[bell tolls]
[brassy detective music]
♪ ♪
- Hit it. - ♪ Hey-oh, yah, hah ♪
- ♪ Oh, hey-oh ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
Cute and cuddly, boys.
[whimsical music]
♪ ♪
Now, for today's training, I thought we'd mix it up
with a little treat from the land of the rising sun.
Oh, long island.
Actually, Japan, also known as Nippon,
which in the native tongue means "Sun origin," thus--
Kowalski, put a quarter in the show-off jar, please.
[rattling]
[grumbling] The show-off jar.
Now, as I was saying, today we--
Blech!
Hite! Sumo!
Correctimundo.
Hey, guys.
Guys, check this out.
I found these leaves by the fence that are, like,
organic moisturizer.
Mmm, yeah, just, uh-huh.
Yeah, they have this oil on them
that really makes your coat shine.
Ooh, I am a little dull sometimes.
Here, let me give it a go.
Greasy, tingly, ooh, refresh--
Hoo!
Greasy, tingly, ooh, ooh-la-la-la.
If everyone's finished with their beauty treatments,
can we sumo now?
Num-num-num-num.
All right, fun time's over.
Back to the bus.
Agh!
[both giggling]
[slurping]
Ahh, Maurice... [belches]
Entertaining the masses is so punishing,
what with the burden of my ridiculous awesomeness
and such things.
Ahhh... oof!
Heavy hangs the head that wears the crown.
Ew, cooties.
Thank you. What now?
Oh, no. Get away from me.
Ahh, cooties.
You gave me cooties.
Agh!
[together] Oh, no. Get away from me.
Never, ever have I felt such terror
in my toes.
What? Must you make bad go to worse?
Yiiii!
Rico...
Hut! Hut! Heeey.
Kowalski...
According to the circumference of my belly,
victory is mine.
Private.
- Waah! - Arrgh!
I think that may be a penalty, but I'm not sure who gets it.
Hey.
Uhh...
oh, hello, neighbors.
I am needing to be borrowing some of your gadgets
and gizmos and who's its.
Seems the humans are spreading something called "cooties."
Yes, which is why we are needing your science-y things
to keep the royal party strong and, you know, cootieless.
Oooh.
This will go quite nicely with my kingly crown, yeah?
Looks nice.
So borrowing is okay, yes?
Ahh! There they are.
Run for your life.
It's spreading.
[all yelling]
She gave me cooties.
Eww, now I've got it.
Great barrier reef.
Now do you see?
As your beloved king,
I order you to do your civic duty
and protect my royal hide.
And see?
I'm it.
Kowalski, cootie analysis.
Judging by the anguished cries of the boy children,
it appears that females spread the virus by mere touch.
Wait, you mean if I touch a girl, I could get cooties?
Odds are somewhere between posilutely and absotively.
Ahhh.
And what are cooties, exactly?
Yeah, and more importantly,
how will we be knowing which of the girls
are having them? [elephant trumpets]
Well, you're just a precious little pachyderm, aren't you?
Ah... ahh... ahh.
The otter has the cooties.
Shh, we have to watch burt for symptoms.
For all we know, Marlene's already infected him.
all: Cooties!
The otter has the cooties.
What do we do? What do we do?
Wait, wait.
I'm having a storm inside of my brainy parts.
First we'll--eh, oh, uh.
Okay, now, that is just rude when you haven't even heard
the stone-cold genius of my plan.
Whatcha doin'?
Ohh! Nothing.
Just, you know, swimming in terror.
G-g-girl!
Uh, yeah.
Hey, could you do me a favor?
See, I've got this rash.
Can you just-- no, just one--
- The otter has the cooties. - No, just--can you just--
The otter has the cooties.
Everybody run, because the otter has the cooties.
- Hold on, just put-- - The otter has the cooties!
- I just need you-- - The otter has the cooties!
Keep your cuckoo cooties away from me.
Mort, take one for the team.
