[brassy detective music]
[bell tolling "O Come, All Ye Faithful"]
Gentlemen, we are a go-ho-ho.
- [giggling] - I can't believe it's here!
[indistinct chatter]
All right, people.
Time to jangle the jingles and Kris the Kringles.
We are T-minus 14 hours to Kidsmas.
[all cheering]
Mr. Skipper penguin,
is the Kidsmas really here?
You bet your tiny derriere.
But not till morning.
So skedaddle those eager britches on home now.
- all: Aww! - No peeking.
Excuse me? Hi.
So Kidsmas--I'm confused.
This relates to Christmas how, exactly?
Kowalski, get the reptile up to speed.
Well, Roger, every year, the Central Park Zoo closes
from Christmas Eve to the morning of December 26th.
- Also known as Boxing Day. - We're not interested
in your made-up holidays, Private.
- Ooh. - We take advantage
of this human-free environment
to throw a mondo Christmas fiesta
for the animal families of Central Park,
- an event we like to call-- - Kidsmas!
- all: Kidsmas! - Kidsmas!
Tomorrow morning.
Oh. all: Aww.
You know the drill, people,
so open those assignment cards.
And let's go make this the best Kidsmas ever.
- Hey, watch out. - Excuse us.
- Royalty coming through. - Hello?
Who do I give a talking at if my job is stupid
- and lame? - Lame?
Children love the gingerbread house.
Yes, they also love finding crusty things
- in their own noses. - Mine had a kazoo.
- [kazoo buzzes] - I am a king.
I demand the most important of all the Kidsmas tasks.
Demand denied.
Kidsmas is a well-oiled machine
with years of tradition.
Mason always dresses up as zoo Santa.
♪ Ho, ho, ho ho, ho, ho ♪
Burt makes his famous peanut nog.
The secret ingredient is peanuts.
And so on.
We're not swapping assignments
the night before the big event.
- End of story. - Oh, really?
What happened to the freedom of changing?
What happened to the rights of the peoples?
I thought this was France!
- America. - No, really.
I seriously thought this was France.
I've been looking for some decent crepes
for, like, three months.
Yo, hey. The little guy's got a point.
Yeah, I'm sick of doing the same job every year.
Yes, the pressure of the lead role is rather brutal.
- Yeah, different. - [indistinct chatter]
We're on an overnight deadline, people.
- There's no time to-- - Yes!
Let's mixy-mix the Kidsmas.
Hey!
[grumbles]
Hey, music. That's perfect for me.
All right! I'm on decorations!
No way. Me too. Look!
Best committee ever.
Smashing! I'm on decorations.
No way. Me too. Look!
Best committee ever.
No. Lame.
Blah. Double blah.
Eh, yes. Yes.
I will find the Christmassy tree!
Truly there is no job more important than--
- Santa! - What?
- Who's playing Santa? - You are, Skipper.
It's the last one left. You didn't even pick,
and you got the most important job of all.
How lucky is that?
Most... important...
[stammering]
Me? Play the big red himself?
And I'm your jolly little elf.
♪ Oh, and little figgy pudding ♪
- Ooh! - Negative.
This is holiday anarchy.
We go down this road, there won't even be a Kidsmas.
No... Kidsmas?
Hey, you weren't supposed to hear that.
I'm just...
you know what anarchy is, don't you, kids?
We've only got one night and...
chins up, soldiers. I've got it covered.
[all cheering]
[indistinct chatter]
Yeah, we should go total rock and roll this year,
like sled jumps and flash pots
and ski punk snowmen who are like, "What's up?"
- Yeah! - We should go
completely Charles Dickens this year.
Top hats, monocles, unimpeachable etiquette.
[gasps] Kids love etiquette.
See? Nothing to worry about.
It's Kidsmas.
Santa magic will take care of everything.
- [lid clangs] - Santa magic?
[bell tolls]
It is a thrill to be on the music committee with you guys,
so let's warm up a little bit, shall we?
[clunky piano melody]
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
[all singing discordantly]
Private.
86 that caterwaul.
Curse you, internet.
28,000 cat videos, zero useful information.
[cat meowing]
We wish you a meowy Christmas.
