[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[dramatic orchestral music]
♪ ♪
[rumbling]
[explosion]
Grounding error. Sorry.
Kowalski!
What in Neptune's net is that?
My latest creation, Skipper,
an infrared herring toaster.
Guess it wasn't infra-ready yet.
Ooh. Herring--hey!
Kowalski, your inventions have been a parade of disasters,
jeopardizing us, the zoo, and Manhattan itself.
And the outlying boroughs.
I admit there have been some unexpected consequences.
[babbles]
Until further notice,
there will be no inventions, experiments,
or envelope pushing of any kind.
- [gasps] - [gasps]
[belches]
[torch hisses]
[both scream]
Kowalski, are you envelope pushing?
I could ask you the same thing.
No, you couldn't.
I just got up to get a drink of water.
Oh.
Well, I could ask you a different question,
one involving long division,
and then you'd be in the hot seat,
wouldn't you?
[growls]
All right, fine. Yes, I'm inventing.
Just a little... bordering on a lot.
I call it the transparent matter maker,
or transmatterer, for short.
It turns things invisible.
Why not just call it an invisibility ray?
Someone already took the domain.
Again, the internet has vexed me.
But what about Skipper's order?
I am going to prove to Skipper
that I can invent something that won't go haywire.
Note the fail-safes.
[whimpers]
Trust me. Nothing can go wrong.
[yelping]
Except that.
[motor whirring]
Ah, inert organic matter, an ideal test.
[electronic beeping]
[laser whirring]
[zaps]
[snoring]
For the win!
This'll show Skipper.
What? H-h-hey, hey.
Fred, Fred, don't panic.
I can explain.
I guess while I was asleep,
I turned into a flying squirrel.
[yelps]
Ooh! Ow!
[electronic beeping, laser whirs]
[zaps]
[laser pinging]
[screams]
Leave it to you
to find the one contingency I hadn't planned for:
the transmatterer turning itself invisible.
You're welcome.
If you need help with anything else,
I'll be, um... uh...
so where's my tree again?
Ah!
[groans]
Back to the lab.
[clunking]
[engine turns over]
[metal clangs]
What is that silly-willy penguin up to?
[chuckling] No, it could not be.
Is he miming?
Lame.
Beg your pardon?
Ah, your mime.
It is so lame with the floaty floatiness.
Watch and learn.
The box is being too small.
[groans]
This rope is so heavy.
[yelps]
Oh, the wind is so strong!
Agh!
And very dry.
My lips are chapping.
I'm not miming. I'm--
That's true.
Your mime savvies are... [scoffs]
Watch. I will mime it better for you.
No, no, no. Stop that.
Get off.
You see, I am so good
that I can even feel what it is I am miming.
Ah, you're getting in the way!
No, you're getting in the way.
[crashes]
[gasps] The transmatterer!
The what's a matterer?
[metal crunches]
Oh, no!
The transmatterer's firing randomly.
Julien, get down!
Oh, I will get down to this funky light show.
[giggles]
[funky dance music]
♪ ♪
- Julien! - What?
[screams]
Ah, Julien, I don't want to alarm you,
but you're kind of invisible.
Of course, I am invincible.
I am the king.
You know, that's how we do.
No, no. See-through.
- See through what? - You.
No, I see through you, my friend.
You are jealous of my sick mime skills.
Okay, look at yourself.
Okay, I will-- [gasps]
- I am a vampire! - No!
[metal crashing]
The transmatterer, it's headed for downtown.
Don't worry. I'll be back to fix this.
Ah, check it out.
Not here. Huh.
Lost it.
I'm gonna need some help.
Coast is clear.
No sign of Skipper.
- You should just tell him. - No!
No, this is only a minor setback.
I'm sure, between the two of us, we'll be able to find
an invisible machine randomly roaming the city.
And where are you two going?
Oh, um, we were just going to...
Get some snow cones.
Snow cones?
Ah, good call.
A little R&R is just what this outfit needs.
Come on, men.
[zaps] Sweet summer corn!
That building just disappeared!
I know who's behind this.
You--you do?
Dr. Blowhole.
This has his mad flipper prints all over it.
Not this time, Blowhole!
You hear me?
You bottlenosed freak!
[chomping]
And just where do you think you're going?
Something's wrong with these nuts!
I'll say.
They've got elephant boogies all over them.
[screams]
This not-being-seen has its fun side.
[chuckles]
Funny business at 12 o'clock.
[tires squealing, sirens wailing]
What are we gonna tell Skipper?
You mean, until I think of something
that's plausible but not the truth?
[laser zaps]
We're onto your sick dolphin trick.
[zaps]
both: Huh?
[laser zapping]
No, Frank just up and quit.
Curse you, Blowhole!
Kowalski, Kowalski! Kowalski!
Private, I'm sorry for this sudden emotional outburst,
but you need to focus!
Oh, I'm okay now.
No! I'm not!
Look, we found the transmatterer,
so that's good.
Right. Jolly good.
Now I just need to get close to shut it down.
And that's easy-peasy for you.
No, it's not!
[bouncing]
Hello? Who's messing with Joey?
Show your face!
