--repeat, nothing-- is going to stop them.
My estimates show that he will break through
and breach the reactor chamber first thing in the morning.
Does this eye look weird? Anyone?
- Hmm. - So, Skipper,
um, what are we going to do about Gus?
Oh, him.
Well, you know, he's...
[crying] Unstoppable.
[muttering]
I've never seen him like this either.
Hey, how about some options?
- Uh-huh. - Do you have any?
Not really, no.
Then it's time to execute operation embrace failure.
Face it, gentlemen; this is a game we cannot win.
[eye squeaking]
And if you can't win the game,
you just have to change the playing field.
Come on, men! We've got work to do.
[Marlene grunting]
[traditional Russian music]
Oh, no, it's all over.
Gus is going to hit the top-secret reactor core thingy
any second now. Take cover!
Run for your lives!
[suspenseful music]
Oh, I can't watch.
[metal clangs]
Wait, what?
We were--I sa--
th--there is nothing down there.
You see, boys?
This is the only way to do job:
the right way.
Come on. Liverwurst is on me.
I don't get it. I mean, what happened
to their whole underground--
you know, the ripping open of time and space.
How could they have possibly--
wha--huh?
Ooh!
Maurice?
Why is reality confusing me?
The whole thing's a fake.
It's even better than the real--
Come on, people.
Let's move with a purpose.
But how on earth did--
I mean, what--
It's quite simple, Marlene.
We built a duplicate of the entire zoo overnight.
When Gus and the work crew arrived this morning,
we simply diverted them into the decoy zoo.
Where we let him finish the repairs
on what he thought was the real penguin habitat.
This is the only way to do job: the right way.
And you call this simple?
I call it getting the job done
the only way we know how:
the right way, my way.
[air splurting]
[upbeat music]
Huh.
37 nights without a single Gimme-Gimme star.
Do you think the sky spirits have become angry?
Probably for something Mort did.
I am sorry, sky spirits,
for the thing I did that I don't know what it was
that made you angry!
Was it the you-know-what in Maurice's oatmeal?
You-know-what? Say, what?
"Dear burglary victims,
"congratulations!
"You have just been robbed
"by the greatest criminal genius of our time,
"The Amazing Cecil and his associate..."
[glass shatters]
[alarm ringing]
"...Brick."
- Sorry. - Just get the necklace.
[tires screeching]
[siren wailing]
[lively jazz music]
Oh, there, there!
I see a Gimme-Gimme star.
Quick, Maurice, say the magic rhyme.
Say it! Say it!
Star big, star brown,
from the haze of this stinky town,
I wish you may, if you know how--
Gimme, gimme, now, now, now!
[siren wailing]
The sky spirits must be gimme-ing something big.
Maurice, fetch me a stuff bucket.
Lose the evidence, Brick.
But we just got it.
Trust me! Lose the evidence!
Okay, any time now, sky spirits.
Look.
The Gimme Star is falling.
It doesn't look like a star.
Maybe--
Maurice!
Did you see what the sky spirits gimme'ed me?
Could I be loving this any more?
Wait, wait.
Loving it a little more now.
And...
there, maximum loving it.
[yawns]
This is the morning action news.
Make a note for the Skipper's log.
No more movie marathons.
I need this unit bright-eyed and bushy--
[yells]
Oh, hello.
Ringtail, explain this unauthorized breach.
If by "breach" you mean "brooch"
and by that you mean "Neck decoration,"
then--oh, yes, look.
Oh, I am wearing a new royal shiny thing.
How envious you must be.
What is this sparkling monstrosity?
It appears to be an allotrope of carbon
formed by incredible pressure and intense temperature.
Again, 20% less brainiac.
A girl's best friend?
- Pepper spray? - A unicorn?
Me? [purrs]
Diamonds? It's a diamond necklace.
Why is pricey jewelry hanging around ringtail's neck?
Because the sky spirits gave it to me
for kicking up the fabulous, baby.
I've got to go look at myself again.
[laughs]
Skipper.
One item was stolen: the Imperial Diamond Necklace,
valued at over $2 million.
[stuttering] $2 million?
I'm not yet staggered.
Give it to me in canned fish.
Over 16.4 million anchovies.
Pchew!
That's a lot of anchovies.
Yes, the kind of riches that turn men into animals
and animals into--
Kowalski, what's more savage than animals?
Malfunctioning garbage disposals?
Come on. You're not even trying.
Voila!
Now it is but a quick search of habitats
to find our diamonds.
And, Brick, no need to be gentle.