[laughs]
I'm sorry, Skipper, but it's just one party.
Do you need the real Santa magic?
If Mr. Tub of Jolly has some sparkly mystic secret,
I need to find it ASAP.
Then we should ask Santa. He'd know.
Don't get up. I'll do it for you.
Good thinking, young Private. Let's slide.
So I'm thinking the eastern white pine.
Or maybe you're more of a Douglas fir guy.
- That's cool. - [sighs]
Norway spruce?
Must I...[sighs] Even louder for you, Maurice?
It is not the flavor of the tree that is the problem.
It is the not-importance of it.
I thought tree choosing was the most importantest job.
Yeah, it was, until the frowny flat-head penguin
got the better one.
Now we must find the amazingest tree
in the history of Kidsmas.
You really think we can find a tree like that?
Hey, this is New York City, baby, the capital of France.
If you can't find it here, you cannot be finding it anywhere.
I will find the amazing tree, King Julien.
Ah! Oh-ho.
Is this one amazing?
Jolly old Saint Nick in sight.
Now show me your secrets, magic man.
- I don't understand, Skipper. - Yes. Why the bell ringing?
And a tip jar? That just seems crass.
No. I mean, I don't understand
why there are two of them.
What? Sweet secret service.
He's got a body double.
That must be some primo magic he's protecting.
Look! They're leaving.
Blast! No time to I.D. Which one's the phony.
Private, pin the tail on the Santa Bravo.
I'm on the Alpha Claus.
Whoa!
Huh!
Ugh!
Hey!
Oh! Ooh!
Look, sweetie. It's Santa.
Ahh!
Hey!
[squeaks]
Never mind, Mort.
Your face tried, but the glass just wanted it more.
I'm tapped out, Your Majesty.
We've seen real trees,
- fake trees... - Toiletries.
And you keep turning up your nose at all of them.
Because none is amazing enough
to beat the Santa penguin.
I need a tree that sits up, smacks your pointy face,
and says, "Christmas!"
This one says it in 17 languages.
- Beep! - Merry Christmas.
Feliz Navidad.
Mele Kalikimaka me ka hau'oli Makahiki Hou.
[gasps] I found it.
The amazing tree!
I know it is small and ugly,
but if somebody was nice to it and loved it,
it could grow up to be a beautiful swan,
and that is the true meaning of Chinese New Year.
- Christmas. - What's a "Christmas"?
That tree is perfect.
Now move the puny ug tree so I can get a good look at it.
Ya...
Choppity, choppity, chopping.
[bell dings]
[grunting]
Ah!
Mmm. Minty.
Ooh!
Private, I thought I put you on Santa surveillance duty.
I was, Skipper. He went in there.
Impossible.
My Santa went in there.
Why even have a body double
if you're just gonna hang out in the same room?
About that, isn't it a bit fishy
that Santa's just strolling about on Christmas Eve
with no reindeer or sleigh?
And he's using an elevator?
Both fakes?
Then how are those two phony Papa Noels
tied in to this mysterious disappearance?
Wait. Santa disappeared?
You haven't seen him, have you?
Well, no, but-- [gasps]
You don't think--
No! I act, with maximum force.
Ha! Ha-ha!
Initiate takedown protocol Foxtrot, Private.
You get the first one. I'll handle...
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, sugar plums.
- Skipper? - Wind-up monkey misdirect.
Execute.
[cymbals crash]
Oh-ho. Cute toys. You know where I could pick up
- a couple for my kid? - Okay,
I'll take the lead voice; you'll take the ostinato.
[sighs] The ding-dongs.
- ♪ Ding ♪ - ♪ Dong ♪
♪ Here come the bells I hear the bells ♪
[piano clanging] ♪ That's not the bells ♪
What is going on here?
[piano clanging discordantly]
Ah, excuse me, fellas.
We're on kind of a tight schedule here, and I--
So shut it, already.
We're trying to write a Kidsmas tune here.
Hey, yo, Bing,
you got a rhyme for "yellow snow"?
Okay, how about--what? [both grunt]
- Backing off. - [grunting excitedly]
Rock and roll, Rico. Just a few hours till daylight,
and the zoo's only halfway decorated.