[chuckling]
Crikey!
Ooh! [growls]
Whoa, that dolphin's really kicked up the crazy.
[man screams]
It's some sort of invisible weapon.
Meaning that the weapon turns things invisible
and ironically is invisible itself.
Uh, of course, I'm totally guessing.
Why would Blowhole make an invisibility ray?
Disintegrating is more his thing.
Um, who can fathom the mind of an evil genius?
Right?
Right.
Kowalski, deranged dolphin options.
Ooh, the bus!
Private, that's quitter talk.
This unit does not cut and run.
No, I say we ram it with the bus.
You can't! That might destroy the trans...
...portation system as we know it?
Nah, it's just one bus.
Yo, Bada, it's my turn.
Oh! Oh!
Hey, what you do that for?
I didn't do nothing.
Yo, you giving me the business?
Absolutely am not giving you the business.
Somebody's giving me the business.
Well, it ain't me, gabagool.
Well, then, who's giving me the business?
Oh, what?
Have you not seen
a tire swinging all by itself before?
[engine rumbles]
[hacks]
Men, I won't lie to you.
The odds that we all pull through this
are less than a White Christmas in Tallahassee.
Florida?
Generally warmish in December.
How about this? The odds stink.
Tell him!
Skipper, I--
Feel the same, Kowalski.
It's been an honor serving with you too.
Let's roll!
[grunts]
[laser zapping]
Steady.
Jump!
- [grunting] - [tires squealing]
- [crashes] - [explosion]
We've stopped Blowhole, saved the city,
and lived to tell about it.
Good on us!
[zaps]
- Oh! - Kowalski, report.
Sounds like an overload, Skipper.
If this thing explodes,
it could turn everything invisible.
- Can you defuse it? - Well, I...[sighs]
I could reverse the polarity,
making everything visible again,
but I'd need my tools,
and they're all the way back in the--
[gags]
[bolt cranking]
I knew something bad was gonna happen.
Relax, Private, all I need to do
is push a series of geometrically shaped buttons
in the right order.
[grunts] Square.
Triangle. Yes.
Hexagon.
Oh, and the rarest of all, an inverted dodecahedron.
- [electronic beeping] - You really know
your evil bottlenose tech there, Kowalski.
[mechanical whirring]
Ah.
[rapid electronic beeping]
[zapping]
Ooh, I am a spooky banana.
How do I float
in front of your stupefied, hairy faces?
[laughs]
Maybe I am a magic talking fruit.
Yes? Maybe.
Look.
Yo, Bada, you see what I see?
[laughs] Silly monkey apes.
Nobody is seeing me.
Hey, we ain't nobody, lemur.
Uh, monkey apes, what are you doing?
[gasps] I'm here!
- [punches landing] - [screams]
Look at all these safety features.
Yes, clearly, the invention itself was flawless.
Maybe if you'd step up your game to Blowhole's level,
we could risk you back in the lab.
Well, as it turns out--
Turns out it's tough for you
to appreciate someone else's achievement.
- I get it. - Uh, actually, I--
Dream of this kind of breakthrough.
Well, keep dreaming.
Maybe someday, who knows?
No, no, no, see, I was going to say--
- Come on, boys. - [sighs]
We've earned those snow cones.
All right. Let's just forget about it.
[crashes]
[chiming lullaby music]
♪ ♪
And in conclusion, badgers are never to be trusted,
especially when they tell you
where the butterscotch lolly trees are.
Also there's no such thing as butterscotch lolly trees.
Thank you.
[growls] Badger!
- Lights. - [claps twice]
You're up, Kowalski.
What do you got?
[sniffing]
My report today is titled "Anticipating the Unexpected."
Now, if you will open your folders...
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
Nice try. I was expecting that.
And I was expecting that you'd expect that.
See?
Touche.
Oh, almost forgot.
I would like to congratulate Private.
Your badger report was both insightful and riveting.
Gee. Uh, thanks.
- [smacks] - [yelps]
Hmm, you were supposed to expect that.
Private, were you sleeping during Kowalski's report?
But that was completely unexpected.
- both: Precisely. - Ooh!
For the remainder of my presentation,
- we'll need to head-- - Topside?
Ooh, you are on your game, Skipper.
As expected.
Now, for this experiment,
I employed the classic scientific method:
hypothesis, observation, and conclusion--
- Uh, Kowalski? - Yes?
You lost us at hypothesis.
Okay, then I'll just get to the point.
This brilliant little device--
which I invented, thank you--
detects the unexpected.
[device whirring]
[beeping]
Ooh, the beeping suggests
something is about to happen to the child's ice cream.
[laughing]
[beeping continues]
- [splatters] - Huh?
Oh.
Ah, but it was detected, thus expected.
Still sad, though.
Science is not for the sentimental, Private.
Well, if you can detect the unexpected,
detect this!
Agh!
Blah!
[bird squawks]
[crashes]
Whoa! Whoa!
[metal clangs]
[munching]
[trumpets loudly]
[cell phone ringing]
Oh, that's the office calling.
Sit tight while daddy takes this, will ya?
Hey, Veronica.
Yeah, yeah, it's me.