Dazzling contest!
Who's the winner?
Let me guess. You?
[stammering]
I don't--I don't know what to say.
But you are right, yes. It is.
Oh.
Oh, so handsome!
I must stop before I fall in love.
[laughs] Tail.
Ow!
Police are searching for two suspects,
seen here in surveillance footage.
That's the hat slap of a professional criminal.
Ooh, you think they'll come looking for the necklace?
I think I can answer that.
Yes. Here. Now.
Really.
[monkey screaming]
Then Julien's going to be in danger!
- We have to help him. - Yes,
right after Gail Force gives us the weather.
- Skipper. - All right, all right.
I just wanted to see if I needed an umbrella.
[smooches]
The new royal jewels bring out my sparkly eyes,
don't you think?
Now we are both sparkly.
[giggles]
Get off me!
None must ever come between the king
and his neck decoration...
or neckoration, as I like to call it.
Lower primate! Lose the ice.
Maurice, the penguins have gone jealous crazy.
Defend the royal shininess and he who wears it.
You don't seem to "comprende."
There are two bad eggs looking for that necklace,
and they ain't asking nicely.
Hey, come on. Cut it out. That's not funny.
Just squeeze it out, Brick, like toothpaste.
Like what?
Like a tube of cookie dough!
Now what?
Can't go five minutes in this zoo...
[whistle blows]
Those hoods are going to turn you
into a coat to go with that necklace.
That's exactly what I would be saying
if I wanted to steal the shiny from you,
except I'd be more creative.
Maybe diamond-loving mutants with teeth for eyes.
Ooh, I just freaked myself out.
Yes, clearly, reason is wasted on the reasonless.
Well, time for Plan "B."
"B" for better be backing off, buddy?
"B" for begin beatings belligerently.
Look, there are only three rules at this zoo.
Don't feed the animals, don't touch the animals,
and don't ask me stupid questions.
Um, why not?
Oh, now we're breaking rules two and three, huh?
Move it, hotshots!
Are you really prepared to engage in hand-to-hand combat
with a highly trained battalion, one of whom is afflicted
with a terrible thirst for mindless violence?
[laughs]
You call that mindless?
Check out our guy.
I artichoked a ukulele hamster.
Eh...
engage.
- No! - Hey!
Gimme that necklace!
Cecil, look.
Penguin--
And stay out, losers!
What are we gonna do, Cecil?
Well, it's simple.
We come back tonight,
rip our necklace right back from those filthy birds!
- You got a genius plan, then? - Oh, yeah.
No, it's a great question, Brick.
Why waste my genius on a flock of dumb animals?
Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh la la.
It is rather lovely. So when do we return it
- to the jewelry store? - ASAP.
I don't need two low-rent hooligans
all up in our top-secret grille.
Uh, Skipper? It may be too late.
I took the liberty of reviewing the zoo security footage
on our larcenous duo.
Observe.
A poem for Doris the dolphin.
"We swam as one.
"I touched your gentle flipper.
"Then we were done.
You wanted someone hipper."
[crying]
Sorry, wrong footage.
We come back tonight,
rip our necklace right back from those filthy birds!
Why waste my genius on a flock of dumb animals?
Dumb animals? Private, hold on to that necklace.
If those punks are inviting themselves to the pony show,
we're going to give them a real ride.
To jail?
all: Oh!
Okay, now pull me up.
Oh. Ah!
You're a very strong man, Brick.
Okay, Rico. You're on.
Like I said, dumb animals.
Bogeys on your tail. Bring 'em home.
Yes! The bling is back, baby.
- Ringtail! - [laughs]
Did you miss me? I missed you.
Have I told you lately that you complete me?
This isn't a game, man.
Those humans will lay some serious hurt on you.
But first they will have to catch me.
I am seeing your point...
and my childhood.
I know that dumb animals like shiny things.
But this one is mine!
Private, Rico, double down.
- Ha ha! - Oof!
You wanty? Go getty.
No!
Uh, Cecil?
- Allow me - Huh?
- [clangs] - [Brick screams]
[thuds]
Bye-bye.
Brick? Brick?
- Over here, Brick? - Huh?
I want my necklace!
[lively jazz music]
Look, a dead end.
Rico, I believe we need an exit.
What the--
- How did-- - Hey! You know,
Brick, who cares?
I want my diamonds!
Oof!
I got it, Cecil.
I got the necklace!
[alarm ringing]
No!
Let me out. Let me out.
[sirens wailing]
Uh-uh.
[brassy detective music]