Pardon me, I was just...
[both gasp] [bell tolls]
Uh, guys, what are you doing?
Our jobs, obviously.
Decorating in 19th-century Dickensian regalia.
Whoa, whoa, okay, first,
we're the decorations committee.
Second, uh, Dickens? Yeah.
Did you get a visit from the ghost of Christmas
- "been there, done that"? - No, no, no.
We are the decorations committee,
and at least our ideas didn't come from the pages
of "Winter Hooligan Monthly."
Hey! How did he know that?
Hmm. I guess we were all supposed to work together, huh?
No problem. We can clear your junk out in no time.
[grumbling]
I say humbug to you, sir.
Humbug. Humbug. Hum-bug!
Guys, guys, obviously there's a difference in styles here,
but come on. It's Christmas.
There's nothing we can't fix with a little peace,
love, and togetherness.
You know what? I'm sorry.
[mumbling]
Tut-tut, old bean. Think nothing of it.
Aww. Okay, great.
So how do we solve this?
Let's say... elephant rules.
Uh, okay.
What are elephant rules?
♪ Smashing stuff with Burt's big heinie ♪
♪ Squash, squash, squash, squash, squash ♪
[all gasp] Cheerio.
Rico, my man, this otter's about to join
the naughty list.
Not the sleigh! Hey!
Hey, not a bad charity haul this year.
Merry Christmas, guys.
all: Merry Christmas! [jingling]
Huh?
[grunts]
Ow! Ow! Ow! Wow. What?
robotic voice: Where is Santa Claus?
Is this some kind of joke? Esposito, is that you?
Do we really have time for conspiracies, Skipper?
You promised the children the zoo would be ready for Kidsmas.
Santa magic, Private.
We get that, and we're walking
in a winter wonderland.
robotic voice: Where are you anti-yule radicals
holding Santa and his magic?
Hey, seriously, where am I?
robotic voice: You are on the bus to Pain-Sylvania.
Ha. Ha. Ha. [wood cracks]
[all gasp]
I'm a lumberjack.
Argh, matey.
[laughing]
Hey, somebody's stealing the big tree.
Not in my city, pal.
[laughs] Yes. Look at their faces.
Punch it. [tires squealing]
This is Chuck Charles, and my van has just been stolen
along with the city's Christmas tree.
Uh, Chuck... without the van,
we're not really broadcasting anything.
I know, but I am no longer
able to speak in a normal voice.
[angry muttering]
Ooh!
The real Santa must have escaped,
and the imposters are trying to haul him back in.
Execute mobile rescue op.
But, Skipper, the zoo.
- Kidsmas. - Follow the magic, Private.
Remember the winter wonderland plan.
Ah! Ooh.
- Uh-huh. - Ooh, a plan. Good.
What did he say?
Wha!
Pow! Pow! Pow!
Oh!
We're losing more plywood men by the second.
Hold your ground!
We all knew there would be causalities.
Ugh!
[gasps]
They got Tiny Tim.
You may strike our decorations,
but you shall never conquer the spirit
of Charles Dickens.
And his razor-brimmed top hat!
Yah!
Actually, I don't believe
Dickens had a razor-brimmed hat.
Learn your history, chimp.
[sirens wailing]
♪ Dashing through the street ♪
♪ I think it's pretty neat ♪
♪ That we scored the best Christmas tree ♪
♪ Hey, penguins you can eat it ♪
♪ Julien, Julien you really are too much ♪
♪ It's time the feet let off the gas ♪
♪ And step on me, the clutch ♪
- [sirens wailing] - Ah!
We're being high-speed chased.
Quick, more clutch.
Whoa!
Ah!
Ugh!
Whoa! Ugh!
Ah!
Ooh!
Imposters dispatched.
Now let's go rescue the genuine one and only Santa.
Santa?
- Ringtail? - Santa!
- Tree! - Animals?
- Confused. - Potato.
Abandon van. We must save the tree.
Wha--whoa!
What in the name of Good King Wenceslas are you--
[all screaming]
- [piano clanging] - Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Ow, why would you--
Are you sure we're not too early?
[screaming]
Ugh. Welcome to our Kidsmas
Winter Fun-derland.