I'm sacrificial.
Onward, Maurice.
We must find someone to protect us.
Uh, and by "us," I mean "me," you know.
Okay, fine.
I can take a hint.
Ow!
[alarm buzzing]
Quarantine!
Now, look, if we don't put a lid on this thing,
we could be looking at a replay of the Lau Ling outbreak.
The pandademic?
Oh, my stars and garters.
Kowalski, language.
Private's present.
Skipper, Marlene was in our habitat today.
We could all be infected and not even know it.
[all screaming]
[inhales]
Hoo-ah!
Blech!
Blah!
None of us are itching, so obviously,
none of us have cooties.
Right, well, that's a relief.
Oh, what's this?
Quarantine!
Oh, dear.
You-- you wish to have us protect you
from what now, gabba-goo?
Hey, can someone get my back?
Oh, hey, Marlene.
Run for your lives!
Ah-ha, ah-ha,
ah-ha-ha-ha, ah-ha-ha, yeah.
Ha, king me.
The otter has the cooties!
Wrong king.
Be afraid.
She's coming.
The cootie otter, that's who.
She will touch you,
and then you will have the cooties too.
Guys.
Oh, hey, Marlene. How's it--ahhh!
I--I could use a hand, actually, all four.
If you could just get your fingers in...
Eww.
Will you please take your contagious cooties
and self-quarantine.
Con--contagious?
Who--wait, cooties?
Is that why I'm so itchy?
Oh--oh, no, I've got cooties.
Ergh, ahh.
Okay, it's here we make our brave last stand.
Maurice, you will be like
the famous Davy Crockett at the alamo,
and I will be like the guy nobody ever heard of,
because he lived.
All right, Davy-- what?
[clock ticking]
It's quiet... too quiet.
[clock ticking]
[thinking] Don't scratch the beak.
[thinking] Look at him.
He's just crawling with cooties.
[thinking] Maybe a little baby scratch.
No, don't scratch the beak.
Agh!
[blabbering]
Ohh.
Quarantine!
Ahh!
Who's the smart one now?
Well, sorry about the rough stuff, boys,
but this crisis must be contained at all costs.
Anyone who shows the slightest symptoms
has to be isolated.
Right, Rico?
Yeah.
[blabbering incoherently]
We've got to think of the big picture here:
protecting the entire zoo.
Right, Rico?
Huh?
Oh, ha-ha-ha, yeah.
Good man.
No exceptions.
Ah-ah-ah-ah.
Right, Rico?
Huh? [laughs]
[blabbering incoherently]
Quarantine!
I don't suppose someone can scratch my toes.
Skipper's log: my loyal men...
- Hi. - And Mort
have been infected with the calamitous...
Cooties!
Ah, she's gone mad.
Hi, Marlene.
Someone just scratch my back.
And what's with the box?
Marlene, what are you doing here in our home?
How unexpected and in no way horrifying.
Yeah, yeah, that's great.
Look, I don't care what kind of top secret stuff
you have to do,
but you've got to get rid of these cooties.
Can't you zap me with one of these doohickies or...
[machine whirring]
What about this one?
Come on, man, get me a cure.
Hey, get back here.
Ahh-ahh-ahh-mm.
- Get... - Oh! Mm!
- Get me... - Ah!
This might be a bad time, but I'd
really appreciate that toe scratch.
[loud explosion]
Found ya.
I'm infected.
Let me in.
[sobbing] Let me in.
Hm? Ah-arrgh-ah-arrgh.
Huh?
Arrrgh.
Code 83.
I repeat, code 83!
I, uh, don't want to alarm anyone,
but I went all-in on the broccoli for lunch today.
[groaning]
Ahhh!
What was that?
Top side, pronto.
all: Augh-ergh-ahh.
Brace yourself, boys.
This is gonna... hit the spot.
Ohhh, yeah.
This oatmeal bath appears to be...
ahh... curing our cooties.
- Mmm. - Marlene,
I feel we owe you an apology.