Let's run through that proposal.
I was thinking...
Well, that was certainly unexpected, Private.
Yes, well, then I proved my point.
[beeping]
[baby giggling]
[yells]
An explosion would indicate something catastrophic
is about to occur to that stroller and/or baby.
My mother's maiden name was "catastrophe" and/or "baby."
After that stroller.
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
Whoa! Whoa!
[grunts]
- [laughing] - [car horns honking]
Rico, ball!
Blah.
Yeah.
[pins scattering]
[crying]
What?
[imitates crying]
[babbles disgustedly]
Seriously.
Who could predict that sentimental young Private
would cause such utter devastation?
[chuckles]
Well, technically, it was the tire's fault.
[crying]
Well, first things first.
Kowalski, how do you suggest we quiet this little noisemaker?
Hmm, human spawn usually derive happiness from fun toys.
[hacks]
Let's go a little less lethal, more baby friendly,
like nunchucks or brass knuckles.
[heaves]
I was thinking more along the lines of a stuffed animal.
[gulps]
[screaming]
Um, perhaps the little chap's crying
because he's got a soiled nappy.
I--I just assumed that was Rico.
[sniffs] No.
[gags]
Kowalski, you and I will take diaper detail.
Rico, give us some protection.
- [gags] - Ooh! Ah!
Private, see what you can find down below.
Gentlemen, let's defuse this stink bomb.
Diaper bag secured.
Wipes.
Clean diaper.
And powder.
Blah. Ah! Ah!
[cries]
[chuckles]
Wipes. Clean diaper.
And powder.
[giggles]
Wipes. Clean diaper.
Powder.
Ah.
[gasping]
I almost lost consciousness there for a minute.
Good work, team.
Now let's get this tyke back to the zoo, pronto.
- Commence operation-- - Oh, no!
[babbling frantically]
What is it, Rico?
Talk to me, boy.
[babbling]
Well, that's what I was about to say.
We need to get back to the zoo.
Operation cradle and-- agh!
What say your fancy unexpected detector now?
[electronic warbling]
[groans] Nothing.
Blah.
Hold on, men!
[yelping]
[groaning]
Oh!
[smacks]
[baby giggling]
[all grunting]
[yelling]
Whee!
[babbles]
[heaves]
[vomits]
Let it out, buddy.
Rico!
[explosion]
[crowd gasps]
Stroller at two o'clock...
at a construction site!
Well, that's a tad predictable.
Uh, I don't think this is a construction site.
- [alarm blares] - [bricks crunching]
[screaming]
It's a demolition site.
Never would have expected that.
[crashes]
[wall rumbling]
Okay. [gasps]
The little cadet's gone M.I.A.
Skipper!
[giggling]
Get him!
[squeals]
Get him!
[giggles]
Get him!
[giggles]
Get him!
[giggles]
Hold on.
I've seen this before.
We'll continue chasing him back and forth,
to and fro, in and out,
left to right, and right to left,
over and under,
until eventually we start to chase each other.
And of course, there's also the possibility
of a random object falling on us from the sky.
You know how I feel about random falling objects.
Actually, I'm not sure I do, Skipper.
Private, extrapolate from my tone.
- Right. - Rico--
[baby giggling]
- Get him! - [yells]
Whee!
Hold still so I can--
[groans]
Whee-hee-hee!
Oh! Ah! Hee-hee-hee!
There he is.
[squealing]
Uh...
[all scream]
[handle creaking]
[all scream]
Listen, we don't want any trouble.
Ooh, ah?
Just want to return you to your father.
Dada.
Oh?
[giggles]
So back away from that detonator,
and no one gets hurt.
[giggles]
Oh, no.
[explosion and screaming]
Gotcha, little guy.
All right. Let's take a step back.
Everyone including me, nothing stupid.
[chain rattling]
Whoa!
[slurps]
Yeah, I'll miss Frank.
[giggling]
Okay, the kid wins.
Now, on the bright side, he can't talk,
so no one will ever know.
Skipper, are you suggesting that we just give up?
Kowalski, you taught me to expect the unexpected,
but the most unexpected thing of all is us quitting.
I don't expect it, and I won't accept it.
Your words inspire me, young Private.
We're with you.
You are? Yay!
Rico, counterweight.
[gags]
[telephone rings]
[whooshing]
[alarm blares]
[chain rattling]
Ohh!
[crashes]
Whoa!
[giggling]
[all gasp]
No!
[whimpers]
[giggles]
Kowalski!
Options.
Let's go! Go, go!
[rocket screeching]
Good job back there, Private.
Thanks, Skipper.
Well, Kowalski,
I guess your unexpected detector was defective,
as I suspected.
Oh, you got me there, Skipper.
Fish from a jar, anyone?
Uh, sure.
[yells]
And that's what keeps us sharp.
Now let's get this little burden back to his father.
[screaming]
- Ooh! - Oh!
Great. All right.
We'll circle back to this at the office on Monday, all right?
All right. Bye-bye.
Hey, little guy. Thanks for waiting.
Wow. Where'd you get that?
[baby babbling]
What happened to the stroller?
[small explosion]
[giggling]
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