Forsooth, the lass doth mean our Dickensian celebration of--
- Ah! Party! - You know what?
Maybe we'll just come back on a different holiday.
No, no, no. It's okay. Really, really.
We got big fun ahead. I mean, we got music.
- ♪ Ding ♪ - ♪ Dong ♪
- [all scream] - And games! We've got games.
Who wants first go at the Santa piñata?
Yah! [all scream]
You call this a children's party?
Unbelievable!
- We're leaving. - Wait! We haven't even
decorated the Christmas tree yet.
Um, I'd like to go home now.
Eh, what? [indistinct arguing]
Somebody want to tell me
what in the Jack Frost is going on here?
Well, Skipper, it seems some people don't appreciate
the finer decorating arts.
And some people are suffering
from chronic boring disorder.
- Oh, snap! - And some people wrecked
my completely awesome Christmassy tree.
You were one of those people.
I was deliberately being vague.
[angry muttering]
♪ Well, fa, la, la, la, la, la, boo-hoo-hoo ♪
Didn't I warn you people?
I can't leave you alone for one night without a...
- [sniffles] - Huh?
You said this would be the best Kidsmas.
You promised.
Oh, man.
We... we ruined Kidsmas.
No, I'm the Santa here.
This was on my watch.
What have I done?
[sleigh bells jingling]
[sweeping orchestral music]
Well, for starters,
you roughed up a dozen of my deputies
and helped wreck the world's most famous Christmas tree.
And I thought I had a busy night.
[chuckles] Hey, Julien.
'Sup, baby?
Yeah, we go way back.
Santa? Real Santa?
Those dime store phony Clauses work for you?
They do the charity work. I deliver the toys.
Works out great when they're not being karate chopped
- off a speeding Christmas tree. - We're sorry, Santa.
We didn't mean to make such a mess of things.
All I wanted was a tiny taste of that real Santa magic.
Santa magic?
But, Skipper, you had that from the beginning.
Really? Then how do I use--
What am I, your guidance counselor?
I got to haul toys to seven more time zones.
Trust me, you'll figure it out.
What do you suppose he meant? You had it from the beginning?
The beginning. I don't--
- Of course! - Skipper?
Santa magic... coursing through veins.
Feels gingerbready.
Follow my lead, people.
And can I get some holiday music here?
That would be perfect, except that we haven't practiced
- as much as we-- - Yo. Absolutely.
[discordant piano melody playing]
Santa magic says try it in "G."
[pleasant melody playing]
♪ It's Christmas Day but you're feeling low ♪
♪ With the cold gray skies and the yellow snow ♪
♪ Something, something, something ♪
♪ Ga-ba, ga-ba, go ♪
♪ But I'll tell you about one thing ♪
♪ You gotta know ♪
both: ♪ It ain't perfect, but it's Christmas ♪
♪ So what if you didn't get ♪
♪ All your Christmas wishes? ♪
♪ There ain't another day ♪
♪ That's a better one than this is ♪
♪ 'Cause, kid, it ain't perfect ♪
♪ Yo, but it's still Christmas ♪
♪ So Santa skipped the best things ♪
♪ That were on your list ♪
♪ But, soldier, tell that frown to cease and desist ♪
♪ If you know where to look, you'll find Christmas bliss ♪
Oh, that's pretty.
♪ We'll sing it one more time ♪
♪ Maybe you will catch the gist ♪
[laughs] Oh!
all: ♪ It ain't perfect, but it's Christmas ♪
Yes.
♪ So what if things ♪
♪ Had a few minor glitches ♪
♪ Just clean up the mess ♪
♪ And help your mom with the dishes ♪
'Cause, kids... all: ♪ It ain't perfect, yo ♪
♪ But it's still Christmas ♪
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
Yeah!
- all: Christmas! - Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
You really did it. You found the Santa magic.
- What was the secret? - No secret, Private.
Big Red was right.
We had to get back to where this all started:
trying to make some kids happy for Christmas.
That's it? Santa magic's just making people happy?
Yeah, seems to work for that guy.
all: Aww.
Merry Christmas, Mr. Skipper penguin.
And to all a good night.
Potato!