Okay, go ahead.
We owe you, which means you'll get it at some future date.
When's your birthday?
No doubt about it,
poison ivy.
Poison ivy?
Which is not cooties, is it?
No, in fact, it would be Marlene's
so-called "moisturizing plant."
Oh, so this stuff I thought was gonna help, actuall--
that, my friends, is ironic.
[laughs]
Whoopsies. I'm sorry.
Shouldn't someone tell Julien the cootie truth?
Eh, no rush, Private.
[scratching noise]
Augh. Curse.
Ohh, cooties.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Combat driving drills.
Now, this is where we separate the adults migratory males
from the hatchlings.
[engine turning]
♪ ba-ba-ba-bing, bup-bup-bup-baah ♪
[breezy orchestral music]
♪ ♪
Private, what was that?
Just observing the rules of the road, Skipper.
That is no way to treat nitro-charged,
fuel-injected, motorized mayhem.
Out of the car.
Kowalski, show him how it's done.
Let's see, fuel tank: adequate.
Tire pressure: optimal.
Altitude: 40 feet above sea level.
Minimized freeways...
Get out of the car.
Rico, take the wheel.
Vrroom, vroom-vroom-vroom.
Now, pay attention.
See how a real penguin drives.
[tires squealing]
Whoo-hoo!
That maniac sure loves to rip up the road.
Whoo!
[laughs]
Yeah.
Ee-yaaah.
Heh-hehhh.
All right, wrap it up, Rico.
Ohhh.
And no, you can't have
just one more spin around the block.
Please.
That and your baby blues won't cut it tonight, soldier.
Lights out in ten.
Oh, hello, Rico.
I was just labeling some of my inventions:
the neuroneutralizer,
the duotronic laser targeting system,
and the spectrodemagnitizer.
At least I think that's what these labels say.
Hard to tell when you can't read.
Lights out, boys.
Coming, Skipper.
Bye-bye.
Aww, come here.
[smooches]
Rico.
[snoring]
[groaning]
Huh? What?
Baahh! Oof!
[tires squealing]
[alarm beeping]
Don't even think about it, Rico.
Aww.
[alarm beeping]
[loud explosion]
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah.
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[snoring]
[engine revving] both: Yeow!
Huh? Maurice,
who is disturbing my royal rest?
Who? Who?
[blabbering]
Ohh, is it the penguin in the car?
Because I think it might be the penguin in the car.
Um, can I go back to bed now?
No, I demand you punish him... savagely.
And exactly just how am I supposed to punish him?
[metal crunching]
[coughs]
I mean, you know, other than doing that,
which I totally just did.
Whoa, nice, Maurice.
I don't know how you did it, but I like the results.
- My pleasure. - Okay,
back to sleepytime, everyone.
Nighty-night.
[groans]
[shuddering]
Augh!
[smooches]
Sorry.
[engine turning]
Arrgh, mm.
[Reveille playing]
Ack!
Up and at 'em, boys.
Oh-ho, looks like someone
forgot his bright eyes and bushy tail.
Well, some more time behind the wheel
will put a little skip in your step, right, Rico?
Uh, yeah.
Today's challenge: navigate around the zoo
in a clockwise direction.
- Simple enough. - Ah, making only
counterclockwise turns.
Ooh, curve.
That ante is upped.
Rico, you're up.
Whoa!
Heh-heh.
Hmm.
Whoa!
Ah-ha-ha-ha.
Ah! Oh! Ah! Ohh!
Is he doing it right, Skipper?
Well, Rico's never one to do things by the book.
Ah! Ah! Augh! Ahh!
[tires squealing]
Oh, no.
Oy!
If I didn't know better, I'd say that car's
got it in for Rico.
Oh, Private, there you go anthropomorphizing
the inanimate again.
Well, that's a lot of egghead jibber-jabber, Kowalski.
That still doesn't tell me why the car would be mad at Rico.
I mean, it's not like he secretly totaled the car
and hastily slapped it back together
to cover his heinous crime, right?
Right... ow!
[suspenseful music]
[gulps]
Ta-da, sorry.
Heh... heh-heh-heh.
Cuckoo.
- [engine turning] - Gaah-ha-ha!
Waah-ha-ha!
[tires squealing]
[engine revving]
[engine noise fading]
Whew.
Ahhhh!
[engine revving]
No, no, Doris.
Kowalski must never know.
Uh, Rico?
Oogie-boogie, vroom-vroom.
Beg your pardon?
Oogie-boogie, vroom-vroom.
What is it, boy?
Our car is--haunted?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anthropomorphizing with the added twist
of supernatural possession.
Preposterous.
Actually, Rico may be onto something.
Our auto's gone loco.
But that's impossible.
It's worse than that.
It's unauthorized,
and that doesn't fly in this unit.
Silent as a grave, Skipper.
The beast knows we're after it.
The hunter has become the prey.
Again, Skipper, the car is not alive.
It can't think or--
Kowalski, don't ruin the moment
with your jibber-jabber.
Besides, if it's not alive,
then how do you explain its brutal behavior.
Based on available data, I... can't.
Yeah, jibber-jabber your way out of that.
[tires squealing]
The beast.
Eep.
We move silent, and we move fast.
Ahh!
Oh!
Ugh.
Ahh!
Distraction scenario: go.
Yoo-hoo, demon car.
Oh!
You don't have the guts to take me on.
Though I know you cannot understand me,
I am talking to you anyway.
Augh!
That thing really is targeting Rico, isn't it?
It's more demon than car now.
Rico.
Baah! Ahh!
[shuddering]
Look, Rico, we're gonna find that car,
and we're gonna throttle its engine.
In the meantime, you can stay here
safe and sound on our island.
Okay.
No, really, Rico, you're safe here.
Uh-huh.
Seriously, you are.
Yeah.
Okay, listen up, soldier.
I order you to be reassured by my words.
Now, on my mark, feel safe.
Mark.
All right.
Augh!
Rico.
Augh! Augh! Auuugh!
Rico!
Argh! Baah!
There's no stopping that monster.
Men, launch me.
- But, Skipper. - No "buts."
Listen to the sounds of that crazy,
frightened penguin chased by a deranged roadster.
Somebody's got to do something.
Gentlemen, I'm that somebody.
Now, launch me.
Leave me soldier alone.
Ahh! Ow!
Ahhhh.
Ugh! Oof! Mm!
[gasps]
Arrgh.
Rico, what are you doing?
Take cover.
Hide, or that thing will cream you.
[engine revving]
Arrgh.
No, it's nitro-charged!
Augh!
Ah!
Bleh!
[loud explosion]
That was a brave thing you did, soldier.
Still, I'm going to miss that evil, evil car.
I wonder what made it behave so... evily.
I guess we'll never know.
Wait just a nanosecond.
This is my duotronic laser-guided targeting system.
So?
So despite my remarkable efficiency,
I haven't installed it yet.
Hey, how did that get in there?
I...um... vroom-vroom.
Screeeech, ka-blam.
[blabbering]
You secretly took the car out for a spin, smashed it up,
panicked, and hastily slapped it back together?
Um... yep.
Well, Rico, in your haste, you must have grabbed
a few errant parts from some of my other projects.
There's your culprit.
My targeting system targeted you.
So no ghost?
No ghost.
Let's hear it for jibber-jabber.
Whoo!
[scatting]
Solid work there, soldier.
It almost makes up for your clear violation of orders.
Sorry.
Ah, don't sweat it.
The sheer mind-shredding psychological terror
you endured is punishment enough.
I mean, you thought the car was haunted.
[laughs]
Yeah. [laughs]
Whoo-oo-oo-ooo.
[laughs]
[horn honks]
Ooh, sorry, Rico.
Just looking for my sunglasses.
[giggles]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